New OOTS products from CafePress
New OOTS t-shirts, ornaments, mugs, bags, and more
Page 4 of 50 FirstFirst 123456789101112131429 ... LastLast
Results 91 to 120 of 1479
  1. - Top - End - #91
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Earth?
    Gender
    Intersex

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    On the self-harm topic, I would strongly recommend anyone thinking about weighing-in on the subject to have do some background reading on it first. For example, here is an informational leaflet from the Royal College of Psychiatrists, and this is Helpguide's page on the subject.
    A search for 'self-harm information' would probably find more.

    Quote Originally Posted by NihhusHuotAliro View Post
    Well, I've been banned from most everywhere on the internet I go; and I don't really feel like I truly belong to any community or group.

    And, well, you guys don't like tropers and tropes; so I don't really belong here.
    Is this related to the thread in the media discussion forums? Because there'd be a rather sad irony about it if was, considering the guy who started did so because he though the site was too unfriendly to people who weren't tropers (I believe he's quit the site now).

    The thing is, these forums aren't really one community, more a loose affiliation of several and just because you happen to fit into one apparent group (although personally I haven' seen much to indicate tropers are that unpopular) doesn't mean you can't fit-in here. I mean I don't play tabletop RPGS, don't participate in discussions of the comic these forums are ostensibly about and I've been here for five years. It's just a matter of finding the subforums that better cater to your interests
    Last edited by Mx.Silver; 2013-09-11 at 08:57 PM.

  2. - Top - End - #92
    Titan in the Playground
     
    RCgothic's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    UK

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    I very much enjoy troping, that thread in media discussion was the first example I saw of anyone on here complaining about it. Frankly, I'm going to completely ignore that guy.
    Last edited by RCgothic; 2013-09-12 at 05:13 AM.

  3. - Top - End - #93
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Form's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Netherlands
    Gender
    Male

    furious Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    I have such ****ty ****ing housemates. I've had to put up with noise at insane hours several times (in spite of politely requesting them to stop), bullying and nothing but disrespect and downright contempt. All of it entirely unprovoked and all because I had the audacity to expect a sense of responsibility from people and for daring to file a complaint when I get threated in my own house by an illegal tenant!

    I have been nothing other than reasonable and polite, yet it is simply met with more contempt. And when I actually call one of them out on their bull**** all I get is crappy excuses in a pathetic attempt to justify their behaviour. Pointing out the bullying incidents actually elicited a smile and a laugh. It is absolutely ludicrous and downright insane that I get the blame pinned on me by them.

    So, I'll be moving as soon as I actually find another place. Which might take a while. I have more of a right to stay than they do, but that doesn't seem to matter. It's disgusting that I'm practically getting bullied out of my home and that they not only get away with their misbehaviour, but actually get rewarded for it. I would love to dish out some karmic justice, but it is beyond my power to do so. When I do leave, I'll be sure to file another official complaint, but it'll never do me any good. At most, it'll just sit in some file cabinet collecting dust.

    By now, I can no longer respect these people. I've got nothing but utter contempt for them now. I loathe bullies.

  4. - Top - End - #94
    Troll in the Playground
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Israel

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    My third dog died.

    I'm jealously depressed, everything happy makes me rage a little.

    I had her for 14 years. She was born the only white pup among her brothers.

    I considered her as a gift.
    I have a framed picture of 4 year old me holding her in his arms.

    We just buried her.

    I need support.
    Despite everything, its still me.

  5. - Top - End - #95
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    NihhusHuotAliro's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2013

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    I felt the same way when my dog (princess) died a few years back. A lovely seventeen-year-old golden retriever that we'd had since I could remember.

    I still sometimes look in the hallway and expect to see her there.

    -hug-

    The only advice I know to help with this is to write down all the memories you have of the dog you lost before you forget. Especially the happy memories.

  6. - Top - End - #96
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    More rants, because I can't do anything else. These are a different problem though, so progress!

    Spoiler
    Show
    I'm currently volunteering at a university while I apply for grad school. I'm supposed to be getting paid once the new year budget for the grant comes in, which will be nice, but like I told the lab PI, I'd be here anyway. I'm not mad about not getting paid yet.

    I'm peeved beyond disquiet at all the other things that not being paid prohibits me from doing. I'm just a volunteer, so I can't get a university computer account, so I can't fix our aging computer system. I'm just a volunteer, so I can't take the university courses in biosafety, et cetera, so I can't work with half of the things I came down here to work with. I'm just a volunteer, so I can't use the campus data server like everyone else. It's getting to the point where I'm barred from doing publishable work in a shorthanded lab because I'm willing to work for free. Even that, though, is an irritating but ultimately understandable consequence of low funding and ponderous academic bureaucracy.

    What really fills me with roiling seas of incandescent ire is how my two lab PIs are working to respond to it. Yes, there are two of them; it's a husband-and-wife team, which is rare and all the more irksome because I can't just associate with the nice one. See, the nice one is working diligently to get the budgets through. The other one is working diligently to build as many workarounds as possible into the system...and then turns around and says "well, this part should really be done by an employee of the university", with exactly the right kind of irritating stress.

    Every night, I sit down and write a new version of a letter I will never send to her. It reads like this:

    Listen. I don't need workarounds to keep me in this weird half-employed state; that just generates more work for everyone. I don't need your condescension, either. Fully a third of the work we do here is coming from grants I put together; they only have your name on them because you have a PhD and I don't. This lab would fall apart without the eighty-hour weeks I put in keeping the networks and the apparatus running despite themselves, and they're eighty-hour weeks because everything takes twice as long when I have to hack my way around everything. You ostracize me to your detriment, not mine; I've been working here over the summer for seven years through high school and college, and now that I'm finally here to stay, albeit temporarily, the only cieling on my efficacy is the one you insist on raising by inches. I know I'm not one of your favored ex-students, and I know I'm of a race and gender that's unusual for this lab, and I know people like me are talked about behind their backs here, because I've heard you making fun of them. But I also know this: I am more efficient, more dedicated, more competent and more productive than any of your actual employees, and that's despite every system put in place to prevent me being so and every smart remark you make when you mistake my patience for desperation. The sooner you recognize that, the more work I can do for you.


    Of course, I will never send this, because that would be career suicide.
    Instead, I rant.
    Thank you for reading.

  7. - Top - End - #97
    Retired Mod in the Playground Retired Moderator
     
    DrowGirl

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Leeds, UK
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    It's scary just how shattered I'm getting by social interaction nowadays. The 1 1/2 years when I started uni I was fine with chatting with people all the time. Now, I'm getting worn out after a couple of hours and start getting anxious.

    I hate lingering effects of anxiety.
    "I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
    ~ Timberwolf

    "I blame Castaras. You know... In general."
    ~ KuReshtin

    "Castaras - An absolutely adorable facade that hides a truly ruthless streak."
    ~ The Succubus

  8. - Top - End - #98
    Colossus in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Quote Originally Posted by NihhusHuotAliro View Post
    Well, I've been banned from most everywhere on the internet I go; and I don't really feel like I truly belong to any community or group.

    And, well, you guys don't like tropers and tropes; so I don't really belong here.
    ...are you serious? From what I've heard half the playground are tropers, and vice-versa. That thread over there is complaining about people here liking tropes too much! Yeeeeaaah, I think you'll be fine in that regard.
    If you have a history of getting banned, though, I strongly recommend that you read the rules very carefully. There's more here than at most places.

  9. - Top - End - #99
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Astrella's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Castaras View Post
    It's scary just how shattered I'm getting by social interaction nowadays. The 1 1/2 years when I started uni I was fine with chatting with people all the time. Now, I'm getting worn out after a couple of hours and start getting anxious.

    I hate lingering effects of anxiety.
    *offers hugs*

    I'm not sure what to say besides, yeah, I know that feeling. :/
    I make avatars. Sometimes.
    Spoiler
    Show

  10. - Top - End - #100
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Archpaladin Zousha's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Hastings, MN
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    I'm not exactly certain where to put this "cry for help" as it were, but I've started becoming increasingly frustrated with roleplaying games as I've changed as a person over the past year. Because the source of this frustration hinges on non-board-appropriate topics, I don't know how to discuss it without making sense.
    "Reach down into your heart and you'll find many reasons to fight. Survival. Honor. Glory. But what about those who feel it's their duty to protect the innocent? There you'll find a warrior savage enough to match any dragon, and in the end, they'll retain what the others won't. Their humanity."

  11. - Top - End - #101
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Santa Barbara, CA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Then PM me about it.

  12. - Top - End - #102
    Ettin in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    *sigh* Me again.

    Do you ever get the feeling that the world is just an impossible mess of rules, and somehow you were supposed to know them all by now, but they don't make any sense and every time you think you've learned one you find out you're doing it all wrong and you start to wonder why you even bother doing anything that requires human contact of any sort?

    That's what my life feels like. Like everyone around me is speaking some different language that happens to share the same words. Like I can't even get along with housemates because anything I do I obviously should be doing better. I try to do work and then all of a sudden there's all these obvious things that everyone else but me manages to do. Therapy's the worst - no matter who I see, it's just one long exercise in confirming how messed-up and stupid I am because I can't even be at this magical place they call "cooperating" because none of what they say makes any sense. I tried, but I had to quit last time because I came out feeling so terrible I could barely even get myself home. It just feels like I'm so messed up I'm not even good enough to be in therapy.

    I feel like I'm upsetting people just being out in the world, messing everything up around me. Like I try to be better and it just ends up making things worse because nothing makes sense to me. And when I do understand the rules I can't do them for one reason or another, I try and start and it just collapses midway and nothing gets done.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  13. - Top - End - #103
    Colossus in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Got me a new future one of these:
    Spoiler: http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2347
    Show


    Went to LARP the other day. There was a new girl. Before the game, they always ask "is there anyone here who isn't okay with appropriate touching?" She put her hand up.
    And then I forget about it.
    First thing my character does when she sees her: gives her a big ol' hug.
    She cried.

    I'm pretty much the worst person ever :I


    I did apologise profusely, twice, and then later she harassed me with a Skrit plush so I guess she forgives me. But still. Bloody stupid.

  14. - Top - End - #104
    Retired Mod in the Playground Retired Moderator
     
    DrowGirl

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Leeds, UK
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Sat at home waiting to go back to freshers fair to run the stall. was stressed and headachey. now, thanks to a neighbourhood kitty who's decided I'm hersand gets lonely when her owners are out - feel better.

    I love cats.
    "I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
    ~ Timberwolf

    "I blame Castaras. You know... In general."
    ~ KuReshtin

    "Castaras - An absolutely adorable facade that hides a truly ruthless streak."
    ~ The Succubus

  15. - Top - End - #105
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Earth?
    Gender
    Intersex

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Castaras View Post
    Sat at home waiting to go back to freshers fair to run the stall. was stressed and headachey. now, thanks to a neighbourhood kitty who's decided I'm hers and gets lonely when her owners are out - feel better.

    I love cats.
    I like cats as well. Contrary to what a lot of people (mostly dog-people) say they can be quite comforting.
    Not so much in my case, of course, on account of the allergies.

  16. - Top - End - #106
    Retired Mod in the Playground Retired Moderator
     
    DrowGirl

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Leeds, UK
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Much sympathy from me about that - I could never imagine a life where you couldn't have a kitty. Mostly because cats are just so wonderful for helping me relax and calm down.

    One day, I'll have my own kitties. It's one of my long term goals in life right now:

    - Job which isn't too horrific that makes enough money to live comfortably
    - Nice house with two gaming rooms (one computer one tabletop), modelling/crafts room
    - 3 cats.

    If I can get all three of those in the next 10 years I'll be very happy.

    As it is now though, as a poor student, I make do with leaving the kitchen door open to our garden so that any curious cats can wander in and say hello.
    "I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
    ~ Timberwolf

    "I blame Castaras. You know... In general."
    ~ KuReshtin

    "Castaras - An absolutely adorable facade that hides a truly ruthless streak."
    ~ The Succubus

  17. - Top - End - #107
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Santa Barbara, CA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Castaras View Post
    As it is now though, as a poor student, I make do with leaving the kitchen door open to our garden so that any curious cats can wander in and say hello.
    I recommend mackerel, herring, and tuna. In that order. The smell alone will bring them in for hours.

  18. - Top - End - #108
    Titan in the Playground
     
    TuggyNE's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Most of my close friends right now are, and have been for a while now, clustered on a small private Skype chatroom. They've all known each other for a while, live in roughly the same area (a city in the Deep South), and get to play D&D face to face; they also tend to share fairly similar ideas and beliefs about most things — beliefs which, notably, conflict in many obvious ways with those common around them. As it happens, my own worldview also tends to conflict with theirs on many of the same points, although I try to be perhaps more rigorous, sensible, and consistent about things than is the norm for their experience.

    Up to now (i.e., for the last two or three years), that hadn't seemed like too big a problem, since our occasional disagreements were fairly academic and reasonably polite and respectful all around. Sure, sometimes it got a little old trying to explain why such-and-such didn't make any sense, especially when the explanation got brushed aside, but that's how it goes, y'know?

    But that didn't last, and a few days ago a discussion that started out quite innocently rapidly spiraled into a group condemnation of my faults: closed-mindedness, ignorance, unwillingness to admit being wrong or change my mind or do anything except reject new information out of hand, and disrespect for all viewpoints except my own. Needless to say, this took me aback, especially since none of them had ever said anything like this before, and it was also pretty painful, since I try rather hard not to merely sound right, but to actually know the truth.
    Spoiler: Hypothesis on cause
    Show
    I think it might have been triggered by a recent bad experience with a parent who combines a superficial similarity of views to mine with a decidedly different and rather abusive pattern of parenting; I've tried to explain my differences from this person in the past, but I'm not sure it stuck in their minds. And in this case maybe they were expecting me to angrily and with much thunder denounce this horrible behavior and everything that could possibly be connected to it, but I kind of missed the cue, and didn't really say much about that at all.
    Spoiler: Aside on the plausibility of their claim
    Show
    Since, as far as I can tell, their main argument for my unwillingness to listen to reason or accept new facts is the observation that few or none of their arguments convinced me, and since in most cases the counter-arguments I was using were fairly classic arguments, reconstructed from memory of books I'd previously studied on the subject, I'm not really sure what they were trying to say, other than that clearly I had to be wrong about at least something, because however possible it was that they themselves could be wrong about things in the abstract, the fact that I wasn't right about the things I most firmly believed was certainly something they were right about. My own assertions that I was willing to accept the possibility of being wrong were dismissed with "Well, you're willing to say that, but not to do it".


    Anyway, I'm not (so much) here to be reassured about how calm and rational and humble I am, which would be a little unfair since most of you probably don't have quite enough information to make a sound judgment on that anyway. Instead, I'm more in need of some advice on how to deal with this, and in particular how to (belatedly) answer one of their questions: "no hard feelings, I hope?"

    Spoiler: Aftereffects so far
    Show
    They keep posting articles in chat, of the sort that you find to read and share with friends and talk about how true they are — except that I tend to disagree with them, but don't see the use of actually saying anything. I've asked them to stop doing that, but it doesn't seem to make a difference.
    Quote Originally Posted by Water_Bear View Post
    That's RAW for you; 100% Rules-Legal, 110% silly.
    Quote Originally Posted by hamishspence View Post
    "Common sense" and "RAW" are not exactly on speaking terms
    Projects: Homebrew, Gentlemen's Agreement, DMPCs, Forbidden Knowledge safety, and Top Ten Worst. Also, Quotes and RACSD are good.

    Anyone knows blue is for sarcas'ing in · "Take 10 SAN damage from Dark Orchid" · Use of gray may indicate nitpicking · Green is sincerity

  19. - Top - End - #109
    Troll in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    They've shown they aren't going to change their minds and apparently neither are you. I presume the content of said arguments are similar to banned topics here on the boards. If so, it makes sense since these are often very divisive topics. Generally if someone is entranced in their own beliefs its going to be extremely hard to change them if at all possible. A regurgitated argument from a book somewhere is not going to be convincing at all. I suggest not arguing in that manner. Really arguing issues like this is rarely going to get either side to change their minds. Maybe you can come to a compromise of sorts depending on the topic, but odds are both sides will just leave with the own worldviews intact. Not to mention the fact that as an argument gets more fierce ego starts to come into play and people will cling harder to their stances even if they ARE being persuaded in some way towards the other side.

    I'd suggest avoiding these arguments all together. If they want to post things that are affirming their beliefs, just ignore them. Let them share their beliefs and don't rise to the bait of just arguing with them. The only other real option is just to stop communicating with them, but that seems a bit more extreme than is necessary I'd say.

  20. - Top - End - #110
    Banned
     
    Skeppio's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    What is the point? Seriously, what is the point of going on? I'm always going to be alone. I try, and try, and try some more, but nothing can alter this inescapable fact.

    I try to meet new people. I never hear back from them. I drop them a line, get no reply. Ever. Sometimes I'm lucky, and find someone I can chat to about anything and have stuff in common with. But then all of a sudden, it's like they no longer exist. They don't talk, they don't reply. Nothing. What did I do wrong? What do I always do wrong? How can I possibly ruin things every single time, despite doing absolutely nothing out of the ordinary ("the ordinary" meaning the discussions and stuff that they liked having with me in the first place)? I did nothing wrong! Why do they just ignore me?! Am I that horrible that they'd rather vanish completely than even tell me they don't want to talk anymore?

    It's pointless. I'm completely incompatible with every single person I could hope to meet. Every single thing/place that I can be happy around and contribute to seems to reject me entirely. People who seemed to enjoy being around me, and hell, we even tried to plan a date. A ****ing date. But **** happens and that had to be cancelled. And then they just leave, never to speak to me again. Why? I don't understand...

    No-one wants me. I'm nothing but a factory reject. A broken, worthless failure with the wrong body, the wrong interests, the wrong status, the wrong everything.

    I don't want to keep going like this. I try. I honest to god try my best (not that any of you ever believe me when I say that ). I can be happy and friendly, genuinely happy and friendly. It works! At least....I thought it did. But apparently I'm just meant to be alone and away from everyone else. The non-broken people. The ones that got the stamp of approval.

    Maybe if I had managed to tell my parents about being trans all those years ago, things might have been different... Who am I kidding? They would never have listened to me back then. And besides, rather than being an ugly unlovable guy, I'd be an ugly unlovable girl. Not much of a difference.

    I've been to psychologists, therapists, etc, and they've helped. They really did. I felt confident, that I knew I could talk to them, that they accepted whatever I am without a second thought. But they can't alter reality. They can't force people to like me and want to be around me. It's not their fault. But it's not something they can help with.

  21. - Top - End - #111
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Charlottesville
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Skeppio, trust me when I say I know close to exactly how you're feeling. Your words are pretty much the same litany of abuse I throw at myself from time to time. And you're right. It's hard to keep going. To make yourself care when all the evidence you can see says that you're not worth it and that no one could possibly care for you. It's even more frustrating when you find yourself thinking those kinds of thoughts when you know rationally that there are people who care, even if it's just a few. In my situation I've got maybe 2 people I think genuinely care about what happens to me. And half the time I'm not even sure about that. And that's after about 5 years of knowing these two. I don't know if there's anyone in your life at all who you can say that about, but I do know that it's worth taking a second, third, fourth, fifth... as many looks as it takes to find even just one person. Even if it's just a friend. And I'm sure you have at least one of those somewhere (from what I've seen several people on these boards might qualify, which is more than I can say for myself).

    I know it sucks when you're sitting at home alone on a Friday night with no date (basically every Friday of my existence) or out in public watching all the couples enjoying each other (I can't be the only person who does that). And I wish I could say it gets better or you grow numb to it, but it hasn't so far. The only thing that gets me through is knowing I have a couple people I can rant to about stuff (again there's probably at least one or two people on the boards that qualify, people here seem to like you pretty good).
    Tali avatar by the talented Thormag.

  22. - Top - End - #112
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    EmeraldRose's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Der Wahnsinn
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    I feel the need to vent. Why is it ok for him to say "I just want to go to sleep" and not ok for me to be mad about that?
    Long live the Ceikatar!

    Here Be Dragons

  23. - Top - End - #113
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Charlottesville
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Quote Originally Posted by EmeraldRose View Post
    I feel the need to vent. Why is it ok for him to say "I just want to go to sleep" and not ok for me to be mad about that?
    Context? I can think of situations where both are ok/not ok.
    Tali avatar by the talented Thormag.

  24. - Top - End - #114
    Titan in the Playground
     
    The Rose Dragon's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2008

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    Context? I can think of situations where both are ok/not ok.
    I second this motion. Sleep is a very basic need for the human body, and expressing the desire to sleep is fairly harmless and normal. If you are willing to vent out more detail, I'll be glad to help you.
    I use black for sarcasm.


    Call me Rose, or The Rose Dragon. Rose Dragon is someone else entirely.

    If you need me for something, please PM me about it. I am having difficulty keeping track of all my obligations.

  25. - Top - End - #115
    Banned
     
    Skeppio's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    Skeppio, trust me when I say I know close to exactly how you're feeling. Your words are pretty much the same litany of abuse I throw at myself from time to time. And you're right. It's hard to keep going. To make yourself care when all the evidence you can see says that you're not worth it and that no one could possibly care for you. It's even more frustrating when you find yourself thinking those kinds of thoughts when you know rationally that there are people who care, even if it's just a few. In my situation I've got maybe 2 people I think genuinely care about what happens to me. And half the time I'm not even sure about that. And that's after about 5 years of knowing these two. I don't know if there's anyone in your life at all who you can say that about, but I do know that it's worth taking a second, third, fourth, fifth... as many looks as it takes to find even just one person. Even if it's just a friend. And I'm sure you have at least one of those somewhere (from what I've seen several people on these boards might qualify, which is more than I can say for myself).

    I know it sucks when you're sitting at home alone on a Friday night with no date (basically every Friday of my existence) or out in public watching all the couples enjoying each other (I can't be the only person who does that). And I wish I could say it gets better or you grow numb to it, but it hasn't so far. The only thing that gets me through is knowing I have a couple people I can rant to about stuff (again there's probably at least one or two people on the boards that qualify, people here seem to like you pretty good).
    Yeah. I do have a few people who care a ton about me and my well-being, but most are so far away from me in other countries. I wish I could go over to visit them, but I know I'd end up really upset when I'd have to head back home. So I'm not sure if the good times would be enough to keep those thoughts away when I have to go home.

    As for dating, same problem. All the people I can connect with are far away. The people that I can talk to so freely and have so much in common with, are all far out of my reach. If only they were here.... if only....
    In addition, I look for places and people all the time (i have a lot of free time on my hands), but everyone seems to have already found their group of friends. No-one wants another person to try and fit into the group. I do try, I go to places to have fun, I chat with people and have a good time, but I never end up part of the group. I don't know what's wrong with me that no-one wants me around.

    I think too, that a part of failing at finding a date is; a part of me feels uncomfortable dating while I'm still male-bodied. I feel like I'm lying just by looking like I do. I don't look feminine enough, I don't have the right genitals, I don't have any of the right stuff. And if I did hook up, I'd be fearful of how they'd cope when I finally get to go on hormones, etc. Would they be okay with my changing body? I don't know. ._.

    *sigh* I don't know what to do with myself. I feel uncomfortable looking for someone while I'm male-bodied (and I hate my male body anyway, so i feel too ugly to go out looking), but at the same time, the loneliness makes every day, even the fun ones, have a bleakness to it that I can't remove.

  26. - Top - End - #116
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    GM.Casper's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2009

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Skeppio View Post
    everyone seems to have already found their group of friends. No-one wants another person to try and fit into the group. I do try, I go to places to have fun, I chat with people and have a good time, but I never end up part of the group. I don't know what's wrong with me that no-one wants me around.
    Its not you. As you already noted, its a bit hard to fit the fifth wheel on . But there are certainly others in the same position because they moved to another city or something. Melbourne is big enough (twice the pop of my entire country!). Only problem is finding them...

  27. - Top - End - #117
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Charlottesville
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Skeppio View Post
    Yeah. I do have a few people who care a ton about me and my well-being, but most are so far away from me in other countries. I wish I could go over to visit them, but I know I'd end up really upset when I'd have to head back home. So I'm not sure if the good times would be enough to keep those thoughts away when I have to go home.
    Again, I know what you mean. I spent my entire childhood moving from one place to another, about once every 2 years. I never really fit in anywhere and still to this day don't really have anywhere to call home. Even the few friends I do have are the product of having lived in one place for 5+ years with those friends being gained at college which is possibly the single easiest place to find friends. My recommendation is to have some sort of way of reaching out to those people for regular contact (Skype, Facebook, something other than here I find is best). Then even if you can't visit, you can still stay in good touch.

    As for dating, same problem. All the people I can connect with are far away. The people that I can talk to so freely and have so much in common with, are all far out of my reach. If only they were here.... if only....
    In addition, I look for places and people all the time (i have a lot of free time on my hands), but everyone seems to have already found their group of friends. No-one wants another person to try and fit into the group. I do try, I go to places to have fun, I chat with people and have a good time, but I never end up part of the group. I don't know what's wrong with me that no-one wants me around.
    Yep, it sucks, big time. And the only thing you can do is find new groups or keep trying to fit into the current ones. I still don't feel like I really belong in any big groups and these are people I get relatively well along with and have known for 5 years. I'm not sure I'll ever get to know them that well. I just keep trucking along because what I figure is that the only way it'll get better is for me not to give up.

    I think too, that a part of failing at finding a date is; a part of me feels uncomfortable dating while I'm still male-bodied. I feel like I'm lying just by looking like I do. I don't look feminine enough, I don't have the right genitals, I don't have any of the right stuff. And if I did hook up, I'd be fearful of how they'd cope when I finally get to go on hormones, etc. Would they be okay with my changing body? I don't know. ._.
    This is something that I honestly don't have any experience in. I can say that if dating makes you uncomfortable, don't try to force it. I don't mean to give up, but try addressing what makes you uncomfortable. You think it'll be weird for the person you're with? Ask them. Be upfront about things and make sure they know who you are and the concerns you have. Let them make the decision of how they feel about it. And if they're not okay with it, then you don't need to be with them, and they don't need to be with you. You'll both just end up unhappy in the end. And if they are okay with it, then there's no reason for you to feel like you're lying. Trust me when I say it's a lot harder to tell yourself that you're lying when you've explicitly been honest with someone and not just avoided addressing an issue.

    *sigh* I don't know what to do with myself. I feel uncomfortable looking for someone while I'm male-bodied (and I hate my male body anyway, so i feel too ugly to go out looking), but at the same time, the loneliness makes every day, even the fun ones, have a bleakness to it that I can't remove.
    The way I got the couple of friends I have now is one of them I did homework with for a semester and then roomed with him for a year. That's the only reason we're close at all. The other one is a girl I had a crush on for a while who I've only just recently begun communicating with more. And that's actually more kind of due to her good connection to the first friend than anything else. So, yep, it's hard and it sucks and it turns things that should be fun into annoyances at best (I got super sad at a wedding one time...). And it makes me feel a lot of the time like it's good that no one is with me because I'm such a terrible person to be around. But then I force myself to think that I must be pretty cool if even a few people like me and that I'm worthwhile. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but I always end up telling myself that things won't get better if I give up. So, maybe take a break from trying to date if it makes you that uncomfortable? Stick to working on building up relationships. Ask a random person you know out to lunch (just lunch, just to spend time with them) a few times. Ping them on Facebook or try to set up a game night or something. Anyways, these are all just suggestions and my opinions, so take them as you will.
    Tali avatar by the talented Thormag.

  28. - Top - End - #118
    Banned
     
    Skeppio's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    Again, I know what you mean. I spent my entire childhood moving from one place to another, about once every 2 years. I never really fit in anywhere and still to this day don't really have anywhere to call home. Even the few friends I do have are the product of having lived in one place for 5+ years with those friends being gained at college which is possibly the single easiest place to find friends. My recommendation is to have some sort of way of reaching out to those people for regular contact (Skype, Facebook, something other than here I find is best). Then even if you can't visit, you can still stay in good touch.
    I do have these friends on Skype. That's the problem. It's just Skype. I can never reach out and hug them, or play my games with them, or watch a movie with them or anything. And don't tell me "you can do most of that online". It's not the same. I wish I could have them in person, just once...

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    Yep, it sucks, big time. And the only thing you can do is find new groups or keep trying to fit into the current ones. I still don't feel like I really belong in any big groups and these are people I get relatively well along with and have known for 5 years. I'm not sure I'll ever get to know them that well. I just keep trucking along because what I figure is that the only way it'll get better is for me not to give up.
    I do keep trying. A friend pointed out a group to me, but sadly they only meet on Wednesday, when I'm pre-occupied. I don't know any other groups that'd want me around.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    This is something that I honestly don't have any experience in. I can say that if dating makes you uncomfortable, don't try to force it. I don't mean to give up, but try addressing what makes you uncomfortable. You think it'll be weird for the person you're with? Ask them. Be upfront about things and make sure they know who you are and the concerns you have. Let them make the decision of how they feel about it. And if they're not okay with it, then you don't need to be with them, and they don't need to be with you. You'll both just end up unhappy in the end. And if they are okay with it, then there's no reason for you to feel like you're lying. Trust me when I say it's a lot harder to tell yourself that you're lying when you've explicitly been honest with someone and not just avoided addressing an issue.
    I feel uncomfortable, due to my gender dysphoria, but the thought of being alone for the rest of my life is painful. So I'm really stuck in a crappy spot there.
    And let them know straight up? I don't know... I don't know if I could trust someone with that before I knew them well. And by that point, they'd be used to me being male. Which'd suck if I wanted to date them, because it means I kept my trans stuff secret from them for the whole time. :/

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    The way I got the couple of friends I have now is one of them I did homework with for a semester and then roomed with him for a year. That's the only reason we're close at all. The other one is a girl I had a crush on for a while who I've only just recently begun communicating with more. And that's actually more kind of due to her good connection to the first friend than anything else. So, yep, it's hard and it sucks and it turns things that should be fun into annoyances at best (I got super sad at a wedding one time...). And it makes me feel a lot of the time like it's good that no one is with me because I'm such a terrible person to be around. But then I force myself to think that I must be pretty cool if even a few people like me and that I'm worthwhile. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but I always end up telling myself that things won't get better if I give up. So, maybe take a break from trying to date if it makes you that uncomfortable? Stick to working on building up relationships. Ask a random person you know out to lunch (just lunch, just to spend time with them) a few times. Ping them on Facebook or try to set up a game night or something. Anyways, these are all just suggestions and my opinions, so take them as you will.
    I don't know. I just need that physical presence/contact. I feel so alone, even with Skype friends.
    And I don't have many friends that could reach my place. Plus it's not even my place. I live with my parents, so I'd have to run stuff by them first. >_<

  29. - Top - End - #119
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Charlottesville
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Skeppio View Post
    I do have these friends on Skype. That's the problem. It's just Skype. I can never reach out and hug them, or play my games with them, or watch a movie with them or anything. And don't tell me "you can do most of that online". It's not the same. I wish I could have them in person, just once...
    Oh, no, I totally agree with you there. Skype and other online methods of maintaining connections are absolutely no substitute for the real thing. But they're a decent bandage while you work on developing the real thing and can sometimes turn into the real thing. That's how I've ended up hanging out with the one girl more.

    I do keep trying. A friend pointed out a group to me, but sadly they only meet on Wednesday, when I'm pre-occupied. I don't know any other groups that'd want me around.
    The fact that you keep trying means that you haven't given up, and that means you're doing pretty awesome. Have you tried looking for groups on meetup.com? Don't know if it's relevant to you, but it might be a start?

    I feel uncomfortable, due to my gender dysphoria, but the thought of being alone for the rest of my life is painful. So I'm really stuck in a crappy spot there.
    Yep, you're right. Kind of like how I feel extremely uncomfortable due to the combination of my age and lack of experience. Not exactly, of course, but the point is that there's something that generally makes everyone feel uncomfortable. The thought of being alone my entire life is one that I've contemplated far too many times. Which is what pushes me to keep trying. And that's okay. It's okay to be uncomfortable about things as long as you don't let it control your behavior. Maybe be informed by it, but not controlled.

    And let them know straight up? I don't know... I don't know if I could trust someone with that before I knew them well. And by that point, they'd be used to me being male. Which'd suck if I wanted to date them, because it means I kept my trans stuff secret from them for the whole time. :/
    Well, that's kind of a catch-22, isn't it. But not insurmountable. There are always going to be people that you're attracted to that just won't work out. Heck, that's the entirety of my experience so far is people not working out despite attraction. But some things should be brought up early on if not from the get-go. In my own experience, polyamory was a thing with one girl. She was upfront about it and needed to be so. Now, she turned out not to be a great communicator, but at least it wasn't a surprise. An example of something that I'd want a potential partner to know about is that I'm not crazy about the idea of kids. That's a pretty major subject. But an important one. I'm not saying you have to let random friends know it immediately, but for a romantic consideration it should definitely be a thing talked about.

    I don't know. I just need that physical presence/contact. I feel so alone, even with Skype friends.
    And I don't have many friends that could reach my place. Plus it's not even my place. I live with my parents, so I'd have to run stuff by them first. >_<
    Yep, I get that. And you're not alone in that feeling. In fact, you're in the majority. As for hosting, can any of your friends come collect you and do something at there place? Maybe spend a few days with them? That seems especially possible if they're local.
    Tali avatar by the talented Thormag.

  30. - Top - End - #120
    Banned
     
    Skeppio's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    Oh, no, I totally agree with you there. Skype and other online methods of maintaining connections are absolutely no substitute for the real thing. But they're a decent bandage while you work on developing the real thing and can sometimes turn into the real thing. That's how I've ended up hanging out with the one girl more.
    Not when you know you can't meet them in person, because they're on the other side of the planet.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    The fact that you keep trying means that you haven't given up, and that means you're doing pretty awesome. Have you tried looking for groups on meetup.com? Don't know if it's relevant to you, but it might be a start?
    No, the fact that I haven't given up only proves how stupid and naive I am that I can't just admit I'm not good enough.
    Hm, from a quick look, I could find one LBGT related group. But...I don't look anywhere near feminine enough to pass, so no thanks. I'm not going to go and look like an utter fool in front of people who actually look decent as their preferred gender.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    Yep, you're right. Kind of like how I feel extremely uncomfortable due to the combination of my age and lack of experience. Not exactly, of course, but the point is that there's something that generally makes everyone feel uncomfortable. The thought of being alone my entire life is one that I've contemplated far too many times. Which is what pushes me to keep trying. And that's okay. It's okay to be uncomfortable about things as long as you don't let it control your behavior. Maybe be informed by it, but not controlled.
    I have no experience either. And I'm too old to not have experience. If only I could go back to when I was in my teens...I could change so much, and actually have a life worth looking forward to. But instead I've made every wrong choice I could possibly make, and now I'm paying for it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    Well, that's kind of a catch-22, isn't it. But not insurmountable. There are always going to be people that you're attracted to that just won't work out. Heck, that's the entirety of my experience so far is people not working out despite attraction. But some things should be brought up early on if not from the get-go. In my own experience, polyamory was a thing with one girl. She was upfront about it and needed to be so. Now, she turned out not to be a great communicator, but at least it wasn't a surprise. An example of something that I'd want a potential partner to know about is that I'm not crazy about the idea of kids. That's a pretty major subject. But an important one. I'm not saying you have to let random friends know it immediately, but for a romantic consideration it should definitely be a thing talked about.
    And when I do talk about it? There goes my chance. No-one wants someone like me. They'd never want me after I tell them the truth. People don't want to date people who aren't perfectly normal and fine in every way. The only people who've accepted even part of me are people who live way too far away for me to ever meet, or people who'd have never been interested in me anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    Yep, I get that. And you're not alone in that feeling. In fact, you're in the majority. As for hosting, can any of your friends come collect you and do something at there place? Maybe spend a few days with them? That seems especially possible if they're local.
    Nope. I have a friend I can meet in the city, but they're busy with work far too often. Plus if I stayed with him... well, I don't get along very well with one of his room-mates.

    EDIT: Sorry that all came out so rude. I'm...not in a good mood...
    Maybe we should take it to PMs before people come along to wag their fingers and laugh at "mean ol' grumpy jerk Skeppio". ._.
    Last edited by Skeppio; 2013-10-06 at 03:06 AM.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •