101 Things to Do With a Dead Tarrasque

[Falcon X]

101 Things to Do With a Dead Tarrasque would be an interesting title for a cooking book...

Lolz. Could only market it to geeks, but I't does sound like a great title for a cook book.

[Spore]

Lolz. Could only market it to geeks, but I't does sound like a great title for a cook book.

Make it a real cook book and find 101 contrived ways on to why you ran out on Tarrasque meat and have to use Beef/Chicken/etc.

[Slipperychicken]

Here's an idea:

After making the Tarrasque into your thrall, get it to equip a Nipple Clamp of Exquisite Pain (BoVD, 8000gp), then you can chop off and eat its regenerating meat without angering it, instead giving it extreme pleasure. You could also use this to harvest Ambrosia (Liquid Pleasure) from it. You can then have it battle alongside you when needed, then harvest Tarrasque meat and ambrosia between fights.

Make it a real cook book and find 101 contrived ways on to why you ran out on Tarrasque meat and have to use Beef/Chicken/etc.

For the story of how you ran out of Tarrasque? Make it a whole story full of intrigue, high hopes, and backstabbing.

[AstralFire]

Nipple clamps on Tarrasques is a phase which no thread should ever reach.

[Zubrowka74]

Turn it into a stage prop for an on-the-road mime show ?

[Annos]

1. Mind Control it.
2. Do the ritual to make it a dragonborn.
3. Have it bitten by a were-creature, make it fail it's save.
4. Sit back, smile, and watch the world burn.

Dragonborn template doesn't make a creature Humanoid. The creature keeps its base type.

[illyahr]

Dragonborn template doesn't make a creature Humanoid. The creature keeps its base type.

This is all I have to say.

[Falcon X]

Nipple clamps on Tarrasques is a phase which no thread should ever reach.

As much as I hate to say it, Nipple Clamps on the Tarrasque are one of the major useful things I'm going to go away from this thread with. Not just because it's seared with pain into my head, but that it's genuinely useful.

[Socratov]

1) Build giant hamster wheel out of nigh-indestructible material around KOed Tarrasque. Perhaps a custom barred forcecage? Research making gears out of force and suspending them on immovable rods.
2) Permanent Image giant chunk of meat in front of wheel. Make sure there's an olfactory component of wafting bacon.
3) Permanent Invisibility the giant hamster wheel.
4) Extend axle of giant hamster wheel into your frictionless gears of force.
5) Screen the area with the gears so all big T can see, smell, and hear is that delicious pile of bacon right in front of him.
6) You have a permanently hungry, never-tiring (it only rests once it has eaten), rather stupid, regenerating monster hooked up to a perfect power transferrence mechanism. Fill the hamster wheel with mind fog and craft custom immunity-bypassing dominate manacles if you're really worried about it figuring out the illusion.
7) Do something with all your free energy. Maybe use the experience from taking out big T for 21st level and epic spellcasting, then power a mythal with your contraption (significantly mitigating the casting DC) and ban all disintegrate and disjunction effects from the area. Do whatever else you want, at the end of the day no matter what you do with it you're doing it with the most badass hamster wheel in the multiverse.

that, is one of the most efficient things I have ever heard about.

1. Tame it
2. Name it Fluffy
3. Put it on a demi plane that has a giant doghouse and bacon bushes
4. Whenever you are attacked threaten people with Fluffy
5. When they inevitably attack you, sick fluffy on them with a Gate spell
6. After Fluffy kills your attackers talk to it in that weird baby voice pet owners tend to (even though we hate when other people do it)
7. PROFIT

Wow! I would totally do that (I practised all my youth on doing this to Irish Wolfhounds... )

Sell it to a powerfull groups of wizzards wait a few years then watch as the army of weretarrasques or Anthropomorphic tarrasqueses or what ever abomination eventually is created takes over the world.

Or you could move it to Australia... Just sayin'

[nedz]

Nipple clamps on Tarrasques is a phase which no thread should ever reach.

Do Tarrasques even have nipples ?
Citation please ?

[Slipperychicken]

Do Tarrasques even have nipples ?
Citation please ?

If you want to get RAW about it.. the item requires merely that it be worn (not specifying a body part), and is explicitly a ring.

Nipple Clamp of Exquisite Pain:
The wearer of this ring is immune to debilitating pain effects such as the circle of nausea spell. He is also immune to the wrack spell. He is not immune to actual damage described as pain, such as that found in eyes of the zombie, however. The clamp converts all pain into a pleasurable sensation. This item does not change how or whether the character takes damage, but it does change how he might react to it.

As to where a tarrasque would wear it, magic items do resize to fit their wearers

[erasedisknow]

hug him/her/them/it! then find a way to domesticate it before it wakes up. Maybe commit shennanigans related to time travel and go to when the Tarrasque was created, True Mind Swap with Big T's creator, program a code of some kind into Big T that will domesticate him instantly. TMS back into your real body and head back to your own time, wait for Big T to wake up, use code you programmed in to domesticate him.

[erasedisknow]

Do Tarrasques even have nipples ?
Citation please ?

Not according to the art in the Monster Manual for 4e. (It was nearest to my computer.)