Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[Rumda]

That's more of a miracle situation, though? Unless your setting has a specific God Of Wishes who handles wish requests, I guess. I'm interested; is there a specifically-designed divine minion for hunting down wish-abusers, or a regular monster? Or the deity itself?

wouldn't it be a sort of inevitable?

[Grey Knight]

wouldn't it be a sort of inevitable?

Good point, that would make sense. I don't think the kolyarut, marut, or zelekhut seem suitable; are there any more in expansion books that would take on this sort of thing? If not, does anyone have a homebrew idea? If not, I might have a little poke at that.

[amanodel]

There is such a creature. It's called Solar angel :)

859 (?). Solar angels are not a tool for the DM for railroading the plot for a low-level party. Neither planetars. Or any other outsider with a CR of at least 15.

[Winged One]

860. Not allowed to clog up the IC thread of a game with a reinactment of the "a witch" scene from Holy Grail when somebody casts a spell.
861. Not allowed to blame all of my bad luck on a character of mine in a different campaign.
862. Not allowed to start a tangent regarding exactly how bad that character's luck is.
863. Not allowed to do all of these at once just because the DM needs more sleep than I do.

[Just Alex]

Regarding # 697, of course Demons don't have the rock contest rule. That's Devils.

#864: Panty Raids are an innappropriate use of the spell Time Stop
#865: While technically legal, it's considered bad form to share a Shapechange with one's familiar just to have "the best sex ever"
#866: An Apparatus of Kwalash is not your "low rider"
#867: When playing an Eberron game, despite any opinions you may have about your house, you may not declare "Damn, it feels good to be a ganster"
#868: Type IV Bags of Holding must be used for something besides Holy Water, Alchemists Fire, or Acid.
#868b: Especially if someone in the party is capable of casting Telekinesis
#869: Psicrystals may not be fired from slings.

[Nahal]

870) I will always test out artifact-level weapons before using them in combat

[timmy_pyromancer]

i'd go and mention some of mine but i dont remember them all and quite a few of the ones Jade_Tarem mentioned i take credit for. the half celestial succubus as one of those. and i think i also turned it into a ghost.
i think i did it just to see how high i could get the charisma for my character for that game. I got to 60 and i dont think i got to play if very long.

[Jade_Tarem]

Heh, you also never answered my question "If you're the bastard child of a messed up union between celestials and demons, who raised the offspring?"

[Zeb The Troll]

That's more of a miracle situation, though? Unless your setting has a specific God Of Wishes who handles wish requests, I guess. I'm interested; is there a specifically-designed divine minion for hunting down wish-abusers, or a regular monster? Or the deity itself?

What it boils down to is that this creates a paradox and could lead to the destruction of the world. (He has graphic descriptions of Ethereal Tempests and such that arise from this sort of transgression.) It's this that angers the gods. Not that you're toying with some specific deity or anything.

[Sesquedoodle]

Heh, you also never answered my question "If you're the bastard child of a messed up union between celestials and demons, who raised the offspring?"

This pretty much sums up the plot of Little Nicky.

[Necomancer]

I'm going to add a few from a DM's perspective

871. Next time a PC uses a skill I don't fully understand yet and says "Theres a creature out there with CR higher then 20?!" I will admit ignorance rather then respond with "Yeah, sure"

872.When I want a NPC to sneak away from a scene I will not allow the PC with the highest spot check and a tendancy to roll twenties to make a spot check.


873.The PCs are not inclinded to trust the man who tore off his skin and replaced it with a fiend's even if he does reincarnate their friend for free.

874. Especialy if his brother rules a kingdom that regularly summons fiends into its army.

875.Especialy if said brother is a alienist.

876.Generaly its a bad idea to announce any aligment goes then expect the PCs to fight for the greater good.

877.When given the choice of joining the evil undead army, the evil fiendish army or fighting both do not think the PCs will not choose running away.

878.Especialy when the PCs are only level 5.

879.Its a bad idea to decide that all army bases in a certain kingdom can summon balors.

880.When your PCs spend over half the campaign at level 7 its time to start giving them more quest XP.

881.Never do anything involving coconut throwing monkies. Some PCs have no sense of humor.

882.I will stop forgetting that certain NPCs exist while they travel with the party.

883.Undead make bad cannon fodder when theres a negative energy channeling cleric in the party.

[Eldpollard]

884) I will not take the "perform:wink, wink, nudge, nudge" skill.

[Winged One]

885: I will not destroy the Favored Soul's holy symbol just because he's being a ****.

[Nifty_Knickers]

886) I will not roshambo the king for his kingdom.

887) Especially not if he doesn't know what roshambo'ing is.

[Just Alex]

870) I will always test out artifact-level weapons before using them in combat

I broke that one in a Cthulu game last weekend

For the record, Mi-go bio-weapons don't mesh well with human biology.

[Bronzeevil]

888) No pinning the decapitated head of a great wyrm prismatic dragon to a stone wall.
889) No encouraging the party demilich to turn into a dragon while hovering over a group of monsters.
890) No using the local PA system to broadcast wail of the banshee 20th level into a group of 220 halflings.
891) No calling Sauron 'Captain Crunch.'

Yeah, we have fun times in our munchkin campaigns.

[grinner666]

739: I will not name my animal companion/familiar "Fodder".

One of my players actually named his horse "Crunchy Bits" ...

That campaign had been ... difficult ... on the party mounts ...

[Jade_Tarem]

Oh, we're doing DM don'ts now? Sweet.

892: The best response to the ultracheesed cleric does not involve 100 quells, no matter how much you might want it to.
893: Also out is anything involving undead.
894: Sobbing like a little girl doesn't work either.
895: No matter how large or impressive the dragon's name is, expect the PC's to reduce it to a two syllable adjective. I.E. Craghakdor Moltenfury? Craggy
896: Placing your own twinked characters in as enemies is not a good idea.
897: There's only so much lantern archon a party can take.
898: Time travel = bad. Do you need a reason? Go back and read 898 again.
899: If you're reading this, you're not following instructions.
900: Party diversity good. No core classes... not so good.

And back to players:
901: May not dodge munchkin accusations by claiming the character is "power hungry."
902: There is no god of Stuff.
903: There is not "always another bar."
904: No longer allowed to come up with names for weapon loots that sound like the should be ok, but are actually from the ELH.

[geez3r]

905: When formulating a plan for the final battle, I will not use the phrase "And we'll wing it from there."
906: The party barbarian shall not go into town by himself to collect anything of any importance, ever.
907: Never leave a female minotaur alone in the local dairy farm lands.
908: I will not try to make a better deal with any outsider.
909: I will not charge a berserker we just saw rip the skeleton out of a bear in order to get his armor.
910: I will not attempt to use a Titan's own warhammer against him.

[Magnus_Samma]

I once named my character's horse Muffin.

Muffin didn't like my character very much. :P

[Wizzardman]

911: When at the inn where the party is planning on staying, around which the whole first mission is based, I will not set the inn on fire.
912: Even if my character is a pyromaniac wizard.
913: Especially if this is the first game of the campaign, and the party has yet to meet each other.

[Jade_Tarem]

905: When formulating a plan for the final battle, I will not use the phrase "And we'll wing it from there."

You have plans that go beyond that phrase? My party lives "on the wing."

DM:
914: Never assume that your party will not hit on the female NPC.
915: Never assume that your party will leave a building intact.
916: Never assume that your party will leave the game-defining artifact in one piece.
917: If everyone in the party takes leadership and buys a bag of holding, you know it's time to start banning something.
918: Guards do not walk and climb a half a mile in one round.
919: Never assume that your party will care about the poor, poor catgirls...

[ClericofPhwarrr]

920: When meeting the king, I am not allowed to announce the hot female PC as "a gift for his highness."
921: ...not even as a "used gift."
922: ...not even if it would grant the party the king's full cooperation.
923: ...especially not when the queen is sitting right next to him.
924: ...and she's a sorcerer.

[Behold_the_Void]

925: Nothing flammable should ever be placed in the paths of the PCs. If it can burn, it WILL burn.

[MandibleBones]

926: Given proper application of heat, EVERYTHING is flammable.

[Mauril Everleaf]

it amuses me how many of these restrictions involve fire. YAY FOR PYROMANIA! why is it that all of us have it?

[nows7]

60. Not allowed to short sheet the bedroll of impotent dieties.

Poor poor dieties.... You'd think that the dieity would just cure themselves...

[reorith]

927. i am not allowed to make a commoner5/aristocrat5/barb10 ever again.

[Arbitrarity]

928: Descriptions of attacks, no matter how deadly, still aren't auto-criticals.
929: Never, never, describe some kind of crippling hit. Then you have to say "Oh, he's missing a leg... 50% speed."
930: Don't use guards and wards in BBEG's places too often.
931: Don't give BBEG's Mordeinken's Disjunction. Too often.

[Dark]

it amuses me how many of these restrictions involve fire. YAY FOR PYROMANIA! why is it that all of us have it?

This comic explains it :)