Campaign Quotes, NO CONTEXT EDITION!

[MilesDaFoo616]

P1: I guess there’s only 1 thing we can do then
P2: Close the ducts?
P1: …. I guess there’s only 2 things we can do then
P3: Shrink ourselves and follow them?
P1: ….I guess there’s only 3 things we can do then


P3: Open Sesame!
P1: Do you say this in Draconic?
P3: Yes?
P1: What is the Draconic word for Sesame?
P1:…..Melon?


P2: I Start searching is that a Spot check?
DM: it’s a search check


P4: Ok so just say that the ship bumped and knocked me unconscious
P3: Actually we decided the pigs knocked you unconscious
DM: You were ham sandwiched

[Loxagn]

"Oh yeah? Chaos Storm the House."

"This isn't happening. This isn't happening. This is not real. It's not re- oh **** me that's Disney World."

[redzimmer]

"I taste the zombie."

[Dimers]

DM: "In the lord's private chambers you find lots of whips and chains ... and one suit of crotchless half-plate."

[Spacebatsy]

GM: “He wants someone keeping an eye on you, because…”
Father Donovan: “He has lost spaceships before?”
Lady Cassia: “Is he still on about that? Jeez”

Lady Cassia: “I have two sub goals with this character: Not killing anyone and trying every drug in the Imperium”
(…)
GM: “How are your goals working out?”
Lady Cassia: “Well, it has become a bit tiresome covering up the mutations but at least I’ve not killed anyone yet”
GM: “You’ve brutally murdered three people!”
Lady Cassia: “They don't count, they we’re all inquisitorial personnel and the third was just a really bad medicae roll”

GM: “When you look out on the yard you see a great showdown between the bushes and the threes”
Cortez: “Let ‘em have it bushes!”

GM: “Seems like Lady Cassia has won the initiative, what do you do?”
Lady Cassia: “I spend my round raising from the chair in a sophisticated manner”

Father Donovan: “*through gasmask* I am your Father, confess your sins!”

Guard: “Cassia…”
Lady Cassia: “That would be Lady Cassia to you, thug!”
Guard: “That would be Inquisitor thug to you, acolyte”
Lady Cassia: “I hate my life”

NPC medic: “Well Mr. Cortez, it seems like the better part of the right side of your face has been scarred by the fire, but look on the bright side…”
Father Donovan: “The left one”

GM: “The inquisitor wants you to examine a number of substances”
Lady Cassia: “Great! I have already divide the party into two groups *brings out piece of paper* this is the test group and this is the control group”

Cortez: “I have seen the light!”
Father Donovan: “Just you wait until the light turns purple”

Lady Cassia: “Aargh! Someone please inquisition-proof my mansion!”
Father Donova: “I have an idea, how do you feel about the phrase “bounce mansion”?”
Cortez: “That would be a pain to infiltrate”

GM: “You experience some irritation while you shower”
Lady Cassia: “… from myself or someone else?”

Cortez: “Is it Lysander?”
GM: “He doesn’t look like Lysander”
Father Donova: “No, but neither does Lysander”

Father Donova: “This is going nowhere, I say we hire a few mercs to search the ship for us and see if they can find him”
Lady Cassia: “Come on, do you really think they’ll be able to do anything?”
Father Donova: “No, but if we’re lucky he’ll kill them and then we’ll have a fair idea of where he’s hiding”

Father Donova: “I think this search for Lysander has gone from professional investigation to the crocodile hunter”
Cortez: “ha ha “there could be a dangerous Lysander behind this door, I’ll throw it open!””
Father Donova: “And then he pierces your heart with his tail”

NPC: “The Inquisition?! I haven’t done anything! Here, take my daughter!”
Father Donova: “We don’t want your daughter!”
Cortez: “Let’s not be hasty”

Hostage soldier calling his commander: “Yes sir, they want to speak to you, they have murdered fifteen people!”
Father Donova: “That’s irrelevant”
Hostage soldier: “And they think it’s irrelevant!”

[DigoDragon]

This entry is a bit long so have laughs under a Spoiler:

Spoiler

Show

Peanut-Gallery: "Wait, so I have only Blackwolf and Ian in this recording?"
Blackwolf: "I thought Henry was there too?"
Fox: "His player wasn't, but his character was. He got shot remember?"
Sophia: "That happens a lot when his player isn't here."
Blackwolf: "And he isn't here whenever the DM buys Dr. Pepper. Coincidence?"
DM: "So when I buy Dr. Pepper, people get shot?"
Fox: "The Sprite drinkers would say so!"

DM: "Blackwolf, your turn. The enemy is outside the entrance."
Fox: "Throw a flashbang at his crotch!"
Blackwolf: "If I had a flashbang. And yes my good man, it would pinch just a bit."

DM: "And the bad guys drive away in a hurry."
Blackwolf: "I bet Daphne is pissed."
Daphne: "Not really, sweetie. They had sub-machine guns and I killed two of them with a derringer."
Blackwolf: "Why are you carrying such a small gun?"
Daphne: "It's good for close quarters fighting, savvy? Also, it's very concealable."
Fox: "So where do you hide that, in your bra?"
Daphne: "Under-arm, mate. My bra is holding a couple of other things, if you catch my meaning."

Fox: "So Docwagon dropped 4 points on the stock exchange, big deal. Undertaker stocks are up 15!"

Snowfire: *Bursts through a garage door like it was paper* "SNAP INTO A WAREHOUSE!!"

Blackwolf: "Let me borrow the zip ties."
Fox: "You tying up our prisoner?"
Blackwolf: "Well why would I tie up myself?"
Daphne: "Maybe you're that kinky?"
Blackwolf: "I'd never tell."
Daphne: "Not without a little interrogation first, eh?"
Fox: "Can I watch?"
Snowfire: "Can I hurl?"

Blackwolf: "Hey Snowfire, have you ever terrorized anyone?"
Snowfire: "All the time."
Fox: "Especially in the men's restroom."
Sophia: "I just realized he doesn't wear pants."
Daphne: "...and the bad part?"

Blackwolf: "I hate to disappoint my big friend here. He likes snapping necks."
Snowfire: *Cracks his knuckles* "And my fists haven't eaten all day."

DM: "Okay, its Hugo's turn."
Fox: "Punch him in the ego!"
Hugo: "It's a rent-a-cop, it doesn't have an ego!"

DM: "In this room you see the hotwired electrical box that draws electricity off the local grid."
Blackwolf: "But... there's isn't a local grid out here."
Fox: "It would be funny if we pull the box out and the counter dials still turn."
Blackwolf: *Pulls out the box*
Dials: *Still turning*
Henry: "Wat."
Fox: "Odd, I swore that would have been funnier..."

Blackwolf: "So who gets to the kitchen first?"
Daphne: "Already bogarting the booze."
Blackwolf: "Oh, relativistic drinking."

Fox: "Is there any booze left in the fridge?"
Daphne: "Nope, Zelda and I finished it off."
Fox: "I'll look in the tiny cupboards above the fridge."
DM: "You find a bottle of Jack Daniels..."
Fox: "Yoink!!"
DM: "...next to a bottle of Wild Turkey..."
Fox: "I switch bottles."
Blackwolf: "Why?"
Fox: "Wild Turkey has a smoother taste."
DM: "...And behind the Wild Turkey is a pair of bolt cutters and a stolen commlink."
Blackwolf: "That's not smooth at all."

Hugo: "Who looks the most dangerous of this crowd?"
DM: "Out of 24 opponents? Either the four with shotguns or the two with submachine guns."
Hugo: "I hate our neighbors."

Sophia: "Zee, race you to see who can shoot more targets?"
Zelda: *Already running away* "Daphne can have all my points!"
Daphne: "Haha, the day is mine!" *Pulls out a Milkor MGL equivilent*
Blackwolf: "Zelda, wait for me!" *Runs*

Henry: "My reason to stop Terra First! is because they now have a computer that can hack any network."
Hugo: "I'll take it off their hands."
Henry: "Unless you plan to drop it in a nearby volcano with a halfling, I am going to say no."

Blackwolf: "Alright, tell us who sold us out to Terra First! or Snowfire throws you off the roof."
Hugo: "Snowfire wouldn't do that."
Snowfire: "I look at the traffic down below, what's the biggest vehicle I see driving by?"
DM: "Uh, a semi tanker carrying gasoline."
Snowfire: *Throws the prisoner at the semi. Critical hit, semi crashes, a fuel fire ignites the street*
Hugo: "Uh..."
Snowfire: "What? I just proved that I'd do it."
Blackwolf: "Yeah, but I wasn't done interrogating him!"
Snowfire: "Oh yeah... do all cars burn that quickly or just the imported ones?"

DM: "Hugo, you notice a Taxi-van parked at the entrance with the Off Duty light on."
Hugo: "I'm breaking into the driver door."
Taxi Driver: "Hey! Get out of my van!"
Hugo: *Jumps into the van*
Taxi Driver: *Grabs Hugo's leg*
Daphne: *Comes up from behind and clubs taxi driver in the head*
Taxi Driver: *Is out cold*
Hugo: *Sneaks out the other side of the taxi*
Daphne: *Props the driver up in his seat with a bottle of hooch*
DM: "Well... that was... smooth."

Blackwolf: "Gang, I found a second bomb... Daffy, how do I disable this thing?"
Daphne: "Cut the red and yellow wires."
Blackwolf: "...all the wires are orange!"
Daphne: "See, that's the problem, you've never taken the art of EOD seriously."

DM: "Are you going to do this discretely?"
Fox: "Yes... If I can find my dice."
Hugo: "The medic is going to get us killed."
Ian: "Irony."

DM: "There is a closet, yes, but you don't have the thumbs to open it."
Rydia: "Curse this cute little puppy form!"
Blackwolf: "Aww, she can't get her Beggin Strips!"
Rydia: "Shut up and find me a mailman."

Hugo: "I want to go into the basement."
DM: "There's an Employee Only door and a guard blocking you."
Hugo: *Walks up to the guard* "I have a package for... Mr. Harrison." *Making this up*
Guard: "I'll sign for it."
Hugo: "No, I need his signature."
Guard: "Fine... paging Mr. Harrision."
Hugo: "Uh oh."
Mr. Harrison: "Yes, can I help you?"
Hugo: "I think I'm beyond help right now."

DM: "Roll initiative."
Hugo: "14."
DM: "Same. What's your Reaction stat?"
Hugo: "5."
DM: "Same, haha! Okay, roll initiative again."
Hugo: "15."
DM: "Same!"
Hugo: "What's his Reaction stat?"
Table: "LOL!"
DM: "Third time's the charm?"
Hugo: "Okay, 18."
DM: "16."
Hugo: "Finally! That was the best initiative duel ever!"
Blackwolf: "It was like watching a Dragonball Z power-up scene sped up in five seconds.
DM: "Okay, Han shoots first. Roll your attack..."

Hugo: "Awww... I lost the computer."
Fox: "It wasn't yours to begin with."
Hugo: "I wanted to learn Mario Teaches Typing on it."
Henry: "You want to learn that on what was the world's most powerful hacking computer?!"
Hugo: "Hey, Mario rocks."
Snowfire: "DM, I look at the traffic down below for the biggest vehicle driving by."

[GPuzzle]

Please, Digo, I BEG you, tell us about this epic campaign.

[Loxagn]

Party Member 1: "So why am I not allowed to pilot your airship now?"
Party Member 2: "Because the last time I left it alone with you, it came back with a mouth instead of an airlock."
1: "Oh, come on. We've been over this. It was a VERY COMPLICATED SITUATION and I got the MacGuffin, anyway!"
2: "MY AIRSHIP HAS A MOUTH."
Ship: "Well, I like you."
1/2: "Shut UP, Phoenix!"

*group a*
Party Member 3: So how do we need to do this, anyway?
1: Whatever. Let's just stick all his **** in the pocket dimension and pull it out when we're home.
*group b*
NPC Escort: (rummaging in pockets) Oh. Oh, I forgot to give them this.
2: ... And what is that?
E: Ha! Is device to turn off my lab's security measures! Just in case somebody try to steal my work!
*group a*
3: I really don't think we should just go grabbing things before we're sure that-
1: Whatever. The guy wants us to transport his stuff, right? It's fine. (reaches to grab equipment)
*group b*
2: ... Doctor, exactly what sort of security measures do you have?
E: Heh heh heh. Lots.

"Wow, Alex. Pancakes? You... you made pancakes."
"Yup. I'm full of surprises, I know."
"Well... thanks. I'm surprised. I figured you the type to consider a balanced breakfast to consist of jack daniels and a donut."
"Well, not all the time."
...
"Alex, these taste funny."
"Then don't eat them."
"What is that... Alex?"
"Yeah?"
"I can't... Alex did you put Jack in the goddamn pancakes?!"
"... Yup."

[sktarq]

Well one of my players started a tumblr based on this very concept for quotes from our weekly game...

http://vtrmiami.tumblr.com/

[Loxagn]

"So let me get this straight. My security detail is a children's show action star, a washed-up glam rock star, a house phiarlan reporter, a tiefling with an itchy trigger finger, a soccer mom, and a hipster."

"Oh gods oh gods everyone's a Daelkyr oh gods run"

"Well. This is a very serious threat. I think it's time for my favorite war crime."
"Wait, what? War crime? Jared, is... Is that a drum for your grenade launcher?"
"Well, I don't advertise this, but really it's more of a grenade machine gun. And these are White Phosphorous grenades. Time to make this a party."

[Mnemophage]

"So, do you not want to do this because you don't want to do this, or because you truly don't want to do this?"

After telling her that this would be going in this very thread,
"Aaargh! Wait, did you show them my seamen?"

The aforementioned seamen,
"I should be fine, I'm used to being alone in a room filled with seamen..."

The raider has a certain habit,
"Wait, did I just waste that critical on flipping off the Dark Lord Sauron?"

[DigoDragon]

Please, Digo, I BEG you, tell us about this epic campaign.

Like... should I just do a quick write up here or some campaign journal? How should I relate this story?

[MonochromeTiger]

Like... should I just do a quick write up here or some campaign journal? How should I relate this story?

my personal suggestion? sock puppets. not sure that's entirely practical on forums but if you make it work it will astound and amaze and you'll be showered in gifts and adoration, possibly also showered in water.

[Amidus Drexel]

Like... should I just do a quick write up here or some campaign journal? How should I relate this story?

Honestly, if you've got the time/remember enough of the game, campaign journals are the way to go.

[Alex12]

P1: So we'll bring back the head. After all, dead men tell no lies.
Me: Speaking as a necromancer and a dead man, yes they can.

DM: The captain is impressed by the spread of your skills. You were pulling up the sail like you'd been doing it for 20 years, and then you put the oar in backwards.

P2: I'm going to jump off the ship and swim to shore!
DM: Roll for hypothermia. Actually, let's just get all the hypothermia rolls out of the way before bothering with the Swim checks.

Me: Look, you need to go to sleep. You're dead on your feet, and I'm saying this as someone who is literally dead on his feet.

DM: You easily outrun the warship.

[bulbaquil]

"I have a +7 to strip."

"Apparently, as a gnome, I have proficiency in the battle ladder, as it is a gnome weapon."

[Alex12]

DM: Hang on, is this an evil campaign?
P1: I'm Lawful Evil.
P2: Lawful Evil here.
P3: I'm Chaotic Evil.
P4: Chaotic Neutral.

[DigoDragon]

Honestly, if you've got the time/remember enough of the game, campaign journals are the way to go.

I may do just that then. I asked a friend who was part of that campaign and he still had a notebook with two of the sessions (and that we called the team "The Majestic 12" for some reason... might be because of how many runners we went through).

Anyway, next batch of quotes? :3

Spoiler

Show

Johnson: "I have a job that requires some professional attention."
Henry: n_n
Blackwolf: "Don't. Say. A Word."
Henry: "But I didn't-"
Blackwolf: "You looked it."
Henry: "So should I look at you in a different tone of voice?"

Henry: "I don't know if I want the notoriety of watching rugrats."
Sophia: "What, you can't handle babysitting a bunch of kids for one afternoon?"
Blackwolf: "Think of it as a widening experience."
Fox: "Your resume can then include 'controlling small weather patterns'."

DM: "The bus ride over to the zoo is pretty unsuccessful."
Henry: "Pretty unsuccessful? We didn't make it?"
Blackwolf: "What happened?"
DM: "Huh? Err, I mean uneventful! Uneventful!"
Henry: "Yeah, I was going to ask about our demise on a bus ride."
Fox: "We never stood a chance against public transportation."
Blackwolf: "Bus rolled down the hill, caught fire, exploded, limbs flying everywhere... the usual..."

Henry: "So, still think this babysitting job is worth it?"
Hugo: "I hear Africa is nice this time of year."

Toxic Shaman: "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"

Sara & Sally: "Come play with us."
Hugo: "I don't want to die." D:

DM: "Dang, my dice are rolling terrible. Not hits at all."
Henry: "Here, you want me to roll for you?"
DM: "What, you're asking me to let you roll your secret rolls for you... secretly...?"

Henry: "I shut off the signal."
DM: "Some of the animals stop running around and cool off. They look confused."
Henry: "Before they were walking together like 'Imotep... Imotep...'"

Winoa: *Picks up a snake*
Blackwolf: "Winoa, put that back!"
Winoa: *Puts the snake down* "See you later."
Snake: *Hiss nods in understanding and slithers off*
Hugo: "But... that... how... parseltongue... who...?"

Henry: "Thank you for your cooperation with Lonestar."
Citizen: "How do I know you weirdos are cops?"
Blackwolf: "Our logo will be on your next bill."
Citizen: "You are Lonestar!"

Henry: "Someone is spying on Ms. Sanchez's residence. Even her bathtub is bugged with cameras."
Sophia: "So who's spying on this woman and how should we handle them?"
Henry: "I was thinking of giving them what-for by taking a shower."

DM: "Blackwolf, your turn to attack."
Blackwolf: "First of all, a burst-"
Henry: *ACHOOO!!* "There it is."
Blackwolf: "Ewww..."
DM: "Okay, Blackwolf, roll to soak that."

Sophia: "If you can dodge a Humvee, you can dodge a ball!"

Blackwolf: "And with that, there's only one Team Grab member left alive and he won't be returning to Aztlan."
Hugo: "Huh? Why return to a lion?"

Sophia: "On a scale of 1 to 10, this is a negative tree."
Henry: "Tree?"
Sophia: "I misspoke."
Hugo: "Those F***ing carrots. *sob* So tasty..."
Everyone: *Distances themselves from Hugo*

Mr. Johnson: "I have a job that requires a good amount of brain matter and leg work."
Hugo: "Blackwolf's out."
Henry: "Hugo's out."
Fox: "Henry is too lazy to use his legs."
Blackwolf: "...That is to say, this whole team ain't it."

Hugo: "Doesn't Galileo know something about dragons?"
Henry: "That's why he declined to come along on this mission."
Blackwolf: "Why? He has that Dragon Eye symbol on his coat."
Henry: "And do we know what that symbol actually means?"
Team: "... ..."
Henry: "And did anyone bother to ask him what that symbol means?"
Team: "... ..."
Henry: "Right, that's going on the To-Do list."

Blackwolf: "Do you remember how many thieves broke in?"
Johnson: "I think there were four, in all black garb."
Blackwolf: "Four people in black camo? Like ninjas?"
Hugo: "Four ninjas? So that means there were 12 ninjas, right?"

Blackwolf: "Does it smell like dragon in here?"
DM: "Yes, with a hint of incense."
Hugo: "Is it Sandalwood? I HATE Sandalwood."
Sophia: "Funny how everyone hates every scent but one."
Blackwolf: "Patchouli is my favorite. In case you need the hint."
DM: "I prefer Barbecue scent, but that's just me."

Blackwolf: "Super Joe, watch the back yard. Make sure nothing is watching us."
Super Joe: "Can do!"
Blackwolf: "Okay, I'm going to now g-"
Super Joe: *Opens fire on the lawn*
Blackwolf: "What the hell?!"
Super Joe: "Gopher. What's left of it anyway."

Hugo: "If it can hold a branch, it can fire a gun!"
Sophia: "How does that even work?!"
Fox: "Gangster treants?"

Hugo: "I'm still upset I got scolded."
Johnson: "It's alright. It's just water under the bridge. You can drown yourself in that."

Blackwolf: "At least when elves and dwarves were born, they were cute."
Super Joe: "Cute baby dwarves? That's like saying a hairy lunchbox is cute."

Hugo: "If someone rents a room, they get a key card access to that room, right?"
DM: "Of course! If you're spending 150 nuyen a night, it better come with a key to get in."
Sophia: "Hugo, were your parents related, like, before they were married?"

DM: "You sense a... sort of a taint here. Like..."
Hugo: "Carrots. Tainted carrots." *sob*
DM: "..."
Fox: "Did Hugo get attacked by a carrot in some adventure I missed?"
Sophia: "Hugo gets attacked by a lot of things the rest of us missed out on. Like brain damage."

Henry: "What purpose does putting a dozen people in a virtual world hotel serve?! What is the point of this VR Matrix? What is the point of anything here? Did I take the red pill or the blue pill this morning?"
Hugo: "...I mixed them together in your drink and it turned purple."

Henry: "...so yeah, never deal with a dragon."
Blackwolf: "It's a little too late for that, and seriously, who in their right mind is gonna tell a dragon 'NO' in person?"
Henry: "You could have texted her. She knows how to use a commlink."
Blackwolf: "She also knows where we live!"
Henry: "And who's fault is that?"
Fox: "Google Maps, mostly."

DM: "Please don't ever try to wield a gun in your fly."

Hugo: "The what? Was I there for that?"
Sophia: "Yes. You were busy helping Fox off the bathroom floor, remember?"
Fox: "-And wiping 'mage' off your shirt from the headshot you delivered."
Hugo: "We seem to find a lot of danger in public restrooms."

[Vwulf DeMarcus]

DM: Alright, everyone roll Spot.
*Ranger rolls a 1*
Ranger: *facedesks* I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.

[Genth]

P1 - "My Dire Tiger attempts to grab the Eggolem"
DM - "It's twice the size of it!".
P1 - *Rolls a 20*
DM - ".... Make a strength check"
P1 - *Rolls a 1*
DM - "The tiger is now stuck on the side of the Eggolem".

-Later-

GM - "Ok, P2, make a strength check to push the Eggolem out of the way"
P2 - *rolls a 1*
GM - "It starts to roll over you, you take *rolls* 37 damage. Make an Acrobatics check"
P2 - "Acrobatics is untrained!" *rolls a 20*
GM - ".... You are standing on top of the Eggolem as it rolls down the hill"

[Ninjaxenomorph]

Ulfen Cavalier: We could interrogate him by using the Bardic Performance abilities for Fascinate and Suggestion.
GM: Uh, he makes his save for the first one.
Ulfen Viking: Doesn't the Shaken condition subtract from his saves?
Tien/Ulfen Samurai: Good idea! All of us Ulfen yell at him for a minute straight.
Ulfen Cavalier: YOU WILL LISTEN TO HER MUSIC! LISTEN TO IT
Ulfen Viking: Does a 32 intimidate demoralize him?
GM: ... He fails both saves.

[Neli42]

GM to ROGUE: You find a secret door. It appears to be for rodent use.

[bulbaquil]

"Lamashtu is a Pokemon breeder."

P1 (cleric): "So after you leveled, I told you about your religion."
P2 (paladin): "So that's what Ragathiel does! This makes a lot more sense all of a sudden!"

GM: "(P1), you gain one (P3)."
P1: "Oh, I get one (P3) point?"
GM: "No, you get one (P3)."
P4: "He's over there. Go claim him."

P5: "Congratulations. He's just demoted you to emergency food supply."

P4: "So, we meet again... Monitor."
GM: "So does that make you the anti-Monitor?"
P3: "Actually, I think (P6) would be the anti-Monitor because he's the one trying to kill it."
GM: "He wants to destroy all time and space!"
P4: "And monitor lizards."

[DigoDragon]

Another round of quotes from my old Shadowrun group~

Spoiler

Show

Blackwolf: “Which elevators go to the basement?”
DM: “They all can reach the basement, but you need to swipe a special keycard for access.”
Blackwolf: “Of course. We have to swipe a card so we can swipe a card.”

Blackwolf: “If I'm lucky, I can insult the Japanese by winning. I don't know what the Chinese and Koreans do.”
Super Joe: “They all set you on fire. It's the universal language.”

Blackwolf: “Hugo, do you know anything about bartending?”
Hugo: “I know how to drink.”
Blackwolf: “Can you mix colors?”
Hugo: “Yeah, red and blue make green.”
Blackwolf: *5 second pause* “No...”

Super Joe: *Puts quarters in a row of slot machines, pulling each handle down the row*
Security: “Excuse me sir, you're doing it wrong.”
Super Joe: *Puts a quarter in the man's coat pocket and pulls his arm*

Blackwolf: “If you hear horfbeats, you expect to see Zebras?”
Sophia: *Trying hard not to laugh*
Super Joe: “...What's a horfbeat?”
Snowfire: “You know, the security chief on Star Trek with a beat box; Lt. Commander Horf.”
Sophia: *Dies laughing*

Fox: “Hello, Secretary of Defense? We can't find Carl Vinson.”
Blackwolf: “You lost an aircraft carrier? How?!”

Super Joe: “What are we doing? Is there money? Sure I'll do the money thing.”

Super Joe: “How strong is that door?”
DM: “Very. It's metal.”
Super Joe: “I kiss it.”
DM: “...uh, it shows you no love.”
Fox: “It's like my last date, cold and hard.”

DM: “You see an incineration room.”
Fox: “How many companion cubes do I see?”
DM: “Two.”
Sophia: *Squee*

Fox: “I put the artifact in a bag, put the bag in a box, put the box in a room, put the room in another dimension, lock it, and throw away the room.”

Johnson: “This is a photo of the stolen vehicle from my garage. I want your team to get it back.”
Fox: “Does the car have any kind of defense or security system?”
Johnson: “Not anymore since it was STOLEN.”

Hugo: “I'm Assensing Blackwolf for something not natural on him.”
Henry: “Like his intelligence?”
Hugo: “No hits... Blackwolf doesn't exist.”
Fox: “I take 5 minutes to search down the street and I come back to see the ork patting down the elf.”
Hugo: “I'll have you know I did not lay a finger on him!”
Fox: “That's what my last date said.”

Super Joe: “I insult the garage for using me in its innuendo-laiden deviant games!”

Auto Mechanic: “That car's top speed was 180 mph. Good luck catching it.”
Fox: “Fine, I go back to Daphne. I need sleep.”
Super Joe: “I want one of those.”
Blackwolf: “Want what, a Daphne?”
Super Joe: “No, I don't deal in damaged goods. I meant the car.”

DM: “It's dark and storming heavily. For the spellcasters, you can feel deep dispair, pain, and hopelessness.”
Super Joe: “Like a thousand voices all cried out-”
Sophia: “-Asking when is Half-Life Episode 3 coming out-”
Fox: “-and were suddenly disappointed.”

Hospital: “GET. OUT.”
Blackwolf: “No!”
Super Joe: “Eff you!”
Hugo: “Hell naw.”
DM: “...they don't make scared PCs like they used to.”

Fox: “Did the building... actually say that?”
DM: “Yes, you all heard that voice, but it doesn't seem like anyone cares.”
Blackwolf: “Oh please. It's been done before.”
Super Joe: “And we've got guns.”
Snowfire: “All in favor of making this hospital cry like a little girl?”
Runner Team: “AYE!!”
DM: *Facepalm*

Super Joe: “Have a gun. Have 30 of them, I don't care.”
Patient: “Why are you heavily armed?”
Fox: “He's a Community Service Officer.”

Hugo: “Does the building yell at us again if I punch the wall?”

Blackwolf: “Let's take the patients outside and put them in the ambulance.”
Fox: “No, if we leave them there while we search the hospital we may not find the ambulance where we left it.”
Hugo: “We step outside and see several patients sitting on cinder blocks.”

DM: “Snowfire, you notice a small red laser dot on your chest.”
Snowfire: “I duck!”
DM: “Okay, but because of your size the laser dot moves from your chest to your head.”
Blackwolf: “Try standing up really tall?”
Snowfire: “I'd rather take the chest shot!”

Hugo: “These are the dice from Kerplunk.”
Super Joe: “Dude, those are marbles.”

Super Joe: “Guys, only Snowfire's reflection appears in that mirror.”
Snowfire: “Well, looks like you're all vampires. Everyone form a line here so I can stake you all.”
Hugo: “Mmm... steaks.”

Super Joe: “It's like that... Bloody Mary Long Island Ice Tea or whatever her name was.”

Fox: “Clear! Clear! Hold still!”
Super Joe: “She keeps hitting mailboxes!”

Super Joe: “Where's the border between dying and brain dead?”
Fox: “About 5 minutes.”
Snowfire: “She's been out nearly 2.”
Super Joe: “Oh great, damaged goods.”
Blackwolf: “Cool, we can hire her on our team.”
Hugo: “Yeah, cause we're all special Snowfires.”
Snowfire: *Glares at Hugo*
Hugo: "Snowflakes! I meant to say snowflakes!"
Blackwolf: “What if Snowflake was his slower sister?”
Snowfire: “That's it, I'm staking you all on principal.”

[Samshiir]

ADHD: Attention Deficit Hyperactive Dragon.

[Spacebatsy]

PC 1: “Oh, no we do not look suspicious at all dragging around an apathetic little girl and a teenage mutant…”
PC 2: “Ninja turtle!”
PC 1: “Shut up! … covered in blood and gore”
PC 3: “I have an idea, I’ll take them to that fancy bathhouse”
PC 1: “The one used by the nobility? How will you ever get them in there? Did I mention he is a mutant?”
PC 2: “Ninja turtle!”
PC 3: “I’ll tell them they’re my children”
GM: “Now this I got to hear”

NPC: “Your kids does not really look like you…”
PC 3: “I know. Ugly mother”
NPC: “What?”
PC 3: “Bad genes, you know, just look at the girl!”
NPC: “… can I help you?”
PC 3: “Yes we need a private room. The boy’s a bit shy, he’s a eunuch”
NPC: “… wha?”
PC 3: “Don’t you pay attention? I told you: Ugly. Mother.”

PC 2: “Well I though we ought to disarm the bomb”
PC 1: “By setting it on fire?”

PC 3: “Maybe she thought this was the best time to talk about it?”
PC 1: “When tomorrow all of this become a demon-world?”
PC 3: “Well that’s tomorrow”

PC: “You two [soldiers] check the body!”
*BANG*
Soldier: “Checked!”

GM: “You realize you will need another code to access this door”
PC 1: “Okay, [GM], I know you’re upset about the new security in your corridor, but try not to take it out on us”
GM: “Two keys, a code and a card! It’s not humane! How am I supposed to keep track of all that? Who are they expecting? Jack the bloody Ripper?!”

“Are we going to discuss RPG or personal hygiene?”

“Pain is nothing more than weakness leaving the body”

GM (off-talk): “I did mention that they would probably be closed if we waited, but no matter, I guess we can eat…”
Player 1: “STOP IT!”
GM (bewildered): “What?! What?!”
Player 1: “You are using your inquisitor-voice!”
GM: “Wha… No I’m not!”
Player 1: “You are! You even lower your voice in the same disappointed, passive aggressive manner. I’m half expecting a bullet through the head at any second now!”
Player 2: “Oh, that’s it, I was wondering why it felt like I had done something wrong”

“Hah! I win! You shall all worship me! I am the morning and evening star! I… don’t handle victory well…”

GM: “To summarize: the assassin flees, the ganger is dead with his arm sawed off, the psyker blows up everything except the target, the arbitrator doesn’t even register what’s happening while the scholar cuts down the murder-cyborg in a whirlwind of swords and gore…. What are you doing?! This is not how you play this game!”

“He has the biggest belt-buckle in the galaxy. On his hat”

GM: “You hear someone calling your name through the obviously broken radio”
Tech-priest: “I break it!”
GM: “The rest of you watch the tech-priest tear out a broken radio and stepping repeatedly on it”
PC2: “He’s a tech-priest, he knows what he is doing”

PC 1: “That was a bit of a heretical statement…”
PC 2: “Yes, but to funny for the pyre”

GM: “Argh! Procure some rags and stuff them in all the cracks of my bedroom. You can have the extra XP”
Player 1: “I’m scared and confused”
GM: “I am talking about mercy, it sometimes creeps, quite unexpectedly and perfidiously, through the narrowest cracks.”
Player 2: "Again with the Shakespeare?"
GM: “Well no extra XP for you, ignorant fool”
Player 3: “The Master and Margarita?”
GM: “And [Player 2]s XP goes to [Player 3]! …He understands me“
Player 1: “Thus the hostility continued to grow between the humanities and the engineers”

“In the void no-one can hear you cheat”

GM: *Mockingly* “come buy my strange potions”
PC 2: “Are we in the bar?”

“I chew the gun pipe”

GM: “You reach the door leading to the basement…”
PC 3: “Alright gang, let’s go down!”
GM “… guarded by two priests”
PC 3: “… down on our knees and pray!”

[Necroticplague]

Shibu:Wait, so I am/was/will be my own mother? I wonder who my father/husband is/was/is going to be.
Arhinpc:That would also be you.
Shibu:.....What....
Archinpc:Well, eventually your going to have had discovered you shape-changing powers, go back in time, get very drunk, and have a lovely night with some vaguely-familiar lady.
Archinpc:Even later, you'll repeat the process, only with some vaguely familiar man this time around.
Shibu:Wait, when did I have/do I get shape-shifting powers?
Shibu;And are their any pronouns or prepositions that make this less confusing to talk about?
Archinpc:Sorry, this situation really hasn't come up enough for language to adapt to it, you're on your own there.
Archinpc;And, you've always had them, since both of your parents did. You just haven't figured out how to use them.
Shibu:This is making my head hurt.

[Adoendithas]

Shibu:Wait, so I am/was/will be my own mother? I wonder who my father/husband is/was/is going to be.
Arhinpc:That would also be you.
Shibu:.....What....
Archinpc:Well, eventually your going to have had discovered you shape-changing powers, go back in time, get very drunk, and have a lovely night with some vaguely-familiar lady.
Archinpc:Even later, you'll repeat the process, only with some vaguely familiar man this time around.
Shibu:Wait, when did I have/do I get shape-shifting powers?
Shibu;And are their any pronouns or prepositions that make this less confusing to talk about?
Archinpc:Sorry, this situation really hasn't come up enough for language to adapt to it, you're on your own there.
Archinpc;And, you've always had them, since both of your parents did. You just haven't figured out how to use them.
Shibu:This is making my head hurt.

Is Shibu the only non-Revenant character, by chance? ; )

[GrayGriffin]

Shibu:Wait, so I am/was/will be my own mother? I wonder who my father/husband is/was/is going to be.
Arhinpc:That would also be you.
Shibu:.....What....
Archinpc:Well, eventually your going to have had discovered you shape-changing powers, go back in time, get very drunk, and have a lovely night with some vaguely-familiar lady.
Archinpc:Even later, you'll repeat the process, only with some vaguely familiar man this time around.
Shibu:Wait, when did I have/do I get shape-shifting powers?
Shibu;And are their any pronouns or prepositions that make this less confusing to talk about?
Archinpc:Sorry, this situation really hasn't come up enough for language to adapt to it, you're on your own there.
Archinpc;And, you've always had them, since both of your parents did. You just haven't figured out how to use them.
Shibu:This is making my head hurt.

Is this a reference to Robert Heinlein's All You Zombies?

[DigoDragon]

More shenanigans!

Spoiler

Show

Blackwolf: "Okay, who knows anything about Blood magic, raise your hand?
Team: *Does nothing*
Blackwolf: "Don't everyone raise your hand at once."
DM: "Looks like no one knows this subject."
Ian: "Would it help if I keep my hand down longer?"

Sophia: "Should one of us stop Super Joe from playing with his guns?"
Blackwolf: "As long as he's not juggling rifle rounds, I don't care."
DM: "Okay, continue on."
Ian: "But not continue to juggle those rifle rounds."

Patient: "Password!!"
Blackwolf: "Tesla." *Holds up a taser*
Henry: "Rats, coiled again?"

DM: "The demonic old man shoots lightning at you."
Blackwolf: "I'm going to parry it."
DM: "Parry lightning?"
Blackwolf: "With my magic sword."
DM: "...Parry lightning?"
Henry: "That sounds like someone's name."
Sophia: "He's Perry, Perry the lightning bolt! Perry! Agent P!
Henry: "Blackwolf, I know what we're going to do today!" :D

Fox: "I hereby banish you to the nearest nonexistent non-dimensional space by the power invested in me from the state of New York!"

Snowfire: "Ugh, lightning. Why is it I'm constantly being electrocuted?!"
Henry: "Tonight's not your night."
Snowfire: "Freakin' siths and their force-lighting B.S."
Ian & DM: *Singing* "Whatever it is I think I see, becomes a Palpatine to me."

Blackwolf: "Okay I pull the card out of the toilet and wipe it off."
Fox: "The writing wiped off. Cheap-ass security card."
Super Joe: "I got a magic marker. I'll write 'President of the UCAS, level Awesome security clearance' on it."
DM: "Seems legit."

Fox: "I tape this sign to the doctor."
Sign: "Bill: 10,000 Nuyen copay. Sincerely, Dr. Joseph Fox."

Fox: "I disbelieve!"
DM: "What are you disbelieving?"
Fox: "Reality!"
Blackwolf: "Why would you think..."
DM: "Fox vanishes."
Henry: "Say what?!"
DM: "Fox is gone. Vanished. Disappeared-- As in 'This User Has Logged Off the Matrix' gone."
Henry: "What? Like Chuck Norris? He just divided by Zero?"

Hugo: "You didn't say nothing about no needle!"
Henry: "I didn't punch you with it..."
Hugo: "You didn't say nothing about no needle!"
Henry: "...Hard."

Blackwolf: "Who brought us here?! I want answers!!"
Scientist: "Uh... I think the seargent's name was Moore."
Henry: "Wait... you don't mean... Seargent Les Moore?"
Scientist: "More or less, I don't know."

Fox: "These chairs look like an ergonomically designed Pringle."

Security: "What kind of doctor are you?"
Fox: "Well I never touched the sides in the game Operation. That should count for something."

Hugo: "I hear boss music."
Super Joe: "Yeah, we're in a pickle."
Fox: "We're in a jar of pickles."
Boss: "You ARE the pickles!" *Fires a light machine gun at the team*

DM: "You also see an ambulance with its front end smashed so badly that the engine block is sitting on the driver's seat."
Henry: "Eek. I hope the driver wasn't sitting there at the time that happened."
DM: "Well you do notice some roast beef on the steering wheel. That might be what's left of him."
Hugo: "Mmm... you know guys, we haven't eaten today."

DM: "You arrive at the scene to see-"
Fox: "A dissappointment."
DM: "Well, I mean you see something like the ending to a Michael Bay movie-"
Fox: "A dissappointment!"

Hugo: "Why are you screening your calls? I'm the only one who calls you! ...Wait."

Blackwolf: "So the only one not accounted for is Rydia."
Hugo: "Maybe it's a case where if she can't see the camera, then the camera can't see her?"
Fox: "Isn't Rydia the blind one?"
Hugo: "Then there you go, she's invisible!"

Blackwolf: "Has Hugo seen our astral signatures?"
Hugo: "I see them ALL the time."
DM: "Astral voyeurism?"

Henry: "Spontaneous housing combustion?"
Blackwolf: "It's happened before."
Super Joe: "Yes, I was there. I was the one holding the detonator."

Blackwolf: "How blood-covered is Snowfire?"
Snowfire: "I look like a vaguely pinkish dragon now."
Hugo: *Walks in* "Who's the faerie?"
Snowfire: "Correction, a vaguely pinkish dragon with a fist."

Daphne: "According to Rydia, she killed Lyle for reasons. One was about some unstated personal bad history."
Super joe: "What kind of unstated personal bad history?"
Rydia: *From across the room* "Think about what you just said, dummy!"
Daphne: "Wow, it's like she's still here with us. Anyway, I got Lyle's commlink and it has a lot of pictures of Rydia on them."
Fox: "Here, let me have that. For research purposes of course."
Henry: "If I tell Rydia that Fox is going through Lyle's commlink, would that be the comm before the storm?"

Ms. M: "Are you all okay?"
Henry: "We had an... interesting time."
Ms. M: "I'll say. You all are like the bloody Death Star. You get together and sh*t blows up."
Hugo: "We've all been busy."
Ms. M: "Well if I ever need Seattle relocated across the Pacific, then I know who to call."
Blackwolf: "Hell no!"
Hugo: "So what happens if Seattle hits Japan?"
Henry: "Depends on how much damage a city does when launched."
Daphne: "I'd imagine Japan would be listing to one side, smoking and taking on water."
Hugo: "You sunk my Japanship!"