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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    RationalGoblin's Avatar

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    Default Help with a story!

    Well, like the title says, I need some help with a story I am writing. (well typing really, but that doesn't matter)

    I designed a android to be the main character.

    Basically in the future (about 100 years), of Nexus, (a paraell world to Earth) (about 100 years), S.I.D.D, (the original name for the android) begins as a computer program created by the millitary that the higher-ups later decided wasn't right for their current millitary tactics, so they sent an agent (I can't think of a good person to be the main antaginost) to shut him down. of course they forgot that S.I.D.D (I probrably need a better name) was designed to not be shut down or captured, and escapes by transferring his mind to another computer.

    S.I.D.D then realizes to survive, he needs a body. So he travels along the internet until he finds a cybernetics facility, takes over, and builds himself a body. (I also need help with this part.)

    Naturally the agent sent to destroy him is told to defeat and capture S.I.D.D in order to discover just how powerful he is.

    After a long fight, with S.I.D.D and the agent barely left standing, the agent finally defeats S.I.D.D and brings him to a millitary prison, disabling him. As they try to uncover his might, S.I.D.D discovers a strange dormant virus in the back of his programming, called the Avatar Virus.

    As a last-ditch resort, S.I.D.D activates the virus, giving him incredible speed, strength, toughness, intelligence, and near invinciblity. He destroys the prison and everything in it.

    However, this power comes at a price.

    S.I.D.D deems that the worlds leaders are stupid and corrupt, and that only he is intelligent enough to be a world leader, and S.I.D.D proceeds to build a android army to take over a country.

    Naturally, a few superheroes and super-powered millitary agents, take offense to this and try to shut him down.

    After a long battle, the last superhero defeats S.I.D.D and leaves him for dead. (Y'know, the wiring showing, half the limbs missing, and just plain beat up.) However, (this is where the story ends), with the last of his power, S.I.D.D gets up and hobbles away.

    That was the summary of my story.

    As you can see, I plainly need some help. Would anyone be kind enough to offer some critism? (bad or good)
    Rational Goblin Avatar by C-Lam. Thanks!

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    Halfling in the Playground
     
    DArKandEViL's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help with a story!

    I think that (no offense intended) the story is sorta , well stereotypical for a Android story. It just seems all to familiar to me. Also, how does the Avatar virus help the Android?

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    RationalGoblin's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help with a story!

    As I said,

    As a last-ditch resort, S.I.D.D activates the virus, giving him incredible speed, strength, toughness, intelligence, and near invinciblity. He destroys the prison and everything in it.


    The taking over the world or a country thing is sterotypical?

    Uh... well it's kinda of hard to be non-sterotypical with robot characters, except for some reason theirs no sterotypically cool android characters.

    How is it sterotypical?
    Rational Goblin Avatar by C-Lam. Thanks!

    Ixtlan, World of Exploration, my campaign setting. Currently on hiatus.

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    Halfling in the Playground
     
    DArKandEViL's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help with a story!

    What I mean by the virus thing is, Aren't viri (or whatever the plural word for virus is) overall bad? I think you should change it to something else like a emergency mode or something, because virus's, not any that I know of make anything better, so i think it might confuse one or more readers.

    The stereotypical thing is that most Androids were made super powerful, then shunned because it's too powerful, it goes mad and then it has tendency to destroy the world or claim it. I think there are a bunch of story which have a similar idea.

    Also What does S.I.D.D stand for?
    Last edited by DArKandEViL; 2006-12-28 at 04:22 PM.

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    RationalGoblin's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help with a story!

    Sentient Intuinitive Destroyer Defender.



    That's a good idea.

    S.I.D.D wasn't shunned, my lame plot called for the virus to just take over him and have power-lust.

    Plus, like you said to, I'm revising my story entirely and making him have only a little bit of power.
    Rational Goblin Avatar by C-Lam. Thanks!

    Ixtlan, World of Exploration, my campaign setting. Currently on hiatus.

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