'Helpful' advice to new players

[mjlush]

I thought it would be useful to collect the sort of advice that will give a new player an exciting and colourful gaming career.

For example:-

1) Always attack little old men with seven canaries, there always evil and have lots of treasure

2) Some slimes found on dungeon walls have skin healing properties (its a bit like the power ups you find in video games, the green one is best)

3) GM's often use "Hastur Hastur Hastur" as a password for troops and the like (its a bit of an in joke, I don't GM so I'm not in on it).

[Rabidmuskrat]

4) Hooded man/woman in a tavern? Assasin. Kill on sight. GM's reward that kind of initiative.

5) Wizards' touch spells are really powerful. Don't be afraid to get up close and personal with that Gibbering Mouther.

6) GM's like to use important NPCs as ways to railroad parties, so make sure you kill any NPC whose name you learn to preserve your freedom.

7) You can rest any time, just like in PC games. Just tell your GM that your party is resting to recharge spells before continuing.

8) Don't have anyone keeping watch when you camp out for the night, it interferes with their resting and might leave them tired the next day. Nothing ever happens anyway.

9) Fighters are totally OP. +1 BAB EVERY level and a whole heap of bonus feats? Sick!

10) Research and preperation is for sissies. Just charge in, its your GM's job to make sure you don't die.

11) Powerful, intelligent monsters admire pluckiness, such as when a low level PC calls them "Big, fat and butt ugly".

12) Mindflayers go down pretty quick if you can grapple them. (Ironically, one of the players in my game did this and it actually worked pretty well. It helps that he had a grapple check that could take down a rhino. And that the mindflayer wasn't allowed to hurt him.)

13) There is no friendly fire in DND. No, really, you can throw that fireball.

[Jornophelanthas]

Is this thread intended to gather ideas for hazing new players?

No thank you.

[supermonkeyjoe]

14) Bags of holding can carry a lot, but still weigh a bit, for maximum storage capacity put all of your bags of holding into a portable hole!

[mjlush]

Is this thread intended to gather ideas for hazing new players?
No thank you.

I'd be quite surprised if anyone fell for any of these. Its inevitable they will get conveyed in the 'bad advice voice'.

[Feddlefew]

15) The lich has most certainly labeled his potions with their standard effects, not what they do to him, and you should definitely quaff those 'healing potions'.

[Deffers]

16) Incarnum users are simple to use and commonly show up at tables. Expect them!

[Raimun]

17) Remember the movies 300 and Captain America: The First Avenger? Always trust in your trusty shield! It's super-trusty! Trust me.

[Rabidmuskrat]

Is this thread intended to gather ideas for hazing new players?

No thank you.

No, this is the thread for retarded things you can do/might have thought was a good idea once upon a time in DnD and now write about in a humorous way.

If I wanted to haze a newbie I'd just tell him 'figure it out on your own'.

Oh, that reminds me...

18) The best way to get your friends to play DnD with you is to lend them all your books and tell them to figure it out on their own.

[mjlush]

19) The Black Sphere teleport system is an excellent way to bypass the dungeon and get to the end of the adventure.

20) Ask the GM if you can quest for the Head of Vecna, its power will take your breath away.

21) It is always a good idea to inform the GM if you feel the game is too easy.

22) Lengthy Quotes from the Goon Show, Monty Python, The Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy and the like will impress your GM with your scholarship.

22a) If you hear a misquote from another player you should immediately correct them

[RFLS]

23) The BBEG of the entire campaign will always be the first person you meet. Go ahead, you can take him now.

[navar100]

24) As a 1st level wizard, always prepare Magic Missile. It's an auto-hit!

25) When playing a cleric, ignore your spell list. Only cast Cure Wounds. Everything else is a trap to waste spell slots. Clerics are only good for healing. Exceptions permitted for Heal, Restoration, and Raise Dead.

26) You don't need your own dice. The DM or another player will gladly let you use theirs for the entire campaign.

27) The DM always treats everyone for pizza.

[Feddlefew]

25) If it's nice out you should definitely try playing outside!
26) The best drink for D&D games is mountain dew!
26.A) OR espresso!

[Jay R]

30. If you see a gazebo, run. It's not what it looks like. There's a famous story about a monster that looked like a gazebo but woke up and ate a player character.

[Feddlefew]

31) A truenamer is a good alternative to a sorcerer in any campaign.

[Negativethac0]

32. Contrary to what you might've been told, you don't need to gather your party before venturing forth. Don't wait for the others, but give them some space and time alone while in a dungeon.

[Sith_Happens]

33. Looting is every man for himself. If your teammates wanted a cut of what's in that treasure chest, they would have helped find and/or open it.

34. The best time to loot the dragon's hoard is while the rest of the party is fighting the dragon. That way it's distracted and you can take your time.

[Feddlefew]

35. There are no combat encounters which cannot be avoided with a seduction check.

[Fighter1000]

36. Attacking the NPC that just rescued you from being eaten by trolls is always a good idea, especially if that NPC is a pyromaniac gnome.

37. Always try to make your character lose his virginity as quickly as possible, for bonus XP!

38. Get drunk in the game because getting drunk IRL isn't always possible and/or a good idea. But when your character gets drunk, crazy **** will often ensue, or you will just pass out :(

39. Start random fights in town because being bored in town is no fun

40. No need to think things through. Just act stupid in-game. Everything will be alright. The worst that could happen is you have to make a new character. If your DM is lazy, he may just resurrect your character for no good in-game reason.

[navar100]

41. Your character is not considered tough unless you take the Toughness feat.

[Arbane]

I thought it would be useful to collect the sort of advice that will give a new player an exciting, colourful, and short gaming career.

Fixed for accuracy.

[mjlush]

Fixed for accuracy.

You may have a point there ... lets shorten it a bit more

Fighter1000
37. Always try to make your character lose his virginity as quickly as possible, for bonus XP!.

37a A Role playing game is a fantastic opportunity to explore the um.... darker aspects of your sexual identity. Do so regularly, diversely and graphically for regular roleplaying XP awards from your GM and the respect and admiration of the other players.

[Feddlefew]

37a A Role playing game is a fantastic opportunity to explore the um.... darker aspects of your sexual identity. Do so regularly, diversely and graphically for regular roleplaying XP awards from your GM and the respect and admiration of the other players.

I DMed a game where a player decided to do this once. He no longer plays with us.

[mjlush]

I DMed a game where a player decided to do this once. He no longer plays with us.

The group therapy thread is over there ---->. Please don't sully this thread with distasteful personal experience

[Gravitron5000]

The group therapy thread is over there ---->. Please don't sully this thread with distasteful personal experience

FILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFI LLFILL. I DMed a game where a player decided to do this once. He no longer plays with us.

On topic: 42) Shopkeepers have all the good stuff, and are total pushovers. Why not take advantage of the situation with a sneak attack?

Edit: 42!!!

[Deepbluediver]

No, this is the thread for retarded things you can do/might have thought was a good idea once upon a time in DnD and now write about in a humorous way.

43) The large number of special abilities and bonus feats that the monk gets make him one of the most powerful core classes. Your DM may be reluctant to let you play one for this reason.



Edit: Gravitron's is #42

[Negativethac0]

44) Having your bard focus on Perform (Tuba) is an instant way to approval from your party and GM. Especially in dark campaigns, such as Carrion Crown.

[Jay R]

45. Role-playing means doing stupid stuff. If you attack the bad guy with a sword, you're just min-maxing. If you attack him with a fish, you're really role-playing.

[paddyfool]

46. Nobody will mind if you pull out a handheld gaming console to keep yourself busy between your turns - the music and sound effects will entertain them.

47. Your character is meant to succeed at everything ever. Sometimes you have to loudly argue the case for this with the GM; this is known as good player participation.

48. You don't need a good Will save; nothing important ever targets that.

49. Spellcasters are weaksauce. Once they've cast all their spells, there's nothing they can do and they're just excess baggage. Go for a big strong Fighter. EDIT: So many feats!

49a. Druids are especially weaksauce. They can't even use anything made of metal!

[Deepbluediver]

45. Role-playing means doing stupid stuff. If you attack the bad guy with a sword, you're just min-maxing. If you attack him with a fish, you're really role-playing.

45a) Chaotic Neutral is the best alignment because it means you can do anything you want without any consequences.




50) Even if you can convince your DM to house-rule out the penalty, Multiclassing is hardly ever worth it. Its best to just stick with a pure build all the way to 20.