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Thread: Personal Woes and Advice 3
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2013-11-12, 04:06 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2011
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
Didn't expect a follow-up on my last post.
Spoiler: Not-so casual racismWatched some news show yesterday on a channel that's got a lot of audience.
Tonight, the presenter apologies for a case of trolling among the filmed background audience. Turns out there's a guy making some weird gesture with his arm whenever he knows he's being filmed. "Huh. Just a guy who wants attention."
They explain the gesture is a sort of reverse Nazi salute, used by antisemitic jerks who don't want to get caught doing the regular salute (among which some minor celebrity, better known for his prejudice than for his talent, that I'll call A from now on), and morons who don't have a very good idea of what it stands for. "... surely, he's the latter? I didn't even know that specific gesture was a thing."
They explain the guy is some student who works on a Web TV and has a Twitter account where he made statements that may be interpreted as antisemitic. "... surely that's a poorly-made political statement, he can't really be antisemitic?"
And then, when asked about the incident, he explains it's a gesture against the system, and quotes directly A using some profanity, demonstrating he knew perfectly well what he did.
"... I... I think I preferred the oblivious concentration camp joke. Meep. "
Long story short: the guy went on TV, proceeded to make pseudo-Nazi salutes whenever he was on film, and made it clear his motivations were antisemitic.
I don't know how many guys there are out there like him, but I'm feeling nervous.
Originally Posted by on Dwarf Fortress succession gamesOriginally Posted by Dwarf Fortress 0.40.01 bugs
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2013-11-12, 04:14 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2013
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
I am quite sorry for the trouble. What's the troubles Armin?
Well, that is rather unpleasant. But this guy sounds like an extremist. And what I have noticed as a growing trend lately is that the majority of people tend to mock the most extreme movements and their sympathizers. So, I hope that assuages you at least a bit. There are unlikely to be very many people like this A and his/her follower. Yeah, there are crazy and extreme people all over the world, but these sort sounds like they are likely to be dismissed. You should be safe. I'm sorry that the world is in such a worrying state that such fears happen though. Not sure if it is warranted but hugs are always on offer.
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2013-11-12, 04:46 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2011
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- France
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
I'm aware this is an extremist, and I'm very unlikely to be personally attacked... but now I can't help but wonder how many people would hate me if they learnt of my origins, or just looking at my name. It's a little scary.
Yeah, I know I'm not the only minority who's victim of racism, far from it, and barely qualifies as I wasn't even attacked on an individual level. However, that still hurts, you know? Gee, you'd think my acts alone would give people plenty of reasons to hate me, yet they always focus on what I didn't and couldn't choose.
Thanks for the reply.Originally Posted by on Dwarf Fortress succession gamesOriginally Posted by Dwarf Fortress 0.40.01 bugs
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2013-11-12, 05:01 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2013
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- California
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
I know it wasn't aimed right at you, but still I tried to offer the most encouraging thing that I could consider, that people like that are more often mocked than listened to. I guess it doesn't do much for casual racism around the world, but I suppose one step at a time.
I don't really know how many people would be judgmental towards you for your minority. At least as far as people I talk to and deal with on a semi-regular basis, I rarely encounter anyone antisemitic or making comments like that. But I don't really know how it is for other countries, I'm sorry to say. And I'm glad to help out, if any of my rambling counts as helping.
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2013-11-12, 05:38 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2008
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- Xin-Shalast
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2013-11-13, 03:16 AM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2007
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
wait..there's a sneaky nazi salute?.. how do I not know this and mock it into infinity?.. the idea alone is kind of hilarious.
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2013-11-13, 04:08 AM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2011
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- France
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
College studentsSome people have too much free time.
I know, right? That moron just looked like he was stroking his arm in a very awkward manner. The only difference, apparently, is that in the sneaky version, your arm must be pointing down instead of up.
Thanks again. I think I'll just mock the guy for his dedicated but stupid ways of spending his free time and not think too much about his colleagues.Originally Posted by on Dwarf Fortress succession gamesOriginally Posted by Dwarf Fortress 0.40.01 bugs
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2013-11-13, 04:12 AM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2007
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2013-11-13, 06:44 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2012
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
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2013-11-13, 04:19 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2010
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2013-11-13, 04:26 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2008
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- UK
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
If you suspect that he is in the middle of an attempted suicide, yes. Even if it turns out to be a false alarm, the cops won't be annoyed. If he is only considering it and talking with you, do your best to calm him down until he's ready to seek out professional help as soon as is possible.
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2013-11-13, 04:34 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2010
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2013-11-13, 04:41 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2012
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- Italy
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
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2013-11-13, 04:55 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2005
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- Santa Barbara, CA
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
If not possible for you to get face to face with this person pronto, you can call a suicide hotline for your area to ask what they recommend.
And trained pros beat a bunch of random folks from all over the world via internetLast edited by sktarq; 2013-11-13 at 04:55 PM.
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2013-11-13, 05:08 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2010
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2013-11-13, 07:35 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2008
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- Seattle, WA
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
I would recommend doing so before it takes a turn for the worst. At the very least, they'll be able to give you a few options for how you can help prevent that turn, and it could save you a few minutes (or more - my dad volunteers at a crisis clinic, and I get the impression that there may be a hold time at certain times of day) in getting the right response mobilized if it does take a turn south.
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2013-11-13, 09:55 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2007
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
Agreed
There's a good chance that a local suicide hotline is able to tell you more than we do in terms of what to watch for, how to approach things and who to call, if they know anybody specific in the Police department who is best suited for this.
You lose nothing by calling them and stand to learn a thing or two, at worst. At best you'll be better prepared to manage the next crisis, whether it's a cry for attention or a cry for help, or both.
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2013-11-15, 02:10 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2013
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- California
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
Well...guess I'm in for a bit of an update...spoilering because...blargh. Reasons. Yeah reasons, that makes sense.
SpoilerWell, as far as life I guess things are well. School going okay, up to general stuff, no huge issues with family or stuff like that. But...well I guess I am not doing so well. No don't guess. I'm not. Just the last few days mostly. It's a lot of things. Some small things and some big things and I have just been almost perpetually depressed. My girlfriend is having some problems with certain friends, and I can't really help her out. Part of it is the distance, part of it is that one of the guys I hate, she's calls him her best friend but from everything I have heard about him he is a crap friend. And the other is kinda a friend, but a friend who definitely has strong feelings for her, and he won't stop with it, despite knowing she can't and won't be with him. And so naturally I don't care for him either. And I can't say all this to her, it just aggravates her more. So she tells me all this and I am helpless to console her or give advice and I can't even just listen to her vent well because I am fighting to keep thoughts she doesn't want to hear in. So yeah...nothing bad happening to me, but being so worried for her that it sucks. It doesn't matter that things will get better. It always just happens again with them.
Or one of my friends who constantly fights horrid depression, and I can't do anything for her either. Talking doesn't help her, just hanging out being a good friend isn't helping her. And there's not a lot she herself can do about it that she isn't already. So I see another update from her about how terrible she feels and worse, and she won't even respond to me messaging her, and it's the same helplessness, not able to help people very important to me and just being expected to accept that.
Not to mention all the small day to day reminders of all my doubts and regrets in life. I don't know if I will be able to get the money to move out to where my girlfriend is without her just deciding she can't wait anymore for me and moving on (we have discussed this, it is a possibility), my education online will take years to pay off after more years of failings, and just more. I'm subjected to all this constantly now. And then something happens to cheer me up again, but then again something comes around and I feel down once more. And now the risings back up are not being worth as much as they were before, and yet the depressing moments are still just as bad. The cycle has just gotten worse lately.
And I guess the worst part of it all is just how no one around me seems to have any hope or faith in anything. The aforementioned depressed friend, who I see frequently as well as her family, have clearly shown that they have no hope for things being good in this world at all. The only joy they seem to have is small moments with each other, and I see them often enough that I don;t see those moments lasting long usually. Another friend is just waiting for the world to fall apart more so he can just sit back and watch, that is how certain of it he is, all his other political and moral talk aside from just that. And even my grandma that I live with considers the fact that I am so doubtful of the world and wary and cynical to just mean that I am smart in this day and age. The only person that I consistently deal closely with that has a lot more hope and optimism in the world is my girlfriend, which is wonderful and helps, but I have already mentioned some of the problems I see her dealing with, plus recently these thoughts of her just going have made even this bit of hope seem flimsy. I just...I wish I didn't have to see all this and feel all this anymore. I'm not a suicide risk, I stay the heck away from those thoughts. But still some days....it just sucks.
I was very close to not writing all this. But I read the rules on the first page. Nothing is too small or inconsequential to be mentioned. So...yeah. Here is all this, to whoever read this far, and I thank you for even that much. I suppose most of this is all venting really, I'm not exactly looking for advice for the above mentioned situations. Maybe just a little advice on how I can stand this even a little longer please. If you can't that's fine. I'm not going anywhere. I already know the biggest bit of advice, speaking to a doctor. Sadly that just isn't possible right now. But I am taking steps to make it possible. So that is something. So...yeah. Done ranting now.
SpoilerNo really, I finished. No more to say. All worn out.
SpoilerI have no clue why you are opening these. Maybe just because i put them here.
SpoilerI've always wanted to do one of these. Sorry. Just had to once.:smallwearysmile: No more now, honestly.
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2013-11-15, 04:26 AM (ISO 8601)
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2013-11-15, 05:27 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2011
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
Guys.
Found out something about myself yesterday, and I need your insight.
So yesterday I had the opportunity to help someone in need, and I didn't. Afterwards, while I was thinking about it, I realised: I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel bad, or disturbed, or anything much of anything, really. Now, this is obviously not an ideal personality trait.
However. When I do help someone in whatever way, I have the tendency to feel really crappy afterwards. I'm always thinking Did I do the right thing? and Could I have done more? and thoughts like that. Second-guessing myself, basically.
So: why the hell would I feel depressed after helping someone, and not feel at least a bit bad when I could have helped someone, but didn't? (I should note: this isn't full-on depression; I'll just sit and stare into space for an hour or two, and then get on with my life. I've always been adept at compartmentalising and ignoring my emotions when I need to.) I mean, it's weird, right?
Anyway. I was raised to be kind and compassionate, and it's not as if I'll stop giving aid when it's in my power simply because I'm a bit blue afterwards. Just, maybe, this little quirk of mine is easily explainable.Awesome fremetar by wxdruid.
From the discomfort of truth there is only one refuge and that is ignorance. I do not need to be comfortable, and I will not take refuge. I demand to *know*.
So I guess I have an internets? | And a trophy. | And a music cookie (whatever that is).
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2013-11-15, 07:29 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2013
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
Not at all.
The truth is that you can't help everybody. If you try to help everybody, they will take all that you give them and more, until there is nothing left of you. Saying 'no' to helping somebody is not something you should feel bad about most of the time.
As for feeling bad about helping people: it happens. Don't think too much on it. I find this happens most often when it is a recurring situation and I know I'll be helping them out of the same trouble again later, in other words, when I am treating the symptom and not the problem. The question of 'could I have done more?' means that you probably have doubts about the effectiveness of your actions. Think it over, find what it is that is bothering you about it and try to help in a way that you feel is better.Hello, I'm Finlam: content creator for D&D5e and writer.
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2013-11-17, 05:49 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2010
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- The Primus Imperium
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
... I'm not even really sure how to start explaining how i feel right now, so I'm just gonna type it out and hope it sounds somewhat cohesive. The more time I spend learning about AI, and programming, and computer stuff for video game design, the more I'm convinced mom and dad would've been better off just... setting the money on fire.
I feel so worthless... I'm going for a degree I don't think I can get for a job I don't really want and I don't know why.
No, I know exactly why. Because mom and dad are convinced it's the right thing to do to go get a job I don't want because it'll give me money. And ya know, I feel awful just saying I'd prefer to starve with a job I love than hate something that puts food in my belly. Because there are plenty of people who'd kill to be in the position I'm in.
But I'd kill to get out of it.... well not literally, but you get the idea. I just want to stop. But that'd make the constant unending schooling even more of a waste. It never ends... I think that's the worst part. It just gets worse and worse every single ****ing semester and I just want it gone...
I just want it gone...
I want to write, that's it. I seriously want to either be a writer or starve to death. And I feel so alone... Maybe I should talk about what's been going on lately.
So, a week or so ago, I have a massive load of homework to do. Now, I've been screwing up all year - most of my assignments just never got done or turned in, and I just can't bring myself to care. So I end up in one week with an AI project, two linear algebra assignments, two java programs, and a partridge in a pear tree... oh and some stuff to do in levelling I never figured out how to do, move on.
When I go to do the project, I pretty much had to do the entire damn thing alone in three days. And I didn't find out my partner couldn't work on it until TWO ****ING HOURS before the thing was due. So at around midnight I'm slapping together this pathetic excuse for an A* pathfinding program, and have to skip like half of the damn project because I didn't know what we were supposed to be doing until the weekend before when I found out we could just do it text based... and now I'm just sick of this ****. Over and over it's like, work hard and get nothing for it at all except someone asking over and over if you're done yet.
And I said I'd give this girl some money so she could help herself out with a family situation that frankly sounds like hell, and I haven't, and I feel like there's misery smothering me all around and...
And... I... wow, i typed all that?... anyway, so I... have no idea what the hell else to say.
I just hate myself right now... If college years are supposed to be the best part of your life, I hope I get shot before I have to find out how bad the rest of it can get... And of course I feel horrible for thinking that, too, because others have it way worse than me.Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.
Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo.
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2013-11-17, 06:29 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2012
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- Virginia Beach VA
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
You want to be a writer, or you actually are a writer? How many words of fiction have you written in the last week? If you're not producing something like 3000 words per week, you're not going to make a living at it. That's two novels a year. Four would be better.
Even if you are a writer, you're probably not going to make a living at it for a while. I'd highly recommend having a career to keep you going until you have at least five novels published and the checks rolling in.
Whether the career matches your current college major, or something else, is a different discussion. There's no harm in changing majors, as long as you have some idea what you want to do (or "can stand doing"). Talk to people who are actually out in the world doing the job; don't just rely on what college classes are like, since they often don't reflect the real world.Junior, half orc paladin of the Order of St Dale the Intimidator: "Ah cain't abide no murderin' scoundrel."
Tactical Precepts: 1) Cause chaos, then exploit it; 2) No plan survives contact with...(sigh)...my subordinates.
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2013-11-18, 03:45 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2008
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- Seattle, WA
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
Before I get started, let me just say that I have no idea where this is going, but I need to at least write this out for myself. With that said...
I've started feeling like my happiness is a lie. Any time I'm with friends, classmates, working on classwork, something for my D&D campaign, or anything else that I can distract myself with, I'm in a good mood. And then whatever that thing was ends, and I'm left with this raw feeling of *empty*. I can't even decide if I'm depressed (not necessarily clinical) or just numb. I've spent the last 15 years of my life (since I was ~12, for anyone keeping score at home) masking my emotions, I'm afraid that it's gone far deeper than I'd thought.
And when a night hanging out with people ends, it takes very little time for me to return from the happy, joking, upbeat guy that hangs out with people to the solemn, mopey, if-I-have-to guy that has become more common. Example: tonight, I had dinner with family for my mom's birthday, and then hung out with friends playing board games for a few hours. Overall, almost 7 hours of hanging out with people I love being with, joking, and having a good time. After I dropped my friend off at his place at the end of the night, it took all of ~3 minutes for me to be back in mopey mode. Potential mitigating factors on that, of course: been up for 18 hours on 6 hours of sleep, played 2 hours of soccer this morning (great for stress relief, not so good for energy levels) and my knees have been bothering me all day.
Overall, I've been going through various up and down cycles (I'm a science nerd, so I'd describe it as overlapping sine waves - non-science people would probably describe as small fluctuations on a more general fluctuation). Obviously, I know this is typical, and so I know that it shouldn't bother me as much as it does. Then again, I have no idea how much other people deal with these cycles, so I can't really compare mine to the "normal."
And now I'm rambling, so I'm going to stop and go sleep. Not sure if this post is trying to get feedback, or just vent my recent frustrations.
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2013-11-18, 06:42 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2010
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
Let me ask you guys something:do you think this equivalent to drugging a person?
A friend just recently told me he sometimes 'spikes' drinks with herbal supplements like ginseng, shatavari, and some other crap either before or during a date to increase his likelihood of sleeping with the person.
For obvious reasons I lost about a million points of respect for this person. My morality obviously finds it very wrong but at the same time I find myself saying 'oh its not THAT bad'
Either way I am treating this as a "nunamabusiness" topic and avoiding the person.
What would you guys do?
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2013-11-18, 06:45 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2010
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
This is going to sound stupid but i'll say this: get outside. Start implementing an exercise routine for yourself. The ridiculous amounts of endorphins and other fun stuff released during and after will have you feeling like a confident fox.
---edit
I see you're doing soccer and complain about your knees. Try an hour of cardio on the elliptical. Push yourself and really feel it.
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2013-11-18, 07:03 AM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2007
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
oh, hell no!
yeah.. this is very much the same thing, if not in effectiveness, at least the intent is there.
1) if someone says this, you gotta wonder what he'd do if stronger methods were readily available and legal, and if it didn't engender rape scenarios, at least in legal terms.
2) he's not taking a blue pill to enhance his performance "just in case".. he's effectively trying to lower the date's inhibitions by giving stuff to her. He might have said "I try to get them drunk so I can get in their panties". If he'd done that, I'm guessing you would have less doubts.
it's wrong on pretty much every level short of actually raping someone.
3) the fact that he's dumb enough to believe that ginseng even works that way would also make me give him a wide berth. It's a bit like that joke where a guy laments that a potential pairing just wasn't written in the stars.. because she's a *insert horoscope reference of choice and he's not an idiot who believes in fairytales.
In short, just because he's not a very capable one, doesn't make him less of a creep. What he does is entirely wrong.
Now whether you want, can or should do something about it, that's another issue altogether. One which you should decide for yourself, I guess.
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2013-11-18, 01:45 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2012
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- Italy
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
So, I don't have any group instinct.
By that I mean, I don't have any desire to belong to a subculture or intellectual group. In fact, I find the idea ridicolous and I honestly marvel at how inevitable and natural it seems to be for other people.
I mean, it's pretty universal. Our entire human civilization, regardless of where and when, is based on this. Civilization itself as a term seems to imply this.
So why can't I understand it?
Don't get me wrong, I understand the practical purposes of grouping together. I understand the affective ones. What I don't understand is giving the group a name and a set of ideologies to follow. I don't understand how can anyone feel loyalty towards it.
Least of all I understand respect for authority figures. How can anyone look at another person and feel the need to do what it says? Or consider it superior to himself? And last but not least, I don't understand why anyone would want to tell other people what to do. I don't understand the need for power over other people's lives.
To me, it sounds like madness.
And yet obviously it's something incredibly common and understandable for most people, since our entire history is based on it.
I feel incredibly alienated by this.
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2013-11-18, 02:16 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2010
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
Humans are creatures of language. We have a tendency to label everything we see with a name, and then to assume whatever we see is an intrinsic property of that thing. This is why we have stereotypes, racism, sexism, etc etc, and it's why we have political groups, nations, culture, etc.
This extends to groups as well - we tend to assume that if you're part of a group, you believe everything that group professes, even if you don't. There's no reason, for instance, that a strategy lover can't (personally) hate Starcraft. But we tend to assume when we here 'strategy lover' that the person loves all strategy games, period.
People listen to authority figures because they believe they can be trusted. Authority figures give orders because they think they understand more than anyone else in the group and thus can make the best decisions. It's not complicated: we obey orders because we believe the person giving them knows what they're doing. Problem is, they don't always know what they're doing.
So in short, you're exactly right imhoHate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.
Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo.
When Gods Go To War comes out March 8th
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2013-11-18, 05:02 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2008
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Re: Personal Woes and Advice 3
I'd probably smack any of my friends who admitted to thinking like that as my first reaction, though it varies whether I'd call them stupid and the activity stupid before, during, or after the act of smacking.
For one thing, that's a horrible mindset. And for another, that's a horrible dangerous and irresponsible thing to do, since he has no way of knowing whether he's going to cause anaphylaxis or worse.
I mean, if he was just taking herbal supplements himself, the only person he's hurting is himself by flushing money down the toilet/urinal if he's taking conventional supplements. Secretly giving them to someone else in order to manipulate them into sex though? No. 12 gods no.
I think I'd have a moment of thought after the fallout as to wondering why he hadn't just graduated to actually drugging others, I suppose.