Moms and Dads in the Playground

[Aliquid]

Just found out our new due date is July 31, which happens to be the day after my birthday. It would be odd if we had the same birthday.

There is a 95% chance that the baby will not be born on the due date. So go ahead and make plans on that day

It looked like our first was going to be born on an interesting date (kinda like yours sharing your birthday), labor started that morning... but then the labor went on and on and on... and the baby didn't come out until early the next morning.

[FinnLassie]

It looked like our first was going to be born on an interesting date (kinda like yours sharing your birthday), labor started that morning... but then the labor went on and on and on... and the baby didn't come out until early the next morning.

My sister was in labour for about two days... Eep. I wonder what's the longest time someone's been doing the getting-the-baby-out job.

[Slylizard]

My sister was in labour for about two days... Eep. I wonder what's the longest time someone's been doing the getting-the-baby-out job.

My missus went into labour at approx 10pm on a Friday, our youngun was born at about 4pm (3:57) the Sunday... sooo (maths in head) about 42-odd hours?

Mind ours was born at 31 weeks (so 9 early) and the birth took so long because the doctors tried to delay it and because she didn't weigh enough to break the waters (that ended up happening manually). All in all a 'fun' situation.

Regardless, she's an incredibly smart and healthy 3 year old now and our less than usual (yet not unusual) circumstances taught me a few things:

1. All the lessons (pre-natal and such) aren't needed, we got by without. Your instincts will kick in, and your family will help. Not saying they aren't good or helpful... definitely go if you can, you'll feel more prepared. Just saying that despite everything, you'll somehow know what to do.
2. Opinions on what to feed them, how to have them sleep and so on are incredibly varied. We had people who hated breast-feeding and the opposite as well. Do what is right for you and your situation (so long as it's legal and all :P) and damn everyone else.
3. Kids bounce :P
4. Take every day as it comes. There will be great days, and days where you just want to get out. It's all worthwhile... plus the little things have some innate ability to know when you're at your wits end and throw you that smile, comment or hug you need when you need it the most.
5. You'll get it wrong, either because you are, or because someone tells you you are. As long as it doesn't kill the kid they'll be fine.

All in all, welcome to life's biggest adventure! Best thing I ever did!

[THAC0]

Congrats! I'm due with my first April 1st.

[Sylthia]

Congrats! I'm due with my first April 1st.

Congrats to you! Oddly, my mom's hoping for a boy, while my wife's mom is hoping for a girl. I'm hoping for a boy this round, for no other reason than to name him Leo. My wife really loves the name and it would be an appropriate birthday for such a name, unless he's born way early.

[Evandar]

All the warnings about sleep deprivation have convinced me to never have children. I will never, ever be able to function while that sleep deprived.

[Kiero]

I couldn’t disagree more.

I have personal experience with sleep training for two children, and I know many parents who have tried it as well. For some kids it has worked wonders, for others it didn’t really do much at all.

As an example, I know one child (at about 18 months) where putting them to bed took between 1 to 2 hours of hard work every night. Crying, fussing, freaking out about being put into crib, etc. After a couple weeks of sleep training, the bedtime routine dropped down to a pleasant 20 minute process of “feed, story, song, sleep”. The baby slept better through the night, and was more energetic and happy during the day.

Every kid is different; you have to find out what works best for yours. The problem is that too many parents have the mentality of “this worked for my child, therefore it must work for all children”

It's funny, because everyone I know of who does sleep training finds that they have to do it all over again every single time the child is ill, or if there's a disruption (like teething, birth of a sibling, going to school, moving house, etc). Not least because "controlled crying" always seemed to be a foundational part of it (thanks Gina Ford, for all your nonsense).

Does anyone else think that medical reccomendations have become somewhat lazy? I would like to know the chemical/biological reasons that a perent who smokes is more likely to crush thier child, and whether these are the same causes that an overweight guy will get diabetes, or a stressed guy will suffer heart problems.

They're all related to the same thing - people who are heavy sleepers or have respiratory impacts.

My sister was in labour for about two days... Eep. I wonder what's the longest time someone's been doing the getting-the-baby-out job.

It was 36 hours for our first, though "active labour" (the bit they actually count) was only 5 and a half at the end. For the second it was 11 hours all told, with less than 2 hours for the active bit.

All the warnings about sleep deprivation have convinced me to never have children. I will never, ever be able to function while that sleep deprived.

Sleep deprivation is something you get used to. After three years of the first, I'm not finding it much of a big deal this time around.

[Sylthia]

We've got our next doctor's appointment this Thursday. I think it's still a bit early to find out the gender, though.

[FallenGeek]

Well, Shekinah (another occasional poster here) and I will be expecting our first baby next July. We're both really excited, and I'm looking forward to raising a new generation of RPGers.

Thankfully we have a supportive family, and I'm sure Grandma doesn't mind watching the baby once every other week or so, so we can do a D&D session.

Congratulations Rez!

While I don't have the opportunity to do so with my daughter, my Dad told stories about bottlefeeding me at the game table when I was still an infant, so don't think you have to have grandma babysit between 2-9 months. :)

[inexorabletruth]

Thoughts on due date:

Our son is now 3 years old and our doctor recommended inducing labor. I always though that inducing labor was a last resort due to complications in pregnancy, but apparently, it's a growing trend. It allows you to schedule your delivery so that you can arrange time off and deliver the baby in a safe and controlled environment.

My wife and I owned a business back when she was 9 months in. We were able to prepare a manager for the store and send a notice out to our clientele that we would be unavailable for the day of the delivery. On the day of delivery, we drove calmly to the hospital with plenty of time to arrange a private room and get her an epidural. There was nothing hectic about the birth and the entire experience was controlled and relatively stress free. There were no complications from birth (aside from the fact that our son apparently isn't much of a crier and gave us some trouble when we needed him to purge the embryonic fluid).

I highly recommend it if both of you work and your schedules are stressful enough.

As for raising your child, I noticed that for the first 6 months my son felt more comfortable in the car seat than anywhere else. I think it has something to do with the feeling of security. So, if he has trouble sleeping, try tucking him into his car seat and strapping him in. For one, it will make sure he sleeps on his back, so he won't be as susceptible to SIDS, and you can put the car seat right next to the bed. Most infant car seats have a rounded bottom and can be used as rockers. So if he starts crying, you can just reach a hand down, give him a rock and check his bottle without even getting out of bed… which is handy, because they wake up every 2 hours.

Last but not least, I strongly recommend breast feeding and so will most doctors. Our son has grown up significantly stronger than most of our friends toddlers who grew up on formula. He can already roller skate, bicycle (with training wheels) and rock climb. He and I do push ups each morning as well… and I think the healthy diet and breast feeding had something to do with it. Apparently, a mother's breast milk somehow adapts to the child's needs. I don't understand the science behind it, but doctors and nurses all said this, so I assume it's true. And the results show that because we breast fed (using formula only as an emergency supplement) we have a healthy, ridiculously strong and clever son.

[jonc83]

I'm in the hospital with my wife who is having an induction right now.

Only advice I have this far is be prepared for a lot of waiting!

And, as this thread has already demonstrated, everyone has very strong opinions about what you should and shouldn't do and they aren't afraid to tell you.

[Sylthia]

Congratulations Rez!

While I don't have the opportunity to do so with my daughter, my Dad told stories about bottlefeeding me at the game table when I was still an infant, so don't think you have to have grandma babysit between 2-9 months. :)

That's always a possibility, but it would probably be best if there weren't babies at the table. I do try to keep distractions to a minimum when I DM.

Lately, we've been doing the game's at my mom's house anyway, since it's close to most of our group and has a big enough space. Do to various circumstances, our old spots for games aren't a possibility anymore. My wife and I currently live quite a drive away, and our other friend who hosted had to move out of his old apartment. But I'm lucky to have more or less the same group for the past 6 years.

I'm in the hospital with my wife who is having an induction right now.

Only advice I have this far is be prepared for a lot of waiting!

And, as this thread has already demonstrated, everyone has very strong opinions about what you should and shouldn't do and they aren't afraid to tell you.

Congrats!

[Brazen Shield]

Wow.... Lots of dad's here....

I'm working on my first now. Almost done cooking. I am not worried.

The greatest parents are always going to be the ones that try to be the greatest.

Do what you think is right. Don't do what you think is wrong. You're going to handle it in the only way you can: how you would handle it.

Want to read every book out there about babies? Do it.
Want to let your instincts take over? Do it.

But whatever you do, right or wrong, always try to be a Good Parent. That way, no matter what, at least you'll never worry about the reason why you did something.

[Humastic]

Just found out our new due date is July 31, which happens to be the day after my birthday. It would be odd if we had the same birthday.

I really do hope the date works out for you. My son was born on my birthday, it also happened to be fathers day. He is the best birthday gift I could ever imagine.
As a side note my wife had been in the hospital for a week due to minor complications. A nurse said to me, "It's Fathers Day you must be so happy."
When I responded with "It's also my Birthday."
My wife looked at me and said "I'm sorry, I didn't get you a present."
The doctor and nurse replied at the same time. "You just did!"

Sorry if this comes across as rambling, my eyes are filled with tears just remembering that moment.


OK back on topic.

Rezkeshdadesh this thread is a lot like what you will have to face in real life, everyone has an opinion of what is best for you and your baby.
Just listen to their advice and decide if it is right for you. There is always good advice and bad. Every situation and baby are different. What works for some will not work for others. Go with your heart and your gut feelings.
Yes, you will make mistakes! Learn from them, trust me you will learn quickly.

All I guarantee is that you will lose sleep and that the first time a poop escapes the diaper and goes all the way up the back of the babys sleeper you will wonder how such a small being can make such a big mess.

The best advice I can give you is if you do have a son, when changing him as soon as you take his diaper off cover his little tool with a cloth. Trust me just do it or you may be changing clothes and taking a shower.

[Humastic]

The greatest parents are always going to be the ones that try to be the greatest.

Do what you think is right. Don't do what you think is wrong. You're going to handle it in the only way you can: how you would handle it.

Want to read every book out there about babies? Do it.
Want to let your instincts take over? Do it.

But whatever you do, right or wrong, always try to be a Good Parent.

^^^^^^^^
Says it all.

[Sylthia]

I really do hope the date works out for you. My son was born on my birthday, it also happened to be fathers day. He is the best birthday gift I could ever imagine.
As a side note my wife had been in the hospital for a week due to minor complications. A nurse said to me, "It's Fathers Day you must be so happy."
When I responded with "It's also my Birthday."
My wife looked at me and said "I'm sorry, I didn't get you a present."
The doctor and nurse replied at the same time. "You just did!"

Sorry if this comes across as rambling, my eyes are filled with tears just remembering that moment.


OK back on topic.

Rezkeshdadesh this thread is a lot like what you will have to face in real life, everyone has an opinion of what is best for you and your baby.
Just listen to their advice and decide if it is right for you. There is always good advice and bad. Every situation and baby are different. What works for some will not work for others. Go with your heart and your gut feelings.
Yes, you will make mistakes! Learn from them, trust me you will learn quickly.

All I guarantee is that you will lose sleep and that the first time a poop escapes the diaper and goes all the way up the back of the babys sleeper you will wonder how such a small being can make such a big mess.

The best advice I can give you is if you do have a son, when changing him as soon as you take his diaper off cover his little tool with a cloth. Trust me just do it or you may be changing clothes and taking a shower.

Funny you should mention poop sliding down the back. My niece did that when I visited her earlier this month.

[inexorabletruth]

We never had any sliding poop. But we did have to deal with cannon poop frequently. The furthest my son launched a poop from his butt was six feet. It stopped when it hammered into the wall like Wile E. Coyote riding rocket skates into a cliff.

We learned how to change him from the side.

[danzibr]

I'm a father of 2. My son just turned 3, daughter about to turn 1.

Suggestions:

• Get the epidural. An all-natural birth is admirable, but not worth it, at least for the first birth.
  To justify this, my wife and I were insistent upon getting no epidural for our first birth. She went into labor about 8:00 am, didn't deliver under 6:00 am the next day, so 22-hour labor (contractions actually started 9:00 pm the night before, so 33 hours from start to finish). Had she gotten an epidural, we both could've got some sleep that night, and everything would've been MUCH better when my son actually arrived. Instead, we were dead tired with a newborn.
  Second birth was also all-natural, but so fast there was no time for an epidural.
• The first several poops (meconium) is really disgusting. It's super sticky, like tar. Totally natural, just don't let it take you by surprise.
• Don't let the nurses boss you around. Or the doctors. They say the baby needs to eat every 3 hours on the nose (at least where I'm from): that's bull. When your baby is hungry, your baby will let you know. If you baby wants to sleep 5 hours, let your baby sleep 5 hours.
• Insist you and your wife be with your baby at all times, her likely in a wheelchair. When the baby gets checked up and everything.
• Speaking of which, it takes a surprisingly long time for them to do the first stuff, cleaning and weighing and measuring and whatever.

That's all that comes to mind right now.

[Joran]

Father of 2, Daughter is 3, Son is 1.

For baby gear, my recommendations:

1) Buy a Pack N' Play (generic name is a Play Yard), with bassinet attachment, as your bassinet. You're going to want one anyway if you want to take your kid somewhere within the first year and it's easily collapsible and moveable. Basic one is fine; I don't trust the changing tables on those things.

2) Buy a co-sleeping bassinet, even if you don't plan on co-sleeping. It can be placed on your other bassinet, leaving room for wipes/clothes/etc. It's also very mobile, so we were able to bring it to the living room whenever the baby was down there and not have to bring the whole bassinet.

3) Changing pad: You're going to want a nicely cushioned one. We've used it for the kid up to age 2.5. For my first kid, I tried to go without and she wasn't happy.

4) Swaddlers: Swaddling is the best thing ever; however, it requires a fair bit of manual dexterity, which is impossible when you're sleep deprived. Buy a couple swaddling things with velcro (we used the Swaddle-Me). Makes swaddling so much easier.

5) Breastfeeding supplies (if you can breastfeed): Breastfeeding pillows are a must as is a healthy supply of lanolin.

6) Try to check out your local hospital for resources. Our local hospital had a great tour, a pretty good birthing class, and a nice nurse-led breastfeeding support class.

[valadil]

We just had number two last friday. Extremely tired but it's not as bad as I was expecting. The first time around we had to learn how to be parents. This time we're not picking up any new skills, just upping our workload.

[Grinner]

We just had number two last friday. Extremely tired but it's not as bad as I was expecting. The first time around we had to learn how to be parents. This time we're not picking up any new skills, just upping our workload.

You have my condolences.

[Joran]

We just had number two last friday. Extremely tired but it's not as bad as I was expecting. The first time around we had to learn how to be parents. This time we're not picking up any new skills, just upping our workload.

It gets worse once the second kid starts being able to move. I'm so tired all the time now ;_;

[Humastic]

It gets worse once the second kid starts being able to move. I'm so tired all the time now ;_;

Quick, aren't they. Turn your head for one sec and they can be 20 Ft away.

[Sylthia]

I'm grateful to have such a large family, I'm already getting hand-me-downs. We're getting a car seat and stroller from my cousin tomorrow.

[Brazen Shield]

I know that feeling!

I don't have a large family (there's only about 15 of us altogether) but my oldersister has a three-year-old.
So far I've gotten from her a bassinet, crib, stroller, car seat, about $400 worth of baby/newborn clothing including socks and mittens, a really popular and exspensive breast pump, and she works for Huggies! So we've got all the diapers we'll need for the next year or so.

All in all, great timing on my part XD.

Having a supportive family is awesome, but even then if I had to I could've come up with all that stuff on my own.
I just want to be a good parent: the stuff isn't as important. That's why I'm not freaking out about most of my stuff being hand-me-downs.

[Trog]

Advice? Sure. I have some advice. Very important.

What you need to do, see...

is to prep the clean diaper so it's all set to go, see?
Then you undo the fasteners on the side of the soiled diaper so that's ready to come off nice and easy.
Then you use the clean one to shield yourself when you pull off the old one off keeping a constant barrier between you and your child.

Raised two boys. Changed countless diapers. Never got peed on once.

[Gwynfrid]

We're planning to breast feed unless for some reason we can't.

We may have the baby sleep in our room at first, but definitely not in our bed. I've seen first hand what that can do. Having to perform an autopsy on a baby is one of the saddest things I've had to do in my short career as a doctor.

Father of 3 here. I have no opinion on whether breastfeeding is really that much better for the baby, studies contradict each other all the time. What I can tell you from experience is that breastfeeding is great for parents. Breastfeeding helps alleviate the effects of the interrupted sleep because it can save you from getting up and staying up. For best benefits, have the crib next to your bed, within arm's reach. Then you can take the baby, have him/her fed and back in the crib without having to get up (and warm up the bottle etc). The simple fact of not getting out of bed makes it way easier for you & the breastfeeding mother to get back to sleep after you're done. In my experience (we did this on the 2nd and 3rd baby) the interrupted nights are way, way easier to handle as a result.

Oh, and much more important than any technical advice: Stay at home with the mother and baby as long as you can. If mommy & baby are fine: This is precious, unforgettable time. Enjoy the heck out of it! If mommy is exhausted / suffering / grumpy / anxious: She needs you more than at any other time. Be there.

[Sylthia]

We're a bit miffed today. We were under the impression we were getting an ultrasound and finding out the gender today, but I guess we have to wait about a month more.

[inexorabletruth]

Aw. What a disappointment. What's the hold up?

[Sylthia]

Aw. What a disappointment. What's the hold up?

They told us they could do an ultrasound, but the tech had already left for the day. Our insurance won't pay for one, yet, since they like to space them out.

We could schedule another appointment for an ultrasound before-hand, but would have to pay out of pocket, but the price-range we got was anywhere from $50 to over a thousand dollars. So, we'll probably end up waiting until next month. Even if we wanted to, I'm on call 50% of the time, so it's hard to fit into our schedule, since we only have one car.

The ironic thing is, I'm a doctor, and I know how to use an ultrasound, so I could do it myself, if I had access to the proper equipment.