Personal Woes and Advice 3

[Thrawn4]

It is very likely that you are exhausted because there is only the job at the moment. It can be hard, but you should really force yourself to do something else so you can feel better. It gets easier over time.

[WarKitty]

Part of the trouble is I feel so very tired all the time. I can't wake up until after about 11 to 12 hours of sleep without feeling miserable. And work plus lunch plus transportation takes about 10 hours. Which pretty much just leaves time for getting ready to work in the day.

[Aedilred]

Part of the trouble is I feel so very tired all the time. I can't wake up until after about 11 to 12 hours of sleep without feeling miserable. And work plus lunch plus transportation takes about 10 hours. Which pretty much just leaves time for getting ready to work in the day.

Usual questions on that score: are you eating and drinking enough (and such that it contributes a reasonable nutritional payload)? Insufficiency on either count will leave you low on energy and feeling like you need a lot of sleep. Other factors that contribute to low-quality sleep also lead to feelings that you need more.

An alternative might just be to force the issue. If you can manage to stay up past your "usual" bedtime, but still get up at the same time, you can gradually shorten the amount of sleep you're getting most nights and give your body time to adjust to it. Having some sort of a regular sleep cycle tends to help with feeling tired the rest of the time: I find I actually tend to get less tired when I'm working a regular schedule and thus have a fixed sleeping pattern than when I'm in control of my own time, since although I'm getting less sleep, that which I am getting is more regular.

Obviously that only works if you can manage to drag yourself out of bed in the morning to get to work no matter how tired you may feel when the alarm goes off.

[Crow]

I find that there is a sweet spot when it comes to sleep. Too little, and you feel tired and miserable. Too much, and you feel like you need to continue sleeping until you've put in 11-12 hours. Past the 9 hour point is "too much" for me. Less than 7 is "too little" for me.

[WarKitty]

Usual questions on that score: are you eating and drinking enough (and such that it contributes a reasonable nutritional payload)? Insufficiency on either count will leave you low on energy and feeling like you need a lot of sleep. Other factors that contribute to low-quality sleep also lead to feelings that you need more.

An alternative might just be to force the issue. If you can manage to stay up past your "usual" bedtime, but still get up at the same time, you can gradually shorten the amount of sleep you're getting most nights and give your body time to adjust to it. Having some sort of a regular sleep cycle tends to help with feeling tired the rest of the time: I find I actually tend to get less tired when I'm working a regular schedule and thus have a fixed sleeping pattern than when I'm in control of my own time, since although I'm getting less sleep, that which I am getting is more regular.

Obviously that only works if you can manage to drag yourself out of bed in the morning to get to work no matter how tired you may feel when the alarm goes off.

We're dealing with some mystery stomach issues that mean I basically can't eat enough to stay full without making myself very sick. Before work I was dealing with it by just snacking all the time, but now I can't do that. So no, I'm probably not getting enough to eat, because I would need to devote a lot of time I don't have to just sitting and eating.

I also find I'm just not sleeping well, I wake up at night all the time. Often I wake up sweating as it gets hot during the day (there's no a/c up here). I really want to be getting up earlier in the evening rather than staying up later, because that's when all my friends are awake. No one's awake in the early morning to talk to. But even with meds I'm not sleeping well at all.

[Thrawn4]

We're dealing with some mystery stomach issues that mean I basically can't eat enough to stay full without making myself very sick. Before work I was dealing with it by just snacking all the time, but now I can't do that. So no, I'm probably not getting enough to eat, because I would need to devote a lot of time I don't have to just sitting and eating.

I also find I'm just not sleeping well, I wake up at night all the time. Often I wake up sweating as it gets hot during the day (there's no a/c up here). I really want to be getting up earlier in the evening rather than staying up later, because that's when all my friends are awake. No one's awake in the early morning to talk to. But even with meds I'm not sleeping well at all.

If I may ask: What are you snacking exactly? Snacking doesn't sound very healthy to me. And how much do you have to eat until you can stay full for a few hours? I am just asking because you haven't answered the questions above about eating well.
Did you see a doctor about the stomach issue?
I guess you already tried roller blinds to keep out sunshine and heat?

[RoyVG]

Just a small vent, no reason to respond, I just need to get it out

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I've had it with my MSc Thesis. I have to repeat this annoying experiment for the umteenth time, but with 50% more data points to add to the repetetive work that it is, the spot in which I have to work because of regulations is occupied for almost the entire fricking day so I can't do anything at all, I brought no lunch with me and all the lunchrooms around the campus are closed which I found out just now,. This all adds to the fact that I nearly forgot my dads birthday yesterday, were it not for my mother sendong me a text message at 9:00PM, 'kindly' reminding me it was his birthday, she even did this behind his back so it would look like I remembers, but I immediately said the truth. Basically, I'm hungry, angry at others and disgusted of myself.

[Nai_Calus]

I have no energy. The vision in my right eye has gotten blurry when just three years ago it was 20/20. I lie in bed a lot but it takes me ages to fall asleep. My brain is soup. I can't think worth a damn to post on PbPs. I forget things constantly. Little things, important things, things I've known for decades. The other day I realized that while I still recall the rules for determining which to use, I can no longer remember which its and it's are. (Don't tell me I want to try to remember) I can't seem to learn or retain things worth a damn anymore.

It's kind of completely horrifying. I've been foggy for a couple of years now but it's getting worse.

[Icewraith]

I have no energy. The vision in my right eye has gotten blurry when just three years ago it was 20/20. I lie in bed a lot but it takes me ages to fall asleep. My brain is soup. I can't think worth a damn to post on PbPs. I forget things constantly. Little things, important things, things I've known for decades. The other day I realized that while I still recall the rules for determining which to use, I can no longer remember which its and it's are. (Don't tell me I want to try to remember) I can't seem to learn or retain things worth a damn anymore.

It's kind of completely horrifying. I've been foggy for a couple of years now but it's getting worse.

Have you seen one or more doctors about this? If not, do so. Since you are describing symptoms instead of saying "so it turns out I have X" I'm guessing you haven't done so yet.

I can't tell how bad things are or how fast they're getting worse, and I can't give you medical advice or anything like that. But when it comes to stuff like your vision and your brain, don't mess around.

[Dire Moose]

So, long story.

After I moved to a new job directly related to my field of interest in paleontology, I started really hitting it off with one of the people working at the same museum I was. We became good friends practically right off the bat, seemed to be on the same wavelength, got a lot of the same jokes, and such. Things just kept progressing naturally from there until I started dating her about four days ago. I didn't expect a lot of drama; it's a big museum and we work in different departments which never work with each other on the job.

And she called it off just now because she didn't want anything interfering with the incredibly time-consuming work she was doing on her thesis. Which I can understand, and agreed with.

However, I'm kind of afraid that may not have been the only reason. She had actually never been in a relationship before and the night before she called it off, we wound up kissing a little more passionately than even I had expected to (I was not trying to force anything, it really seemed to progress naturally). And before she mentioned her thesis as the main reason, she said that what we were doing together was scaring her. I have apologized for it, she never mentioned it specifically, she maintains that I did nothing wrong, and we agreed to remain friends, but I still wonder if I let things go too far. Could that have been the real reason for what happened and is the time issue just an excuse? I know it may be paranoid, but I just really want to know whether I messed it up.

And only a few people even knew we were dating during that time, but I am still afraid that this will somehow wreck my career. It always seems like no matter how well I'm doing my job, some minor social mishap happens between me and someone I'm working with that turns me into an outcast. I hope this isn't going to be a similar thing.

EDIT: One other complication that occurred to me. This person's best friend actually works in my department and is likely to be my main competition if there's a limited number of slots open after the summer season ends. If she gets the impression that I took advantage of her friend, I could potentially see her using this to argue that she should get the job instead of me. Now, she's been very laid-back and friendly and I don't want to assume the worst of people, but she's also a recent graduate who's a desperate job seeker like me, and I can't disregard the possibility.

[dmaxno]

However, I'm kind of afraid that may not have been the only reason.

Could that have been the real reason for what happened and is the time issue just an excuse? I know it may be paranoid, but I just really want to know whether I messed it up.

You already asked her. If she was honest with you, then try and put your worries aside. If she wasn't honest, then maybe she is probably not in a good place for a relationship with anyone (not just you). It is hard on you, but if she needs to find herself then try to allow her.
I hope this does not come across too directly, but I do see that self-blame is a recurring pattern in your post. All it takes is a little intelligence, a little creativity and a little introspection to be always able to blame ourselves. When things do not go well (and sometimes they won't) we may forget that life isn't really fair and we misuse our creativity in a way that we may blame ourselves. Be kind to yourself and try to find a more useful focus for your introspection and creativity (every bit helps).

And only a few people even knew we were dating during that time, but I am still afraid that this will somehow wreck my career. It always seems like no matter how well I'm doing my job, some minor social mishap happens between me and someone I'm working with that turns me into an outcast. I hope this isn't going to be a similar thing.

Be careful with self-fulfilling prophecies. Sometimes expecting something to happen makes us defensive - this in turn means we are raising the topic constantly, even if subtly. Most people have much to worry on their own, let them. If I was in a similar case, I might try to remind myself of what other things I like about the job and focus on them. Liking your job a little more is healthy for you and it makes you a better colleague for others.

I understand what you are going through is hard. You care for her. Try to also care for yourself. If nothing else, try confidence on like a shirt and see how it feels. If it doesn't fit you, then toss it. Even then, I see nothing wrong with where you are, how you acted or how you feel.

[Dire Moose]

I'd like to agree with you, but there are two things that are stopping me.

First, before even bringing up the thesis, she said "What we've been doing together is really scaring me." I don't see any other way to reasonably interpret that than what I stated above.

Second, there has been a pattern at places I've previously worked. When I have made social mistakes early on, my coworkers have generally acted nice about it to my face, but in at least two previous jobs they have gone behind my back to the management and tried to get me fired over it. I have already identified someone who has reason to do this here (protecting her friend and putting herself in a better position to keep her job). Even if the management does not take action initially, I have known them to keep laundry lists of my supposed bad behavior to use against me when they do want to go after me later.

The reason why I'm concerned over whether I went too far is that I am afraid of what her friend will do. If she perceives a need to defend this person from me, she probably will do something since I'm competition already.

[Chen]

I'd like to agree with you, but there are two things that are stopping me.

First, before even bringing up the thesis, she said "What we've been doing together is really scaring me." I don't see any other way to reasonably interpret that than what I stated above.

Second, there has been a pattern at places I've previously worked. When I have made social mistakes early on, my coworkers have generally acted nice about it to my face, but in at least two previous jobs they have gone behind my back to the management and tried to get me fired over it. I have already identified someone who has reason to do this here (protecting her friend and putting herself in a better position to keep her job). Even if the management does not take action initially, I have known them to keep laundry lists of my supposed bad behavior to use against me when they do want to go after me later.

The reason why I'm concerned over whether I went too far is that I am afraid of what her friend will do. If she perceives a need to defend this person from me, she probably will do something since I'm competition already.

Regardless of whether or not you went too far (IMO from the limited information you gave I don't think so), what's done is done. Consider the situation where she felt you did go too far and talked to her friend about it. You trying to explain yourself or convince them you did nothing wrong is just going to make you look worse. Why would her good friend take you, an overall stranger's word, over her friend's? If you didn't go too far, bringing it up is going to make you look awkward and weird in addition to making it seem like you felt the girl in question was lying to you, which would probably also be a bad mark against from her friend's point of view.

Move on with things. Continue to do your job as normal. Trying to do anything pro-active about this possible situation is likely going to blow up worse than if you did nothing. Explain yourself IF someone brings it up. Otherwise consider the matter closed.

[aspi]

Part of the trouble is I feel so very tired all the time. I can't wake up until after about 11 to 12 hours of sleep without feeling miserable. And work plus lunch plus transportation takes about 10 hours. Which pretty much just leaves time for getting ready to work in the day.

When do you usually go to bed?

As weird as it sounds, this seems to make a huge difference. While I was getting my Masters, I would go to bed around 1am and have trouble getting up at 9. I changed this to going to bed at 10:30pm and I now have no trouble getting up at 6:30. It's the same duration of 8 hours, but I feel a lot better in the morning. Sleep before midnight is just different.

Obviously, whether you can do this depends on your job. But even if you have to work late, at least try to have a strictly fixed rhythm for all days of the week, including weekends. It may be tough to get this going, but it's worth it once you start waking up on your own at fixed times.

[RoyVG]

Minor vent and rant again

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I get the feeling I'm radiating some kind of anti-social aura around myself. Everyone around me seems to be talking to each other and laughing and stuff like that and I'm here with no one considering talking to me, unless they need something work-related. I'm feeling pretty lonely as it is and this isn't helping my confidence in any way shape or from.

[dmaxno]

I'd like to agree with you, but there are two things that are stopping me.

First, before even bringing up the thesis, she said "What we've been doing together is really scaring me." I don't see any other way to reasonably interpret that than what I stated above.

Could it be that she's not ready for the relationship? Did she think some people in her family or inner circle would disapprove? Sadly those things can happen. It is very much unfair to you, but it is not your fault.

Second, there has been a pattern at places I've previously worked. When I have made social mistakes early on, my coworkers have generally acted nice about it to my face, but in at least two previous jobs they have gone behind my back to the management and tried to get me fired over it. I have already identified someone who has reason to do this here (protecting her friend and putting herself in a better position to keep her job). Even if the management does not take action initially, I have known them to keep laundry lists of my supposed bad behavior to use against me when they do want to go after me later.

The reason why I'm concerned over whether I went too far is that I am afraid of what her friend will do. If she perceives a need to defend this person from me, she probably will do something since I'm competition already.

If someone is planning and plotting against you, it may just backfire on them. See, people who plot are never as smart as they think they are (kinda like Bozzok in OOTS) and people who brag about their smart plans are usually making things up or taking credit for what was not their doing. Exceptions apply but are very rare.
Just try and walk the high road yourself. Light is the strongest disinfectant. Life is not fair, you cannot control everything. However, you still have some control over your actions, walk a road that you can be proud of. I know, easier said than done, but perfection is not required.

Good luck

[aspi]

Minor vent and rant again

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I get the feeling I'm radiating some kind of anti-social aura around myself. Everyone around me seems to be talking to each other and laughing and stuff like that and I'm here with no one considering talking to me, unless they need something work-related. I'm feeling pretty lonely as it is and this isn't helping my confidence in any way shape or from.

Then take the initiative and talk to people. I realize that this can be difficult, but by just waiting to be talked to, you may effectively create an aura of inapproachability (lets not call it an anti-social aura, shall we? ). If you're usually keeping to yourself, people will actually respect that and give you your space unless they feel that they have to engage (e.g. when they need something).

[FinnLassie]

I don't even know. This is more of a vent than ask for advice, that's all I know.

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I am being diagnosed for a milder case of bipolar disorder. I just started studying towards a career I love, but now I'm stuck with knowing that I won't be fully employable at some point. And not knowing when is breaking me the most, as the full diagnosis could come around in the next 5 to 30 years,,,

I'm just being Negative Nancy, as always. Move along.

[Astrella]

Mew. Why would you not be fully employable? Bipolar can be perfectly manageable.

[FinnLassie]

I think I'm reflecting a lot of my future prospects based on how the disorder manifests itself amongst my family. A lot of them can only work part time. Which isn't too bad, but I dunno. I'm a huge perfectionist when it comes to certain things, and education & work life is one of those things where any fallback makes me go in an internal berserk mode.

[Astrella]

Well, is best to not move ahead too much yet, you know? Stuff like that will become apparent when it does, it's not a defined reality.

*tons of sympathies though, mental health struggles are hard*

[RabbitHoleLost]

Being diagnosed and with a history of raging bipolar disorder, I can tell you that (as I'm sure you know, with your own family history) it can sometimes be really hard to balance a full time job, especially depending on which type you have and how often moods cycle
however, it is not impossible to manage and many bipolar people have perfectly successful lives

No need to give up so quickly- it's not a death sentence

[FinnLassie]

Thank you both for your encouragements. I've started a mood balancing medication which is kind of making me paranoid (as meds always do, I get a sense of "MY LIFE IS NOT IN CONTROL THE MEDS ARE CONTROLLING MEEEEE"). I've noticed some small changes in my reactions to things, but I'm only 50% from the regular minimum prescription... so yeah. Tbh, I am sort of sad atm. Due to this whole situation, I've had to cancel and move a compulsory work placement period for my degree... Though, I guess it's for the best right now, I'm not at my most stable state of mind with being unable to recognise my moods and just having started meds...

[RabbitHoleLost]

Medication is a balancing act, for sure, and everyone's chemical make up is different, so prescriptions have to be monitored over a period of time. Make sure you keep the conversation channels between your doctor open about how your medications are making you feel.
Every medication has side effects, but it comes down to whether or not the benefit outweighs the negative.

[FinnLassie]

Medication is a balancing act, for sure, and everyone's chemical make up is different, so prescriptions have to be monitored over a period of time. Make sure you keep the conversation channels between your doctor open about how your medications are making you feel.
Every medication has side effects, but it comes down to whether or not the benefit outweighs the negative.

Yeah, I'm glad my doctor's easy to approach. I guess there's a positive side to this all... Since it's summer, all this won't meddle with my school stuff for another 2,5 months, and I'd like to believe that I'd have some sort of balance with meds & therapy by that point.

[Dire Moose]

Two of my friends just started dating and can't keep their hands off each other. Fine for them, but I'm still getting over a painful breakup (see above) and watching them fills me with resentment and bitterness to the point of making me sick. I've told them exactly why it bothers me and have asked them to tone it down in front of me, but they have refused and told me to just get over it, and I can't avoid them in favor of other people since this is a small town and my options for friends are severely limited (plus, avoiding them would mean shutting down my Pathfinder campaign and disappointing a lot of people). Keep in mind that I only managed to recover from said breakup in the first place by hanging out with these people and now they're keeping me in pain over it while claiming to be supportive.

What am I supposed to do? I have caught myself trying to get involved in another relationship as quickly as possible just to stop the anger and jealousy, which might actually make it worse.

[dehro]

Honestly, you can't pretend two people who are in a starting relationship to give a great deal about how their relationship/happiness makes you feel. Asking them to tone it down was a somewhat reasonable request which was entirely in their rights to refuse. It's sad for you that they did refuse it, and indeed it means you'll just have to get over how it makes you feel... because after all, their relationship really isn't about you. You could try to be happy for them instead of using it as a trigger to feel sad. How to do that, I don't know. Powering through it and ignoring their displays of affection seems the only way I can come up with. Finding asap another mate is not the answer, as I seem to understand you have realised,
It may not be easy, but once you've learned to not let other people's happiness cause you to feel sad for yourself, you'll feel all the better for it and having done the right thing you'll still have your friends. It is a matter of time, after all.. Once your friends are a bit more settled in their feelings, their displays will diminish naturally.

[RoyVG]

Don't fall into the trap that getting a new relationship ASAP will solve your problems. I was thinking the same thing when my first attempt at a relationship failed miserably and it only make you do desperate things which on the long run wil only hurt you more. You are in your right to ask if they could tone down their signs of affection when you are around, but they are also in their right to turn that request down. It sucks when such a, I would assume at least, simple request is not respected, but don't worry, it will go down as time goes by. Don't make the same mistake I made however, don't cut your connections with them and try to stay in contact. Two of my friends started dating which caused the previously mentoned failed attempt and I just cut all my ties with them, and everyone remotely surrounding them. I lost a great deal of friends (well, not really lost, I never bothered keeping contact because of their associations with the couple and they never approached me). I can count the amount of times I talked to either of them on one hand since the beginning of this year. Keep contacting them, but take a more 'seperate' approach if you have to. Talk to one of them at a time while the other is away or out of the picture for a while (due to work, vacation, family, events, etc), but if you feel you cannot handle it, leave them alone when they are together. If you are afraid of dissappointing a lot of people because you have to stop going to your Pathfinder meetings, I prefer to think of it this way: Think about yourself before bothering thinking about someone else. It may sound a bit egocentric but believe me, when push comes to shove, it is the fastest way to recovery.

[Lycunadari]

Just a rant, no advise needed.

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I've had hurting joints and bones for a long time, and while it was usually very low, barely noticeable pain, it was still there really often. One time it was bad enough that I missed school because I couldn't walk more than a few steps at a time because the pain was so bad. I've also been really tired no matter how much I sleep for years now, and I can count the nights where I've actually slept well on two hands. I always need ages to fall asleep, and often wake up at night, and am never really awake in the morning. I've also been depressed.
Over the last 10 years (I'm now 20) I've been to different doctors because of these problems several times, but they never found anything. They did all kinds of blood tests, but apparently everything was fine there.
A few weeks ago I got a new therapist (I started uni last year, so I moved and had to find a new one) and told her that I'm worried about keeping up with uni. She heard "I'm always tired and everything is too much" and asked if I'd ever been tested for vitamin d deficiency. I said yes, because I had been tested for all kinds of things, but to be sure I asked my mum to call my old doctor and ask about it. Apparently I hadn't been tested for it. My sister started researching about vitamin d, cause she has some of the same problems (less the pain, more the fatigue. There are days where she sleeps 8 hours at night, takes a several hour nap in the afternoon, and is still too tired to work). She soon found out that a lack of vitamin d can cause constant fatigue, insomnia and bone pains. She went to the doctor to get tested (she had to actually convince him to test her, because he said vitamin d is more related to the bones, not to being tired), and guess what, she has really low vitamin d. My grandma, who has suffered from insomnia for years, and has really, really bad osteoporosis, got tested a bit later (again, she had to tell the doctor to test her), and she also has vitamin d deficiency. Yesterday, I went to get a blood test /including vitamin d/, and surprise, surprise, I have way too little vitamin d (even less than my sister).
So, for years my sister, grandma and I have suffered from symptoms that a quick google search shows are typical symptoms of vitamin d deficiency. But somehow, no doctor ever thought of it. The best part? Some of the problems caused by it are irreversible, so if I'm unlucky, I'll have to live with the pain for the rest of my life (not to speak of my grandma's several broken bones), and if my therapist (who's not a doctor) hadn't mentioned that doctors usually don't test for it unless you actively tell them to, we might still have no idea why we are always tired, why I'm in pain almost constantly and why we are having insomnia, and it would only have gotten worse.
So, tell me again why looking up your symptoms on the internet and self diagnosing is such a bad idea.

[Iruka]

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So, tell me again why looking up your symptoms on the internet and self diagnosing is such a bad idea.

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I think self treating is the real bad idea. Self diagnosing on the internet can mostly lead to needless worries (Ahhh, what if my headache is actually a brain tumor?) and pointless arguments with a doctor (But Doctor, shouldn't I get my brain scanned to make sure it is not a tumor?).
Except in cases like yours where the medical experts failed for whatever reasons.

I found it quite baffling that you were never tested for those. A deficiency in Vitamin D or B would have been among my prime suspects when someone is tired all the time.