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    Default Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    Previous thread here.

    Basically, in this thread, you add to the ever-growing list of things we're not allowed to do in role-playing games. Now, let's pick up where we left off last time, shall we?

    3262: No matter how high my Move Silently skill is, I cannot successfully sneak while singing at the top of my lungs.
    3263: Animal companions, familiars and paladin mounts are not emergency rations.
    3264: I may not name my noble steed "/dev/horse".
    Last edited by PurityIcekiller; 2014-05-18 at 11:36 PM.
    When in doubt, use cute little dragons.


    (::) (::) Trog gave me cookies by accident. Mmm.

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    BlueKnightGuy

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3265: As GM, I may not make my players (who I know watch Doctor Who) think the perfectly normal statue of an angel is a Weeping Angel

    That game ended with an SUV being driven over said statue. Just in case.
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    ElfWarriorGuy

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3266: I'm not allowed to invent any kind of science or mathematics. Period.
    3266a: Especially not to do with the DM's homebrew mathematics.
    3266a Errata: This also applies when I'm the DM.
    Xykon's not Evil. He just get bored really easily. And he doesn't have constructive hobbies.
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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3267: As a GM I am not allowed to have The Spanish Inquisition appear whenever they are mentioned.
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    I did not lie, I wilfully participated in a campaign of misinformation

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3268:The wise alaundo was a mute illiterate.

    3268a:The wise alaundo never existed
    78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. If you're one of the 22% that didn't, copy and paste this into your signature.

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3269: I don't care if it's rules-legal, I am no longer allowed to have an ork who quad-wields two-handed flamers while riding on a bike with every item ever to come to pass in an adamantine carry case on the back.
    Avatar by Pessimismrocks. My homebrew.
    Ariel lends its wisdom:
    If machineguns aren't working, you need more machineguns.
    If I wanted you to use gendered pronouns for me, I'd have a gender marker. Amkii, Kayros, Legio and The Hunter shouldn't be referred to as male either.
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    ElfWarriorGuy

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3270: No, my Gnomish Wizard cannot turn himself into an indestructible statue JUST to be a hammer for the Barbarian.
    Xykon's not Evil. He just get bored really easily. And he doesn't have constructive hobbies.
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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    Quote Originally Posted by PurityIcekiller View Post
    3264: I may not name my noble steed "/dev/horse".
    Nor may his name be anything to do with licking or raisins.
    ℓαυяιn ιѕ тнє вєѕт ℓєgισnnαιяє

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    Quote Originally Posted by Keltest View Post
    Most men are actually The Flash in disguise.
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    ban the problem spells and the problem classes. not the whole book.
    So.. Keep the bard?
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    The only thing worse than a Beholder with an anti-magic cone is a Beholder without the anti-magic cone.
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    Baaa, I can think! Baaa, I can't see in the dark!

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    NinjaGuy

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3271.) no dominating paladins and making them fall
    Am A:


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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3272) I am no longer allowed to cast "Grease" to give the mid-wife a bonus to her heal checks. The science seems sound to me, I don't know why the GM nixed it.
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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3273: Our CoC game is not set at Cold Comfort Farm.
    3274: I may not tristalt monster classes.
    Cthulhu fhtagn R'lyeh!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd-o-rama View Post
    There were other programs that were deleted, but they either go quietly or spend the rest of their existence sitting around babbling about causality. Smith's different. He gets deleted and he's like "Hell no, I'm staying. And I'll steal your kernel privileges and spam copies of myself onto every last thing on the hard disk. How d'you like that?"
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    ElfWarriorGuy

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3275: I am no longer allowed to kidnap monsters and enslave them.
    3275a: Especially not when I'm lawful good.
    3275b: No, not even when I'm chaotic evil, either.
    3275c: I, as a player, grant my character immunity to charm and compulsion effects that would cause my character to do such things.
    3276: I am no longer allowed to cast suggestion on evil NPC wizards.
    Xykon's not Evil. He just get bored really easily. And he doesn't have constructive hobbies.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Socksy View Post
    You're a perfect person.
    Isn't Socksy adorabibbles?

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3277. As a DM, I may not advance a mimic to Huge size and have it be shaped like a gazebo.
    Avatar from anythingcomic.com

    Quote Originally Posted by Razanir View Post
    Everyone knows frying pans are actually weapons that people repurpose for cooking
    I am an 11/11/12/15/12/14 LG Wiz 1/Clr 1

    I have invented a new pronoun. is to be referred to as V/vim/vis/vis/vimself instead of he/him/his/his/himself or she/her/her/hers/herself

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3278. I am no longer allowed fire.
    3278a. I am not allowed to be given fire.
    3278b. How the hell did she get fire?
    3278c. Oh god everything is on fire.


    3278. Castaras is not allowed anything dangerous and must be kept in a straitjacket at all times.
    "I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
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    "After the first day we universally agreed that she was banned from fire thereafter. The second day she ended up with the power to create 5 extra copies of herself."
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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    Quote Originally Posted by Castaras View Post
    3278. I am no longer allowed fire.
    3278a. I am not allowed to be given fire.
    3278b. How the hell did she get fire?
    3278c. Oh god everything is on fire.


    3278. Castaras is not allowed anything dangerous and must be kept in a straitjacket at all times.
    3278a (revised): Looking at other players in a funny way whilst wearing a straitjacket at the gaming table is forbidden.

    3279: There are no psionic thought police. Any attempts to prove otherwise will result in epic level amnesia.
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    Orc in the Playground
     
    BlueKnightGuy

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3280: I am allowed to plant a bug on an agent of a government shadow organization, but the GM is not responsible for the consequences.
    Spoiler: Hall of Characters
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    (PF) Bjarne Stahlgeist, LN Dwarf Fighter (10)/Cleric (4) (gestalt)--alive and well
    (PF) Birios, CG Gnome Sorcerer (1)--alive and well
    (PF) William Gedding, NG Human Ranger (1)--alive and well
    (3.5) Gaeralagos, CN Half-Elf Rogue (2)/Swashbuckler (4)--alive and well
    (PF) Sithundan, NG Oread Fighter (6)--alive and well

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    ElfWarriorGuy

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3281: While I am allowed to PLAY as a Clown Barbarian, I am NOT allowed to ROLEPLAY said character.
    Edit: 3281b: "OH GOD NO NOT A MIME NO PLEASE NO NOT A FREAKING MIME." Paraphrased quote from the DM. I am no longer allowed to describe their non-combat actions.

    Edit: 3281: I am no longer allowed to play as any kind of clown full stop no more clowns please.
    Last edited by Eternis; 2014-07-17 at 03:28 AM.
    Xykon's not Evil. He just get bored really easily. And he doesn't have constructive hobbies.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Socksy View Post
    You're a perfect person.
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    SolithKnightGuy

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    I am not allowed to get every aboleth graft ever.

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    Quote Originally Posted by ... View Post
    I am not allowed to get every aboleth graft ever.
    3282b: Or every sithilar graft.
    3282c: Or any other sort of graft, for that matter.
    Cthulhu fhtagn R'lyeh!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd-o-rama View Post
    There were other programs that were deleted, but they either go quietly or spend the rest of their existence sitting around babbling about causality. Smith's different. He gets deleted and he's like "Hell no, I'm staying. And I'll steal your kernel privileges and spam copies of myself onto every last thing on the hard disk. How d'you like that?"
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    SolithKnightGuy

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    I am also not allowed to be a druid who is hated by animals. Where did I get that idea from, anyways?

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    Kobold

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3283: I am not allowed to sneak past light-sensitive creatures while carrying a lit lantern
    3284: I am not allowed to use gnomes as improvised throwing weapons
    3285: I am not allowed to use dispel magic to dispel a beholders anti-magic cone.
    3286: I can not cast fireball on every merchant I see and take their stuff
    3287: I can not actually accept the villains offer for ultimate power at the cost of my parties lives.
    3288: I can not become a vampiric werebear-wererat
    3289: I can not crawl into the dragons throat and make it drown in my piss (what can I say? I was desperate!)
    3290: I can not lodge the petrified body of my cleric in a purple worms throat
    3291: I can not be a halfling fighter with strength as my dump stat
    3292: I can not be a paladin who burns down houses for fun
    3293: I can not throw my fellow party members into a pit of acid and still loot the corpses
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    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    SolithKnightGuy

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3294. I cannot walk down the other road when all the other party members are walking down the first one.

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    BlackDragon

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3294. im not allowed to be good because I suck at it.

    3295. no backstories involving amnesia, its to over-done.
    Sry, for any delays; its not my intarnet... its probobly thr fact I spend several minuts spell checing miself.

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    Sorcerer in the playground, horror to bandits and wizards alike.

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    3297: If I'm the only person who can successfully roleplay a non-chaotic character, I probably shouldn't be the party rogue.
    3298: My animal companion may not be a miniature giant space hamster.
    When in doubt, use cute little dragons.


    (::) (::) Trog gave me cookies by accident. Mmm.

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    Chd's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    Here's a few from our group's games based around my cleric's attempt to raise funds to finance an expedition after a the DMPC rogue got wasted and blew the party's coffers on courtesans and magic beans that turned out to be worthless.

    3299: I cannot use "Bless Water" on my bladder so I can piss 'Holy Urine'. I must relieve myself into a chamber-pot or bottle first.
    3300: I cannot sell bottles of Holy Urine as a 'Undead/Outsider-bane™" to Commoners, especially if
    3301: The Cleric's 'Undead/Outsider-bane™" cannot be used as a poison coating for weapons against the undead.
    3302: The Cleric, despite being a cleric of Vengence and Sun, cannot execute the DMPC, thereby ****ing up the whole campaign.
    3303: The Cleric cannot convert the Courtesans to their god, and then allow them to deliver vengeance against the DMPC sadists.
    3304: The Cleric cannot execute the Bean-seller, even if the bean seller knew the money was 'hot'.
    3305: The Cleric cannot convert the Courtesans to their god, and allow them to deliver vengeance against the Bean-seller, even if the bean seller knew the money was 'hot'.
    3306: "My Bladder" is not a suitable vessel for 'Create Water'.

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    Devil

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    Default Re: Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

    Quote Originally Posted by PurityIcekiller View Post
    3298: My animal companion may not be a miniature giant space hamster.
    Go for the eyes, Boo! Go for the eyes!
    Cats are like potato chips, you can never have just one.- I find that darkly amusing.

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    C'mon RNG, play nice.
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