Puns for Dashing Swordsman

[Teapot Salty]

Hey guys. So I recently made a bard, and my DM seems pretty on board with letting me take levels in dashing swordsman. Only problem is, I'm terrible at coming up at puns on the spot, so I turn to you guys. Any ideas for certain enemies or situations. Have some fun, make some jokes, and as always, go nuts.

[Leviting]

When fighting a treant
Why won't you just leaf us alone!
Let's get to the root of this problem.
Gosh, I need to branch out and stop making such wooden puns.

Yeah, I'm not great at this.

[Pex]

Fighting a medusa:

"Sorry, I don't want to get stoned."

Fighting a beholder:

"Hi, meet my sword. I call her 'Beauty'."

When inspiring courage:

"The cleric is very devout and wants you to meet your god, personally."

"The paladin doesn't threaten. He makes promises, and paladins always keep their promise."

"Roses are red. Violets are blue. The wizard's rainbows will surely mean the end for you."

Fighting an enemy wizard.

"I fear not your little wand."

Fighting a dragon.

"Your mother was a spell component!"

[Teapot Salty]

These are gold.

[BWR]

Fighting a medusa:

"Sorry, I don't want to get stoned."

Fighting a beholder:

"Hi, meet my sword. I call her 'Beauty'."

When inspiring courage:

"The cleric is very devout and wants you to meet your god, personally."

"The paladin doesn't threaten. He makes promises, and paladins always keep their promise."

"Roses are red. Violets are blue. The wizard's rainbows will surely mean the end for you."

Fighting an enemy wizard.

"I fear not your little wand."

Fighting a dragon.

"Your mother was a spell component!"

Funny, but these are not puns.


When fighting formians or any giant ant-like thing: "Keep your 'ants' off me, you damn dirty monster!"
Even more situational, fighting antlike creatures with Gust of Wind so you can say "The ants're, my friend', are blowing in the wind"

"Fighting us? Demon-strably a bad idea"



This site might have something useful if you dig. Some more. And the gold standard of combat punning.

[Tarqiup Inua]

I can't believe nobody mentioned the famous insult swordfighting (link to wiki with list) from the Monkey Island.

[Legato Endless]

Domain searching the site gives some decent results.

Elan Puns

This is for knives, but some are general enough to work elsewhere

[Doorhandle]

"You look injured. Let me offer first grenade!"

"Hate to cut and run."

[GPuzzle]

TF2's Spy has some really cool responses:

"They should call you whiners Doctor. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Laughter really IS the best medicine!"

"I've merely finished what your liver started!"

"What's the matter? Fat got your tongue?"