Murphy must have been an epic diviner.

[Jade_Tarem]

How else could all those predictions have come true?

Seriously, the "Things I can't do while gaming thread" got me thinking about a similar type of list: Murphy's Law, adapted for DnD. There are many laws adapted to everyday life after the original "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong" rule, like "Everything good in life is illegal, immoral, or fattening" and "the repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before." I was wondering if anyone else had run into some rules of thumb in their games to make the old pessimist proud... Here are a few of mine, I'll post more later.

1. It's only funny until someone resurrects him...
2. The healer always goes first.
3. The nescessary and dramatic "long shot" will invariably crit fail.
4. The rogue will cry wolf one too many times.
5. The game always sides with the hidden flaw.
6. The game always sides with the undetected trap.
7. The DM always sides with the DM.
8. The doppleganger is always in the last place that you look - for the fifth time.
9. The hooded cloak is always bad news.
10. The glow and shrieks around the corner never involve the 4th of July.
11. The one girl willing to talk to you in the bar will have the Vow of Chastity feat.
12. The dragon always wakes up.
13. There is no nameless NPC that is not susceptible to bribes.
14. The eccentric old man is either a psychotic beggar or an epic caster. Either way, this won't end well.
15. If it's described as dark energy, it won't work for the party.
16. The sniper is always on the worst possible roof.
17. Most kingdoms have a nasty habit of locking up the treasuries.
18. You're never saving the princess from something temporary.
19. An army of barbarians can become an army of raging barbarians on any round.
20. Diplomacy never works if they're using siege weapons.
21. Diplomacy never works if they're on fire.
22. Diplomacy never works if they're dead.
23. Diplomacy never works on the DM.
24. Every class has an ability that will never be used.
25. Every race has a defining characteristic that can be mocked.
26. Rage tends to not work as an icebreaker in a civil discussion.
27. Niether does fireball.
28. No PC ever wishes for something balanced.
29. No PC ever gates in something balanced.
30. No good ever came from a team of gnomes and a bag of holding.
31. The BBEG is never interested in a sit-down debate.
32. The NPC's never need disguise checks.
33. The rogue always gets the blame.
34. The rogue is always to blame.
35. Nothing good ever started with "Ok, i'm going to use divine metamagic..."

See what you can come up with. Or not.. maybe it's too similar to the other list, but this one includes stuff in the game in general.

[danielf]

hehehe, nice :)

[Telok]

36. The spell Wraithstrike is a class ability of dragons.

No, really. I've never fought a dragon without it in the last three years.

[Ephraim]

36. The spell Wraithstrike is a class ability of dragons.

No, really. I've never fought a dragon without it in the last three years.

37. The spell Wraithstrike is a class ability of Telok's DM.

[Jarl]

19. An army of barbarians can become an army of raging barbarians on any round.

That gives me an idea...

-Oh, and 38. The Kobold your party just encountered alone in the blood-soaked dungeon isn't named Deekin. He's named Pun Pun.

[Jades]

39) Zane will ALWAYS betray the party.
40) First Door on the right always has something useful behind it.
41) Any door on the left spells doom.
42) Attempting to steal books from wizards is death
43) Consequences come of your actions. Especially if they advance the plot.
44) No, you can not redeem Vecna.

[Necomancer]

45)That chanting monk is probably a bad sign
46)When a sleeping goblin shouts "Shut up!" and manages to kill another goblin by throwing a pillow, its best to assume the sleeping goblin is not a normal one.
46)Pentagrams are never good.
47) If the chanting monk you just killed has his blood form into a pentagram it would have probably been a better idea just to pass him by.

I hope these qualify. All from one of my campaigns I ran. The goblin was a frenzied berserker with a nice huge con store, though he had -100 HP at one point so I decided he just exploded.

[krossbow]

48) whoever the BBEG is, he's never a level 20 fighter.
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[Shazzbaa]

A few for my fellow barbarians...
49) If you rage, you will wish you had your full AC.
50) If you do not rage, you will wish you had the extra hitpoints.
51) If you rage, your teammates will kill all the enemies in the next round. If you choose not to rage, the enemies will continue to prevail until you finally give in and rage, at which point they will die easily and you will wish you had saved it. This will especially happen if you only get one rage a day.
52) The above applies for pretty much anything you can only do once a day.
53) The cleric will always roll high on his "Cure Critical Wounds" spells after combat. He will always roll low when you're about to come out of rage and die.
54) If you forgot to check the door for traps, the door is trapped.
55) If you forgot to check the room for traps, the room is trapped.
56) If you forgot to include a rogue in your party, everything is trapped.
57) Lycanthrope PCs will always fail their control shape checks when their human form is most needed.
58) The NPC you decided to trust will betray you.

I'll probably have more later.

[Collin152]

39) Zane will ALWAYS betray the party.
40) First Door on the right always has something useful behind it.
41) Any door on the left spells doom.

So by slightly turning, you can put useful things behind every door?

[Jades]

So by slightly turning, you can put useful things behind every door?

Unfortunately, Spacial reasoning doesn't work that way, it all depends on how the map is facing my friend.

[The_Werebear]

59) The 50% miss chance will suceed 95% of the time for enemies, and 5% of the time for PCs.
60) If it can explode, it will at some point.
61) Cursed die spread the curse rapidly.

[Necomancer]

Ooh! i forgot the most important one
62) No matter how low it seems arcane spell failure translates into you failing your spells 90% of the time.

[Fizban]

63. Going down a dark alley is never a good idea.

[Jack_of_Spades]

64. Th efirst NPC you meet is important.
65. If you like him he's evil.
66. A 1 on a climb check is bad on a mountainside.
67. A warforged with adamantine body should not be tethered to the party while climbing a mountainside.
68. You know what? Don't climb mountains.

[Shazzbaa]

69) Rocks will fall, everyone will die.

[Valairn]

70) Just when you think your enemy is dead, his friends come to play.

[Neo]

71.) Regardless of what it says in the Manual, all solitary animals will have a pack of friends that arrive just as you attack or just as you kill it.

[Collin152]

Ooh! i forgot the most important one
62) No matter how low it seems arcane spell failure translates into you failing your spells 90% of the time.

Cool! 99% Arcane Failure, Here I come!

[Jack_of_Spades]

72. No, there isn't an explanation why only mages don't get armor. Deal with it.
73. Druids do everything. You don't.
74. Good drow die. That's why you don't see them often.
75. Don't try to use science in DnD; it only makes things worse.

[Khantalas]

76. Although the statistical chances of a natural 20 and a natural 1 are the same, the real chances of a natural 1 coming up on your dice is higher than the chances of a natural 20 coming up. Unfortunately for you, the reverse is true for the DM.

[Valairn]

77) Creatures will ALWAYS confirm criticals on you, you will ALWAYS fail your confirmation rolls.

[Mattarias, King.]

^ Ouch. So true.

78) The first time yo do something dramatic, you WILL botch it with a natural 1.

[Godhand]

79) Anytime you gain a big level, there's always a vampire waiting to give you a hug and kiss.
80) The minute you gain the perfect blend of magic spells is the minute a monster with an anti magic shell is walking around the corner.

[Halcyon_Dax]

Shazabaa, you have been sig'd

[A Pointy Object]

80.5: Where there's a will, there's probably a scheming necromancer nearby waiting to turn your unsuspecting party into his new minions.

[krossbow]

81.) You may NOT start hacking random parts off Vecna and attaching them to your body "to see what happens".

[X15lm204]

82) If you ever roll a natural 20 when performing an action that requires multiple skill checks, you will roll a 1 on the next one.

My Ninja character: I'm going to jump up the rotted stairs. Ooo, nat. 20!
DM: Nice! Make a Balance check to see if you land on your feet.
Me: Ack! Natural 1!
DM: You fall through the stairs as if the wood was made of dust. Make a Reflex save to try and grab something.
Me: W00T! another 20!
DM: Alright, you manage to grab a stone part of the floor instead of falling into the basement.
Me: I'm gonna use my super ninja-ness to jump back to where I started. I can only fail on a...son of a b!tch! another 1. I'm stuck prone in the basement with the frakking spider, aren't I?
DM: Actually, you happened to be right over the trapdoor to the sewers. The good news is, the...er...water you land in cushions your fall. The bad news is, you're prone, you've dropped your sword, and you're surrounded by angry-looking wererats.
Me: Well...sh!t.
DM: Oh yeah, you're drowning in that, too.

[Deathcow]

75. Don't try to use science in DnD; it only makes things worse.

Catgirls! Catgirls! Catgirls!

[krossbow]

Thats it, I'm adding a catgirl race to my D&D games; everytime someone in the game says something logical, a bolt of lightnight will randomly strike one of them. Wonder how long it will take for them to catch on...
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Buy No2