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    Default Talentless Bard (3.5 base class, PEACH)

    Talentless Bard
    A talentless bard is a wannabe bard who's so bad at music or poetry that that his lack of talent can be weaponized. Imagine Vogon poetry or someone just starting violin lessons, and you'll know what I mean.

    Alignment
    Any nonlawful.

    Hit Die
    d6.

    Class Skills
    The talentless bard’s class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are Appraise (Int), Balance (Dex), Bluff (Cha), Climb (Str), Concentration (Con), Craft (Int), Decipher Script (Int), Diplomacy (Cha), Disguise (Cha), Escape Artist (Dex),Gather Information (Cha), Hide (Dex), Jump (Str), Knowledge (all skills, taken individually) (Int), Listen (Wis), Move Silently (Dex), Perform (Cha), Profession (Wis), Sense Motive (Wis), Sleight of Hand (Dex), Speak Language(None), Spellcraft (Int), Swim (Str), Tumble (Dex), and Use Magic Device (Cha).

    Skill Points at 1st Level
    (6 + Int modifier) Χ4.

    Skill Points at Each Additional Level
    6 + Int modifier.


    Table: The Talentless Bard
    {table=head]
    Level
    |
    Base Attack Bonus
    |
    Fort Save
    |
    Ref Save
    |
    Will Save
    |
    Special
    |{colsp=7}
    Spells per Day
    |{colsp=7}
    Spells Known


    1st | +0 | +0 | +2 | +2 | Talentless bardic music, Useless trivia, deafen, interrupt, inspire rage +2 | 2 | — | — | — | — | — | — | 4 | — | — | — | — | — | —

    2nd | +1 | +0 | +3 | +3 | | 3 | 0 | — | — | — | — | — | 5 | 21 | — | — | — | — | —

    3rd | +2 | +1 | +3 | +3 | Inspire incompetence | 3 | 1 | — | — | — | — | — | 6 | 3 | — | — | — | — | —

    4th | +3 | +1 | +4 | +4 | | 3 | 2 | 0 | — | — | — | — | 6 | 3 | 21 | — | — | — | —

    5th | +3 | +1 | +4 | +4 | | 3 | 3 | 1 | — | — | — | — | 6 | 4 | 3 | — | — | — | —

    6th | +4 | +2 | +5 | +5 | Stun | 3 | 3 | 2 | — | — | — | — | 6 | 4 | 3 | — | — | — | —

    7th | +5 | +2 | +5 | +5 | | 3 | 3 | 2 | 0 | — | — | — | 6 | 4 | 4 | 21 | — | — | —

    8th | +6/+1 | +2 | +6 | +6 | Inspire rage +3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 1 | — | — | — | 6 | 4 | 4 | 3 | — | — | —

    9th | +6/+1 | +3 | +6 | +6 | Inspire hate | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | — | — | — | 6 | 4 | 4 | 3 | — | — | —

    10th | +7/+2 | +3 | +7 | +7 | | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 0 | — | — | 6 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 21 | — | —

    11th | +8/+3 | +3 | +7 | +7 | | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 1 | — | — | 6 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | — | —

    12th | +9/+4 | +4 | +8 | +8 | Improvisation | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | — | — | 6 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | — | —

    13th | +9/+4 | +4 | +8 | +8 | | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 0 | — | 6 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 21 | —

    14th | +10/+5 | +4 | +9 | +9 | Inspire rage +4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 1 | — | 6 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | —

    15th | +11/+6/+1 | +5 | +9 | +9 | Inspire apathy | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | — | 6 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | —

    16th | +12/+7/+2 | +5 | +10 | +10 | | 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 21

    17th | +12/+7/+2 | +5 | +10 | +10 | | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 6 | 5 | 5 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 3

    18th | +13/+8/+3 | +6 | +11 | +11 | Mass stun | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 6 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 4 | 4 | 3

    19th | +14/+9/+4 | +6 | +11 | +11 | | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 6 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 4 | 4

    20th | +15/+10/+5 | +6 | +12 | +12 | Inspire rage +5 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 6 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 4

    {colsp=20}
    1. Provided the talentless bard has a high enough Charisma score to have a bonus spell of this level.
    [/table]

    Class Features

    All of the following are class features of the talentless bard.

    Weapon and Armor Proficiency
    A talentless bard is proficient with all simple weapons, plus the longsword, rapier, sap, short sword, shortbow, and whip. Talentless bards are proficient with light armor and shields (except tower shields). A talentless bard can cast talentless bard spells while wearing light armor without incurring the normal arcane spell failure chance. However, like any other arcane spellcaster, a talentless bard wearing medium or heavy armor or using a shield incurs a chance of arcane spell failure if the spell in question has a somatic component (most do). A multiclass talentless bard still incurs the normal arcane spell failure chance for arcane spells received from other classes.

    Spells
    A talentless bard casts arcane spells, which are drawn from the bard spell list. He can cast any spell he knows without preparing it ahead of time. Every talentless bard spell has a verbal component (singing, reciting, or music). To learn or cast a spell, a talentless bard must have a Charisma score equal to at least 10 + the spell level. The Difficulty Class for a saving throw against a bard’s spell is 10 + the spell level + the bard’s Charisma modifier.

    Like other spellcasters, a talentless bard can cast only a certain number of spells of each spell level per day. His base daily spell allotment is given on Table: The Talentless Bard. In addition, he receives bonus spells per day if he has a high Charisma score. When Table: The Talentless Bard indicates that the talentless bard gets 0 spells per day of a given spell level, he gains only the bonus spells he would be entitled to based on his Charisma score for that spell level.

    The bard’s selection of spells is extremely limited. A talentless bard begins play knowing four 0-level spells of your choice. At most new talentless bard levels, he gains one or more new spells, as indicated on Table: The Talentless Bard. (Unlike spells per day, the number of spells a talentless bard knows is not affected by his Charisma score; the numbers on Table: The Talentless Bard are fixed.)

    Upon reaching 5th level, and at every third talentless bard level after that (8th, 11th, and so on), a talentless bard can choose to learn a new spell in place of one he already knows. In effect, the talentless bard "loses" the old spell in exchange for the new one. The new spell’s level must be the same as that of the spell being exchanged, and it must be at least two levels lower than the highest-level talentless bard spell the talentless bard can cast. A talentless bard may swap only a single spell at any given level, and must choose whether or not to swap the spell at the same time that he gains new spells known for the level.

    As noted above, a talentless bard need not prepare his spells in advance. He can cast any spell he knows at any time, assuming he has not yet used up his allotment of spells per day for the spell’s level.

    Useless Trivia
    A talentless bard may make a special bardic knowledge check with a bonus equal to his talentless bard level + his Intelligence modifier to see whether he knows some information about local notable people, legendary items, or noteworthy places. (If the talentless bard has 5 or more ranks in Knowledge (history), he gains a +2 bonus on this check.)

    A successful bardic knowledge check will not reveal the powers of a magic item but may give a hint as to its general function. A talentless bard may not take 10 or take 20 on this check; this sort of knowledge is essentially random.

    {table=head] DC | Type of Trivia

    10 | Extremely obscure, known by very few, possibly forgotten by most who once knew it, possibly known only by those who don’t understand the significance of the knowledge.

    20 | Obscure, known by few, hard to come by.

    25 | Uncommon but available, known by only a few people.

    30 | Common, known by at least a substantial minority of the local population. [/table]

    Talentless Bardic Music
    Once per day per talentless bard level, a talentless bard can use his song or poetics to produce magical effects on those around him (usually including himself, if desired). While these abilities fall under the category of bardic music and the descriptions discuss singing or playing instruments, they can all be activated by reciting poetry, chanting, singing lyrical songs, singing melodies, whistling, playing an instrument, or playing an instrument in combination with some spoken performance. Each ability requires both a minimum talentless bard level and a minimum number of ranks in the Perform skill to qualify; if a talentless bard does not have the required number of ranks in at least one Performskill, he does not gain the bardic music ability until he acquires the needed ranks.

    Starting a bardic music effect is a standard action. Some bardic music abilities require concentration, which means the talentless bard must take a standard action each round to maintain the ability. Even while using bardic music that doesn’t require concentration, a talentless bard cannot cast spells, activate magic items by spell completion (such as scrolls), spell trigger (such as wands), or command word. Just as for casting a spell with a verbal component, a deaf talentless bard has a 20% chance to fail when attempting to use bardic music. If he fails, the attempt still counts against his daily limit.

    Interrupt (Su)
    A talentless bard with more than 3 ranks in a Perform skill can use his music or poetics effects to disturb the concentration of a nearby creature. The targeted creature, if under conditions where a Concentration check is necessary, must make such a check (DC 10 + ½ talentless bard’s level + talentless bard’s Cha modifier).

    Deafen (Su)
    A talentless bard with 3 or more ranks in a Perform skill can use his music or poetics effects to deafen nearby creatures. The effect applies to all creatures within a 30 ft. radius, excluding the bard, and can be avoided with a Fortitude save (DC 10 + ½ talentless bard’s level + talentless bard’s Cha modifier).

    Inspire Rage (Su)
    A talentless bard with 3 or more ranks in a Perform skill can use song or poetics to inspire rage in his allies (not including himself), improving their combat abilities. To be affected, an ally must be able to hear the talentless bard sing. The effect lasts for as long as the ally hears the talentless bard sing and for 5 rounds thereafter. An affected ally receives a +2 morale bonus on attack and weapon damage rolls. At 8th level, and every six talentless bard levels thereafter, this bonus increases by 1 (+3 at 8th, +4 at 14th, and +5 at 20th). Inspire rage is a mind-affecting ability.

    Inspire Incompetence (Su)
    A talentless bard of 3rd level or higher with 6 or more ranks in a Perform skill can use his music or poetics to attempt to make an enemy fail at a task. The enemy must be within 30 feet and able to see and hear the talentless bard. The talentless bard must also be able to see the enemy.

    The enemy gets a -2 competence penalty on attack and damage rolls as long as he or she continues to hear the talentless bard's music. Certain uses of this ability are infeasible. The effect lasts as long as the talentless bard concentrates, up to a maximum of 2 minutes. A talentless bard can’t inspire incompetence in himself. Inspire incompetence is a mind-affecting ability.

    Stun (Su)
    A talentless bard of 6th level or higher with 9 or more ranks in a Perform skill can use music or poetics to stun a single enemy. The creature can resist this effect with a Fortitude save (DC 10 + ½ talentless bard’s level + talentless bard’s Cha modifier).

    Inspire Hate (Su)
    A talentless bard of 9th level or higher with 12 or more ranks in a Perform skill can use music or poetics to cause one or more creatures to target him before they attack his allies. For every three levels a talentless bard attains beyond 1st, he can target one additional creature with a single use of this ability.

    To use the ability, a talentless bard makes a Perform check. His check result is the DC for each affected creature’s Will save against the effect. The talentless bard can maintain the effect for up to 1 round per talentless bard level.

    Improvisation (Su)
    A bard of 12th level or higher with 15 or more ranks in a Perform skill can speak or play at random, producing an effect from the table below. Effects equivalent to spells use a character’s talentless bard level for their caster level. If the effect does not affect the current environment, do nothing.

    {table=head] d% | Effect

    01-30 | Summon Nature’s Ally I

    31-70 | Break fragile objects within 60 ft. All metal, glass, or crystal objects in the radius must succeed on a DC 15 Fortitude save or shatter.

    71-95 | Soften Earth and Stone

    96-100 | Animate Dead [/table]


    Inspire Apathy (Su)
    A talentless bard of 15th level or higher with 18 or more ranks in a Perform skill can use music or poetics to inspire apathy in willing allies. To inspire apathy, a bard must sing and an ally must hear the bard sing for a full round. Affected creatures become immune to undesired mind-affecting abilities. The effect lasts for as long as the ally hears the bard sing and for up to 5 rounds thereafter. Inspire apathy is a mind-affecting ability.

    Mass Stun (Su)
    This ability functions like stun, above, except that a talentless bard of 18th level or higher with 21 or more ranks in a Perform skill can stun a number of creatures equal to his Charisma modifier.

    Ex-Talentless Bards
    A talentless bard who becomes lawful in alignment cannot progress in levels as a talentless bard, though he retains all his talentless bard abilities. [/size]
    Last edited by Grindle; 2013-02-19 at 03:08 PM.
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    Thumbs up Re: Talentless Bard (3.5 base class, PEACH)

    awesome...
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    Default Re: Talentless Bard (3.5 base class, PEACH)

    I like the premise, but it needs to be funnier.

    Also, "Inspire incompetence" is kinda useless. I can't remember the last time I watched an enemy make a skill check that wasn't "Sense Motive", "Listen" or "Spot," and three choruses of "Believer, believe, believe the blatant lies" probably isn't going to work.

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    Default Re: Talentless Bard (3.5 base class, PEACH)

    Quote Originally Posted by FreakyCheeseMan View Post
    it needs to be funnier.
    Helpful.

    Quote Originally Posted by FreakyCheeseMan View Post
    Also, "Inspire incompetence" is kinda useless. I can't remember the last time I watched an enemy make a skill check that wasn't "Sense Motive", "Listen" or "Spot," and three choruses of "Believer, believe, believe the blatant lies" probably isn't going to work.
    I'll probably change it to a minus on attacks or damage.
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    Default Re: Talentless Bard (3.5 base class, PEACH)

    Hm. What happens if the Improvisation (Su) ability is unable to function? Example: One rolls a 97, but there are no bodies to animate.
    "I kinda think I'm not supposed to go along with something that's wrong just to get food."

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    Default Re: Talentless Bard (3.5 base class, PEACH)

    Quote Originally Posted by TaiLiu View Post
    Hm. What happens if the Improvisation (Su) ability is unable to function? Example: One rolls a 97, but there are no bodies to animate.
    I was thinking nothing would happen. If you really wanted something to happen, I guess you could reroll.
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    Default Re: Talentless Bard (3.5 base class, PEACH)

    It seems kind of weird that a "Talentless Bard" has to become really talented to use his bardic music. What about changing his casting to work off of Intelligence, and then add some kind of ability like:

    ---

    Hopeless Case
    Whether the bard is attempting to invent a new musical genre, create his own unique instrument, or is simply tone deaf (or actually deaf?), it seems like no matter how much he practices, the noise he produces only gets worse and worse. A 1st level Talentless Bard is refunded all skill ranks in Perform skills that he has invested in, and may never again increase his skill ranks in a Perform skill.

    However, in exchange, he gains the unique ability to spend skill points to put Negative Ranks in a Perform skill, much as he would be able to put normal ranks in any other skill. Each negative rank applies a -1 penalty to the roll it modifies.

    When a Talentless Bard attempts to use a Perform skill to earn money, he may use the following result table, if he so chooses. However, doing so causes all listening bystanders with a Neutral attitude towards the bard to become Unfriendly.

    {table=head]Check Result|Performance
    -10|Poor performance. The bard earns 1d10cp per day from passersby that feel sorry for them.
    -15|Shameful performance. The bard earns 1d10sp per day, given to them in exchange for stopping, or at least moving elsewhere.
    -20|Awful performance. The bard earns 3d10sp per day, as listeners hurl change at them in anger. Playing at this level for long enough will cause the bard to acquire an infamous regional reputation.
    -25|Offensive performance. The bard earns 1d6gp per day from wealthy patrons who are so starved for novel entertainment that they'd rather be audibly disgusted than bored. Continued performances at this level will extend a bard's infamy to a national scope.
    -30|Grotesque performance. The bard earns 3d6gp per day, as cultists of dark gods of pain and death flock to him, inflicting his music upon their ears as a form of purifying self-flagellation. Doomsayers and cursed prophets welcome him as a herald of the end-times. In time, curious masochists from distant lands or even other planes of existence may hear of him, and visit just to see if he's really as bad as everyone says.
    [/table]

    ---

    Then switch the bardic music requirement from ranks in Perform, to negative ranks in Perform. Voila.
    Last edited by Xefas; 2013-02-19 at 02:56 AM.

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    Default Re: Talentless Bard (3.5 base class, PEACH)

    Quote Originally Posted by Xefas View Post
    It seems kind of weird that a "Talentless Bard" has to become really talented to use his bardic music. What about changing his casting to work off of Intelligence, and then add some kind of ability like:

    ---

    Hopeless Case
    Whether the bard is attempting to invent a new musical genre, create his own unique instrument, or is simply tone deaf (or actually deaf?), it seems like no matter how much he practices, the noise he produces only gets worse and worse. A 1st level Talentless Bard is refunded all skill ranks in Perform skills that he has invested in, and may never again increase his skill ranks in a Perform skill.

    However, in exchange, he gains the unique ability to spend skill points to put Negative Ranks in a Perform skill, much as he would be able to put normal ranks in any other skill. Each negative rank applies a -1 penalty to the roll it modifies.

    When a Talentless Bard attempts to use a Perform skill to earn money, he may use the following result table, if he so chooses. However, doing so causes all listening bystanders with a Neutral attitude towards the bard to become Unfriendly.

    {table=head]Check Result|Performance
    -10|Poor performance. The bard earns 1d10cp per day from passersby that feel sorry for them.
    -15|Shameful performance. The bard earns 1d10sp per day, given to them in exchange for stopping, or at least moving elsewhere.
    -20|Awful performance. The bard earns 3d10sp per day, as listeners hurl change at them in anger. Playing at this level for long enough will cause the bard to acquire an infamous regional reputation.
    -25|Offensive performance. The bard earns 1d6gp per day from wealthy patrons who are so starved for novel entertainment that they'd rather be audibly disgusted than bored. Continued performances at this level will extend a bard's infamy to a national scope.
    -30|Grotesque performance. The bard earns 3d6gp per day, as cultists of dark gods of pain and death flock to him, inflicting his music upon their ears as a form of purifying self-flagellation. Doomsayers and cursed prophets welcome him as a herald of the end-times. In time, curious masochists from distant lands or even other planes of existence may hear of him, and visit just to see if he's really as bad as everyone says.
    [/table]

    ---

    Then switch the bardic music requirement from ranks in Perform, to negative ranks in Perform. Voila.
    God i hope these guys dont start throwing change...
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    Default Re: Talentless Bard (3.5 base class, PEACH)

    Quote Originally Posted by Grindle View Post
    Helpful.
    Sorry. Remind me not to post when I haven't had any sleep. >_>

    What I actually meant was that you should probably add more to the flavor text - I'm pretty sure the idea is for the class to be an amusing spoof on the notion of a bard, but a lot of the text doesn't really seem to reflect that. For instance, the "Useless trivia" ability doesn't seem different in anything but its title.

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    Default Re: Talentless Bard (3.5 base class, PEACH)

    Quote Originally Posted by FreakyCheeseMan View Post
    Sorry. Remind me not to post when I haven't had any sleep. >_>

    What I actually meant was that you should probably add more to the flavor text - I'm pretty sure the idea is for the class to be an amusing spoof on the notion of a bard, but a lot of the text doesn't really seem to reflect that. For instance, the "Useless trivia" ability doesn't seem different in anything but its title.
    It's not... exactly a spoof on a standard bard. It's a bard who's so untalented that that becomes their talent.
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    Default Re: Talentless Bard (3.5 base class, PEACH)

    Quote Originally Posted by FreakyCheeseMan View Post
    What I actually meant was that you should probably add more to the flavor text - I'm pretty sure the idea is for the class to be an amusing spoof on the notion of a bard, but a lot of the text doesn't really seem to reflect that. For instance, the "Useless trivia" ability doesn't seem different in anything but its title.
    Actually, for "Useless Trivia", why not reverse the order of knowledge they can acquire? DC 10 gets you extremely obscure stuff, DC 20 gets you obscure, DC 25 gets you uncommon, and DC 30 gets you common knowledge? The Talentless Bard doesn't know the name of the mayor in his own home town, but he knows the favorite food of the high priestess of Lolth.

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    Default Re: Talentless Bard (3.5 base class, PEACH)

    Quote Originally Posted by FreakyCheeseMan View Post
    What I actually meant was that you should probably add more to the flavor text - I'm pretty sure the idea is for the class to be an amusing spoof on the notion of a bard, but a lot of the text doesn't really seem to reflect that. For instance, the "Useless trivia" ability doesn't seem different in anything but its title.
    Added some flavor text to describe the class as a whole.

    Quote Originally Posted by Xefas View Post
    Actually, for "Useless Trivia", why not reverse the order of knowledge they can acquire? DC 10 gets you extremely obscure stuff, DC 20 gets you obscure, DC 25 gets you uncommon, and DC 30 gets you common knowledge? The Talentless Bard doesn't know the name of the mayor in his own home town, but he knows the favorite food of the high priestess of Lolth.
    I like the idea. Done.

    Quote Originally Posted by Xefas View Post
    It seems kind of weird that a "Talentless Bard" has to become really talented to use his bardic music. What about changing his casting to work off of Intelligence, and then add some kind of ability like:
    [...]
    Then switch the bardic music requirement from ranks in Perform, to negative ranks in Perform. Voila.
    I like the table, and the idea of people throwing money, but having negative ranks in Perform seems a little weird/complicated. I could just have a special class feature or something that said ranks in Perform made a talentless bard worse at performing (they're talentless, after all).
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