Iron Poet XIX

[TheWombatOfDoom]

My continued apologies. My father passed away suddenly about a week ago and I'll be travelling cross-country to be with my family for the next week or two.

Again, my apologies for not offering the poets more. I shall try to amend that in weeks to come.

I was worried that something was wrong, but I never imagined this. I truely am sorry. Your family is in my prayers.

[Alarra]

My continued apologies. My father passed away suddenly about a week ago and I'll be travelling cross-country to be with my family for the next week or two.

Oh gosh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. *gigantic hugs*

[Cuthalion]

My continued apologies. My father passed away suddenly about a week ago and I'll be travelling cross-country to be with my family for the next week or two.

Oh. I'm very sorry if I was pushing you at all. Condolences to the greatest measure for you and all your family. I'll be praying for you.

[The Extinguisher]

My continued apologies. My father passed away suddenly about a week ago and I'll be travelling cross-country to be with my family for the next week or two.

I'm so sorry. Take your time and don't worry about a silly little poetry contest. Family is far more important, especially in times like this.

[truemane]

Thanks everyone. Things are stable. There's just a lot to do. And it's a busy time of year to begin with.

I'm having a quiet day watching MLP with my lady. And I got a couple done. I'll post them as I do them.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

So, the question now is, since Elvaris is kinda poofed, and we have a ruling from two of the judges, when are we going to get the tie breaker for the three tied people? Are we going to search for another 3rd judge? Will Vaynor be weighing in?

[Vaynor]

Yes I will, hopefully by tomorrow. Sorry for the delays everyone! If there's anyone else here that would like to be our third judge, let me know. Or, if you strike out this round and want to continue on in a judging position that would be much appreciated.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

I don't mind the delays, so long as it isn't forever. We appreciate you have other obligations as much as we do (if not more so).

Any luck with finding a new judge? I know that many of the people in the contest perhaps might volenteer to become one once they know if they are still in the contest or not.

[truemane]

One more bracket done. Below is everything I've done so far.

Amidus Drexel vs. Dumbledore lives: Wane, vocal

Amidus Drexel
Untitled

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I was really excited for a minute there when I saw those semi-colons. I thought maybe you were going to give us some Norse-style verse with a nice heavy caesura in the middle of each line. That might not have saved this piece altogether, but it sure would have helped. But alas. Only three lines with those good heavy beats mid-line, and that's it.

Basically, there's not enough here to really tell a story, and what's here isn't packaged well enough to stand on its own. Your rythm is sorta-kinda Iambic. And most of the lines have seven or so syllables. But there's no real consistency.

And the content gives us sketches of a story, but not enough detail to sympathize with anyone, or divine anyone's motivations, or what's actually going on.

You got the prompts in there, but 'wane' in particular I think you could have embedded into theo piece a little deeper. What with the notion that things used to be cool but now they suck (because of the king, apparently), that in itself is a waning, and trying to work that in might have given the narrative some spine.

Dumbledore_lives
"Celebrity"

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First off, I like the title. I've always said that a poem's title should almost function as another line: that it should set things off, or reveal something, or make you think about something in a different way. By calling this piece celebrity, you focus our attention and make sure that we know what we're reading about going in.

Pretty good.

I like the lack of punctuation. That can be problematic, but in this case I think it matches the tone and the content.

The content is okay. I think we could have used some more detail on the 'God saved me' bit, or else leave it out entirely. As it is that part just sort of sticks there, taking up space without adding anything.

I could have used some more specific, visual images, to show us what things were like, and what they're like now, so we could have made our own conclusions and decided how to feel about it, instead of the narrator just telling us.

Verdict

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Dumbledore_lives. I was lukewarm on both pieces, but his piece had some depth of emotion.

The Extinguisher vs. Techwarrior: Robbery, established

The Extinguisher
"Pre Existing Condition"

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There's a lot of really good stuff in here.

I like the title, for a start. I've always felt that a poem's title should function, in a lot of ways, as another line in the poem. It should add to the piece, or reveal something about it, or cause you to think about the material in a certain way. Like a filter, yeah? And this one was excellent. Everyone knows what a 'Pre-existing condition' is and what it means. And if you don't, a quick google would reveal it. And it sets everything that comes after in a certain light. So that's good.

The lack of punctuation is an interesting and, I assume, deliberate choice. And it really works. It makes the thing feel ragged somehow, immediate, as though the narrator is too tired or frustrated to bother with anything so inconsequential as a comma. And, although this isn't always the case, the lack of punctuation emphasizes the effect of the structure.

Good use of prompts. Good use of refrains. I especially enjoyed the repetition at the end.

All good.

All the same, there's something missing that would taken it from 'pretty cool' to 'Shazam.'

There are a few things I could point to, but I'm not sure that any of them are actually what's missing.

I think what's missing is some strong emotion. Rage. Spite. Anger. Frustration. Exhaustion. Even in the 'bridge' toward the end, I don't FEEL the way the narrator bumps up against the medical establishment. The stuff that's there is okay, but we actually receive all that information in the title. So what we need here is how he FEELS about it. And it's not there.

The narrator mentions his family, but we don't see them or get any indication of what he's losing. It might have been nice to slip some images of care and laughter and love into the lines. Not as a focus, but as flavour.

He mentions not being able to breathe, but I don't get any real sense of what a prison that must be. Some short lines, or failing that, some shorter words, maybe forcing a staccato, uneven rhythm might have helped some.

But I liked it. One of the stronger entries this round.

Techwarrior

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No entry

Verdict

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The Extinguisher, by default, but it was a good piece, and probably would have taken the day anyway.

Dr Bwaa vs. Mainlander: Wit, implemented.

Dr Bwaa
Untitled

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It's clever. I like how you worked the prompts in as a actual line. I think that could have been the title, actually.

You do a good job of illustrating each device as you name it. Occupatio is a rhetorical device more than a literary one. But that's just semantics.

I'm not crazy about the way you just said each device. It feels artificial. You know how they say 'show, don't tell'? This is what I'm talking about. Instead of just putting a colon and naming the device, you could have worked it into the text in a more natural fashion. And working them into the text could have allowed you 'tell the story' rather than just list them.

Something along the lines of "Literary devices like alliteration are great for building better banter. But you want to avoid cliches like the plague and certainly don't write about occupatio."

That would have allowed some room to get some flow and some momentum going as well. This piece would have benefited from a smoother, more conversational tone.

The exception is satire. Naming that one, just like you did, is perfect.

So it's cute. I bet you had a pile of fun writing it. It was fun to read. I just felt like you kept shooting yourself in the foot.

Mainlander

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No entry.

Verdict

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Dr Bwaa

[Vaynor]

Sorry for the delays everyone.

Congratulations to our round one winners, hopefully those who got a bye round will have a challenger in the next one. If anyone who has been removed from the competition would like to judge, please let me know, we need one slot filled.

Amidus Drexel
Cuthalion
The Extinguisher
TheWombatofDoom
SaintRidley
bryn0528
Dr Bwaa
Benthesquid

Iron Poet XIX: Round 2

This rounds themes is portraits. Each pairing will be given a portrait of a person, who should be heavily featured in your poem (main character, subject, etc.). You can also use the picture for inspiration, but keep in mind that you are being assessed on your ability to utilize the prompt in your poem. The title of the picture and any description given should be ignored, use only the picture itself.

Cuthalion vs. Dr Bwaa
Benthesquid vs. The Extinguisher
SaintRidley vs. TheWombatofDoom
bryn0528 vs. Amidus Drexel

Deadline: Saturday, January 25th 2014 at 11:59pm (EST).

[Dimonite]

I'd be happy to judge!

[Vaynor]

Thank you! It is very much appreciated.

[Benthesquid]

My poem, it is written.

Spoiler: Hole in the Sky

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There is a place I like to lie
From there you can see
The hole in the sky.

"They say each cigarette steals
Eleven minutes off your life.
Days like these, it doesn't seem enough."

There is a place I like to rest
Breathe out the sorrows
From my weary breast.
From there you can see,
The hole in the sky.

"A train, of course, could steal
So much more than eleven minutes
Send me to a longer rest."

When I've a chance, I like to steal
Away from the guns
And the mud and steel
Breathe out the sorrows
From my weary breast
From there you can see
The hole in the sky.

"And yet, somehow, I find
That I always pull my head back
When I hear that distant rumble."

A beautiful hole in the sky
It calls me on up,
I dream I can fly
Away from the guns
And the mud and the steel
Breathe out the sorrows
From my weary breast
And live forever
If only I'll die.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Spoiler: comment

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Damn, nice one, Ben!

[truemane]

Comments in spoilers!

[/pedant]

[Dr Bwaa]

Spoiler: Not a Poem; just off-topic

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Man, this is taking longer than I thought. I'm starting to worry that I picked too ambitious a concept...

[SaintRidley]

Prompt

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Nox atra cava circumvolat umbra

Night surrounds you
in soft, dying light
a tenebrificous embrace
It clothes you
in voluminous layers
a gown of shifting shadows
of taffettas and silks
illumined by the bright jewel of the moon
My Caelum, your beauty sings loud
your voice stretches far
your touch meets all
our voices travel through you
and yet while we know you
and can peel back your layers and make
your most intimate secrets ours
you've never seen us
Even though you touch us
you speak to us
you look directly into my eyes
there is no recognition
no return of my loving gaze
no affection
nothing
How perfect this nothing
you give us this
nothing you are
nothing can pass through
nothing is tangible
I can feel your presence
and I can see you there
but you are not
and you do not feel or see
for the darkness and the light
both cloak you with their shadows

Note for after judgment:

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I really had a hard time finding any inspiration in this prompt. I wound up coming up with something at all after reading some Addison and Steele for a class that I wound up dropping this week anyway. Let's just go with this, because this is all I've got.

[Cuthalion]

Spoiler: Entry

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This candle here
It burns quite high
I have no fear
Here in the light

My golden hair
Is fair and bright
Is bright and fair
Here in the light

The dress I wear
Is soft and smooth
But people stare
Here in the light

My heart is sore
It heaves a sigh
I yearn for more
Here in the light

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Have been having a bunch of unforeseen issues this week, so I'm gonna use my extension today, so I'll try and have mine in by Noon tomorrow, 12 hours from midnight tonight.

[The Extinguisher]

Prompt

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"The Bitter End"

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The nights keep getting longer,
As summer turns to fall.
The nightmares will get stronger,
So I won't sleep at all.
The things I've done will haunt me,
Through every cigarette.
The ground below still wants me,
I’ll never pay this debt.

The last train from the city,
Hasn't run for years.
But maybe it will one day
Pass again through here.
Until that day, I'll be waiting

I've sometimes been a sinner,
I've never been a saint.
My future's getting dimmer,
And hope is growing faint.
I’ll never see salvation,
And I don’t really care
This abandon’d train station,
Means more to me than there.

The last train from the city,
Hasn't run for years.
And I know it will never
Pass again through here.
But still I'll wait, I'm still hoping.
But still I'll wait, for the end
Until that day, I'll be searching.
Until that day
The bitter end.

Good luck everyone!

[Amidus Drexel]

Prompt

Spoiler: Haves and Have-nots

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A knife, a can, a rice-paper fan
A chain, a drum, and a bottle of rum
A coat, a tire, some matches for fire
A string, a cape, and a new roll of tape

Grey hair, a locket, and a new sewn-in pocket
With wires and screws from an electrical socket
Blood, grime, and tar, and an old, aging heart;
These things I have in my coat and my cart!

A student, a teacher, a hell-raising preacher
A worker, a baker, a mover and shaker
An engine, a cog, and a man who would jog
A fire, a light, and a man who could fight

These things I once was, but I am no more
I live in a bus stop with no heating or door
The world was my oyster, but now is a shell
And all that I have is my story to tell

[Dr Bwaa]

Prompt

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Heavy Is A Halo

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|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|                                                                                                     |
|                                                wicked,                                              |
|                                          o                 e                                        |
|                                      s                         v                                    |
|                                                                   e                                 |
|                                p                                    r                               |
|                              o                                                                      |
|                            o            a    noose   ,                  w                           |
|                          l                 all      gold                  i                         |
|                                      my  soul  to  hang.  A                                         |
|                                     holy   circle,  given form              d                       |
|                                    is   still  a   leaden weight.                                   |
|                      O           A   so  young  girl,  too  slow              e                     |
|                                    of  wit--a damnèd foolish  child                                 |
|                                 should  be  disallowed   to   make                                  |
|                                a choice                        with                                 |
|                                   such   consequences great.    They                                |
|                                say I   am a Lady now, with all   the                                |
|                              trappings that entails, but only  have I                               |
|                   ,           myself   trapped; a choice made   in my                               |
|                                youth.  You promised me status,  wealth          ,                   |
|                              and fame  ,those  things  a child  would                               |
|                               want;    you never lied but then  again,                              |
|                               you      never told  the truth.   O wide                              |
|                               ,  eyes  nothing see at all, but   sink                               |
|                    ,          into a   future black. I listen   well                                |
|                               but do   not speak, nor  sleep,   drink           ,                   |
|                              nor eat.  I am sustained  alone   by faith                             |
|                             --I live,   but  am      unsated  , hear,                               |
|                              but  can    not  comprehend --  advise but                             |
|                             rank deceit   . Day after day I  contemplate     ,                      |
|                             the myst'ries  mortal and divine ,to isolate                            |
|                             that righteous song from out this whisp'ring                            |
|                            hiss. Did you not know what I would hear--tor-                           |
|                            mented  screams of damnèd souls? So  ever why                            |
|                            did  you  see fit to bring me into  this? The                            |
|                            voices  of  that gilded choir, who  ought  be                            |
|                            with  me  even now, I cannot hear  and  never                            |
|                             have;  they're    caught    in-side my throat.                          |
|                             Am I to blame?                You said they'd                           |
|                           come the moment                  I  assumed  my                           |
|                    role.  Is  it  my  fault,             unworthy  waif;                            |
|                   have   I  caused  them  to            choke?  My  duty's                          |
|                done with  pure intent despite  I    haven't  any  choice  :       this chain        |
|        that hangs around  my  neck  may never be removed. You  claim  it shows    my sacred         |
|     rank , true  purpose    ever  you  conceal: it opens  up  my  mind  to  you ,     to keep       |
|    me  so  abused.  I  stare  into   the  light and  still there's  no  one  gazing    back at me.  |
|  I  peer into the endless  void yet once again, there's nothing. You  asked me for a sacrifice      |
| to prove my soul; to  weigh  its  worth:  I--YOUAREABERTHA--gave it freely;  got  this  Hell,       |
|  ex-     changed   for  all   my  trusting--DAUGHTEROFMINE,--this voice; too strong,  but           |
|     how can ever such a voice be true? Is--SHADEANDOFLIGHT,--this some new fell sorcery,            |
|        that lays me down so low? Your mag--OFALLOTHERTHINGS.--ic's never gone so far, but     for   |
|         not one single moment do I trust--ATERRIBLESTORMBUILT--my baffled head  against,      oh    |
|            what   is this awful assault--BYDEMONSANDANGELSANDMEN--I am not whom you--               |
|            o!    this is--APPROACHESRIGHTNOWITSCOURSESETANDUNINTERRUPTABLE--I cannot                |
|         !         is there--YOUMUSTSEEYOURPEOPLETOSAFETYFROMTERRORANDHATE.--it is not               |
|          ,          will--THEYWILLDISTRUSTYOUANDFEARYOUANDMAKEYOUAMARTYR--whoever,                  |
|          o,        have mercy--YETTHEYSHALLOBEYYOURCOMMANDSWHENYOULEAD.--Mother  ,         o        |
|          my         blasted--MANYAREDAMNEDBUTSURVIVORSWILLLIVEBYYOURDOING--heart                    |
|                      my eye--QUIETYOURSPLITMIND----TODOWHATYOUMUSTBESTRONG--ah                      |
|         ,           soft,  --NOWTHISISYOURLABOR....THEPEOPLEMUSTJOINTHEM--my                        |
|                     labor? --TOGETHERASSINGULAR    FACESOFMORTALSUNITED--ah no,                     |
|                      there's--FACINGTHEDARKNESS    AWHOLECOMPLETEUNION--may yet                     |
|                   I see light--WITHNOONEABOVEOR    BELOWANYOTHERALL--oh, mercy,                     |
|                    is  this the--UNIFIEDEQUALLY,   COMMONINDIGNITY--can  this                       |
|                    thundering---WITHPEASANTSAND    KINGSASANYTWOMEN--this voice,                    |
|        be          a   divine --ANDNOONEBUT  YOU   MYABERTHAHAS--to use my name   ,                 |
|        oh          ,is it possible--FAITH          ENOUGHTOFOLLOW--but hold, what's        this     |
|        a             command?--ON  ALLTHATIASK      DETHRONETHE--dethrone; I'm not          a       |
|                      knave; I won't         be      LIARPRINCES--party to rebellion,                |
|                      what is a liar-                BRINGTHEMINTO--prince: and how                  |
|                      am I to know      ,            THELIGHTALLONE--what can I do?                  |
|         I           am      not                    ASFAMILY --the one to undertake                  |
|                     this task--                    TOSAVE     Go not; I need your                   |
|                  help,  I'm               only     THEM     a girl,  far too broken                 |
|                    to                  be      a   ALL                         leader.              |
|                                     Am I alone?                                                     |
|                                  No                                                                 |
|                                never.                                                               |
|                             I am a shell but not                                                    |
|                            alone; I'll see those                  liars                             |
|                           over-thrown,  and claim my             rightful                           |
|                          throne. By King of Kings, I am condoned; I'll hew fresh                    |
|                          empires from the stone, and make this ruined land my home.                 |
|                                                                                                     |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

For some reason, the <CODE> box clips arbitrarily, and way too small to see the whole poem, so I've included a more readable version in image form.

Spoiler: Readable Version

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Spoiler: Zoomed-out version

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Spoiler: Post-Judging Comments

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Wow; not doing anything this complex ever again; holy moly. And don't even get me started on how afwul it is trying to convince the forums to display this thing properly.

Just under the wire! Hopefully I didn't screw it up

Good luck everybody!

[Cuthalion]

Prompt

Spoiler

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Heavy Is A Halo

Spoiler

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|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|                                                                                                     |
|                                                wicked,                                              |
|                                          o                 e                                        |
|                                      s                         v                                    |
|                                                                   e                                 |
|                                p                                    r                               |
|                              o                                                                      |
|                            o            a    noose   ,                  w                           |
|                          l                 all      gold                  i                         |
|                                      my  soul  to  hang.  A                                         |
|                                     holy   circle,  given form              d                       |
|                                    is   still  a   leaden weight.                                   |
|                      O           A   so  young  girl,  too  slow              e                     |
|                                    of  wit--a damnèd foolish  child                                 |
|                                 should  be  disallowed   to   make                                  |
|                                a choice                        with                                 |
|                                   such   consequences great.    They                                |
|                                say I   am a Lady now, with all   the                                |
|                              trappings that entails, but only  have I                               |
|                   ,           myself   trapped; a choice made   in my                               |
|                                youth.  You promised me status,  wealth          ,                   |
|                              and fame  ,those  things  a child  would                               |
|                               want;    you never lied but then  again,                              |
|                               you      never told  the truth.   O wide                              |
|                               ,  eyes  nothing see at all, but   sink                               |
|                    ,          into a   future black. I listen   well                                |
|                               but do   not speak, nor  sleep,   drink           ,                   |
|                              nor eat.  I am sustained  alone   by faith                             |
|                             --I live,   but  am      unsated  , hear,                               |
|                              but  can    not  comprehend --  advise but                             |
|                             rank deceit   . Day after day I  contemplate     ,                      |
|                             the myst'ries  mortal and divine ,to isolate                            |
|                             that righteous song from out this whisp'ring                            |
|                            hiss. Did you not know what I would hear--tor-                           |
|                            mented  screams of damnèd souls? So  ever why                            |
|                            did  you  see fit to bring me into  this? The                            |
|                            voices  of  that gilded choir, who  ought  be                            |
|                            with  me  even now, I cannot hear  and  never                            |
|                             have;  they're    caught    in-side my throat.                          |
|                             Am I to blame?                You said they'd                           |
|                           come the moment                  I  assumed  my                           |
|                    role.  Is  it  my  fault,             unworthy  waif;                            |
|                   have   I  caused  them  to            choke?  My  duty's                          |
|                done with  pure intent despite  I    haven't  any  choice  :       this chain        |
|        that hangs around  my  neck  may never be removed. You  claim  it shows    my sacred         |
|     rank , true  purpose    ever  you  conceal: it opens  up  my  mind  to  you ,     to keep       |
|    me  so  abused.  I  stare  into   the  light and  still there's  no  one  gazing    back at me.  |
|  I  peer into the endless  void yet once again, there's nothing. You  asked me for a sacrifice      |
| to prove my soul; to  weigh  its  worth:  I--YOUAREABERTHA--gave it freely;  got  this  Hell,       |
|  ex-     changed   for  all   my  trusting--DAUGHTEROFMINE,--this voice; too strong,  but           |
|     how can ever such a voice be true? Is--SHADEANDOFLIGHT,--this some new fell sorcery,            |
|        that lays me down so low? Your mag--OFALLOTHERTHINGS.--ic's never gone so far, but     for   |
|         not one single moment do I trust--ATERRIBLESTORMBUILT--my baffled head  against,      oh    |
|            what   is this awful assault--BYDEMONSANDANGELSANDMEN--I am not whom you--               |
|            o!    this is--APPROACHESRIGHTNOWITSCOURSESETANDUNINTERRUPTABLE--I cannot                |
|         !         is there--YOUMUSTSEEYOURPEOPLETOSAFETYFROMTERRORANDHATE.--it is not               |
|          ,          will--THEYWILLDISTRUSTYOUANDFEARYOUANDMAKEYOUAMARTYR--whoever,                  |
|          o,        have mercy--YETTHEYSHALLOBEYYOURCOMMANDSWHENYOULEAD.--Mother  ,         o        |
|          my         blasted--MANYAREDAMNEDBUTSURVIVORSWILLLIVEBYYOURDOING--heart                    |
|                      my eye--QUIETYOURSPLITMIND----TODOWHATYOUMUSTBESTRONG--ah                      |
|         ,           soft,  --NOWTHISISYOURLABOR....THEPEOPLEMUSTJOINTHEM--my                        |
|                     labor? --TOGETHERASSINGULAR    FACESOFMORTALSUNITED--ah no,                     |
|                      there's--FACINGTHEDARKNESS    AWHOLECOMPLETEUNION--may yet                     |
|                   I see light--WITHNOONEABOVEOR    BELOWANYOTHERALL--oh, mercy,                     |
|                    is  this the--UNIFIEDEQUALLY,   COMMONINDIGNITY--can  this                       |
|                    thundering---WITHPEASANTSAND    KINGSASANYTWOMEN--this voice,                    |
|        be          a   divine --ANDNOONEBUT  YOU   MYABERTHAHAS--to use my name   ,                 |
|        oh          ,is it possible--FAITH          ENOUGHTOFOLLOW--but hold, what's        this     |
|        a             command?--ON  ALLTHATIASK      DETHRONETHE--dethrone; I'm not          a       |
|                      knave; I won't         be      LIARPRINCES--party to rebellion,                |
|                      what is a liar-                BRINGTHEMINTO--prince: and how                  |
|                      am I to know      ,            THELIGHTALLONE--what can I do?                  |
|         I           am      not                    ASFAMILY --the one to undertake                  |
|                     this task--                    TOSAVE     Go not; I need your                   |
|                  help,  I'm               only     THEM     a girl,  far too broken                 |
|                    to                  be      a   ALL                         leader.              |
|                                     Am I alone?                                                     |
|                                  No                                                                 |
|                                never.                                                               |
|                             I am a shell but not                                                    |
|                            alone; I'll see those                  liars                             |
|                           over-thrown,  and claim my             rightful                           |
|                          throne. By King of Kings, I am condoned; I'll hew fresh                    |
|                          empires from the stone, and make this ruined land my home.                 |
|                                                                                                     |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

For some reason, the <CODE> box clips arbitrarily, and way too small to see the whole poem, so I've included a more readable version in image form.

Spoiler: Readable Version

Show

Spoiler: Zoomed-out version

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Spoiler: Post-Judging Comments

Show

Wow; not doing anything this complex ever again; holy moly. And don't even get me started on how afwul it is trying to convince the forums to display this thing properly.

Just under the wire! Hopefully I didn't screw it up

Good luck everybody!

Spoiler: Comments

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Are you quite sure that's not over the top? I mean, I thought mine was pretty good, but that's an impressive poem.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Prompt

Spoiler: A Pair of Men

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A pair of men approached her
Both seeing different things.
One saw stone, both cracked and cold,
The other: bride fit for Kings.

They both came round to face her
one walked boldly, the other meek.
And after a stint of silence
the bold one began to speak.

"What man has carved this beauty
and why was it place here?"
Bold spoke his clear perception
but Meek found the comment queer.

"Sir, are you mad?" said Meek,
"Understand I must protest.
For even I cannot ignore
the rise and falling of her chest."

"Perhaps you are distracted
by her jewels that match her eyes
Their color deep as oceans
A color envied by the skies."

"Of course they match," said Bold,
"For they're both a stony gray.
Is this some joke?" he scoffed,
studying Meek with clear dismay.

Meek hesitated briefly
so Bold further inquired
"If she alive, why is she still
through all that has transpired?"

"Clearly she is enchanted
A curse from monstrous hag."
Meek saw a sadness 'bout her
and it caused his words to flag.

"I do not know her origin,
but it's clear she's polished stone.
The wind would shift her hair and clothes
as these moments have our own.

Bold then began to prod her
to further prove his case.
Meek gasped in open horror
as Bold's finger touched her face.

"This rudeness does not suit you."
Meek said with nostrils flared.
"Whatever spell entraps her
also leaves your eyes impaired."

Then Meek turned to the woman,
and said in sincere tone-
"I know not how to free you,
but I dare not leave you 'lone."

"I'm sorry for his actions,"
Meek gestured to his friend.
And Bold then interrupted:
"This farse, it is at end."

He then pushed Meek away from her
grasping firmly at his waist.
At first Meek was resistant
then resignation took it's place.

Meek then called out behind him-
"I will come back for you!"
A pair of men departed,
neither knowing which sight was true.

[truemane]

Wow. I have to say, that's a serious round. Not a dud in the bunch. Gonna be tough judging.

[Dr Bwaa]

Spoiler: Comments

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Are you quite sure that's not over the top? I mean, I thought mine was pretty good, but that's an impressive poem.

Spoiler: Comments

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Definitely over-the-top, but not necessarily any better for it

Wow. I have to say, that's a serious round. Not a dud in the bunch. Gonna be tough judging.

I have yet to get a chance to read everyone's, but now I'm really looking forward to it

[FinnLassie]

Dr Bwaa:

Spoiler

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That is some amazing stuff. I've always had plans of doing similar stuff, even testing out, but it's far too overwhelming for me. I'm still mesmerised by the shape, I've not managed to read the poem to its end at all yet.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

I'm so glad I was able to get it in, even if it was as under the wire as possible. The extension and 15 minute leeway saved my butt. Whew. I was typing it through the noon time period, so it just took me about 10 minutes to type.

[Amidus Drexel]

...No poem competing with mine?

...

Spoiler: Dr Bwaa

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Damn, that is impressive. Congratulations, sir.

[Dr Bwaa]

Iron Poet XIX: Round Two Submissions
Theme: Portraits

Cuthalion vs. Dr Bwaa (Prompt)
Benthesquid vs. The Extinguisher (Prompt)
SaintRidley vs TheWombatOfDoom (Prompt)
bryn0528 vs. Amidus Drexel (Prompt)

Spoiler

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Man, now that I've actually read everyone's, truemane was definitely right. What a strong round! Good luck everyone!

Spoiler

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Wow, thanks for all the compliments, everyone There's a lot in there, and I realize it's very dense. I appreciate you making the effort to read it all.