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  1. - Top - End - #31
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    TheWombatOfDoom's Avatar

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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Quote Originally Posted by oppyu View Post
    I like the unformatted square brackets '[Tarquin]' or bold 'Tarquin', but I'm not the one who'll be going through hundreds of strips manually changing every line in every strip. If you're up for it I think those ones look the best. Otherwise the unformatted plain text that's already being used will be fine as well.
    In clairification, I'll be the one that back edits in doing this. But I'll expect future submissions to follow it once we've decided.
    Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes

    World Building Projects:
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    : The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology

    Order of the Stick Projects:
    Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
    Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
    Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
    (you can't take the sky from me)

  2. - Top - End - #32
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    I don't think one isolated line is really good to judge such differences ;)


    I don't like [sic]. If there is an error (which we need to spot anyway to apply sic), then we should imo correct it (or we should say leave them uncorrected, though sometimes it is really hard to spot such errors to make them deliberate. That is the reason I prefer to correct them). Unusual but correct things shouldn't be marked at all imo. [And at least for my part I have corrected them, also because I can't double check in the not yet existing book 5...]



    I personally would use <sfx> only for sound effects. Sometimes characters speak without bubble border, but imo it is best to still consider it as speech bubble/normal text.

    Only problem, sometimes it might be hard to tell what is which. For example it is unclear whether the notes in Strip1 Panel1 are spoken by Elan or are an sfx [I personally have seen it as spoken by Elan, and thus would write "Elan: <singing> ♪ ♪" (maybe the <singing> is overkill), and not "<sfx> ♪ ♪"]. Mr. Scruffy has this problem sometimes, too.



    The problem about dropping the bubble/panel information, that sometimes it is used to to show a passing of time. (Though yes, in some cases it probably isn't that great, especially in long monologues. And I don't think it is really possible to apply a rule that is fitting and going to "whatever that transcriber thinks" doesn't sound good to me.)


    @Wombat: I don't know how you plan on edit the stuff, but if it takes any substantial amount of time to fix my part for you, it would be better that I resend it with correct format - since it takes me probably about 30 seconds to fix my complete transcript (Though a good way to send you a bunch of stuff outside the forum would make it much better ). [Unless you applied other changes I'm not aware of]

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  3. - Top - End - #33
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    TheWombatOfDoom's Avatar

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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Quote Originally Posted by ChristianSt View Post
    I don't think one isolated line is really good to judge such differences ;)
    Test it out at your leisure, and then give me an opinion. I just wanted to do a quick example of each format. If you wanted to provide a few lines for the examples, I wouldn't complaing.


    Quote Originally Posted by ChristianSt View Post
    I don't like [sic]. If there is an error (which we need to spot anyway to apply sic), then we should imo correct it (or we should say leave them uncorrected, though sometimes it is really hard to spot such errors to make them deliberate. That is the reason I prefer to correct them). Unusual but correct things shouldn't be marked at all imo. [And at least for my part I have corrected them, also because I can't double check in the not yet existing book 5...]
    True. Its similar to the instance where people want to point out art mistakes in the Annotated Order of the Stick project - and really it isn't my mission to point out mistakes. Yeah...lets just correct the mistakes and be done with it. Let's hope none complain that this transcription is inaccurate for doing so.

    Quote Originally Posted by ChristianSt View Post
    I personally would use <sfx> only for sound effects. Sometimes characters speak without bubble border, but imo it is best to still consider it as speech bubble/normal text.

    Only problem, sometimes it might be hard to tell what is which. For example it is unclear whether the notes in Strip1 Panel1 are spoken by Elan or are an sfx [I personally have seen it as spoken by Elan, and thus would write "Elan: <singing> ♪ ♪" (maybe the <singing> is overkill), and not "<sfx> ♪ ♪"]. Mr. Scruffy has this problem sometimes, too.
    I believe that's what I did, correct? As for music notes, I'd say that its a case by case. Belkar whistles, scruffy meows, elan sings, tarquin whistles for his dino. I'd say in elan's case, singing works, but not for the others. If the music note appears around a song, it is included in the <singing> tag and can be ommitted as an art detail, if it is text in the speech bubble, it is dialogue (as the first strip has it).



    Quote Originally Posted by ChristianSt View Post
    The problem about dropping the bubble/panel information, that sometimes it is used to to show a passing of time. (Though yes, in some cases it probably isn't that great, especially in long monologues. And I don't think it is really possible to apply a rule that is fitting and going to "whatever that transcriber thinks" doesn't sound good to me.)
    We can always account for elapsed time on the transcription, as we do for flash backs, I suppose, but I tend to think dropping it but adding details around certain things can work. Having multiple speech lines for one person doesn't really designate time more than having one line, especially in the context of it happening so often in the comic. So I'd say something like <pause> or <later> could be a solution to that.


    Quote Originally Posted by ChristianSt View Post
    @Wombat: I don't know how you plan on edit the stuff, but if it takes any substantial amount of time to fix my part for you, it would be better that I resend it with correct format - since it takes me probably about 30 seconds to fix my complete transcript (Though a good way to send you a bunch of stuff outside the forum would make it much better ). [Unless you applied other changes I'm not aware of]
    Well, I have to go through each strip anyway to edit the details of them and ensure the layout is followed (and upkeep changes). I've stopped going through until we decide on a few things, but editing is how I spent my "dark week".

    I did finally just get your transcriptions into my file, having sent them to myself from home. If you'd like to rePM them to me with the changes once we decide on them, I'd not complain.
    Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes

    World Building Projects:
    Magic
    : The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology

    Order of the Stick Projects:
    Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
    Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
    Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
    (you can't take the sky from me)

  4. - Top - End - #34
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Some more format examples/testing:

    Spoiler: Strip #1 // no emphasis
    Show
    Strip #1: New Edition
    Belkar, Durkon, Elan, Goblin, Haley, Roy, Vaarsuvius

    Elan: <singing> ♪ ♪
    Goblin: Grrrr!
    <sfx> boing!
    Haley: What the hell? That goblin was gonna knock you on your ass.
    Durkon: I dinnae know. I jus' felt really...stable.
    (D): I don't know. I just felt really...stable.
    <sfx> POP!
    Roy: Uhhh...I think it's a chain shirt.
    Elan: Sweet!
    Vaarsuvius: I understand. I believe we are being converted to the new 3.5 edition.
    Roy: Well, I do feel more intimidating...
    Belkar: YES! I've been doing this ranger crap for 3 years now, it's about time for an upgrade. C'mon, c'mon, Daddy needs some new skill points!
    <sfx> waa!
    <sfx> waa!
    <sfx> wawawawa!
    Roy: Ooooo...Weapon shrinkage.
    Haley: Tee hee, it's so tiny!
    Belkar: DAMN IT!
    <sfx> ping!
    Elan: Ooh! Skill points!
    Belkar: DAMN IT!

    Spoiler: Strip #50 // no emphasis
    Show
    Strip #50: The Semi-Secret Origin of Elan & Nale
    Durkon, Elan, Elan's Mom, Mr. Jones, Nale

    <text> The Order of the Sick Presents...
    The Semi-Secret Origin of Elan & Nale!
    (I mean, it's not like you couldn't have figured it out.)
    Elan: Wow, this is exciting. I've never been in the first group before!
    Nale: Well, Elan, I wanted the chance to talk to you. You know, the moment you opened that door, I thought to myself, "Why, here's a handsome fellow!" Ha ha ha! But seriously. I think there is a deeper relationship between us than any of which you are aware.
    Elan: Are - are you hitting on me?
    Nale: What?!?
    Elan: Because, whatever you heard about what happened at Summer Camp -
    Nale: No, no, Elan. Not like that. I meant that I think we might be brothers.
    Elan: Oh. Cool, I never had a brother before. Are you sure?
    Nale: No, but I thought we could compare stories of our childhoods and see if they match.
    Elan: Ooo! Ooo! Me first!
    <flashback started>
    [overlay] Elan: My Mommy raised me by herself. She's a barmaid, and the nicest, kindest person in the whole village. She told me that my Dad was a mean fighting guy who left her and me behind when he went off to battle.
    Elan's Mom: <singing> ♪ ♪ Serve, serve, serve, serve refreshing adult beverages! ♪
    <scene changed>
    [overlay] Nale: Ah, see, now, my Father was a cold and ruthless general of a nigh-unstoppable army. He told me he had abandoned my goody-two-shoes mother in some small backwards village
    <text> BABY ON BOARD
    <flashback ended>
    Elan: Aw man, those stories don't mat at all!
    <sfx> SMACK!
    Elan: Wow, those stories match perfectly! I wonder why they split up, though.
    <flashback started>
    Mr. Jones: Your honor, my client is suing for divorce on the grounds of Irreconcilable Alignment Differences. He's Lawful Evil and hi wife appears to be Chaotic Good.
    <flashback ended>
    Nale: I'm also unable to explain the apparent gulf in our mental faculties...
    <flashback started>
    Elan's Mom: Nale! Stop hitting your twin brother in his soft undeveloped baby skull!
    <sfx> SMACK!
    <flashback ended>
    Nale: ...And it certainly doesn't explain why they would never tell us about each other.
    Elan: Oh, that I understand. See, by not telling us, it increases the potential for dramatic tension should we ever encounter each other as adults.
    Durkon: Go fish.
    Elan: What? Oh, I'm a bard, that kind of stuffs comes naturally.
    Nale: A bard, huh? My father taught me that bards were underpowered.
    Elan: Really? So what class are you?
    Nale: I'm a mutliclass fighter/rogue/sorcerer who specializes in enchantment spells.
    Elan: And that never struck you as needlessly complicated?
    Nale: Not until this moment, no.

    Spoiler: Strip #277 // no emphasis
    Show
    Strip #277: The Crayons of Time: Breaking Up is Hard to Do
    Celia, Dorukan, Elan, Girard, Haley, Roy, Serini, Shojo, Soon, Vaarsuvius

    <crayons started>
    Shojo: The party agreed that the gates could not be allowed to fall into the hands of evil, but they disagreed on how best to defend them.
    [narrated] Dorukan: Only the most epic magic can defend the gates.
    [narrated] Soon: Magic? Your magic can be dispelled or disrupted. Only the honor of a paladin is unbreakable.
    [narrated] Girard: Honor, yeah, that and a silver piece will get you a hunk of cheese.
    Shojo: With the death of Kraagor still weighing heavy on their hearts, the disagreements turned into arguments, the arguments turned into blame, and the blame turned into something ugly.
    [narrated] Soon: You don't care if the gates fall, as long as you can research a new spell!
    [narrated] Dorukan: And you don't care if your allies fall, as long as you avenge your dead wife!
    Shojo: Anger and resentment that had simmered through years of adventuring were suddenly unleashed. Words were said that could never be taken back. Spells were readied in anger, and blades drawn in self-defense. Only the lone voice of a halfling woman prevent bloodshed.
    [narrated] Serini: STOP!!
    Shojo: Knowing that the party would never travel again after what had been said, Serini devised a compromise that would allow the five adventurers to part ways while still protecting the five gates.
    [narrated] Serini: Look, we all think we know how to best defend the gates, right? So let's split them up. There's five of us and five of them. We each take the one closest to our homeland. We retire, and build a stronghold to defend our chosen gate, however we see fit. And we agree, no interference in the other four gates. We'll set up some kind of monitoring divination to tell if someone else's gate is broken, but that's it. No spying, no "just checking in" visits, no nothing. We leave here today and that's it. We're done with each other.
    Shojo: They agreed, and swore an oath to that effect. And as far as we know, no two have ever laid eyes one each other since. Dorukan left for the Redmountain Hills, where he spent years warding his gate with the most powerful sigils he could imagine. Lirian returned to the rift that she had first found with Soon. She enlisted the aid of the creatures of the forest in its defense. Girard Draketooth hid his desert gate behind an endless series of cunning illusions, relying on the power of deception to protect the gate. Even though it had been her idea, Serini wasn't really the type for retiring.
    [narrated] Serini: OK, set the purple worms down gently, we don't want a repeat of the Roc Incident.
    Shojo: She decided that she would build a tomb for Kraagor, and fill it with the nastiest monsters in the world, to reflect his belief in the power of physical might. And Soon, hew believed more than anything in the power of honor, truth and loyalty. He returned to Azure City and selected the noblest samurai to join him as his paladins. He named his fighting force the Sapphire Guard. We know little else about the other four, as the oaths taken by each paladin prevent them from seeking out the other gates. But we do know that Soon sent his men and women on a crusade to wipe out all who would threaten the Azure City gate, no matter how far removed geographically. In the process, they purged all mention of the gates and the rifts from libraries. It was if the events of the previous few years had never happened. When I was but a boy, learning at my father's knee, an aged Soon came to him and transferred command of the Sapphire Guard. Soon said that it was crucial that the defense of the city and the defense of the gate be held in the same capable hands. He died shortly thereafter.
    <crayons ended>
    Shojo: And when my father passed on, the duty and all of the secrets passed on to me. For 47 years, I have commanded the Sapphire Guard. And when I die, my nephew Hinjo here will be Lord of the city. And now you know the Secret Lore of the Sapphire Guard.
    Celia: Psssst! Flashback's over!
    Roy: Huh? Oh geez!
    Elan: Aren't we supposed to get a 2-panel warning?
    Haley: Zfq bq nzml??
    (H): Are we back??
    Vaarsuvius: That is it, when this story arc is over, I shall be calling my agent.



    Spoiler: Strip #1 // Square Brackets
    Show
    Strip #1: New Edition
    Belkar, Durkon, Elan, Goblin, Haley, Roy, Vaarsuvius

    [Elan]: <singing> ♪ ♪
    [Goblin]: Grrrr!
    <sfx> boing!
    [Haley]: What the hell? That goblin was gonna knock you on your ass.
    [Durkon]: I dinnae know. I jus' felt really...stable.
    (D): I don't know. I just felt really...stable.
    <sfx> POP!
    [Roy]: Uhhh...I think it's a chain shirt.
    [Elan]: Sweet!
    [Vaarsuvius]: I understand. I believe we are being converted to the new 3.5 edition.
    [Roy]: Well, I do feel more intimidating...
    [Belkar]: YES! I've been doing this ranger crap for 3 years now, it's about time for an upgrade. C'mon, c'mon, Daddy needs some new skill points!
    <sfx> waa!
    <sfx> waa!
    <sfx> wawawawa!
    [Roy]: Ooooo...Weapon shrinkage.
    [Haley]: Tee hee, it's so tiny!
    [Belkar]: DAMN IT!
    <sfx> ping!
    [Elan]: Ooh! Skill points!
    [Belkar]: DAMN IT!

    Spoiler: Strip #50 // Square Brackets
    Show
    Strip #50: The Semi-Secret Origin of Elan & Nale
    Durkon, Elan, Elan's Mom, Mr. Jones, Nale

    <text> The Order of the Sick Presents...
    The Semi-Secret Origin of Elan & Nale!
    (I mean, it's not like you couldn't have figured it out.)
    [Elan]: Wow, this is exciting. I've never been in the first group before!
    [Nale]: Well, Elan, I wanted the chance to talk to you. You know, the moment you opened that door, I thought to myself, "Why, here's a handsome fellow!" Ha ha ha! But seriously. I think there is a deeper relationship between us than any of which you are aware.
    [Elan]: Are - are you hitting on me?
    [Nale]: What?!?
    [Elan]: Because, whatever you heard about what happened at Summer Camp -
    [Nale]: No, no, Elan. Not like that. I meant that I think we might be brothers.
    [Elan]: Oh. Cool, I never had a brother before. Are you sure?
    [Nale]: No, but I thought we could compare stories of our childhoods and see if they match.
    [Elan]: Ooo! Ooo! Me first!
    <flashback started>
    [overlay] [Elan]: My Mommy raised me by herself. She's a barmaid, and the nicest, kindest person in the whole village. She told me that my Dad was a mean fighting guy who left her and me behind when he went off to battle.
    [Elan's Mom]: <singing> ♪ ♪ Serve, serve, serve, serve refreshing adult beverages! ♪
    <scene changed>
    [overlay] [Nale]: Ah, see, now, my Father was a cold and ruthless general of a nigh-unstoppable army. He told me he had abandoned my goody-two-shoes mother in some small backwards village
    <text> BABY ON BOARD
    <flashback ended>
    [Elan]: Aw man, those stories don't mat at all!
    <sfx> SMACK!
    [Elan]: Wow, those stories match perfectly! I wonder why they split up, though.
    <flashback started>
    [Mr. Jones]: Your honor, my client is suing for divorce on the grounds of Irreconcilable Alignment Differences. He's Lawful Evil and hi wife appears to be Chaotic Good.
    <flashback ended>
    [Nale]: I'm also unable to explain the apparent gulf in our mental faculties...
    <flashback started>
    [Elan's Mom]: Nale! Stop hitting your twin brother in his soft undeveloped baby skull!
    <sfx> SMACK!
    <flashback ended>
    [Nale]: ...And it certainly doesn't explain why they would never tell us about each other.
    [Elan]: Oh, that I understand. See, by not telling us, it increases the potential for dramatic tension should we ever encounter each other as adults.
    [Durkon]: Go fish.
    [Elan]: What? Oh, I'm a bard, that kind of stuffs comes naturally.
    [Nale]: A bard, huh? My father taught me that bards were underpowered.
    [Elan]: Really? So what class are you?
    [Nale]: I'm a mutliclass fighter/rogue/sorcerer who specializes in enchantment spells.
    [Elan]: And that never struck you as needlessly complicated?
    [Nale]: Not until this moment, no.

    Spoiler: Strip #277 // Square Brackets
    Show
    Strip #277: The Crayons of Time: Breaking Up is Hard to Do
    Celia, Dorukan, Elan, Girard, Haley, Roy, Serini, Shojo, Soon, Vaarsuvius

    <crayons started>
    [Shojo]: The party agreed that the gates could not be allowed to fall into the hands of evil, but they disagreed on how best to defend them.
    [narrated] [Dorukan]: Only the most epic magic can defend the gates.
    [narrated] [Soon]: Magic? Your magic can be dispelled or disrupted. Only the honor of a paladin is unbreakable.
    [narrated] [Girard]: Honor, yeah, that and a silver piece will get you a hunk of cheese.
    [Shojo]: With the death of Kraagor still weighing heavy on their hearts, the disagreements turned into arguments, the arguments turned into blame, and the blame turned into something ugly.
    [narrated] [Soon]: You don't care if the gates fall, as long as you can research a new spell!
    [narrated] [Dorukan]: And you don't care if your allies fall, as long as you avenge your dead wife!
    [Shojo]: Anger and resentment that had simmered through years of adventuring were suddenly unleashed. Words were said that could never be taken back. Spells were readied in anger, and blades drawn in self-defense. Only the lone voice of a halfling woman prevent bloodshed.
    [narrated] [Serini]: STOP!!
    [Shojo]: Knowing that the party would never travel again after what had been said, Serini devised a compromise that would allow the five adventurers to part ways while still protecting the five gates.
    [narrated] [Serini]: Look, we all think we know how to best defend the gates, right? So let's split them up. There's five of us and five of them. We each take the one closest to our homeland. We retire, and build a stronghold to defend our chosen gate, however we see fit. And we agree, no interference in the other four gates. We'll set up some kind of monitoring divination to tell if someone else's gate is broken, but that's it. No spying, no "just checking in" visits, no nothing. We leave here today and that's it. We're done with each other.
    [Shojo]: They agreed, and swore an oath to that effect. And as far as we know, no two have ever laid eyes one each other since. Dorukan left for the Redmountain Hills, where he spent years warding his gate with the most powerful sigils he could imagine. Lirian returned to the rift that she had first found with Soon. She enlisted the aid of the creatures of the forest in its defense. Girard Draketooth hid his desert gate behind an endless series of cunning illusions, relying on the power of deception to protect the gate. Even though it had been her idea, Serini wasn't really the type for retiring.
    [narrated] [Serini]: OK, set the purple worms down gently, we don't want a repeat of the Roc Incident.
    [Shojo]: She decided that she would build a tomb for Kraagor, and fill it with the nastiest monsters in the world, to reflect his belief in the power of physical might. And Soon, hew believed more than anything in the power of honor, truth and loyalty. He returned to Azure City and selected the noblest samurai to join him as his paladins. He named his fighting force the Sapphire Guard. We know little else about the other four, as the oaths taken by each paladin prevent them from seeking out the other gates. But we do know that Soon sent his men and women on a crusade to wipe out all who would threaten the Azure City gate, no matter how far removed geographically. In the process, they purged all mention of the gates and the rifts from libraries. It was if the events of the previous few years had never happened. When I was but a boy, learning at my father's knee, an aged Soon came to him and transferred command of the Sapphire Guard. Soon said that it was crucial that the defense of the city and the defense of the gate be held in the same capable hands. He died shortly thereafter.
    <crayons ended>
    [Shojo]: And when my father passed on, the duty and all of the secrets passed on to me. For 47 years, I have commanded the Sapphire Guard. And when I die, my nephew Hinjo here will be Lord of the city. And now you know the Secret Lore of the Sapphire Guard.
    [Celia]: Psssst! Flashback's over!
    [Roy]: Huh? Oh geez!
    [Elan]: Aren't we supposed to get a 2-panel warning?
    [Haley]: Zfq bq nzml??
    (H): Are we back??
    [Vaarsuvius]: That is it, when this story arc is over, I shall be calling my agent.



    Spoiler: Strip #1 // Bold
    Show
    Strip #1: New Edition
    Belkar, Durkon, Elan, Goblin, Haley, Roy, Vaarsuvius

    Elan: <singing> ♪ ♪
    Goblin: Grrrr!
    <sfx> boing!
    Haley: What the hell? That goblin was gonna knock you on your ass.
    Durkon: I dinnae know. I jus' felt really...stable.
    (D): I don't know. I just felt really...stable.
    <sfx> POP!
    Roy: Uhhh...I think it's a chain shirt.
    Elan: Sweet!
    Vaarsuvius: I understand. I believe we are being converted to the new 3.5 edition.
    Roy: Well, I do feel more intimidating...
    Belkar: YES! I've been doing this ranger crap for 3 years now, it's about time for an upgrade. C'mon, c'mon, Daddy needs some new skill points!
    <sfx> waa!
    <sfx> waa!
    <sfx> wawawawa!
    Roy: Ooooo...Weapon shrinkage.
    Haley: Tee hee, it's so tiny!
    Belkar: DAMN IT!
    <sfx> ping!
    Elan: Ooh! Skill points!
    Belkar: DAMN IT!

    Spoiler: Strip #50 // Bold
    Show
    Strip #50: The Semi-Secret Origin of Elan & Nale
    Durkon, Elan, Elan's Mom, Mr. Jones, Nale

    <text> The Order of the Sick Presents...
    The Semi-Secret Origin of Elan & Nale!
    (I mean, it's not like you couldn't have figured it out.)
    Elan: Wow, this is exciting. I've never been in the first group before!
    Nale: Well, Elan, I wanted the chance to talk to you. You know, the moment you opened that door, I thought to myself, "Why, here's a handsome fellow!" Ha ha ha! But seriously. I think there is a deeper relationship between us than any of which you are aware.
    Elan: Are - are you hitting on me?
    Nale: What?!?
    Elan: Because, whatever you heard about what happened at Summer Camp -
    Nale: No, no, Elan. Not like that. I meant that I think we might be brothers.
    Elan: Oh. Cool, I never had a brother before. Are you sure?
    Nale: No, but I thought we could compare stories of our childhoods and see if they match.
    Elan: Ooo! Ooo! Me first!
    <flashback started>
    [overlay] Elan: My Mommy raised me by herself. She's a barmaid, and the nicest, kindest person in the whole village. She told me that my Dad was a mean fighting guy who left her and me behind when he went off to battle.
    Elan's Mom: <singing> ♪ ♪ Serve, serve, serve, serve refreshing adult beverages! ♪
    <scene changed>
    [overlay] Nale: Ah, see, now, my Father was a cold and ruthless general of a nigh-unstoppable army. He told me he had abandoned my goody-two-shoes mother in some small backwards village
    <text> BABY ON BOARD
    <flashback ended>
    Elan: Aw man, those stories don't mat at all!
    <sfx> SMACK!
    Elan: Wow, those stories match perfectly! I wonder why they split up, though.
    <flashback started>
    Mr. Jones: Your honor, my client is suing for divorce on the grounds of Irreconcilable Alignment Differences. He's Lawful Evil and hi wife appears to be Chaotic Good.
    <flashback ended>
    Nale: I'm also unable to explain the apparent gulf in our mental faculties...
    <flashback started>
    Elan's Mom: Nale! Stop hitting your twin brother in his soft undeveloped baby skull!
    <sfx> SMACK!
    <flashback ended>
    Nale: ...And it certainly doesn't explain why they would never tell us about each other.
    Elan: Oh, that I understand. See, by not telling us, it increases the potential for dramatic tension should we ever encounter each other as adults.
    Durkon: Go fish.
    Elan: What? Oh, I'm a bard, that kind of stuffs comes naturally.
    Nale: A bard, huh? My father taught me that bards were underpowered.
    Elan: Really? So what class are you?
    Nale: I'm a mutliclass fighter/rogue/sorcerer who specializes in enchantment spells.
    Elan: And that never struck you as needlessly complicated?
    Nale: Not until this moment, no.

    Spoiler: Strip #277 // Bold
    Show
    Strip #277: The Crayons of Time: Breaking Up is Hard to Do
    Celia, Dorukan, Elan, Girard, Haley, Roy, Serini, Shojo, Soon, Vaarsuvius

    <crayons started>
    Shojo: The party agreed that the gates could not be allowed to fall into the hands of evil, but they disagreed on how best to defend them.
    [narrated] Dorukan: Only the most epic magic can defend the gates.
    [narrated] Soon: Magic? Your magic can be dispelled or disrupted. Only the honor of a paladin is unbreakable.
    [narrated] Girard: Honor, yeah, that and a silver piece will get you a hunk of cheese.
    Shojo: With the death of Kraagor still weighing heavy on their hearts, the disagreements turned into arguments, the arguments turned into blame, and the blame turned into something ugly.
    [narrated] Soon: You don't care if the gates fall, as long as you can research a new spell!
    [narrated] Dorukan: And you don't care if your allies fall, as long as you avenge your dead wife!
    Shojo: Anger and resentment that had simmered through years of adventuring were suddenly unleashed. Words were said that could never be taken back. Spells were readied in anger, and blades drawn in self-defense. Only the lone voice of a halfling woman prevent bloodshed.
    [narrated] Serini: STOP!!
    Shojo: Knowing that the party would never travel again after what had been said, Serini devised a compromise that would allow the five adventurers to part ways while still protecting the five gates.
    [narrated] Serini: Look, we all think we know how to best defend the gates, right? So let's split them up. There's five of us and five of them. We each take the one closest to our homeland. We retire, and build a stronghold to defend our chosen gate, however we see fit. And we agree, no interference in the other four gates. We'll set up some kind of monitoring divination to tell if someone else's gate is broken, but that's it. No spying, no "just checking in" visits, no nothing. We leave here today and that's it. We're done with each other.
    Shojo: They agreed, and swore an oath to that effect. And as far as we know, no two have ever laid eyes one each other since. Dorukan left for the Redmountain Hills, where he spent years warding his gate with the most powerful sigils he could imagine. Lirian returned to the rift that she had first found with Soon. She enlisted the aid of the creatures of the forest in its defense. Girard Draketooth hid his desert gate behind an endless series of cunning illusions, relying on the power of deception to protect the gate. Even though it had been her idea, Serini wasn't really the type for retiring.
    [narrated] Serini: OK, set the purple worms down gently, we don't want a repeat of the Roc Incident.
    Shojo: She decided that she would build a tomb for Kraagor, and fill it with the nastiest monsters in the world, to reflect his belief in the power of physical might. And Soon, hew believed more than anything in the power of honor, truth and loyalty. He returned to Azure City and selected the noblest samurai to join him as his paladins. He named his fighting force the Sapphire Guard. We know little else about the other four, as the oaths taken by each paladin prevent them from seeking out the other gates. But we do know that Soon sent his men and women on a crusade to wipe out all who would threaten the Azure City gate, no matter how far removed geographically. In the process, they purged all mention of the gates and the rifts from libraries. It was if the events of the previous few years had never happened. When I was but a boy, learning at my father's knee, an aged Soon came to him and transferred command of the Sapphire Guard. Soon said that it was crucial that the defense of the city and the defense of the gate be held in the same capable hands. He died shortly thereafter.
    <crayons ended>
    Shojo: And when my father passed on, the duty and all of the secrets passed on to me. For 47 years, I have commanded the Sapphire Guard. And when I die, my nephew Hinjo here will be Lord of the city. And now you know the Secret Lore of the Sapphire Guard.
    Celia: Psssst! Flashback's over!
    Roy: Huh? Oh geez!
    Elan: Aren't we supposed to get a 2-panel warning?
    Haley: Zfq bq nzml??
    (H): Are we back??
    Vaarsuvius: That is it, when this story arc is over, I shall be calling my agent.



    Spoiler: Strip #1 // Underline
    Show
    Strip #1: New Edition
    Belkar, Durkon, Elan, Goblin, Haley, Roy, Vaarsuvius

    Elan: <singing> ♪ ♪
    Goblin: Grrrr!
    <sfx> boing!
    Haley: What the hell? That goblin was gonna knock you on your ass.
    Durkon: I dinnae know. I jus' felt really...stable.
    (D): I don't know. I just felt really...stable.
    <sfx> POP!
    Roy: Uhhh...I think it's a chain shirt.
    Elan: Sweet!
    Vaarsuvius: I understand. I believe we are being converted to the new 3.5 edition.
    Roy: Well, I do feel more intimidating...
    Belkar: YES! I've been doing this ranger crap for 3 years now, it's about time for an upgrade. C'mon, c'mon, Daddy needs some new skill points!
    <sfx> waa!
    <sfx> waa!
    <sfx> wawawawa!
    Roy: Ooooo...Weapon shrinkage.
    Haley: Tee hee, it's so tiny!
    Belkar: DAMN IT!
    <sfx> ping!
    Elan: Ooh! Skill points!
    Belkar: DAMN IT!

    Spoiler: Strip #50 // Underline
    Show
    Strip #50: The Semi-Secret Origin of Elan & Nale
    Durkon, Elan, Elan's Mom, Mr. Jones, Nale

    <text> The Order of the Sick Presents...
    The Semi-Secret Origin of Elan & Nale!
    (I mean, it's not like you couldn't have figured it out.)
    Elan: Wow, this is exciting. I've never been in the first group before!
    Nale: Well, Elan, I wanted the chance to talk to you. You know, the moment you opened that door, I thought to myself, "Why, here's a handsome fellow!" Ha ha ha! But seriously. I think there is a deeper relationship between us than any of which you are aware.
    Elan: Are - are you hitting on me?
    Nale: What?!?
    Elan: Because, whatever you heard about what happened at Summer Camp -
    Nale: No, no, Elan. Not like that. I meant that I think we might be brothers.
    Elan: Oh. Cool, I never had a brother before. Are you sure?
    Nale: No, but I thought we could compare stories of our childhoods and see if they match.
    Elan: Ooo! Ooo! Me first!
    <flashback started>
    [overlay] Elan: My Mommy raised me by herself. She's a barmaid, and the nicest, kindest person in the whole village. She told me that my Dad was a mean fighting guy who left her and me behind when he went off to battle.
    Elan's Mom: <singing> ♪ ♪ Serve, serve, serve, serve refreshing adult beverages! ♪
    <scene changed>
    [overlay] Nale: Ah, see, now, my Father was a cold and ruthless general of a nigh-unstoppable army. He told me he had abandoned my goody-two-shoes mother in some small backwards village
    <text> BABY ON BOARD
    <flashback ended>
    Elan: Aw man, those stories don't mat at all!
    <sfx> SMACK!
    Elan: Wow, those stories match perfectly! I wonder why they split up, though.
    <flashback started>
    Mr. Jones: Your honor, my client is suing for divorce on the grounds of Irreconcilable Alignment Differences. He's Lawful Evil and hi wife appears to be Chaotic Good.
    <flashback ended>
    Nale: I'm also unable to explain the apparent gulf in our mental faculties...
    <flashback started>
    Elan's Mom: Nale! Stop hitting your twin brother in his soft undeveloped baby skull!
    <sfx> SMACK!
    <flashback ended>
    Nale: ...And it certainly doesn't explain why they would never tell us about each other.
    Elan: Oh, that I understand. See, by not telling us, it increases the potential for dramatic tension should we ever encounter each other as adults.
    Durkon: Go fish.
    Elan: What? Oh, I'm a bard, that kind of stuffs comes naturally.
    Nale: A bard, huh? My father taught me that bards were underpowered.
    Elan: Really? So what class are you?
    Nale: I'm a mutliclass fighter/rogue/sorcerer who specializes in enchantment spells.
    Elan: And that never struck you as needlessly complicated?
    Nale: Not until this moment, no.

    Spoiler: Strip #277 // Underline
    Show
    Strip #277: The Crayons of Time: Breaking Up is Hard to Do
    Celia, Dorukan, Elan, Girard, Haley, Roy, Serini, Shojo, Soon, Vaarsuvius

    <crayons started>
    Shojo: The party agreed that the gates could not be allowed to fall into the hands of evil, but they disagreed on how best to defend them.
    [narrated] Dorukan: Only the most epic magic can defend the gates.
    [narrated] Soon: Magic? Your magic can be dispelled or disrupted. Only the honor of a paladin is unbreakable.
    [narrated] Girard: Honor, yeah, that and a silver piece will get you a hunk of cheese.
    Shojo: With the death of Kraagor still weighing heavy on their hearts, the disagreements turned into arguments, the arguments turned into blame, and the blame turned into something ugly.
    [narrated] Soon: You don't care if the gates fall, as long as you can research a new spell!
    [narrated] Dorukan: And you don't care if your allies fall, as long as you avenge your dead wife!
    Shojo: Anger and resentment that had simmered through years of adventuring were suddenly unleashed. Words were said that could never be taken back. Spells were readied in anger, and blades drawn in self-defense. Only the lone voice of a halfling woman prevent bloodshed.
    [narrated] Serini: STOP!!
    Shojo: Knowing that the party would never travel again after what had been said, Serini devised a compromise that would allow the five adventurers to part ways while still protecting the five gates.
    [narrated] Serini: Look, we all think we know how to best defend the gates, right? So let's split them up. There's five of us and five of them. We each take the one closest to our homeland. We retire, and build a stronghold to defend our chosen gate, however we see fit. And we agree, no interference in the other four gates. We'll set up some kind of monitoring divination to tell if someone else's gate is broken, but that's it. No spying, no "just checking in" visits, no nothing. We leave here today and that's it. We're done with each other.
    Shojo: They agreed, and swore an oath to that effect. And as far as we know, no two have ever laid eyes one each other since. Dorukan left for the Redmountain Hills, where he spent years warding his gate with the most powerful sigils he could imagine. Lirian returned to the rift that she had first found with Soon. She enlisted the aid of the creatures of the forest in its defense. Girard Draketooth hid his desert gate behind an endless series of cunning illusions, relying on the power of deception to protect the gate. Even though it had been her idea, Serini wasn't really the type for retiring.
    [narrated] Serini: OK, set the purple worms down gently, we don't want a repeat of the Roc Incident.
    Shojo: She decided that she would build a tomb for Kraagor, and fill it with the nastiest monsters in the world, to reflect his belief in the power of physical might. And Soon, hew believed more than anything in the power of honor, truth and loyalty. He returned to Azure City and selected the noblest samurai to join him as his paladins. He named his fighting force the Sapphire Guard. We know little else about the other four, as the oaths taken by each paladin prevent them from seeking out the other gates. But we do know that Soon sent his men and women on a crusade to wipe out all who would threaten the Azure City gate, no matter how far removed geographically. In the process, they purged all mention of the gates and the rifts from libraries. It was if the events of the previous few years had never happened. When I was but a boy, learning at my father's knee, an aged Soon came to him and transferred command of the Sapphire Guard. Soon said that it was crucial that the defense of the city and the defense of the gate be held in the same capable hands. He died shortly thereafter.
    <crayons ended>
    Shojo: And when my father passed on, the duty and all of the secrets passed on to me. For 47 years, I have commanded the Sapphire Guard. And when I die, my nephew Hinjo here will be Lord of the city. And now you know the Secret Lore of the Sapphire Guard.
    Celia: Psssst! Flashback's over!
    Roy: Huh? Oh geez!
    Elan: Aren't we supposed to get a 2-panel warning?
    Haley: Zfq bq nzml??
    (H): Are we back??
    Vaarsuvius: That is it, when this story arc is over, I shall be calling my agent.



    Spoiler: Strip #1 // Bolded Square Brackets
    Show
    Strip #1: New Edition
    Belkar, Durkon, Elan, Goblin, Haley, Roy, Vaarsuvius

    [Elan]: <singing> ♪ ♪
    [Goblin]: Grrrr!
    <sfx> boing!
    [Haley]: What the hell? That goblin was gonna knock you on your ass.
    [Durkon]: I dinnae know. I jus' felt really...stable.
    (D): I don't know. I just felt really...stable.
    <sfx> POP!
    [Roy]: Uhhh...I think it's a chain shirt.
    [Elan]: Sweet!
    [Vaarsuvius]: I understand. I believe we are being converted to the new 3.5 edition.
    [Roy]: Well, I do feel more intimidating...
    [Belkar]: YES! I've been doing this ranger crap for 3 years now, it's about time for an upgrade. C'mon, c'mon, Daddy needs some new skill points!
    <sfx> waa!
    <sfx> waa!
    <sfx> wawawawa!
    [Roy]: Ooooo...Weapon shrinkage.
    [Haley]: Tee hee, it's so tiny!
    [Belkar]: DAMN IT!
    <sfx> ping!
    [Elan]: Ooh! Skill points!
    [Belkar]: DAMN IT!

    Spoiler: Strip #50 // Bolded Square Brackets
    Show
    Strip #50: The Semi-Secret Origin of Elan & Nale
    Durkon, Elan, Elan's Mom, Mr. Jones, Nale

    <text> The Order of the Sick Presents...
    The Semi-Secret Origin of Elan & Nale!
    (I mean, it's not like you couldn't have figured it out.)
    [Elan]: Wow, this is exciting. I've never been in the first group before!
    [Nale]: Well, Elan, I wanted the chance to talk to you. You know, the moment you opened that door, I thought to myself, "Why, here's a handsome fellow!" Ha ha ha! But seriously. I think there is a deeper relationship between us than any of which you are aware.
    [Elan]: Are - are you hitting on me?
    [Nale]: What?!?
    [Elan]: Because, whatever you heard about what happened at Summer Camp -
    [Nale]: No, no, Elan. Not like that. I meant that I think we might be brothers.
    [Elan]: Oh. Cool, I never had a brother before. Are you sure?
    [Nale]: No, but I thought we could compare stories of our childhoods and see if they match.
    [Elan]: Ooo! Ooo! Me first!
    <flashback started>
    [overlay] [Elan]: My Mommy raised me by herself. She's a barmaid, and the nicest, kindest person in the whole village. She told me that my Dad was a mean fighting guy who left her and me behind when he went off to battle.
    [Elan's Mom]: <singing> ♪ ♪ Serve, serve, serve, serve refreshing adult beverages! ♪
    <scene changed>
    [overlay] [Nale]: Ah, see, now, my Father was a cold and ruthless general of a nigh-unstoppable army. He told me he had abandoned my goody-two-shoes mother in some small backwards village
    <text> BABY ON BOARD
    <flashback ended>
    [Elan]: Aw man, those stories don't mat at all!
    <sfx> SMACK!
    [Elan]: Wow, those stories match perfectly! I wonder why they split up, though.
    <flashback started>
    [Mr. Jones]: Your honor, my client is suing for divorce on the grounds of Irreconcilable Alignment Differences. He's Lawful Evil and hi wife appears to be Chaotic Good.
    <flashback ended>
    [Nale]: I'm also unable to explain the apparent gulf in our mental faculties...
    <flashback started>
    [Elan's Mom]: Nale! Stop hitting your twin brother in his soft undeveloped baby skull!
    <sfx> SMACK!
    <flashback ended>
    [Nale]: ...And it certainly doesn't explain why they would never tell us about each other.
    [Elan]: Oh, that I understand. See, by not telling us, it increases the potential for dramatic tension should we ever encounter each other as adults.
    [Durkon]: Go fish.
    [Elan]: What? Oh, I'm a bard, that kind of stuffs comes naturally.
    [Nale]: A bard, huh? My father taught me that bards were underpowered.
    [Elan]: Really? So what class are you?
    [Nale]: I'm a mutliclass fighter/rogue/sorcerer who specializes in enchantment spells.
    [Elan]: And that never struck you as needlessly complicated?
    [Nale]: Not until this moment, no.

    Spoiler: Strip #277 // Bolded Square Brackets
    Show
    Strip #277: The Crayons of Time: Breaking Up is Hard to Do
    Celia, Dorukan, Elan, Girard, Haley, Roy, Serini, Shojo, Soon, Vaarsuvius

    <crayons started>
    [Shojo]: The party agreed that the gates could not be allowed to fall into the hands of evil, but they disagreed on how best to defend them.
    [narrated] [Dorukan]: Only the most epic magic can defend the gates.
    [narrated] [Soon]: Magic? Your magic can be dispelled or disrupted. Only the honor of a paladin is unbreakable.
    [narrated] [Girard]: Honor, yeah, that and a silver piece will get you a hunk of cheese.
    [Shojo]: With the death of Kraagor still weighing heavy on their hearts, the disagreements turned into arguments, the arguments turned into blame, and the blame turned into something ugly.
    [narrated] [Soon]: You don't care if the gates fall, as long as you can research a new spell!
    [narrated] [Dorukan]: And you don't care if your allies fall, as long as you avenge your dead wife!
    [Shojo]: Anger and resentment that had simmered through years of adventuring were suddenly unleashed. Words were said that could never be taken back. Spells were readied in anger, and blades drawn in self-defense. Only the lone voice of a halfling woman prevent bloodshed.
    [narrated] [Serini]: STOP!!
    [Shojo]: Knowing that the party would never travel again after what had been said, Serini devised a compromise that would allow the five adventurers to part ways while still protecting the five gates.
    [narrated] [Serini]: Look, we all think we know how to best defend the gates, right? So let's split them up. There's five of us and five of them. We each take the one closest to our homeland. We retire, and build a stronghold to defend our chosen gate, however we see fit. And we agree, no interference in the other four gates. We'll set up some kind of monitoring divination to tell if someone else's gate is broken, but that's it. No spying, no "just checking in" visits, no nothing. We leave here today and that's it. We're done with each other.
    [Shojo]: They agreed, and swore an oath to that effect. And as far as we know, no two have ever laid eyes one each other since. Dorukan left for the Redmountain Hills, where he spent years warding his gate with the most powerful sigils he could imagine. Lirian returned to the rift that she had first found with Soon. She enlisted the aid of the creatures of the forest in its defense. Girard Draketooth hid his desert gate behind an endless series of cunning illusions, relying on the power of deception to protect the gate. Even though it had been her idea, Serini wasn't really the type for retiring.
    [narrated] [Serini]: OK, set the purple worms down gently, we don't want a repeat of the Roc Incident.
    [Shojo]: She decided that she would build a tomb for Kraagor, and fill it with the nastiest monsters in the world, to reflect his belief in the power of physical might. And Soon, hew believed more than anything in the power of honor, truth and loyalty. He returned to Azure City and selected the noblest samurai to join him as his paladins. He named his fighting force the Sapphire Guard. We know little else about the other four, as the oaths taken by each paladin prevent them from seeking out the other gates. But we do know that Soon sent his men and women on a crusade to wipe out all who would threaten the Azure City gate, no matter how far removed geographically. In the process, they purged all mention of the gates and the rifts from libraries. It was if the events of the previous few years had never happened. When I was but a boy, learning at my father's knee, an aged Soon came to him and transferred command of the Sapphire Guard. Soon said that it was crucial that the defense of the city and the defense of the gate be held in the same capable hands. He died shortly thereafter.
    <crayons ended>
    [Shojo]: And when my father passed on, the duty and all of the secrets passed on to me. For 47 years, I have commanded the Sapphire Guard. And when I die, my nephew Hinjo here will be Lord of the city. And now you know the Secret Lore of the Sapphire Guard.
    [Celia]: Psssst! Flashback's over!
    [Roy]: Huh? Oh geez!
    [Elan]: Aren't we supposed to get a 2-panel warning?
    [Haley]: Zfq bq nzml??
    (H): Are we back??
    [Vaarsuvius]: That is it, when this story arc is over, I shall be calling my agent.


    I prefer Bold.


    Doing this I noticed some other not yet touched topic:

    How to deal with characters that are narrated/imagined by other characters?
    I personally used basically the format " [modifier] Charackter: <tone> ", with tone being the voice of the character (so things like <whispering>, <singing>, <thinking>), while I used the modifier to note special circumstances (like [overlay], [narrated] or [Elan's imagination]). For me both presented fundamental different things, especially the tone might even combined with other other stuff and something like <whispering, overlay> doesn't sound great to me. (And that is the reason I don't lake the square brackets. Without that issue I think bolded square brackets would be my second favorite.)

    The other questions whether such additional information should be emphasized, too. (I personally think it is not really needed, since it only appears along the potentially already emphasized Character Name - and also feature brackets)


    I'm not sure if I will PM you a second version. Honestly splitting the transcript between multiple PMs (which is even more than posts) seems just horrible dumb if it would normally be so easy to just send a textfile or so per email (other than that this option somehow seems to not work with you )

    (And I noticed that the "Go Fish" from Durkon is really odd in strip 50. Maybe it would be good to add a [Background] or something before it)

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  5. - Top - End - #35
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    TheWombatOfDoom's Avatar

    Join Date
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Quote Originally Posted by ChristianSt View Post
    Some more format examples/testing:

    *Snip*

    I prefer Bold.
    Thanks for this! Hrmmmm....

    Doing this I noticed some other not yet touched topic:

    How to deal with characters that are narrated/imagined by other characters?
    I personally used basically the format " [modifier] Charackter: <tone> ", with tone being the voice of the character (so things like <whispering>, <singing>, <thinking>), while I used the modifier to note special circumstances (like [overlay], [narrated] or [Elan's imagination]). For me both presented fundamental different things, especially the tone might even combined with other other stuff and something like <whispering, overlay> doesn't sound great to me. (And that is the reason I don't lake the square brackets. Without that issue I think bolded square brackets would be my second favorite.)
    Ah, like when Roy imagines his party failing to keep watch, early in the comic? I'll look back and see. I'm thinking maybe I should post "book 1" as a test run, and we can look at things contextually that way, and I can change them as needed. That way we can actively work out the kinks on actual material. Thoughts?

    The other questions whether such additional information should be emphasized, too. (I personally think it is not really needed, since it only appears along the potentially already emphasized Character Name - and also feature brackets)
    Yeah, no need to emphasize those. Then we get the problem of loosing emphasis by over emphasis.

    I'm not sure if I will PM you a second version. Honestly splitting the transcript between multiple PMs (which is even more than posts) seems just horrible dumb if it would normally be so easy to just send a textfile or so per email (other than that this option somehow seems to not work with you )

    (And I noticed that the "Go Fish" from Durkon is really odd in strip 50. Maybe it would be good to add a [Background] or something before it)
    I'm giving you what methods I can. I have my transcript saved on a file at work. I can't plug in a USB to my work computer, because I'm not authorized to plug in external devices into a computer. I can't access my own mail (gmail) because it's blocked by a filter. I can't send or recieve stuff unrelated to work at my work email, and even if I did, the language in the transcript hits flags that disallow it from sending/recieving and notify my higher ups. So, PMing is really the only option. If you'd like to change it in your google doc, I can copy it from there and PM myself. The only difference there is who does it, me or you. Your group was particularly verbose, so it took me 5 PM's the first time around. Most people it takes 3 to 4.

    Random comments such as "Go Fish" likely are going to be hard to understand from a transcription level, and if we get too far into it, we're going to run the risk of narroration instead of transcription. I'd say leave it as is. I try in "aside commentry" to order it at the end of the conversation if it doesn't have anything to relate to the conversation at hand.
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  6. - Top - End - #36
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    ClericGirl

    Join Date
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Question about the <flashback> tags, do they apply to flashbacks where the only text is voiceover? For example, is it

    <flashback>
    Tarquin: <voiceover> Enter Queen Shvitzer and her handlers. After the so-called Free City of Doom has had a few months of brutality under the Empire of Tears, my final two associates in the Empire of Sweat will arrange for the "liberation" of the city.
    <end flashback>
    <flashback>
    Amun-Zora: <voiceover> They turned on us almost immediately, overcoming the guard and opening the front gates to the city. The Empire of Tears overran the city by noon.
    <end flashback>
    or do I take the <flashback>s out and just leave it as <voiceover>?

  7. - Top - End - #37
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    NinjaGirl

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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Quote Originally Posted by TheWombatOfDoom View Post
    I'm giving you what methods I can. I have my transcript saved on a file at work. I can't plug in a USB to my work computer, because I'm not authorized to plug in external devices into a computer. I can't access my own mail (gmail) because it's blocked by a filter. I can't send or recieve stuff unrelated to work at my work email, and even if I did, the language in the transcript hits flags that disallow it from sending/recieving and notify my higher ups. So, PMing is really the only option. If you'd like to change it in your google doc, I can copy it from there and PM myself. The only difference there is who does it, me or you. Your group was particularly verbose, so it took me 5 PM's the first time around. Most people it takes 3 to 4.
    Sorry, just as a quick aside - would saving the email as a draft in your work email and then accessing it at home work, or can you not access your work email from home? It seems like it'd get you around the PM character limit, and since it's only a draft it wouldn't run through the filter.

    Regardless, I'm on board with the idea of posting the first book as a test run and figuring things out from there, since I think it's a good small scale run that'll let us decide some things for the rest of this big ol' repository.
    Last edited by DaggerPen; 2014-04-03 at 11:37 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dalek Kommander View Post
    Heartless? Those flaming letters spelled ELAN! How many sons can honestly say their father has murdered dozens of human beings just to show how much they care?

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant View Post
    First, I'm impressed that this topic went so far off topic that it ended up back at The Order of the Stick.
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  8. - Top - End - #38
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    If you haven't noticed from the strip I posted with emphasis examples, strip 50 features overlay, and strip 277 features narrated characters. The crayon part is basically the only reason I did 277 (debugging), 50 because it features 1.5 pages (and the flashback/scene change is also nice to have). Basically most strips I did outside of 700-750 feature some special things I wanted to test my script against.


    Quote Originally Posted by oppyu View Post
    Question about the <flashback> tags, do they apply to flashbacks where the only text is voiceover? For example, is it
    or do I take the <flashback>s out and just leave it as <voiceover>?

    I personally would keep both. (Because without the flashback it doesn't really tell why there is a voiceover).

    But this is another nice example of why I don't like <voiceover> after the character name, and would put a [voiceover] before it . (Because to me it signalizes that it is an voiceover inside the flashback, not a voiceover coming from outside of it.)


    @Book 1 Test: If you want you can do it, though I personally wouldn't test with the complete book, but only with 2 or 3 complete posts (so probably something around 50 strips).


    @Email/PM: It is a bit off-topic (though it was off-topic as I started it): Yes you said it isn't doable. And I personally don't really care why it isn't doable. But nevertheless I can say that PM'ing isn't a great way to do it.

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  9. - Top - End - #39
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Quote Originally Posted by oppyu View Post
    Question about the <flashback> tags, do they apply to flashbacks where the only text is voiceover? For example, is it

    or do I take the <flashback>s out and just leave it as <voiceover>?
    Keep the flashbacks. I'll be putting up something on flashbacks. What would the terms be for like, when Roy is imagining, or something? How would we handle the illusion in Girard's Pyramid?

    Quote Originally Posted by DaggerPen View Post
    Sorry, just as a quick aside - would saving the email as a draft in your work email and then accessing it at home work, or can you not access your work email from home? It seems like it'd get you around the PM character limit, and since it's only a draft it wouldn't run through the filter.

    Regardless, I'm on board with the idea of posting the first book as a test run and figuring things out from there, since I think it's a good small scale run that'll let us decide some things for the rest of this big ol' repository.
    Nope, can't access work email from home, can't access home email from work. It's really annoying.

    Quote Originally Posted by ChristianSt View Post
    But this is another nice example of why I don't like <voiceover> after the character name, and would put a [voiceover] before it . (Because to me it signalizes that it is an voiceover inside the flashback, not a voiceover coming from outside of it.)


    @Book 1 Test: If you want you can do it, though I personally wouldn't test with the complete book, but only with 2 or 3 complete posts (so probably something around 50 strips).


    @Email/PM: It is a bit off-topic (though it was off-topic as I started it): Yes you said it isn't doable. And I personally don't really care why it isn't doable. But nevertheless I can say that PM'ing isn't a great way to do it.
    I'm thinking on the implications, because I'll need to explain it clearly in the format, and also regulate it so that people don't get confused and switch them, or but something strange in. What about a voice over the WAS in the flashback? What then? If we do go with this format, it also helps with the decision for what emphasis to go on for the names: Bold or Nothing.

    For Book 1, I think I'll start on that now. I have the posts pretty much ready to go, at least with the first batch, and I can easily make changes to it here on the boards rather than in a word document.

    For Email/PM, I was taking the opportunity to state my predicament here for everyone to see. PM's might not be the best for everyone, but it's the best for me. The only other option is submitting them on the thread, but I was worried about order confusion and such in that regard. Maybe that's not so bad when we use your suggested set up....I'd just like it spoilered in such a way that people don't think it is the actually book, since the list of spoilers would look nearly identical. Is that a fair compromise?
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Quote Originally Posted by TheWombatOfDoom View Post
    Keep the flashbacks. I'll be putting up something on flashbacks. What would the terms be for like, when Roy is imagining, or something? How would we handle the illusion in Girard's Pyramid?
    I have <fantasy> and <end fantasy> for the spot where Tarkie imagines Elan as a conflicted hero tortured over being doomed to kill his father.<illusion> and <end illusion> should work for the Girard's Pyramid bit, and <fantasy> works for most of the imagine spots we see in the comic. One part I'm not sure about is that gag where the superhero Firestorm is playing poker with other heroes and thinks he hears someone saying his name... <cutaway> maybe? Or <fantasy>, I don't see too much complaint either way.

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    Quote Originally Posted by oppyu View Post
    I have <fantasy> and <end fantasy> for the spot where Tarkie imagines Elan as a conflicted hero tortured over being doomed to kill his father.<illusion> and <end illusion> should work for the Girard's Pyramid bit, and <fantasy> works for most of the imagine spots we see in the comic. One part I'm not sure about is that gag where the superhero Firestorm is playing poker with other heroes and thinks he hears someone saying his name... <cutaway> maybe? Or <fantasy>, I don't see too much complaint either way.
    I like <cutaway> <end cutaway>, and I think that would be good for one panel scene changes (like when Roy says what are the chances that two doors in a row are trapped, and it cuts away to Xykon saying - Pretty good, actually). What about for scene changes within a strip, to a different place for more than one panel?

    <illusion> <end illusion> works.

    Not so hot on <fantasy> though. Though I'm hard pressed to find an alternative that isn't clunky. It should probably also designate WHO is having the fantasy/dream/imagined thing.

    Also, another thought, what about instead of <end something> it's </something> ? Or is that too codey?
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  12. - Top - End - #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheWombatOfDoom View Post
    I like <cutaway> <end cutaway>, and I think that would be good for one panel scene changes (like when Roy says what are the chances that two doors in a row are trapped, and it cuts away to Xykon saying - Pretty good, actually). What about for scene changes within a strip, to a different place for more than one panel?

    <illusion> <end illusion> works.

    Not so hot on <fantasy> though. Though I'm hard pressed to find an alternative that isn't clunky. It should probably also designate WHO is having the fantasy/dream/imagined thing.

    Also, another thought, what about instead of <end something> it's </something> ? Or is that too codey?
    <cutaway> does work, and it's applicable to all of the one-panel scene changes that aren't explicitly flashbacks. But I don't think it should be noted every time there's a scene change, or else strips like Spins of the Father and Land of the Rising... are going to be a pain. I vote we narrate the one-panel cutaways, and as for the rest we just trust readers to understand the context or follow the link to the strip in question.

    Yeah, like I said we could effectively replace any <fantasy> tags with <cutaway>. It does sound better. As for designating who is having the fantasy, it seems unnecessary. Either it's blatantly obvious who is having the fantasy, or it's ambiguous enough that we can't confidently say. Either way, trust readers to understand the context.

    Both would be fine, but personally I prefer the <end ______>. Makes it feel more scripty. Although </______> does have the advantage of saving a few characters each time if we're pressed for character space room.

  13. - Top - End - #43
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    The OotS Transcript - Strips 0 to 30
    Book 1: Dungeon Crawlin' Fools
    Previous Page | Index | Next Page

    Spoiler: Strip 0
    Show
    Cast of Characters
    Elan, Durkon, Haley, Belkar, Vaarsuvius, Roy

    <Announcement Text> Introducing the finest adventurers in the land, the Order of the Stick. Elan the Bard, minstrel extraordinaire and master of enchantment.
    Elan: The world is my muse!
    <Announcement Text> The always dependable Durkon Thundershield, dwarven cleric.
    Durkon: Me hammer is always ready, lads.
    (D) My hammer is always ready, lads.
    <Announcement Text> The roguish Haley Starshine, whose deadly aim is matched only by her beauty.
    <note text> I.O. Me One big-ass diamond.
    Haley: Diamonds ARE a girl's best friend!
    <Announcement Text> Halfling ranger Belkar Bitterleaf, the world's best tracker under 4 feet tall.
    Belkar: What a total waste of time.
    <Announcement Text> The mysterious Vaarsuvius, keeper of a thousand arcane secrets.
    Vaarsuvius: And each one would drive you mad! MAD!
    <Announcement Text> And their battle-hardened leader, Roy Greenhilt, veteran fighter.
    Roy: I am NOT reading that. I refuse to play into that "Fighters are stupid" cliché.
    Haley: Hey, listen, if I can suffer through that stereotyped girly-girl stuff, and Elan can read the ridiculous thing he had to read...
    Elan: But I wrote that myself...
    <paper text> script
    Haley: ...then you can quit whining and read what's in the script!
    Belkar: Seriously. Mine had a short joke, for crying out loud.
    Roy: OK! OK! I'll read it!
    <Announcement Text> And their battle-hardened leader, Roy Greenhilt, veteran fighter.
    Roy: Grr. Roy smash puny kobolds.
    Haley: Hee.
    Roy: I have an MBA, you know.

    Spoiler: Strip 1
    Show
    New Edition
    Elan, Roy, Durkon, Haley, Vaarsuvius, Belkar, Goblin

    Goblin: Grrrr!
    <sfx> boing!
    Haley: What the hell? That goblin was gonna knock you on your ass.
    Durkon: I dinnae know. I jus' felt really...stable.
    (D): I don't know. I just felt really...stable.
    <sfx> POP!
    Roy: Uhhh...I think it's a chain shirt.
    Elan: Sweet!
    Vaarsuvius: I understand. I believe we are being converted to the new 3.5 edition.
    Roy: Well, I do feel more intimidating...
    Belkar: YES! I've been doing this ranger crap for 3 years now, it's about time for an upgrade. C'mon, c'mon, Daddy needs some new skill points!
    <sfx> waa!
    <sfx> waa!
    <sfx> wawawawa!
    Roy: Ooooo... Weapon shrinkage.
    Haley: Tee hee, it's so tiny!
    Belkar: DAMN IT!
    <sfx> ping!
    Elan: Ooh! Skill points!
    Belkar: DAMN IT!

    Spoiler: Strip 2
    Show
    Second Grade All Over Again
    Roy, Haley, Vaarsuvius, Belkar, Elan, Durkon

    Elan: <singing> Skill points! I love my six new skill points!
    Roy: This level is huge... We're never going to find the stairs down at this rate. Haley, you take half the team and scout out those corridors.
    Haley: Okay! Vaarsuvius, you're with me!
    Vaarsuvius: Our fates are now intertwined!
    Elan: Ooh!
    Roy: Oh, um, Durkon, follow me.
    Haley: Umm... Belkar.
    Belkar: Loser.
    Elan: Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!
    Haley: OK, meet up later.
    Elan: Ooh! Roy! Ooh! Ooh! C'mon! Pick me!
    Durkon: Are ye gonna-
    (D): Are you going to-
    Roy: I'm thinking.

    Spoiler: Strip 3
    Show
    See Spot Spot
    Haley, Vaarsuvius, Belkar, Goblin Ninja

    Haley: ...so the Boots of Speed were totally powerful, but they were, like, lime green.
    Vaarsuvius: Indeed. A most grave conundrum you faced.
    Belkar: Wait. I think I just failed a Spot check.
    Haley: Really? I don't see anything.
    Belkar: Exactly. Hey, V, don't you have a familiar that grants Alertness?
    Vaarsuvius: Hmm? Oh, yes, yes of course. My raven is right here.
    <sfx> pop!
    Belkar: See anything?
    Vaarsuvius: I do not.
    <sfx> pop!
    Haley: I didn't know you had a familiar...
    Goblin Ninja: Umm... we're like RIGHT here.
    Belkar: Wait! I think I just failed a Listen check!

    Spoiler: Strip 4
    Show
    The Power of Music
    Elan, Roy, Durkon, Ogre

    Elan: <singing> Jump, Jump, Jump, Jump over the Pit!
    Roy: What are you doing?
    Elan: I'm inspiring competence! I use my magical songs to life the spirit and make any task easier!
    Roy: Whatever.
    Ogre: Hunh. Hunnerd gold to pass.
    (O): Hunh. A hundred gold to pass.
    Roy: Let me handle this.
    Durkon: Aye, lad.
    (D): Yes, lad.
    Roy: Oh, uh, hello. We, uh, paid yesterday.
    Ogre: Oh, okay....
    Elan: <singing> Bluff, Bluff, Bluff, Bluff the Stupid Ogre!
    Elan: I guess he rolled his Sense Motive.
    Roy: I hate you.

    Spoiler: Strip 5
    Show
    When Plotlines Collide!
    Elan, Roy, Durkon, Belkar, Vaarsuvius, Haley

    Elan: Did we lose the ogre?
    Roy: If by “lose the ogre” you mean “attracted two of his friends,” then yes.
    Durkon: Faster please.
    <cutaway>
    Vaarsuvius: Expeditious Retreat! Expeditious Retreat!
    Belkar: I still don't see anything!
    <sfx> WHAM!
    Belkar: Ogres!
    Haley: Nice Spot check.
    Roy: whew…
    Haley: yeah...
    Roy: Wait... what were you guys running from?
    Elan: Well, this looks like a good place to rest.

    Spoiler: Strip 6
    Show
    The Cleric is 'In'
    Durkon, Belkar, Elan, Haley

    Durkon: Well, thar ogres be dun fer. So what're we doin' next? Oh. Right. Cure Serious Wounds! Cure Serious Wounds! Cure Light Wounds!
    <text> Band-Aid plastic strips, Johnson & Johnson
    (D): Well, the ogres are done for. So what are we doing next? Oh. Right. Cure Serious Wounds! Cure Serious Wounds! Cure Light Wounds!
    <sfx> Heal! Heal! Heal!
    Belkar: Hey, that was at LEAST a moderate wound!
    Elan: <singing> Clot, Clot, Clot, my bleeding arteries!
    Haley: Elan!
    Elan: Hi Haley. Look, I found all these free swords. They were in my spleen.
    Durkon: How badly are ye hurt, lad?
    (D): How badly are you hurt, lad?
    Elan: That depends... How important is one of these?

    Spoiler: Strip 7
    Show
    ThorPrayer
    Durkon, Roy, Elan, ThorPrayer®

    Durkon: Elan's in a bad way... and I'm out a CSW's now.
    Roy: Do what you can, Durkon.
    Durkon: Mighty Thor, yer humble servant asks ye for aid in me hour a' need.
    (D): Mighty Thor, your humble servant asks you for aid in my hour of need.
    ThorPrayer: Hello! And welcome to ThorPrayer®. To continue in Common, chant “one” now! Ech tod kodo kra'th, sh[cuts off] “deth” frek.
    Durkon: Umm... “One!”
    ThorPrayer: If you know the name of the miracle you would like to request, chant “one” now.
    Durkon: One!
    ThorPrayer: Please intone the first three letters of the name of the miracle now.
    Durkon: Well, I want to heal ye, so... H-E-A!
    (D): Well, I want to heal you, so... H-E-A!
    ThorPrayer: You have selected, “Heathen Smiting.” If this is correct, chant “one”. If not, chant “two”.
    Durkon: Two!
    ThorPrayer: You have selected, “Heat Blisters of Eternal Pain.” If this is correct, chant “one”. If not, chant “two”.
    Durkon: Two! TWO!
    ThorPrayer: You have selected, “Tumor.” To choose the type of tumor with which to smite Thor's enemies, chant “three” now.
    Durkon: Three. No! CRAP!
    ThorPrayer: You have selected, “Colon Tumor.”
    Durkon: Gaah!
    Elan: Umm... Could I maybe just get a potion?

    Spoiler: Strip 8
    Show
    The Benefit of a High Bluff Score
    Haley, Elan, Belkar

    Haley: Elan, I found this healing potion for you.
    Elan: Thanks, Haley!
    <sfx> glug glug glug glug
    Haley: Wow, that is some good stuff!
    Elan: I'll say! But how did it fix my cloak...?
    Belkar: Have either of you guys seen a green bottle around – HEY! You took my potion!
    Haley: What? Oh, I get it. I'm a rogue, so I must have stolen your potion. Oooo... Better bolt everything down when Haley's around – she's a ROGUE!
    Belkar: But... But you're holding the bottle!
    Haley: Frankly, Belkar, with all the unflattering images of halflings you see, I thought you would be more sensitive.
    Belkar: Um... I. uh... I didn't mean, uh...
    Haley: No, no, that's alright. I just... I just thought we were better friends than that. *Sniff*
    Elan: You should be ashamed.
    Haley: *Sniff*
    Elan: Wow. That was great.
    Haley: My daddy was a First Edition thief. It runs in the family.

    Spoiler: Strip 9
    Show
    I am Curious, Elan
    Haley, Roy, Vaarsuvius, Durkon, Elan

    Haley: What's going on?
    Roy: We found a magic belt on one of the ogres. V-man is casting Identify.
    Haley: I bet it's a Belt of Giant Strength.
    Roy: Yeah? 10 gold says it's not.
    Elan: It could be a Belt of Many Pockets.
    Roy: Good guess, if it weren't for the fact that it doesn't have any, oh I don't know, POCKETS.
    Vaarsuvius: Lo! I have completed my divinations. This object of arcane power is a Girdle of Feminity/Masculinity.
    Roy: A what?
    Vaarsuvius: The belt contains a complex enchantment that transforms the wearer into the opposite gender.
    Roy: You're kidding.
    Vaarsuvius: I am not.
    Durkon: Eeek!
    Roy: What a piece of crap! Let's get out of here. You owe me 10 gold.
    Haley: Yeah, that's gonna happen.

    Spoiler: Strip 10
    Show
    Like Entrall, Only Boring
    Elan, Belkar, Durkon, Roy, Haley, Vaarsuvius, Goblins

    Belkar: Where the hell were you?
    Elan: Ummm... nowhere.
    Durkon: <whispering> Shhhh!
    Roy: <whispering> How many?
    Haley: <whispering> Twelve... no, thirteen.
    Goblin 1: Shuk da yub-yub!
    Gobin 2: Gruuta!
    Vaarsuvius: <whispering> Sir Greenhilt, I believe I have a spell of power that may help.
    Roy: <whispering> Sounds good. And don't call me “sir”.
    Vaarsuvius: Behold your fate, creatures of darkness! Your demise is at hand, for I wield arcane power beyond your feeble goblin reasoning! The forces of the very cosmos are mine to command, and yet still you cannot comprehend the dark dismal end in store for you and your wicked compatriots. Nay! Your little brains can only leave you gasping in horror as I bend reality to my very will! The magic I wield is capable of rending asunder the universe – nay, the whole multiverse, and in fact is wasted on such pitiful creatures as yourself. But I shall bring it to bear nonetheless, and you shall rue the day I chose to wreak such unimaginable havoc on your lives with the sheer power of my arcane works. And lo, in days and years to come, when the children come to play in the smoking crater that once held your den of evil, they shall know nothing of your wicked - but all shall feel the echoes of the po -re today. And they shall - whence did this - one correct answ-
    Haley: Good job, Vaarsuvius! Your spell put the goblins to sleep!
    <sfx> Zzzzzz.
    Vaarsuvius: But... but... I did not cast my spell yet.
    <sfx> Zzzzzz.

    Spoiler: Strip 11
    Show
    Alignment Differences
    Roy, Durkon, Vaarsuvius, Elan, Belkar, Haley, Goblin Cleric

    Elan: *YAWN*
    Roy: Coup de grace! Coup de grace!
    Durkon: Uh oh...
    Goblin Cleric: Wretched do-gooders!
    Roy: Looks like someone made their Will save...
    Vaarsuvius: But I didn't CAST anything!
    Goblin Cleric: And now it's your turn! UNHOLY BLIGHT!
    Haley: Can't think...
    Elan: Can't move...
    Vaarsuvius: Overwhelmed by pure Evil...
    Roy: Hate monsters... with class levels...
    Goblin Cleric: Ha! You pure-hearted fools cannot withstand the power of Evil!
    Belkar: Hey, what's going on?
    Goblin Cleric: UNHOLY BLIGHT!
    <sfx> Stab!
    Elan: Hey, why wasn't Belkar affect-
    Roy: Best not to dwell on it.
    Belkar: Dibs on the amulet.

    Spoiler: Strip 12
    Show
    Up a Level, Down a Level
    Roy, Haley, Vaarsuvius, Belkar

    Roy: <thinking> At last, the stairs down!
    Haley: <thinking> Oooh, that goblin cleric was worth 1000 XP!
    Roy: Time to go down a level!
    Haley: Time to go up a level!
    Roy: Up a level? But we already did that.
    Haley: Sure, now we do it again.
    Roy: Why, what's down a level?
    Haley: More sneak attack!
    Roy: What?? We'll get sneak attacked if we go up a level??
    Haley: No, silly, just me.
    Roy: You want to go up a level so you can get sneak attacked?
    Haley: Naturally.
    Roy: No way. That's too dangerous. We go down a level instead.
    Haley: Down a level? Wouldn't you need, like, a vampire or something for that?
    Roy: Huh?
    Haley: Anyway, what do we get if we go DOWN a level?
    Roy: Tougher monsters!
    Haley: You want to go down a level AND face tougher monsters?
    Roy: Of course.
    Haley: Wouldn't it make more sense to go UP a level before facing tougher monsters?
    Roy: No, we already finished that level. We should go down.
    Haley: Up!
    Roy: Down!
    Haley: Up!
    Roy: Down!
    Vaarsuvius: Aha! A new spell level!
    Roy: L-E-V-E-L.
    Vaarsuvius: Huh?
    Roy: I spelled “level”.
    Vaarsuvius: But you're a fighter, you can't learn spell levels.
    Roy: Can't spell? Is that another “Fighters are dumb” crack? That's it, we're going down a level.
    Haley: Up a level!
    Vaarsuvius: But if we go down a level, I will lose my spell level.
    Roy: L-E-V-E-L.
    Vaarsuvius: HUH???
    Belkar: How much crap do we go through on a daily basis because no one at TSR looked up “level” in the thesaurus?

    Spoiler: Strip 13
    Show
    Plot, Ahoy!
    Haley, Roy, Belkar, Elan, Durkon

    Roy: The stairs down! We are one step closer to our goal!
    Haley: Why didn't you just SAY you wanted to go down?
    Belkar: We have a goal?
    Roy: Sure. Why did you think we were here?
    Belkar: Well, I just figured we'd wander around, kill some sentient creatures because they had green skin and fangs and we don't, and then take their stuff. What?
    Elan: Of course we have a goal, Belkar. Let me share it with you...
    Roy: Oh no, here we go...
    <cutaway>
    Elan: <voiceover> We quest in the deep dark Dungeon of Dorukan, a horrible pit filled with evil monsters.
    Haley: <voiceover> And treasure!
    Elan: <voiceover> Created by the mad lich Xykon, an undead mage mad with his own power. Oooo, bad lich!
    Haley: <voiceover> And treasure!
    Elan: <voiceover> But we will strike down the Xykon and make the countryside safe again!
    <sfx> Snicker snack!
    Haley: <voiceover> And treasure! Wait, that doesn't make any sense...
    <cutback>
    Belkar: This “treasure” idea intrigues me, and I wish to learn more.
    Durkon: How d'you do tha, lad, with th' pictures?
    (D): How did you do that, lad, with the pictures?
    Elan: My newest bard spell: Summon Plot Exposition!

    Spoiler: Strip 14
    Show
    Why Roy is Always Tired
    Vaarsuvius, Durkon, Roy, Haley, Belkar

    Vaarsuvius: Sir Greenhilt, I regret to inform you I have cast all but one of my world-shattering enchantments.
    Durkon: Aye, I be runnin' close to empty meself, lad.
    (D): Yes, I am running close to empty myself, lad.
    Roy: Hmm, OK, Let's camp here. V and Durkon will sleep all night. I'll take first watch. Haley, you take second.
    Haley: Got it!
    Roy: <thinking> Haley: Hee! Mine! All mine! hahahaha!
    Roy: Wait... on second thought, Belkar, you take second watch.
    Belkar: Damn it!
    Roy: <thinking> Belkar: Bwaha! I have deep-seated emotional problems! Die! Die! Die!
    Roy: No! No, wait, um, how about you rest and we let Elan–
    Roy: <thinking> Goblin: Hi, we're here to kill everyone?
    Roy: <thinking> Elan: OK!
    <hat text> DUNCE
    <sfx> Bonk! Bonk!
    Roy: *Sigh* Looks like another all-nighter.

    Spoiler: Strip 15
    Show
    Family Time
    Roy, Eugene

    Roy: *YAWN* Stupid unreliable party members...
    Eugene: Roy...Roy...
    Roy: Is someone calling me?
    Eugene: No, Roy, I'm just shouting “Roy! Roy!” for the hell of it.
    Roy: Aaaah! Dad?? But... you and Mom are both dead...
    Eugene: Yeah, funny thing about being a ghost, it has some harsh prerequisites. Now stop being shocked with disbelief and listen to this: “When the goat turns red strikes true.”
    Roy: What? I don't – I don't understand.
    Eugene: Of course you don't understand yet, it's foreshadowing.
    Roy: Foreshadowing?
    Eugene: Good gods, boy, it's a common literary technique used to build tension by hinting at events yet to come. Didn't they teach you anything in that fancy Fighter College I sent you to? Of course, your mother wanted you to be a wizard, but nooooo. I had to pay 40,000 gp a year in tuition so you could learn to swing a big sword!
    Roy: It’s called a greatsword, Dad.
    Eugene: Feh. Well, I'm playing canasta with some archons tonight, gotta go.
    Roy: Wait, Dad!
    Eugene: Remember, Roy: “When the goat turns red strikes true.” And what, they have no clerics where you live? Would it kill you to Speak With Dead once in a while to let your mother and me know how you're doing?

    Spoiler: Strip 16
    Show
    Turn of Phrase
    Roy, Vaarsuvius, Durkon

    Roy: You're up early.
    Vaarsuvius: Technically, I do not sleep.
    Roy: Join the club. Hey, V, how much do you know about spirits?
    Vaarsuvius: My knowledge of the denizens of the underworld is unmatched.
    Roy: I think I was just visited by a ghost.
    Durkon: A ghost? TURN UNDEAD!
    Roy: Gaah!
    Vaarsuvius: My eyes!
    Roy: Durkon, we're just talking. There's no undead. Go back to sleep.
    Durkon: Oh, sorry.
    Vaarsuvius: So you received a message from beyond the veil? No doubt with a message of import?
    Roy: Yeah, I suppose. That, and a guilt trip.
    Vaarsuvius: In my experience, one should always heed such missives from the grave. The way in which humans often ignore such omens leaves me aghast.
    Durkon: A ghast? TURN UNDEAD!
    Roy: Argh! Damn it, Durkon!
    Vaarsuvius: My eyes!!!!
    Durkon: Argh, sorry, sorry. I jess hate them undead so. Won't happen agin. Um, sooo.... back to bed, then.
    (D): Argh, sorry, sorry. I just hate the undead so much. Won't happen again. Um, sooo.... back to bed, then.
    Roy: ANYWAY... I think the spirit was my father.
    Vaarsuvius: Indeed? Then I would give his words additional weight, as such signs are rare.
    Roy: I guess that means him and Mom are up there looking after me, which is kinda cool.
    Durkon: A lich is binding ghouls? TURN UNDEAD!
    Roy: OK, now you're stretching it.
    Vaarsuvius: Sweet merciful gods, my poor useless eyes!

    Spoiler: Strip 17
    Show
    Rapier Wit
    Durkon, Elan, Haley, Roy, Trigak, Belkar

    Roy: I'll watch over Vaarsuvius and Trigger-Happy here while they prepare their spells.
    Durkon: Heh. Sorry.
    Roy: You three sneaky people, go scout or something.
    Belkar: Why do we gotta take Elan? He's totally useless.
    Haley: He's not useless... he's use-impaired.
    Elan: Thanks, Haley!
    Haley: You're not helping.
    Belkar: Bah! Elan, do you even carry a weapon?
    Elan: Sure! I have a rapier.
    Belkar: You call that skinny thing a weapon? I could Sunder that by speaking too loudly!
    Elan: But you can do this!
    <sfx> scratch! scratch! scratch!
    Elan: Ta-da!
    <text> The Order of the Stick was here!
    Belkar: Wow, OK, that is impressive.
    Haley: Cool!
    Trigak: And it makes our job of finding you so much easier!
    Belkar: We just failed our Hide AND our Spot checks, didn't we?
    Trigak: Oh yeah. Big time.
    Belkar: DAMN IT!
    <sfx> sunder!

    Spoiler: Strip 18
    Show
    Double Surprise
    Belkar, Elan, Trigak, Haley

    Belkar: What the hell is THAT thing?
    Elan: I don't know – I must have failed my Bardic Lore roll.
    Trigak: We are the chimera Trigak. Xykon knows you have slain many goblins. He sent us. Now you die.
    Belkar: I'm surprised.
    Elan: Me too.
    Haley: Yes, well, allow me to offer your employer this counter-proposal: SNEAK ATTACK!
    <sfx> twang!
    Elan: <whispering> Pssst – Haley, you won initiative, go again!
    Haley: Oh, right... SNEAK ATTACK!
    <sfx> twang!
    Trigak: Wow, that first attack was surprising... But I REALLY didn't expect the second one. Stupid sneak attacks.

    Spoiler: Strip 19
    Show
    Evade!
    Belkar, Elan, Haley, Trigak

    Belkar: We need to attack!
    Elan: How? You broke my rapier!
    Haley: Look out, the dragon head! Evasion!
    <sfx> wink!
    Belkar: Attack!
    Elan: <singing> Dodge, dodge dodge the inevitable counterattack.
    Haley: We need to get out of here – he's too strong!
    Elan: I'll create a cunning illusion to distract him while we run. Run!
    Belkar: You've got to be kidding.
    Trigak: I'm sorry, we're in a committed relationship right now. It's not you, it's us. After them!
    Haley: Awwww, that's so sweet.
    Belkar: Nice distraction, idiot, he's right on our tail!
    Elan: Hey, how was I supposed to know he ain't a playa.
    Belkar: Never say “playa” again.

    Spoiler: Strip 20
    Show
    Arcanolypse Now
    Vaarsuvius, Roy, Trigak, Haley, Belkar, Elan

    Roy: All done?
    Vaarsuvius: Indeed. I have refreshed my repertoire of magic spells. My mind is afire with the arcane power that threatens to burst forth. The day is new, and the dawn, while unseen, greets my freshly-renewed mystic power. If only I had a target which to unleash my might magic...
    Trigak: Xykon sends you death!
    Haley: Help! Roy! V!
    Roy: It's all you, dog.
    Vaarsuvius: I love the smell of bat guano in the morning. Smells like... victory. FIREBALL!
    <sfx> BOOM!
    Trigak: Arrrgh!
    Vaarsuvius: Lightning Bolt!
    <sfx> ZZZZAP!
    Trigak: Arrrgh!
    Vaarsuvius: Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion!!!!
    Trigak: Wait, what? AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!
    Roy: Oof, that has GOT to be uncomfortable.
    Elan: I can't watch.
    Belkar: In the future, remind me to wait until late afternoon before insulting Vaarsuvius.
    Trigak: The horror... the horror!
    Belkar: At the earliest.

    Spoiler: Strip 21
    Show
    It's All About the Drama
    Trigak, Belkar, Haley, Roy, Vaarsuvius, Elan

    Trigak: Fly away! I'm not comfortable with being grappled there! You may have won this round, Order of the Stick, but we swear revenge on you! When you least expect-! GAK! GAK! GAK!
    <sfx> WOOMPH!
    Belkar: Oh yeah! Who da halfling? I'm da halfling!
    Haley: Belkar! He was supposed to get away!
    Belkar: What you talkin' bout, Haley?
    Haley: Duh! He was obviously supposed to be a recurring villain! I mean, he had a name! And he was in the middle of swearing to get us and our little dog, too. It's pretty clear he was going to come back.
    Roy: Hmmm... A goat head. Kind of.
    Vaarsuvius: Excuse me?
    Belkar: Well... this way we get XP from him.
    Haley: Hellooo! We defeated him, we would have gotten XP anyway!
    Roy: “When the goat turns red, strike true.” That's what my Dad said.
    Vaarsuvius: Hmm. The goat did become angry - “turned red” to use the vernacular – and then Belkar indeed struck true.
    Roy: Ugh, if that's it, that is the most lame-ass prophecy in the long history of lame-ass prophecies.
    Belkar: Umm, maybe he'll come back as a vampire or something.
    Haley: No, no. Too late. We don't see him again.
    Elan: Or will they?
    <sfx> dun dun DUN!!!!
    Roy: Elan! Stop doing dramatic musical cues for the dead chimera!
    Elan: Sorry.

    Spoiler: Strip 22
    Show
    Leadership in Action
    Roy, Belkar

    Roy: Hey Belkar. I've been discussing strategy with Haley, and we have a job for you.
    Belkar: Really? OK.
    Roy: That chimera said Xykon had sent up through the dungeon to kill us.
    Belkar: Sure did.
    Roy: BUT! If the chimera was sent by Xykon, then it must have come from Xykon's secret throne room. Which means we can track it back to that throne room. Get it? We can track it. Back to the throne room. You're a ranger.
    Belkar: Yeah, and?
    Roy: Listen carefully: We want to track the chimera.
    Belkar: Right.
    Roy: You're a ranger.
    Belkar: Right.
    Roy: That's it.
    Belkar: I don't get it.
    Roy: *Sigh* The chimera made fun of how short you are.
    Belkar: Oh, that is IT! I'm gonna track down that loser's family and slit their friggin' throats!
    Roy: I work with the tools I've been given. Sue me.

    Spoiler: Strip 23
    Show
    Meanwhile...
    Xykon, Redcloak, Monster in the Darkness

    Xykon: Bah! That stupid chimera didn't even eat ONE of them! That's what I get for hiring discount mercenaries. Three-for-one deal, my bony ass. OK, who's next?
    Redcloak: More discount mercenaries, Lord Xykon, sir.
    Xykon: *Sigh* Well, send them out. They're already paid for. And remind me later to have a talk with the staffing department.
    Redcloak: Yes, your evilness.
    Monster in the Darkness: What about me, master? Let me smash the hated Order of the Stick for you!
    Xykon: No, my minion, you are my secret weapon. I shall reveal you only when the time is right.
    Monster in the Darkness: Well... can I at least get out of these dark concealing shadows?
    Xykon: Didn't I just say I wasn't going to reveal you??
    Monster in the Darkness: But... there's no one here but us!
    Xykon: HEY!! Who's the archvillain here? I know the drill, the bad guy always keeps his secret weapon cloaked in shadow until the climax! They could do a cutaway to us at any moment...
    Monster in the Darkness: But... it's so dark over here...
    Xykon: Oh, stop being such a baby.
    <sfx> click!
    Xykon: Turn that off!!
    Monster in the Darkness: Awwww, man!
    <sfx> click!

    Spoiler: Strip 24
    Show
    Do You Hear What I Hear?
    Goblin 1, Goblin 2, Roy, Elan

    <sfx> clank! clank! clank! clank! clank! clank! clank! clank!
    Goblin 1: Hey, fellow goblin, do you hear that sound?
    Goblin 2: You mean that loud clanking?
    Goblin 1: Yes, I refer to the loud repetitive clanking. I believe perhaps a group of adventurers is approaching.
    Goblin 2: Well, then we had better flee, this denying them valuable XP for defeating us.
    <sfx> clank! clank! clank! clank!
    Goblin 1: A capital idea. Do not forget to take our precious loot with us
    Goblin 2: Yes, we would not want those adventurers, which we can clearly hear approaching, to recoup the exenses incurred by this expedition.
    <sfx> clank! clank! clank! clank!
    Goblin 1: What about this powerful magical object, which we are incapable of using to defend ourselves but would be quite effective in their hands if they were to defeat us?
    <sfx> clank! clank!
    Goblin 2: Better destroy it, then
    <sfx> SNAP!
    Goblin 1: And why not arm this deadly but well-hidden booby trap, goblin friend.
    Goblin 2: Done! Now let us flee.
    <sfx> clank! clank! clank!
    Roy: Damn it, Durkon! That's the fifth group in a row to do that! Is there any way you could possibly alert more monsters to our presence? Maybe we could get a big red neon sign saying, “The heroes are here!” Geez!!
    <neon sign text> The heroes are here!
    Elan: See? I told you it was a good idea!
    <sfx> clank! clank! clank! clank!

    Spoiler: Strip 25
    Show
    Armor Begone
    Roy, Elan, Durkon, Belkar

    Roy: Stay in the back, Sir Clanksalot. Maybe we can actually earn some XP today.
    Elan: Wow, Durkon, you really do make a lot of noise.
    Durkon: I cannae help it, laddie. It's me armor.
    (D): I cannot help it, lad. It's my armor
    <sfx> clank! clank! clank! clank!
    Durkon: It's called the Armor Check Penaltae, and it be sinkin' me Move Silently check into da nether regions. See far yerself.
    (D): It's called the Armor Check Penalty, and it's sinking my Move Silently check into the nether regions. See for yourself.
    <tag text> Full Plate Armor, Size M, AC Bonus +8, Armor Check -6, See reverse for care instructions.
    Elan: Wow.
    Durkon: B'since I need me armor ta protect me, I mus' live with et.
    (D): But since I need my armor to protect me, I must live with it.
    Elan: You know, ever since I got this chain shirt, I haven't been as good at hiding.
    Durkon: Aye, it's the same thing. It's jus' simple fact aboot armor; The less you wear, the harder it be for them ta see ya.
    (D): Yes, it's the same thing. It's just a simple fact about armor; The less you wear, the harder it is for them to see you.
    <sfx> clank! clank! clank! clank!
    Elan: The less I wear...the hard I am to see.
    <sfx> Idea!
    Elan: Wooooo! I'm invisible!! You can't see me!
    Roy: How I wish that were true.
    Belkar: Please cast Blindness on me.

    Spoiler: Strip 26
    Show
    Bardic Nudity
    Vaarsuvius, Belkar, Roy, Durkon, Elan

    Roy: OK, a shiny copper piece to the first person who can tell me why Elan is running around naked.
    Vaarsuvius: Giant moth attack?
    Belkar: Maybe a bad guy cast “Dispel Clothes”?
    Durkon: Ah, well, methinks tha he thinks tha if he took off 'is clothes, he's have a lower Armor Check penaltae.
    (D): Ah, well, I think that he thinks that if he took off his clothes, he'd have a lower Armor Check penalty.
    Roy: Wow, that is such a stupid idea, I feel dumber just hearing it. OK, where it the Streaking Minstrel? We've got to put an end to this.
    Belkar: Really? Because I was kind of hoping we could talk Haley into it...
    Roy: Are you kidding? I'm her employer! If she gets back to town and tells all her colleagues in the Rogue's Guild about something like this, they'll slap me with a sexual harassment suit faster than you can say, “Protection from Law.” Damn labor unions… No, we need to get him to put his shortsword back in its sheath before she comes back from scouting, or I am toast.
    Belkar: Ruin all my fun. Stupid p.c. PC's...
    Roy: Elan? Are you over here?
    Elan: Hi Roy! I know you can't see me because I'm so good at hiding now!
    Roy: Actually, I can't see you because I would rather poke my eyes out with a burning stick than open them right now. But, hey, whatever.
    Elan: Oh. Well, um... Hey, wanna help me practice my tumbling skill?
    Roy: Gaaahh!

    Spoiler: Strip 27
    Show
    The Delicate Art of Intraparty Negotiations
    Roy, Elan, Durkon

    Roy: Elan, this is ridiculous. You have to put your clothes back on.
    Elan: No way! I've never felt so free! And I am so much more agile without all those bulky clothes!
    Roy: No, you're not. Regular clothing doesn't even HAVE a penalty. Hell, it doesn't even count towards encumbrance.
    Elan: Are you sure? How do you know unless you try it?
    Roy: Well, since that's not going to happen, I guess I'll have to live in eternal uncertainty. Now get dressed.
    Elan: Nuh-uh! I can hide better naked, so naked I shall remain!
    Roy: OK, uh... HEY! What if I get Durkon to cast Cat's Grace on you? Then you could stay agile, but clothed.
    Durkon: What??
    Elan: Hmmm... well, I suppose that would be OK... But wouldn't it be even better to cast Cat's Grace and then stay naked?
    Roy & Durkon: NO!
    Durkon: It's, ah... in the spell description.
    Roy: Doesn't stack. Honest.
    Elan: Oh. Well, OK, then, I guess that will work.
    Roy: Quick, cast it before he changes his mind.
    Roy: What are waiting for?
    Durkon: ...It's a Touch spell.

    Spoiler: Strip 28
    Show
    Just Like on Three's Company
    Roy, Belkar, Elan, Durkon, Haley

    Roy: Well, thankfully that little incident is over.
    Belkar: Trust me, it was worse at my height.
    Elan: Ooh! Your hands are cold!
    Durkon: Stand still, blast ye!
    (D): Stand still, blast you!
    Haley: Hey guys. I'm back!
    Roy: Perfect timing, Haley.
    Haley: Hey, so did you guys get a good look at Elan's blade?
    Roy: WHAT??
    Haley: You know, his “weapon of choice”.
    Roy: Uh, so you saw that then?
    Haley: “Saw it”? Ha! I was the first to get my hands on it!
    Belkar: Whoa.
    Haley: Vaarsuvius checked it out too, naturally.
    Roy: Vaarsuvius?
    Belkar: You know, I always suspected...
    Haley: I mean, sure it's awfully skinny, but he uses it so masterfully...
    Belkar: I can't cover my ears fast enough.
    Roy: Whoa, whoa. Haley, to what exactly are you referring?
    Haley: Uh, I'm talking about the rapier I looted for Elan from that room you sent me to scout. What did you think I was talking about?
    Roy: Whew. Nothing. Never mind.
    Haley: Oh, OK. Well anyway, V says Elan has been running around naked, so I'm off to see what his 18 Charisma is worth “under the hood.”

    Spoiler: Strip 29
    Show
    Treasure? What Treasure?
    Roy, Haley, Belkar, Vaarsuvius

    Roy: So, this is the room where you found that rapier you gave to Elan?
    Haley: Yuppers!
    Roy: And you didn't find anything else in here of any value?
    Haley: That's right.
    Roy: So that statue had the gems pried out of it before you showed up?
    Haley: Right.
    <written text> Xykon sucks!
    Belkar: Heh heh...
    Roy: And those two goblins were killed -
    Vaarsuvius: With green arrows.
    Roy: and stripped of their possessions beforehand?
    Haley: Looks like.
    Roy: And that treasure chest, with footprints of your size leading up to it, your lockpick still in the lock, and a strand of long red hair snagged on the latch?
    Haley: Empty when I got here.
    Roy: So, uh... what's in that bag behind you, then?
    Haley: Feminine products.
    <bag text> Haley’s Loot
    Roy: Goddamn it!

    Spoiler: Strip 30
    Show
    Behind the Secret Door
    Vaarsuvius, Elan, Mind Flayer

    Vaarsuvius: Stop! Elf sense... tingling! Secret door... nearby!
    Roy: You are a finely tuned Searching machine, V.
    <door text> Secret Door
    Vaarsuvius: Feh, Search is cross-class. I consider myself fortunate when I can find my own spellbook in the morning.
    <door text> Please close when you are done being secretive.
    <poster text> Hang in there!
    Mind Flayer: Hey, I'm trying to be secretive in here!
    Elan: Aaah!!! It's a –
    <book text> Psionics & You
    Elan: <thinking> Mind flayer? Illithid? Psionic danger?
    Elan: Squid thingy! So... are you going to eat my brain?
    <sfx> sniff sniff
    Mind Flayer: No, I'm cool, thanks.

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  14. - Top - End - #44
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    The OotS Transcript - Strips 31 to 61
    Book 1: Dungeon Crawlin' Fools
    Previous Page | Index | Next Page

    Spoiler: Strip 31
    Show
    All-You-Can-Eat Brain Buffet
    Elan, Mind Flayer, Roy, Vaarsuvius

    Elan: What's a “zyqxuwy”?
    Mind Flayer: It's a type of fish.
    Elan: Oh, OK. And on a triple word score...
    Roy: There you are! We've been looking all over for you!
    Elan: Hey guys! Meet my new friend...
    <Voiceover text> Hey kids! See what the Mind Flayer is thinking!
    Mind Flayer: <thinking> Filling, but bland. Tasty, but too sweet. Too angry...I'd get heartburn. Next! Now we're getting somewhere... Mmmmmmmm...
    Roy: Aaaaah!
    Haley: Why is he just attacking Roy like that?
    Vaarsuvius: Why are you eating him?? I am a wizard! A delectable 18 Intelligence right before you!
    Elan: Would you feel better if one of us ate your brain?
    Vaarsuvius: No, it just wouldn't be the same. *Sigh*
    Roy: A little help here?
    <sfx> slurp slurp slurp

    Spoiler: Strip 32
    Show
    Biting the Hand that Feeds Me
    Roy, Mr. Jones, Mr. Rodriguez, Belkar, Beholder, Haley

    Roy: No, seriously, guys.
    <sfx> slurp slurp
    Mr. Jones: Everybody freeze!
    Roy: Who the hell are you?
    Mr. Rodriguez: We're magical knights!
    Mr. Jones: No, we're lawyers.
    Belkar: Crap!
    Mr. Rodriguez: The spoooooky wizard sent us!
    Mr. Jones: Yeah, the spooky wizard who lives by the coast, if you catch my drift.
    Mr. Rodriguez: And we're on a quest to-
    Mr. Jones: Phil, we're not going to blend here. Just cut it out. My name is Mr. Jones and this is my colleague, Mr. Rodriguez. We're here to serve you with a Cease and Desist order.
    Mr. Rodriguez: A spoooooky Cease and Desist.
    Mr. Jones: That monster right there is Product Identity. It was never released to the SRD, and your encounter with it constitutes a violation of my client's intellectual property.
    Roy: What, you mean the Mind Flay-
    Mr. Jones: DON'T say it! It's trademarked. OK, buddy, you're coming with us.
    Mr. Rodriguez: To see the wizard!
    Mr. Jones: Shut up. Phil. Oh, and Blondie: Try to keep your clothes on. Kids play this game.
    Beholder: So, uh... does this mean you're not going to need me?
    <script text> OOTS Script #33
    Haley: We'll call you.

    Spoiler: Strip 33
    Show
    Mail Call
    Roy, Belkar, Haley, Vaarsuvius

    Roy: Well, since SOMEBODY took away our monster, we find ourselves with no plot for today's strip.
    <script text> OOTS Script #33
    Belkar: How exactly is that different from all of the other strips?
    Haley: Shush.
    Roy: So we've decided to just phone this one in by answering mail from you, our readers.
    Belkar: Again, how exactly -
    Haley: SHHHH!
    Roy: Our first letter comes from Henry, writing from Atlanta, GA. Henry asks:
    <card text> If Xykon were to mistakenly put a treasure of immense value before you, who on the team would grab a chance of early retirement from adventuring?
    Roy: Haley.
    Belkar: Haley.
    Haley: Haley. Tee hee!
    Roy: Well, OK, that was easy. Our next letter is from Richie in New Brunswick, NJ. Richie writes:
    <card text> I was wondering what exactly was the best use for a doily.
    Belkar: Who the hell took the time to make giant cards with letters on them?
    Roy: Well, Richie, we asked Vaarsuvius to look into this for us, and here is what we learned.
    Belkar: Oh, this ought to be good.
    <cutaway>
    Vaarsuvius: Thank you, Sir Greenhilt. My preliminary inquest into the doily conundrum revealed that they were best used as a decorative lay on a dessert pedestal, under a cake or perhaps a pie. However, sensing more afoot, I delved deeper into the intricacies of the patterns formed by the typical doily. And lo, I discovered that the weaving of while paper formed a matrix that resonated with arcane power. That within the mystic sigil that is the doily, there lay a path taken by few! For the humble doily is indeed the gateway to ULTIMATE COSMIC POWER!! Back to you, Sir Greenhilt.
    <cutback>
    Roy: The kitchen...
    Belkar: Here's an idea: Let's never do this again.
    Haley: Yeah, like we're never gonna need filler again. Dream on, shorty.

    Spoiler: Strip 34
    Show
    Math is Fun
    Goblin, Roy, Durkon

    <sfx> Whooosh!
    Goblin: Missed!
    <sfx> Whooosh!
    Goblin: Ha, missed again!
    Roy: Hey, Durkon, don't forget to add in the bonus from Elan's bard song.
    Durkon: Oh, right. In tha' case I think I hit 'im tha' first time.
    (D): Oh, right. In that case I think I hit him the first time.
    <sfx> Thunk!
    Roy: Plus, did you remember how much you hate orcs and goblinoids? That's another +1.
    Durkon: Och, right. Then I musta hit 'im both times.
    (D): Oh, right. Then I must have hit him both times.
    <sfx> Thunk!
    Durkon: Agh! He's still on his feet!
    (D): Agh! He's still on 'is feet!
    Roy: Don't forget the bard song also adds +1 damage.
    Durkon: Ooh! Right!
    Goblin: Ack!
    Durkon: Huzzah! I got 'im!
    (D): Huzzah! I got him!
    Roy: You know, he'd be a pretty good warrior if he had a better head for numbers.

    Spoiler: Strip 35
    Show
    Rogues Gone Wild!
    Roy, Elan, Haley, Durkon, Belkar

    Roy: OK, you guys watch over Haley while she searches this door for traps. V and I will keep an eye out over there.
    Elan: Cool.
    Haley: All done!
    Elan: Uh...maybe you better keep searching.
    Durkon: Aye, Take 20.
    (D): Yes, Take 20.
    Belkar: Can't be too safe...
    Haley: Oh, OK.
    Roy: Hey, what's taking so – WHOA!
    Belkar: We thought it best that she keep searching.
    Roy: Well, can't be too safe...
    Haley: Oops! My top! Tee hee!

    Spoiler: Strip 36
    Show
    Building a Better PC Trap
    Roy, Haley

    Haley: Geez, what's the big deal? It was just a wardrobe malfunction...
    Roy: Focus, Haley. You said there were no traps?
    Haley: No, I said I didn't find any traps.
    Roy: Uh, what's the difference?
    Haley: When I say I didn't find any traps, it might mean there are no traps to find. BUT! It might mean there are traps and my Search score just wasn't high enough.
    Roy: But you took 20, right? So you should have found them if they were here.
    Haley: That's an entirely valid perspective. But it's just as valid to assume that if Xykon was going to trap this door, he would use traps that I couldn't find. So I'm going to wait all the way over there while you open the door.
    Roy: Ah, I wouldn't worry. I mean, I have a lot of hit points. How bad could it be?
    <text on containers> Poison. Even Nastier Poison. Honey. Fire Ants.

    Spoiler: Strip 37
    Show
    Evil, But Cost-Effective

    Redcloak, Xykon, Monster in the Darkness, Roy, Ogre Chief, Zombie Ogre, Goblin

    Redcloak: Lord Xykon?
    Xykon: Shhh! This dork is about to set off like 100 traps.
    Roy: AARRGGGHH!! AAH! AAAAA!!!! Oh gods, the pain! The pain!!
    Monster in the Darkness: Hahaa! *snort*
    Xykon: Hahahaha! Hee.
    <sfx> Schuglunk! Bzzzzzz! Impale! Splorcth!! Slice! Slice!
    Xykon: That was great. That trap was totally worth the 10,000 gp. Heh heh.
    Redcloak: The ogre chiefs are here, Master. They are asking for higher wages.
    Roy: Argh! Fire ants!
    <sfx> Shred!
    Xykon: Wages?!? But I don't pay them in the first place!
    Redcloak: That does seem to be the crux of the issue, sir.
    Xykon: Feh!! What do those lunkheads need money for? They're just going to die on the end of some adventurer's sword anyway.
    Redcloak: Might I be so bold as to suggest not mentioning that to them, sir?
    Ogre Chief: Xykon, my ogres fight for—
    <sfx> Zzzzzap!
    Xykon: There! Zombie ogres, just as strong, but they eat less. Problem solved.
    Redcloak: uh... very clever, sir.
    Zombie Ogre: brains.
    Goblin: So, did you ask him about our 401k plan?
    Redcloak: Now is probably not the best time.
    <paper text> 401k

    Spoiler: Strip 38
    Show
    Spontaneous Artistic Expression
    Haley, Roy, Durkon, Belkar, Elan

    Haley: So, Roy, how'd that door work out for you?
    Roy: Cute. Durkon, I can't move. What's wrong with me?
    Durkon: Ye've been poison'd.
    (D): You've been poisoned.
    Roy: Well, I figured that, but–
    Durkon: 17 times.
    Roy: Oh.
    Haley: Eww!
    <sfx> squish!
    Roy: Can you heal it?
    Durkon: Only the cuts. I dinnae have tha spell prepared to heal the poison. Got to ask Thor fer it in tha mornin'. Cure Serious Wounds. Until then, ye'll be stuck with a Strength o' zero.
    (D): Only the cuts. I do not have the spell prepared to heal the poison. Got to ask Thor for it in the morning. Cure Serious Wounds. Until then, you'll be stuck with a Strength of zero.
    Roy: Sigh. I guess we're resting here, then. I'm too heavy for any of you to carry.
    <sfx> poke!
    Roy: Hey!
    <sfx> poke! poke! poke!
    Roy: HEY! Stop it!
    Belkar: Heh heh heh.
    Roy: Hey!! What are you – quit it! Get off of me! Get away!
    Elan: Hee!
    Belkar: Heh heh!
    <sfx> scribble! crash!
    Roy: I hate them. So much.
    <wall text> My name is Roy and I like to yell at my friends! Blah blah blah! Lawful stupid. –ave an MBA! Stinky! I eat you stinky roy!
    Belkar: I'm gonna see if I can scrap some of that poison off that trap!
    Elan: Think of the fun at parties!

    Spoiler: Strip 39
    Show
    Date with Destiny
    Durkon, Roy, Eugene, Violet

    Durkon: Try ta get sum rest, Aye'll have ye healed in tha mornin'.
    (D): Try to get some rest, I’ll have you healed up in the morning.
    Roy: Yeah, OK. Thanks for the clean-up.
    Eugene: Well, don't you look comfortable.
    Roy: Dad!
    Eugene: No, no, don't get up. I was just saying how comfortable you look for someone who recently received an omen from BEYOND THE GRAVE!
    Roy: Lay off, Dad. I was poisoned. Besides, that omen thing ended. Like, 18 strips ago.
    Eugene: Horse puckey! You think I'd come from the dead to warn you about a lame chimera??
    Roy: Woah, time out, Dad. Who is that?
    Eugene: Hmm? Oh, that's Violet. Her and I are going to catch a play after we're done here.
    Violet: Hi.
    Roy: You brought a DATE to come warn me of mortal danger?
    Eugene: What? It was on the way!
    Roy: And what about Mom!
    Eugene: Hey, that deal was very clear: 'Til death do us part. Once I shuffle off the mortal coil, I'm free to play the field.
    Roy: Whatever. I don't want to think about that. Did you have something to tell me?
    Eugene: Don't get uppity, Poison Boy. I'm just here to tell you not to write that cryptic clue I gave you last time so easily.
    Roy: And I don't suppose you're going to tell me what it meant, right?
    Eugene: Fft. No, where's the fun in that? C'mon, sweet thing, let's get ethereal.
    Violet: Nice to meet you.
    Roy: That's it. Tomorrow night, I'm asking Vaarsuvius to cast Sleep on me.

    Spoiler: Strip 40
    Show
    The Gods Must be Busy
    Thor, Surtur, Villagers, Thor's Deva, Durkon, Roy

    Thor: Stand true, loyal worshippers! I, Thor, came to defeat Surtur in your hour of need!
    Surtur: Grrr!
    Villagers: Look! It's Thor! Sweet! Help us, Thor! I'm scared! Eeeeek!
    <sfx> ring! ring!
    Thor's Deva: Hello? Yeah... yeah, he's right here. OK, hold on. Sir, there's a “Durkon Thundershield” on Line 2. He's asking for three Lesser Restorations.
    Thor: Ach, let the machine get it. I'm busy here!
    Thor's Deva: We had to get rid of the machine, sir. Too many complaints about unintentional colon tumors. Uh huh. Yeah, uh huh. Sir, he says it's an emergency.
    Thor: Fine! I'll talk to him. Geez. Hello, Durkon. Yes, yes, praise me, can we get on with this? How many 1st level spells are you going to need today?
    Surtur: ?
    Villagers: Praise Thor! Hail Thor!
    Thor: Uh huh... and what do you want for the domain spell?
    Villagers: What's he doing? Help us, Thor! Thor has abandoned us! Aaaa!
    Surtur: Heh heh!
    Thor: What about 2nd level spells? And the domain slot?
    Villagers: The humanity! Oh sweet apathetic gods! Our lives mean nothing! Mommy, what's happening?
    <cutaway>
    <sfx> DING!
    Durkon: Spells're ready!
    (D): Spells are ready!
    Roy: Well it's about friggin' time.

    Spoiler: Strip 41
    Show
    Just Take the AoO

    Roy, Vaarsuvius, Elan, Belkar, Goblin

    Roy: Aw crap! Vaarsuvius, you're surrounded!
    Goblin: Get it off! Get it off!
    Vaarsuvius: No troubles, Sir Greenhilt! Though it take great concentration, I shall cast my deadly spell defensively, this denying these miscreants the opportunity for attack.
    Elan: I'll use my bard song to help you concentrate!
    Elan: <singing> Concentrate, concentrate, concentrate, concentrate, on your spell!
    Elan: <singing> Concentrate! (Concentrate!) Concentrate (Concentrate!)
    Elan: <singing> Connnn-centrate! good times, c'mon!
    Elan: <singing> We will, we will con-cen-trate!
    Elan: <singing> Concentrate! Concentrate! Concentrate! Concentrate! (repeats)
    Vaarsuvius: CONE OF COLD!
    Belkar: Sweet spell, V! You froze 'em all!
    Roy: Too bad you froze Elan by accident.
    Vaarsuvius: Accident... yes. Of course. By accident.

    Spoiler: Strip 42
    Show
    Belkar Unleashed
    Belkar, Goblin Ninja

    Belkar: <thinking> Well it's about time they let me scout by myself. I am so sick of those giant lumbering oafs, clomping around with their massive shoes like they're so cool. To hell with them. I don't need any of them. Holy crap! A goblin ninja! Holy crap! I made my Spot check!
    Goblin Ninja: Ninja!
    Belkar: Bring it!
    <sfx> clank! smack!
    Goblin Ninja: uh oh... AAAAARGGH!!!!!!!
    Belkar: Woot! I am the most badass halfling EVER! In your face, Elijah Woods! Oh yeah! Look at me! Look at me! Everyone look – I *knew* I kept them around for something.

    Spoiler: Strip 43
    Show
    What's Behind Door #2
    Elan, Haley, Roy, Belkar, Xykon, Nale, Vaarsuvius

    Elan: So... cold...
    Haley: Ooo! Another door!
    Roy: Awww, screw that! I am not getting hit with more traps.
    Belkar: C'mon, what are the chances Xykon trapped two doors in a row??
    <cutaway>
    Xykon: Pretty good, actually.
    <cutback>
    Haley: Don't be a wuss, Roy. We have to go through the door eventually.
    Roy: Not necessarily. Belkar, does the chimera's trail lead through the door or not?
    Belkar: Oh, wait. Was I supposed to still be tracking that? What?? Yeah, like I was really gonna remember that.
    Roy: I say we leave it and move on for now.
    Vaarsuvius: I concur. Indeed, we have no way of ascertaining what dire perils or luminous wonders lie behind this simple oaken door! It need remain a mystery until we might learn more about what might lie behind it.
    Elan: Wonders? Perils? Mystery?? Ooo! Let's see!
    Roy: Elan! NO!!
    Elan and Nale: Whoa...
    Vaarsuvius: See? I told you it would remain a mystery.
    Elan: DUNH DUNH DUNNNNNH!!!

    Spoiler: Strip 44
    Show
    Meet the Linear Guild
    Belkar, Nale, Roy, Yikyik, Elan, Thog, Hilgya, Zz'dtri, Haley

    Nale: Hail! Well, it certainly is nice to see a friendly face here in the dungeon!
    Roy: Uh, yeah... so, who the hell are you?
    Nale: Why, adventurers, much like yourself I'd wager. We are known as the Linear Guild.
    Belkar: Ugh, I hate kobolds...
    Yikyik: Blech, halfling...
    Elan: Wow! We're the Order of the Stick!
    Nale: Fascinating.
    Roy: It certainly is nice to meet another fighter. Clearly, you must be the leader of the team. Perhaps we could compare tactical notes.
    Thog: thog like breaking stuff.
    Roy: ... Never mind.
    Nale: You'll have to forgive Thog. Intelligence was his dump stat. As a point of fact, I am the leader and strategic genius behind our quest.
    Roy: You're kidding.
    Nale: Not at all. My name is Nale. Allow me to introduce my colleagues. This is Sabine, my second-in-command, and Hilgya Firehelm, my spiritual advisor. Our tracker, Yikyik.
    Hilgya: Say hello to the nice adventurers.
    Yikyik: Bite me.
    Nale: And finally, our team wizard, Zz'dtri.
    Zz’dtri: ...
    Nale: He doesn't speak much.
    Haley: Hey, wait a minute. Aren't dark elves evil?
    Nale: Oh, my, no. Not since they became a player race. Now the whole species consists of nothing but Chaotic Good rebels, yearning to throw off the reputation of their evil kin.
    Haley: Evil kin? Didn't you just say they were all Chaotic Good?
    Nale: Details.
    Haley: What are the scimitars for?
    Zz’dtri: They're standard issue.

    Spoiler: Strip 45
    Show
    Strength in Numbers
    Roy, Nale, Elan, Haley, Belkar, Vaarsuvius, Durkon

    Roy: Could you excuse us for one moment, Nale?
    Nale: Certainly.
    Roy: OK guys, what do you think about this “Linear Guild”?
    OOTS: Alternate universe? Doppelgangers? Mirror of Opposition? Evil twins? Doppleganers? I said that already. Hackneyed plot device?
    Elan: But I like Nale. He's friendly, and seems oddly familiar.
    Haley: Elan, look at that Sabine woman: She's wearing red leather. I mean, red leather?? Of course she's evil!
    Sabine: ♪
    Elan: I think we should ask them to join forces! There's six of us and six of them. With all ten of us -
    Haley: Twelve, sweetie.
    Elan: With all twelve of us, we could really crush Xykon!
    Roy: Surprisingly, Elan makes a good point. (Which probably just proves that we've stumbled into some bizarre alternate reality.)
    Elan: Yay!
    Roy: If both groups are going to raid the dungeon anyway, we can cut down on losses by working together.
    Haley: I guess... But adding six more adventurers will cut our treasure share down to 8.33% per person per encounter. And decrease our Treasure-per-Encounter ratio down by an estimated 11.378% for the entire expedition. Which, when compounded with loss of XP for those same encounters, puts us 14.7% behind our expected RWT Index – that's Recommended Wealth Total – for this character level!
    Roy: Haley, y'know, treasure isn't really that important.
    Haley: Don't EVER say that to me again.

    Spoiler: Strip 46
    Show
    Deep Thoughts
    Haley, Roy, Nale, Sabine

    Haley: I'm just saying I don't think we can trust them.
    Roy: That's because you have trust issues.
    Haley: What?? That's not true!
    Roy: Sure it is. You don't trust anyone we meet. For example, you didn't trust the barmaid at the tavern before we left. You kept saying she was “scamming” us.
    Haley: She totally was scamming us! “Tips”? C'mon, like we're going to give her money just for doing her job.
    Roy: I rest my case. Nale, we have a proposal for you. We'd like your team to join us in our quest to destroy Xykon the Lich.
    Nale: Hmm, a capital idea! Unfortunately, we have our own quest we have been charged to complete.
    <cutaway>
    Nale: <voiceover> We seek the fabled Talisman of Dorukan, a mighty relic secreted within this very dungeon.
    <cutback>
    Nale: We have been charged by our wise and benevolent king to retrieve it.
    Sabine: King? What ki-OWW!
    <sfx> nudge
    Sabine: Oh right, THAT king.
    Roy: Well, that sounds like a fine and noble quest! Why don't we help you with that, and you can help beat Xykon?
    Nale: Agreed!
    Haley: Geez, grow a Sense Motive.
    Nale: Let's shake on it.
    <sfx> shake!
    Nale: <thinking> My Machiavellian plan is beginning to come together. Now that I have secured the aid of these gullible saps, the Talisman, shall soon be mine! Indeed, I have worked for years for this very day. It seems like just yesterday when my father took me aside and told me -
    Haley: <whispering> Psst! Why's he just standing there?
    Roy: <whispering> Internal monologue. Give him a minute.

    Spoiler: Strip 47
    Show
    But is it High Definition?
    Haley, Belkar, Yikyik, Nale, Vaarsuvius, Elan, Redcloak, Xykon, Monster in the Darkness

    Haley: This sucks. Now I have to adventure with a bunch of total skeezy losers.
    Belkar: Yeah, I feel the same way every day of my life.
    Yikyik: Shut up. I'm tryin' to listen.
    Belkar: Make me, freakshow.
    Nale: OK, now according to the ancient texts I've studied, the mystic Talisman of Dorukan is protected by three magical sigils, one representing each of the classical elements.
    Vaarsuvius: Are there not FOUR classical elements?
    Nale: Yes, but apparently there were budget issues towards the end of the dungeon construction. Water got cut out entirely. Each rune is at the end of a dangerous stretch of dungeon which is thematically tied to one of the elements in a dreadfully clichéd manner. Each of these magical sigils needs to be touched at the same time in order to open the path to the talisman. So obviously, we need to split up. Elan, Durkon, and Hilgya come with me to find the Fire Sigil. Roy -
    Elan: Wait, did you just pick me first??
    Nale: Ummm, yes.
    Elan: Roy never picks me first.
    Roy: Yeah, that's not coincidental. OK, I guess I'll take Thog and the Psychotic Midget Patrol here for the Earth Sigil.
    Nale: Which leaves Haley, Sabine, and the two elves to find the Air Sigil.
    Vaarsuvius: Very well.
    Elan: This is going to be so cool! I wonder if Xykon is even gonna know what hit him!
    <cutaway>
    Redcloak: Master, they've split up. I humbly suggest we scry on the leader.
    Monster in the Darkness: No! I wanna watch the little guys fighting!
    Xykon: Minions, minions, Lord Xykon has it all under control.
    <sfx> click!
    Monster in the Darkness: Ooooooooooo, picture-in-picture!
    Xykon: We can also watch it in Spanish.
    Yikyik: ¡Oye, creo que me falle de notar algo!
    (Y): Hey, I think I failed to notice something!

    Spoiler: Strip 48
    Show
    Stab of Opportunity
    Roy, Belkar, Yikyik, Thog

    Roy: OK, let's go find an Earth Sigil or whatever.
    Belkar: AARGH! Why you little orange piece of sh—
    Roy: Did— did you just stab Belkar?
    Yikyik: What? He totally provoked me! He left my threatened area!
    Roy: You've got to be kidding me. C'mon, let's go, this has to be simultaneous.
    Belkar: AARGH!! Damn it! Again??
    Yikyik: Combat Reflexes, ass-wipe.
    Roy: HEY! Knock it off, you two. Let's go!
    Yikyik: Why aren't you following your leader?
    Belkar: And leave your threatened area again? Nuh-uh. Why aren't you following your big dumb door-opener?
    Yikyik: No reason.
    Belkar and Yikyik: Right.
    Roy: You know, normally this kind of thing would upset me, but I think our chances of success just went up.
    Thog: yay! thog happy talky-man is happy.
    Roy: Then again...

    Spoiler: Strip 49
    Show
    Collect the Whole Set
    Haley, Sabine, Vaarsuvius, Zz'dtri, Shop Owner, Wizard

    Haley: OK, so how are we going to fight a whole bunch of flying creatures that are guarding this stupid Air Sigil?
    Sabine: Zz'dtri here can cast Fly on all of us.
    Vaarsuvius: Ahh, but the Fly spell now only lasts a few minutes.
    Sabine: Nah, he's got a 3.0 version that was house-ruled in.
    Vaarsuvius: I very much would like to copy that spell from your spellbook, Mr. Zz'dtri. I would trade you a mighty Fireball spell for it.
    Zz’dtri: No.
    Vaarsuvius: How about a Lightning Bolt?
    Zz’dtri: No.
    Vaarsuvius: Dispel Magic?
    Zz’dtri: No.
    Vaarsuvius: Vampiric Touch?
    Zz’dtri: No.
    Vaarsuvius: Haste?
    Zz’dtri: Sucks now.
    Vaarsuvius: Time Stop? Meteor Swarm? Wish???
    Zz’dtri: No.
    Vaarsuvius: Blast! It is no wonder your people were banished from the sunlit realms - you were hogging all the good spells!
    Haley: V, if you wanted a Fly spell so badly, why didn't you buy one in town?
    Vaarsuvius: I attempted to do that very thing, Miss Starshine, but was thwarted by the store's odd policies...
    <cutaway>
    <sales counter text> Ye Olde Magick Shoppe
    Shop Owner: Sorry, we don't sell individual cards anymore. Too much hassle. Now we only sell randomized “booster packs”.
    <booster pack text> Wizard Spells Starter Set.
    <booster pack text> Xtreme Evocation Booster Pack.
    Wizard: Crap! Another “Feather Fall”? This totally sucks!

    Spoiler: Strip 50
    Show
    The Semi-Secret Origin of Elan & Nale
    Nale, Elan, Elan's Mother, Mr. Jones, Durkon

    <panel text> The Order of the Stick Presents… The Semi-Secret Origin of Elan & Nale! (I mean, it’s not like you couldn’t have figured it out.)
    Elan: Wow, this is exciting. I've never been in the first group before!
    Nale: Well, Elan, I wanted the chance to talk to you. You know, the moment you opened that door, I thought to myself, “Why, here's a handsome fellow!” Ha ha ha! But seriously. I think there is a deeper relationship between us than any of which you are aware.
    Elan: Are- are you hitting on me?
    Nale: What?!?
    Elan: Because, whatever you heard about what happened at Summer Camp—
    Nale: No, no, Elan. Not like that. I meant that I think we might be brothers.
    Elan: Oh. Cool, I never had a brother before. Are you sure?
    Nale: No, but I thought we could compare stories of our childhoods and see if they match.
    Elan: Ooo! Ooo! Me first!
    <cutaway>
    Elan: <voiceover> My Mommy raised me by herself. She's a barmaid, and the nicest, kindest person in the whole village. She told me that my Dad was a mean fighting guy who left her and me behind when he went off to battle.
    Elan's Mother: <singing> Serve, serve, serve, serve refreshing adult beverages!
    <cutover>
    Nale: <voiceover> Ah, see, now, my Father was a cold and ruthless general of a nigh-unstoppable army. He told me he had abandoned my good-two-shoes mother in some small backwards village.
    <sign text> BABY ON BOARD
    <cutback>
    Elan: Aw man, those stories don't match at all!
    <sfx> SMACK!
    Elan: Wow, those stories match perfectly! I wonder why they split up, though.
    <cutaway>
    Mr. Jones: Your honor, my client is suing for divorce on the grounds of Irreconcilable Alignment Differences. He's Lawful Evil and his wife appears to be Chaotic Good.
    <cutback>
    Nale: I'm also unable to explain the apparent gulf in our mental faculties...
    <cutaway>
    Elan's Mother: Nale! Stop hitting your twin brother in his soft undeveloped baby skull!
    <sfx> SMACK!
    <cutback>
    Durkon: Go fish.
    Nale: ...And it certainly doesn't explain why they would never tell us about each other.
    Elan: Oh, that I understand. See, by not telling us, it increases the potential dramatic tension should we ever encounter each other as adults. What? Oh, I'm a bard, that kind of stuff comes naturally.
    Nale: A bard, huh? My father taught me that bards were underpowered.
    Elan: Really? So what class are you?
    Nale: I'm a multiclass fighter/rogue/sorcerer who specializes in enchantment spells.
    Elan: And that never struck you as needlessly complicated?
    Nale: Not until this moment, no.

    Spoiler: Strip 51
    Show
    Stupid Isn't Always Cute
    Roy, Thog, Earth Sigil Guardian

    Roy: Well, this has got to be the Earth Sigil's resting place.
    Thog: <thinking> thog like puppies.
    Roy: I think we definitely should blah blah blah blah
    Thog: <thinking> puppies are soft and fuzzy.
    Roy: Blah blah blah. Then again, blah blah blah
    Thog: <thinking> puppies bark and play with thog.
    Roy: Blah! Blah blah blah blah blah blah!
    Thog: <thinking> nale won't let thog have a puppy. nale says thog not take "ree-spon-sa-blity" for puppy.
    Roy: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
    Thog: <thinking> but thog would watch puppy good.
    Roy: Blah split up blah blah go down, while I blah blah ahead blah.
    Thog: <thinking> thog would be a good puppy-daddy.
    Earth Sigil Guardian: Welcome, righteous warrior. You have defeated the sacred tests necessary to—AHHH! What are you- you're slashing at my soft defenseless flesh with your axe! Why??
    <sfx> Splotch!
    Roy: Did I hear voices up here?
    Thog: thog alone.
    Thog: <thinking> thog likes ice cream.
    Roy: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
    Thog: <thinking> with sprinkles.

    Spoiler: Strip 52
    Show
    Young Dwarves in Love
    Elan, Nale, Durkon, Hilgya, Monster 1, Monster 2, Fire Sigil Guardian

    Elan: Whoa, everything's on fire.
    Nale: That's why we brought two clerics along, brother.
    Hilgya: Protection from Fire!
    Durkon: Protection from Fire!
    Hilgya: hee hee! Jinx!
    Durkon: Heh heh...
    Elan: <whispering> Pssst! I think Hilgya likes you!
    Durkon: Wuh?
    (D): What?
    Elan: <whispering> And I mean LIKES likes you.
    Durkon: Elan, jus' because we are tha same class and race don't mean...
    (D): Elan, just because we are the same class and race doesn’t mean…
    Elan: Wouldn't that be so cool?
    Elan: I find my long-lost brother and you find a girlfriend? Meeting the Linear Guild is the best thing that ever happened!!
    Monster 1: You go no further, flesh things!
    Monster 2: We'll turn you to ash!
    Nale: Hilgya, I think you'd like to have a word with these gentlemen alone, perhaps?
    Hilgya: Of course, Nale.
    Elan: What's going on?
    Nale: Hilgya just needs some "alone time."
    Monster 1: Ha! They're leaving her!
    Monster 2: Burn her!
    Hilgya: Try to burn me if you wish, Beast of Flame! But look! I am the servant of Loki, God of Flames and Chaos!
    Monster 1: Aaaa!
    Monster 2: Nooo!
    Hilgya: Bow before me, mewling servants of fire. Your god Loki commands it. Hilgya commands it!
    Monster 1: Yes, mistress!
    Monster 2: Don't smite us, mistress!
    Hilgya: All clear!
    <sfx> wink!
    Elan: <whispering> Did you see that? She just winked at you! You are so "in"!
    Durkon: Why do I have tha nagging feelin' that with a few more ranks a' Knowledge(Religion), I'd be a lot more worried aboot all a' this?
    (D): Why do I have the nagging feeling that with a few more ranks in Knowledge (Religion), I’d be a lot more worried about all of this?
    Monster 1: Praise Hilgya!
    Monster 2: Praise Loki!
    Fire Sigil Guardian: Welcome, righteous warriors! You have defeated- AARRGH!
    <sfx> splortch!

    Spoiler: Strip 53
    Show
    See, They’re Flying, Because It’s an Air Sigil
    Celia, Bird, Haley, Sabine, Vaarsuvius, Zz’dtri

    Celia: No, I’m not being paranoid. No, Mom, I’m just saying I’ve got a bad feeling. Well, if I knew what it was ABOUT, it wouldn’t be just a feeling, Mom. Mom- no, Mom, Sigil Guarding is a very prestigious career for sylphs, OK? I’m not going to go back to school now. Oh, Mom, I gotta go. There’s someone here. Love you. Love to Dad. OK, bye.
    Sabine: Die, you stupid bird!
    Bird: Squawwwk!
    Sabine: Gee, nice lack of shooting there, Haley, that thing almost ate me.
    Haley: Oh, golly gosh, did it? That would have been SUCH a shame.
    Celia: Um…welcome, uh, righteous warriors?
    Sabine: Do you have a problem with me?
    Haley: What, you mean other than the fact that you’re an evil skank?
    Celia: You, uh, have defeated the sacred tests necessary to get the Air Sigil.
    Sabine: Oh no, you didn’t just go there, dyejob.
    Haley: HEY, this hair color is all-natural.
    Sabine: Yeah, natural hair dye.
    Vaarsuvius: This is going poorly.
    Haley: Oh, I am SO gonna have to kick your ass now!
    Sabine: Bring it on, bitch!
    Celia: HEY! I’m TRYING to give a speech up here. Now, ONE of you of pure heart can activate the stupid Sigil, and then get the hell out of here.
    Vaarsuvius: Sorry.
    Sabine: Bitch.
    Haley: Skank.
    Celia: Maybe Mom is right. I should quit this job before—
    Zz’dtri: Flesh to Stone.
    <sfx> woosh! THUNK!

    Spoiler: Strip 54
    Show
    Touch my Sigil
    Roy, Thog, Sabine, Haley, Nale, Elan

    Roy: That must be the Earth Sigil there.
    Thog: nale give thog note for talky-man.
    <note text> When you reach the Earth Sigil, touch it and hold there until the rest of us get into position. Then, a majestic gateway to the Talisman should appear. –Nale. P.S. - I think it should be you that touches the Sigil, not Thog. Just a thought.
    Roy: Hmmm, that’s probably a good idea. Thog, watch for monsters while I activate the magic rune.
    <sfx> rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble
    <cutaway>
    Sabine: Are you done searching for traps yet?
    Haley: Yeah, I— hey, what’s that note you have?
    Haley: Give me that!
    Sabine: Hey!
    <note text> Sabine- Make sure it is either you or Zz’dtri that touches the Air Sigil. Just touch it and wait. -Nale
    Haley: AHA! I knew it! You guys are up to no good!
    Haley: Well, if Nale wants it to be you who touches it, then that’s reason enough for me.
    Sabine: Sucker.
    <sfx> rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble
    <cutaway>
    Nale: At last, the Fire Sigil.
    Elan: Ooo, glowy.
    Nale: You know, Elan, once I have the Talisman, you and I can leave this place together and start a new team.
    Elan: I couldn’t abandon Roy. He needs my help.
    Nale: Hrmph. As you wish. However, I insist that the honor of activating the Fire Sigil goes to you.
    Elan: Neat!
    <sfx> rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble
    Nale: There, Elan, the gateway to the Talisman opens! The path to the ultimate power reveals its awe-inspiring presence to us!
    <sfx> pop!
    <door text> Talisman
    Nale: I’ll, um…I’ll be honest, I was really expecting something a little more…
    Elan: Rumbleworthy?

    Spoiler: Strip 55
    Show
    One for the Old-Schoolers
    Elan, Nale, Haley, Roy, Vaarsuvius, Flumph 1, Flumph 2

    Nale: See, this was more what I was expecting.
    Elan: Wow. This place is huge!
    Haley: Hey guys.
    Roy: Hey.
    Roy: Damn, that is a lot of monsters.
    Elan: Wait… is that what I think it is? A dracolisk! Oh, and hordlings! And a death dog, and a guardian daemon… And I don’t even know what that one is supposed to be!
    Vaarsuvius: I have not seen any of these creatures in years.
    Nale: Indeed, every monster in that pit was never officially updated to 3rd edition. But you see, they had to go someplace, right? They didn’t just disappear. The wizard Dorukan crafted his Talisman to lure those monsters here, where they could be safely locked away. That is the Talisman’s power: to bring all outdated monsters under the wearer’s control.
    Elan: Ooo, an osquip! Why aren’t they attacking?
    Nale: The magic runes here ward them off. Were they to be broken, they would surely destroy us. They are a hateful, bloodthirsty, and poorly-conceived lot of vile fiends!
    <cutaway>
    Flumph 1: *sniff*
    Flumph 2: There there, try not to take it personally.

    Spoiler: Strip 56
    Show
    An Alternative Hypothesis
    Roy, Haley, Elan, Vaarsuvius, Nale, Sabine, Yikyik, Belkar

    Roy: So, I guess it went OK for you guys?
    Haley: It totally sucked.
    Elan: It was the best adventure ever!
    Vaarsuvius: No, no. I believe "sucked" was, in fact, the proper word.
    Nale: Ah, there it is! The Talisman of Dorukan!
    Sabine: It's beautiful, babe.
    <sfx> smooch!
    Yikyik: Get a room.
    Elan: It turns out Nale and I are long-lost twins!
    Haley: Gee, y'think?
    Belkar: What gave it away, the matching sashes, or the fact that you look exactly the freakin' same??
    Elan: It's going to be so much fun with all of us taking on Xykon together!
    Haley: Ugh. Coup de grace me now, please.
    Roy: Hey, 10 gold says the talisman zaps Nale.
    Haley: No bet.
    Elan: So, Brother, what next? Are you going to use it to command the monsters to fight each other, or something?
    Nale: Or something, yes.
    Elan: Nothing's happening. Maybe it's broken?
    Nale: Perhaps. But allow me to shed some light on an alternative hypothesis:
    <sfx> shtlulk!

    Spoiler: Strip 57
    Show
    Inevitable Betrayal? Check.
    Durkon, Hilgya, Roy, Nale, Zz’dtri, Belkar, Thog

    Durkon: Thor’s beard! Nale just stabbed Elan! Hang on, I’m comin’ ta heal ya!
    (D): Thor's beard! Nale just stabbed Elan! Hang on, I'm coming to heal you!
    Hilgya: Sorry about this. I really do like you.
    Durkon: Sorry ‘bout what?
    (D): Sorry about what?
    Hilgya: This.
    Durkon: GAAH!
    Roy: Huh?? I don’t— What’s going on??
    Nale: Really, Roy, I thought it was fairly self-explanatory. We’re betraying you. Zz’dtri?
    Zz’dtri: Wall of Ice.
    <sfx> clink!
    Belkar: OK, this blows! We’re trapped!
    Nale: Xykon hired me to kill you, unaware that the Talisman for which I searched lay in his dungeon. I knew we needed someone of “pure heart” to use the Sigils, so I figured “Why not use the schmucks first?” Of course, I’m Lawful Evil, so I see no reason not to honor my contract with Xykon and kill you.
    Zz’dtri: Fly.
    <sfx> thunk!
    Nale: Plus, it will be the perfect test for the Talisman. ATTACK, MY OUTDATED LEGIONS!
    Belkar: Ha! Dumbass, you forgot about the rune thingies! They can’t touch us up here!
    Nale: Thog?
    Thog: oopsie.
    Nale: Soon, the ice will melt or the monsters will overwhelm that wall, and that will be the end of the Order of the Stick! Farewell!
    Sabine: What a great evil mastermind speech, baby.
    Nale: I worked on it all night!

    Spoiler: Strip 58
    Show
    First Aid
    Vaarsuvius: Elan is at -7 hit points and falling! Help me, Belkar.
    Belkar: But Nale is getting away!
    Vaarsuvius: We do not have time for that now! Let Sir Greenhilt handle it. Should Elan fall to -10, he will be DEAD.
    Belkar: OK, OK, fine! But what about Durkon, though? He’s the walking medicine chest.
    Vaarsuvius: Sabine’s claw attack has drained his energy. I seem incapable of waking him. Belkar, search through his possessions.
    Belkar: Hey, I’m all for looting the corpses of my fallen allies, but shouldn’t we wait for a better time?
    Vaarsuvius: Search for a healing potion, you fool! Hurry, Elan has dropped to -8 hp!
    Belkar: Oh, right. Ummm, all I can find are 2 scrolls of Cure Serious Wounds. But none of us can use scrolls because we can’t cast healing spells in the first place.
    Vaarsuvius: YOU can use them.
    Belkar: Sh’yeah right. I’m a warrior, the only thing I can do with a scroll is beat someone with it.
    Vaarsuvius: Belkar, you are a RANGER!!
    Belkar: So what? That just means I can beat him with both scrolls at the same time!!
    Vaarsuvius: No, it means you can cast healing spells- or at least, you COULD if you did not possess a wisdom score normally reserved for lemmings!
    Belkar: Hey, lemmings are cute.
    Vaarsuvius: Wait— Wait! That is the solution! A simple spell shall increase your Wisdom, so that you might use the scroll! OWL’S WISDOM!
    Belkar: Wow…the world seems so much clearer now…I can understand everything…
    Vaarsuvius: The scroll, Belkar! He’s down to -9!
    Belkar: Of course, no need to shout. Cure Serious Wounds. And another for good measure. Cure Serious Wounds.
    Elan: Mommy, I don’t wanna to go to school today…
    Vaarsuvius: We are not safe yet, friends. Quickly, Elan, we must rejoin the others.
    Belkar:<thinking> I’ve wasted my life on anger and needless rage, when I could have been healing. My eyes are finally open. From this day forward, I’m never hurting a living creature again.
    Vaarsuvius: Dismiss Owl’s Wisdom.
    Belkar: Let’s kill those losers!

    Spoiler: Strip 59
    Show
    The Shot Heard Round the Dungeon
    Haley, Roy, Nale

    Haley: Tell me, Roy: is NOW a good time to point out that I told you so? Because I totally did! I knew we couldn’t trust a guy with a goatee!
    Roy: Wait, what did you say?
    Haley: I said I told you so.
    Roy: No, after that. A goatee?
    Haley: Yeah, y’know, a spiky little devil-beard. They’re always a bad sign, now we’re-
    Roy: Haley, shoot Nale now!
    Haley: What? Roy, he’s like 200 feet away, there’s an ice wall and a few hundred monsters in the way! That’s like a -37 to hit!
    Roy: Haley, please, there’s no time! For once, just do what I say! Shoot Nale NOW!!
    Haley: OK, OK, fine! Just to shut you up so we can die in peace.
    Nale: AARgh!
    <sfx> snap!
    Nale: No! The talisman!
    <sfx> SHATTER!!
    Haley: Woot! I rolled a natural 20! I can’t believe it!
    Roy: I can…

    Spoiler: Strip 60
    Show
    Everything Come Together
    Nale, Zz’dtri, Yikyik, Roy, Haley, Eugene, Belkar, Vaarsuvius, Hilgya, Elan?

    Nale: Turn back! Turn back!
    Zz’dtri: Why?
    Nale: That’s why!
    Yikyik: HOLY SH-
    Roy: It looks like the monsters have stopped swarming- without the talisman’s control, they’re just acting naturally.
    Haley: Wait, so are you saying you knew I was going to roll a 20?
    Roy: Sort of. That’s what my Dad was trying to tell me.
    Haley: Isn’t your Dad dead?
    Roy: Yes. What he said was:
    <cutaway>
    Eugene: “When the goat turns red strikes true.”
    <cutback>
    Roy: I thought he was saying “When the goat turns red,” which made no sense. But he wasn’t. He was saying, “When the goat turns,” (that is, when the guy with the goatee turns on us)…...”Red strikes true.” And that’s you, Red. Dad knew you would make that shot and destroy the Talisman. And he knew I would never ask you take such a difficult shot- at least not without a supernatural nudge.
    Haley: Wow. That’s a lot more planning than I thought this strip had…
    Belkar: Hey, can we cut down on the exposition? The Linear Jerks are almost back!
    Vaarsuvius: I am out of my Fireball spells, but I may be able to slow them by disrupting their flying spell…Dispel Magic!
    ???: We couldn’t wake Durkon.
    Roy: I think karma just leveled that score.
    Hilgya: EEK!
    Roy: OK guys, here’s the plan: Grab your bizarre twin and beat the living hell out of them!
    Belkar: Sweeeet.

    Spoiler: Strip 61
    Show
    Brother Against Brother
    Nale, Elan

    Nale: Awww, look how cute Elan looks, holding a sword just like a big boy.
    Elan: C'mon Nale! Roll initiative! We're gonna fight!
    Nale: Very well, but I'm reasonably certain I already killed you once today. I'd hate for things to get repetitive.
    Elan: Why did you stab me, Nale? I’m your brother! Why??
    Nale: Why not? I gave you a chance to join me. But you’d rather stay with these fools? Well, I can’t very well allow you to continue breathing after an insult like that, can I? Because no one denies me, Elan. Not father, not you, no one.
    Elan: Deny!
    <sfx> thppbbt!
    Elan: Deny! Deny!
    Elan: <singing> Deny the psychopathic egomaniac!
    <sfx> touché!
    Nale: Looking to make this sporting then? Good, I was afraid I wouldn’t be getting any XP for killing you.
    Elan: <singing> Shut, shut, shut, shut your mouth and fight!

    Last edited by TheWombatOfDoom; 2023-08-10 at 11:45 AM.
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  15. - Top - End - #45
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    The OotS Transcript - Strips 62 to 91
    Book 1: Dungeon Crawlin' Fools
    Previous Page | Index | Next Page

    Spoiler: Strip 62
    Show
    Heavy Metals
    Haley, Sabine

    Haley: I *knew* you were evil the whole time! Look at you!
    <sfx> twang! twang!
    Sabine: Of course! The archfiends sent me to serve as Nale’s concubine and advisor. That kid’s got serious potential, you know.
    <sfx> thunk! thunk!
    Sabine: Eeeeevil potential!
    <sfx> pluck!
    Haley: <thinking> Eeek! She’s got damage reduction! My regular arrows can’t hurt her at all!! OK, think, Haley. If she’s a demon, she’s vulnerable to cold iron. BUT if she’s a devil, she’s vulnerable to silver. But which one is it? Which one??
    Sabine: I think I’m gonna drain a level for each time you called me skank.
    Sabine: Ah, who am I kidding, I’m going to drain them all anyway. Here I come!
    Haley: I’m so glad I took Manyshot… Eat obscure alchemical metal, fiend-skank!
    <sfx> TWANG! thunk!
    Sabine: YEEEAAAGHHH! That hurts! Screw this, I’m taking my chances with the monsters. But trust me, you haven’t seen the last of me, bitch!
    Haley: Darn it! She got away! I can’t believe I let her get away!! And I still don’t know which arrow hurt her!!

    Spoiler: Strip 63
    Show
    Together, They’re Six Feet of Whoop Ass
    Belkar, YikYik

    Belkar: Oh yeah. This? This thing right here? This is gonna be fun.
    YikYik: Let’s do it.
    <sfx> clang!
    YikYik: AAAH! You little-
    <sfx> SCHKLRRT! scheeet scheet scheeeet SPLORTCH!
    Belkar: <whistling>

    Spoiler: Strip 64
    Show
    Transference
    Thog, Roy, Nale

    Thog: thog crush talky-man!
    Roy: Y’know, what I can’t figure out is how a subliterate thug like you made it through fighter college.
    Thog: thog not start as fighter. thog start as barbarian!
    Roy: Hmmm, that explains a lot…
    Thog: thog only multiclass to fighter for two levels to get bonus feats. fighter 3 is dumb level. thog not take.
    Roy: Hey! Some of my best friends are 3rd level fighters!
    Roy: Well, allow me to introduce you to something you missed: Weapon Specialization!
    Thog: ouch!
    Nale: Thog! This isn’t working!
    Thog: thog reluctantly forced to agree!
    Nale: As battles go, I prefer something a little more one-sided. Let’s switch. You can finish Elan off easily while I hold back Roy.
    Thog: okie dokie!
    Roy: I think you just made a tactical error there, Nale.
    Nale: Oh really? You think I can’t take you?
    Roy: Maybe. Maybe not. But I do know one thing: I’ve been repressing the urge to beat the crap out of someone who looks EXACTLY like you for a long, long time.

    Spoiler: Strip 65
    Show
    The Magic Words
    Vaarsuvius, Zz’dtri

    Vaarsuvius: Ah, at long last, we shall compare the measure of our respective arcane powers!
    Zz’dtri: No Fireballs left.
    Vaarsuvius: Yes, perhaps I have expended my daily allotment of Fireballs, but you as well have cast many Fly spells this long day. This battle shall be decided by the depth of our mastery of the lesser spells!
    Vaarsuvius: Magic Missile!
    Zz’dtri: Shield.
    <sfx> pock! pock! pock! pock! pock!
    Vaarsuvius: Scorching Ray!
    <sfx> sizzzle!
    Zz’dtri: Spell resistance.
    Vaarsuvius: Sleep!
    Zz’dtri: Elf.
    Vaarsuvius: Oh, right. Well, then, I believe perhaps I am, in fact, completely screwed.
    Zz’dtri: Yes.
    Vaarsuvius: AAAAH!!!
    Vaarsuvius: <thinking> The scimitars… “Zz’dtri”… of course! My only hope!
    Vaarsuvius: Aren’t- Aren’t you- AAAH! Aren’t you a violation of a certain popular fantasy author’s intellectual property?!?

    Spoiler: Strip 66
    Show
    Thog's Secret Weakness
    Vaarsuvius, Elan, Thog, Haley

    Elan: So, um, Vaarsuvius, you don't happen to have any of those really nifty spells ready right now? Like, say, "Hold Half-Orc" for example?
    Vaarsuvius: Alas, no, I have expended all of my prepared spells for the day. Why do you ask?
    Elan: Um, no reason.
    Vaarsuvius: Elan, use your bard magic! Thog must have an abysmal Will saving throw.
    Elan: Oh, right, I forgot I could do that! Silent Image!
    Vaarsuvius: Good gods, man! Is that the only illusion you can ever devise??
    Elan: Yeah. I mean, it was that, or a litter of puppies, and I doubt a rampaging barbarian would have stopped for that.
    Thog: ewww! thog thinks pretty girls are icky!
    Elan: Aww man! It's not working!
    Vaarsuvius: Do not give up so easily, Elan. I have an idea. Move the illusion closer to Thog.
    Elan: OK.
    Thog: stay away! thog not want girl cooties! thog surrender! just keep pretty girls away from thog!
    Haley: Wait, so what am I, chopped liver?
    Vaarsuvius: Now is really not the time.

    Spoiler: Strip 67
    Show
    Cliffhanger
    Nale, Roy, Elan

    Nale: I think it’s safe to say this particular scheme has pretty much hit rock bottom. Time for my cunning villainous escape: Expeditious Retreat! +12 to Jump check, sucker!
    Roy: Arrgh! There is no way I’m getting over that wall in all this armor.
    Elan: Oooh! Oooh! Pick me, Roy! I’ll go! C’mon, I promise I won’t let him get away.
    Roy: I have no doubt that in years to come, I’ll look back with regret on what I am about to say, but yeah, OK. Elan, get Nale.
    Elan: Yes! I won’t let you down!
    Roy: Up you go.
    Nale: Damn. Wreaking the bridge seemed like a really good idea at the time.
    Elan: Nale! There’s no way to go. Surrender!
    Nale: Surrender? Never, you moronic little twit. I’d rather die than—
    <sfx> crrr CRACK!
    Nale: Help me, brother!
    Elan: Karma-riffic!

    Spoiler: Strip 68
    Show
    Unconscience
    Nale, Elan, Being of Evil, Being of Good, Being of Law, Being of Chaos

    Nale: Help!
    Elan: I don’t know what to do now!
    <sfx> POOF!
    Being of Evil: Oh yeah, this kicks nine kinds of ass. That loser is right where he belongs. You don’t even have to lift a finger, just hang out and let sweet, sweet gravity do its job.
    <sfx> POOF!
    Being of Good: No, Elan, you have to help Nale. He is still your brother, and to kill him, even through inaction, would be wrong.
    Being of Evil: Um, hello, am I the only one who remembers his SWORD sticking out of my man Elan’s CHEST? C’mon, he totally stabbed you! It’s like you said, karma, dude. He brought this on himself.
    Being of Good: But his evil is the direct result of the environment in which he was raised. Had it been you that had been raised by your father, wouldn’t you have ended up evil?
    Being of Evil: Oh, that’s a load of crap. Evil is objective, I should know!
    Being of Good: Elan, if Nale dies, Mommy will cry.
    Being of Evil: Ugh, what a cheap shot!
    Being of Good: Hey, guilt is one of the primary weapons in Good’s arsenal.
    <sfx> POOF! POOF!
    Elan: Now I’m all confused! I wonder if there might be another philosophical perspective to consider…
    <sfx> POOF!
    Being of Law: 100101010100010101101011!
    <sfx> POOF!
    Being of Chaos: Turquoise bicycle shoe fins actualize radishes greenly!
    Elan: So much for Law and Chaos…

    Spoiler: Strip 69
    Show
    Hey, It Was Worth a Shot
    Elan, Nale, Roy, Haley, Belkar, Vaarsuvius, Thog

    Elan: OK. I’ll help you up, if you promise to surrender.
    Nale: Fine! Whatever! Just be careful, my hands are still slippery with your blood.
    Elan: You’re not making me feel better about this decision.
    Nale: I’ll never tell you anything about Xykon.
    Elan: Yeah, I know. But I didn’t save you so we could interrogate you. I saved you ‘cause I’m the Good twin, not the Neutral twin.
    Nale: …I don’t get it.
    Elan: Yup.
    Roy: Oh thanks the gods that stupid ice wall is melting. Whoa, Elan, you actually captured him?
    Haley: Ha! Owe me 10 gold.
    Roy: Yeah, yeah.
    Belkar: Hey! Who’s that good lookin’ in his swanky new leather hat? Must be Belkar!
    Haley: Ugh, that’s disgusting.
    Vaarsuvius: Are those cracks I see in the ceiling?
    Roy: Damn it, Belkar, I wanted to question all of them. You should have captured him.
    Belkar: For future reference, that’s the sort of request you should make BEFORE the battle starts, genius.
    Thog: thog hungry.
    Haley: I’ll tie Nale up like I did Thog. I have 8 ranks in Use Rope!
    Belkar: Kinky.
    Haley: Shut up.
    Roy: We’ve got more pressing matters, too. They may not be swarming, but we still have to get past all those monsters. I really wish we had someone who could fly us out of here.
    <sfx> crack!
    Roy: GAAAH!
    <sfx> THUNK!
    Haley: I really wish I had a bajillion gold pieces!!

    Spoiler: Strip 70
    Show
    That’s Just Mean
    Haley, Vaarsuvius, Roy, Nale, Thog, Celia

    Haley: V, isn’t this the chick who was guarding the Air Sigil?
    Vaarsuvius: Indeed, I believe it is.
    Roy: Funny, I don’t remember anyone guarding the Earth Sigil.
    Nale: Heh heh.
    Thog: ha ha! *snort*
    Vaarsuvius: I guess the drow petrified her while our backs were turned.
    Roy: Can you change her back?
    Vaarsuvius: No, I do not possess the proper spell.
    Nale: What a shame, the Good Guys can’t rescue the sylph.
    Thog: ha ha! they not have scroll.
    Roy: Scroll?
    Nale: Shut. Up.
    Thog: ha! stupid talky man not have scroll nale has! ha ha!
    Roy: Let’s see about that. Haley?
    Haley: One Search check, coming right up.
    Nale: Hey! Back off! That tickles!
    Haley: Got it! Looks like a scroll of Break Enchantment.
    Roy: If Nale wanted this sylph silenced, then I want to hear what she has to say. Vaarsuvius?
    Vaarsuvius: Break Enchantment.
    Celia: GAH!
    Vaarsuvius: Oops.
    Celia: Ow! What… what the hell happened?
    Vaarsuvius: You were transmuted to stone—
    Nale: For a thousand years!
    Celia: WHAT??
    Nale: Yup. Every person you ever loved is long since dead.
    Celia: No!! I never got the chance to tell—
    Nale: Nah, I’m just screwing with you, it’s been like an hour, tops.
    <sfx> ZZZZAAPP!
    Nale: Totally worth it.
    Thog: AAAAAARGH! thog hurt!

    Spoiler: Strip 71
    Show
    Career Girl
    Haley, Nale, Celia. Roy, Belkar, Elan, Djinn
    Haley: I think this is a little overdue, don't you, Nale?
    Nale: Mmmmph!
    Celia: That jackass was responsible for everything?
    Roy: Afraid so. Can you think of any specific reason he'd want to kill you?
    Belkar: I believe “jackass” was mentioned?
    Celia: As employees, we were magically shielded from any attacks by the monsters he was trying to control.
    Roy: From what I've learned, just being able to ignore his new Cosmic Mojo would be reason enough for Nale's ego.
    Belkar: See also: "jackass".
    Roy: But tell me: Why is a good fey like you working for Xykon?
    Celia: Xykon?? The creepy dead guy? Ewww! I don't work for him.
    Roy: Huh? I thought you worked here.
    Celia: I do, but not for him. I work for Dorukan.
    Belkar: The guy who made the Talisman?
    Celia: And the castle, and the dungeon. Everything.
    Belkar: He might want to sue his contractor. Stuff keeps breaking.
    Celia: I'd pass that along, but he disappeared about 6 months ago. But I've got a one year contract, so I've mostly been making personal calls and swiping office supplies.
    <cutaway>
    Roy: <voiceover> So Xykon just took over?
    Celia: <voiceover> Pretty much. Showed up a few months ago with a couple hundred minions. He took over the corridors and rooms, but left all the vaults alone.
    <box text> This side up (upside-down). Magic Tomes. DVDs.
    <cutback>
    Roy: Vaults?
    Celia: Where the old wizard locked up his artifacts. Like this place.
    Elan: Hanging around a dungeon all day sounds like a pretty crappy job.
    Celia: Well, you know how it is. You get out of school, go on a few interviews, but all they ask:
    <cutaway>
    Djinn: So, do you have any actual experience manipulating the primal elemental forces of the Wind?
    Celia: Well, ummm...
    <cutback>
    Celia: This was the only crummy job I could find in this economy.
    Belkar: I know EXACTLY what you mean.

    Spoiler: Strip 72
    Show
    Loose Ends
    Roy, Celia, Haley, Belkar, Elan, Vaarsuvius, Durkon

    Roy: So, do you now go back to guarding stuff, Miss… uh…
    Celia: My name’s Celia. And no, no point in that now. I screwed this job up good. I think I’m just going to bail. Besides, my brush with stonedom has gotten me thinking about priorities. I’m too focused on my career. I’m going to go home, relax, spend some time with my family, catch up with old friends, and fool around with my boyfriend.
    Roy: I suppose with your immunity, you’ll have no problems getting past all those monsters.
    Celia: Actually, I’m kinda in a hurry, so I’m summoning the employee exit.
    <door text> Authorized Personnel Only
    Roy: Whoa, this goes straight to the surface?
    Celia: Down too, but only two more levels. Dorukan wanted the bottom of the dungeon off-limits.
    Roy: Two levels means bypassing the pit of monsters AND a whole lot of goblins. Do you mind?
    Celia: I’m not supposed to let anyone in here, but eh, what do I care? I don’t work here anymore.
    Haley: What about these two? We can’t just drag them around behind us from now on.
    Belkar: I have an idea. It begins with “s” and ends with “litting their throats.”
    Elan: No! No killing.
    Belkar: Technically, you mean no MORE killing.
    Vaarsuvius: I believe I have a compromise. Miss Celia is retreating to the town. She can lead these miscreants to the constables there for incarceration.
    Celia: Heck yeah. They totally deserve to get locked up.
    Elan: Yeah, OK.
    Haley: <whispering> Pssst! Are we sure we can trust her?
    Roy: <whispering> I think so. They killed her co-workers, I don’t think she will let them go free.
    Roy: Well, Celia, thank you for your help.
    Celia: Thank YOU. I’d still be a lawn ornament if it weren’t for you guys.
    Roy: This is great! We bypassed two levels and are that much closer to Xykon!
    Haley: And treasure!
    Elan: I suppose… But I’m still sad about Nale, and what might happen to him. Oh, and I’ve got this nagging feeling we’re all forgetting something.
    <cutaway>
    Durkon: Hullo? Lads?
    (D): Hello? Guys?

    Spoiler: Strip 73
    Show
    Thor’s Teachings
    Durkon, Red Monster, Green Monster, Blue Monster, Thor, Northern goddess

    Durkon: Ach, Durkon, ye be right up the River Styx without a paddle this time. Energy-drain’d an left all alone inna room chock full a’ monsters. Anc’stors’ beards, here they come! Maybe if I lie still, dey be passin’ me by.
    (D): Man, Durkon, you're up the River Styx without a paddle this time. Energy-drained and left all alone in a room chock full of monsters. Ancestors beards, here they come! Maybe if I lie still, the’ll pass me by.
    Red Monster: Why look, my hordling brothers, I believe we have found ourselves a delicious meal this day!
    Green Monster: Yes, let us devour the mortal.
    Blue Monster: I don’t know guys, it’s a dwarf. You know how fatty they are, and I’m trying to watch my intake.
    Green Monster: Good point, I could do without the trans fats.
    Red Monster: You guys should look into Atkins. Steve’s on it, and he can eat all the dwarves he wants, as long as he doesn’t have any bread with them.
    Green Monster: Ugh, that CAN’T be good for you in the long run.
    Durkon: Whew! But tha next monsters’ll likely not be dieting. I best figure a way out of this dire predicament… Think, Durkon. Think back on yer training a’ tha temple. A’ course, me prayer necklace reminds me a’ one o’ tha basic teachin’s.
    (D): Whew! But the next monsters probably won't be dieting. I need to find a way out of this dire predicament... Think, DUrkon. Think back on your training at the temple. Of course, my prayer necklace reminds me of one of the basic teachings.
    <amulet text> W.W.T.D.?
    Durkon: What WOULD Thor do?
    <thinking>
    Thor: With my ultimate power of the thunders, I, Thor, smash this entire dungeon to shattered ruins, each piece no larger than a man’s fist.
    <thinking>
    Thor: Then, I return to Asgard to woo goddesses and drink an ocean’s worth of beer. Huzzah!
    Northern goddess: Oh, Thor! *giggle*
    <end thought>
    Durkon: In retrospect, that “W.W.T.D.” thing be nev’r really as applicable ta my situation as ‘tis suppose ta be.
    (D): In retrospect, that "W.W.T.D." thing is never really as applicable in my situation as it's suppose to be.

    Spoiler: Strip 74
    Show
    Back From the Pit
    Durkon, Hilgya, Flumph 1, Flumph 2

    <sfx> clump! clump! clump!
    Durkon: ‘Tis it, Durkon. Whatever hellspawn be crawling outta that pit, I hope ‘e chokes on me beard!
    (D): This is it, Durkon. Whatever hellspawn is crawling out of that pit, I hope he chokes on my beard!
    <sfx> clump! clump!
    Hilgya: Hi!
    Durkon: Ye?!? What are ye doin’, come back to finish me off?
    (D): You?!? What are you doing, come back to finish me off?
    Hilgya: Nope. I don’t want to hurt you Durkon.
    Durkon: Ye’ve got an interestin’ method of accomplishin’ that goal, Hilgya.
    (D): You've got an interesting method of accomplishing that goal, Hilgya.
    Hilgya: I never wanted to help Nale, he’s a big jerk. But Loki commanded me to steal the Talisman from him, so I pretended to be his friend.
    Hilgya: Here, let me help you. Restoration! They abandoned us both, you know.
    Durkon: How did ye survive?
    (D): How did you survive?
    <flashback>
    Hilgya: <voiceover> Well, I slipped off Thog’s foot when your elf friend dispelled the Fly spell.
    Hilgya: EEK!
    Hilgya: Luckily, my fall was cushioned by a horrible monster.
    <sfx> SPLAT!!
    Flumph 1: AAARGH!
    Hilgya: Once I got on the ground, I cast a Sanctuary spell, warding the monsters away from attacking me.
    <end flashback>
    Durkon: I’m surpris’d it work’d on all of them critters at once.
    (D): I surprised it worked on all of those critters at once.
    Hilgya: They’re 2nd Edition monsters. They don’t even HAVE a Will Save. If we each cast Sanctuary again, I bet we can just walk out untouched.
    Durkon: Good thinkin’. Sanctuary!
    (D): Good thinking. Sanctuary!
    Flumph 2: You’re gonna be just fine.
    Flumph 1: I think… I’m starting to get some feeling back in my—
    <sfx> SPLAT!! SPLAT!!

    Spoiler: Strip 75
    Show
    The Blame Game
    Belkar, Haley, Roy, Vaarsuvius, Elan

    Belkar: Belkar shoots, he scores!
    Haley: Yuck.
    Roy: We took a beating back there, we probably ought to rest.
    Vaarsuvius: Yes, I am currently spell-free.
    Roy: Hey Durkon, why don’t you break out whatever healing you have left and— Crap on a stick. Umm, not to sound overly alarmist, but does anyone happen to know where Durkon is right now?
    Haley: WHAT?!?
    Elan: Oh no!
    Belkar: No cleric? No, no, no, Belkar gots to get his heal on! Those few hit points from resting are not gonna cut it!
    Haley: Oh man! I can’t believe you and Vaarsuvius forgot to help Durkon!
    Belkar: What an Epic-level screw up.
    Elan: Good job, you two.
    Roy: Wait, us??? As I recall, all five of us were in the room, and NONE of us remembered to bring him along.
    Haley: True. But the three of us are so consistently and staggeringly irresponsible that it’s utterly unreasonable to expect us to have been paying any attention in the first place.
    Belkar: Damn straight.
    Roy: That…is actually a very valid point. You’re right. My bad.
    Elan: I am so disappointed in you, Roy.
    Roy: Don’t push it.

    Spoiler: Strip 76
    Show
    She's a Sneaky One
    Durkon, Hilgya

    Durkon: Ach, we’ve searched da whole level, and no sign o’ me allies. They musta gone down. Roy wouldna turned back now, ‘e’s too close ta Xykon.
    (D): Ach, we've searched the entire level, and no sign of my allies. They must have gone down. Roy wouldn't turn back now, he's too close to Xykon.
    Hilgya: Wow, this level is really dark. We should turn on our Darkvision.
    Durkon: Ah, right.
    <sfx> CLICK! CLICK!
    Durkon: I been wit’ tha humans so long, I fergot I haddit! Tho they ne’er seem ta carry no lantern, neither…
    (D): I've been with the humans so long, I forgot I had it! Though they never seem to carry a lantern, either...
    Hilgya: So you’ve been away from dwarven lands for a long time then?
    Durkon: Aye, years.
    (D): Yes, years.
    Hilgya: Gee, that must be really tough on your wife.
    Durkon: Umm, I not hav’ no wife.
    (D): Umm, I don't have a wife.
    Hilgya: Girlfriend?
    Durkon: Nay.
    (D): No.
    Hilgya: Gosh, you know, my dwarven stonecunning is telling me that this surface is unstable.
    Durkon: Really? I’m na getting’ no feelin’—
    (D): Really? I'm not getting that feeling—
    Hilgya: Oh, no, definitely. We should probably hold hands or something, in case the floor gives way. Can’t be too careful.
    Durkon: Oh. Uh, OK. If ya think it’s fer the best.
    (D): Oh. Uh, OK. If you think it's for the best.

    Spoiler: Strip 77
    Show
    A Battle of Attrition
    Hilgya, Durkon, Monster

    Hilgya: So, it’s kind of chilly. Maybe you could put your arm around—
    Monster: RRRAARGH!!
    <sfx> SLASH!
    Hilgya: Cure Light Wounds!
    Monster: GRRAARGH!
    <sfx> SLASH!
    Durkon: Cure Light Wounds!
    Monster: RROARRR!
    <sfx> SLASH!
    Hilgya: Cure Light Wounds!
    Monster: GRROWWWRGH!
    <sfx> SLASH!
    Durkon: Cure Light Wounds!
    <sfx> CLAW! CLAW! BITE!
    Durkon: Cure Moderate Wounds!
    Monster: huff huff huff huff. Eh, screw this. I’ll order Thai.
    Durkon and Hilgya: Go, Team Cleric!

    Spoiler: Strip 78
    Show
    Unfinished Business
    Roy, Elan, Eugene

    Roy: We’re resting just long enough for V to regain spells, then we’re heading up to find Durkon.
    Elan: Nighty-night!
    Roy: 3…2…1…
    Eugene: What, I’m that predictable now?
    Roy: Thanks for the warning back there, Dad, but I didn’t understand it until it was almost too late.
    Eugene: Eh, you figured it out at exactly the right time. That’s how this stuff usually works.
    Roy: Yeah, but you could have given me more of a hint. Or heck, you could have just showed up then and told me what needed to happen.
    Eugene: ‘Cause you woulda listened, too. I told you to go to Wizard School as I recall, you didn’t listen then, did you? Besides, there’s rules for this sort of thing. I can’t just go nipping off from the afterlife to warn that the milk has gone spoiled, y’know.
    Roy: Well, do you have any other pearls of wisdom to dispense? Maybe something to help me fight Xykon?
    Eugene: I’m sorry, I can’t interfere with that directly.
    Roy: Because of the unfinished business between the two of you?
    Eugene: Yeah.
    <cutaway>
    Eugene: NO!
    <cutback>
    Eugene: Whatever scheme he’s cooking up, it falls on you to screw it up for me. Eldest child, and all that. Of course, it would be a lot easier if you could, say, turn him into a frog. But I guess sticking him with sharp pieces of metal will have to suffice. No, no, it’ll be OK. Maybe he’ll check tetanus from your big stick. Oooh, no, wait- he’s a SKELETON now, that’s right!
    Roy: Geez, Dad…
    Eugene: Or you could stick him in the eye. Oh! Right! SKELETON! Or maybe he’ll bleed to—
    Roy: OK! OK! I GET IT!

    Spoiler: Strip 79
    Show
    The Heavens Moved
    Hilgya, Durkon, Thor, Loki

    Hilgya: *YAWN!* I’m getting sleepy, Durkon. Maybe we better camp for the night.
    Durkon: Aye. The group will be needin’ to rest for V’s spells anyway.
    (D): Yes. The group will need to rest for V's spells anyway.
    Hilgya: Y’know, I’m kinda glad your friends aren’t here right now.
    Durkon: Wha? They be a fine group, for humans. And an elf.
    (D): What? They are a fine group, for humans. And an elf.
    Hilgya: And a halfling.
    Durkon: No, I left ‘im out on purpose.
    (D): No, I left him out on purpose.
    Hilgya: What I meant was, I’m glad we got a second chance to spend some time alone. Together.
    Durkon: Oh.
    Hilgya: I haven’t met too many dwarves since I left the Homelands. Our people don’t travel among the humans very often. So when I saw you, I knew we had everything in common. And now, we’re here, in the dark together. Alone.
    <cutaway>
    Thor: Loki! In the name of Father Odin, I will smite thee for thy wicked ways.
    Loki: Bring it on, Thunder Geek.
    Thor: Your ignoble threats have no effect on-
    Loki: Wait. Do you feel that?
    Thor: Ach! Your ruses shall not sway my hammer!
    Loki: Dude. Chill for a minute. How can you not feel that?
    Thor: Actually, now that you mention it, something does feel a bit… off.
    Loki: I think it’s coming from down there.
    Thor: Hmmm. Oh, yeah, I think I see something…
    Thor and Loki: Ewwwwwwwwwww!
    Loki: I think I’m gonna be sick.

    Spoiler: Strip 80
    Show
    Replacement Cleric
    Elan, Roy

    Elan: So Roy, if we can’t find Durkon, we’ll need to get a new cleric, right?
    Roy: I suppose, but I’d prefer not to think about that quite yet.
    Elan: Well, it’s just that we’re probably going to level up soon, and I was thinking I could multiclass to cleric.
    Roy: Hah! You?? Elan, you need Wisdom to be a cleric. At least a smidgen.
    Elan: Nah, that’s just what they WANT you to believe. It’s a big conspiracy, you know.
    Roy: Thanks for illustrating my point so effectively. But tell me, in this fantasy of yours, which god would you be worshipping?
    Elan: Ahh! That’s the best part! I made up my own deity! Behold! BANJO the CLOWN--God of Puppets!!!!! See, I named him Banjo because he has a little—
    Roy: Yeah, I get it. Elan, You cannot be the cleric of a hand puppet clown.
    Elan: Sure I can! Technically, you can be the cleric of a “cause”.
    Roy: I don’t see how a puppet qualifies.
    Elan: Banjo is a state of mind, Roy. Embrace Banjo’s teachings and lo, thou shall be bountiful all of thy days.
    Roy: Hmm, yeah, I don’t think so. Maybe if you could find me a marionette to worship, or possibly some kind of pantomime horse, I’d consider it.
    Elan: You dare mock the mighty Banjo? Prepare to be smote, infidel!
    <sfx> Bzzt!
    Elan: Hmm, I think maybe Banjo needs a few more followers before he can get in some decent smiting.
    Roy: Good luck with that.

    Spoiler: Strip 81
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    First Church of Banjo
    Belkar, Elan, Haley, Vaarsuvius

    Belkar: Let me get this straight: The more worshippers you get for you little doll there, the more Roy will get zapped?
    Elan: I suppose that’s one way of looking at it.
    Belkar: ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY BANJO!!
    Haley: How does Banjo feel about taxation?
    Elan: Banjo wisely believes the consumer best knows how to spend his or her hard earned money.
    Haley: Hmmm. I like what I’m hearing. But there’s so many gods on the market today. How do I know that Banjo is right deity for me?
    Elan: We understand you concerns. That’s why the Church of Banjo offers a 30-day guarantee. We’ll refund double your burnt offerings back if you’re not completely satisfied.
    Haley: Wow! OK, what the heck, I’m in. As long as he’s against killing. I can’t worship a bloodthirsty vengeance god.
    Elan: Um, right, absolutely, banjo hates killing.
    Belkar: WHAT?? Not the Banjo *I* know! He’s old school! I don’t care for this new direction.
    Elan: OK, OK, we can make this work. Belkar, ignore everything I said after you began worshipping, and just call yourself an Orthodox Banjoist. Haley, you ignore everything I said BEFORE you started worshipping, and call yourself a Reformed Banjoist.
    Belkar: Sweet.
    Haley: Works for me.
    Elan, Belkar, and Haley: YAY BANJO!
    Elan: How about you, Vaarsuvius? Come and join Banjo’s flock.
    Vaarsuvius: I think not! I worship the ancient elven god of knowledge, keeper of secrets so mighty that even the smallest taste of them would shatter your sanity! My devotion to his arcane mysteries is absolute! I shall never renounce him! Never! Do you hear me? NEVER! NEVER!
    Elan: I’ll throw in a free coffee maker.
    Vaarsuvius: Does it do espresso?
    Elan: No.
    Vaarsuvius: NEVER!

    Spoiler: Strip 82
    Show
    Beats Pay-Per-View
    Redcloak, Monster in the Darkness, Hilgya, Durkon, Demon Roach 1, Demon Roach 2

    Redcloak: Um, hello? Mysterious creature-thing in the shadows? Bloody darkvision, what good is it if it doesn’t work in magical darkness? Where the heck are you?
    Monster in the Darkness: Over here. Watching the crystal ball.
    <sfx> squish!
    Redcloak: Geez, do you ever turn that thing off? It’s going to rot your brain, you know. Try reading a book.
    Monster in the Darkness: Uh huh.
    <sfx> Aah!
    Redcloak: Anyway. I noticed there is a real mess in the kitchen. There’s popcorn and oil and melted butter all over the place.
    Monster in the Darkness: Uh huh.
    Redcloak: And my keen senses also cannot fail to notice the large bowl of popcorn you are eating right now.
    Monster in the Darkness: Uh huh.
    <sfx> Gaaah!
    Redcloak: Some might be inclined to call that a coincidence, but not I. If I’ve told you once, I have told you a hundred times: You have to clean up after yourself or it will attract more of those giant red demon-roaches.
    <bag text> Nifty Pop
    Redcloak: Are you even listening to me? What are you watching on there anyway?
    Monster in the Darkness: Hmmm? Oh, I’ve been watching two dwarves have sex on Level Fourteen.
    <sfx> Mmmm!
    Redcloak: What???
    Monster in the Darkness: It’s pretty hot, actually.
    Redcloak: Gah! My eyes!
    Hilgya: Oooh, Durkon!
    Redcloak: Ugh!! How can you sit and watch that—
    <sfx> nngh!
    Hilgya: That’s.. that’s good… Oh yeah…
    Redcloak: Wow. You know, with those short stubby little bodies, you’d never think they had the agility to…
    Monster in the Darkness: It’s entertaining, AND educational!
    Demon Roach 1: Yeah!
    Demon Roach 2: Oo, baby!

    Spoiler: Strip 83
    Show
    Pillow Talk
    Durkon, Hilgya, Ivan

    Durkon: That…that was…ach…
    (D): That…that was…ahh…
    Hilgya: I’m glad you liked it.
    Durkon: I’ve never… I mean, I nev’r… actually, y’know.
    (D): I’ve never… I mean, I’ve never… actually, you know.
    Hilgya: Yeah, I kinda figured. It’s OK. So, where are we going from here?
    Durkon: Well, I still be needin’ t’ find Roy and tha rest.
    (D): Well, I still will need to find Roy and the rest.
    Hilgya: Can’t you just forget about them and stay with me?
    Durkon: I’ve a duty to them. I cannae just walk out onnit. But ye can come wit’ us, baby, unless yer duties lie sumplace else.
    (D): I have a duty to them. I can’t just walk out on it. But you can come with us, baby, unless your duties are somewhere else.
    Hilgya: Oh, no, I didn’t really have any big plan or anything.
    Durkon: Then why did ye come ta human lands in the first place?
    (D): Then why did you come to the human lands in the first place?
    Hilgya: To get away from my family, mostly.
    <flashback>
    Hilgya: <voiceover> My clan set me up in an arranged marriage with this guy from another clan, even though I didn’t know him.
    Ivan: This is the happiest day of my life.
    Hilgya: <voiceover> I was miserable, and I hated my clan for it. Ivan was a horrible, cruel man who ever stopped hounding me with his endless questions.
    Ivan: Would you like a foot massage, sweetie?
    Hilgya: You’re crushing my spirit!
    <end flashback>
    Durkon: Uh…so did yer husband die, then?
    (D): Uh…so did your husband die, then?
    Hilgya: Nah, he’s alive and well.
    <flashback>
    Hilgya: <voiceover> Not for lack of trying on my part, though. You have no idea how tough that +2 racial bonus against poison is to overcome!
    Hilgya: How about a sandwich, honey?
    Ivan: Hilgya, you’re the greatest!
    <end flashback>
    Hilgya: So I just gave up and ran away from all my responsibilities to my clan and abandoned my marriage. And now I’m here with you.

    Spoiler: Strip 84
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    Saddest. Comic. Ever.
    Hilgya, Durkon

    Hilgya: What’s wrong?
    Durkon: “What’s wrong?” Yer freak’n married, tha’s what’s wrong!!
    (D): “What’s wrong?” You’re freaking married, that’s what’s wrong!
    Hilgya: Yeah, but I told you, I ran away from that. It didn’t make me happy.
    Durkon: Happy? HAPPY? What tha heck does happiness have to do wit’ bein’ a dwarf?? Ye were married in tha eyes of the gods an’ our ancestors! Ye can’t just ignore that when it strikes yer fancy!!
    (D): Happy? HAPPY? What the heck does happiness have to do with being a dwarf?? You were married in the eyes of the gods and our ancestors! You can’t just ignore that when it strikes your fancy!!
    Hilgya: Oh, golly, I’m soooo sorry I can’t get worked up by what a bunch of dead dwarves think about my personal life. MY personal life, as in MY business.
    Durkon: Ugh, listen to ye! Ye sound like one of the humans, with their “If it feels groovy, do it,” and their “inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness.”
    (D): Ugh, listen to you! You sound like one of the humans, with their “If it feels groovy, do it,” and their “inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness.”
    Hilgya: Hey, I like living among the humans. At least THEY don’t shackle me with stupid rules about my love life. I thought you felt the same way. Why else would you be traveling with them?
    Durkon: Are ye kidding?? I hate livin’ in human lands! Everythin’s too big, and too bright, and too warm, and I ain’t had a decent mug o’ lager in five years. I stay here ‘cause tha High Priest of Thor commanded me to forth ‘nto human lands, until I was called fer by him. I stay ‘ere because it’s me duty. And bein’ a dwarf is about doin’ yer duty, even if it makes ye miserable. ESPECIALLY if it makes ye miserable!
    (D): Are you kidding?? I hate living in human lands! Everything’s too big, and too bright, and too warm, and I haven’t had a decent mug of lager in five years. I stay here because the High Priest of Thor commanded me to forth into human lands, until I was called for by him. I stay here because it’s my duty. And being a dwarf is about doing your duty, even if it makes you miserable. ESPECIALLY if it makes you miserable!
    Hilgya: But… I think I might love you!
    Durkon: My mum taught me tha’ I should always take feelings like that, and bury them inna deep dark part o’ my soul and nev’r ev’r talk about ‘em again. That’s tha dwarven way. Yer duty as a dwarf is ta go home and be wit’ yer husband.
    (D): My mom taught me that I should always take feelings like that, and bury them in a deep dark part of my soul and never ever talk about them again. That’s the dwarven way. Your duty as a dwarf is to go home and be with your husband.
    Hilgya: Are— are you telling me to leave?
    Durkon: …Aye.
    (D): …Yes.

    Spoiler: Strip 85
    Show
    The Elder Puppet
    Vaarsuvius, Elan, Roy, Durkon, Belkar, Haley

    Vaarsuvius: This is not an espresso maker. This is, in fact, a damp cardboard box with the word “espresto” written on it. In crayon.
    <box text> espresto
    Elan: Banjo works in mysterious ways.
    Roy: Durkon! You’re alive! You’re safe. How did you get out alive? What happened?
    Durkon: I don’t want ta talk aboot it.
    (D): I don’t want to talk about it.
    Roy: Oooookay. Geez. The guy gets a solo adventure and he gets all snippy.
    Elan: Don’t worry, Roy. If Durkon doesn’t feel well, Banjo and I can pick up the slack. He has three worshippers now!
    Belkar: Yeah, Elan, about that…I’m pretty much over that whole “Banjo” thing. I mean, I got into it strictly to injure Roy. I was lost, perplexed, spiritually adrift on a sea of confusion. But I’ve learned a valuable lesson: the power to inflict bodily harm was always mine. I just needed to use it more often. Like so.
    <sfx> splortch!
    Roy: GAAAAHH!
    Belkar: Heh heh heh.
    Elan: Well, at least you’re still a loyal Banjoist, Haley.
    Haley: Elan, I’ll level with you. I only joined your church because I figure if I got in on the ground floor of the Next Big Thing, I’d be in a position to embezzle millions later on. So if I could just get the refund you promised…
    Roy: Aww, is Elan’s freaky little puppet cult breaking up?
    Elan: The world just isn’t ready for Banjo the Clown, Roy. Soon, he will be a forgotten god, slumbering away from centuries until dark priests seek to awaken his unholy power. But when he returns, all will hear his call… The call…of BANJULHU!
    Roy: Oh, for the love of—

    Spoiler: Strip 86
    Show
    The Most Important Quest
    Vaarsuvius, Elan, Roy, Belkar, Durkon, Haley

    Vaarsuvius: Elan, I was considering our quest, and I believe I might have an idea that might aid us greatly.
    Elan: There’s no time for that now. Belkar’s in trouble! Have you found it yet?
    Vaarsuvius: Found what?
    Roy: I sent Haley out to scout. Let’s all hope she finds it in time.
    Belkar: It hurts!
    Roy: If she fails…well, I’d rather not think about the consequences.
    Elan: We can’t continue like this. We MUST find it!
    Roy: Trust me, I know the importance.
    Vaarsuvius: Importance of what?
    Durkon: But Belkar cannae hold out much longer. Na even me cleric magic can help him now!
    (D): But Belkar can’t hold out much longer. Not even my cleric magic can help him now!
    Belkar: Must…stay…strong!
    Vaarsuvius: What is wrong? Is it poison? Disease? A magical affliction of some nature?
    Roy: No. Something far more unpleasant than that. Belkar may be the first, but if we don’t find it soon, we’re all in trouble.
    Haley: I found it! I found it!
    Vaarsuvius: Found what??
    Roy: Are you sure?
    Haley: Yes, the signs are in place, just as we expected. It’s up ahead. Look, there!
    Roy: Oh, thank the gods.
    Durkon: At last, there be hope!
    (D): At last, there is hope!
    Roy: And not a moment too soon.
    Elan: I promised myself I wouldn’t cry…
    Belkar: One side! One side!

    Spoiler: Strip 87
    Show
    Bathroom Humor
    Vaarsuvius, Elan, Roy, Belkar, Haley

    Vaarsuvius: I shall wait for you masters of tact and subtlety out here.
    Elan: Aren’t you going to use the bathroom, V?
    Vaarsuvius: I need not. My noble elven metabolism is far more efficient than your own, and I need only concern myself with such base needs every few weeks or so.
    Elan: Oooh! Like a camel?
    Vaarsuvius: …Sure, why not?
    Elan: Neat! Hey Roy, did you know that V is a half-camel?
    Roy: Is there anything I can say to that question that will end this conversation quicker?
    Elan: Not really.
    <sfx> clank! clank! clank!
    Elan: Unless he’s half-dromedary…
    Belkar: Ahhh! I feel 30 lbs. lighter!
    Roy: You weigh only 30 lb. in the first place.
    Elan: I wonder what the ECL on a half-camel is.
    Belkar: Well, it’s got to be pretty low since V is a primary spellcaster.
    Roy: Belkar, don’t encourage him.
    <sign text> Employees must wash hands and/or tentacles before returning to work.
    Elan: I think I can see the hump!
    Vaarsuvius: Are we quite done here?
    Roy: That depends. Has anyone seen Haley?
    <cutaway>
    Haley: Darn it! Why is there ALWAYS a line???

    Spoiler: Strip 88
    Show
    Getting Closer
    Vaarsuvius, Roy, Durkon, Haley, Belkar, Elan

    Vaarsuvius: Before we are again interrupted by some foolishness, I have a cunning plan I must relate.
    Roy: Sure, V, go ahead.
    Vaarsuvius: It occurred to me that our recent bypassing of several levels was a very efficient means to get to our ultimate goal, the defeat of Xykon. This got me to thinking. Would you be opposed to a strategy that would likewise bypass—rather than engage—many of the monsters contained therein?
    Roy: You mean sneak past them somehow? Well, Haley will probably complain about the treasure skipped, and Belkar will whine about the XP lost. So no, I don’t oppose it at all.
    Vaarsuvius: I have a spelled called Invisibility Sphere. It has the effect of turning all allied creatures invisible—
    Roy: —Within 10 feet of the caster! My dad used to have the same spell. Great idea, V!
    Vaarsuvius: Yes, usually it is a ten foot radius. However, I purchased this spell from the Magic Shoppe’s discount bin. Its area effect is… shall we say, slightly less robust.
    Roy: How big is it?
    Vaarsuvius: Small.
    Roy: HOW small?
    Vaarsuvius: Three feet, nine inches.
    Haley: Oww! My foot!
    Belkar: This is unbelievable dumb.
    Durkon: I cannae breathe down here!
    (D): I can’t breathe down here!
    Vaarsuvius: Silence, as I cast the spell. INVISIBILITY SPHERE!!
    <sfx> pop!
    Elan: Who’s groping me??
    Roy: What?
    Elan: Someone is squeezing my butt!
    Durkon: It be not me.
    (D): It’s isn’t me.
    Vaarsuvius: Nor is it I.
    Elan: Well, someone’s doing it, and they better cut it out. Is it you, Belkar? Roy?
    Roy: Actually, I think Haley’s doing it.
    Haley: Tee hee. Sorry, Elan.

    Spoiler: Strip 89
    Show
    Invisibility: The Lazy Artist’s Friend
    Roy, Haley, Belkar, Durkon, Elan, Vaarsuvius

    Roy: OK, gang, now that we’re all invisible, we can sneak by any monsters that we come across.
    Elan: Cool.
    Haley: What about Durkon’s armor? Won’t it still clank all over the place?
    Durkon: I took me armor off, lass. I be carryin’ it now, it clanks much less this way.
    (D): I took my armor off, lass. I’m carrying it now, and it clanks much less this way.
    Roy: OK, if you’re done with questions, let’s all head off now.
    Haley: Which way?
    Roy: That way.
    Elan: Wait, WHICH way?
    Roy: THAT way, try to pay attention. Now let’s go.
    <sfx> THUNK!!
    Elan: OW!
    Haley: EEEK!
    Durkon: D’OH!
    Roy: What did you do that for?
    Elan: You said we were going this way.
    Roy: Not this way, THAT way.
    Elan: Ummm…
    Haley: Wait, I think I got it. Roy, do you want us to go forwards or backwards?
    Roy: Forwards, Haley.
    Haley: Right, then, let’s go.
    <sfx> THUNK!!
    Durkon: GAH!
    Elan: OUCH!
    Belkar: Goddamn it!
    Roy: I said go forward!
    Belkar: I did go forward, dumbass! But your lumbering corpse-to-be was in my path!
    Roy: Then you were facing the wrong way!
    Belkar: Oh yeah? And how the hell was I suppose to know that?
    Vaarsuvius: Bah! I cannot tolerate this lunacy any longer. My spell is not of infinite duration. Sir Greenhilt, is THIS the direction you would like us to proceed?
    Roy: Yes, thank you, Vaarsuvius.
    Elan: Ohhh…Why didn’t you just say so in the first place?
    Haley: Yeah, seriously.
    Belkar: Good job, loser.
    Roy: …You’re lucky attacking ends the spell, or I would smack the crap out of all of you.
    Belkar: Bite my 50% miss chance.

    Spoiler: Strip 90
    Show
    Consequences of a Failed Skill Check
    Goblin 1, Goblin 2, Roy, Elan, Haley, Goblin Cleric, Durkon

    Goblin 1: So then he says to me, “Don’t work harder, work smarter”.
    Goblin 2: You’re kidding.
    Goblin 1: Seriously. And I was all “Uh, Ted, we have a listed Intelligence score of 10, there’s only so much I can do with that.”
    Goblin 2: I know! What does he think we are? Xvarts?
    Roy: <whispering> See anything?
    Haley: <whispering> Yeah.
    Roy: <whispering> OK, gang, goblins up ahead. Everyone make your Move Silently check.
    Haley: <whispering> Right.
    Elan: <whispering> Got it!
    Roy: <whispering> I got a 17.
    Haley: <whispering> I got a 24.
    Belkar: <whispering> I got a 19.
    Elan: I GOT A 4! DID YOU HEAR ME? I GOT—
    Roy. Shut up. Now.
    Goblin Cleric: Invisibility Purge.
    Roy: Time for Plan B, I think.
    Haley: Is that the one where we set something on fire?
    Roy: Oh, right, then Plan C.
    Haley: Which one is that?
    Roy: RUN AWAY!!!!!
    Belkar: Really? Because that always struck me as Plan A…
    Durkon: Such be me lot in life…
    (D): Such is my lot in life…

    Spoiler: Strip 91
    Show
    Proof That I am Deeply Disturbed
    Durkon, Roy, Fruit Pie the Sorcerer, Elan, Goblin 1, Goblin 2, Goblin 3

    Durkon: Thar’s aboot gazillion goblins chasin’ us, Roy.
    (D): There’s about a gazillion goblin’s chasing us, Roy.
    Roy: I know! I know! Let me think of a plan.
    Fruit Pie: Why not give them delicious Sorcerer’s Fruit Pies?
    Elan: Wow! It’s Fruit Pie the Sorcerer!
    Fruit Pie: That’s right, Elan.
    Durkon: Who tha hell is this guy??
    (D): Who the hell is this guy??
    Roy: We’re kind of in the middle of a chase scene here, Elan.
    Elan: Don’t you see? If I give the goblins delicious fruit pies, they won’t be able to resist.
    Goblin 1: Mmmm!
    Goblin 2: Tasty!
    Goblin 3: I think I’ll stop this chase that I could easily continue while still enjoying a refreshing fruit pie!
    Elan: Wow, thanks, Fruit Pie! Now we can be on our way!
    Fruit Pie: Don’t mention it, Elan.
    Durkon: I cannae believe that work’d…
    (D): I can’t believe that worked.
    Goblin 3: Wait a minute, I’m allergic to apples. You’re trying to kill me, you fruit-filled bastard!
    Fruit Pie: What? No, I— Gah!
    Goblin 1: Let’s try to catch up with those humans…
    <announcement text> Try delicious Sorcerer’s Fruit Pies!
    Fruit Pie: Growing… so cold… I regret… nothing…

    Last edited by TheWombatOfDoom; 2023-08-10 at 11:46 AM.
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  16. - Top - End - #46
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    The OotS Transcript - Strips 92 to 121
    Book 1: Dungeon Crawlin' Fools
    Previous Page | Index | Next Book

    Spoiler: Strip 92
    Show
    Reading is Fundamental
    Vaarsuvius, Haley, Belkar, Elan, Goblin Teen, Roy, Goblin 1, Goblin 2, Goblin 3, Goblin 4, Goblin 5, Goblin 6

    Vaarsuvius: Sir Greenhilt has fallen behind. The goblins are right on his heels.
    Haley: He needs to invest in a decent pair of running shoes if we are going to keep fleeing from things like this.
    Belkar: Pffft. Shoes are for suckers. All part of a big conspiracy on the part of the cobblers.
    Elan: The peach desserts? Wow, they always looked so innocent.
    Belkar: Crap! A dead end! We’re so screwed!
    Haley: Start searching for secret doors.
    Vaarsuvius: I do not sense a secret door.
    Haley: It’s a dungeon, V, there’s always a secret door.
    Goblin Teen: Pssst!! Hey, down here. It’s safe.
    Haley: Eek!
    Belkar: It’s a trap door!
    Haley: Told you so. Wait, we need to be careful. Who are you?
    Goblin Teen: I can tell you who we’re not. We’re not 50 angry goblin soldiers.
    Haley: Point taken. Everyone down the trap door.
    Vaarsuvius: I shall wait for Sir Greenhilt and Master Thundershield. I have an idea.
    Elan: Wheee!
    Roy: They are right behind us!
    Haley: In! In!
    Roy: V, stop writing on the wall and get out there!
    Vaarsuvius: Yes, yes, one moment…
    <sfx> click!
    Goblin 1: Aha! Now we’ve got you……trapped?
    Goblin 2: Dead end! Start searching for secret doors.
    Goblin 3: Why?
    Goblin 2: It’s a dungeon, there’s always a secret door.
    Goblin 1: Wait, is there something written on the wall over there?
    Goblin 4: Oh yeah.
    Goblin 5: What’s it say?
    Goblin 2: Hold on, it’s real tiny, I gotta get close.
    Goblin 6: I wanna see!
    <wall text> I prepared Explosive Runes this morning.
    Goblin 3: Huh. I wonder what that—
    <sfx> BOOM!

    Spoiler: Strip 93
    Show
    Teenage Wasteland
    Roy, Durkon, Haley, Goblin Teen 1, Goblin Teen 2, Girl Goblin Teen, Goblin Teen 3, Goblin Teen 4, Goblin Father, Goblin Mother, Elan, Ian Starshine

    Roy: Hey, thanks for saving us from the—goblins??
    Durkon: Thor’s beard! Yer goblins too! We been tricked!
    (D): Thor’s beard! You’re goblins too! We’ve been tricked!
    Goblin Teen 1: No, dude!
    Goblin Teen 2: Be cool, just chill.
    Goblin Teen 1: Those old guys are bogus.
    Goblin Teen 2: You know how goblins are “usually Neutral Evil”? We think that’s so lame.
    Roy: You’re Good aligned goblins?
    Goblin Teen 1: Hell yeah!
    Goblin Teen 2: Completely.
    Girl Goblin Teen: Listen, we can zip you past those other guys. This is, like, a hella secret tunnel.
    Goblin Teen 3: Seriously.
    Roy: Well, while I certainly appreciate the help, I can’t risk further endangering children.
    Haley: No, wait—don’t you see it, Roy? They are arbitrarily rejecting their traditional belief system and embracing everything their elders despise. They’re not children – They’re TEENAGERS!
    Goblin Teen 4: Sh’yeah.
    Roy: Wait, you’re saying that they are Good because—
    Haley: —because it cheeses off their parents, who are Evil. You got it.
    Goblin Teen 1: Dude, you have no idea how hard it sucks. My dad is, like, the priest of this big demon prince guy. So bogus.
    <flashback>
    Goblin Father: Listen to me, young man, you will drink the blood of the innocent and you will LIKE IT.
    Goblin Mother: And would it kill you to dress all in black once in a while?
    Goblin Teen 1: You don’t understand what I’m going through!
    <end flashback>
    Haley: <whispering> Roy, I think they’ll go out of their way to help us. It’s all a big cry for attention, but it can work in our favor.
    Roy: Hmmm. OK, guys, lead on.
    Elan: Wow, Haley, how come you understand the teenage mind so well?
    Haley: Ummmm…
    <flashback>
    <announcement text> Haley Starshine, Age 15 (a.k.a. Dark Mistress Shadowgale)
    Ian: No allowance until you clean up this room.
    Haley: Life is pain.
    <end flashback>
    Haley: …no reason.

    Spoiler: Strip 94
    Show
    The Path to Victory
    Goblin Teen 3, Roy, Durkon, Goblin Teen 1, Goblin Teen 2, Belkar, Kobold

    Goblin Teen 3: So, where are you headed? Back to the surface?
    Roy: Um, no, actually. We’re headed down, to Xykon’s secret lair.
    Goblin Teen 3: What?? You’re kidding. He’ll like totally kill you.
    Roy: Not if we kill him first.
    Durkon: Heh heh.
    Goblin Teen 1: The two of us can lead part of the way, but the path is through many dangerous areas.
    Goblin Teen 2: We’d first need to go that way, through the Hall of Mysterious Runes.
    Roy: Then lead on!
    Belkar: Hey, not to be nitpicky, but we just ran away from goblins. How are we actually expecting to defeat a powerful necromancer?
    Goblin Teen 1: Then through the Cavern of Very Easy Encounters…
    Roy: I’ve been thinking about that, ever since my dad said something similar last night.
    Belkar: Isn’t your dad dead?
    Roy: Yes.
    Kobold: Yeek!
    Goblin Teen 2: …to the Room With All the Spikes.
    Roy: Anyway, he really ragged on me about my sword not being able to hurt Xykon’s body.
    Goblin Teen 1: We’re coming up on the Chasm of Unnecessary Cliffs.
    Roy: But Xykon is not just a skeleton. He is also a creature of magic: a lich. There should be a way we can ruin the spells that bind his soul to his world.
    Durkon: Aye, ye could disrupt him.
    (D): Yes, you could disrupt him.
    Roy: Disrupt?
    Goblin Teen 2: Next, we’ll travel through the Tunnel with the Sort of Reddish Floor.
    Durkon: Aye, I could cast a Disruption spell on yer sword, lettin’ ye smite any undead ye touch it with.
    (D): Yes, I could cast a Disruption spell on your sword, letting you smite any undead you touch it with.
    Roy: Perfect. With that spell, my sword should be able to strike down Xykon once and for all.
    Goblin Teen 1: Soon, we will arrive at the Passageway of Horrible Death for Other People.
    Durkon: It only be lasting a few rounds, tho, so be ready.
    (D): It only lasts a few rounds, though, so be ready.
    Roy: I understand. When we get to Xykon’s lair, then, cast the spell on my sword.
    Durkon: Got it.
    Goblin Teen 2: And now we’re entering the Corridor of Very Toxic Sulfur Fumes.
    Durkon: cough
    Roy: Wow, the sheer novelty of having a plan in advance is making me giddy.
    Goblin Teen 2: Actually, that’s the aforementioned sulfur fumes.
    Goblin Teen 1: They cause brain damage.
    Belkar: Meh. Either way.

    Spoiler: Strip 95
    Show
    Dead Men Tell Tales
    Redcloak, Demon Roach 1, Demon Roach 2, Xykon, Dead Goblin, Demon Roach 3, Demon Roach 4

    Redcloak: <whispering> Closer… closer…
    <box text> Roach Motel, Free cable, Jacuzzi, Hourly rates
    Demon Roach 1: I dunno, seems pricey…
    Xykon: Redcloak!
    Redcloak: AAAAHHHH!
    Demon Roach 1: Aaahh!
    Demon Roach 2: Run!
    Xykon: What in the Nine Hells are you doing?
    Redcloak: Your Evilness’ secret weapon managed to attract more of the demon-roaches. I was trying to get rid of them.
    Xykon: Wow, what a waste of time.
    Redcloak: Yeah, pretty much.
    Xykon: No, seriously, that’s pathetic.
    Redcloak: I am well aware, sir.
    Xykon: Listen, drop that. I need some of your evil cleric mojo.
    Redcloak: Ah, of course, Master. What do you require?
    Xykon: I need you to Speak with Dead.
    Redcloak: …Um, OK, hello, sir, how are you today? This is lovely weather—
    Xykon: Not me, you moron! THIS guy.
    Redcloak: Gahh!
    Xykon: Yeah. I tried to send him through the Gate, and that big rune zapped him. Fifth one this week.
    Redcloak: That’s…I know that guy, sir.
    Xykon: Hmm? Oh. So sorry for your loss, can you cast the damn spell?
    Redcloak: Of course, sir. Speak with Dead!
    Xykon: Hey! Hey you! Dead goblin! Can you hear me?
    Dead Goblin: yesssssssss… you have wrest my ssspirit from itsss rightful resssst… you have questions?
    Xykon: I have only one question for you, and the success of the scheme depends on it. My question is this: Do you know where my keys are?
    Dead Goblin: Pocketttttt…
    Xykon: In my—oh! there they are. Huh. Thanks! The conjuring of his immortal soul saved me the inconvenience of digging out the spare set I keep in my desk.
    Redcloak: Sigh. I live to serve.
    Demon Roach 3: Hey babe, a motel!
    Demon Roach 4: What kind of girl do you think I am?

    Spoiler: Strip 96
    Show
    Gate? What Gate?
    Redcloak, Xykon, Monster in the Darkness

    Redcloak: Sir, if I may?
    Xykon: Oy, what is it now?
    Redcloak: I’m wondering if there might be some way to experiment with unsealing the gate with less…”zapping.”
    Monster in the Darkness: Gate? What gate?
    Redcloak: You’ve been sending goblins through the gate ever since we arrived here, and every one has been killed horribly.
    Monster in the Darkness: I’ve never heard of any gate.
    Xykon: Hey, you know as well as I do that The Plan ain’t going anywhere until we unseal that gate.
    Monster in the Darkness: I’m not familiar with any gates.
    Redcloak: But using the goblins as guinea pigs is wrecking havoc with goblin morale.
    Xykon: Hmm, well, I’ve got two words for goblin morale: Goblin zombies.
    Redcloak: Excellent point.
    Monster in the Darkness: If there was a gate of some sort, I should have—
    Xykon: Oh, for the love of—LOOK!
    Monster in the Darkness: Huh, I never noticed that before. But anyway, back to this gate I hear so much about

    Spoiler: Strip 97
    Show
    Evil Plans
    Monster in the Darkness, Redcloak, Xykon, Nale, Demon Roach

    Monster in the Darkness: It’s not my fault I can’t see anything in all this darkness…
    Redcloak: I’m sorry, sir, I can’t just let this issue go. If you keep sending goblins into—
    Xykon: Don’t get your panties in a twist, Redcloak. I already know how to unseal the gate. I don’t need any more experiments.
    Redcloak: What? How??
    Xykon: That worthless buffoon Nale told me how. Think about it.
    <cutaway>
    Xykon: <voiceover> We were watching him fail to kill the Order of the Stick, when he said:
    Nale: …I knew we needed someone of “pure heart” to use the Sigils…
    <cutback>
    Xykon: The same wizard who built the gate, Dorukan, made that stupid amulet Nale wanted.
    Redcloak: So it stands to reason that he would use the same sort of sigils to seal off the gate, too. Of course! But, if you’ve known all this time, why do you keep sending goblins to their death?
    Xykon: Because I’m BORED! The good guys are taking too long to get down here. But I have a plan in motion that will make it all good-in an evil sort of way. Soon, in one masterful stroke, the gate will be unsealed and the Order of the Stick will be crushed!
    Monster in the Darkness and Redcloak: BWA HA HA HA HA!
    Redcloak: Sir, aren’t you going to join us in a hearty evil villain laugh?
    Xykon: Umm, well, actually…Actually, ever since I became a lich, I haven’t been able to get quite the same volume on my evil laugh. Since I don’t technically have lungs.
    Redcloak: Oh, right.
    Demon Roach: cough.

    Spoiler: Strip 98
    Show
    Mmmmm… Tasty
    Goblin Teen 1, Haley, Roy, Elan, Belkar, Vaarsuvius, Durkon

    Goblin Teen 1: …And that was the Corridor That Takes Three Strips to Walk Through.
    Haley: I wonder why they call it that.
    <sfx> snag!
    Roy: Uh oh.
    <sfx> click! Sploosh!
    Elan: Man, I wish *I* had Trap Sense as a class ability.
    Roy: Show off. What is this stuff? Some kind of acid?
    Elan: Blech. It’s all sticky!
    Belkar: No way. I know acid, I’ve been sprayed by acid several times before, and this, sir, is no acid.
    Roy: What is it then?
    Vaarsuvius: I could make an Alchemy skill check.
    Durkon: Don’tcha mean Craft (Alchemy)?
    (D): Don’t you mean Craft (Alchemy)?
    Vaarsuvius: Silence.
    Belkar: Wait— Halfling senses activated! Sensing vinegar…molasses…tomato paste…brown sugar!
    Vaarsuvius: Fascinating. This, then, poses an even more interesting question. Namely, what purpose is served by a trap that sprays only barbeque sauce?
    <sfx> sniff! sniff!

    Spoiler: Strip 99
    Show
    Grilled to Perfection
    Snake, Roy, Elan, Vaarsuvius, Durkon, Belkar, Goblin Teen 2

    <sfx> Hisssssssss!!
    Roy: Holy—
    Elan: Ahhh!
    Vaarsuvius: Aha! Now I understand.
    Durkon: Aye, we’ve been turn’d inta pub snacks!!
    (D): Yes, we’ve been turned into pub snacks!!
    Vaarsuvius: Not if I have anything to say on the matter. And, as a point of fact, I do. FIREBALL!
    <sfx> bonk!
    Belkar: Um, guys…
    <sfx> pierce! slash! bludgeon!
    Durkon: Ho ho! Now who’s tha pub snack!
    (D): Ho ho! Now who’s the pub snack!
    Goblin Teen 2: Mmmm… delicious!
    Elan: The fireball sears in the deep roasted flavor!
    Roy: Hmmm, not half bad… Hey Haley, can you search that pit—Damnit! Not again!
    Belkar: Not my fault! I couldn’t even act in the surprise round!

    Spoiler: Strip 100
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    Teenage Boys Are CR 1
    Haley, Goblin Teen 1, Evil Ivy League Professor

    Haley: Uhhhhh… my head… Hey, I thought you were Lawful Good.
    Goblin Teen 1: Meh. Turned out to be a phase I was going through. Besides, Xykon offered to write me a good recommendation for college if I betrayed one of you.
    <cutaway>
    Goblin Teen 1: <voiceover> Do you have any idea how hard it is to get into the Evil Ivy League?
    Evil Ivy League Professor: Hmmm, well, his grades are good, but he’s lacking in evil extracurriculars.
    <cutback>
    Haley: Wow, That’s really impressive.
    Goblin Teen 1: Really?
    Haley: Oh yeah. I can’t believe I never noticed this side of you before. Tell me more of your diabolical scheme, so that I can swoon at your manly evilness.
    Goblin Teen 1: Uh…OK! Well, Xykon needed one of you captured because he has this magical rune thing that needs to be touched by someone with a pure heart.
    Haley: You don’t say?
    Goblin Teen 1: Yeah, he’s got some big gate. That’s why I’m bringing you to see him.
    Haley: Wow, you really got me good.
    Goblin Teen 1: Yeah?
    Haley: I’m completely at your mercy.
    Goblin Teen 1: Yeah.
    Haley: You can do… anything… you want.
    Goblin Teen 1: Yeah.
    Haley: HEAD BUTT SNEAK ATTACK!
    <sfx> THUNK!
    Haley: Loser. And here I thought that there would be something special for the 100th episode.

    Spoiler: Strip 101
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    Man-to-Man Chat
    Goblin Teen 2, Roy, Belkar, Elan, Vaarsuvius, Durkon

    Goblin Teen 2: I think what we have here is just a simple misunderstanding.
    Roy: I don’t agree. Where’s Haley? Where’s that zit-faced little friend of yours?
    Goblin Teen 2: I don’t know! Honest!
    Roy: Don’t make me hurt you!
    Goblin Teen 2: All I know is that it seems my parents were right about you stinky humans.
    Belkar: Oh, tell me about it. I’ve been trying to drop hints for a while now. Phew!
    Elan: Roy, I don’t think these methods are getting us anywhere. Let me talk to him, alone. I’ll persuade him.
    Roy: Well, you do have the highest Charisma modifier. OK, give it a shot.
    Elan: Hi there. I wanted to bring you aside and talk to you, one on one. See, Haley is pretty special to us, and losing her seems to have made a few of us a bit crazy. Now, Roy might threaten to throw you off a cliff, and Belkar might threaten to cut out your kidneys…(Actually, he might do that even if you cooperate.) But me. I have a different method of persuasion. Tell us what we need to know, OR—
    Goblin Teen 2: Do your worst!
    Elan: I’ll cry.
    Goblin Teen 2: …What?
    Elan: You heard me. I’ll start bawling like a toddler who dropped their ice cream on the sidewalk. In front of your friends, your teachers, any girls you like. And I’ll tell them it’s because YOU won’t be my friend.
    Goblin Teen 2: You wouldn’t.
    Elan: I think I’m misting up already. Okay, so, he wasn’t in on Zit Boy’s plan, but he thinks he would have brought Haley right to Xykon. And he has provided me with detailed directions straight there, too.
    Roy: Wow, I’m impressed. You must have been really scary. Well, we’ve been looking for Xykon for all this time, but now, Haley’s life depends on it. To Xykon!
    Elan, Vaarsuvius, and Durkon: To Xykon!
    Belkar: You guys go ahead, I’m just going to harvest his kidneys and I’ll catch up.
    Roy: Belkar!
    Belkar: Ugh, you dorks are completely cramping my style.

    Spoiler: Strip 102
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    Lowbrow is the Best Brow
    Roy, Elan, Belkar

    Roy: Zombies! We must be getting close! Save your Turn Undead uses for Xykon’s lair, Durkon, I’ll handle these wimps! Great Cleave! Great Cleave! Great Cleave!
    Elan: Hee hee!
    Belkar: snicker…
    Roy: Great Cleave…? I hear you two snickering back there. What’s so funny?
    Elan: No, nothing, Roy, nothing. It’s just we had no idea you had such great cleavage.
    Belkar: BA HA HA HA!
    Elan and Belkar: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Cleavage! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA *snort* HA HA HA HAHA HA HA!
    Elan: Heh heh heh…
    Belkar: Hee…
    Elan: Roy has boobies!
    Belkar: BA HA HA HA!

    Spoiler: Strip 103
    Show
    Practice Makes Perfect
    Redcloak, Xykon, Monster in the Darkness

    Redcloak: Okay, I want zombies to the left, goblins to the right, and miscellaneous monsters up the middle.
    Monster in the Darkness: Wow, everyone is so busy all of a sudden.
    Xykon: The good guys are almost here. There’s a lot of last minute preparations. Which reminds me, we need to practice your big reveal.
    Monster in the Darkness: Really?? I’ll finally get to step out of the darkness?
    Xykon: Of course! When it’s dramatically appropriate. I’ll cue you and you will crush the Order of the Stick.
    Monster in the Darkness: Sweet!
    Xykon: OK, here’s how I want to do it. Pretend they’re over here, and you hide back over to the side. I’ll start by saying something over-the-top, some real cliché villain stuff. Then I’ll gesture to you, and you leap out and say something terrifying.
    Monster in the Darkness: Terrifying?
    Xykon: Yeah, y’know, to strike fear into their hearts before you attack.
    Monster in the Darkness: Oh. OK, I can do that.
    Xykon: Good, let’s try it. You foolish mortals can never defeat the might of Xykon, not when I have the power of THIS on my side!
    Monster in the Darkness: Order of the Stick! Your corpses will taste delicious lightly seasoned with nutmeg!
    Xykon: That’s…that’s what you’re going with?
    Monster in the Darkness: What?
    Xykon: As your big line? As your first impression?
    Monster in the Darkness: It’s not scary enough?
    Xykon: It’s a little less scary, and a little more…domestic.
    Monster in the Darkness: Oh. Well, I had another idea, too.
    Xykon: Alright, well it’s got to be better than your first choice. Ahem. “Not when I have the power of THIS on my side!”
    Monster in the Darkness: Order of the Stick! I will bathe in your blood with lavender bath gel and a good loofa!
    Xykon: You know what? My bad. You stick with the first one.
    Monster in the Darkness: Yeah? You really like that one?
    Xykon: No, I just lowered my expectations.
    Monster in the Darkness: Maybe I can change it to parsley? Is parsley scarier than nutmeg?

    Spoiler: Strip 104
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    Dramatic Pre-Battle Speech
    Roy, Xykon, Haley, Goblin 1, Belkar, Vaarsuvius, Durkon, Elan

    Roy: Hey, Belkar, could you wrap that up and listen here? This is it. According to Elan’s directions, Xykon’s throne room is on the other side of this door here. We have no idea to what lengths Xykon will go to utterly destroy us once we enter this room.
    <cutaway>
    Xykon: Remember, guys, we want one of these schmucks to open my gate for me, so let one or two of them live.
    <cutback>
    Roy: Or what fiendish plans his minions have in store for us.
    <cutaway>
    <banner text> Welcome Order of the Stick
    <cutback>
    Roy: What we do know for sure is that Haley is in mortal danger even as we speak.
    <cutaway>
    Haley: 436 gp that I don’t have to split with the party, 437 gp that I don’t have to split with the party, 438 gp…
    Goblin 1: The pain…
    <cutback>
    Roy: And we also know that we are going to kick that bony necromancer’s scrawny undead ass right now!
    Belkar: Hell yeah!
    Roy: Demihumans, start your castings.
    Vaarsuvius: Bull’s Strength.
    Durkon: Shield of Faith.
    Roy: And the most important buff yet?
    Durkon: Disruption!
    Roy: Everyone ready?
    Elan: Yup!
    Durkon: Aye, lad.
    (D): Yes, lad.
    Vaarsuvius: I am.
    Belkar: Kick ass.
    <sfx> CRASH!

    Spoiler: Strip 105
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    Hordes of Xykon
    Xykon, Vaarsuvius, Durkon, Elan, Roy, Belkar

    Xykon: Hey.
    Vaarsuvius: That…is considerably more resistance than I was expecting.
    Durkon: Ayup
    (D): Yup.
    Elan: So. Uh…run away?
    Roy: Nope. Charge.
    Belkar: *sniff* This is the happiest moment of my life.

    Spoiler: Strip 106
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    A Sure Bet
    Roy, Belkar, Elan, Goblin, Xykon, Redcloak

    Roy: V, start blasting. Durkon, start turning undead. Belkar, protect the casters.
    Belkar: Lame.
    Roy: I’m headed for Xykon.
    Elan: Hey, what about me?
    Roy: I’ll leave you up to your own initiative.
    Elan: Wow! You really trust me after all.
    Roy: That, or I don’t think there is any possibility you can positively influence this battle anyway.
    Goblin: Crap.
    <sfx> zzzap!
    Xykon: OK, time for a Bluff check. Gosh, minions, don’t let any of these big scary adventurers touch my poor little gate, located to my left and with significantly less guards than the rest of the room. Just a touch would destroy it. Wink, wink.
    Redcloak: Sir, I hardly think that is going to accomplish anything.
    Xykon: You’d be surprised.
    Redcloak: Sir, you actually said the words, “wink, wink.” I mean—
    Roy: Change of plans! Elan, why not try to touch the gate thing over there. Xykon seems to want to keep us away from it for some reason.
    Elan: Hooray! I’m useful!
    <sfx> clang!
    Zombie 1: brains.
    Zombie 2: brains.
    Xykon: See? Never bet against the gullibility of the good guys, Redcloak.
    Redcloak: I had no idea you had put so many skill ranks in Reverse Psychology.
    Monster in the Darkness: Wait, what gate?

    Spoiler: Strip 107
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    Defense is for Losers
    Belkar, Vaarsuvius, Goblin Cleric, Ghast

    Belkar: Arrgh! I can’t believe this. A room full of people I’m allowed to kill, and I have to stand here and protect the wizard and cleric.
    Vaarsuvius: Scorching Ray!
    Belkar: It’s all your fault. Stupid d4 Hit Dice.
    Vaarsuvius: I’m sorry?
    Belkar: You heard me, Ears.
    Vaarsuvius: Well, I’m terribly sorry I spent my extensive lifespan unlocking the means to unravel the universe and reshape it according to my will rather than, say, jogging. It has a tendency to leave one relatively fragile.
    Belkar: Exactly! If you had gotten more fresh air as a kid, I’d be out there kicking ass right now.
    Vaarsuvius: My deepest apologies. Now if you don’t mind, I am somewhat preoccupied telling the laws of physics to shut up and sit down.
    Belkar: Fine! I’ll just be over here and protect your sorry elven butt. Pointy-eared, purple-haired, ambiguously-gendered pain in my ass. Aww, sweet! Enemy spellcaster over there! I bet I could sneak over there, kill him, and be back before anyone even noticed. I got a riddle for you. What’s green and black, squeals like a pig, and has two pieces of steel where its lungs used to be? You.
    Goblin Cleric: Geeearggh!!
    Belkar: Piece of cake! But at least it was a little challenging. I mean, it’s no fun if there’s not at least SOME chance of failure. I mean, what kind of brain-dead moron could screw up protecting the spellcasters?
    <cutaway>
    Vaarsuvius: I don’t suppose you are ghouls? As an elf, I am immune to a ghoul’s paralyzing touch.
    Ghast: Sorry, Ghasts.
    Vaarsuvius: Drat.

    Spoiler: Strip 108
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    Help from Above
    Haley

    <sfx> clang! clash! clang! whiff! CLASH! CLANG! CLANG! THUNK!
    Haley: Tumble skill, don’t fail me now.

    Spoiler: Strip 109
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    Strip 109: Tensions Rise
    Elan, Xykon, Haley

    Elan: Tumble, tumble, tumble, tumble my way to the big scary gate! Wow, that was easier than I thought it would be. I guess those goblins are still confused by all the Attack of Opportunity rules. OK, well, let’s see what happens when I touch it. I hope doing so doesn’t arbitrarily complete the villain’s secret plan.
    Xykon: Almost there…C’mon! TOUCH IT!
    Monster in the Darkness: All the cool kids are doing it!
    Haley: DON’T! Don’t touch the gate!! That’s what Xykon wants!! It’s a trick! Don’t touch the gate!!!!
    Elan: OK! OK, I won’t touch it.
    Haley: Well, good.
    Elan: So, umm…
    Haley: Oh, right.
    Elan: …I brought your bow.
    Haley: Good! Good.
    Elan: So….wanna kill some goblins?
    Haley: Thought you’d never ask.

    Spoiler: Strip 110
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    Revenge is Best Served Really Cold
    Xykon, Roy, Monster in the Darkness

    Xykon: Damn it! Hey, you’re not going anywhere. If you can’t open my gate for me, you can suck on a Symbol of Pain instead.
    Roy: You shouldn’t be worrying about them, you bony piece of crap. Worry about me!
    Xykon: Yeah? And who the hell are you, Sword Boy?
    Roy: I am your worst nightmare! I am the personification of all your evil deeds come back to haunt you! My name is Roy Greenhilt!
    Xykon: I’m sorry?
    Roy: Greenhilt. That’s my last name.
    Xykon: No, I get it. It’s just…huh?
    Roy: My dad was Eugene Greenhilt.
    Xykon: Who?
    Roy: Eugene Greenhilt. Wizard. Dark skin, beard, wore green robes?
    Xykon: I got nothing.
    Roy: You killed his master in front of him??
    Xykon: Oh, please, do you have any idea how many people I’ve killed in front of their loved ones? Could you narrow it down?
    Roy: Grrrr. His master’s name was Fyron. He’s a wizard who lived in Cliffport. You needed some sort of magical doodad that he owned, so you killed him and his son in cold blood.
    Xykon: Hmmm…more specific.
    Monster in the Darkness: You killed more than one guy named Fyron in Cliffport?
    Xykon: Five, actually.
    Roy: Gah! It was forty years ago!
    Xykon: More specific.
    Roy: In the Spring?
    Xykon: More specific.
    Roy: On a Wednesday?
    Xykon: Oh! Right! Now I remember. Because it was Laundry Night, and I had trouble getting the blood out of my robes.
    Roy: Oh, that’s IT!

    Spoiler: Strip 111
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    Inukchuk!
    Durkon, Belkar

    Durkon: Odin’s good eye! This be yer fault, Belkar!
    (D): Odin’s good eye! This is your fault, Belkar!
    Goblin: Die, shorty!
    Belkar: Hey, I didn’t tell the elf to fail his Will save against ghast paralyzation. He did that on his own, with no consideration for how it would affect me.
    Durkon: Ye abandon’d yer post in battle! If we wer in tha dwarven army, ye’d be hang’d fer that crime!
    (D): You abandoned your post in battle! If we were in the dwarven army, you’d be hanged for that crime!
    Belkar: I suppose I’ll put that on my list of reasons I’m glad I’m not a dwarf, right after “unfashionable facial hair” and right before “miscellaneous odor offenses.” But don’t worry, there is going to be some serious stabbing going on in the next few moments.
    Durkon: We dinnae have time fer that. I was gonna save this for Xykon, but I think it be time to call out the big guns.
    (D): We don’t have time for that. I was going to save this for Xykon, but I think it is time to call out the big guns.
    Belkar: We have big guns?
    Durkon: THOR’S MIGHT!
    Belkar: Holy crap!
    Durkon: Now who’s the short one?
    <sfx> smash! splat! splat!
    Durkon: Hurry! We gots to help tha others!
    (D): Hurry! We have to help the others!
    <sfx> stab.

    Spoiler: Strip 112
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    Shatter
    Xykon, Roy, Goblin Teen 1, Redcloak

    Xykon: So, let me get this straight. Your father spent his entire life looking for me over a largely inconsequential killing? Magic Missile.
    Roy: Yes! You killed his master, and he swore an oath to destroy you!
    Xykon: And he was just too much of a loser to get the job done before croaking, so now you, Loser Jr., have taken up the task? Magic Missile.
    Roy: We’ll see who the loser is when I’m wearing your teeth as a necklace.
    Xykon: Y’know, I’ve destroyed entire towns, and most I get from the surviving families were a few snarky comments. You, sir, have a serious overreaction problem. Also, Magic Missile.
    Roy: Maybe, but there’s only one more goblin between you and me, so let’s have it out, one on one!
    Xykon: Well, a duel hardly seems worth my effort…
    Goblin Teen 1: Master Xykon! Master Xykon, up here! I bring dire warnings!
    Xykon: Who the hell is that?
    Redcloak: The goblin child you bribed to try to capture one of the adventurers, sir.
    Xykon: Oh, right. Well, fat chance he’ll get his college recommendation from me now. Get your green ass down here right now if you’ve got something to say, kid!
    <sfx> eeeeeeeeeSPLAT!
    Goblin Teen 1: Master…The human’s sword…I overheard them…planning. Enchanted…one hit will utterly destroy you!
    Xykon: Really? Hmmm. Nice trick. Good work, kid. If you survive the massive internal injuries you suffered in the fall, I might have a job for you.
    Goblin Teen 1: Thank you, master…
    Redcloak: I could cast a healing spell on him, sir.
    Xykon: Let’s not go crazy, here. So, I see my last guard is dead, Mr. Redblade—
    Roy: Greenhilt! GREEN! HILT!
    Xykon: —whatever. You want a duel, you’ve got it. You ready?
    Roy: I was born ready.
    Xykon: Great. Me first.
    <sfx> shatter!

    Spoiler: Strip 113
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    Memories, Like the Edges of My Sword
    Haley, Elan, Durkon, Redcloak, Belkar, Sara Greenhilt, Roy, Eugene

    Haley: Ow!
    Elan: Ow!
    Haley: Ow!
    Elan: Ow!
    Haley: Ow!
    Durkon: Turn Undead!
    Redcloak: Bolster Undead!
    Belkar: Stab Undead! This sucks! Zombies aren’t nearly as satisfying to eviscerate. They don’t even scream for mercy.
    Durkon: Aye, we be in the dire straits f’sure, lad.
    (D): Yes, we are in the dire straits for sure, lad.
    Belkar: And what the hell is Roy doing? He’s just standing there.
    <flashback>
    Sara Greenhilt: Don’t touch, honey. That’s your great-grandfather’s sword.
    <end flashback>
    <flashback>
    Sara Greenhilt: —and then your grandpa took the family’s ancestral sword and THWACK! He chopped off the dragon’s head.
    Roy: Yay! Thwack! Thwack!
    <end flashback>
    <flashback>
    Roy: Dad, I’m not GOING to the University! Don’t you see our family has a rich heritage of warriors? Our family was named after this sword, and I am taking it with me to Fighter College!
    Eugene: Bah! You’ll be back to cantrips within a week.
    <end flashback>

    Spoiler: Strip 114
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    Exciting Climax
    Roy, Xykon, Monster in the Darkness

    Roy: You broke my sword.
    Xykon: Yeah? That’s not all I’m breaking today, meatbag. Now if you excuse me, I’ve got some first-class villainy to perform. Time to stick a fork in you guys, you’re done.
    Monster in the Darkness: Oh boy!
    Xykon: You foolish mortals can never defeat the might of Xykon, not when I—
    Monster in the Darkness: Try to be scary, try to be scary, try to be scary…
    Roy: YOU BROKE MY SWORD!
    <sfx> thonk! boink! boink!
    Xykon: Oh, great. Congratulations, you have moderately inconvenienced me. Daddy would be so proud. Now where was I? Oh, right: “You foolish mortals can never—
    Roy: YOU! BROKE! MY!
    Monster in the Darkness: Wait, can I come out yet or what?
    Roy: SWORD!!
    Xykon: Crap. AAAARRRGH!!!
    <sfx> BBBBBBBZZZZZZZAAAAPP!

    Spoiler: Strip 115
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    Dust in the Wind
    Xykon, Belkar, Durkon, Elan, Haley, Vaarsuvius, Demon Roach, Goblin

    Xykon: Y’know, actually, this isn’t that bad.
    <sfx> BOOM!
    Belkar: Wait…is that it? Did we win?
    Durkon: Aye, me thinks so.
    (D): Yes, I think so.
    Belkar: Wow. Who knew all you had to do was break his sword and he’d go all Lor Ferrigno.
    Elan: Ow! Ow! Ow!
    Haley: Elan, the Symbol of Pain is gone now. You can stop saying “Ow!” over and over.
    Elan: But now I have skeleton dust in my eye!
    Haley: Oh, hold still, I’ll get it.
    Elan: OWW!
    Haley: Hold still!
    Durkon: Vaarsuvius, can ye move agin? Or are ye still paralyz’d?
    Vaarsuvius: Nunnh.
    Durkon: “No”? Was that’a “No, I’cn move agin,” or a “No, I’m still paralyz’d”? Are ye still thinking it over?
    (D): “No”? Was that a “No, I can move again,” or a “No, I’m still paralyzed”? Are you still thinking it over?
    Vaarsuvius: Nunnh.
    Durkon: Wait, was that a “No, I’m thinkin’ it ov’r,” or was it a “No, I’m still paralyzed,” or a “No, I’cn move agin”?
    (D): Wait, was that a “No, I’m thinking it over,” or was it a “No, I’m still paralyzed,” or a “No, I can move again”?
    Demon Roach: Bored now.
    Goblin: Xykon’s dead, so no one is paying us anymore. We surrender.
    <sfx> schlurk!
    Belkar: Run, my pretty little chunks of XP, run!! “Surrender.” Ha! How do they come up with this stuff?

    Spoiler: Strip 116
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    Finding Stuff
    King of All Roaches, Demon Roach 1, Demon Roach 2, Durkon, Roy, Haley

    King of All Roaches: I crown myself…King of All Roaches!
    Demon Roach 1: What is thy wish, Your Magesty?
    King of All Roaches: The king demands….cake! Ahh! My crown!
    Demon Roach 2: Sigh, his reign was brief, but eventful.
    Durkon: Congrat’lashuns, Roy, lad, ye finally fullfill’d yer pappy’s sworn oath.
    (D): Congratulations, Roy, lad, you finally fulfilled your father’s sworn oath.
    Roy: Yeah, thanks. Strange, though, it doesn’t feel quite right. I lost my family’s ancestral sword. Plus, my Dad hasn’t shown up to thank me yet.
    Durkon: Huh? Didn’t ye say yer pappy was dead?
    (D): Huh? Didn’t you say your father was dead?
    Roy: Yeah. Well, the zombies are dust, the goblins are dead, and Xykon is vanquished.
    Haley: Guess the only thing left to do is LOOT! Now, I’ve read all the treasure tables for an encounter of this level, we should have our hands full. OK, now, I want to see a standard grid pattern search. Belkar, focus on platinum, gold, and other large value coins. Elan, you look for gemstones and jewelry. I mean, art objects. Durkon, I guess you’re on magic item duty.
    Durkon: Sorry, lass, I’m all outta Detect Magic spells t’day.
    (D): Sorry, lass, I’m all out of Detect Magic spells today.
    Haley: Hmmm. OK, time to get creative. OK, one grunt for minor magic items, two grunts for major magic items, and three grunts for artifacts.

    Spoiler: Strip 117
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    Delayed Gratification
    Monster in the Darkness, Redcloak, Xykon, Demon Roach 1, Demon Roach 2

    Monster in the Darkness: That’s it! Introduction or no introduction, I’m going out there now!
    Redcloak: NO! You can’t go out there!
    Monster in the Darkness: Has your brain leaked out your pointy ears? Our team got its ass totally kicked!
    Redcloak: Exactly. Which is why you can’t leave the darkness around you yet.
    Monster in the Darkness: Whatchoottalkin’ ‘about, Redcloak?
    (MITD): What are you talking about, Redcloak?
    Xykon: Look you whiney crybaby, we’re not wasting the element of surprise to mollify your nyctophobia.
    Monster in the Darkness: What?? Who said that?
    Xykon: I did you sack of—
    Monster in the Darkness: Lord Xykon? You’re alive?
    Xykon: I haven’t been alive in 30 years, but I’m not dead yet.
    Monster in the Darkness: But how?
    Redcloak: My holy symbol is also Lord Xykon’s phylactery.
    Monster in the Darkness: His what?
    Redcloak: His phylactery.
    Monster in the Darkness: His what?
    Redcloak: His phylactery.
    Monster in the Darkness: His what?
    Redcloak: His—you know what? I’ll explain later. It’s his soul-hidey-place. Just listen to him for now.
    Xykon: Listen, kid, there’s no way I’m revealing you now.
    Monster in the Darkness: But I’m so tired of the darkness! Can’t I just kill them for you?
    Xykon: And waste your talents? Hey, this one got away from us, sure. But you don’t send your star relief pitcher in when you’re losing 12-0 in the 9th inning. You gotta suck it up and realize it’s the season that matters, and we’ve got plenty of games left to play here. There’s always another game tomorrow night (and other gates, too, for that matter) but ONLY if we get the hell out of here right now.
    Demon Roach 1: Nice speech.
    Demon Roach 2: I’d vote for him.
    Monster in the Darkness: Grrrr…fine.
    Xykon: Great! Now Redcloak, move those green feet of yours and get me to the secret escape tunnel.
    Redcloak: This way.
    Demon Roach 2: Yeah! Let’s bug out.
    Demon Roach 1: Heh…”bug”.
    Monster in the Darkness: Are you sure I can’t just eat one of the short ones? I’m so hungry!
    Xykon: Tell you what, we’ll stop at the first village we see and get you a Kid’s Meal.
    Monster in the Darkness: Ooooh! Will it have a toy surprise?
    Xykon: No, but it will have real kids.
    Demon Roach 2: Tasty!

    Spoiler: Strip 118
    Show
    They Should Childproof Those Things
    Elan, Roy, Vaarsuvius, Haley

    Elan: Good news, Roy! Haley and V found a magic sword for you to use.
    Roy: Thanks, Elan, but that’s not necessary. I’m going to collect the pieces of my grandfather’s sword and have it reforged.
    Elan: Wow, cool.
    Vaarsuvius: Take your infernal hands off of me! Damn it, I am a wizard, not a divining rod!
    Elan: That reminds me, V is awake.
    Roy: Gee thanks, I had no idea.
    Haley: I think we’ve got all the treasure gathered.
    Roy: Good, good. Well, gang, it looks like we’re out of here.
    Elan: Yup. Nothing left to do but activate the self-destruction rune and leave.
    Roy: The…the what?
    Elan: Y’know, the rune behind Xykon’s throne labeled “Castle Self-Destruct.” We just activate that and leave. Right?
    <rune label text> Castle Self-Destruct (Do Not Touch Ever.) (No, not even then.)
    Roy: Why would we want to destroy the castle?
    Haley: There’s got to be plenty of treasure left in other rooms.
    Vaarsuvius: And XP, let us not forget about XP.
    Elan: Right, right. But, just for the sake of argument, let’s say one of us—could be any of us, really—let’s say one of us DID find a big glowing self-destruct rune and had already activated it. That wouldn’t actually be a problem, would it? I mean, not really? Guys?

    Spoiler: Strip 119
    Show
    Hollywood,You’re your Heart Out
    Belkar, Haley, Roy, Elan

    Belkar: Oh, that’s it. We’re never going to find an exit in time. This place is going to blow up and we’re all going to die! Game Over, man. Game Over! Why are you all looking at me like that?
    <door text> EXIT. Use in case of imminent explosion.
    Belkar: Aw, goddamn it!
    Haley: Seriously, Belkar, put some ranks in Spot already.
    Roy: C’mon, everyone, move! Move! Move! Keep running! Get as far away as you can! Elan, what are you doing? Why aren’t you running?
    Elan: Roy, you may know strategies, and tactics, and basic math, and everyday common knowledge, but *I* know theatrics. And I know that you can’t jump to safety until the explosion is right behind you.
    Roy: You have GOT to be kidding me!
    Elan: Wait for it…
    Roy: I’m serious, we’ve got to leave NOW!
    Elan: Wait for it…
    Roy: Elan, I can’t—
    Elan: NOW!
    <sfx> BOOM!!
    Elan: Wow! Just like in a Vin Diesel movie!

    Spoiler: Strip 120
    Show
    The End of the Beginning
    Flumph 1, Flumph 2, Elan, Roy, Monster in the Darkness, Redcloak, Xykon, Nale, Thog, Sabine, Shojo, Miko, Haley, Durkon, Vaarsuvius, Belkar

    <sfx> CCCCRRACKKKAKKOOOOOOOOM!!!!
    Flumph 1: Well, I’m sure glad we got out of that dungeon in time.
    Flumph 2: I’ll say. It was getting way dangerous in there.
    <sfx> SPLAT! SPLAT!
    Elan: Woooo! That was awesome!
    Roy: Damn it, Elan, that was utterly reckless. You’re lucky no one got hurt!
    Flumph 1: So…much…pain…
    Elan: Geez, Roy, lighten up a little. For a guy who is on top of the world, you’re pretty grumpy.
    Roy: “On top of the world”? How do you figure that? I almost just got killed for the billionth time by your stupidity!
    Flumph 1: You’re stepping on my tentacle…
    Elan: OK, perhaps, but look at all you’ve accomplished in the last few weeks here. You finally completed your father’s oath and destroyed Xykon once and for all.
    <cutaway>
    Monster in the Darkness: Man, this tunnel goes on forEVER!
    Redcloak: Stop whining. We’ll be out of the mountains soon enough, and then we can go to the surface.
    Xykon: And then I can continue my master plan…as well as plot vengeance on this ‘Greensword’ guy. Whoever he is.
    <cutback>
    Elan: you helped me defeat my evil twin brother and his nasty gang of mean adventurers.
    <cutaway>
    Nale: What food today, you slack-jawed enforcer of an arbitrary civilization? Chicken? Fish?
    Thog: yuck. thog likes meatloaf surprise.
    Sabine: Surprise.
    <cutback>
    Elan: Heck, you even stopped whatever evil plan Xykon was up to when we found him, and we don’t even KNOW what that was!
    Shojo: My diviner tells me the Redmountain Gate has been destroyed. You know what must be done, young one.
    Miko: Yes, Master. My blades will be bathed in the blood of those responsible.
    <cutback>
    Roy: You know, you’re right, Elan.
    Elan: I am?
    Roy: Yeah. I’m going to enjoy this victory for as long as I can. To victory!
    Haley, Elan, Durkon and Vaarsuvius: To victory!
    Belkar: Uh…why are you guys standing still?
    Haley: It’s the end of a story arc. Gotta give them a good panel for the end of the trade paperback.
    Belkar: Oh, I get it. In that case…

    Spoiler: Strip 121
    Show
    The Return of Mail Call
    Haley, Belkar, Elan, d4, Thog, Human 1, d12, Human 2, Pirate with Wine, Pirate with Treasure, Massage Pirate

    Haley: Well, this seems like a good spot to stop and answer some more reader mail!
    Belkar: Because it was so popular the first time.
    Elan: It was?
    Belkar: No. No, it was not.
    Haley: So here's our first question, from Dave in Kanasas City, Missouri.
    <card text> Who uses a twelve-sided die? I don't think I've ever rolled a d12 in my life!
    Elan: The poor d12. So maligned, so misunderstood. Shunned by its more popular d6 and d20 brethren, even the d4 secretly laughs at the poor twelve-sider. The d3 gets more play, and it doesn't exist!
    d4: Loser!
    <cutaway>
    Elan: <voiceover> But the d12 does have one refuge: the barbarian! Whether for hit points or for greataxe damage, the d12 and the barbarian are best buddies.
    Thog: thog power attack for 1d12+567 damage! grrr!
    Human 1: I sure hope he rolls a 1 for damage.
    d12: Yeah! Kick his ass!
    <cutback>
    Haley: So yes, Dave, someone does use a d12, and you're better off not making them angry.
    Belkar: Luckily, none of them can read this comic, so allow me to just say: BARBARIANS SUCK!
    Elan: Next letter, from Amber in Canada:
    <card text> I love Haley! She's a rogue, but would you say she's more of a ninja-rogue, or more of a pirate-rogue?
    Haley: Ahhhhhhh, Ninja vs. Pirate, the age old debate.
    Belkar: And by "age old," she means "showed up on the Internet like two years ago, at most."
    Haley: But which lifestyle is more to my liking...Ninja...
    <cutaway>
    Human 2: Please! I will give you my unusually vast and particularly glittery fortune! Just spare my life.
    Haley: Honor demands that I must refuse. Prepare to die.
    <cutback>
    Haley: ...or pirate?
    <cutaway>
    Pirate with Wine: More wine, Pirate Queen?
    Pirate with Treasure: More treasure, Pirate Queen?
    Massage Pirate: Another sensual massage, Pirate Queen?
    <cutback>
    Haley: Pirate. Definitely pirate.
    Elan: Nice choice.
    Belkar: I wouldn't know, I can't even Spot the ninja panel.

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  17. - Top - End - #47
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Alright! First book is up! Feel free to cite me on mispellings, inaccuracies, formatting mistakes, or whatever.

    On that note, I'm going to start changing over all the speakers to bold text. I think its the best emphasis for the least amount of characters, and it got the most votes. This is a one time decision, because I'm not going to go back over all of the text a second time for changing it to something else or back to plaintext, so I'm going to officially close that discussion. From now on, please bold the speakers. I've also added it to the OP, in the example post.

    I posted the book, and it took 4 posts to get it all out, so afterwards, I reorganized them to have the same amount of posts per section. I took the amount of pages in the book (in this case, 120) and divided it by 4 to get 30 a page. I'm not sure it will work for all of the books, particularly when they get more text and page heavy, but for at least this book, I think it works nicely. Nice that they're all together like that too. Let me know how the format looks, and any modifications you might suggest.

    For <cutaway>, if you look at page 120, I've got a good example of what I think we should go with. To start one, <cutaway>, to end it, <cutback>. That'll be good for longer or shorter scene changes.

    As for the imagination, I think cutaway is not a good term for it. So that's still up for suggestions. Perhaps - <Roy's Imagination> or <imagined> or something.

    We'll go with <flashback> and <end flashback> for flashbacks.
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  18. - Top - End - #48
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Question about the Durkon translations, are we going to be translating every single dwarf person talking? "Kaboom" Redaxe, Durkon's mother, any other dwarves we meet in the entire arc taking place in the dwarven lands....

    Spoiler
    Show
    Durkon: Mama.. wha? Wha's tha?
    (D): Mama... what? What's that?
    Durkon's Mum: It's call'd tha sky, me li'l laddie. It's whar bless'd Thor lives. Yer granpappy brought me up ta see tha sky fer tha first time onna summer day like this.
    (DM): It's called the sky, my little laddie. It's where blessed Thor lives. Your grandpappy brought me up to see the sky for the first time on a summer day like this.
    Durkon: Wha's it fer?
    (D): What's it for?
    Durkon's Mum: Tha sky? It holds tha world down! If'n thar weren't no sky, tha ground'd just up an' float away!
    (DM): The sky? It holds the world down! If there weren't no sky, the ground would just up and float away!
    Durkon: An' wha're those fluffy things?
    (D): And what are those fluffy things?
    Durkon's Mum: Clouds. Whar Thor keeps 'is water when 'e's na usin' it.
    (DM): Clouds. Where Thor keeps his water when he's not using it.
    Durkon: An' tha really bright torch?
    (D): And the really bright torch?
    Durkon's Mum: 's call'd tha sun. Sunna drives it 'cross tha sky each day.
    (DM): It's called the sun. Sunna drives it across the sky each day.
    Durkon: Mama...it's all so...pretty.
    (D): Mama...it's all so...pretty.


    And so forth. It wouldn't be just completely unnecessary, it could turn into a real pain to transcribe and read.

    EDIT: Also, what qualifies as the accent? Aye, Pa, Granpappy, Mama, Och, Laddie could all either be regular conversation or Durkonisms that need to be translated.
    Last edited by oppyu; 2014-04-04 at 11:42 PM.

  19. - Top - End - #49
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Quote Originally Posted by oppyu View Post
    Question about the Durkon translations, are we going to be translating every single dwarf person talking? "Kaboom" Redaxe, Durkon's mother, any other dwarves we meet in the entire arc taking place in the dwarven lands....

    Spoiler
    Show
    Durkon: Mama.. wha? Wha's tha?
    (D): Mama... what? What's that?
    Durkon's Mum: It's call'd tha sky, me li'l laddie. It's whar bless'd Thor lives. Yer granpappy brought me up ta see tha sky fer tha first time onna summer day like this.
    (DM): It's called the sky, my little laddie. It's where blessed Thor lives. Your grandpappy brought me up to see the sky for the first time on a summer day like this.
    Durkon: Wha's it fer?
    (D): What's it for?
    Durkon's Mum: Tha sky? It holds tha world down! If'n thar weren't no sky, tha ground'd just up an' float away!
    (DM): The sky? It holds the world down! If there weren't no sky, the ground would just up and float away!
    Durkon: An' wha're those fluffy things?
    (D): And what are those fluffy things?
    Durkon's Mum: Clouds. Whar Thor keeps 'is water when 'e's na usin' it.
    (DM): Clouds. Where Thor keeps his water when he's not using it.
    Durkon: An' tha really bright torch?
    (D): And the really bright torch?
    Durkon's Mum: 's call'd tha sun. Sunna drives it 'cross tha sky each day.
    (DM): It's called the sun. Sunna drives it across the sky each day.
    Durkon: Mama...it's all so...pretty.
    (D): Mama...it's all so...pretty.


    And so forth. It wouldn't be just completely unnecessary, it could turn into a real pain to transcribe and read.

    EDIT: Also, what qualifies as the accent? Aye, Pa, Granpappy, Mama, Och, Laddie could all either be regular conversation or Durkonisms that need to be translated.
    In the transcription so far that I've proofed, I made granpappy = grandfather, pappy = father, and Aye = yes. The rest are just regular conversation. Even when I've gone through, I've found cases where there didn't need to be translation for Durkon's speech, because it wasn't abbreviated at all, so I took out the repetitive translation. I think the original reason for the translation, was so that the words were able to be looked up for people who aren't native to english. Can't really do that with abbreviations and things.

    Currently, inclusion of Durkon's speech pattern's translation is a topic being decided on. Is there anyone for it at this point?
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  20. - Top - End - #50
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Quote Originally Posted by TheWombatOfDoom View Post
    Currently, inclusion of Durkon's speech pattern's translation is a topic being decided on. Is there anyone for it at this point?
    To put in my $0.02: I think that they are somewhat redundant, as they are easy to interpret. However, it will probably be easier to find what Durkon is saying in a certain strip if it's been translated to normal English. Is there a way we could include but make it so that it's not in the way as much?


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  21. - Top - End - #51
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    From the point of view of reading, I think the translation is unnecessary. If they were jagger-like in thickness, maybe, but dwarvish accent is not hard to understand. Which is not to say I don't think you should do it, if you are willing to put in the effort - I can see an advantage at being able to search for a particular word in english, and hit the occasions when Durkon said it.

    As to where to place it, maybe as a sub-spoiler after the fact? I.e. transcribe literally, then add a spoiler with the translation? It will work well when you get to Haley's speech.

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  22. - Top - End - #52
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    It's easy to understand Durkon even without translation, but why not include it? The point of enabling searchability is a good one, and there might be other applications. HaleyÄs cryptos as well, and spoilers work good for people who like to figure it out on their own.

    If people later download and save the completed script and don't like something that is included, they can easily delete it. The other way round when things are not included in the scripts, it's much harder to retroactively put it inside.

  23. - Top - End - #53
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    I think including translations would be helpful for searching, as well as convenient for people who have some difficulty handling the variance from standard English (which might be why someone was looking for a transcript in the first place). Also, it's not really that much effort to include, it's generally close enough to the English that copy/paste/modify works for me (although to be far, I don't have to do large blocks like 305). And like Onyavar said, then end user removing/ignoring them after the fact is easy enough for them to do, if desired.
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  24. - Top - End - #54
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    I haven't anything against the inclusion for Durkon's translation, beside the fact that if we translate Dwarvish/Gibberish, we imo also should translate other stuff like Orcish. (Though yes, translating Thog is probably not that easy, and one of the funniest parts of Thog is his speech pattern, but honestly Durkon is way easier to understand most of the times than Thog.). So my only objection right now is that why only translate some dialect and not all.

    I don't like the spoiler idea:

    interleaved (currently in use) Spoiler tags
    want to read original text need to skip a few lines (the translation) read everything besides the spoiler
    want to read translation need to skip a few lines (the original text) jumping between regular text and spoiler box
    want to compare original/translation just reading everything jumping between regular text and spoiler box


    so yes, if you want to read the original text, it is a bit easier if the translation is spoilered and after the strip. But from having the books I know it isn't that great to constantly flip pages to understand Haley's Gibberish if I want (which is even less fun with the online version). And while going to a spoiler box below the strip isn't that far away than flipping the book to page 50 each time, it still not really a good reading experience. Skipping a row from time to time is just much easier.

    I don't think we should factor in the reason "it is easier to use for people who want to download the thing and make whatever else with it" should be a reason at all to do anything. Honestly I think the whole formatting is pretty much garbage to really do useful stuff with it anyway. I think to be really useful a format needs to be used that really only stores the information and not care about the layout (like XML), because it would easily allow to do fun stuff with automatic processing without much problem caused by formatting.




    To the posted book 1:

    It is missing strip #121. Yes, it is a bit awkward at the end of the book, and it would be thematically better at the start of book 2, but if we group strips by books, we should put each strip into the book where the strip was published. And #121 was published in DCF.

    First I noticed that only strip #1 uses the emphasized character names. (Though presumably you just haven't had the time to change this.)
    Strip #1 is also missing the notes sung by Elan (the "Elan: <singing> ♪ ♪" I have in my version).

    Strips #11, #12, #21, #46, #47, #84 and #93 don't have the strip name in the link, but in a separate line. Probably because of this I started to think that it wouldn't hurt to get rid of the "Strip XX:" before the title of the strips. [So Instead of saying "Strip 1: New Edition" we should only use "New Edition"] This is mostly because it is just redundant (the strip number is above it anyway, since it is in the spoiler box). If I'm at strip-numbers, I personally like "Strip #1" much more than using "Strip 1" [And should be rather easy to change by replacing "Strip " with "Strip #" if needed]

    Strips #80, #87 and #88 has a erroneous newline between title-link and the list of speaking characters.

    Strip #90 features "Goblin1" in the list of speaking characters, which should be "Goblin 1"

    Strips #82, #95, #97 and #115 feature "Roach" as characters, I think we should use "Demon Roach", like it is used in other transcripts in book 1.

    Strip #116: I'm not really sure if the Demon Roach donning the crown should be called "Crowned Demon Roach". I would either use "Demon Roach" or "King of All Roaches" (since this is the title the demon roach uses.)





    To the Transcript Index: While leading zeros certainly have their use, I really hate them here. I would also use a bit more formatting to highlight book transitions.

    I would make something like this (the later post boundaries are speculative, I don't know if they would work. The links are obviously bogus, they are just links to the four posts containing book 1.)

    Transcript Index


    Last edited by ChristianSt; 2014-04-06 at 06:59 AM.

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  25. - Top - End - #55
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    Default Re: The Transcription of the Stick

    Quote Originally Posted by Jaxzan Proditor View Post
    To put in my $0.02: I think that they are somewhat redundant, as they are easy to interpret. However, it will probably be easier to find what Durkon is saying in a certain strip if it's been translated to normal English. Is there a way we could include but make it so that it's not in the way as much?
    Perhaps white text? Not fond of how many characters that would add, but it seems like it could work, perhaps...

    Quote Originally Posted by Grey_Wolf_c View Post
    From the point of view of reading, I think the translation is unnecessary. If they were jagger-like in thickness, maybe, but dwarvish accent is not hard to understand. Which is not to say I don't think you should do it, if you are willing to put in the effort - I can see an advantage at being able to search for a particular word in english, and hit the occasions when Durkon said it.

    As to where to place it, maybe as a sub-spoiler after the fact? I.e. transcribe literally, then add a spoiler with the translation? It will work well when you get to Haley's speech.

    Grey Wolf
    The problem with nesting more spoilers is it doesn't seem to be worth it when there isn't clear deliniation of each piece of dialogue. If we did a per panel thing, I could see that working, but just listing all translations in one lump sum underneathe in a spoiler seems to be counter intuitive to having the translations at all. That said, I have the entirety of Durkon's dialogue translated save the pending transcriptions I'm waiting on. It seems to me at this point, getting rid of them would be more work than having them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Onyavar View Post
    It's easy to understand Durkon even without translation, but why not include it? The point of enabling searchability is a good one, and there might be other applications. HaleyÄs cryptos as well, and spoilers work good for people who like to figure it out on their own.

    If people later download and save the completed script and don't like something that is included, they can easily delete it. The other way round when things are not included in the scripts, it's much harder to retroactively put it inside.
    If people wanted to figure it out on their own, coming to the transcription is likely not the place to go. If you'd like I can mention this in the OP. I'm providing information for the comic, instead of catering whether someone wants something spoilered or not. Hence why names won't change before and after we discover who someone is, or some such.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jasdoif View Post
    I think including translations would be helpful for searching, as well as convenient for people who have some difficulty handling the variance from standard English (which might be why someone was looking for a transcript in the first place). Also, it's not really that much effort to include, it's generally close enough to the English that copy/paste/modify works for me (although to be far, I don't have to do large blocks like 305). And like Onyavar said, then end user removing/ignoring them after the fact is easy enough for them to do, if desired.
    Thanks for your input. So is that a "keep them as is" vote or a "change them into something else" vote?

    Quote Originally Posted by ChristianSt View Post
    I haven't anything against the inclusion for Durkon's translation, beside the fact that if we translate Dwarvish/Gibberish, we imo also should translate other stuff like Orcish. (Though yes, translating Thog is probably not that easy, and one of the funniest parts of Thog is his speech pattern, but honestly Durkon is way easier to understand most of the times than Thog.). So my only objection right now is that why only translate some dialect and not all.

    I don't like the spoiler idea:

    interleaved (currently in use) Spoiler tags
    want to read original text need to skip a few lines (the translation) read everything besides the spoiler
    want to read translation need to skip a few lines (the original text) jumping between regular text and spoiler box
    want to compare original/translation just reading everything jumping between regular text and spoiler box


    so yes, if you want to read the original text, it is a bit easier if the translation is spoilered and after the strip. But from having the books I know it isn't that great to constantly flip pages to understand Haley's Gibberish if I want (which is even less fun with the online version). And while going to a spoiler box below the strip isn't that far away than flipping the book to page 50 each time, it still not really a good reading experience. Skipping a row from time to time is just much easier.

    I don't think we should factor in the reason "it is easier to use for people who want to download the thing and make whatever else with it" should be a reason at all to do anything. Honestly I think the whole formatting is pretty much garbage to really do useful stuff with it anyway. I think to be really useful a format needs to be used that really only stores the information and not care about the layout (like XML), because it would easily allow to do fun stuff with automatic processing without much problem caused by formatting.
    I agree on spoilers being unneccessary, but I'm still not really keen personally on also translating Thog, or other Orcs, because that's mostly grammatical error, and not spelling. Still, if more people think this is the way to go with "orcish", I'll go along with it. What do other people think?

    Also, while I know you have your own ideas for how this project should be laid out (such as your mentioned XML format) I ask that you refrain from calling the format "garbage", even if it isn't useful for various outside things. There's kinder terminalogy that could be used, I'm sure.

    I'm accomplishing what I've designed this thread to accomplish, and that's where I'm at. If there's a way for it to be more useful for everyone, I'll explore it, just as I explored the XML formatting in the past with you. Even still, while it gives a nice data base to do it as you've discussed with me in the past, it leaves things in perlscript which isn't accessible or understandable to everyone (as evidenced by my attempts to work on it/download it/so on) and also takes the project off of the playground, which I'm not fond of. This is a case where you have your idea for a transcript, and I have mine, and they don't match. After failing to have some compromise on that before I started the thread, I've continued it my way, which you can use for your own devices or not. I'm sorry I couldn't figure it out, but that's just how the chips fell.

    Quote Originally Posted by ChristianSt View Post
    To the posted book 1:

    It is missing strip #121. Yes, it is a bit awkward at the end of the book, and it would be thematically better at the start of book 2, but if we group strips by books, we should put each strip into the book where the strip was published. And #121 was published in DCF.

    First I noticed that only strip #1 uses the emphasized character names. (Though presumably you just haven't had the time to change this.)
    Strip #1 is also missing the notes sung by Elan (the "Elan: <singing> ♪ ♪" I have in my version).

    Strips #11, #12, #21, #46, #47, #84 and #93 don't have the strip name in the link, but in a separate line. Probably because of this I started to think that it wouldn't hurt to get rid of the "Strip XX:" before the title of the strips. [So Instead of saying "Strip 1: New Edition" we should only use "New Edition"] This is mostly because it is just redundant (the strip number is above it anyway, since it is in the spoiler box). If I'm at strip-numbers, I personally like "Strip #1" much more than using "Strip 1" [And should be rather easy to change by replacing "Strip " with "Strip #" if needed]

    Strips #80, #87 and #88 has a erroneous newline between title-link and the list of speaking characters.

    Strip #90 features "Goblin1" in the list of speaking characters, which should be "Goblin 1"

    Strips #82, #95, #97 and #115 feature "Roach" as characters, I think we should use "Demon Roach", like it is used in other transcripts in book 1.

    Strip #116: I'm not really sure if the Demon Roach donning the crown should be called "Crowned Demon Roach". I would either use "Demon Roach" or "King of All Roaches" (since this is the title the demon roach uses.)
    Yeah, I don't own the physical book, so I didn't know that's where it ended. Thanks! I'd looked at the OOTS summary thread, but I wondered if it was a mistype.

    I got rid of that, as there isn't a speech bubble, so it took on an art effect, and is omitted based on this.

    The strip names I messed up on, thank you for pointing those out. After editing so many, I must have just passed over a few.

    As for Strip #1 or Strip 1, it was a character decision, and one I didn't feel # was really needed for. Still, if we get rid of the repetitive Strip # in the actual spoiler, I suppose that could work.

    I'll fix those extra enters. I think that was mostly copypasta at work.

    Good catch on Goblin1.

    Yeah, Demon Roaches is something I'll be fixing, but good call. As for King of All Roaches, I'll take that suggestion. I really wish the person who takes care of the appearance and naming thread were here to review the names. Anyone have an intimate knowledge of that thread?


    Quote Originally Posted by ChristianSt View Post
    To the Transcript Index: While leading zeros certainly have their use, I really hate them here. I would also use a bit more formatting to highlight book transitions.

    I would make something like this (the later post boundaries are speculative, I don't know if they would work. The links are obviously bogus, they are just links to the four posts containing book 1.)

    *snip*
    I'm looking at making a table for the index, I just haven't gotten around to it as of yet. I'll keep this in mind though. (I think some strips have so much dialogue, 30 per post won't be able to happen at some point, but this is a nice way to estimate it.)
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheWombatOfDoom View Post
    Hence why names won't change before and after we discover who someone is, or some such.
    Since the subject has come up....Do we have a recommended procedure for recurring unnamed characters? I've been assuming a "no knowledge past this strip" stance so far, so for example Samantha's father was called "Bandit Leader" when he first appeared because he did lead the bandits we'd seen thus far and we hadn't even heard of Samantha yet (and also because I forgot she was the leader when I did the transcribing <<; ), and then changed him to "Bandit Cohort" (due to Haley's comment) when we learn he's not the leader. Until he takes over in 169 and he's "Bandit Leader" again.

    ...I figure I better ask now, before I get to his appearence in 189 without bandits to lead/hort.

    Quote Originally Posted by TheWombatOfDoom View Post
    Thanks for your input. So is that a "keep them as is" vote or a "change them into something else" vote?
    Huh, I thought the only options were "keep them" or "remove them" when I made the post. Make it "keep them as is", then. Especially since we're bolding speaker names now; it'll be easy to either read the "(D)" line below "Durkon" or just skip to the next bolded speaker name, as desired.

    Quote Originally Posted by TheWombatOfDoom View Post
    I agree on spoilers being unneccessary, but I'm still not really keen personally on also translating Thog, or other Orcs, because that's mostly grammatical error, and not spelling. Still, if more people think this is the way to go with "orcish", I'll go along with it. What do other people think?
    I agree with you; since the spelling is accurate, there isn't much advantage to a "translation".
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    Whoa - I think we need to slow down a bit.

    I never did call this format garbage. I did say:
    Honestly I think the whole formatting is pretty much garbage to really do useful stuff with it anyway.
    I think to be really useful a format needs to be used that really only stores the information and not care about the layout (like XML), because it would easily allow to do fun stuff with automatic processing without much problem caused by formatting.
    In fact the only word I would change in the first sentence in hindsight is useful. I did try to explain what I meant with useful, but I should probably used a word like "fancy", "advanced" or something like that. Also In the second sentence I said that this isn't really a problem of this formatting, but of formats that value so highly about formatting in general.

    This format is fine for the intended use (in fact I have a hard time to invasion a format inside the given constraints that is really better). But it still is pretty much useless if you want to do more fancier stuff with it, without spending a whole lot of time by first needing to write a parser. (Sure, you need an XML parser to make fun stuff with XML, but since XML is common, basically you can just grab an available parser.) And I think it is nothing wrong to call it garbage when discussing things it can't do well. I would have no problem to openly say that XML would be pretty much garbage to directly post it in this thread as a transcript (though it is still readable, it has some awkward code which makes it not really nice to read as regular text).


    I only said how I would organize a transcript. You seemed interested and we talked about it a bit. (Honestly I think it wouldn't have changed that much if you would have gotten Perl to function properly.) Besides the whole Perl script was basically to make it the way you want it. I have not (and will not) transcribe a single strip in the format used for this thread. But it is fine way to present it, if your main (and basically only) goal is to make it accessible to read by other forumites. I would never have used XML for that use, too. But nevertheless I would use XML (or similar) to store the information and then do something (like my Perl script) to put it in a way that it is easy readable. Without needing to worry that the formatting screws up the information.

    I also did not mention it in this thread to try to bait people to use a different format for their transcripts (at least I have the feeling that you think I did so). I'm also not in any way angry at you that it didn't really work out that way. [Though after nearly two pages I think I have seen enough to say that my approach makes imo more sense, especially in the long run. Because with it you get consistent and easy to change formatting basically for free (the only serious problem with changing the format globally later with my setup would be that you need to edit all those posts. But that would be necessary anyway, only that with my setup you only need to copy/paste and not do any real work for each post.] I have only mentioned it because it is the way I did it, and maybe other people would be a bit interested in it. (Though since nobody said anything about it, it is presumably not something other people are really interested in - which is totally fine with me.)


    @Changing Names: I think each character should have an ongoing name that doesn't change. Because there is no really way to see (from a transcript level) that "Bandit Cohort" is the same character as "Bandit Leader". I can only say that I transcribed #722, which introduced Tarquin without naming him (other than "General"), yet I called him Tarquin from the start. Without using a consistent name, it could become impossible to tell whether a certain speaker is just a renamed old character or a new character. To solve this you would imo need comments like <General is now known as Tarquin>. Though maybe that is another topic that needs to be discussed.

    I'm not sure what exactly I would call him, but I probably would call him "Samantha's Dad".

    I'm not that familiar with the Number and Appearance Thread (and I'm not sure if it is a good authority on "who has which name"), but if I was in doubt I looked in the Number and Appearance Thread and the German Translation for guidance.


    @Dwarvish/Orcish/Gibberish: I totally understand why not to do Orcish but leave Dwarvish. It is just the thing that does the least amount of work.
    But to me it is just illogical to translate one "not correct English" into correct English, while leaving the other "not correct English" as it is.


    @121: The Strip Summary lists 121 as part of Book 1, too. All available information I found says that #121 is published in DCF (Wikipedia or the Shop description for DCF. Though the Shop description for NCftPB mentions it includes "#121 and #301 (inclusive)", so maybe that is where the problem comes from. But that is most likely because NCftPB starts with #121a). Your NCftPB listed in the Index still starts with 121, though.


    @Transcript Index Layout: If you plan on do something more fancy with the Transcript Index, I have no problems with it, but you should say it in the OP that this is not a version you want to keep. And while I really don't know whether a table would be the best way to present it, I can only say you can do some nice things with tables (in fact I'm hoping to soon start a thread about what options the new table code makes possible. I have drafting something up already, and I'm only waiting for a mod telling me where to post it.) Also you didn't really say something about the leading zeros thing I mentioned.


    @White text: I really, really hate this idea. First of all, even on a normal desktop it isn't much better than spoilers (because you either need to highlight the complete text or re-highlighting the correct line every few lines). But on some devices it is basically unreadable. I can only say that if someone uses white text I want to read on this forum, I quote the text to read the bbcode... [So if someone reads this: Stop using white text...]

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jasdoif View Post
    Since the subject has come up....Do we have a recommended procedure for recurring unnamed characters? I've been assuming a "no knowledge past this strip" stance so far, so for example Samantha's father was called "Bandit Leader" when he first appeared because he did lead the bandits we'd seen thus far and we hadn't even heard of Samantha yet (and also because I forgot she was the leader when I did the transcribing <<; ), and then changed him to "Bandit Cohort" (due to Haley's comment) when we learn he's not the leader. Until he takes over in 169 and he's "Bandit Leader" again.

    ...I figure I better ask now, before I get to his appearence in 189 without bandits to lead/hort.
    I would use Samantha's Father for him, since that position doesn't change, unlike his rank among the bandits.


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    Quote Originally Posted by ChristianSt View Post
    @Dwarvish/Orcish/Gibberish: I totally understand why not to do Orcish but leave Dwarvish. It is just the thing that does the least amount of work.
    But to me it is just illogical to translate one "not correct English" into correct English, while leaving the other "not correct English" as it is.
    I think the difference lies in what kind of correction is being done. For Dwarvish, each word is generally a slight variant of an English word, and the sentence structure is already correct; putting in the English word is sufficient for the translation.

    But to try that with Orcish...well.
    Spoiler: The Classic Thog
    Show
    Thog: not nale, not-nale. thog help nail not-nale, not nale. and thog knot not-nale while nale nail not-nale. nale, not not-nale, now nail not-nale by leaving not-nale, not nale, in jail.
    (T): Not Nale, Elan. Thog helped nail Elan, not Nale. And Thog knotted Elan while Nale nailed Elan. Nale, not Elan, now nails Elan by leaving Elan, not Nale, in jail.

    It still reads pretty clumsily, but I don't know how I could improve on that without altering words or removing parts of sentences entirely. And at that point, it'd stop being a "transcribing" and start being "rewriting". And a rewrite doesn't always do a good job of representing the character. For instance....

    Thog: not nale, not-nale. thog help nail not-nale, not nale. and thog knot not-nale while nale nail not-nale. nale, not not-nale, now nail not-nale by leaving not-nale, not nale, in jail.
    (T): Not Nale, Elan. Thog helped frame Elan. And Thog tied Elan while Nale framed him. And Nale is framing Elan by leaving Elan in jail.

    It gets the general point of what Thog was saying across, but doesn't convey Thog's character at all.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChristianSt View Post
    I never did call this format garbage. I did say:
    In fact the only word I would change in the first sentence in hindsight is useful. I did try to explain what I meant with useful, but I should probably used a word like "fancy", "advanced" or something like that. Also In the second sentence I said that this isn't really a problem of this formatting, but of formats that value so highly about formatting in general.

    This format is fine for the intended use (in fact I have a hard time to invasion a format inside the given constraints that is really better). But it still is pretty much useless if you want to do more fancier stuff with it, without spending a whole lot of time by first needing to write a parser. (Sure, you need an XML parser to make fun stuff with XML, but since XML is common, basically you can just grab an available parser.) And I think it is nothing wrong to call it garbage when discussing things it can't do well. I would have no problem to openly say that XML would be pretty much garbage to directly post it in this thread as a transcript (though it is still readable, it has some awkward code which makes it not really nice to read as regular text).


    I only said how I would organize a transcript. You seemed interested and we talked about it a bit. (Honestly I think it wouldn't have changed that much if you would have gotten Perl to function properly.) Besides the whole Perl script was basically to make it the way you want it. I have not (and will not) transcribe a single strip in the format used for this thread. But it is fine way to present it, if your main (and basically only) goal is to make it accessible to read by other forumites. I would never have used XML for that use, too. But nevertheless I would use XML (or similar) to store the information and then do something (like my Perl script) to put it in a way that it is easy readable. Without needing to worry that the formatting screws up the information.

    I also did not mention it in this thread to try to bait people to use a different format for their transcripts (at least I have the feeling that you think I did so). I'm also not in any way angry at you that it didn't really work out that way. [Though after nearly two pages I think I have seen enough to say that my approach makes imo more sense, especially in the long run. Because with it you get consistent and easy to change formatting basically for free (the only serious problem with changing the format globally later with my setup would be that you need to edit all those posts. But that would be necessary anyway, only that with my setup you only need to copy/paste and not do any real work for each post.] I have only mentioned it because it is the way I did it, and maybe other people would be a bit interested in it. (Though since nobody said anything about it, it is presumably not something other people are really interested in - which is totally fine with me.)
    Ah, the failures of text instead of spoken word. (and I was rushing)

    My response was not meant to come acrossed as hostile or offended. Instead, it was meant to ask that you not use the word garbage to describe the project for other things aside from the mission I've stated, because there's better language for it. Such as not useful for data analysis projects and such. Useless, garbage, and so on, are primarily negative terms, and I just wanted to ask to say things in a more nuetral way.

    I don't/didn't assume you're baiting the use of XML, I just wanted to fully justify to you why I didn't choose to go that route, since I hadn't really stated it to you at any point. I attempted to, but when it didn't work out, I decided to stay with the current method. Alas. It might have been a great tool had I started with it, but at this point, while it may be better for holding information and panel details and so on, redoing the format completely is...not my current goal. At this point, finishing the Transcription of the current comic would allow me to explore other options later (such as contributing to your format or whatnot).

    As always, I appreciate your contributions. You've got a great attention for detail, and that's a valuble trait to have.

    @Changing Names: I think each character should have an ongoing name that doesn't change. Because there is no really way to see (from a transcript level) that "Bandit Cohort" is the same character as "Bandit Leader". I can only say that I transcribed #722, which introduced Tarquin without naming him (other than "General"), yet I called him Tarquin from the start. Without using a consistent name, it could become impossible to tell whether a certain speaker is just a renamed old character or a new character. To solve this you would imo need comments like <General is now known as Tarquin>. Though maybe that is another topic that needs to be discussed.

    I'm not sure what exactly I would call him, but I probably would call him "Samantha's Dad".
    This. I don't want people's names to change. So Tarquin is always going to be Tarquin, even in strip 50, or when he's disguised as Thog. We can mention in the speaking character listing what might be different, such as that he's disguised as Thog or something. I don't want something like Tarquin Disguised as Thog: As the dialogue title. That's really unwieldy.

    Samantha's Dad or Father sounds good. Wonder what the Appearance Thread says...


    @Dwarvish/Orcish/Gibberish: I totally understand why not to do Orcish but leave Dwarvish. It is just the thing that does the least amount of work.
    But to me it is just illogical to translate one "not correct English" into correct English, while leaving the other "not correct English" as it is.
    I'll come back to this later. Jury is still out. I'll put you in the "If Dwarven then All" camp.


    @121: The Strip Summary lists 121 as part of Book 1, too. All available information I found says that #121 is published in DCF (Wikipedia or the Shop description for DCF. Though the Shop description for NCftPB mentions it includes "#121 and #301 (inclusive)", so maybe that is where the problem comes from. But that is most likely because NCftPB starts with #121a). Your NCftPB listed in the Index still starts with 121, though.
    I'll be adding that at some point soon. Been a tad busy.

    @Transcript Index Layout: If you plan on do something more fancy with the Transcript Index, I have no problems with it, but you should say it in the OP that this is not a version you want to keep. And while I really don't know whether a table would be the best way to present it, I can only say you can do some nice things with tables (in fact I'm hoping to soon start a thread about what options the new table code makes possible. I have drafting something up already, and I'm only waiting for a mod telling me where to post it.) Also you didn't really say something about the leading zeros thing I mentioned.
    I really am liking the new tables more and more, so I figured I'd give it a shot. We'll see what I come up with. (I'll take suggestions/help too, if anyone is keen on it. I do like your bulleted list, in anycase, Christian)


    @White text: I really, really hate this idea. First of all, even on a normal desktop it isn't much better than spoilers (because you either need to highlight the complete text or re-highlighting the correct line every few lines). But on some devices it is basically unreadable. I can only say that if someone uses white text I want to read on this forum, I quote the text to read the bbcode... [So if someone reads this: Stop using white text...]
    I was just exploring an option that came to mind. I only use white text sparingly, and mostly for puns. It doesn't seem like the best option in any case, and it seems the bolded title for the speaker helps the readability over all, so I think we hit two birds with one stone.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jasdoif View Post
    I think the difference lies in what kind of correction is being done. For Dwarvish, each word is generally a slight variant of an English word, and the sentence structure is already correct; putting in the English word is sufficient for the translation.

    But to try that with Orcish...well.
    Spoiler: The Classic Thog
    Show
    Thog: not nale, not-nale. thog help nail not-nale, not nale. and thog knot not-nale while nale nail not-nale. nale, not not-nale, now nail not-nale by leaving not-nale, not nale, in jail.
    (T): Not Nale, Elan. Thog helped nail Elan, not Nale. And Thog knotted Elan while Nale nailed Elan. Nale, not Elan, now nails Elan by leaving Elan, not Nale, in jail.

    It still reads pretty clumsily, but I don't know how I could improve on that without altering words or removing parts of sentences entirely. And at that point, it'd stop being a "transcribing" and start being "rewriting". And a rewrite doesn't always do a good job of representing the character. For instance....

    Thog: not nale, not-nale. thog help nail not-nale, not nale. and thog knot not-nale while nale nail not-nale. nale, not not-nale, now nail not-nale by leaving not-nale, not nale, in jail.
    (T): Not Nale, Elan. Thog helped frame Elan. And Thog tied Elan while Nale framed him. And Nale is framing Elan by leaving Elan in jail.

    It gets the general point of what Thog was saying across, but doesn't convey Thog's character at all.
    Yeah, this problem is opening a can of worms that would be hard to close up again. It seems messier to translate it or not. I think the stipulation would be, direct translations only. So and Ogre saying: a hunderd gowl = A hundred gold. But an Orc saying: thog helped nail Elan, not Nale, doesn't seem to need any translation. He speaks in 3rd person, sure, and sometimes in the wrong tense...

    I see the argument going both ways, I just don't see a great way of doing Orcish, so I lean toward no.
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