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  1. - Top - End - #241
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Winged One's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

    1350: It is an evil act to leave the prisoners shackled when the gnome laughs maniacally.
    1351: Even if they are stinking werewolves whose minons would have killed one of ours if I hadn't used Forbidden Magictm to tell the cleric that he was down.
    1352: In retrospect, giving the mantle of party leadership to a tempermental mercenary warmage may have been a bad idea.
    1353: The frequency of the DM granting circumstance bonuses is inversely proportional to the frequency of our asking for them.
    1354: Never, ever take the first deal the Lord of the Ninth offers.
    1355: I cannot put skill points into Knowledge(how to mess up evil magical rituals).
    1356: That is a function of Spellcraft.
    Quote Originally Posted by Asmodeus View Post
    However, the general consensus about the best way to stop a monster from attacking is to kill it. In the case of undead, we recommend killing it again.
    2 useful principles for keeping roleplaying games fun.

  2. - Top - End - #242
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Meynolds's Avatar

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    1360 - I may not attack the person who paid me...
    1361 - ...especially if a LG teammate has an equal grapple modifier...
    1362 - ...and a deadly +4 weapon...
    1363 - ...and a chance at a coup-de-gras...
    1364 - ...and a strength of 18.
    1365 - DM: I must never allow a character to throw people again...
    1366 - ...especially at major villains.

  3. - Top - End - #243
    Ettin in the Playground
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    1350) a character who is a multiclassed dread pirate/ninja is not compelled to fight himself

    1351) you are not allowed to 'accidently' let your neck fall in a vampire's mouth seconds before the rest of the party kills him in order to get undead powers

  4. - Top - End - #244
    Pixie in the Playground
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    1352. Not allowed to shout "food's ready!" when the party members are tied up on the table.
    1352a. I may not season the party members.
    1353. I will not keep all of the party's lost blood in a bottle.
    1354. I will not use a bluff check to make the villain give me his army.
    1355. I may not eat fellow party members.
    1356. Just because a bluff check can do anything, doesn't mean I should use it.
    1357. If I'm the only one left fighting the main villain, I may not say "Finally they're dead, now I won't feel bad about joining you."
    1358. I will not blame my actions on "one of those enimies' spells."
    1359. I will not grind up dead enimies for food.
    1359a. Even if they are livestock.
    1360. I will not sneak attack with a weapon bigger than me.
    1361. I will not go running into enemy territory if I'm holding the plot device.
    1361a. I will not go running into enemy territory if I think I'm holding a plot device just to see the DM's reaction.
    1362. I may not weild a lawn gnome.
    1362a. There is no +2 adamantite lawn gnome.
    1363. I may not remind the DM about how he pissed himself when we have a low chance of winning.
    1364. Although possible, I may not build an airship.
    1364a. I may not own an airship.
    1364b. I may not rent an airship.
    1365. I will not use bluff checks into making someone think I speak their language when I really don't. That's what diplomacy is for.


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  5. - Top - End - #245
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Chimera

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    1366.I am not allowed to use chimestry to make a house fall on the tremere
    1367. I am not allowed to use chimestry to re-enact the exploding dildo scene from tank police
    1368. as a matter of fact I am not allowed to play a ravenos anymore
    1369.I am not allowed to purchase the requisite bureaucracy and transportation influences to drop an actual house on the tremere
    1370. even if she does wear red shoes
    1371. The Grease spell is not a toy
    1372.No one ever wants to see Dancing Tal'Mahe'Ra
    1373. I am not allowed to play a character with viscissitude
    1374. the oscar mayer weiner song is not a request
    1375. the squirrels cannot have dementation
    1376. even if you ghoul them
    1377. the neonate malkavian cannot be fleshcrafted into a squirrel for the purpose of having a squirrel with dementation
    1378. I am never to stick a lasombra and a light source between two mirrors
    1379. I am never to wear a mirrored shirt and stand with a flashlight in front of a lasombra at a disco
    1380. I am not to shove a flashlight anywhere on or in the lasombra for any reason ever
    1381. I am not to shove a lasombra anywhere for any reason ever
    1382. as a matter of fact, no more sabbatists
    1383 or anarchs
    1384 or tremere
    1385 reuters hand doesn't do that
    1386 there is no such thing as clan porneador
    1387 I am not to electroplate any skeletons in excess copper
    1388 or to sell copper plated animated skeletons as 'golems'
    1389 I am not to craft a bone golem for the purposes of telling the priest of pelor that his god no longer loves him when his turn attempts fail.
    1390 there is no such creature as the ethereal felcher
    1391 or the astral felcher
    1392 the bag of tricks is not to be used for suppository purposes
    1393 I am not allowed to have my totem animal be the honey badger
    1394 I am not allowed to use searing light in place of detect evil
    1395 I am not allowed to use my smite ability with a pillow in place of detect evil
    1396 I am not allowed to play palladins anymore
    1397 even if they do say jehova
    1398 My character's religion cannot be "Jenova's witness" (yes that is spelled correctly)
    1399 I cannot play an awakened anything, No mages in white wolf, no animals or plants in d&D, as a matter of fact it might be best if most charatcers spent more time napping.
    1400 I am not allowed to use gemcrafting to turn a dbf crystal into any sort of sex toy
    1401 Not even for the efreet princess
    1402 not even if the DM bought the book of erotic fantasy
    1403 I am not to mention that the storyteller owns the book of erotic fantasy
    1404 especially in front of the gaming group
    1405 or in mixed company
    1406 or as a tactic to try to get new players for her campaign
    1407 I am not to refer to the the circle of witches as an 'easy bake coven'
    1408 nor am I allowed to bake said witches
    1409 nor cover them in frosting
    1410 I am not allowed to test expressions
    1411 no light testing pitch
    1412 no checking stone golems for moss
    1413 no one is to mention the incident with the coven of witches and the thermometers ever again
    1414 I am not to sell the monsters in the dungeon
    1415 my response to an adventure in 'the trackless swamps' should not be to take craft mapmaking craft engineering and hire a dwarven road crew
    1416 I am not allowed to rename it to the tracked swamps
    1417 this goes also for the trackless desert
    1418I am not allowed to take a dwarven mining crew and sell the marble dungeon block by block
    1419 even if it is in the middle of a swamp and mable is at a premium
    1420 I am not allowed to sell the 10ft deep and 200 by 100 ft hole with the nice solid basalt foundation where the marble dungeon used to be
    even if land is at a premium in the trackless swamp
    1421 I am not allowed to set up "a convenient roadside pit stop" where the keep used to be
    1422 I am not allowed to sell maps to the rest stop in the trackless swamp
    1423 I am not allowed to sell the monsters
    1424 I am not allowed to sell the npcs
    1425 I am not allowed to sell slow or unobservant pcs
    1426 I am not allowed to sell anything that qualifies as scenery
    1427 I am not allowed to hire a bard to write a story about the whole endeavor for the purpose of selling the theme, mood and characters of the adventure "for completeness sake"
    1428 I am not to use my hard won team of crack roadbuilders to get lucrative government contracts, nor can I list the trackless swamp in any brochures, ever
    1429 I am not to deliberately build roads past particularly thick and ambushy clumps of trees in gnollish territory for purposes coming back later to get exp.
    1430 I am not to put a dark altar beneath a crossroads and desecrate it
    1431 I am not to arrange for someone's wife to be murdered at the crossroads
    1432 I am definitley not to wait at the crossroads for undead to happen
    1433 I am certainly not to refer to this process as spawn camping
    1434 the evil sacrifice table in the BOVD is not a checklist
    1435 The +6 cha +6wis+6 int crown is to be given a suitably impressive name like circlet of eldrich might, not the 'hat of magic power' even if you did make it
    1436 a similar rule applies to the +6str +6con +6dex belt of beating people up
    1437 under no circumstance should I create the spell "burn elvenhome to the ground"
    1438 or any spell that turns positive energy into elemental fire.

  6. - Top - End - #246
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Deus Mortus's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

    [Tumbleweed, tumbleweed]
    Last edited by Roland St. Jude; 2007-01-02 at 09:51 PM. Reason: Religious Discussion

  7. - Top - End - #247
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericofPhwarrr's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deus Mortus View Post
    [Tumbleweed, tumbleweed]
    A) You posted this here... why? Read the thread title, please.
    B) Don't mess with the numbering
    [Tumbleweed, tumbleweed. P.S. When you see a post that violates a forum rule, please report it rather than chastising the poster yourself.]

    Meh, I'm probably just taking out some frustration on you... don't take it TOO seriously.

    1439. I am not allowed to have either a Sampo or Cornucopia.
    Last edited by Roland St. Jude; 2007-01-02 at 09:53 PM.
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  8. - Top - End - #248
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Deus Mortus's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

    Quote Originally Posted by ClericofPhwarrr View Post
    A) You posted this here... why? Read the thread title, please.
    B) Don't mess with the numbering
    [Tumbleweed, tumbleweed]

    Meh, I'm probably just taking out some frustration on you... don't take it TOO seriously.
    I figured it would be a nice break in between the other rules and that a small post wouldn't hurt and perhaps make a few people laugh.

    The numbering is different because they aren't D&D rules, because like I said before I haven't played it yet.

    I forgot how to call them and figured that would get the message across and it seems it did

    You probably are and I will take it is a joke...
    Last edited by Roland St. Jude; 2007-01-02 at 09:53 PM.

  9. - Top - End - #249
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericofPhwarrr's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deus Mortus View Post
    You probably are and I will take it is a joke...
    Good call. I'm not normally this ferocious .
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  10. - Top - End - #250
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Deus Mortus's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by ClericofPhwarrr View Post
    Good call. I'm not normally this ferocious .
    Great, else I would;ve made a new personal record in posts made before I make enemies ;)

  11. - Top - End - #251
    Retired Mod in the Playground Retired Moderator
     
    Zeb The Troll's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pip L View Post
    Historically, people were able to run full-speed, swim, duck, and jump while decked out in full plate-mail armour. In fact, a well-made suit of plate weighed a mere forty pounds, while a modern-day soldier carries into combat over two hundred pounds of equipment. :)
    But they don't typically go swimming with all that gear on.
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  12. - Top - End - #252
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

    Quote Originally Posted by Godhand View Post
    1296. Not allowed to travel to another dimension, yell "reboot!" and expect something good to happen.
    1297. If something good does happen, the next word out of my mouth should most certainly not be "Alphanumeric!"
    I DM a Reboot based roleplay in an online forum chat. We have two other Reboot based role-plays in that forum. You would be allowed to do both these things, although yelling alphanumeric too often will get you eaten by a web creature.
    Last edited by EddieBird; 2007-01-02 at 01:34 AM.
    Quoth the owl, "ORLY?"

  13. - Top - End - #253
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

    I'm going to restrict myself to the two least liked party members for this one.

    Henchmen:
    1439. I am not to attempt anything I saw on Nodwick.
    1440. The henchman is a privilege, not a right.
    1441. I am no longer allowed to change the attire of the henchwoman.
    1442. There is a difference between a henchwoman and a prostitute.
    1443. It isn't the torch.
    1443. If the henchman is not laughing I'm not allowed to laugh.
    1444. There is no situation where the henchman should take point.
    1445. Henchmen are not ammunition.
    1446. Explosive runes and henchman don't mix.
    When requesting a new henchman from the guild:
    1447. I may not use "easier to throw" as a reason to require a halfling.
    1448. While requesting a gnome I may not use a sly wink as an explanation for anything.
    1449. I may not ask the potential henchman if he thinks he's heavy enough to set off a pressure switch.
    1450. I may not attempt to slip a poon-tang clause into the contract.
    Paladins:
    1451. "The paladin wasn't looking" is not a valid excuse.
    1452. I may not insist that the Paladin sets off my detect evil.
    1453. The paladin is not the "Agro nanny."
    1454. It's considered in poor taste to bluff a paladin into believing he's been worshiping the wrong god.
    1455. The Paladin does not have the special ability "circle against good times."
    1456. I am no longer allowed to convince the paladin that more holy wine = more holy.
    1457. I may not tell the townspeople that the paladin has sexual relations with his mount.
    1458. The paladin does not have to atone for saying a dirty word.
    1459. You may not convince the paladin that you'll "deliver" his tithes.

  14. - Top - End - #254
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Silkenfist's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

    Quote Originally Posted by amanodel View Post
    (Side note for the catgirl: Drinkable water is not de-ionized. If you drink de-ionized, de-mineralized, etc etc, pure H2O, you'll get sick.)
    Not quite (ignores squealing in the distance). It just makes you dead. In the process of osmosis, the water in your body cells and the water in your stomach aim to have the same amount of salinity. This means if the content of your stomach has a high salinity, water is released from the cells into it and vice versa. If you drink too much de-ionized water, most of it becomes transferred inside the body cells until they burst and your stomach ruptures.


    OK, back on topic:

    1460: I may play female characters, but I am forbidden to speak in adjusted voice for the entire session.
    1461: I am informed that I need GM approval for every female character I am going to play from now on.
    1462: Especially if they are midget
    1463: Especially if they are midget elvish mages
    1464: Especially if they are midget elvish mages who insist on being called "Tinkerbell"
    1465: If I forget my notes, I am NOT to improvise NPC names
    1465a: especially if they have already been named otherwise
    1466: Neither may I improvise monsters
    1467: Nor the entire adventure
    1468: I may not have the BBEG abduct the party in their sleep, brand them with "PWNED", then bring them back just because they forgot to name a watch.
    1469: I am not allowed to craft humans into latches with vicissitude
    1470: If I use a random encounter based map I am not to include the BBEG as possible result.
    1471: At the demise of one player, I may NOT spontaneously put a cancan in the playlist.
    1472: As a matter of fact, I may not choose music for gaming sessions at all anymore.
    1473: I may not eat zombies. This also applies for all kinds of zombified animals.
    1474: My character may NOT buy, sell or own orcish pornography
    1475: If he does, I am NOT to make a list with the titles and hand it out during gaming sessions.
    1476: Especially not when playing female midget elvish mages who insist on being called "Tinkerbell"
    Last edited by Silkenfist; 2007-01-02 at 06:42 PM.

  15. - Top - End - #255
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    amanodel's Avatar

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    It just makes you dead.
    Death is a more extreme state of feeling bad than sickened and nasuated.

    1477: I'm not allowed to come up d&d rules-like sentences like that. Especially if I'm not the GM.
    Troubles in Athkatla, an FR game about schemings around an ancient curse
    The messengers, a game about finding allies in times of need

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  16. - Top - End - #256
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    1478. If I manage to decapitate an enemy, I do not get his powers transferred to me like in Highlander.
    1479. I may not bluff the party into thinking that there were just one too few horses for everyone, so the halfling has to jog the whole way.
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  17. - Top - End - #257
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

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    These are hilarious! I've laughed so hard that I couldn't breathe!

    And yes, I did register to say that

  18. - Top - End - #258
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
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    1480) My bard is not allowed to take out his fiddle and challenge Azmodeus to a fiddle contest with opposed Perform checks and either get a +2 Golden Fiddle or lose his soul.
    1481)Nor can my bard's name be Johnny.
    1482) And at no point at the game can I yell, " Johnny rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard!"

  19. - Top - End - #259
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    amanodel's Avatar

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    We're at 1482 and that song was already referenced at least ten times. It leads, followed by "throwing the gnome" and "setting something on fire" closely.. :)


    1483. I'm never to use any kind of tentacle spell if there are elf females in the group.
    Last edited by amanodel; 2007-01-03 at 06:39 AM.
    Troubles in Athkatla, an FR game about schemings around an ancient curse
    The messengers, a game about finding allies in times of need

    Sorry about the lack of posting lately. I usually try to post once a day, but if it's server downtime, I'm in trouble.

  20. - Top - End - #260
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Aurumvorax's Avatar

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    1484) PCs are not allowed to discuss what rations are composed of
    1485) the gnome rogue shouldn't try to rob the golem of the magic swords it is supposed to protect. Especially if the said swords are on a belt the golem is wearing
    1486) playing a bishounen elven bard with a whip is probably not the wisest idea
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  21. - Top - End - #261
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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

    1487) i am not allowed near the dining room of the king
    1488) no matter how much i want to look at the spoons
    1489) especially if i have a spoon collection, and earlier commented that i 'need to add'
    1490)and most especially if the king has already threatened the party with execution if we leave our rooms.
    1491) and there is NO chance that people would think i'm a busboy.
    1492) were i to somehow manage to do the above anyways, i should avoid the king. and not rub my recently aquired utensil on his nose, shouting "I'M SPOONING YOU!!!".
    1493) hell, the above is entirley circumvented by never being allowed to play a kender.
    as DM
    1494) throwing templates onto people 'because i feel like it' is frowned upon by the party
    1495) except the barbarian who just became half-dragon
    1496) but especially the paladin who is currently legally bound to said barbarian, and needs to pay for the ensuing damages done to the town.
    1497) if i ever feel the need to give someone a template to 'see what happens' i should probably wait untile they are no longer 1st levels.

  22. - Top - End - #262
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    1487. Not allowed to have any skill points in Perform Instrument (cowbell).
    1488. Not allowed to play a female lesbian character.
    1489. Giving tittytwisters to random NPCs will bring the wrath of God down upon you.

  23. - Top - End - #263
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

    1490. Giving them to random PCs is considerably worse
    1491. Same with random Players
    1492. You deserve what you get if you try this on the DM.

  24. - Top - End - #264
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    1493: You may not bluff one of your partymembers into trying out the blood covered mechanical chair.
    1494: thats what the NPCs are for.
    1495: If animals and other monsters are turning into giant monsters from exposure to magical energy spheres, I may NOT eat one of said spheres.
    1496: Screaming blood frenzies are NOT a good icebreaker at the kings ball.
    1497: I may not take my frenzied berserker into the room with constant damage effects.
    1498: I may not reanimate the dead PC's head and use it as a football
    1499: I may not seek out the only old folks home in the land and send in zombies
    1500: If I do, and it turns out that said old folks home is staffed by paladins to kill the zombies, I may not start gating in every monster we come across "to see what happens"
    1501: This included minor abyssal deities.

  25. - Top - End - #265
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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

    1502: You cannot use the spells stone to flesh and prestidigation to turn rocks into steak.
    Last edited by Viscount Einstrauss; 2007-01-03 at 06:20 PM.
    Do not meddle in the affairs of adventurers, for you are expendable and full of EXP.


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  26. - Top - End - #266
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    1503: It is NOT my henchman's fault if they are cheaper than their weight in provisions.
    1504: I have been informed that the dying words “Now I will reveal to you the true aaaargh” can and will become old.
    1505: I am to greet the king with “Your Majesty” or “Your Highness”.
    1506: I will not greet him with phrases including but not limited to “Wazzup?”, “Yo, bitch!” or “Dude!”
    1507: There are no Elementals based on bodily fluids.
    1508: Even if there were ones, they would NOT be suitable mounts for the Paladin.
    1509: I may not have my D&D party accidentally stumble into my Call of Cthulhu settings just because they were in the binder and came in handy.
    1510: I may not create pun dragons
    1511: If I am not 100% sure of a spell’s AoE, I must look it up before casting it.
    1512: I am not allowed to address fellow gamers in public with their character’s names
    1513: Especially not in front of people they are currently dating
    1514: ESPECIALLY not if they are playing cross gender
    1515: I may botch die rolls if it is absolutely critical for the story but if I do so, I MUST at least roll a die and not tell the result outright.
    1516: Even if the BBEG might just need a hug, I am NOT to test this hypothesis during his villain speech.
    1517: A gelatinous cube is NOT a mount. I may NOT try to tame, feed, saddle or ride a gelatinous cube

  27. - Top - End - #267
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    1518: I must not get drunk in a tavern and procede to punch the peasant next to me sparking a brawl.
    1519: Particularly with 22 Natural Strength
    1520: And an elixer of giant strength
    1521: I must not "see how many of the ____ers i can kill before the brawl ends"
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maryring View Post
    The most powerful monster in DnD? The DM of course.
    Quote Originally Posted by Reptilius View Post
    5216. The Gray Guard PrC, despite being a righteous knight who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty, does NOT mean you are Batman.
    Quote Originally Posted by Magnus_Samma View Post
    "...so as it turned out, it was a really good thing I took those ranks in Craft: Leatherworking. And that's the story of how I became a blackguard."

  28. - Top - End - #268
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

    Join Date
    Oct 2006

    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

    Quote Originally Posted by Silkenfist View Post
    1517: A gelatinous cube is NOT a mount. I may NOT try to tame, feed, saddle or ride a gelatinous cube

    (sorry to break the continuity; they actually have a specific page on gelatinous cube mounts and how to ride them in the complete equipment guide)


    1522: I am not, under any circumstances, to try a -20 sleight of hand check to steal the princesses clothes while she's wearing them.
    1523: I am not to attack people on sight to gain EXP.
    1524: After unleashing the ancient demonic menaces from the crypt, I am not to simply leave and assume someone else will take care of it.

  29. - Top - End - #269
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    here
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

    1525: even if the gnome begins singing about a competition with a devil for a golden fiddle, i will not light them on fire and throw them at a tree.
    Quote Originally Posted by SurlySeraph View Post
    You are my favorite kind of villain.

  30. - Top - End - #270
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    amanodel's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Budapest, currently Paris
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

    Add some pervert sexuality to it and then 1525 summarizes the 90% of the thread :)
    Troubles in Athkatla, an FR game about schemings around an ancient curse
    The messengers, a game about finding allies in times of need

    Sorry about the lack of posting lately. I usually try to post once a day, but if it's server downtime, I'm in trouble.

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