Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[DaMullet]

Ah... The good old days... I used to take Weapon Proficiency: Lute/Guitar/Fiddle (whichever I felt like) and use that as a Summon Weapon spell.

El Kabong!

[RandomNPC]

735: I will not run around and pretend to be on fire when it's my turn to wake everyone up, especially if we stay at a large inn.

[Subotei]

736: Elven Wizard's do not brandish severed Gnoll Heads.
737: Or take Craft: Skull-cup at the next level-up.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

738: I am not allowed to roll randomly when it comes to my next action in a town. Especially when the die results are as follows;
1-18: Blast the Inn.
19: Kill the party.
20: Wait until the party is in the Inn and blast it.
739: I will not name my animal companion/familiar "Fodder".
740: When negotiating with the powerful illithid lord make sure when he's found out you're going to betray him not to break the window with the gnome and jump out from 5 stories while the rest of your party is left to fight him.
741: Santa Clause is NOT on the Summon Monster X list.

[mikeejimbo]

The DM rolled her eyes a lot.

Her? As in a female?

keep pretty girls away from thog!

[Mike_G]

Her? As in a female?

keep pretty girls away from thog!

Yeah.

Some girls do play.

Married me one.

[EddieBird]

I D.M. and I'm female.

[mikeejimbo]

I gotta meet me one of them.

[Lilivati]

Female DMs FTW! :D

And: "You may not touch that lever that everyone knows will kill us all just because it's shiny"

[Jade_Tarem]

742: Even if I can justify an LA of zero, it is understood that I will not be teleporting anywhere as a lantern archon until level 15.
743: Not allowed to buy, carry, sell, possess, or receive as a gift any weapon manufactured by gnomes.
744: Not allowed to construct and use a rail gun no matter how much I put into the relevant skills.
745: I am not permitted to design a heavier-than-air airship even if I have levels in both bard and loremaster and max ranks in the relevant engineering skills.
746: I am also not permitted to use the VoP monk's starting gold to actually commission said vehicle.
747: I am not to allow the wizard to polymorph me into a banzai bush so that my gargantuan treant can follow the party.
748: Not permitted to "zing" the BBEG during his monologue.
749: Not permitted to start casting AoE's during box text.
750: Not permitted to have an animal companion of any form named "Big Jim."
751: Krackens and confined spaces do not mix.
752: Not allowed to staple a note reading: "Sorry - The Gnomes" to any part of anything.
752a: Especially if it's bleeding...
752b: or on fire...
752c: or both.
753: May not play an initiate of the sevenfold veil and make the rogue irrelevant by laughing off every trap in the dungeon.
754: May not remind the DM that a fight involving multiple aleaxs is totally lame. Especially when the fight is over in one round with no aleax left alive.
755: May not ever again play a ghost with a hammer.
756: May not ever again play a wu jen/air savant for the purposes of becoming an intelligent colossal tornado with blue fireballs for eyes.
757: While not expressly forbidden, arrows of healing are considered a bad idea.
758: Even if I am humming the Indiana Jones theme song, a 1 on the use rope check is a 1 on the use rope check.
759: Despite the ambiguous wording in the Races of Stone book, not all gnomes are easy.
760: Retroactive killing, even if sanctioned by the rules, is forbidden.
761: Not permitted to utilize a wish, miracle, or reality revision if my character is a dragon.
762: That goes double for a half celestial phoera.
763: When everyone but the paladin can remember what the paladin did last night, it is not my patriotic duty to inform him. In detail.
764: May not call pun-pun a lame poser to his face.
765: And behind his back isn't exactly a sure bet, either.
766: Not allowed to speak in a satanic voice unless the character warrants it.
767: "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for trapping the healer in a room with 600 goblins and one balor.
768: May not make a character based on Saemon Havarian from BGII, it makes the other players nervous...
769: A restaining order is not sufficient to keep the BBEG from the objective we're supposed to be protecting.
770: Stealing cities is considered bad form.
771: ... as is questioning the flammability of the palace while in the audience of the king.
772: No longer permitted to carry fire or anything capable of starting one into a bar.
773: A belt of dwarvenkind's effects are magical, not an artifact of being "too snug."
774: May not employ the spell Knock with any respect to female attire. This also goes for size altering spells.
775: It doesn't matter what the intelligence of the character is, a greataxe is not a healing wand.
776: No longer allowed to burst out laughing when I see the prison we're being taken to.
777: The elf is not going to drop the soap no matter what the disarm check was.
778: No longer allowed to claim that the frigid, snide female character has an antilife shell around her.
779: Trebuchets and clerics do not mix.
780: Riding an escaping, dying, ten-headed winged demon into the depths of hell is not considered an "exit strategy."
781: May not ever pose a question to a deity involving the word "virginity."

[The Orange Zergling]

I thought of another one!
551: I'm not allowed to play a Paladin named "Leeroy Jenkins" for any reason

LOL!

'nuff said.

[broderickdruce]

723: It is not appropriate to cast "Light" on a party member's pants

I did something similar, it was to a flying, invisible enemys pants... I think my DM's head exploded when i did it.

782: Familiars are not to be used to turn touch spells into ranged touch spells.
782b: Espcially when said familiar only has 5 ft movent
782c: and must get past enemy lines.
783: Weapon Proficiency - Familiar does not exist
784: "I must go now, my home plane needs me" is not to be said when plainshifting during a life or death struggle.
785: Just because the Barbarian has a high Int does not mean he should take levels in Wizard.
785b: If he does he is not allowed a hamster Familiar named Boo.

[Sesquedoodle]

786 a. Peeing on the wall is not an appropriate way to solve the puzzle.
786 b. It usually works, though.

(We were trapped in a place where the corridors had changed, preventing us from getting out. We'd figured out that there was a part of the wall that was a bit... strange, and we reckoned it was our way out. We couldn't think how to get through it, though, and what happened was tha we made the assassin run into it several times to see if he went through. After a while of this, the assassin decided to pee on the wall.
It didn't melt the wall or anything, but we did figure out shortly afterwards that there was a crack at the bottom of the wall that we could lever upwards so that we could lift the wall up. We insisted on using some of the cleric's holy water to wash our hands after that.)

[Bosh]

787. I am not allowed to spend all of the party's funds on a pony. It doesn't matter if the ribbons are included for free.
788. Setting wolves on fire in an urban setting seldom improves matters.
789. I am not allowed to eat portable holes.
790. I am not allowed to base PCs off of gummi bear characters.
791. I am not allowed to use my warhammar as a golf club.
792. It is unlikely that hitting a large stove with a hammer in hopes that it will fly through the air and hit a nearby werewolf will have any positive effects.
793. I am not allowed to suggest that the party wizard cast a fire ball centered on me to kill off the invisible critters that are attacking me.
793a. Especially when I have 12 HPs, no evasion and a reflex save bonus of 4.
794. I am not allowed to made a front-line meleer with under eight points of con.
795. I am not allowed to charge the enemy army singlehandedly at 4th level.
795a. Even if I'm wearing plate mail.
796. However good it may be to take the enemy from behind, charging through a formation of orcs is not an effective way of doing this.
797. I am not allowed to use my hat of disguise solely to appear to be thematically-appropriate action movie actors.

[DaMullet]

798) Explosive Runes is not to be cast on the cheque used to pay the rude merchant.
799) Explosive Runes is not to be cast on the letter to the king sent to demand payment.
800) Explosive Runes Is not to be cast.

[Nahal]

738: I am not allowed to roll randomly when it comes to my next action in a town. Especially when the die results are as follows;
1-18: Blast the Inn.
19: Kill the party.
20: Wait until the party is in the Inn and blast it.

I had something like this once. We got really frustrated with the campaign and I made my character an "insanity chart" where I'd randomly roll if we got frustrated, lost, or something bizarre happened. Once it solved a puzzle. I'm not even kidding; I rolled to randomly fireball something and the damage woke me from the dream we'd been forced into.

Also
801) I am not allowed to cast magic missile on plot devices. It invariably causes more problems than it solves. (One time it killed an entire city.)
802) I am never to encourage another PC to cast dispel magic on or near a plot device (the resulting shockwave damaged or removed ALL magic in the campaign setting).
803) "I disbelieve" is not a solution to every puzzle (though it did solve a couple...). It is impolite to do this every time something doesn't make sense.

[warbacon]

802) I am never to encourage another PC to cast dispel magic on or near a plot device (the resulting shockwave damaged or removed ALL magic in the campaign setting).

Oh lord ... I remember that game ....

What sucked was that I was a shape-shifting intelligent magic item at the time, and that dispel magic (which ended up with a caster level of 2000 or so) kinda broke me for a long time.

Howabout these? (All from the same campaign, mind you)

803) It is generally unwise to allow the murderous bunnies who worship you as their god to tie up a high-level, good NPC and attempt to sacrifice him in your name.
803a) It is doubly unwise to undo his gag to allow him some final words.
803b) Especially when those final words are Power Word: Kill.
804) I will not tell Nahal to repeatedly cast fire spells at my back just because I think I might have wings.
805) Never again will I let the batcrap insane Master of the Sevenfold Veil out of my sight with powerful artifacts of creation.

there are lots more ... the god of liches, everything and anything with a character that Louis played, anything and everything to do with Snitch...

[mixmastermind]

806) I am not allowed to use Gnomes as a bludgeoning weapon.
807) I am not allowed to use any external bodily Organ of my own as a bludgeoning weapon, excluding hands/feet. You guys know what I'm talkin' about.

[Shadow of the Sun]

I may have posted this before, but I think it didn't show up, so

(Insert appropriate number here): I am not allowed to make an evil gnome with massive eyebrows called John Howard and use INT as his dump stat

[Nahal]

What about John Edward?

[Edo]

809. No new golem types are to be invented from bodily fluids.
810. While the paladin is using the bathroom, it is inappropriate to make jokes about holy water.
811. All future clerics are henceforth banned from selecting as their patron deity the Great Polyhedra in the Sky, even if it is their sincere belief that the Great Polyhedra in the Sky determine the nature, qualities and destiny of everything in existence.

More will be forthcoming.

[Jade_Tarem]

812: Magic Missile is not permitted in accuracy competitions.
813: No longer allowed to analyze the BBEG's cryptic message and figure out that he's "got nothing."
814: No longer allowed to give instructions to the gnome assassin.
815: No longer allowed to point out that, by the DM's logic, burning = stealing.
816: No longer allowed to utilize custom traps as a PC.
817: Not allowed to start singing "shake your bon-bon" when the irresistable dance spell is cast.
818: It is generally assumed that I will not be committing additional crimes during my arraignment hearing for previous crimes.
819: When I play the healbot, it is to be assumed that I will be doing more healing than flamestriking.
820: No longer allowed to say "We grab the plot-hook and swim for dear life."
821: I am no longer allowed to make cracks about the shapeshifter being all the villiage people at once.
822: When the term "loan shark" is used, it is assumed that it is in an economic context.
823: Not permitted to do anything I saw on 8-Bit Theater.
824: I am not the fury.
825: When I recieve a mission from the gods, the correct response is not: "I'll put it on my to-do list."
826: Not permitted to do anything that may collapse the black market.
827: There is no justification for a half-celestial succubus.
828: May not seak out a Major Geas as a form of life insurance.
829: May not go back in time once I realize that the original drow leaders just needed a hug.
830: No longer allowed to use bluff checks while cooking.
831: No longer allowed to base a character off of any Iron Chef.

[Kesnit]

827: There is no justification for a half-celestial succubus.

Sadly, I can think of one... It involves demons invading the Celestrial realms, but I can see it happening.

[Khantalas]

832) In no way is my cleric character allowed to worship any of the following: pi, golden ratio, Planck constant, C-U-T-A-G, FTC, etc.
833) Servant of the Fallen is not a valid explanation for such worship.
834a) I am not allowed to re-name my character as one of those should s/he ascend to divinity.
834b) No, not even then.

[Archonic Energy]

835) i may not call a warforged bard "Jukebox"
836) neither can i call it "I Pod"
837) it doesn't play an electric lute
838) neither does it have a built in amp.
839) my Warforged Paladin's warcry is not "For the Greater Good"
840) my Warforged Cleric's holy symbol is not the windows logo
841) Neither is it the Apple logo
842) and its Diety is not "Mr Gates"
843) or Doctor light
844) i may not name a warforged fighter "Megaman"
845) Or "Rock"
846) or even "X"
847) and the built in crossbow is not an "X-Blaster"
848) Drow hand crossbows do not come in "repeting style"
849) any mention of Cadderly's Oil bolts will be dealt with by a sundering barbarian
850) the backup lockpick is not the barbarians warhammer
851) and even if it is it will not be refered to it as "the master key"
852) my Dwarf with knoledge (ore) can not find Uranium 232

[Druid_lord]

853) I am NEVER AGAIN allowed to modify a crossbow to specifically fire babies EVER! True story. It actually wasn't that weak when i tied spikes to the thier heads.

[reorith]

854) i am not allowed to cast animate dead on a stillborn
855) perform(mooning) is not class for my paladin
855.5 i am not allowed to make 1d10sp perday with an "enjoyable performance"

[Mauril Everleaf]

856) when the dm refers to structures made by a celtic-type society, do not snicker when he calls them "erections"
857) do not spend the next hour make innuendo jokes till he turns red
858) especially if the girl he likes is in the room

[Grey Knight]

I agree. A lot of this is just being smart about overcoming an obstacle. Filling a pit trap with mud from the ceiling? Ingenious! By all means, do that.

I don't know if this is house ruled or not, but my GM actually has a rule for what happens when you make a Wish that can't be granted (i.e. I wish you wouldn't grant this wish). Basically, the gods get peeved and hunt you down personally.

That's more of a miracle situation, though? Unless your setting has a specific God Of Wishes who handles wish requests, I guess. I'm interested; is there a specifically-designed divine minion for hunting down wish-abusers, or a regular monster? Or the deity itself?

[Malachite]

Sadly, I can think of one... It involves demons invading the Celestrial realms, but I can see it happening.

Or less violently: that succubus paladin they put up on the WotC boards and the angel she loved getting it on. Pointless combo though - you take an extra +4 ECL for a few good abilities, and the rest you already have. I'd knock it down to +2 ECL if someone wanted to play one of these (even then it's +8 ECL overall), and I'd only allow it to be played if I thought someone could pull it off.