A Tea Party For The Post Apocalypse II (IC): Truth and Beauty

[Thanqol]

A man without tea in him is incapable of understanding truth and beauty

- Okakura Kakuzo

A Tea Party For The Post Apocalypse

IC Thread 1
IC Thread 2
OOC Thread 1
OOC Thread 2
OOC Thread 3


A HREC mission to speak to the survivors of Vault 73 turned out to be a Republic of Bear ambush. The battle was looking nasty right up until the Pegasus Enclave intervened, burying the stable and surrounding mountain under an immense snowstorm. Now the survivors of the HREC expedition are trying to make their way home, navigating an Arctic wasteland that was lethal even before the world ended...

[Thanqol]

This is the story of a pony named Black Box.

Black Box worked for the Ministry of Peace in a big building where he was employee number 427. Employee number 427's job was simple. He sat in the archive room of the library and whenever one of the real researchers gave him something to file, he catalogued it, sorted it, and placed it in the archive where it needed to go. This is what employee number 427 did every day of every month of every year. And although some may have considered this job soul-rending, Black Box relished every moment that the filing came in. His cutie mark had been made exactly for this job. And Black Box was happy.

However, Black Box had a problem. A dark and secret problem he never dared to speak of to anypony else at the Ministry of Peace for fear that he might lose his job. For the Ministry of Peace worked on some extremely classified material, you see, and if he was to admit that he heard voices - voices which had no earthly origin - he'd surely be fired, or worse, reported to the Ministry of Morale.

And it wasn't just one voice, either. Black Box heard five voices. They even had names - Lavender, Trees, Blue, Rosemary and Gabriel. They talked to each other, and they talked to him. Sometimes they told him what to do, sometimes ordering and sometimes sweet-talking. If they wanted to they could make life really unpleasant for Black Box, which made make him act strangely, which he really couldn't afford to do - especially when the Ministry of Morale Happiness Inspector was present and was already giving him funny looks. So sometimes, if it wasn't too much trouble, Black Box obeyed the voices.

He hoped that didn't mean he was crazy.

"Hello Mr. Box!" said the Lyrabot by the door as it spotted his security pass (displayed prominently as per regulations). It held the oak door open for him. "Welcome back to the Ministry of Peace!"

[the_druid_droid]

Lavender was still getting used to the idea of being inside another pony's head. She could intellectually grasp that the weird magic around the building must have had something to do with it, but the feel of it was still strange.

Also, she felt a little bad for Black Box himself. It was a pain dealing with two personalities; five sounded almost unendurable. Actually, counting her own issues, did that make it six? It probably wasn't a good idea to dwell on it - what they really needed was to find a way back out of... wherever it was they were.

At least no one was shooting at them right now.

"Hello, robot." Lavender said to herself, and Black Box, she supposed.

[Thanqol]

"Hello robot," said Black Box. Even if he was insane at least his voices were reminding him to be polite.

The robot seemed a little bit pleased at being acknowledged; it was a sightly endearing feature. "Is there anything I or my colleagues can assist you with today, Mr. Box? We are a bit understaffed because Ms. Tinkertech decided to repurpose a few of us for surgery, but if there's anything you need we'll see to it as fast as possible!"

[BlasTech]

"I don't suppose they have a chemical diagnosis lab." mused Rosemary. "There has to be a reason we're here, of all places. Maybe it was something he ate?"

Rosemary's voice was thoughtful. Heck, one could say that she was thoughtful given that there really wasn't much more to her anymore than her voice.

It had taken some getting used to. But, hey, if she had to be reduced to something akin to a symptom of schizophrenia, at least she still seemed to be in good company.

[Thanqol]

"That's a great point!" said Black Box.

"Sir?" said the Lyrabot.

"I-I uh, mean, there are chemical analysis labs here?"

"Of course! State of the art! We are the Ministry of Peace after all."

"So, uh, if I was to give you a blood sample could you... check it for contaminants?"

"Oh my! For what? Changeling venom? Taint mutation?"

"N-no, it's uh, for my, uh I want to find out if that Flim Flam Cider I drank yesterday was legit or not."

"Oh!"

"I want to know if I can sue them or not."

"A fine motivation!" said the Lyrabot, jabbing Black Box with a syringe-extension and sucking out a bunch of blood. "I'll let you know the results as soon as they come in."

"Heh, yeah - this is just between us, right?"

"Of course! I am programmed to treat Robot-Patient confidentiality as my highest priority!"

"G-good."

"I promise not to tell anypony unless somepony reprograms me to not have that inhibition!"

"That's, uh, sort of comforting I guess."

"Have a lovely day, Mr. Box!" said the Lyrabot.

Black Box made to walk past it and into the lobby.

[Balmas]

"As far as places go in the wasteland," Gabriel mused, "there are a lot worse. So, Box, or do you prefer Black? What say we head up to the office and see what files we have to catalogue today?"

[Thanqol]

"As far as places go in the wasteland," Gabriel mused, "there are a lot worse. So, Box, or do you prefer Black? What say we head up to the office and see what files we have to catalogue today?"

Black Box headed up to the office.

The lobby was fairly large; two staircases and lots of doors, with the demeanor more of a museum than a hospital. From just how different it was from all the prefab construction outside Black Box had assumed they'd found this building in the snow and fixed it up. Like a hermit crab.

He heard the forced chuckling that indicated the Happiness Inspector's presence from down his usual route - even the sour-faced Administrator Insubordination Kicker had to twist her mouth into a smile when he was present - so he went upstairs to take the long way around. Unfortunately, this meant that he'd have to go past either the office of Deep Blue, who was only the smartest and most attractive pony ever, and every second in her presence was a chance for him to screw up massively - OR he could go down the surgery corridor, which had the problem of being the Celestia-damn surgery corridor.

[Tiki Snakes]

"It doesn't matter which way you go, Box." Trees stated evenly. "Because the robot has your blood now."

She didn't say anything else for a moment.
"The only thing keeping it from coming back and helping itself to the rest is a tiny little box, just under it's cold metal skin. Truth is, there's nothing in a robot's heart but murder and lies."

"Just how much longer do you think the Inhibitors are going to be able to keep them in check, huh?"

[Thanqol]

Black Box decided that of all the crazy voices in his head, this one was the worst. He stood still, eyes closed, and took some deep breaths and hoped it would shut up.

[BlasTech]

"That certainly is a little ... dark, isn't it Trees?" chided Rosemary's voice.

[Tiki Snakes]

"That's the unvarnished truth, Rosemary." Trees snapped sullenly. "I should have let Gabriel shoot that Lyrabot when we had the chance."

"Heck, we should have smashed that AI core too! We had it right there in our hooves and there was nothing it could have done to stop us. But no, I had to be an idiot and believe it's corny lies about wanting to find it's long-dead friends! Who knows how many ponies it's hurt by now? We gave it a bucking rocket launcher!"

"I've learned my lesson, never trust a robot. You hear me Boxxy? Don't you trust a word they say!"

[Balmas]

"I dunno, Trees," Gabe said. "'Murder and lies'? There's nothing in a robot but what ponies put in it. If there's murder and lies, it's because the pony who made it had death on the mind."

He sighed. "Still, moving away from the potentially murderous bit of technology would be a good idea, I think."

[Thanqol]

Black Box didn't understand the robot hate, but he was really worried about it. Robots were all over this complex, working in every department, and were usually really nice to him. If the voices in his head had a problem with the robots it was going to get really awkward for him really fast.

But never get in a fight you could avoid, that was his motto. Deep Blue's corridor had less robots than the surgery corridor so that was the way he went. This was the part of the building that was focused on Megaspell research and only the absolute cleverest unicorns and sorcerers worked here. There seemed to be some sort of dress code for genius unicorns - drab tweed, bored expressions, and cutie marks depicting some kind of astrological phenomena. His own magical talents were rather pathetic and his cutie mark was a featureless orange cube on his dark grey flank, so he just kept his head down and tried to make it obvious that he was just the help.

There were chalk boards and posters and things in the corridor but he normally didn't look at them because they were so complicated they just made him feel dumb and unworthy.

[the_druid_droid]

He heard the forced chuckling that indicated the Happiness Inspector's presence from down his usual route - even the sour-faced Administrator Insubordination Kicker had to twist her mouth into a smile when he was present - so he went upstairs to take the long way around. Unfortunately, this meant that he'd have to go past either the office of Deep Blue, who was only the smartest and most attractive pony ever, and every second in her presence was a chance for him to screw up massively - OR he could go down the surgery corridor, which had the problem of being the Celestia-damn surgery corridor.

"Oh no, we are not going down that surgery corridor. No way, no how!" Lavender was starting to panic a little as residual images of the place drifted through Black Box's mind and bumped into her. Too many of her own memories were like that, usually from the other side of the glass.

"It doesn't matter which way you go, Box." Trees stated evenly. "Because the robot has your blood now."

She didn't say anything else for a moment.
"The only thing keeping it from coming back and helping itself to the rest is a tiny little box, just under it's cold metal skin. Truth is, there's nothing in a robot's heart but murder and lies."

"Just how much longer do you think the Inhibitors are going to be able to keep them in check, huh?"

"That's the unvarnished truth, Rosemary." Trees snapped sullenly. "I should have let Gabriel shoot that Lyrabot when we had the chance."

"Heck, we should have smashed that AI core too! We had it right there in our hooves and there was nothing it could have done to stop us. But no, I had to be an idiot and believe it's corny lies about wanting to find it's long-dead friends! Who knows how many ponies it's hurt by now? We gave it a bucking rocket launcher!"

"I've learned my lesson, never trust a robot. You hear me Boxxy? Don't you trust a word they say!"

"Leave him alone! Just because you got cut up a little you suddenly hate all of them? Please..."

Black Box didn't understand the robot hate, but he was really worried about it. Robots were all over this complex, working in every department, and were usually really nice to him. If the voices in his head had a problem with the robots it was going to get really awkward for him really fast.

But never get in a fight you could avoid, that was his motto. Deep Blue's corridor had less robots than the surgery corridor so that was the way he went. This was the part of the building that was focused on Megaspell research and only the absolute cleverest unicorns and sorcerers worked here. There seemed to be some sort of dress code for genius unicorns - drab tweed, bored expressions, and cutie marks depicting some kind of astrological phenomena. His own magical talents were rather pathetic and his cutie mark was a featureless orange cube on his dark grey flank, so he just kept his head down and tried to make it obvious that he was just the help.

There were chalk boards and posters and things in the corridor but he normally didn't look at them because they were so complicated they just made him feel dumb and unworthy.

Lavender breathed a sigh of relief as they turned down the corridor housing Deep Blue. She was feeling so relieved in fact that she wanted to do something to reward Black Box.

"Hey, if you want to, you should look at those boards. I know, or well, one of me knows a lot about that kind of stuff. I can tell you what it means, and then you won't have to feel bad!"

[Tiki Snakes]

"He's not even real, Lavender." Trees muttered quietly. "Either this is a trap, or we didn't make it and this is Pony Hell."

[Thanqol]

Black Box took the suggestion and looked at the board.

There were pictures of Fluttershy, the Minister of Peace captioned with the words 'Thank you so much for all your hard work', 'WEAR YOUR SECURITY PASS' warnings illustrated with a pony cornered by the shadows of angry robots, and various cartoons with incredibly complicated punchlines unintelligible to anyone who didn't have a degree in dimensional metaphysics. But the chalkboards, where passing researchers casually collaborated on major formulae, were where the science was really happening.

There was necromancy on these boards. Lots and lots of necromancy. Generalist magicians trained by HREC would have been trained to recognise the symbols that denoted necromancy and clearly told 'DO NOT CAST ANYTHING WITH ANY OF THESE' and given no further information. If anypony had seen a Baelfire Egg during their time in the Crystal Empire it would have been marked with some of the same symbols, as would highly irradiated locations. As a result, a lot of these equations meant virtually nothing to the scientists in Black Box's head.

However, the equations themselves were fairly recognisable. If they were able to get their hooves on a basic guide to the symbols they'd be able to figure these things out in far more detail.

[Deadly]

"Griffon's got a point," Blue's voice said somewhere within that great big space of Black Box's mind, filled with voices like stars. "I like that guy."

"Big surprise," Blue's voice responded somewhere else, a roll of metaphysical eyes. "What are you even doing here?"

"Beats me, dweeb. Just hangin' around, I guess. When you've been around as long as I have, you stop worrying about details like why the *yay* you're suddenly inside some guy's head with a bunch of strangers."

There was silence. "Whatever," Blue said finally. "I'm loathe to say it, but Trees' got a point. Whoever thought it was a good idea to give a scrapheap of jagged metal a hoofful of weapons was out of their minds."

"She would agree with the totally-hot earth pony, you know," a third Blue interjected with an invisible wink.

"Hah." Invisible claws were bumped.

"*yay* you, Gilda!"

"Sorry, dude, I'm not really into ponies."

Blue groaned and changed the topic. "Where are we going?"

[BlasTech]

"He's not even real, Lavender." Trees muttered quietly. "Either this is a trap, or we didn't make it and this is Pony Hell."

"I certainly hope our company is not that tormenting to you, Trees." deadpanned Rose.

The unicorn's voice fell silent again whilst Resonant's three (three!) voices bickered with one another. It certainly seemed as if there was more going on in that pegasus' head than she'd originally believed.

"Unfortunately, I can't make head nor tails of the equations. So, unless you can see a book labelled 'A beginner's guide to necromancy - Foals edition', we may as well continue on to his office for now."

[Balmas]

"We can't be in hell," Gabriel snarked. "My dad's not here."

Then Blue started talking. And she started talking again, and a third Blue joined in. Three voices, one of whom liked him. Gabriel wasn't sure which fact surprised him more. Or which was more disturbing.

"I don't suppose that Pre-War Equestria actually published A Foal's Guide to Necromancy, did they?" muttered the griffon. "'One of your friend's suffered an accident? We can help!'"

[the_druid_droid]

"He's not even real, Lavender." Trees muttered quietly. "Either this is a trap, or we didn't make it and this is Pony Hell."

"That doesn't give you permission to be cruel, and you know it." Lavender seemed firm on this. She was willing to hurt and even kill ponies if she had to, but there were things she would not do, nor sit by and watch.

However, the equations themselves were fairly recognisable. If they were able to get their hooves on a basic guide to the symbols they'd be able to figure these things out in far more detail.

"Shoot. That all looks pre-war to me. I can tell you it's dangerous stuff for any unicorn to cast, and where I'm from everyone's scared of it. If you can find me a dictionary or textbook, I might be able to actually translate it into something meaningful... Sorry."

[Thanqol]

Black Box let his eyes drop back onto the carpet and started walking again. Necromancy? He only knew about necromancy from old pony tails, ghosts and goblins and stuff. Nothing serious. Nothing real. He supposed it was probably not polite to judge a pony like the Minister for Peace based on an old story he'd heard one time with a bad guy necromancer, so he'd just assume that the smart ponies knew what they were doing.

One of the doors was ajar, leading into a meeting room. Black Box's ears twitched when he heard the voices coming out of it.

"I honestly don't know what B-Wing thinks they're trying to accomplish. We're not going to find a solution for necromancy in a chemical vat."

"I'm sure that's not what they're doing. Chemists aren't idiots, they don't just throw random stuff into expensive containment vats and take notes on what happens. They get the theory damn perfect before they start mixing - and we know they don't have the theory because we haven't thought of it yet."

"I don't think our solution is going to involve a giant pot of orange tang! We're dealing with the primordial force of creation here, you can't immunize against that with a pill."

"I sense the Ministry of Morale's hoof at work here, to be honest. There's no other explanation."

"Urgh. Are they turning this top secret anti-armageddon research facility into a meth lab? I wish I was surprised."

Black Box noticed he was eavesdropping, and hurried himself forwards.

[Deadly]

"Why don't we ask him what he knows?" one Blue suggested. "Like, what is this place anyway?"

"More like, when is this place," another Blue suggested.

"Right."

[Balmas]

"Who are you, anyway?" came Gabe's voice. "Blue, Blue, and the third Blue? Is there noone here who's sane?"

[the_druid_droid]

Black Box noticed he was eavesdropping, and hurried himself forwards.

"So, who were those guys?" Lavender was kind of curious about all this; there was something about it that made her think of a giant memory orb of some kind, and if it was anything like that, she might actually be able to learn something during her stay here.

If she could get enough pieces to make a puzzle, anyway.

[BlasTech]

"Who are you, anyway?" came Gabe's voice. "Blue, Blue, and the third Blue? Is there noone here who's sane?"

"Probably not". sighed Rosemary's voice. "Sanity went extinct along with common sense a long time back."

"Back to the matter at hoof though, if this facility is a research facility it would be interesting to understand more about what they were trying to achieve."

[Thanqol]

"Why don't we ask him what he knows?" one Blue suggested. "Like, what is this place anyway?"

"More like, when is this place," another Blue suggested.

"Right."

"Ministry of Peace Mt. Shayoshant research center," muttered Black Box under his breath. "Year 1227 post-Discord."

"So, who were those guys?" Lavender was kind of curious about all this; there was something about it that made her think of a giant memory orb of some kind, and if it was anything like that, she might actually be able to learn something during her stay here.

If she could get enough pieces to make a puzzle, anyway.

"Tinpenny and Mental Leap," said Black Box. He knew them, they came by the archive from time to time. "Researchers, and important ones."

"Probably not". sighed Rosemary's voice. "Sanity went extinct along with common sense a long time back."

"Back to the matter at hoof though, if this facility is a research facility it would be interesting to understand more about what they were trying to achieve."

"The Ministry of Peace's job -" said Black Box, and then closed his mouth hard when he saw a door open. He relaxed a bit when it was just a Lyrabot, which waved chirpily as it drifted past. "- is to end the war. It's the Ministry of Peace after all."

He froze up a bit when he saw a door ahead with the name 'Deep Blue', slightly ajar. Several plans presented themselves - walk past quickly, walk past slowly, wait for a distraction, dive dramatically across, turn around and walk back through the entire building to avoid going past that door, knock on the door confidently and assertively and ask her out (haha). It was a tough call.

[Balmas]

"At a guess," Gabe mused, "I'd think we're still at the hospital. We, us, our bodies I mean. This... Dammit, I miss having hands. We're probably seeing what made the hospital the way it was."

He paused at the Box's hesitation. "You know," he wheedled, "I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you just, poke your head in, right? Say hello, be friendly-like?"

[BlasTech]

"The Ministry of Peace's job -" said Black Box, and then closed his mouth hard when he saw a door open. He relaxed a bit when it was just a Lyrabot, which waved chirpily as it drifted past. "- is to end the war. It's the Ministry of Peace after all."

"Don't remind me." sighed Rosemary. "I was referring to the specifics of the research here, however."

He froze up a bit when he saw a door ahead with the name 'Deep Blue', slightly ajar. Several plans presented themselves - walk past quickly, walk past slowly, wait for a distraction, dive dramatically across, turn around and walk back through the entire building to avoid going past that door, knock on the door confidently and assertively and ask her out (haha). It was a tough call.

"You may as well actually ask her, you know." She observed. "If you don't, you'll just be stuck never knowing."

"Besides, the world could end tomorrow. Wouldn't it be better to resolve this while you still have the time?" she finished, voice melencholy.

[Deadly]

"Who are you, anyway?" came Gabe's voice. "Blue, Blue, and the third Blue? Is there noone here who's sane?"

"What did you drink or smoke?" Blue said, her words glaring at Gabe.

"Who cares? I want to know if he's sharing or what," a second Blue said. "Name's Gilda, by the way, and the other griffon over ... thereabouts, that's my sister Evelyn."

"How pleasant to meet you all here," the third Blue said, mild sarcasm detectable.

"You may as well actually ask her, you know." She observed. "If you don't, you'll just be stuck never knowing."

"Besides, the world could end tomorrow. Wouldn't it be better to resolve this while you still have the time?" she finished, voice melencholy.

"Listen to the unicorn, that's my advice," Gilda said.