Personal Woes and Advice 3

[Malak'ai]

Exercise has always worked well for me as a temporary help with depression. (I understand there to be a chemical thing going on with that, but I Am Very Much Not A Doctor.) It helps with the sleep issues that can come alongside depression, too.

Chocolate is also not to be knocked as a temporary supplement. It's medicinal! Totally! I swear!

Many ((hugs)), if you want them, and good wishes sent your way for a helpful medication with minimal side effects.

Mmmm.... Chocolate..... I already too much of the stuff .
In a (very) slightly better mood at just the moment.

Exercise is quite difficult due to an old back injury, but I do go for a walk every day.

Hugs are very welcome also .

[Castaras]

Does your back injury prevent you from swimming? Exercise is really really good if you can find a way to do it.

Chocolate has chemicals in it to make you happier.

Having someone to talk to is really important for me. I have a learning support lady I speak to each week, and talk about anything.

Make sure you eat properly. Since I started having breakfast regularly I've found instant improvement in my mood.

Good night sleep, if at all possible. Get to bed at a reasonable time, read for a bit and konk out until an hour before you have to leave - then have breakfast, sort yerself out, and go off on magical adventures in the world.

[WarKitty]

People who act that way are usually insecure about something and have an overly developed need to control every conversation. If you don't act the way they expect, they try to bully you into complying with whatever behaviour they want. It's a sign of weakness, really.

Try calling them out on what they do in an overly friendly, advising way. "[Name], are you aware that the way you speak to me would be considered sexist by most people?" Said in a helpful, confidential tone. The way you would tell a two-year-old that it hurts the puppy when she hits it with a stick. Being a jerk, he will then deny being sexist and try to shift the blame on you. So you continue "I am sorry, I was just trying to help. You always seem to get so frustrated when we talk. Like when I don't look at you, and you immediately think I'm not listening. Why would you feel that way?" Ignore all accusations and steer the conversation back to the fact that they must be uncomfortable and you want to help. Act perplexed by what they want from you, after all, other people interact with you just fine and don't need constant confirmation that you're still paying attention. By the way, do give constant confirmation. "I hear you." "I am still listening." "I understand."

My experience is that this makes them so uncomfortable that they cut the crap really fast.

Of course, the problem might be that I'm really not listening, because what they're saying is stupid and I have no reason to want to hear is. Like if it's yet another "boys all want one thing lecture" - I'm not listening because the conversation is both inappropriate and dumb.

[Chen]

Of course, the problem might be that I'm really not listening, because what they're saying is stupid and I have no reason to want to hear is. Like if it's yet another "boys all want one thing lecture" - I'm not listening because the conversation is both inappropriate and dumb.

Well in such a case walking away or calling them out on inappropriate conversations at work is what you should be doing. Just sitting and pretending to listen is just making the situation worse since its causing more conflict, but in a passive-aggressive way.

[Aramyth]

Hey there, Playgrounders. I just got done taking my PSAT, and I don't think I did too well on it... Pretty bummed out...I've also been thinking about what I want to do after I get out of highschool, and I feel like I'm just being rushed along. It's strange to think that "these four years determine the rest of your life.", or so the staff at the school tells me... *sighs* Anyways, venting for a bit on here. I hope the rest of your days are going somewhat better.

[WarKitty]

Well in such a case walking away or calling them out on inappropriate conversations at work is what you should be doing. Just sitting and pretending to listen is just making the situation worse since its causing more conflict, but in a passive-aggressive way.

I'd love to. The issue is that (1) it's in my own space, (2) it's someone I need to be on at least decent terms with. So I think part of the problem is how do you deal with someone who behaves in a very entitled manner, where you need to be nice but you also don't want to waste hours listening to stupid stuff.

[sktarq]

Does your back injury prevent you from swimming? Exercise is really really good if you can find a way to do it.

Chocolate has chemicals in it to make you happier.

Having someone to talk to is really important for me. I have a learning support lady I speak to each week, and talk about anything.

Make sure you eat properly. Since I started having breakfast regularly I've found instant improvement in my mood.

Good night sleep, if at all possible. Get to bed at a reasonable time, read for a bit and konk out until an hour before you have to leave - then have breakfast, sort yerself out, and go off on magical adventures in the world.

All this is very true.
My 2cp add-ons. To help with the sleep cycle get a routine. Go to bed at the same time each night and set the alarm for the same time each morning. After a month or so the body will start "planning" for sleep and make this much easier to do and hold to.
As for food-This will sound like a bad mother but fresh veg helps a fair number of people. Lots of sugar highs and crashes doesn't help the situation does it?
As for exercise. Other non-back-hurting options include cycling and gym training. It isn't like you need a racing bike either a old 2nd hand 10-speed works just as well.

[rogueboy]

Hey there, Playgrounders. I just got done taking my PSAT, and I don't think I did too well on it... Pretty bummed out...I've also been thinking about what I want to do after I get out of highschool, and I feel like I'm just being rushed along. It's strange to think that "these four years determine the rest of your life.", or so the staff at the school tells me... *sighs* Anyways, venting for a bit on here. I hope the rest of your days are going somewhat better.

Sucks that you didn't do as well as you'd hoped, but I've got a few things for you, as someone who's gone through that phase semi-recently (I graduated high school in 2006, for reference).

First off, my recollection is that the PSAT doesn't really mean anything; it's the SAT and ACT that can have a significant impact on your college applications and possibly getting out of a few classes, depending on the school.

Secondly, I'm not sure which 4 years they're talking about (high school vs college), but they're wrong. It may influence the direction you go in the following 5 years, but it doesn't determine everything. For an example, I present myself: 4 years as an undergraduate in chemistry, before beginning a PhD program (also in chem) with plans of going into pharmaceutical research. In 3 years at the program, I went from PhD-track to MS-track to leaving without a degree, all by my own choice and changing what I wanted to do. I've now gone back to community college classes to get the prerequisites to apply to a pharmacy program, but even deciding on that took a couple months.

In short: you'll be fine. It sucks now, but it won't matter for long and you'll forget what you even got (on that note, I couldn't tell you what I scored on my GRE, let alone my SAT... and I'm not sure I knew what my PSAT score was a month after I took it).

[Taffimai]

Of course, the problem might be that I'm really not listening, because what they're saying is stupid and I have no reason to want to hear is. Like if it's yet another "boys all want one thing lecture" - I'm not listening because the conversation is both inappropriate and dumb.

I'd love to. The issue is that (1) it's in my own space, (2) it's someone I need to be on at least decent terms with. So I think part of the problem is how do you deal with someone who behaves in a very entitled manner, where you need to be nice but you also don't want to waste hours listening to stupid stuff.

Yeah, that's a real bummer. I don't know your work situation, but is there someone like an HR manager, or a senior colleague, who would have some influence over the jerk and who would be sensitive to the argument "these conversations are unwanted and take up so much time I'm less productive"? It might be smart to let someone know before his unsollicited heart-to-hearts become actual harrassment.

[Coidzor]

I'd love to. The issue is that (1) it's in my own space, (2) it's someone I need to be on at least decent terms with. So I think part of the problem is how do you deal with someone who behaves in a very entitled manner, where you need to be nice but you also don't want to waste hours listening to stupid stuff.

If they're able to freely violate you in it, it's not your space. Either it's your space and you can get them to leave you alone in it to at least some extent or it's not your space.

[Moriwen]

Exercise is quite difficult due to an old back injury, but I do go for a walk every day.

Have you checked out the Livestrong website? They have very good exercises for people who are restricted by a variety of injuries. I know a lot of women who use them after a C-section, since most abdominal workouts are no longer safe for them.

Glad to hear you're feeling at least slightly better. Keep us updated, OK?

[Laserlight]

Hey there, Playgrounders. I just got done taking my PSAT, and I don't think I did too well on it... Pretty bummed out...I've also been thinking about what I want to do after I get out of highschool, and I feel like I'm just being rushed along. It's strange to think that "these four years determine the rest of your life.", or so the staff at the school tells me... *sighs* Anyways, venting for a bit on here. I hope the rest of your days are going somewhat better.

PSAT really isn't all that important.

If you're overwhelmed by "too many choices", you may want to take aptitude tests; that will at least help you narrow it down a bit. If you like the looks of a profession, talk to a couple of people in that field and ask if they would recommend getting into it now. There are fields where the answer will be "It was great in 1990 but now, I couldn't recommend it".

But again, don't get too hung up on it. It's nothing unusual to change your college major.

Yeah, your next four years will determine the rest of your life, but so does EVERY year.

[WarKitty]

Yeah, that's a real bummer. I don't know your work situation, but is there someone like an HR manager, or a senior colleague, who would have some influence over the jerk and who would be sensitive to the argument "these conversations are unwanted and take up so much time I'm less productive"? It might be smart to let someone know before his unsollicited heart-to-hearts become actual harrassment.

Who said it was a work situation? It's not. I'm sorry I'm not giving more details but this account is fairly easy to connect to my real name.

[Malak'ai]

Does your back injury prevent you from swimming? Exercise is really really good if you can find a way to do it.

Chocolate has chemicals in it to make you happier.

Having someone to talk to is really important for me. I have a learning support lady I speak to each week, and talk about anything.

Make sure you eat properly. Since I started having breakfast regularly I've found instant improvement in my mood.

Good night sleep, if at all possible. Get to bed at a reasonable time, read for a bit and konk out until an hour before you have to leave - then have breakfast, sort yerself out, and go off on magical adventures in the world.

All this is very true.
My 2cp add-ons. To help with the sleep cycle get a routine. Go to bed at the same time each night and set the alarm for the same time each morning. After a month or so the body will start "planning" for sleep and make this much easier to do and hold to.
As for food-This will sound like a bad mother but fresh veg helps a fair number of people. Lots of sugar highs and crashes doesn't help the situation does it?
As for exercise. Other non-back-hurting options include cycling and gym training. It isn't like you need a racing bike either a old 2nd hand 10-speed works just as well.

The back injury doesn't prevent me from swimming. The fact I can't swim (I sink even while doggy-paddling) prevents me from swimming.
I also freak out if my head goes under water completely due to having almost drowned a couple of times .
And yes, riding a bike does aggravate my back, which sucks, because I like cycling.

I eat way too much chocolate as it is .

I do have a couple of people I can talk to, unfortunately, both have gone out of town for a couple of weeks... Can't talk to my father because he gets extremely uncomfortable talking about feelings. My mother... Well... She just gets in lecture mode.

What's a good night sleep? I haven't had a solid 8 hours sleep since I was 12.

Being unemployed (also something that's weighing heavily on my mind which doesn't help things) I do try to eat well, even if it is only 2 meals a day. Once of which isn't breakfast. I don't know why, but I just can't eat in the morning.

Have you checked out the Livestrong website? They have very good exercises for people who are restricted by a variety of injuries. I know a lot of women who use them after a C-section, since most abdominal workouts are no longer safe for them.

Glad to hear you're feeling at least slightly better. Keep us updated, OK?

Never knew it existed . Will take a look.

Been hiding under my duvet nearly all day, not good .

[Comrade]

I guess I have a woe worth ranting about. Well, it probably really isn't, but I figure maybe amidst a good vent I'll reach some Buddha-like revelation and solve my problem then and there. Maybe?

Spoiler

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[theangelJean]

Yeah, that's a real bummer. I don't know your work situation, but is there someone like an HR manager, or a senior colleague, who would have some influence over the jerk and who would be sensitive to the argument "these conversations are unwanted and take up so much time I'm less productive"? It might be smart to let someone know before his unsollicited heart-to-hearts become actual harrassment.

Who said it was a work situation? It's not. I'm sorry I'm not giving more details but this account is fairly easy to connect to my real name.

Sorry to hear that this is happening in a private setting, then. All the more aggravating if it really is a space that is supposed to be yours.

Passing on some advice that I've been given, but haven't really been able to put into practice myself yet (so I'm not sure how well it works): see if you can pick up the skill of diverting a conversation. I'm particularly bad at it, myself, so I tend to let other people lead a conversation unless I've something interesting to relate, but if someone has a bee in their bonnet and won't let go of a topic until they get you to agree or acknowledge them (which has happened to me a bit recently, though not as bad as your case), I'm told that 1) gentle non-committal phrases followed up with 2) changing the subject are the things to do. Personally I find even an "Uh huh" or a positive-inflected "Hmm" difficult if I don't agree (I'm a "sincere or not at all" person) but if there's no other way they're going to leave you alone, it's probably worth it. Something like "I'll keep that in mind" might work well - but also, it gives you an opening to change the subject (which I'm also not particularly good at :P).

I also realise I might have misinterpreted your situation. The feelings I was guessing at were more likely if he was the type of person who could momentarily make you agree with the scolding and feel like a child (I have a friend whose parents can guilt-trip her to tears, mainly on the basis of 25 years of practice at it). If you're feeling more like a rebellious teenager - annoyed, bored, resentful - that sounds perfectly reasonable given the circumstances, and I would only recommend that actively focussing on what you can do to get out of the conversation might take your mind off the irritation factor.

(I also wonder if "I understand that you want to help me, but I'd prefer if you didn't treat me as if I was 10" would change the situation ... not sure if it would make things better, or worse.)

[Taffimai]

Who said it was a work situation? It's not. I'm sorry I'm not giving more details but this account is fairly easy to connect to my real name.

That's right, you never said that. I guess I got confused by the fact that you can't just walk away and have to be nice to them. If this is someone who can invade your actual private environment as opposed to a cubicle at work, then I really feel for you, that is immensely stressful. I hope your circumstances change soon so you can move away from the oppressive neighbour/roommate/relative/whatever.

[Chen]

I'd love to. The issue is that (1) it's in my own space, (2) it's someone I need to be on at least decent terms with. So I think part of the problem is how do you deal with someone who behaves in a very entitled manner, where you need to be nice but you also don't want to waste hours listening to stupid stuff.

Hmm the fact that its not at work does change things. In such a case honest discussion could work. Tell him exactly how you feel about it. If they don't care or whatnot, then there's a couple of options. You could try more active listening while still ignoring them so that they don't really have the chance to scold you. Look at them, nod, say the random "uh huh" and such. Alternatively, reassess your need to be nice/polite to this person and then either let them have it or just ignore them completely. Clearly those options will likely come with other consequences.

[WarKitty]

Situation update: I again can't say a whole lot, but it's gotten to the point where words like "court" and "police" are starting to get involved. Which honestly may be an improvement.

I also realise I might have misinterpreted your situation. The feelings I was guessing at were more likely if he was the type of person who could momentarily make you agree with the scolding and feel like a child (I have a friend whose parents can guilt-trip her to tears, mainly on the basis of 25 years of practice at it). If you're feeling more like a rebellious teenager - annoyed, bored, resentful - that sounds perfectly reasonable given the circumstances, and I would only recommend that actively focussing on what you can do to get out of the conversation might take your mind off the irritation factor.

This is correct, plus the sort of arbitrariness that I associate with being a child. Basically I resent that things like "attitude" are coming up at all, and the feeling that I can be "punished" merely for displeasing someone else - and that someone else changes the rules merely because they don't like someone.

[Arcane_Snowman]

So... I've had a bit of a monkey-wrench thrown into my daily life. Though perhaps that's a bit of an understatement.
The Short of it: I almost got mugged the other day.

I'm already taking steps to deal with the after effects, I spoke with the police after the incident, and I'm going to be seeing a specialist within the next couple of days or so. Nonetheless I want to get this feeling off of my chest, even if just a little bit of it, and perhaps sharing what happened will help exercise some of it.

Spoiler: Long Story

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The other day I was heading home from the train station, having spent a good deal of the afternoon with some friends. I've got my headphones connected to my phone and I'm listening to some random music. As I turn down a dark street, I come across a couple of strangers, kids really, one of them saunters up to me and asks "got a smoke to spare?" Naturally, being a non-smoker I say no. "have you got some money to spare then?" Having no cash on me, and being disinclined to hand out money to strangers I reply as before. "prove it then" he tells me. Being me I ask him why, to which he replies "because I'm *expletive* mugging ya" At this point I'm concerned but nonetheless I comply, showing him my wallet which is empty. He looks disappointed, and I start getting hopeful that maybe I can just be left alone, but such was not to be because he asks me "what's your phone like then?", to which I lie that I don't possess one "what are you listening to then?" To which I answer "my Ipod". He requests to see it, to which I simply try to walk past him, saying "I'm really not interested.", he grabs a hold of my bag, whereupon, pretty scared at this point, I turn around and punch him.

All hell breaks loose, he's cursing his head off and his friends who were behind the both of his finally take notice, with the guy in front of me, there's three in total. They start threatening me, to which I start backing up, kick out as they try to get closer, I've got my steel-tipped boots on as I headed to my friends straight after work, so I figure they won't be up for much if I manage to hit them. I don't hit them though, and it's not really the main motive either, I'm just trying to back away enough to be able to get the hell out of there, but they're trying to surround me, though in vain. One of the others, presumably impatient with the lack of progress reaches into his pants and proclaims that he's got a knife, though my oncoming panic is abated when he fails to produce said weapon and instead chooses to try and hide his hand in his T-Shirt. A little while so passes of this back and forwards, me backing up, kicking at them as they try to close in.

With their lack of success, they decide to change tactics, groping the surroundings for anything which could constitute a weapon. Including a brief discussion as to whether or not they should break the bottle of alcohol one of them has. The best they can can get their hands on is a for sales sign, which they throw at me despite it's utter lack of aerodynamics. A little sign also gets tossed my way, but misses widely, I pick it up, throw it back at them and as they recoil I take the opportunity to leg it.

They decide to pursue me, and unfortunately I'm not the swiftest of people, knowing that I can't really outrun them, so I stop and turn around to face them. The first one to catch up on me grabs my shirt, which makes a slight tearing noise, but I don't pay it much mind as I start punching the guy in the hopes that he'll let me go. Doesn't happen and the two of us go down onto the road in a tangle of limbs, me hammering at him all the while. Soon his friend with the bottle catches up, and he yells at him to hit me in the head, but nothing comes of it as I tangle my legs with his, making it more than difficult to get his shot in, I think.

Finally, they break off as a car comes rolling down the street, shattering what little nerve they had left and they make their way back into the side street from which they came. I pick myself up, not much worse for wear, though I scraped my elbows and knee on the street and I'm feeling the effects of my body winding down as the effects of adrenaline starts to wear off. Unwilling to continue my walk home, I make it to the nearest gas station, where in my panicked stupor, the attendant manages to talk me into calling the police.

[BeethroBudkin07]

Spoiler

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Remember that plan I had to talk to my crush about how I felt about her and perhaps propose to hang out more often? Well, I had homed in on one of the only times I was sure I could see her. And guess what? She wasn't there at all. Seeing how I have no other means to talk to her, I'm pretty much stumped.

I'm just lost now. I know I can either hope to see her again through sheer luck or move on, but both options just seem wrong for several reasons. I don't know why, but life seems to be playing some sort of cruel joke with me. It's always been 'fall in love with someone, then get dumped/ignored/etc. the minute I try anything' in my life for some reason. I just don't get it...

Moving on just seems like it's leading to other situations of the same sort. As I haven't lived situations that have led to a relationship before, let alone a lasting one, I don't even know if romantic success is even a function implanted into my life's code. Everyone else has it, of course. But not me. I get squat.

As for hoping, it just seems like I'm grasping at straws for something so futile. Who knows, the next time I see her she'll probably have a boyfriend, thus making it quasi-impossible to get a truthful answer as to whether things could work out with her or not. Maybe she won't, but still...

I don't get it. Why does life drop such an obvious lead only to fake me out when I make the terrible mistake of actually following it? Why have her suddenly be single after months of not hearing from her if it's just to taunt me with how I'm so unable to even see her, let alone spend time with her. It's just so horribly cruel I don't even know why anyone hasn't even attempted to sue Life for whatever charges could be applied to mental constructs of the universe we live in.

What am I supposed to learn from this? That I should learn to give up and move on? I would if you hadn't made her single again, Life. (Also, I'm pretty sure I gave a rant about how I was sick to death of moving on in my previous post, so yeah. Screw you, Life.)

Also, schoolwork being piled on top of all this drama is making it quasi impossible for me to get anything done, be it schoolwork or even my personal projects, like my webcomic. This infuriates me a fair amount.

Just a bit of ranting on my current situation... you can give advice if you feel like it.

-BB07

[WarKitty]

Spoiler

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Remember that plan I had to talk to my crush about how I felt about her and perhaps propose to hang out more often? Well, I had homed in on one of the only times I was sure I could see her. And guess what? She wasn't there at all. Seeing how I have no other means to talk to her, I'm pretty much stumped.

I'm just lost now. I know I can either hope to see her again through sheer luck or move on, but both options just seem wrong for several reasons. I don't know why, but life seems to be playing some sort of cruel joke with me. It's always been 'fall in love with someone, then get dumped/ignored/etc. the minute I try anything' in my life for some reason. I just don't get it...

Moving on just seems like it's leading to other situations of the same sort. As I haven't lived situations that have led to a relationship before, let alone a lasting one, I don't even know if romantic success is even a function implanted into my life's code. Everyone else has it, of course. But not me. I get squat.

As for hoping, it just seems like I'm grasping at straws for something so futile. Who knows, the next time I see her she'll probably have a boyfriend, thus making it quasi-impossible to get a truthful answer as to whether things could work out with her or not. Maybe she won't, but still...

I don't get it. Why does life drop such an obvious lead only to fake me out when I make the terrible mistake of actually following it? Why have her suddenly be single after months of not hearing from her if it's just to taunt me with how I'm so unable to even see her, let alone spend time with her. It's just so horribly cruel I don't even know why anyone hasn't even attempted to sue Life for whatever charges could be applied to mental constructs of the universe we live in.

What am I supposed to learn from this? That I should learn to give up and move on? I would if you hadn't made her single again, Life. (Also, I'm pretty sure I gave a rant about how I was sick to death of moving on in my previous post, so yeah. Screw you, Life.)

Also, schoolwork being piled on top of all this drama is making it quasi impossible for me to get anything done, be it schoolwork or even my personal projects, like my webcomic. This infuriates me a fair amount.

Just a bit of ranting on my current situation... you can give advice if you feel like it.

-BB07

Just one quick comment - what sort of event are we talking about? As in, are we talking the sort of thing that someone might just not be feeling well one day and so they don't show up? Just make sure you don't run ahead of yourself here...

[BeethroBudkin07]

Well, it was a 24 hour event organized by my school's comic club (which I'm part of) where we were tasked to make a comic about a selected theme, which started from 7PM on Friday to 7PM on Saturday. I left at 1PM on Saturday when it seemed like she wouldn't really show up, and told one of my friends to say Hi to her if she did actually arrived after I had left.

It does make sense that perhaps something came up and she couldn't show up. Though, while it does justify her absence, it doesn't do much to change the situation I'm in, where I can't seem to figure out how to reach her now, since all the branches of communication are seemingly broken, if only accidentally.

EDIT: And since I didn't get any sleep, I ended up sleeping from about 2-3PM to 11PM. It's like everything is reversed now!

[Astral Avenger]

College work load compounded by a physics professor worth their weight in hazardous waste covered in diseased cow excrement. Seriously, this person couldn't do a worse job of teaching physics if they were getting paid to confuse the class. The class average on the last midterm was about 35%, while the other physics II class (different professor) averaged 76%. Guess who has two thumbs and switched lectures, This guy

Ah, ranting makes me feel so much better.

[inexorabletruth]

Ever have almost-it-all? Not almost have-it-all; that implies a near miss. But have you ever had all but one component of the perfect triad of family, career and health? It's a situation that brews a strange sense of longing and grief when you should otherwise be happy, and it generates a surreal feeling of loneliness because, seriously... how can you complain about having almost-it-all? Most people never even get that close, so it makes you sound spoiled and ungrateful, which isn't true. I'm neither spoiled nor ungrateful. I'm just... short of the mark. Like those old cartoon images of mules being led to work by dangling a carrot in front of them.


Tl;dr: I can either seem to get the family I want, or the career and health that I want, and it's making me nuts.

Spoiler

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Anyway... in my first marriage, I had a great career with all the accoutrements a great career provides: annual international vacations, beautiful sports cars, a charming and rustic house, an awesome stock portfolio, designer clothes, tons of friends, and a wife who was a former model. To top it off, I was in the best shape of my life. But the home-life was missing. Our marriage was loveless, and my wife didn't want children. I have wanted kids all my life... literally all my life. Even in elementary school, I only approached girls that I thought had the potential to be good wives and mothers (after graduating college of course).

Obviously, the first marriage failed. And everything crumbled with it. In my depression, I put up no fight during the divorce. She got the house, the car, the stock portfolio and nearly all the friends. I decided to pack up and leave the state to live in Texas, where I reside to this day. But doing so took me out of my market, and in the midst of a down economy, restarting with no client base was harder to do than I imagined. So, instead of earning 6 figures, I was bussing tables at a sandwich shop for minimum wage part-time, trying to figure out where it all went wrong: until I met my current wife. She's beautiful, charming, intelligent and full of all the hope I'd been missing in my life. We've stood side-by-side against the world ever since and our love hasn't so much as wavered through any adversity... even homelessness. We now have a beautiful son. He's so smart and strong, and I finally have the family I've always wanted. But now the career is missing, and the hard life I've lived since the divorce has left me broken physically. We live in a tiny 400 square foot apartment in a part of town that sees 911 sirens every night. I'm plagued by chronic back, neck and hip pain and thanks to our low-budget diet, I'm somehow poorly nourished and 45 lbs overweight at the same time. I'd get out of this crap neighborhood if only I could. But we don't have a car, so I need to live close to my service-industry job, which barely pays the bills. I've been offered management positions, but once they find out I don't have a car or license, the offers dry up. Apparently managers need cars. But I can't afford one, and my license was revoked years ago due to unpaid inspection sticker fines that I couldn't afford to pay. (Honestly, if I could afford to pay the tickets, I probably could've afforded to fix the car enough to get it to pass inspection.)

I finally have a family that is worthy of that 6-figure life... My son deserves to grow up in a neighborhood where he won't get sold drugs or shot at; he deserves a proper education and a backyard that doesn't occasionally have syringes in it. My wife deserves to have the nice things and see the wonderful places she never asks for. And I think I deserve to see a chiropractor for god's sake.

I've made some pre-new year's resolutions. I have three things I want from my life by 2014: I want my driver's license back; I want to get back down below 160 lbs; I want to get a better paying job or a promotion.

I've almost gotten my license. The government has finally accepted that I'm not a criminal; I'm just broke. So they're waiving all the fines and surcharges except one: driving without a license. If I pay that, I can get a driver's license again. Once I get that license, my mother-in-law will allow me to borrow her car when she's out of town as long as I leave it with a full tank of gas. And I've lost 12 lbs. If I have a license I can twist the truth about me having a car enough to get the promotion or job that I need to provide a future for my family. But that clock is ticking. The end of the year is coming up, and I'm still very far away from accomplishing most of my goals.

The timeline is not entirely self-imposed. My company is doing strange things that makes it look like they're selling, and my particular job is notably unnecessary. If they sell and the new buys hire the compulsory efficiency advisor, I could be unemployed again by spring. I'd like to be "up or out" before HR lowers the ax. Homelessness and unemployment isn't really an option now that we have a son. CPS would take him away, and frankly I'd rather die first.

I don't know if I'm asking for help, sympathy, wanting to be cheered on, or if I'm just whining. I just felt an overwhelming need to get these words out into the world.

P.S.
Why do some people put tl;dr at the end? If it's too long, who would read to the bottom anyway?

[Lea Plath]

Sibling fights shouldn't be this bad, should they? It seems every time we have a little fight, it escalates to blows. I've screwed up exams and all sorts before and I'm very lucky to have an amazing SO, a job doing the kinda work I want to do and a hobby I enjoy. However, she keeps insulting me and everything about me. My friends, my job, the fact I screwed up my exams, etc.

I think this time, though, we've gone beyond any kind of recovery. Ever. I've said things to her that I swore I would never say, and she has said the same back. We've kicked, punched, spat, the works.

I honestly don't know what to do. I just want to pack up and never see her again. Partly because of what she said, but partly the guilt of what I've said and the fight we had.

[TechnOkami]

~breathes in~

~breathes out~

Hi everyone. I've been having some serious thoughts as of late, and been generally in an... odd mood. Compared to me, most of everyone else's issues are probably far greater and more, oh, what's a good way to say it... they would hold more weight alone by themselves when compared to mine. But I need something/someone to turn to, and I don't particularly want to admit this to anybody I can talk with at the moment (partially because everyone is asleep and partially because I find it difficult to talk about my emotions with most people, especially when I have to string words together to form coherent sentence that don't stumble out of my mouth), so I've elected to talk here.

Read if you will. Please read this.

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Oh boy... where to begin... well, I think the core and current issue which is at the forefront of my mind at this very moment is whether I should continue college... logically, it's a good idea. Education = degree = better chance at getting higher paying work, ect. ect.. The thing is, and I don't really know how else to say this other than by just saying it... I don't like to learn. I have no love for learning outside of what interests me, and am naturally adverse to the idea of working. Typically this is where I would think someone would just tell me to suck it up, grow a pair and move on, but I need to finish explaining /why/ I am like this.

Rolling back the clock, say, to my grade school years, something I've always longed for is freedom. I wanted to have the ability to do what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted, and generally do my own thing on my timetables. Well, the thing is that my father also wanted the same thing for me, but by his terms and on his timetables and demands of efficiency and expectations. This in turn caused me to actually be pushed away from working and progression towards freedom because I felt like I was being forced to do so, and that the load of pressure my dad was placing upon my shoulders was too great. What happened was that I began to shut down, and clam up inside. I would run away, and not be able to explain why I was doing what I was doing (which, now, after some serious help from people I know); the question "What's wrong.", or "What's going on?" would be prevalent and recurring between the two of us throughout these years, as it progressed even to this day. Until recently, I've never been able to put it into words, but I finally can.

My father and I have been pushing against each other for so long that it caused the both of us to condition ourselves in very specific ways. I feel threatened, become exhausted and begin to shut down due to the stress. My father sees this as I'm not trying hard enough, which causes him to yell at me, get angry, and try to push and focus me in a direction, which in turn causes me to shut down further due to the fact that he's exerting more control and pressure onto me when what I desire is to be free of him. It developed and cemented itself so badly between us that, as I have had it explained to me, my father is scared of letting me go out into the world to be free despite wishing for me to be self-sufficient and free to do what I want, while I'm deathly afraid of taking that step towards freedom, yet all I want is my own personal freedom to do what I wish. Neither he nor I have been able to see this, and between the two of us, I think only I can see the full breadth of this.

From grade school, this has persisted between the two of us over an incredibly long period of time, for a good ten and a half years at least. Time has worn down at the two of us a lot, and I feel like my own time is running out. I'm currently in college, not doing very well in my studies. Being taught in traditional academic ways of teaching are taxing me emotionally and physically; school makes me feel tired all the time, learning about things I have absolutely no interest in (besides the two art classes I'm taking, but even then I don't study at all because it bores me to tears, and I see it as a stressor, so I'm adverse to even attempting to study, mostly because in order for me to study, I have to be in a place free of distraction, and studying alone to white lamplight. I absolutely detest doing so already, and I keep on seeing and feeling overwhelmingly that if I seriously wanted to study, do well in school, have a minimum of a 3.0 GPA, I would have no social life, and would not be able to do anything I found entertaining. I can't do that.).

Now, although I recognize the issue itself, I finally understand that shallow depressive feeling I have in my chest; it's not a lack of emotion or an extreme bout of apathy, but fear. Crippling fear that has its clutch around my heart.

My emotional issues, coupled with the fact that I've been so adverse to studying and learning, going to classes, trying to make something of myself in that sense has generally not been a very good combination of ingredients, and right now I feel like I'm pissing money away for no good reason at all. If I'm so adverse to doing this in the first place, why am I even bothering? If I'm not going to emerge out of college within a respectable amount of time (I would have to spend three more years @ my college to graduate, and I've spent two already), then why shouldn't I just drop out of college and attempt to work for a while, making money while living with my mom or something? It's what I want to do... but it's also the easy way out. I know that, but I don't want to feel miserable for three years attending college with the knowledge that I'm going to be broken and stressed out because of it... but it's what I need to do to progress, and take that step. I'm tired at the very aspect of it even being a possibility. I'm just tired of feeling so pressured to attend college and make something of myself when I've been deathly scared to admit anything, like me working toward an Art major without actually declaring it.

The only one who knows any of this is my girlfriend, and no one else to this extreme of an extent. I'm scared to admit this to my parents, mostly for how they will react to my depressing realization and proclamation, and... I don't know what to do. I don't feel as depressed anymore, just scared, deathly scared.

[Aedilred]

Stupid but stressful problem largely of my own making:

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Earlier this year I took a load of exams for a professional training course (which was very expensive and paid for effectively by my parents). I narrowly failed one of the exams, which was gutting as it was the first time I'd failed anything, but failing isn't uncommon so I re-sat that back in August and so long as I passed it I would still have a good overall result thanks to the other papers. I wasn't so happy with the way the re-sit seemed to go that I was supremely confident about having passed the second time, but I only needed to do a bit better and I thought that I probably had, so I was able to put it to the back of my mind for a couple of months.

Now, I remember being told that we were told the provisional date for the resit results was tomorrow (31st October) so I thought I'd check the results page this evening just to make sure it worked properly and I could still remember how to access it, rather than panic tomorrow if I couldn't get on. I eventually found the relevant page but it's now not showing any of my course results. Using a different view, I managed to see some of my course results but several of them (which I know I'd passed) are now missing and greyed out.

They have upgraded the system since I last used it regularly, so it might be to do with that, and since a new year has started for them I'm no longer a current student. Anyway, I went looking to check the date of the results being released and can't find any communication from the course provider that says when that is, even the provisional date. So now I'm panicked that the results have been released and I've failed again, that I've missed the announcement and the paper copy of them is still in the post... and I can't contact them to find out what's going on because it's the middle of the night, and I probably won't be able to sleep now until I know what's happened.

Edit: Resolved!

TechnOkami: I have read your woes and I sympathise but I can't think of anything useful to say. I was always quite academically-minded so undergraduate study came quite naturally and the only decisions of that nature I've had to make have been whether to do postgraduate study as well, so it's difficult for me to make judgments in this sort of situation. N.B. This is not to put you down or anything; higher education isn't for everyone and many people will be much more successful forgetting about it and doing something else. It's just that I'm really not the person to advise on whether that would be appropriate for you.

[TechnOkami]

Well, I'm glad somebody finally got back to me on this.

After showing what I posted here to my mom, I've opted to go back home, try working for a while, and take a step back from the academia. This'll last for a year, then I'll attend a Semester College near my home vs. a far away Quarter College (theoretically less demanding of my time and definitely less stressful).

I dunno, maybe I'll enjoy working in a low-stress environment.

[AtlanteanTroll]

Okay. So ... I really scared myself with a dream.

My college has something called Winter Term where we can pretty much do anything we want. I have this cool idea for a Studio Art/Art History Analysis thing, and I need my Art History prof. (who is amazing) to give me the sign. He's super nice and very energetic about what he does, so I don't know why, but I had a nightmare that when I went to meet with him (which should be tomorrow) that he shut me down and didn't even give me a chance to come up with a better idea.

(People have literally gotten away with "I want to go to Hawaii and do work" once they've gotten professors to help them flesh them out in to actual projects of merit.)

So yeah. I'm really scared to meet with my professor when, deep down, I guess I know I have no reason to. Hopefully this afternoon's class will put me straight.