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  1. - Top - End - #361
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Quote Originally Posted by knag View Post
    The "unnamed female dwarf" in 1165 is Hoskin's wife, first appearing in #1086. We don't know her name but that's a least a little better descriptor since we do know her relation ship to Durkon, she was at his ordination, etc.
    Changed. Thank you.

    —Caerulea
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meum est.
    Extended Signature.
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    Answer trivial questions in the OOTS trivia thread!

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  2. - Top - End - #362
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    TheWombatOfDoom's Avatar

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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    The OotS Transcript - Strips 1158 to ????
    Book 6: Utterly Dwarfed
    Previous Page | Index | Next Page

    Spoiler: Strip 1158
    Show

    Gatespender
    Vampiress with Curly Hair, Gontor, Hel, Thrym

    Vampiress with Curly Hair: I guess that sounds pretty good. But our master was really confident, and the adventurers found a way to-
    Gontor: I'm not taking any chances with those savages, don't worry. I was just waiting until our thralls were the majority in there-which they now are, by my count. This body had a few scrolls on it when it died, and I see no reason not to use all of them to our advantage and give our mistress a chance to send in reinforcements. Gate!
    <cutaway>
    Hel: At last, this misbegotten wager will end and I will take my rightful place as queen of the Northern Gods.
    Thrym: I am excited for you, because I am supportive of your professional achievements.
    Hel: And if those mortal heroes think vampire spirits are the worst things I can make, I've got a surprise for them. Avenge my first priest, little one.
    </cutaway>
    Gontor: BEHOLD! Our enemies shall find naught but squirmy death!!
    Hel: Are you kidding me? I set you up perfectly for a "worm food" quip! Come on, people, this is basic villain stuff!

    Spoiler: Strip 1159
    Show

    Worm's Eye View
    Exarch, Nightcrawler, Haley, Vaarsuvius, Blackwing

    Exarch: Defend this area.
    Nightcrawler: OK.
    Exarch: Excellent. Now let's—
    Nightcrawler: Wait, which area? This area?
    Exarch: Yes, this area here. This... uh...platform thing. Prevent anyone from getting through this door into the Middle Chamber. Anyone except us and our mind-controlled thralls.
    Nightcrawler: OK, got it. Can I eat them?
    Exarch: The thralls?
    Nightcrawler: No, anyone trying to get past me. Can I eat them?
    Exarch: Yes! Of course you can eat them! You're a giant death-worm, I summoned you primarily for the purpose of eating them!
    Nightcrawler: You don't have to get mad, I just wanted to be sure.
    Exarch: As I was saying, let's get inside. They'll be calling the meeting to order soon, and one of us should be in—
    Nightcrawler: Wait, I have another question.
    Exarch: What? What is it? This isn't that complicated!
    Nightcrawler: It's nothing. Sorry. It's not a big deal. I just... ...I just wanted to know if the human, the elf, and the crow that just invisibly flew into the room are with you, or...?
    Exarch: Invisibility Purge!
    Haley: Darn it! Why do all the clerics have that spell prepared?
    Vaarsuvius: Because invisibility is an exceedingly common battle tactic among adventurers of our level.
    Haley: Yeah, but I just started using it, like, this week! Can't I get some sort of grace period?
    Blackwing: Hey, can we stop talking and maybe focus on the invisible crow that's somewhere around here?

    Spoiler: Strip 1160
    Show

    Returning Champions
    Unnamed Vampire, Exarch, Vaarsuvius, Nightcrawler, Roy, Durkon, Elan, Belkar

    Unnamed Vampire: They're here?!? Already??
    Exarch: Back! Back inside the barrier!
    Vaarsuvius: Forceca—
    <sfx> THUNK! THUNK!
    Nightcrawler: Gllnnnrgghh!
    <sfx>FWOOSH!
    Vaarsuvius: —age.
    Exarch: Ha!
    Roy: Ugh. So much for the element of suprise.
    Durkon: Aye, no sense hangin' back now. Let's go!
    <sfx>FWOO! FOOM! SLASH! WHAM!
    Nightcrawler: Owwww!
    <sfx>PWOK! WHUM!
    Elan: Awwww, you have matching returning weapons now! That's so sweet! You're best boomerang buddies!!
    Belkar: In related news, here comes my breakfast back up into my mouth.

    Spoiler: Strip 1161
    Show

    Easy to Forget
    Belker, Blackwing, Durkon, Exarch, Haley, Nightcrawler, Vaarsuvius

    Exarch: This isn't fair, I had a lot more spells to cast before they showed up! Summon Monster VII!
    <sfx> KKERRNNTCH!
    <sfx> PWOK!
    Belker: You two keep whacking the worm. It's obviously what you're best at, heh. Mr. Scruffy and I can handle these two scrubs by oursel—
    Nightcrawler: Mass Hold Monster.
    Belker:
    <sfx> WHOMP!
    Durkon: Och!!
    <sfx> WUMF.
    Blackwing: Great catch! Now just swing him around until his sword hits something. How hard can it be?
    Vaarsuvius: Absurd. That would be highly inefficient. A better plan would be to throw him at the enemy once, then resume casting—
    Haley: We have a cleric again, we can fix stuff like this!!
    Vaarsuvius: Ah, yes, of course.

    Spoiler: Strip 1162
    Show

    Helping out
    Hilgya, Minrah, Sigdi, Uncle Hoskin, Uncle Kandro

    Minrah: Come on, ladies, let's get in there before half the boys get squished.
    Sigdi: Aye.
    Hilgya: Uh, excuse me? Who died and made you boss?
    Minrah: Me! On both counts, Miss Cleric-Who-Can't-Resist-Domination-Magic! Are you coming or not??
    Hilgya: Fine, fine, OK. Geez.
    Minrah: Divine Favor!
    Hilgya: I don't even know why I'm here.
    Sigdi: Dinnae worry, Kudzu's in good hands back at tha temple, I promise.
    Hilgya:
    Sigdi: Sometimes, ye haf ta leave yer cub behind in tha den so ye can brutally eliminate everthin' tha indirectly threatens 'im. It's just part o' bein' a mother. Ye'll see.
    Minrah: Eat hammer, Rock-Face!!
    Sigdi: Aye, ha ha! Feels good ta swing an axe again!
    Hilgya: Uh huh. Flame Strike.
    <sfx> WOOSH!
    Minrah: HEY! Watch where you're throwing those!
    Hilgya: You know, I still don't understand why you didn't let Durkon regerate your arm before the fight.
    Sigdi: Och, lad needs all tha high-level spell slots he can get fer this fight. No sense wastin' one on me. Plus, I been like this fer fifty years an' change. I'm na sure I'd know wha ta do wit two hands right away!
    Hilgya: I don't know, strap a shield to it?
    Sigdi: It's okay lass. It took Durkon a while ta unnerstand, too.
    Uncle Hoskin: Sigdi!! We got yer message.
    Uncle Kandro: We brought the whole family.

    Spoiler: Strip 1163
    Show

    They Stayed Friends Though
    Belker, Captain Logann, Durkon, Durkon's Cousin's Brother-in-law's Niece's Fiancé, Elan, Uncle Hoskin, Unnamed Female Dwarf, Unnamed Male Dwarf, Roy, Sigdi

    Uncle Hoskin: So, uh, what're we doin' 'ere 'xactly?
    Sigdi: At tha moment, smashin' those el'mentals 'fore they smash anyone else!
    Captain Logann: You heard the lady, troops. Engage those earth elementals!
    Unnamed Male Dwarf: Aye, Cap'n Logann!
    Durkon: Remove Paralysis!
    Roy: We need to get into melee range so that creature can't cast more spells.
    Belker: I knew you wouldn't be satisfied until you'd battered that worm hand-to-hand.
    Unnamed Female Dwarf: Sir, our weapons're havin' trouble breakin' thru tha rocky hide o' tha—
    Captain Logann: You did fine, soldier. You bought us a few moments.
    Unnamed Female Dwarf: Moments? For what, sir?
    Durkon's Cousin's Brother-in-law's Niece's Fiancé:HELLO, DURKON. I'M YOUR COUSIN'S BROTHER-IN-LAW'S NIECE'S FIANCÉ. NICE TO FINALLY PUT A FACE TO ALL THE STORIES!
    Elan: It's OK, Durkon. I know what's it's like to have a stunning mid-adventure reveal of a previously unknown family member.
    Durkon: She broke up wit Thad?!?
    Elan: Like I'm looking in a mirror.

    Spoiler: Strip 1164
    Show

    Replication Crisis
    Belker, Elan, Exarch, Nightcrawler, Roy

    Roy: We need to clear a path for Durkon and the others to get inside that chamber.
    Elan: Yeah, so they can foil your evil squirm!
    Roy: Elan, save the puns where you're kind of reaching for later rounds of combat! Start with the low-hanging fruit.
    Elan: Oh, like a worm-ridden apple joke?
    Roy: I guess. Sure.
    Exarch: Where did all those extra dwarves come from? Ugh, it doesn't matter. I have a scroll for them, too. Horrid wil—OWWW!
    Belker: "Horrid Willow"? Wow, you're not pulling any punches against Durkon, are you?
    Exarch: You little toad, that was my only scroll of that spell!
    Belker: Oh, hey, I remember you. Front Door Guy. I watched you get White Wolfed. FYI, any body part you stick out of that force field belongs to me, no takebacks.
    Exarch: I was also told you're the one who dared to break free and kill my master.
    Belker: The long-term prognosis of people who throw me off a mountain is not what you'd call "high percentage." But news you can use for O.G. You: Turns out you can otherthrow the vampire spirit by emotioning at him super-hard. My buddy Durkon did it and he has all the personal magnetism of a loaf of rye bread.
    <sfx> tap tap
    Belker: So, you know… do that. Feel at him.
    Exarch: I have spells to cast in here.
    Belker: Dude, are you even trying to have a climactic emotional catharsis?!?
    Nightcrawler: Hey, feelings are tricky this. You can't—
    Belker: Did I ask you, Giant Death worm? I was obviously talking to the miniature version of himself that's tied up inside his own head!
    Roy: Can we just have a regular battle for once? How's that for an idea?
    Elan: I'm lukeworm on it!

    Spoiler: Strip 1165
    Show

    Uphill Struggle
    Durkon, Hoskin's Wife, Janna, Minrah, Uncle Hoskin, Uncle Kandro, Uncle Thirden, Sigdi

    Minrah: That's it. All clear! Durkon's friends can't enter the Middle Chamber 'cause they're not dwarves. It's up to all of us!
    Uncle Hoskin: Easier said than done… Minrah, right? From church?
    Hoskin's Wife: Yeah, how are we all gonna get over a big hole and past a giant worm?
    Durkon: I think I can kill two bushes wit one stone axe. Wall of Stone!
    <sfx> WHRNNG!
    Sigdi: C'mon, what're ye waitin' fer, a fancy engrav'd invitation? Let's go!
    Uncle Hoskin: Aye, Sarge!
    Uncle Kandro: Thar ye are! Welcome home, lad!
    Durkon: Thanks, Uncle Kandro. Sorry I cannae stay fer long.
    Uncle Kandro: Och, tha's OK. Just glad I got ta see ye first.
    Uncle Thirden: I guess this battle is really starting to ramp up!
    Janna: Ha ha, I'm inclined to agree, Master Squeaky!
    Uncle Kandro: At least out on tha road, ye dinnae haf ta hear bard jokes once a week.
    Durkon: Let's just… keep movin' aye?

    Spoiler: Strip 1166
    Show

    End of Overtime
    Sigdi, Durkon, Exarch, Nightcrawler, Unnamed bard, Uncle Kandro, Haley, Blackwing, Uncle Squeaky, Unnamed Warrior

    Sigdi: Let's go, ev'rybody in! Watch yer step!
    Durkon: Stand down'n end this!
    Exarch: Ahhhh! I don't need to listen to you! Harm! You're not going to fool me, I know you're someone else hiding behind my master's face!
    Durkon: It's my face! It were my face 'fore it were 'is.
    Exarch: You weren't using it anymore! Finders keepers, fair and square!
    Durkon: I liter'lly cannae think o' anythin' less fair than, "Someone kills ye an' gives yer stuff ta someone else!"
    Nightcrawler: Huh. I know he said to defend the door— —but I really think the spirit of the request was to not let anyone inside, even through the window.
    Sigdi: C'mon, let's go, let's go! Wha's tha hold up? Dinnae Jenna teach ye kids double time?
    Unnamed Bard Sorry, Mrs. Segeant Thunder—
    <sfx> KRNTCH!
    Unnamed Bard: Aaaahhhhh!
    Nightcrawler: So I think I'm doing a pretty good job and I got permission to eat people, so I'm gonna just take a moment and treat myself.
    Sigdi: Ye…nnnh! Ye leave tha boy alone!
    Uncle Kandro: Back off, ye knobby-lookin' roaster!
    <sfx> SLASH!
    Nightcrawler: Ulllhrrrh!
    Uncle Kandro: How'd a big tadger like ye get all tha way 'ere by yerself wit yer bawbags back in Hel's pocket?
    <sfx> CHUNK!
    <sfx> thunk! thunk!
    Nightcrawler: Agggh!
    Uncle Kandro: Ye call tha fightin'? I seen more fight inna haf-pished bairn! C'mere, I'll skelp ye good!
    Uncle Hoskin: I gotcha. I gotcha.
    Nightcrawler: Ulkay, aih didn't unnerstan enny uff wa yewr hayin, bewt aih fee pherty unshuhlted buh—
    (N:) Okay, I didn't understand any of what you're saying, but I feel pretty insulted by—
    Uncle Kandro: Shut yer geggie an' fight, ye howlin' dobber!!
    Sigdi: Kandro, we're safe! C'mon!
    Nightcrawler: Ulkay, thazz eet!
    (N:) Okay, that's it!
    <sfx> CHOMP!
    <sfx> GULP!
    <sfx> *Buuuurp!*
    Haley: *gasp!*
    Blackwing: Oh! That poor old man!
    Unnamed Warrior: Wooo! Way to go, Kandro!
    Uncle Squeaky: Good job, old man!
    Uncle Hoskin: Aye, way ta finally get got!
    Unnamed Warrior: About time, too.
    Uncle Squeaky: In under the wire, if you ask me.
    Sigdi: I know, right? Thought he'd nev'r get killed proper.
    Uncle Hoskin: I was hafway ta pickin' a fight wit 'im meself, just so 'e'd die wit an axe 'n 'is hand.
    Blackwing: …Dwarves are weird.

    Spoiler: Strip 1167
    Show

    All Downhill
    Exarch, Uncle Hoskin, Durkon's Cousin's Brother-in-law's Niece's Fiancé, Unnamed Dwarven Rogues, Minrah, Unnamed Mage, Unnamed Vampire Cleric

    Unnamed Vampire Cleric: Hey minions, quit standing around and stop all these dwarves! Like, kill them or whatever!
    Uncle Hoskin: Ev'ryone be careful, these poor saps got tha mind whammy on 'em!
    Uncle Squeaky: If you can knock them out or restrain them, we can sing the Song of Freedom.
    Unnamed Dwarven Rogues: On it, Uncle Squeaky. Sneak Attack!\
    <sfx> BONK! BONK!
    Unnamed Mage: Color Spray!
    Durkon's Cousin's Brother-in-law's Niece's Fiancé: YIELD, VAMPIRE, FOR YOU WILL NOT STAND AGAINST MY BLADE OF PURE—
    Unnamed Vampire Cleric: What is wrong with your voice? How do you talk like that??
    <sfx> WHOOSH!
    Unnamed Vampire Cleric: Hey Exarch, do the barriers and stuff block planar travel out of this room?
    Exarch: No, only coming in.
    Unnamed Vampire Cleric: Bad news for you, then! Plane Shift!
    Durkon's Cousin's Brother-in-law's Niece's Fiancé: OW! OW! OW!
    Minrah: Hey! What did you do to that guy whose name I didn't catch?!
    Unnamed Vampire Cleric: I don't know what you're so mad about. The rest of you are going to die when the other gods destroy this world, while he'll at least roll forever on an infinite pain-slope.
    <sfx> WHUNK!
    Minrah: No, he won't, because we'll rescue him! And also the world isn't going to get destroyed! Which was sort of implied by my first statement because rescuing one dude wouldn't be as high a priority if the world was still at risk! The point is there are several flaws in your scenario and you are bad!!

    Spoiler: Strip 1168
    Show

    Limited Motions
    Clan Cobalt Representative, Lord Speaker, Female Vampire Cleric, Grey Bearded Representative, Monocle Dwarf (Representative), Clan Whiterock Representative, Clan Ironthumb Representative, Roy, Elan, Other Dwarven Representative

    Elan: So, uh, if Durkon and a bunch of other dwarves got inside safely, do we still need to fight the giant worm?
    Roy: Don't know, but it just ate a guy. We're taking it out before someone else get's hurt. As far as what inside that chamber, that'll be up to Durkon. And the elders themselves, I suppose—
    <cutaway>
    Lord Speaker: I hereby call this meeting of the Council of Clans to order. Before Kind Dvalin's cleric channels him and he reveals the question that is being posed to us this day for judgment— —do we have any other motions to consider?
    Clan Cobalt Representative: Yes, Lord Speaker. Clan Cobalt moves that this entire assembly be postponed until a later date, and the question under consideration be revisited at a later time.
    Lord Speaker: Hmmph. On what grounds do you make such a sweeping request?
    Clan Cobalt: I make this motion on the grounds that slightly more than half of this council is currently being dominated by a vampire.
    Grey Bearded Representative: A troubling accusation.
    Monocle Dwarf (Representative): Indeed. Indeed.
    Other Dwarven Representative: Disturbing, if true.
    Female Vampire Cleric: <whispering> whisper whisper whisper
    Clan Whiterock Representative: Clan Whiterock moves that this scurrilous attack on our good character be the subject of a full investigation. We pledge to cooperate fully with the appointment of an inquisitor to look into this allegation, immediately following today's vote.
    Clan Ironthumb Representative: Clan Ironthumb seconds this motion.
    Monocle Dwarf (Representative): Well, now, that seems like a fine compromise!
    Other Dwarven Representative: Yes, we'll get to the bottom of this in due course.
    Clan Cobalt Representative: I, for one, look forward to the possibility of being proven wrong.
    <cutback>
    Roy: —but I'm sure they'll do the right thing, when presented with the facts.

    Spoiler: Strip 1169
    Show

    Showing Up
    Durkon's Cousin, Durkon, Sigdi, Exarch

    Durkon's Cousin: Aunt Sigdi, do you prefer a sword or a battleaxe?
    Sigdi: Axe, please, thanks.
    <sfx> SWOOSH!
    Sigdi: Haha, stop showin' off an' go help yer cousin.
    <sfx> SLAASH!
    Exarch: Ahhh! What am I doing? I'm letting myself get distracted, just like my master did. I don't need to defeat these dwarves, I just need to keep them out of the Inner Chamber for a few more minutes. Blade Barrier!
    Durkon's Cousin: Oh, you think that's gonna stop me? Big mistake, picking a wall— Nnnnh!! —we can still get through! I guess an evil monster like you will never understand— —that us dwarves are willing to fight with every last drop of our blood, to protect—
    Durkon: Greater Dispel Magic. Cure Critical Wounds.
    Durkon's Cousin: You'd think a cleric of Thor wouldn't need to steal his buddy's thunder like that.
    Durkon: Sorry, Cousin. I usually try na to outshine tha party fighter, but I'm used ta workin' wit a much stronger one!
    Sigdi: Och, if ye boys cannae get along, so help me I will turn this battle around!

    Spoiler: Strip 1170
    Show

    Divine Diversion
    Lord Speaker, Thrum, Hel, Thor, Loki, Millidren Thickbelt, Noted Expert, Dwarf Soul, Other Dwarf Soul

    Lord Speaker: With no further motions, let the divine force of Kind Dvalin come forth and pose to us the day's question.
    <sfx> ZOT!
    <cutaway>
    Hel: Time at last for me to act.
    Thrum: I thought you couldn't intervene directly?
    Hel: Only because Odin and the rest would have noticed. But now that the mortal is channeling Dvalin, every god is watching that chamber rather than the battle going on outside of it. The key is to be subtle, so that even if one of them notices, they will hesitate for a few precious minutes before acting. I think a heart attack for my former high priest's host should do the trick.
    <sfx> WHAM!
    Thor: HEL!!
    Hel: What are you doing here?! Get out!!
    Thrum: Stand back, my beloved! I'll protect you!
    Thor: First— Dude, she's just not that into you. You're embarrassing yourself. Second— I have every right to be here to challange the soul disposition of a given dwarf. Specifically Millidren Thickbelt. I say she died with honor.
    <sfx> POP!
    Hel: What? That one died of pneumonia, cowering under her bed!
    Thor: Yes, and my position is that she was locked in a ferocious battle with her own deep-seated inadequacies at the time. I've prepared an extensive oral disseration to that effect, if you'd like me to explain.
    Millidren Thickbelt: Ahhhh!
    Hel: Ugh, whatever. It's one soul, take it and leave. I'm busy.
    Thor: Great! After we discuss Regin Greenhammer.
    <sfx> POP!
    Millidren Thickbelt: Wheeeee!
    Hel: You've got to be kidding! He was shot in the back running away when his unit was ambushed by orcs!
    Thor: And I've produced a feature-length documentary explaining why he thought that was the honorable thing to do at the time.
    Noted Expert: The dictionary defines "courage" as—
    <scryvision screen> Noted Expert
    Hel: Fine! I don't have time for this!
    Thor: I thought you might feel that way. Which is why I took the liberty of preparing arguments for every dwarf that died dishonorably in the last year that we didn't object to at the time. You want to do this chronologically or alphabetically?
    Hel: Do you swear to leave my domain immediately if I concede them?
    Thor: I swear.
    Hel: Then so be it. I'll have more where they came from soon enough.
    Thor: An excellent choice. I'm sure those dwarf souls will enjoy their new afterlife in their respective god's domain.
    Dwarf Soul: Wooooo!
    Other Dwarf Soul: Hooray!!
    Thor: And now I will leave, as promised— —rather than, say, further distracting you by disputing every other previously uncontested death from the last century or so.
    Loki: Hi, Pumpkin!



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    Last edited by TheWombatOfDoom; 2019-07-30 at 09:29 AM.
    Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes

    World Building Projects:
    Magic
    : The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology

    Order of the Stick Projects:
    Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
    Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
    Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
    (you can't take the sky from me)

  3. - Top - End - #363
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    TheWombatOfDoom's Avatar

    Join Date
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Alright, i've caught up to current. Cae thank you for your continual entries. You can get rid of your versions now that they're up! Also, I've updated this book to Utterly Dwarfed since we now know the title! Exciting stuff!
    Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes

    World Building Projects:
    Magic
    : The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology

    Order of the Stick Projects:
    Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
    Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
    Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
    (you can't take the sky from me)

  4. - Top - End - #364
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Let's get this started again shall we.

    I have three strips, but more will soon follow.
    Spoiler: Strip 1171
    Show

    Going In, Getting Out
    Exarch, Durkon, Logann, Sigdi, Hel, Loki, Hilgya

    Exarch: Aaarggh! Blindness!
    <sfx> WOOSH!
    Durkon: Och, I got ye Logann. Remove—
    Logann No! Get in there after him! You're the one who can stop him now! He's trying to slow you down by making you stop to heal me!
    <sfx> BONK!
    Sigdi: Ye sure yer okay?
    Logann: I got this. He needs a few extra seconds more than he needs a second axe anyway.
    Sigdi: Och, ye grew up ta be a good lad.
    Logann: When this is over, I will accept any food-based expressions of that sentiment you wish to offer.
    <sfx> sthonk!
    <scene change—Hel>
    Hel: I am not going to waste time debating with you!
    Loki: Fine with me. Hardly any of these are mine anyway. I'm mostly here to keep you from cheating.
    Hel: You hypocrite! You cheat all the time!
    Loki: I'm not taking a principled stand against cheating, sweetie. I just don't want you to do it right now. It's hard to be a hypocrite when your guiding philosophy is, "Do whatever's best for you."
    Hel: Well don't think I've forgotten that you have a cleric in this battle. My priests will be ready for whatever scheming trick she's about to—
    <cutaway>
    Hilgya: You know what, I think I gave this a solid effort. I'm gonna go back and grab Kudzu and be ready to Plane Shift outta here if everything starts shaking.
    </cutaway>
    Loki: I want to be mad, but her faith in my teachings is just so pure!

    Spoiler: Strip 1172
    Show

    Ray of Hope
    King Dvalin, Lord Speaker, Clan Cobalt Representative, Monocle Dwarf Representative, Clan Stonebrow Representative, Dominated Clan Irongoblet Representative, Dominated Clan Steelbeard Representative, Other Dwarven Representative, Additional Unodminated Representative, Dominated Clan Goldknee Representative, Dominated Clan Copperpot Representative, Dominated Clan Representative, Sigdi, Durkon

    King Dvalin: Clan Elders, thank you for gathering on this day to advise me in this matter. Here is the question: A force of great danger grows near. If it arrives, all creatuers living on this world will be killed and their souls destroyed. If the gods destroy the world themselves, then all souls will move to the afterlife as normal—but all dwarven souls will be condemmed to Hel. Should the gods destroy the world?
    Other Dwarven Representative: ...What?
    Lord Speaker: What kind of question is that?
    Clan Cobalt Representative: Is this for real? This has to be some kind of hypothetical situation, right?
    Monocle Dwarf Representative: It must be a test of honor. Clearly the correct answer is that we, the dwarves, must surrender our eternal rewards so that the souls of the elves and humans and other races can pass to the afterlife safely.
    Lord Speaker: Ah, I see! Yes I concur. It would be the height of selfishness to condemn them to oblivion so that we can avoid Hel's lash.
    Clan Stonebrow Representative: But wait, the question said if it arrives. What if it doesn't?
    Dominated Clan Irongoblet Representative: Clan Irongoblet votes Yes.
    Exarch: Yes, yes! Everything is falling into it's proper place!
    Unspecified Representative: It is a complex ethical problem.
    Dominated Clan Steelbeard Representative: Clan Steelbeard votes Yes.
    Sigdi: They already start'd votin'!
    Durkon: Och, I'm too late!
    [B]Exarch:[B] Indeed! You know as well as I do that in this room, the laws protect me. You're the one who gave me the book!
    Dominated Clan Goldknee Representative: Clan Goldknee votes Yes.
    Dominated Clan Copperpot Representative: Clan Copperpot votes Yes.
    Additional Undominated Representative: Are... are all the dominated ones voting Yes?
    Other Dwarven Representative: Allegedly dominated, we should wait for the results of the—
    Clan Cobalt Representive: No! Clan Cobalt votes No!!
    Lord Speaker: Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We can't rush into—
    Clan Stonebrow Representative: No, he's right! If Yes was the right answer, a vampire wouldn't need to control them to do it! Clan Stonebrow votes No, too!
    Durkon: Guess it's tha backup plan, then. I hope this works.
    Sigdi: Ye know whar ta hit it, just like yer Pa did.
    Other Dwarven Representative: Oh gods, they're both right. Hold your votes! Nobody vote!
    Lord Speaker: It doesn't matter, there's more of them than us! What have we done?
    Exarch: What are you... ?
    <sfx>CRACK!
    Exarch: AAAAAARRRRRGHH— —oh wait I can move. Which is more than I can say for you.
    <sfx>BZZZWAAAA!
    Exarch: Destruction of public property is also against dwarven law, I'm afraid.


    Spoiler: Strip 1173
    Show

    Turn the Table
    Exarch, Sigdi, Dominated Clan Coalshoulder Representative, Dominated Clan Whiterock Representative, Monocle Dwarf Representative, Other Dwarven Representative, Lord Speaker, Additional Undominated Representative, Unspecified Dominated Representative

    Exarch: See? Everything is as it should be! Master said you were little better than a support beam and now you are one!
    Sigdi: Lad, it's OK. Dinnae worry, we still gotta chance left.
    Exarch: Now my minions, who is left to vote?
    Dominated Clan Coalshoulder Representative: Clan Coalshoulder votes Yes.
    Exarch: Come, let us all fulfill our preordained parts in our Mistress' grand plan!
    Dominated Clan Whiterock Representative: Clan Whiterock votes Yes.
    Monocle Dwarf Representative: There's two of them?
    Sigdi: D'ya rememb'r the first time I took ye ta see the sky? Prob'bly na, ye were so young. But like I told ye then...
    <Durkon's hammer is looping around in the sky>
    Sigdi: Up in tha sky is whar bless'd Thor lives. It's in 'is hands now.
    <Durkon's hammer loops down towards the room's roof>
    <sfx> CRUNCH!
    <sfx> KRAAK!
    Exarch: Oh, this just keeps getting more pathetic. A rock? You were going to stop Hel's grand destiny by dropping a rock on me? That wouldn't have even stopped me it it had hit! You, minion! You are the last who has not voted. Say the word, "Yes" and seal this planets fate.
    Unspecified Dominated Representative: Y—
    Lord Speaker This meeting is temporily suspended! Pursuant to section 1.3, paragraph two!
    Exarch: Huh?
    Unspecified Dominated Representative: —es.
    Monocle Dwarf Representative: Ha ha! I get it!
    Other Dwarven Representative: Of course!
    <sfx> UNZOT.
    Exarch: What is going on? The vote was cast, what is...? What is Section...
    <Law Book Section 1.3>
    Meetings of the Council of Clans shall take place in a exp\
    such purpose. The hall shall be located no more than one thousa\
    sea level. It shall be protected with such mystical defenses as de\
    the Council, except for the first such meeting during which such \
    determined by majority vote.
    Votes shall take place at a table fashioned from the corpse of\
    tree. The table shall be one (1) piece, unbroken and bearing suffi\
    circumference to permit one (1) representative of each currently ext\
    to stand before it simultaneously. No vote shall be completed in any\
    fail to meet these requirements.
    <End Section>
    Exarch:The...table?!?!
    Additional Undominated Representative: No table, no vote! The council stays suspended until we get a new one!
    Lord Speaker: Could take a while to find a oak that big, ha, ha
    Sigdi: Ye said it yerself: Yer master gave ye tha book o' procedures. 'E read it first, wit me boy livin upstairs. Were ye really so dumb ta think fer one second tha ye could beat Durkon— [B]—Durkon[\B], o' all the folks in this great big beaut'ful world— —in a fight that revolved around followin' tha rules?!?


    If anyone else is inspired and wants to do them, go ahead! I'm busy right now anyway, so don't take my claim to be exclusive.

    —Caerulea
    Last edited by Caerulea; 2020-10-05 at 01:17 PM.
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meum est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not not a humanoid. Come not not be one too.
    Answer trivial questions in the OOTS trivia thread!

    she/her



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