The Transcription of the Stick

[unbeliever536]

Since I was looking at the first few pages...

[list][*]What names should we give the reoccuring characters - Goblin Teen 1 and Goblin Teen 2, who first appear in Strip 93?

Descriptive names are probably the way to go here. We can actually drop "teen" if needed to save on characters (vs including it and the change, that is). Something like:

Goblin Teen 1 -> Acne Goblin (teen?)
Goblin Teen 2 -> Glasses Goblin (teen)
Goblin Teen 3 -> Sports Jacket Goblin (teen)
Goblin Teen 4 -> Sneakers Goblin (teen)

[TheWombatOfDoom]

How we doing so far on transcriptions of the new pages?

[knag]

#813
>Roy: For the halfing too? Amnesty, in writing?
missing the second l in halfling.

[knag]

I've been adding transcriptions to the oots.wikia.com wiki. The format and editorial decisions (such as including translations of Durkon's speech) are different, so I've gone through many of them. In the process I've encountered many transcription errors. I haven't, nor will I go through them all, but these are the errors I came across:
#813: Halfling
#818: Malack: Hrrrm. Should you defeat him, save his skill skull.
Tarquin: That mother of yours.?
#819: Hhalfling
#820: MalackNale: I know about something big
#822: Then do we have Thog, too?
#825: Osmium’s atomic number is 76.
#828: Tsukiko: Oh, hey. You don’t mind...
#829: sSee, if the ritual
#830: PlanaPlanar Ally, or Summon
Xykon: Tsukiko: Tell Xykon!
Redcloak: I have let you have your way,
#831: with your #2 here.. just going to lose
#832: Demon Roach 1: No.
#836: yYeah, it’s not bad.
He’s totally helpful.!
#837: we’ll just hashave to pick one and explore it.
we’re takingfinding a shortcut
cControl Winds
help us find Girard’s at all
#839: I must be part Hhalfling
#840: Search skill maxxed…
you would be choosing
he’s not choosing
#842: Nale: Elan: Was it Nale?
#843: propoagating itself myby batingmating
Each of those fgrieving parents
blood fo of the dragon
#844 Kraagor and FGirard
what alignment the caster is
Girard was worried about
Lawgful types
#845: searching that stufdy room
#846 assume at this point
dry crumbledy assbone
#847: Vitriolic sphere
#848: whoever that is riding it.!
I do knwow that without a wizard
shielding him from acid
#849: Control Winds scroll you cast still active?
armor’s enchantments…
#850: Nuts.
Tarquin: Steady…
#852: Why would he pretend—?
#854: put my family below yours!!
#857: As your friend
#863: A wonderful challenge after all.
#879: once again engage as peers once again
#880: I have the bite marks to prove it
saved my life
#883: I doubt he poses much threadt
#884: Belkar: Blackwing:
#892: Be careful boys – I’m pretty sure
#894: Is this—what is—?
#908: <sfx> pop! in panel 5
<sfx> konk! in panel 7
#910: Then he’s around here somewhere (not in voiceover)
*huff!* *huff!* *huff!*
#916: back inthe pyramid
I was afraid you were going to say something like that
#934: Roy: Do you have any healing potions in it?

There are certainly plenty of transcriptions still missing from the wiki, and if I ever feel like filling them in I'll be using this thread, so if I come up with more corrections I'll post them here.

[knag]

How we doing so far on transcriptions of the new pages?

Transcriptions of the new strips that aren't yet part of this thread can be found at oots.wikia.com

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Transcriptions of the new strips that aren't yet part of this thread can be found at oots.wikia.com

Yes but they are transcribed a bit differently than what we are doing. I have someone slowly working through them at the moment and I'll get working on the changes you noticed! Thanks for the contributions, and if you would like to transcribe at all, please let me know! Glad this thread can be of some use to you!

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Put up a new group of transcriptions to claim, since we are past 1050! Also, I'm not sure how unbeliever is doing, so I may need to put a certain amount up for grabs if people are interested! How we doing folks?

[Jaxzan Proditor]

I, uh, got a few of them done but school has been distracting me so I haven't been making nearly the progress I would have liked to. I'm not at my computer right now, but when I am I'll say which ones I've gotten to.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Checking in to rejuvenate the thread. Jax, any transcriptions you got done at all?

[Jaxzan Proditor]

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, I didn't even see this. Unfortunately, I haven't made much more progress--I've got 1026-1031 done, and I can probably get the next few out, but it probably wouldn't be a bad idea if someone more hardworking than I took 1050 on.

Of course, if no one wants to I'll keep working, I'm just sorry that the speed of work is quite lacking.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Alright guys we are getting close to the 1100 mark on the strips, and we are getting further and further behind on updating the transcription. Before I start working on them, albeit slowly, does anyone have any wish to work on these? I'd certainly appreciate it!

I've been adding transcriptions to the oots.wikia.com wiki. The format and editorial decisions (such as including translations of Durkon's speech) are different, so I've gone through many of them. In the process I've encountered many transcription errors. I haven't, nor will I go through them all, but these are the errors I came across:

There are certainly plenty of transcriptions still missing from the wiki, and if I ever feel like filling them in I'll be using this thread, so if I come up with more corrections I'll post them here.

Thanks for the corrections! I've made all of them, and it just goes to show guys! Run your stuff through spell check! Ultimately the ones of biggest concern are the missed lines and switched names, but spelling corrections are great catches too. Thank you again, and I'm glad this project is of use to you for your Transcription in the Wiki! You may be interested in my Spell Compendium and Annotation project as well, in that case...

[martianmister]

I can help with it.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

EDIT: Also, updated all the "High Priest of Hel" over to "Vampire Durkon" in the transcription. Sorry that took so long. I even included times where Durkon was a Thrall, since we no longer need to delineate the personality change.

I can help with it.

Oh that would be excellent! What grouping would you like to work on?

[martianmister]

Oh that would be excellent! What grouping would you like to work on?

Doesn't matter, you choose one.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Doesn't matter, you choose one.

I just had submitted a grouping up to 1032. Want to start with 1033 - 1050? Keep in mind the formatting in the first post! I always proof-read but I also miss things. Thanks for the help, and I'll mark you on the first post!

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Updated to 1032!

[martianmister]

How would you write Lancer's "EEEEEEEE" in 1033 and 1034?

[goto124]

Sonic reptilian unicorn attack?

[TheWombatOfDoom]

How would you write Lancer's "EEEEEEEE" in 1033 and 1034?

That would be...

1033
<sfx> EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

&

1034
<sfx> EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[martianmister]

I think I 've got it
...

[TheWombatOfDoom]

I think I 've got it

Awesome, I'll start combing through! Would you be able to remove them from the post once I give you the word. I usually just have people PM me, but this is fine. I just want to avoid people getting confused by a random grouping somewhere is all. Thank you for the hard work! Well done!

[martianmister]

I corrected some little mistakes.

...

[TheWombatOfDoom]

I corrected some little mistakes.

I...just went through the whole text and corrected some stuff. Could you tell me what you corrected? I've already started putting it into the Transcription.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

The OotS Transcript - Strips 1043 to 1067
Book 6: Utterly Dwarfed
Previous Page | Index | Next Page

Spoiler: Strip 1043

Show

He Assumed It Was a Cholesterol Thing
Andy, Belkar

<sfx> TCHNK! KRRNCH!
Andy: What are you doing?!?
<sfx> KNKTT! CRRRRT!
Belkar: I'm chopping up your ship, obviously. Why do people always ask me that?
Andy: Well stop it! Do you have any idea how hard we worked to fix every last crack?
Belkar: No, I don't, because I don't care about you or your problems. Who are you, again?
<sfx> ZHNTCHA! ZHNTCHA!
Andy: I'm the head engineer here. This ship is my baby, and I'm not going to let some nobody little twerp hurt it!
<sfx> SWIPE!
Belkar: Hey!! What the hell-? It's not even your boat! It belongs to, what's her name? The chick with the bandana.
Andy: No. It belongs to Julio. This here is just a temporary arrangement, where she's watching the rest of the crew for him while he's away. I guess he figured it would be good for her to get some experience or something, since she's just a kid. But if he were actually retiring for real, I'd have more of a claim to this ship than she would. I've been fixing it for fifteen years, you know.
Belkar: OK, I didn't suddenly start caring about you in the last three panels. All I need is a piece of wood.
Andy: Why, do you want to build a stepladder?
Belkar: Hilarious and original. Sure you're not head comedian here, too? If we're going to be chasing down Count Chock-Full-O-Nuts and his Creepy Crew, I need to be in total vampire hunter mode. But holy water burns if I spill it and too much garlic messes with my sophisticated halfling palate, so I'm trying to get my hands on a few stakes I can drive through their hearts.
Andy: Sounds good to me. I couldn't believe we let a vampire onboard in the first place. C'mon, I've got spare lumber in the hold that I use for patching. Take whatever you need.
Belkar: See, now that's a reasonable response. The first time I tried making stakes around here, it didn't work out so hot.
<flashback>
Belkar: No, you're a homophone!!
<end flashback>

Spoiler: Strip 1044

Show

Mountain Passes
Bandana, Carol, Elan Haley

Bandana: Hmmm. I don't like how close we're getting to that big peak there. Tell Mateo to nudge us half a degree port.
Carol: Yes, Captain.
Haley: Hey B., how come we don't just fly over all the mountains? That'd be a lot easier, right?
Bandana: We can't. Not enough of 'em, anyhow. The Mechane's got a maximum altitude of 10,000 feet, which is already a smidge more than most other airships. But that's OK, 'cause all the best paths between the peaks have been charted. Take a look.
<map text> Dwarven Lands. Thane City. Gelid Glacier. North Pole. Firmament. Tunnelsburg. Nottinstory. Bartervault. Zenith Peak. Molehill Mnts. Summit Mnts
Bandana: Most trading ships fly through Fissure Gap to get to the major dwarf trading centers--but the town we're headed to is over here. So we'll be going through Passage Pass. Which is aces with me. Last thing I need is the crew to get a whiff of some slow-moving blimp hauling a hold full of dwarven platinum back to Cliffport. I'm gonna turn in. See you two in the morning.
Haley: Good night!
Elan: Well, I'm glad we can't go over the top. I think all the snow-covered mountains are real pretty up close.
Haley: It is kinda romantic, all alone on the front of the ship.
Elan: Do you want to get up on the bow and do the "king of the world" thing?
Haley: Nah. Doesn't seem fair, since our whole mission is about stopping people from becoming king of the world. How 'bout you just kiss me instead?
Elan: You were thinking about the blimps full of platinum, weren't you?
Haley: Imagining getting it on atop a mountain of coins still technically counts as thinking about you.

Spoiler: Strip 1045

Show

Studying Up
Eugene, Roy

<book text> Unlocking your Weapon's advanced potential...mastering the process of unleashing its basic powers. To start, focus your mind and feel the emotions that you were experiencing when your Weapon first awoke. With practice, you should be able to invoke its core abilities, after which you can begin to use your Will to further shape the energy that flows within you and your Weapon with the goal of eventually calling forth tactically helpful magical effects.
Roy: OK, now this is progress. But what I really need is a ranged attack. Ranged attack, ranged attack, ranged attack- Ranged attack! Come on! Shoot! Zap! Burn! Green fire blast, go! By the power of Greenhilt! Hunh. Guess that would've been too easy. I should probably try a few of these exercises...
Eugene: You know, last time I interrupted you sitting alone in the dark trying to figure out how your sword works--your mother made me install a lock on the bathroom door the next day.

Spoiler: Strip 1046

Show

Literally Heartless
Eugene, Roy

Roy: Hey, Dad. Right on time to warn me that Xykon has left Azure City, I see.
Eugene: That's not my fault! Blame that stupid pigsticker you're playing with!
Roy: Excuse me?
Eugene: That sword is the link that lets me manifest-but I can only show up when you're alone or everyone around you is asleep or whatever.
<flashback>
Eugene: <voiceover> The first time everyone around you was out of it, so were you!
Eugene: We did not raise you to fail Will saves against phantasms, young man!
<end flashback>
Roy: Huh. I just assumed you were trying to be spooky and dramatic by only appearing at night...
Eugene: I was! Which is why I didn't know until now, either!
Roy: Sorry, then. I didn't know. Thanks for making the effort.
Eugene: Well, you're welcome, for all the good it did.
Roy: OK, you're here now, so I don't suppose you could give me any tips about activating my sword.
Eugene: Well, you could-
Roy: Without another crude joke.
Eugene: Oh, No, then.
Roy: It's a fairly powerful effect when it boosts me up. I get faster for a minute or so, and the green fire does a lot of extra damage.
Eugene: Bah! If you want to hurt someone with fire, just manipulate thermodynamic differentials with your fingers, like a normal person.
Roy: I'm a little unclear on how often I can summon it, though. It seems to be based on my state of mind, when I feel a kind of...righteous fury. No, not fury--assurance. Confidence. But I think there's some kind of hard daily limit, too.
Eugene: Ugh, that wishy-washy emotional magic is garbage! It's completely out of control! You never know what effect you'll get, how long it'll last, or how strong it'll be. Useless! If you ask me, we should all stay away from that touchy-feely claptrap and focus solely on what can be predicted with a high degree of statistical accuracy.
Roy: Gee, with that enlightened view, I can't imagine why your marriage had problems.
Eugene: Zip it. If anything, I had too much of that sentimental hogwash while I was alive. If I'd focused more on my magic, I might've polished off this Xykon thing myself. Let's be honest: Now that I'm dead, I can see that choosing to spend so much of my limited time on my family was a terrible decision, rationally speaking. What wizard worth his or her salt could look back and conclude that all that relationship stuff wasn't a huge waste of time that would've been better off devoted to more study?

Spoiler: Strip 1047

Show

Perhaps a Few Mini-Revolutions
Eugene, Roy

Eugene: Instead, I've got to rely on you and Julia to finish this for me.
Roy: I'm deeply sorry our existence is not as efficient a solution to your long-term problems as you might have hoped for.
Eugene: It's OK, I'm used to it.
Roy: I assume you're here to drop your two copper pieces on our current plan?
Eugene: Nah, why should I waste my ectoplasmic breath? I mean, the obvious solution is for you to turn back and do nothing, allowing the gods to destroy the world and, in the process, Xykon--thus allowing me to finally pass into the afterlife proper. But I'm sure you've got some bee in your bonnet about letting people die or something.
Roy: Um, yes. Yes, I do.
Eugene: See, I knew it. I don't know why that even matters, honestly.
Roy: It matters because I don't have the right to decide that like a billion people have gotten their fill of being alive!
Eugene: But that's the beauty of it! You won't be deciding, the gods will be!
Roy: I am deciding. If I have the knowledge and ability necessary to stop something bad from happening and I choose not to try, then I'm making a decision. And I'm not willing to live with that. Or, afterlife with that, I guess, since I'll be dead too. But even if I'm willing to consider your charming pro-omnicide hot take, there's the issue of the dwarves. They'll be condemned to an eternity of slavery under Hel's lash without our intervention.
Eugene: Hmmm. OK, that's actually a good point...Why the heck does the dwarven afterlife work like that, anyway?
Roy: I don't know. Mom didn't know, either, and the one time it came up with Durkon, he told me it was just the way things were.
Eugene: Seems like a pretty raw deal any way you cut it.
Roy: Yep.
Eugene: Although...if we could just figure out a way to contact them all, we could tell them what's going on and they could all run into a dragon.
Roy: What?
Eugene: You know: grab an axe, charge a dragon, die with honor before the vote.
Roy: All of them? The entire dwarven population??
Eugene: You don't think there are enough dragons?
Roy: Yes, Dad, you've successfully identified my key objection to your otherwise highly practical plan. Good job.
Eugene: Maybe they could split up and squeeze in a quick civil war before lunch tomorrow.

Spoiler: Strip 1048

Show

Parental Bindings
Eugene, Roy

Roy: How about we table that fascinating idea for now, since we can't do it anyway. Don't you have some sort of cryptic prophecy or scrying intel to relay instead?
Eugene: Nope. Everything up ahead is locked up tighter than a grig's sphincter. My scrying perch packs a punch but it can't see something a goddess doesn't want seen.
Roy: Uh, then...if you're not here to help with my sword and you're not here to talk about strategy - and you don't have any useful information to convey - then, why are you here, exactly?
Eugene: Do I need a reason to come for a visit?
Roy: At this point in our relationship? Yes. Especially since you just said you regretted having a family.
Eugene: Well, I'm bored! And you're the only one I can talk to! Look, I'm going absolutely cuckoo sitting on a cloud by myself all day! I'm the last oathspirit up there now, and none of the archons or angels will talk to me. You abduct one deva, and suddenly you're a Celestial leper! Even to the Celestial leopards!
Roy: I'm sorry to hear that, but it sounds a lot like a white fluffy cloud-bed that you made yourself and you'd just rather not lie in it.
Eugene: I'm dead, I shouldn't have to mess around with beds at all anymore!
Roy: Dad, listen to me. If I'm going to defeat Xykon, I first need to beat Durkon. In order to defeat Durkon, it would be helpful if I could practice accessing the magic in my sword. And in order to practice, I need you to leave me alone to, you know, practice.
Eugene: Pfft. Like you're going to be able to beat a high-level vampire cleric with a magic sword.
Roy: Well, if I fail, then the world blows up and Xykon is dead anyway, right?
Eugene: Oh, right! Good point.
Roy: OK, so, off you go.
<sfx> POOF!
Roy: Pawn these visits off on Julia! Pawn these visits off on Julia! Pawn these visits off on Julia!

Spoiler: Strip 1049

Show

An Uplifting Discussion
Elan, Roy

<sign text> Welcome to PASSAGE PASS
<sign text> CAUTION
<sign text> FALLING ROCKS
<sign text> FALLING ROCS
Elan: Look how high we are! Did you ever think we'd be zipping around in a magical airship when we started, Roy? Back then, I just kinda assumed we'd be in that first dungeon forever.
Roy: Can't say I did, but then, technically, we still aren't. This ship isn't really magical. I asked Andy all about it. The hull is enchanted to reinforce and lighten it--and they do conjure fresh helium from the Elemental Plane of Air--but the basic lift is provided by nonmagical physics.
Elan: How does that work? I just always assumed a wizard did it.
Roy: Nope! The balloons above are filled with a gas that has a lower density than air, so they rise.
Elan: How come the balloon doesn't float off into the sky, then?
Roy: The ship we're standing on has a mass that pulls it down.
Elan: Then why don't we crash?
Roy: The lift is balanced with the force of gravity acting on the ship.
Elan: I don't understand.
Roy: It's complex...I can't explain it in more detail than that right now.
Elan: Why not?
Roy: Because I just can't.
Elan: But why?
Roy: Because it involves a lot of speech balloons, and the splash panel already used up half the page!
Elan: Art triumphs over science! Hooray!!

Spoiler: Strip 1050

Show

Hard Pass
Bandana, Elan, Haley, Roy

Roy: OK, now that we have more room, I can explain that-
Haley: Hey Roy, there you are. Did Elan tell you yet?
Roy: Can you be more specific? Elan tells me many things, the majority of which I allow to pass through my brain unhindered.
Elan: Like a ghost! Or a phase spider! Or the ghost of a phase spider!
Roy: See? I've already forgotten that.
Haley: I got a Sending from Lien last night. She's at the North Pole with O-Chul--and she says that Xykon is there, but is delayed by Kraagor's Tomb somehow. She couldn't get more specific due to the word count thing.
Roy: That's great news! You should have come and told me right away.
Haley: Yeah, well, the message came at a very inconvenient time.
Elan: She called when Haley and I were in the middle of-
Haley: Mouth shut, Elan.
Elan: No, pretty much the exact opposite of that.
Haley: ELAN!
Roy: OK...OK, then...We have to assume Xykon will eventually overcome whatever is protecting the Gate...but any obstacle means more time to deal with Durkon. The faster we stop him, the-
<sfx> KRNNSH!
Haley: What the heck was that?!?
Roy: Are we under attack?
Elan: Uh...it looks like it was just a rock hitting the hull.
Roy: ...Oh. OK, then. Anyway, Captain Bandana told me we have more than enough fuel to go directly from Firmament to the Pole and back again.
Elan: And if we run out of gas for the balloon, we can get it from the mountains!
Roy: What? No, Elan, I just told you that the gas comes from another plane. It doesn't come from the ground.
Elan: Oh. But if the mountains aren't filled with the same stuff that makes the ship float......why are the rocks falling up?
<sfx> THNKTRCH! WOOOSH!
Bandana: All hands on deck!
Roy: Elan, we are under attack!!
Elan: Oh, sorry. In that case, can I take back my enthusiasm before for splash panels?

Spoiler: Strip 1051

Show

Path of Most Resistance
Bandana, Kwesi, Roy, Carol, Mateo, Vaarsuvius, Haley, Elan

Bandana: Get us moving, Kwesi! We need to be climbing faster than a Hasted squirrel!
Kwesi: We’re close to maximum altitude already!
Bandana: Then get even closer! Every inch counts!
Roy: Captain Bandana! I know you’re going to want to turn around to protect the ship, but we need—
Bandana: We need to fly straight up the middle. Already on it.
Roy: Uh, yeah. That. How did you—?
Bandana: I ain’t never even heard of no frost giants clogging up this pass, and now you can’t swung a dead tressym without hitting three? This ain’t no random encounter, this is a bona fide trap! Someone’s trying to stop you from saving the world.
Roy: Yes, exactly! And if they can lay a trap with a few hours notice, then—
<cutaway>
<sfx> THUNK! THUNK!
<cutback>
Bandana: —then they can gum up all the other passes before we can get to them, too—
Roy: —assuming we even have time to reroute. Unless…if the Mechane always arrives in the nick of time, maybe we can still—
Carol: I think Captain Scoundrel said that doesn’t work if you’re running away from a fight. You need, like, a good faith effort at heroism.
Bandana: Guess we’re all on the same page, then. How ‘bout you folks do what you can about the giants, we’ll punch through as fast as we can without hitting anything.
Roy: Sounds like a plan, Captain.
Bandana: Mateo, keep us steady! We’re too close on the starboard!
Mateo: I’m doing my best, Bandana, but it’s not a straight pass!
Roy: Haley, V: We’re going to play this like we did with Tarquin’s triceratops. You two fly ahead and swat down as many as many giants as you can.
Vaarsuvius: I understand.
Haley: I am really regretting picking the frost bow right about now.
Elan: Good thing giants aren’t immune to sharpened stick damage, too.
Haley: I guess. But out in the open like this, I won’t be able to Sneak Attack any of—
Vaarsuvius: Extended Greater Invisibility.
Haley: I AM POINTY DEATH INCARNATE.
Vaarsuvius: Yes, yes. Magic is very nice. Shall we?

Spoiler: Strip 1052

Show

Fired Giants
Vaarsuvius, Frost Giant, Haley, Blackwing

Vaarsuvius: Fireball.
<sfx> BOOM!
Frost Giant: Kill the wizard before it—
<sfx> THUNK! THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!
Frost Giant: Ulrk!
Haley: Can I just say that I love being high level? We used to run away from goblins! Regular goblins, not even evil high priest goblins! (We might still run from those, I’m not sure.)
Vaarsuvius: I recommend focusing our efforts on those frost giants that will be in closest proximity to the Mechane as it passes. It should be easy to project the vessel’s exact flight path by calculating—
<sfx> WHONK!
Blackwing: Ahh!
Haley: OW!!
Vaarsuvius: Strange. He never crashes into me when I am flying invisibly.
Haley: Probably because of the empathic link. Or because you keep talking the whole time.
Blackwing: Look, if you don’t want birds to crash into you, don’t turn into a high-elevation windowfolk.

Spoiler: Strip 1053

Show

Over the Edge
Mechane Crewman with Stubble, Mechane Crewman with Eyepatch and Pegleg, Belkar, Roy, Elan

Mechane Crewman with Eyepatch and Pegleg: Bring up the alchemist’s fire, captain’s orders!
Mechane Crewman with Stubble: Yeah, yeah.
Belkar: Hey, watch it! Isn’t there some sort of ladder right-of-way rule?
<sfx> CRUNCH!
Belkar: OK, what the hell? Are we having a combat encounter and nobody told me?
Roy: I just sort of assumed that the repeated collisions against the hull would eventually get you up on deck without anyone wasting time fetching you. Which they did, obviously.
Elan: Wait, did you just imply my time has value?? I can’t wait to tell Haley!
Belkar: Whoa! Check it out! It’s like someone scaled up a bunch of smurfs! Only with more chicks! I just figured that noise was more lightning. I didn’t know it was something I could kill.
Roy: It isn’t.
Elan: *gasp!* They’re immortal giants?!?
Roy: No.
Belkar: OK, I’m confused. Are you saying I’m not able to kill them, or I’m not allowed to kill them? Without it being a whole hassle.
Roy: They’re pretty clearly trying to crash our ship and kill us, so: Not Able. You’re up here and they’re down there.
Belkar: That seems more like a limitation of your imagination than anything else, Roy. No way I’m letting Starshine and the elf hog all that sweet leader-approved violence for themselves.
Roy: What are you—Belkar!
Belkar: Tell Ears to pick me up when we’re done.
Roy: That little idiot! We don’t have a full-time cleric heal all the falling damage he’s about to……not take. Huh. Is he flipping me off as he floats gently down to the ground?
Elan: Belkar, that’s the wrong kind of bird! That one can’t fly!!

Spoiler: Strip 1054

Show

A Kill By Any Other Name
Haley, Belkar, Blackwing

<sfx> SKLRT!
Haley: Belkar? What are you doing here?
Belkar: Aaaaah! Who said that?!?
Haley: Chill, it’s me. Haley. I’m invisible. Do you want me to hit you with my Fly wand? Just 225 gp per casting, plus a 50 gp service fee and a 6% administrative charge. I’d comp you, but I gotta keep my wealth-by-level constant, you know.
Belkar: I’ll manage, thanks.
Haley: Suit yourself. You’re on clean-up duty, then. Finish off the ones that V and I don’t kill, especially those that could take a shot at the ship’s back end as it passes.
Belkar: No, no, no, that’s lame. I’m not doing that.
Haley: OK, new plan: You’re the Doomsealer—seeking out those who defiantly cling to life after surviving lesser horrors and ruthlessly snuffing out their futures in a cruel mockery of their perseverance.
Belkar: Hell yeah! Let’s do this!
Blackwing: You know she just tricked you into doing the same job but with a more hardcore description, right?
Belkar: Did she? Or did I trick her into coming up with a hardcore description for a job I was down with anyway? BAM! DOOMSEALED!!

Spoiler: Strip 1055

Show

All Hands on Trend
Andi, Bandana, Kwesi, Carol, Felix

Andi: Bandana, we’ve got damage all over the ship! We need to turn around!
Bandana: Heck no! We’re almost halfway! There’s still a big bucket of giants back behind us that we just passed by. We’ll take as much heat goin’ back as we will goin’ forward, so we might as well push through to the end!
Andi: They might stop throwing rocks if we give up and retreat!
Bandana: Guess we’ll never know, since I don’t aim to give up.
Andi: This is insane! These giants are going to knock us out of the sky!!
Kwesi: Tell me about it.
Andi: We’ll be doomed if they think to target the engines!
Carol: How are there even this many giants in one place?
Kwesi: Yeah, what’d those adventurers do to piss them off?
Felix: And would it kill them to break up all that blue and gray with a few gold accents to pull their ensembles together? What? You think a splash of fuchsia would pop better?

Spoiler: Strip 1056

Show

Top Five, Certainly
Blackwing, Vaarsuvius, Haley, Frost Giant Cleric With Tattoo

Blackwing: Hey, V, why not call up one of those big pink hand to, like, swat the boulders down before they hit the ship.
Vaarsuvius: They do not “swat.”
Blackwing: OK, what about-Bat! BAT!!
Vaarsuvius: They also do not bat or smack or slap or whatever synonym you wish to-Oh.
Blackwing: Kill it! Kill it!!
Vaarsuvius: Magic Missile.
<sfx> CHOMP! POK! POK! POK! POK! POK!
Blackwing: No, I wasn’t talking to you, Evil Demon Bat!!
<sfx> THUNK! POOF!
Haley: V! Are you OK? Sorry, I wasn’t closer, I was-
Vaarsuvius: There is no time for that. Follow, quickly!!
Haley: We’re going as fast as we can without getting too far ahead of the ship. They need to go slowish to navigate the pass.
Vaarsuvius: Getting ahead of the ship is precisely what we must do!
Blackwing: Just around the next bend, I think.
Haley: V, what’s going on? Where did that bat come from?
Vaarsuvius: The pit of Tartarus, I presume. More to the point is how it got here. Based on the airspeed of daemonic chiropterans and the standard duration of the sort of incantations that typically summon them—I theorize that it must have been conjured nearby, which further implies the presence of-
Frost Giant Cleric With Tattoo: The littlings must not pass! Lord Thrym commands it!
Haley: Giant clerics!!
Vaarsuvius: -a spellcaster capable of casting the appropriate spell, actually, but given fresh empirical observations, then yes. Giant clerics.
Haley: We need to take them out before the Mechane passes by this ledge!
Vaarsuvius: Agreed. There are any number of clerical spells that, wisely deployed, could prove catastrophic.
Blackwing: And if they knew we were coming—they definitely prepared some!
Haley: Fireball ‘em, V!
Vaarsuvius: Defending against fire would almost certainly be their first choice of clerical wards for critical personnel such as-
Haley: Don’t explain, just cast something! I’m going in for a Sneak Attack! What-? My invisibly spell!
<sfx> WHAM!
Vaarsuvius: On the other hand, Invisibility Purge would also be a high probability pick. Apparently.

Spoiler: Strip 1057

Show

Suggestive Content
Andi, Bandana, Blackwing, Vaarsuvius, Frost Giant With Bow, Frost Giant Cleric With Helmet, Frost Giant Cleric With Tattoo, Female Frost Giant Cleric, Haley

Andi: We’re being abandoned!
Bandana: What is it now?
Andi: Your precious adventurers are leaving us behind!
<cutaway>
Andi: The elf just zoomed out of view, and your best friend Haley is nowhere to be seen. They were the only thing keeping us from getting crushed!
<sfx> THUNK! THUNK!
<cutback>
Bandana: Calm down, I’m sure they know what they’re doing.
Andi: What they’re doing is getting us all killed, so I hope you’re wrong!
<cutaway>
Blackwing: V, you need to dispel that Invisibility Purge so that Haley can-
Vaarsuvius: No, that would be an inefficient effort; the spell I cast on her is due to expire soon and I have not another. Instead, I will pursue a strategy with the potential for greater direct impact. Mass Suggestions! Attention, frost giants: There is no need for conflict. I suggest you let our vessel pass without taking hostile action against it or those aboard.
Frost Giant with Bow: That seems reasonable, actually.
Frost Giant Cleric With Helmet: Yeah, what do I care about one airship?
Female Frost Giant Cleric: I’ll be honest, I’ve always thought that sounded lovely.
Blackwing: That was amazing! You took three giants out of the fight with one spell!
Vaarsuvius: I admit, I did not expect such a high rate of success. But we must not underestimate the remaining cleric.
Haley: Ugh, my head…Hey V, great job on the—
<sfx> WHAM!
Vaarsuvius: …I now recognize a narrow but significant loophole in my Suggestion phrasing.
Blackwing: I’m continually amazed at how often we get screwed by you not being pedantic enough.

Spoiler: Strip 1058

Show

Ready, Set, Ready
Haley, Frost Giant Cleric With Tattoo, Vaarsuvius, Blackwing

Haley: V! I hear the propellers, let’s dish everything we’ve got on the old one!
Frost Giant Cleric With Tattoo: I will take your dish and serve it to you cold! Frostbite!
<sfx> WHOOSH!
Haley: Socoldsocoldsocoldsocold…
Vaarsuvius: …
Blackwing: Vaarsuvius, are you OK?
Haley: V, come on, shake it off and hit him with something!
Blackwing: Talk to me! Did that spell freeze you solid?
Vaarsuvius: No.
Blackwing: Are you doing the “I feel bad about things so I’m letting myself get killed” thing again?
Vaarsuvius: No. I am fine. I am simply not casting a spell right now.
Blackwing: Why not?!
Vaarsuvius: …
Haley: V. the ship is here! You have to do something!
Vaarsuvius: I am doing something. I am concentrating.
Blackwing: Maybe try concentrating on doing something?
Frost Giant Cleric With Tattoo: Too late! Watch as your fragile skyship is reduced to splinters! Blade Barrier!!
Vaarsuvius: Improved Counterspell. You see, our immeadiate objective is preventing-
Blackwing: Yup, OK, got it. He’s starting to cast again, so get ready to get ready!

Spoiler: Strip 1059

Show

The Fight Is Not Over
Frost Giant Cleric With Tattoo, Vaarsuvius, Haley, Female Frost Giant Cleric

Frost Giant Cleric With Tattoo: Ice Storm!!
Vaarsuvius: Improved Counterspell, again.
Frost Giant Cleric With Tattoo: Damn you, you wretched little gnats!
Haley: Hey, gnats don’t even sting! We’re at least, like, hornets or something. Come on, let’s go. The ship’s passed, our job here is done.
Vaarsuvius: I concur. Few potential clerical spells have sufficient range to threaten-
Frost Giant Cleric With Tattoo: Don’t let them escape!
Female Frost Giant Cleric: Yes, Elder. Dispel Magic!
Haley: Ooof! Whoa! Not this time, buddy! We need to get out of here!
Vaarsuvius: I did not prepare a second flying spell.
Haley: I can hit us both with my wand if I can get some room to use it safely.
Frost Giant Cleric With Tattoo: Spiritual Weapon
<sfx> SLASSH!
Haley: Which is, you know, a thing we can work on.
Vaarsuvius: I suppose, until such time, we will have to resign ourselves to knowing that we are occupying their spellcasters while our comrades reach safety. Prismatic Spray!
Frost Giant Cleric With Tattoo: Yes—nnnh! Of course, littlings…You are occupying our spellcasters.

Spoiler: Strip 1060

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Now Boarding
Elan, Roy, Carol, Frost Giantess, Andi, Bandana, Mateo, Frost Giant, Mechane Crewman With Stubble, Mechane Elf Crewman, Mechane Crewwoman With Ponytail

Elan: Hey, look, Roy! There’s Haley!
Roy: Yeah…and…we can see her. I hope everything is going OK…
Elan: Well, I see a bunch of their-size corpses and none of our-size corpses, so that’s good, right?
Roy: Do you see any travel-sized corpses? Belkar better not get himself killed before we even get to the final-
Carol: LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT ABOVE!!
<sfx> RRRRRRRIIIPPP! KRRNK!
Frost Giantess: ALL MUST DIE
Andi: Whoa!!
Bandana: Keep us steady!
Mateo: I was already trying to keep us steady before we got boarded!
<sfx> KEESH! KEESH!
Frost Giant: Nnnrrh!
Mechane Crewman With Stubble: Eat flaming death!
Mechane Elf Crewman: Yeah! Get off our boat!!
Mechane Crewwoman With Ponytail: Shoo!
<sfx> SSHKRTTK!
Andi: *gasp*
Mateo: Sweet Northern Gods…
<sfx> THNNRK!
Roy: Damn it! Everyone, stay back! Fly the ship, I’ll kill the giants!
Frost Giantess: You would face the two of us alone, little man?
Frost Giant: Grrrrrr!
Roy: I think you’ll find it’s two against two.
Elan: Sorry, Roy, I gotta run!!
Roy: What? Come on, Elan, I was trying to give you credit for mattering to the outcome of the fight!
Elan: Thanks, Roy—but I think I need to climb up and cast my Mending spell on the balloon before all the magic air leaks out!
<sfx> KHHHTANG!
Roy: Oh yeah—nnnh! Good thinking.
Elan: Remind me to squee later about you saying so!

Spoiler: Strip 1061

Show

Hangers On
Andi, Bandana, Elan, Frost Giant, Frost Giantess, Mateo, Roy

Frost Giantess: Your boat will crash and you will all die, tiny one!
Roy: You know, if this ship goes down, the two of you go down with it.
Frost Giant: Rrrr!
Frost Giantess: Ha! We are the strongest of our clan! We will survive with ease. What sort of warriors would we be if we could not even handle a little fall?
Roy: OK, now you're just getting unfairly personal.
Andi: We need to turn off the pass! There won't be giants waiting on every mountain if we go where they aren't expecting us to!
Bandana: We can't do that. We'd have to eyeball our path the whole way, and there's no promise we could get through at all. We might end up in a dead end, hemmed in by mountains we can't fly over.
Andi: We have to try something, Bandana! They're killing us!!
Bandana: Let's pick up speed to two-thirds full. It's a risk, but less of one. Can you handle it?
Mateo: I can handle anything that gets us the hell out of here.
<cutaway>
Elan: <singing> Prove, prove, prove, prove my 7th grade gym teacher wrong!
Mateo: Increasing to two-thirds full, Captain!
<sfx> FWWZZZZZZ! WHUNK! CHHHHRRRRRRR!!!
Elan: Whoa!! Oh, man! I really wish I had one of Haley's wands that could plausibly turn out to hold Spider Climb or Levitate right now!

Spoiler: Strip 1062

Show

Spanner in the Works
Andi, Bandana, Felix, Mateo

<sfx> SLASH! SLASH!
Felix: Get off! Get off our ship! Go!!
Andi: Will you listen to me? You're going to get us all killed!!
Bandana: I did listen to you, Andi. I just decided elsewise.
Andi: You stubborn little brat, why won't you ever just do what I tell you to do?!?
Bandana: I ain't got time for that now! Starboard-skim that mountain if you can.
Mateo: I'll try, but she's-nnh!-handling real sluggish.
Andi: Of course she's sluggish! The propellers are probably bend, there's damage to the ventral fins, and we're venting gas! The ship is falling apart, but Little Miss Junior Captain here-
Bandana: Then fix something! That's your dang job around here, ain't it? If you spent half the time patching that you spend complaining, we'd have two whole ships by the end of the pass! Now get off my back and see if you can get one of those control fins unstuck or some-
<sfx> WONK! THUNK.
Andi: Turn off the pass! NOW!
Mateo: Aye, aye, Captain.

Spoiler: Strip 1063

Show

No Turn Signal
Andi, Carol, Elan, Felix, Frost Giantess, Kwesi, Mateo, Roy

Elan: Mend-
<sfx> SKRRRREEEEEEEEE
Elan: -iinnnnnggg!!
<sfx> fizzle!
Frost Giantess: Your vessel is sinking lower by the moment, tiny speck of a man!
Roy: Maybe, but listen. Just listen:
<sfx> CLANNG!
Frost Giantess: ...
Roy: The rock bombardment has stopped. I'd love to believe that my rogue has bargained some wide-ranging peace deal that made her a tidy profit on the side--but chances are, my ranger just stabbed all your friends in the elbows and now they can't throw rocks. Or my wizard killed them all and everyone they went to high school with, but let's not dwell on that. Either way, I recommend surrendering.
Frost Giantess: LIES! We are strong and Lord Thrym is with us!
Roy: Nnnnrrh! Conjecture, sure. But not lies. It's just the most probable outcome, given how strong my party is these days. We're not the team that freaks out, fights among ourselves, and then runs away anymore.
Kwesi: AAAAHHHH!!
Felix: What the hell, Andi?!?
Andi: It's fine! It's all fine! Let's just get the hell out of here!
Carol: Please be OK, Please be OK!
Mateo: Anyone have strong feelings on which way I should go around this next mountain?

Spoiler: Strip 1064

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Chained of Command
Andi, Carol, Felix, Kwesi, Mateo

Felix: I can't believe you did that!
Andi: Zip it, Felix! Someone needed to do something.
Felix: What, like mutiny?!?
Andi: Maybe! I don't know! What are you going to do about it? Are you gonna be a big hero and stab me with your sword? Huh??
Felix: ...
Andi: Okay, then. Great. I mean, she was never really captain. She was just a temporary caretaker, and she shouldn't even have been picked for that much. She's just a kid!
Carol: What does that matter? If we're going by age, I should be captain! I'm older than all of you!
Andi: Only because you're a half-elf, Carol. That doesn't count. It's like reverse dog years.
Mateo: Port or starboard, Andi?
Carol: You're tying her up??
Andi: Do you want her to just flop around on the deck and get hurt?
Carol: No, but...this is all wrong!
Kwesi: OK...OK, this sucks, but what's done is done. We need to focus on getting out of here.
Andi: Thank you! At least someone understands.
Mateo: I kinda need a decision here...
Andi: When we're safely away from the giants and Roy kills the ones on the deck, we can talk about-
Mateo: ANDI!! Which way do I go around this mountain?!?
Andi: What? Uh, which way has more room to-
Mateo: Andi, if I could tell, I wouldn't be asking!
Andi: But...I don't know that we can fit through either side!
Mateo: Yes I know that is the nature of the dilemma thank you!

Spoiler: Strip 1065

Show

Lesson Never Learned
Andi, Carol, Elan, Kwesi, Mateo, Teacher

Andi: OK, uh...port? No, wait, starboard! Or maybe-?
Mateo: ANDI!!
Andi: Starboard, then!
Mateo: Everybody, hang on!
<sfx> skrrrrtk!
<cutaway>
Elan: MendOOWW!!
<sfx> fizzle!
<cutback>
Andi: We made it through! I got it right!
Carol: We scraped the side of the mountain!
Andi: We didn't crash, though! I'm awesome at this! Are the engines OK? How's the fuel pressure?
Kwesi: No leaks yet. We're hanging on still.
<cutaway>
<sfx> whhrr! whhrr!
Elan: Wow, casting spells on a moving ship is hard! I wonder why they never taught me about that back in Bard Camp...
<flashback>
Teacher: ...and that's everything you'll need to know about Concentration, kids.
Elan: What flavor do you think clouds are?
<end flashback>
Elan: I mean, vanilla seems the obvious answer, but is it too obvious? Oh, right!

Spoiler: Strip 1066

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Oh Grow Up
Andi, Bandana, Mrs. Secundus

Bandana: Whuh...What the-? What the heck happened?!?
Andi: Oh, you're awake.
Bandana: You low-down rat! You clocked me! That's mutiny!!
Andi: Yeah, we went over that while you were out. Had to be done.
Bandana: Listen to me, if we turned off the pass-
Andi: Oh, now look who's in favor of the captain listening to other opinions all of a sudden.
Bandana: You're not the captain!
<sfx> CLANG!
Andi: Well neither were you, not that it stopped you from bossing me around and getting people killed. And as I learned in engineering school, if something's not working, when all else fails hit it with a wrench. Which I wouldn't have needed to do if you weren't just as pigheaded as when I first came aboard.
Bandana: When you first-I was eight years old when you first came aboard!!
Andi: Exactly.
<flashback>
Mrs. Secundus: I'm so sorry, I hope Beatrix wasn't too much trouble for you.
Andi: It's OK, Mrs. Secundus. I can finish my trigonometry homework later.
Bandana: I ain't Beatrix, I'm Captain Bandana! Scourge of the seven skies! And I'm staying up forever!!
<end flashback>
Andi: I should've know that I'd need to put you to bed in order to get anything useful done.
Bandana: Oh, for the love of-that's what gets you so teed off, ain't it? You got no respect for me or my command because you used to be my babysitter like a million years ago. This whole thing is 'cause you're still salty you gotta take orders from a "kid".
Andi: Wrong! It's not that at all! It just so happens that all your decisions are wrong, and the other options are right, by default.
Bandana: If you're gonna tie my hands up, at least have the manners to stop saying stuff that's just begging for a facepalm.

Spoiler: Strip 1067

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Bump in the Road
Andi, Bandana, Frost Giant, Frost Giantess, Kwesi, Mateo, Roy

Andi: See, and what you've never understood was that-
Mateo: I don't want to repeat myself too much, but I need pretty much constant guidance on where to go at this point.
Andi: Hmmm. Yeah, OK, fine. Let's see.. There! Between those two mountains, I think I see plains in the distance. Head that way.
Mateo: Andi, that ridge is too high. We'd need to rise in order to clear it.
Andi: No, it'll be fine. We'll make it.
<cutaway>
Frost Giant: Grrr!
<sfx> WOOSH!
Roy: You know, I appreciate this grunting-only thing you've got going. It really cuts down on the need to think up witty comments during battle. I can just concentrate-
<sfx> SHTUNK!
Roy: ...on this!
<cutback>
Kwesi: We can't rise because we're busy sinking! We've lost way too much lift gas!!
Andi: That's fine because we don't need to rise because we have plenty of room.
Mateo: Andi, we are not flying high enough to-
Andi: Will you stop it! I'm captain and I say we can make it.
Bandana: Good gods, Andi-overruling your crew's ideas is not the same as overruling their facts!
<cutaway>
Frost Giantess: You wretched little flea!!
Roy: How do you even know what a flea is? There's no way your eyes can focus on something that small.
Frost Giantess: You may have killed my brother-in-arms, but you'll find I'm made of stronger stuff.
<sfx> CLANG!
Roy: Yep, I know. I could tell right away. That's why I saved a little something new just for you.
<sfx> FWOOOSH!
<cutback>
Mateo: BRACE FOR IMPACT!
<cutaway>
Roy: What?
<sfx> SCHLURRRRRSH! BONK! BONK!
Roy: No no no! NO!
<sfx> KRACKK!

Previous Page | Index | Next Page

[martianmister]

I...just went through the whole text and corrected some stuff. Could you tell me what you corrected? I've already started putting it into the Transcription.

In 1038: MitD's "...." changed into "...", Redcloak's "Ahhh!" changed into Ahhh!.
In 1040: Two cases of Redcloak is replaced with MitD.
In 1050: Elan's "Uh.." is changed to "Uh..."

[TheWombatOfDoom]

In 1038: MitD's "...." changed into "...", Redcloak's "Ahhh!" changed into Ahhh!.
In 1040: Two cases of Redcloak is replaced with MitD.
In 1050: Elan's "Uh.." is changed to "Uh..."

Corrected. Found some other small mistakes but overall, great job! The biggest thing is we don't transcribe the "quiet" text unless its actually a whisper, so I removed all the <quietly>. Also if the text is all in one area, like a map, you can just list all of the text under one <map text> and just separate them with periods.

You can remove your entries from above. Everything is up now.

[martianmister]

Transcriptions from 1061 - 1080 was unclaimed, so I did them too.

...

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Transcriptions from 1061 - 1080 was unclaimed, so I did them too.

Holy....Awesome! Thank you! Alright, once Jax gets me his 10, we will be almost caught up! Thank you so much! I'll start reviewing those soon.

[Jaxzan Proditor]

Mine are all in. I'm willing to take on the next ones that we need, although if someone wants to get them in faster, I'll gladly pass them on.

I'm also planning on going through the older ones and looking for typos and things that we might want to make consistent across the board.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

The OotS Transcript - Strips 1068 to 1089
Book 6: Utterly Dwarfed
Previous Page | Index | Next Page

Spoiler: Strip 1068

Show

Ship Abandon
Belkar, Frost Giantess, Haley, Roy, Vaarsuvius

Frost Giantess: You were not the only one holding something back, human! I do not have to worry about upstaging my male colleague's subpar job performance anymore!!
<sfx> WHAM! THUNK!
Frost Giantess: I will kill anyone on this ship for Thrym, and when the elders ask me--I will not say he did all the work!
<sfx> SLASSH!
Roy: Rrrnnnh!
<cutaway>
Haley: That's weird. I just had the urge to shout, "Lean in, sister!"
Vaarsuvius: Perplexing.
Belkar: Hey, you kids need any help with-oh, you got it. Cool.
Haley: Aww, you're not going to get mad at us for killing all of them without you?
Belkar: Nah, whatever. I have stabbed so many faces today. I'm good. I'm actually getting a little antsy about Scruffy and Bloodfeast. And I guess by extension the ship and all the humans and the world.
Haley: I know what you mean. I'm worried about Elan, too.
Belkar: It's good you're finally ready to admit he's essentially your pet.
Haley: Come on, let's see if we can't catch up with the ship. Uhhh...Does anyone know where the ship went?
Belkar: Again?!? I understand why they keep sailing away from me, but they're supposed to like you!

Spoiler: Strip 1069

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Conditional Diagnosis
Crewmember, Elan, Frost Giantess, Roy

Crewmember: <whispering> Psst! Hey, buddy! Take it!
Roy: Thanks. Now get back inside before she-
Frost Giantess: Now you will die and I will live!
<sfx> CLANG!
Roy: For like two days, tops! You know that, right? Ugh, you probably don't.
<cutaway>
Elan: OK, Elan. You can do this. You can concentrate on this one spell, because when you do, Roy will be proud of you and Haley will be proud of you and Vaarsuvius will probably be indifferent and I'm not really sure how Belkar will-NO! Concentrate! You can do this! Mmmmmm-mmmmm-mmending! I did it! And it only took me 11 tries! I hope Roy is doing better with those giants.
<cutback>
<sfx> POW!
<cutaway>
Elan: Oh no! Roy's been staggered! Or possibly stunned! Maybe dazed? Dazzled? I know it's one of the swoopy-star conditions, not one of the swirly-eye ones.

Spoiler: Strip 1070

Show

Half Probably Are
Elan, Frost Giantess, Roy

Frost Giantess: Raaaarrrgh!
Roy: Unnnh....
<cutaway>
Elan: Don't worry, Roy! I'll save you!
<sfx> SNAP! SWOOOSH!
<cutback>
Elan: Cure Critical Wounds!
<sfx> hi-three! POW!
Roy: Thanks. Good thing you knew which rope was safe to cut.
Elan: Huh. I just assumed they were only there for heroic swinging.

Spoiler: Strip 1071

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Never Failed Him Before
Andi, Elan, Frost Giantess, Mateo, Roy

Andi: What?
Mateo: Please do not tell me we can make it over that.
Andi: No, but-I could've sworn I saw...OK, OK, this is not a problem. Kwesi, slow us down to half speed. Mateo, turn us around and head back to where we almost crashed.
Mateo: Which time?
Andi: The fork, not the ridge.
Mateo: Aye aye.
Andi: We turned starboard around that mountain, right? So we'll just pick the other path. Trial and error, just like fixing a machine.
<cutaway>
Frost Giantess: What am I doing? My goal is to destroy this ship, not defeat one human in combat. Raaarr!
<sfx> SNAP! SNAP!
Roy: Ahh, no no no! Hey, don't you want to come back over here and, uh, prove you can beat me on your own?
Elan: Don't worry, Roy-I can slow her down. Minor Confusion!
Frost Giantess: Compel discerning peanut butter droplet ladders!
Roy: Ugh, now she's just running away to the end of the ship where all the important parts are!
Elan: Who would've predicted that acting completely at random could ever turn out bad??

Spoiler: Strip 1072

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Flying Low
Andi, Bandana, Carol, Mateo

Mateo: Uh, Andi, we got a problem. The ridge we scraped-
Andi: No, I said to go back to where we turned not the ridge.
Mateo: Yeah, I know, but the ridge was after the turn, which means we need to go back over it first.
Andi: Will you get to the point?
Carol: His point is that we lost a bunch of lift after we just barely made it over the ridge the first time! It's way above us now!
Andi: So then...where are we supposed to go?
Carol: Nowhere! They's no way through! We're trapped!
Andi: No, there's got to be a way.
Bandana: Why? Why does there gotta be a way, Andi? No reason at all, unless you think things're supposed t'be fair. The lower we sink, the fewer paths are open to us, seein' how mountains're fatter at the bottom than the top! Would they've bothered marking a pass if it was easy to just fly through at any altitude?
Andi: Will you stop it?? It is so obnoxious for you to sit there and just criticize me without offering solutions!
Bandana: Guess we'll put self-awareness on the list of stuff we're running short on, right after lift gas, and options. And licks of common sense.

Spoiler: Strip 1073

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Catching Up
Andi, Elan, Frost Giantess, Kwesi, Roy

Andi: What if we...OK, what if I temporarily boosted the force of the propellers to increase our lift? If I swapped out this fuel regulator...yeah, that might work.
Kwesi: Do you want us to come to a full stop? I'm going to stop us, OK?
<cutaway>
Frost Giantess: Beginner geometry holds up the magnet gambler! Sunrise gravy! No! Must clear my head...I must succeed for Lord Thrym!
<sfx> SSHHRRIPP!
Elan: Aww, man! I just repaired that balloon!
Roy: We've stopped moving, so keep your feet on the deck and fix it again. I've got an-nnn!-idea to get her attention back on me.
<sfx> CATCH!
Frost Giantess: Are you kidding me? Catching boulders is one of our only special abilities.
<sfx> FWONK!
Roy: Well, she threw it back at me instead of at the ship, so technically, that worked.
Elan: Aww, man! I just repaired that fighter!

Spoiler: Strip 1074

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Turning Back
Andi, Bandana, Elan, Felix, Kwesi, Ozzie

Elan: Mending!
<sfx> SLASH!
<cutaway>
Ozzie: All I want is to get the hell out of here! What happens if we can't get up over any of the mountains?
Felix: Eventually, we run out of fuel and have to land.
Ozzie: But then the giants will find us!
Bandana: Everybody listen up. I got stuff to say. I know y'all scared and not sure what to do. I know you'd rather just go back to being pirates instead of all this. I know y'all don't even know exactly what's going on, with this vote thing and vampires and whatever. Everything is spiraling outta control and nothing seems safe anymore. But here's the thing, and I want you to listen carefully to this: Too bad. Suck it the goddamn hell up.
Kwesi: What? That's not exactly the reassuring message I was expec-
Bandana: I ain't here to reassure you, Kwesi! You ain't my girlfriend! I'm here to tell you the truth! And the truth is that everything's gone in the crapper right now and there're only two choices: Buck up and help fix it or lie down and wait to die. Ain't no running, ain't no hiding, ain't no blaming, ain't no someone else's problem. Those ain't the days we're living in no more. Those days are done. Y'all want to get out of this alive? Then roll up your sleeves and do what needs getting done. You do your job, the heroes do theirs, Andi does hers--and I do mine. None of us can go around doin' two jobs. Andi's a good engineer, but she can't goose the engines and be the captain at the same time. You can tell 'cause she ain't standing here telling me to shut it. Come on, this ain't hard. It's all hands on deck. You gonna leave two of them tied to it?
Andi: OK, so I rigged it so that we'll have about a minute of extra power for when we try to cross the ridge, but I don't know if it'll be enough to......get......over it.
<sfx> CLANK!

Spoiler: Strip 1075

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Shuffle the Deck
Andi, Bandana, Elan, Frost Giantess, Roy

Bandana: Stand with the console and get ready to deploy your engine boost on my command.
Andi: Uh, sure. Yes, Captain.
Bandana: Good. Now let's see if we can't shed some more unnecessary baggage first. Hey! Greenhilt! Stop messing around and get her off my ship!
<cutaway>
Roy: That's what I'm trying to do!
<cutback>
Bandana: No, it ain't! You're playing defense. I need you to push her off!
<cutway>
Roy: Uh, it's not that simple. She's strong as I am, but with a lot more mass to try and-
<sfx> CLANG!
<cutback>
Bandana: Do I gotta explain everything to everybody in advance now?!? Just trust me!
<cutaway>
Roy: Aye aye, Captain.
Frost Giantess: Foolish little people! I can hear you make your plans!
Roy: I know, but it's her boat-
<cutback>
Bandana: Annnnnd...
<cutaway>
Roy: -and I just assume she knows what she's doing.
<cutback>
Bandana: NOW!
<cutaway>
<sfx> WHAM!
Elan: Wow, dropping bad guys off an airship is becoming our best move! I wonder if that would work with Xykon...
Roy: Xykon can fly, Elan.
Elan: So it'll be easy to get him up here! Good thinking, Roy!

Spoiler: Strip 1076

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Just Drop It
Andi, Bandana, Carol, Elan, Kwesi, Mateo, Ozzie, Roy

Bandana: OK, great. Now get that giant corpse off the deck. And dump the boulder, too.
<cutaway>
Roy: Yes ma'am. Rnnh!
<cutback>
Bandana: I don't suppose that's enough ballast dropped to clear the ridge, right?
Mateo: I don't think so, Captain.
Bandana: Yeah, woulda been so easy. Carol, do you remember the "Innocent Traveler" plan from the old days?
Carol: Oh wow, yeah. I still remember.
Bandana: Good. Take Ozzie and grab five more, and wait for me to give the word.
Ozzie: Huh? What is she talking about?
Carol: I'll explain on the way. Come on!
Bandana: Andi, get ready to boost.
Andi: I don't understand, what's the-
Bandana: Yeah, 'cause weapons ain't your department.
Carol: Everyone's in place, Captain!
Bandana: Punch it!
Andi: Uh, yes, Captain.
<sfx> wwhRRRRRRrr
Bandana: Weapon's weren't my gig either, but my folks told me all sorts of stuff about back in the day. Like when Julio installed the ballistas during the war, they were worried about getting caught privateering behind enemy lines. They wanted a way to pretend to be just another civilian ship in a pinch-
Andi: Engines at 123% output! It's working!
Kwesi: But it's not enough! Look!
<sfx> WHUPPA! WHUPPA! WHUPPA!
Bandana: -so they had a quick-release lever built into each turret.
Andi: What?!? But-
Bandana: DROP 'EM!
Carol: CAPTAIN SAYS DROP 'EM!
<sfx> KTCHYRNK! PLATK! PLATK! PLATK! PLATK! PLATK! PLATK! WHUPPA! WHUPPA! WHUPPA! WHUPPA! WHUPPA! WHUPPA! WHUPPA! WHUPPA!
Mateo: We did it! We're over!
Bandana: Andi, shut down the boost. We may still need it to get out of here.
Andi: Uh...Yes, Captain.
Roy: Hey, so, what happened back there with the bumping and scraping and such? And did we make a u-turn at one point?
Bandana: Nothing you need to worry about, Greenhilt. The crew just got a little lost for a bit. I think they found the right path, now.
Elan: Did something bad happen? 'Cause the way you said that sorta makes it sound like something bad happ-
Roy: OK, great! Glad it's handled, let's just keep moving, zoom zoom, say no more.

Spoiler: Strip 1077

Show

All Clear
Belkar, Blackwing, Elan, Haley, Roy, Vaarsuvius

Haley: There, see? I told you that black smoke was probably them.
Belkar: Yeah, yeah.
Haley: Hi honey, I'm home!
Elan: Hooray! Does this mean the encounter is over?
Roy: Not quite. We still need to get out of these mountains--and there's no telling how many more giants are still waiting for us along the pass.
Elan: Mass Cure Light Wounds!
Haley: Actually, uh...well, we weren't quite sure where the ship had gone, so...
Belkar: So we already flew to the end of the pass and killed everyone.
Vaarsuvius: A flagrant embellishment of events.
<flashback>
Haley: <voiceover> Most of them ran away after we knocked off their clerics. So it should be clear flying.
Belkar: <voiceover> We made them pee ice cubes!
Vaarsuvius: <voiceover> Again, barely even adjacent to reality.
<end flashback>
Roy: Oh. In that case, yeah, I guess the encounter is over. Good job, everyone. Have a snack or something.
Haley: Kinda anti-climactic, I guess.
Elan: But everything that's not the climax is supposed to be, a little.
Roy: Vaarsuvius, I have a special task I need you to do before we get too far away.
Vaarsuvius: Of course. How may I be of service?
Roy: I don't remember the name, but you have a spell that locates objects, right?
Vaarsuvius: Yes. It is called Locate Object.
Roy: During the battle, I...dropped my sword. Over the edge of the ship. Somewhere back in the mountains. I need you to fly back and-
Belkar: You lost your sword again?!?
Roy: Don't even start. It happens to everyone.
Belkar: I think you've had more fights without it than with it at this point!
Roy: You literally just dropped your daggers in the temple.
Belkar: Fortnights passed since a villain impaled you on your own sword: zero!
Blackwing: This is why I only rely on my deadly razor-sharp talons in combat.
Vaarsuvius: I have watched you try and fail to pierce the skin of a potato.
Blackwing: Sure, but I never made a whole B-plot out of it.

Spoiler: Strip 1078

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But If You Try Sometimes
Belkar, Blackwing, Roy, Vaarsuvius

Belkar: We shoud just bolt your sword to your hand and get it over with.
Roy: It's a two-handed weapon.
Belkar: Learn to eat with your feet!
Vaarsuvius: I hasten to interject that I have additional potentially time-sensitive data that merits immediate consideration.
Belkar: Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go feed my cat. At least he can't drop his claws over the side.
Blackwing: Dude, I just made that comment.
Belkar: What do you want, royalties?
Vaarsuvius: Sir Greenhilt, I realize now that I may not have been sufficiently explicit in response to your inquiry. Yes, the Locate Object spell is in my spellbook; no, I do not have it prepared. I am more than willing to prepare it at the next available opportunity, after I have tranced again.
Roy: Tranced? V, that takes eight hours!
Vaarsuvius: Technically, the trance only takes four. But then I must spend an additional four hours further refraining from especially taxing mental activity.
Blackwing: We do a lot of word search puzzles, mostly.
Roy: We can't stop here and wait for eight hours! The vampires could get their vote together in that time.
Vaarsuvius: I concur. Nor can I disembark and have any hope of overtaking this vessel's superior maximum velocity after I locate your wayward weapon.
Roy: So that's just it. I either get my sword back, or I save the world. Not both.
Vaarsuvius: It is possible that we could return after curtailing the vampiric threat but before facing Xykon.
Roy: No, come on. You know that won't happen. There will be some new thing we learn that means we have to rush right to the pole, no backtracking even for a day. That's how it always work. I think that's what makes me the maddest. That I thought for a moment we could get something unambiguously positive.
Vaarsuvius: To what are you referring?
Roy: This silly "legacy weapon" thing. I stood in that cargo hold-wasting time I could've been planning on how to fight Durkon-and tried to get it to shoot fire. That was never going to work! Not for me! Not for us! How was I going to somehow use my "emotions" to change its magic? When what I should have been focusing on--was to JUST NOT DROP IT!!
<sfx> PWOK! clank! clank! clatter! PWOK!
Roy: Never mind, I'm good.

Spoiler: Strip 1079

Show

Threat Level
Andy, Bandana, Carol, Felix, Mateo

Mateo: And we're through! Clear of the mountains, Captain.
Carol: We did it!
Mateo: Of course, now we don't have any weapons.
Bandana: Eh, it's not like siege weapons're really gonna do the trick against the enemies we're fighting these days. When we get back to Tinkertown, I'm gonna look into hiring a full-time ship's wizard. Or maybe I'll drop in on that plucky little lieutenant and ask her about buying a few of those big lightning cannons. I want everyone who doesn't need to have hands on the controls to start mendin' and patchin'--'specially 'round where the turrets were. Rope Elan into castin' that spell of his, if you need to. And as for you, now that we're out safely-
Andi: *gulp*
Bandana: -that's Strike One.
Andi: ...What...what happens on Strike Three?
Bandana: Nuthin'. 'Cause you won't make it past Strike Two. Now I'm gonna go take care of this splitting headache. That I got. Somehow.
Felix: Wait, Captain! Since Andi put the ship in danger, can I have her pay from this trip?
Bandana: Come on, Felix. That just wouldn't be fair. We'll split her share up between the whole crew.
Felix: What? You wanted to know what I was going to do about it, didn't you?

Spoiler: Strip 1080

Show

Clever Blasting God Stoppers
Belkar, Blackwing, Elan, Haley, Hel, Roy, Thrym, Vaarsuvius

Elan: I've never mended so much in my whole life! Being useful is hard!
Haley: I'm so proud of you, sweetie.
Roy: Elan, good. I was just telling V: I need you both to make sure you rest before we get to Firmament. The rest of us will keep watch in case another fight springs up.
Elan: But I thought we only ever had one random encounter per trip. There was a chalkboard and everything!
Vaarsuvius: We strongly suspect the recent conflict was not random by any measure.
Roy: The timing is suspicious, plus the berserker giant kept saying she had to do it for "Lord Thrym".
Blackwing: Oh! The clerics said the same thing. Is that their king?
Roy: Their god, I think. I wasn't paying much attention by the time the demigods voted, but I think he voted on Hel's side. Seemed cagey on his reasons, though.
Elan: I was worried about one god, now we're fighting two? Or one-and-a-half, I guess?
Belkar: Oh, relax. We're going to crush it.
Haley: Belkar, you can't beat gods by stabbing them in the face.
Belkar: I know that. I also know these gods are serving some seriously weak tea. The worst this Hel chick can do to stop us is ask her buddy to come up with something to throw in our path--and we kick its ass anyway? That is some bargain basement godhood they got there.
Roy: Belkar is right.
Belkar: Nope. Still weird.
Roy: Hel wouldn't even need to jump through all those hoops with Durkon if she wasn't at a huge disadvantage compared to other gods.
Elan: I guess it woulda been strange if we'd gotten all the way there without anyone trying to stop us.
Haley: Yeah. If you think about it, this only proves that we really are a threat to Hel's evil plans.
Belkar: Hell yeah, we are!
Vaarsuvius: The relative dearth of pretext and subterfuge does imply an increase in urgency.
Roy: OK, OK. Just because we're up in the snow doesn't mean we should get too far over our skis. She might not have a ton of resources, but she obviously knows exactly who and where we are, and that we're coming to stop her priests. And while I'm thrilled at the prospect of a villain who actually knows our names, it makes this mission more dangerous than ever. All the more reason to stay on high alert, like I said. We don't know what other alliances Hel might have up her sleeve--since we can't possibly comprehend what dark pact could bind the god of frost giants to her service.
<cutaway>
Thrym: So...do I still get to be your consort when you get Odin's throne?
Hel: Get out.

Spoiler: Strip 1081

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Ill Intent
Hel, Thrym

Thrym: Aww, c'mon, Helsy. Don't be mad.
Hel: Are you still here?
Thrym: I think they did pretty good!
Hel: They didn't stop the ship! They didn't kill even one of the heroes!
Thrym: But they gave it an honest try. I think that's what's really important.
Hel: I strongly disagree. Since those were your best clerics-other than the half-breed that's stuck at the Godsmoot-your usefulness to me has severely plummeted, Thrym.
Thrym: Is that all I am to you? A resource to be used in your scheme?
Hel: Yes! And I explicitly told you that from the start!
Thrym: Yeah, but I didn't think you meant it.
Hel: Luckily, your incompetent frost giants aren't my only tool in the mortal realm. I am also the goddess of disease. And little do they realize that the halfling's cat contracted deadly Sphinx Pox back in the desert. Thanks to my unholy power, every man and woman on that ship is now infected. First, they will start spouting riddles, then their brains will bleed until they DIE!
Hel's Guard: My queen, that virus has an incubation period of five weeks.
Hel: If it loved me, it would replicate faster!!

Spoiler: Strip 1082

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And Your Souls for Free
Dwarf Servant 1, Dwarf Servant 2, Hel, Thrym

Hel: You love me, don't you, Garm? If I sent you to the Material Plane, you'd knock that nasty old ship out of the sky, yes, you would.
Thrym: Hey, that's a great idea! You could send all your death giants, too......and then we could be alone for a bit...
Hel: No, that won't work. I can't be the one to break Odin's rules, not if I want the loopholes in those rules to carry me to victory. This plan only works if I force our fellow gods to obey the letter of the law-or at least be the ones to break it first. Ugh, dwarves! Why are there always creepy little dwarf souls all over my chair?
Dwarf Servant 1: But...you ordered us to clean it...
Dwarf Servant 2: No, no! Shhhh!
Hel: I know that! I meant, "How did my eternal existence end up this way, with nothing to subsist on but dwarf souls?"
Dwarf Servant 1: Ahhhhh!
<sfx> WUMPF!
Hel: In the last world, I didn't have to do anything. People all over the North used to praise my name every time they didn't die-even when it wasn't their time in the first place! Now that I don't have clerics to spread my words, the mortals don't know enough to thank me!
Thrym: It's just not fair that you don't get the worship that you never deserved anymore.
Hel: Exactly! Thank you!

Spoiler: Strip 1083

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You Bet
Hel, Loki, Thor, Thrym

Hel: Look at me! I'm wasting away without worship!
Thrym: Are you sure? Because you've always looked like that.
Hel: Yes, I'm sure! All because when we were making this world, Loki tricked me.
<flashback>
Loki: Hey, uh, Hel, sweetie...what do you think is more important for a god to have, more clerics or more souls?
Hel: Souls, obviously. They give you power, while clerics use it. Why?
Loki: So...would you consider a bet with your Uncle Thor to see who gets the most power in this new world?
Thor: Huh?
Loki: He keeps the normal arrangement, you trade your ability to make clerics among the living for, say, default dominion over all souls from a major race? The dwarves, for example?
Hel: All of them?
Loki: Sure. Maybe with a small exception for those who die with honor?
<end flashback>
Hel: I didn't know Thor would TELL them about it! He helped them develop the most honor-bound society on the planet! Those ugly little dwarves literally devote their whole lives to denying me what is rightfully mine! But this world is almost done, and when it is, I'll collect millions of souls at once-and my winnings from the bet! And then Loki and Thor will have Hel to pay!
Thrym: Wow, it must be cool to have a name that lends itself to so many good villain puns.
Hel: Yeah, I do actually have to give Dad credit on that one.

Spoiler: Strip 1084

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Consumers Report
Brother Sandstone, Hel, Thrym, Vampire Durkon

Thrym: You seem really tense. Maybe an aura massage would help you-
Hel: Wait! My high priest is ready for me to make contact. Please tell me you have some good news, vampire.
Vampire Durkon: My lady, I am pleased to report that all preparations are going well.
Hel: Well at least somebody is pulling their own weight around here.
Thrym: Not fair! He's very tiny, his weight is a lot less than mine!
Hel: Thrym has failed to stop the dwarf's allies, and they will arrive at Thor's temple in Firmament before midnight.
Vampire Durkon: We will be ready. We will have plenty of time to kill Greenhilt and the rest before the Council convenes.
Hel: I don't care if he dies or not! Just keep him away from the meeting until it's over.
Vampire Durkon: Yes, my lady, of course. As you have taught me through your-bzz!-example, we have several contingencies in place. The vote shall-bzzt!-transpire according to your-bzzz!-will, and no-bzzzt!
Hel: What is that crackling noise?
Vampire Durkon: Nothing to worry-bzzz!-about, Mistress.
<cutaway>
Vampire Durkon: Just some static on the line. I'm sure it will clear up when we're done with dinner.
Brother Sandstone: Ahhhh!

Spoiler: Strip 1085

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Omission Possible
Durkon, Hurak, Vampire Durkon, Vampire Gontor, Vampiress with Long-hair, Vampiress with Short-hair

Vampire Durkon: If everyone's drank their fill, I'm just going to borrow this for a moment. Everyone get ready. As soon as the door opens, we're going to storm the temple and-
<sfx> KRACK!
<cutaway>
Vampire Durkon: What just happened?
Durkon: It crumbled ta dust.
(D): It's crumbled to dust.
<flashback>
Hurak: This stone'll unlock any door to our temple. Dinnae give it ta anyone ye dinnae trust.
(H): This stone will unlock any door to our temple. Don't give it to anyone you don't trust.
Durkon: Wha if someone takes it?
(D): What if someone takes it?
Hurak: It'll crumble ta dust.
(H): It will crumble to dust.
<end flashback>
Durkon: See?
Vampire Durkon: Why didn't you show me that memory before?!
Durkon: You dinnae ask fer it. Also, I hate ye an' I want ye ta fail.
(D): You didn't ask for it. Also, I hate you and I want you to fail.
Vampire Durkon: I see your defiance has bubbled back up to the surface.
Durkon: Guess so. Feelin' sorry fer meself ne'er got nuthin' done fer no one.
(D): Guess so. Feeling sorry for myself never done anything for no one.
<cutback>
Vampiress with Long-hair: Greater Dispel Magic! Darn it!
Vampiress with Short-hair: It's sealed so tight, I can't seep through the edges!
Vampire Gontor: Why won't it open? It's a door! That's it's whole purpose!
<cutaway>
Vampire Durkon: You know, if you'd told me about the stone, I wouldn't have had to kill that cleric. His death is on your hands.
Durkon: Ye woulda killed 'im anyway, after trickin' 'im inta givin' it freely somehow. This way, tha folks inside are safe.
(D): You would kill him anyway, after tricking him into giving it freely somehow. This way, the folks inside are safe.
Vampire Durkon: Hmm. That's true. I should've know that if there was a way to thwart me by being completely passive and letting events unfold with no input, you'd find it. It's like fighting some kinda giant monstrous wallflower.
Durkon: I prefer ta think o' meself as yellow mold. Step on me, and I'll eventually rot your face off.
(D): I prefer to think of myself as yellow mold. Step on me, and I'll eventually rot your face off.

Spoiler: Strip 1086

Show

Look Inside
Durkon, Hoskin, Hurak, Kandro, Logann, Logann's Sister, Shirra, Thirden, Vampire Durkon, Vampire Gontor, Vampiress with Long-hair, Vampiress with Short-hair

Vampire Durkon: Hold on. Let me do a little reconnaissance, actually.
Vampiress with Short-hair: Master, we already tried scrying inside.
Vampire Durkon: I had something a bit more idiosyncratic in mind.
Vampire Gontor: If it doesn't open, it's not even really a door! It's just a...a wall!
<cutaway>
Vampire Durkon: Let's try this again. Show me a memory that gives me a good view of the room on the other side of this door.
Durkon: Git stuffed.
(D): Get stuffed.
Vampire Durkon: What is the purpose of defiance at this point? You know I'm just going to absorb the memory by force, if I need to. I don't understand why you would continue to put yourself in agony during what little time you have left as a discrete consciousness. I would think it would be easier and less painful to just go along with my requests.
Durkon: Nnnnnnh! Lotsa things...worth doin'...are na painless.
(D): Lots of things...worth doing...are not painless.
Vampire Durkon: Spare me the heroics and give me a useful memory.
Durkon: ...Aye. Thar's defin'tely a use fer it.
(D): ...Yes. There is definitely a use for it.
<flashback>
Hurak: Brother Thundershield...Do ye pledge yer life 'n service ta tha holy father o' tha storm, master o' tha Northern skies, king o' thunder an' frequent smiter o' trees?
(H): Brother Thundershield...Do you pledge your life in service to the holy father of the storm, master of the Northern skies, king of thunder and frequent smiter of trees?
Durkon: Aye. May 'is lightnin' guide me path.
(D): Yes. May his lightning guide my path.
Hurak: Then I 'ereby ordain ye as a cleric in tha Church o' Thor.
(H): Then I hereby ordain you as a cleric in the Church of Thor.
Logann: Wooooo!
Shirra: Yeah!
Thirden: Huzzah!
Logann's Sister: Hooray fer Cousin Durkon!
(LS): Hooray for Cousin Durkon!
Hoskin: Praise Thor!
Kandro: Ye've done us all proud, lad.
(K): You've made us all proud, boy.
Durkon: But I dinnae actually do nuthin' yet, Uncle Kandro. It were just a ceremony.
(D): But I didn't actually do anything yet, Uncle Kandro. It was just a ceremony.
Shirra: Oh, come on. Enough with the modesty.
Logann: Aye, yer a full-fledged cleric now, Durkon.
(L): Yes, you're a full-fledged cleric now, Durkon.
Thirden: How about a spell?
Logann's Sister: Can ye bless me dolly?
(LS): Can you bless my doll?
Hoskin: Ye know yer on tha hook ta perform our weddin' now, right?
(H): You know you're on the hook to perform our wedding now, right?
<end flashback>
<cutback>
Vampire Durkon: Change of plans: I see quite a few wards in the temple sanctuary. As fun as it would've been to meet Roy in battle on the floor of Thor's temple, there's too much risk. We'll fall back and find a safer battlefield.
Vampiress with Long-hair: So that means we don't need to unseal the temple door anymore?
Vampire Durkon: Thankfully, yes.
Vampire Gontor: Do you want to be a wall?? Is that it? Do your job, you disobedient ingress!!

Spoiler: Strip 1087

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Masters Mastering Mastery
Durkon, Janna, Thirden, Vampire Durkon, Vampire Gontor, Vampiress with Long-hair, Vampiress with Short-hair

Vampiress with Short-hair: Everything's ready, Master.
Vampire Durkon: Excellent. Thank you.
<cutaway>
<flashback>
Janna: Master, as your humble apprentice, I would request permission to honor your nephew with a song I wrote for this holy occasion.
Thirden: I've asked you not to call me, "Master," Janna. It's creepy. And you don't need anyone's approval to sing a song.
Janna: Thank you, Master! Ahem...
Janna: <singing> All honor to Durkon Thundershield Whose piety is unconcealed! Today, he becomes a cleric Which is impressive by any metric!
Durkon: <whispering> Och, Squeaky, she's terrible!
Thirden: <whispering> Of course! If she were any good, she wouldn't have anything to learn from me!
<end flashback>
<cutback>
Vampire Durkon: Exarch, if you're done scolding the architectural elements, we're moving on.
Vampire Gontor: I'm sorry, Master. I just can't stand it when things aren't the way they're supposed to be. It's my host's fault. This cretinous little dwarf in my head, he had his entire life laid out for him. His parents went through the trouble to provide him with a career in the family business and an arranged marriage with a slightly more prosperous clan--and he threw it all away to go worship rocks! It makes me sick!
Vampire Durkon: I understand, Exarch, though my dwarf has the opposite problem. He seems to have lived his life as the mortal equivalent of a support beam, without ever satisfying his own desires. Even the memories of his most important days tend to be about other people! But if he were any good at getting the revenge he deserves, he wouldn't have anything to learn from me, I suppose.
Vampire Gontor: See? We're perfect for our roles! You're a great leader, Master, and I'm a great follower!
Vampire Durkon: Ha! Yes. As it should be.
Vampiress with Long-hair: So...do we have any idea where we're going?
Vampire Gontor: Why won't you get onboard with the "great leader" narrative already?!?

Spoiler: Strip 1088

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Hall Past
Durkon, Janna, Logann, Sigdi, Someone, Thirden, Vampire Durkon, Vampire Gontor, Vampiress with Long-hair

Vampiress with Long-hair: Will you chill?
Vampire Gontor: I'll chill when you stop questioning our master!
Vampire Durkon: Actually, she has a good point. We need a space large enough to get all of our work done, but secluded enough that we won't be disturbed while we refresh our spells.
<cutaway>
<flashback>
Durkon: Och, I'm na much fer speeches...But I wanted ta thank ye all fer bein' 'ere on me special day. Thar's na way I'da gotten through clerical trainin' without all o' yer help n' support. Uncle Thirden, helpin' me wit me mythology. Uncle Kandro, teachin' me ta wield a hammer n' shield. Aunt Shirra, takin' me ta buy tha hammer n' shield ta practice wit. Uncle Hoskin, keepin' me on tha straight n' narrow. Cousin Logann...helpin' me fall off it, once n' a while.
(D): Och, I'm not much for speeches...But I want to thank you all for being here on my special day. There's no way I'd gotten through clerical training without all of your help and support. Uncle Thirden, helping me with my mythology. Uncle Kandro, teaching me to wield a hammer and shield. Aunt Shirra, taking me to buy that hammer and shield to practice with. Uncle Hoskin, keeping me on the straight and narrow. Cousin Logann...helping me fall off it, once in a while.
Logann: Everythin' I learned aboot slackin' off, I learned from Squeaky.
(L): Everything I learned about slacking off, I learned from Squeaky.
Janna: Hey, don't talk about my master that way!
<sfx> Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Thirden: *sigh*
Durkon: But most of all, Ma. Everythin' she's e'er done's been fer me, ta help me be who I am t'day. And I just want 'er ta know I see it. I love ye, Ma.
(D): But most of all, Mother. Everything she's ever done is been for me, to help me be who I am today. And I just want her to know I see it. I love you, Mother.
Sigdi: Och, enough o' tha mushy stuff! Let's eat!
(S): Och, enough of the mushy stuff! Let's eat!
Someone: Yeah!
Someone: I'm starving!
Thirden: Actually, I was hoping to have two servings of the mushy stuff, with butter.
Someone: Ha ha!
<end flashback>
<cutback>
Vampire Durkon: There's a banquet hall nearby. Should have plenty of space for our purposes. Follow me.
Vampire Gontor: See? Great leader!
<cutaway>
Vampire Durkon: That was awfully easy. This isn't some sort of trick, isn't it? A false memory?
Durkon: Och, if'n I could show ye stuff tha dinnae happen, I'd've told ye Roy's name was, like, Maurice or sumthin' on Day One.
(D): Och, if I could show you stuff that didn't happen, I've told you Roy's name was, like, Maurice or something on Day One.
Vampire Durkon: Hmm. True.
Durkon: Or showed ye Haley refusin' payment while Belkar served soup to orphans. An' Elan did math in tha background!
(D): Or showed you Haley refusing payment while Belkar served soup to orphans. And Elan did math in the background!
Vampire Durkon: OK, yes, fine. Point taken.
Durkon: "We need a team name! Let's call ourselves 'Tha Order o' tha Look-Out-Roy-Tha-Vampire's-Na-Really-Durkon!'"
(D): "We need a team name! Let's call ourselves 'The Order of the Look-Out-Roy-The-Vampire's-Not-Really-Durkon!'"

Spoiler: Strip 1089

Show

Scents and Cents Ability
Durkon, Hoskin, Kandro, Logann, Logann's Mother, Shirra, Sigdi, Thirden, Vampire Durkon

Vampire Durkon: I still can't help but notice that you volunteered a suitable location for our evil plans without even being asked.
Durkon: Guess so.
Vampire Durkon: I don't understand you. You switch back and forth between fighting me for every inch and giving me more help than I requested.
Durkon: Wha do ye care? Jus' take tha extra help when I give it.
(D): Why do you care? Just take the extra help when I give it.
Vampire Durkon: I don't care. Not really. But I want to be sure you're not plotting something.
Durkon: ...
Vampire Durkon: I meant something that might actually work.
Durkon: I'll make ye a deal. Watch tha next part o' this memory, an' I'll tell ye tha Thor's honest truth.
(D): I'll make you a deal. Watch the next part of this memory, and I'll tell you the Thor's honest truth.
Vampire Durkon: Hmmm. Thor is a deceitful untrustworthy wretch. But I know you think he's not, so I agree.
<flashback>
Logann: It's justa scratch I got n' army trainin', Ma. It's na big deal.
(L): It's just a scratch I got in army training, Mother. It's no big deal.
Logann's Mother: Shush. Let yer cousin work.
(LM): Shush. Let your cousin work.
Durkon: Cure Minor Wounds!
Logann: Whoa.
Logann's Mother: I just got chills.
Hoskin: Thar ye go, lad! Praise Thor!
(H): There you go, boy! Praise Thor!
Shirra: Sigdi, what's wrong? You don't look like the proud mother of a newly ordained cleric of Thor.
Sigdi: Och, I am. I ne'er been prouder o' me boy. I just...I willnae haf tha money ta pay ye back until next month at tha earliest.
(S): Och, I am. I never been prouder of my boy. I just...I will not have the money to pay you back until next month at the earliest.
Shirra: That's what you're worried about, today of all days?!?
Sigdi: Ye know I dinnae like bein' in debt, 'specially fer a silly luxury like this.
(S): You know I don't like being in debt, especially for a silly luxury like this.
Shirra: Sigdi, I love you, but...it's a new dress! You're entitled to one new dress when your child becomes the living messenger of the Thunder God.
Thirden: True! It's a little-known church bylaw.
Hoskin: An' ye know how tha five o' us all feel aboot ye payin' us back anythin'.
(H): And you know how the five of us all feel about you paying us back anything.
Sigdi: I know, but-
Shirra: But, but but! That dress is a gift from me to you, and my honor will be deeply insulted if you try to give me money for it later.
Sigdi: Och, alright. Thank ye, all o' ye.
(S): Och, alright. Thank you, all of you.
<end flashback>
Vampire Durkon: See, this is what I'm talking about! They throw you a party, and your memories are filled up with what your mother was doing during it! You were a spectator in your own life before I made you a spectator in your own life! Now answer my question: Why did you just help me?
Durkon: It's Tuesday.
Vampire Durkon: Huh?
Durkon: Tha owners o' tha hall're Odin-worshippers, so thar always closed on Tuesday, 'cause it's tha night b'fore thar holy day. Ye were gonna go lookin' fer a place to set up wit or witout me help, so at least I could steer ye ta a place where thar willnae be anyone ta kill right now.
(D): The owners of the hall are Odin-worshippers, so they're always closed on Tuesday, because it's the night before their holy day. You were gonna go looking for a place to set up with or without my help, so at least I could steer you to a place where there will not be anyone to kill right now.
Vampire Durkon: What does that have to do with the memory you just showed me?
Durkon: I was hopin' ye'd learn a lesson aboot acceptin' help when offer'd.
(D): I was hoping you'd learn a lesson about accepting help when offered.
Vampire Durkon: Really?
Durkon: Nah. I just wanted ye ta watch it.
(D): Nah. I just wanted you to watch it.
Vampire Durkon: If that's the reason you, helped, you're a fool. Your efforts have only increased the chances that those dwarves all die anyway when Hel's plans come to fruition.
Durkon: But if Roy beats ye, then I'll haf saved thar lives.
(D): But if Roy beats you, then I'll have saved their lives.
Vampire Durkon: You shouldn't get your hopes up. I have plenty of ideas for dealing with Roy that won't interrupt our efforts to sway the Council vote tomorrow. You have no power to stop me. What do you have to say to that, Durkon? What...What is that smell?? Oh Hel-it's revolting!
Durkon: Tha's tha memory o' tha first time I got food poisonin' from human cookin'.
(D): That's the memory of the first time I got food poisoning from human cooking.
Vampire Durkon: I'm gonna throw up!
Durkon: Ye cannae! Yer a negative energy spirit, rememb'r?
(D): You can not! You're a negative energy spirit, remember?
Durkon: Unnnnh...
Vampire Durkon: Turn it off! Turn it off!
Durkon: Suit yerself, but thar's six more hours o' me runnin' ta tha can, an' ye'll haf ta smell ev'ry minute of it at some point!
(D): Suit yourself, but there's six more hours of my running to the can, and you'll have to smell every minute of it at some point!
Vampire Durkon: That's why I'm not worried about you upsetting my plans. The best you can come up with is...is a juvenile prank!
Durkon: Yer tha one makin' me relive me whole childhood.
(D): You're the one making me relive my whole childhood.
Vampire Durkon: Biology is disgusting! I don't know how the living live like that!
Durkon: Ye've na ev'n seen half tha gross stuff skin can do yet! Yer gonna love tha extended pus-squeezin' montage I got lined up!
(D): You've not even seen half the gross stuff skin can do yet! You're gonna love that extended pus-squeezing montage I got lined up!

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