1001+ ways to screw with your DM/Party

[Ferronach]

880
Have each iteration be nearly identical - changing only minor things with the build (e.g., no, no - my last character was a Male, 350 lb, 6'-6" Half Orc that specialized in charging with a Greatsword. This new character is a Female, 220 lb, 4'-9" Dwarf that specializes is charging with a Dwarvaen War Pike... they are completely different!)

hahaha when I started reading this I thought you were going to say: "this new... is a Male 349 lb, 6'-5.5" Half Orc specializing in charging with a falchion XD

[...]

881
Give your skeletons custom templates called "spooky" and "scary."


I am a sad, sad man.

[Kazyan]

882
As a DM, ban Tome of Battle. Never explain why--just watch the reactions.

[nedz]

883
Get some monster figures and paint them up in very cute pastel tones.

I did this once with some Mind Flayers: the player's reactions were along the lines of
"Oooh, they're cute, ..., ARGH !"

[Oddman80]

883
As a DM, adopt Snowbluff's position that Martial Monks cannot actually take any Fighter Bonus Feats (or, at best, only those listed in the SRD, because of Martial Monk text references a list of fighter bonus feats - and no such list is actually published by WotC in their materials...

The thread is a little less fun to read now that the moderators have scrubbed the vitriol... but:

[Ferronach]

881
Give your skeletons custom templates called "spooky" and "scary."


I am a sad, sad man.

881b: have another template called meaty - "scary meaty skeleton"

[heavyfuel]

883
As a DM, adopt Snowbluff's position that Martial Monks cannot actually take any Fighter Bonus Feats (or, at best, only those listed in the SRD, because of Martial Monk text references a list of fighter bonus feats - and no such list is actually published by WotC in their materials...

The thread is a little less fun to read now that the moderators have scrubbed the vitriol... but:

Meh... It's not a position so much as the RAW of things. Even if this list existed, they would only be able to select the feats, not use them.

[Oddman80]

884

Invite ^heavyfuel to play at your table...

Seriously... is seems like some people are so focused on trying to prove how smart they are, they don't even realize how stupid they end up coming across.

Spoiler: RANT

Show

That whole may 'select' does not mean may 'use' argument is idiotic. its not clever, its not enlightened, its not an intelligent or steadfast reading of RAW - its just idiotic. People who make that argument act like the term select isn't used all over the PHB and SRD. When a druid is said to be able to select an animal companion from the various animal companion lists, nobody is going around saying that the druid can 'select' an animal companion from the list, but not 'use' that animal companion.

When an Archmage is said to be able to select a special ability from a below list as part of the High Arcana class feature, nobody is saying that the Archmage can 'select' the ability but cannot 'use' it.

nobody makes those arguments because they are idiotic... why people try to pile additional problems onto the Monk class (a class that struggles enough without all this artificial pedantry) escapes me. The Dragon Mag entry for Martial Monk is tiny. Everything that comes before and after the section:

Gain: Fighter bonus feat list to choose monk bonus feats (at 1st, 2nd, and 6th level); Intimidate as a class skill

makes it perfectly clear what the intent of the class is. For crying out loud, the opening line says:

Some monks train as soldiers rather than as ascetic mystic warriors. these martial artists have greater range of combat talents...

To argue that by RAW, Martial Monks can't get/use Fighter Bonus Feats because there is no official list, when the sample build listed in the blurb, CLEARLY has fighter bonus feats (while only having Martial Monk class levels)... its just.... just... IDIOTIC!

[Inevitability]

885 Optimize a character for the highest move speed possible. The moment the game starts, have him start running in a random direction. Never explain why, just watch people react to their party member running of at a speed no one will ever be able to equal.

886 Create a dungeon all out of gelatinous cubes covered with illusion spells. Various smaller oozes are used for things like chairs and chests.

[Oddman80]

885 Optimize a character for the highest move speed possible. The moment the game starts, have him start running in a random direction. Never explain why, just watch people react to their party member running of at a speed no one will ever be able to equal.

886 Create a dungeon all out of gelatinous cubes covered with illusion spells. Various smaller oozes are used for things like chairs and chests.

Oh... That last one is pure evil. Especially if you want until the party stops cautiously approaching things before just attacking everything... That's when the pile of extremely valuable, but delicate loot is placed in the middle of a room, with illusions cast to make it look like an ooze.

Will the party catch that this is first time an ooze has appeared that hasn't been hidden by an illusion... Or, will they just destroy the loot?

[Mystia]

881
Give your skeletons custom templates called "spooky" and "scary."


I am a sad, sad man.

881.c - Every time your players meet "spooky" and "scary" skeletons, play a certain song and make the players roll Will saves not to be spooked or scared.
Also, be sure to emphasis on how they send shivers down the PC's spines.

[heavyfuel]

884

Invite ^heavyfuel to play at your table...

Spoiler: Snip

Show

Seriously... is seems like some people are so focused on trying to prove how smart they are, they don't even realize how stupid they end up coming across.

Spoiler: RANT

Show

That whole may 'select' does not mean may 'use' argument is idiotic. its not clever, its not enlightened, its not an intelligent or steadfast reading of RAW - its just idiotic. People who make that argument act like the term select isn't used all over the PHB and SRD. When a druid is said to be able to select an animal companion from the various animal companion lists, nobody is going around saying that the druid can 'select' an animal companion from the list, but not 'use' that animal companion.

When an Archmage is said to be able to select a special ability from a below list as part of the High Arcana class feature, nobody is saying that the Archmage can 'select' the ability but cannot 'use' it.

nobody makes those arguments because they are idiotic... why people try to pile additional problems onto the Monk class (a class that struggles enough without all this artificial pedantry) escapes me. The Dragon Mag entry for Martial Monk is tiny. Everything that comes before and after the section:

makes it perfectly clear what the intent of the class is. For crying out loud, the opening line says:

To argue that by RAW, Martial Monks can't get/use Fighter Bonus Feats because there is no official list, when the sample build listed in the blurb, CLEARLY has fighter bonus feats (while only having Martial Monk class levels)... its just.... just... IDIOTIC!

Since I don't think this is place for this discussion, I'm just going to defend my position once and you will take from that what you will:

First, I'd like to apologize because I probably came of as arrogant in my previous post.

Now, I would never say that a Monk can't use his Stunning Fist simply because he only selected it. I might say that if someone asked in the RAW Q&A thread or Dysfunctional Rules thread, but never in an actual game. The reason for this is simply that, in my opinion, the RAI is pretty obvious that he can select and use them without meeting the prerequisites.

The problem doesn't even start when we put the Martial Monk into play. Despite the RAW saying that they can pick feats from the Fighter Bonus Feat list as a Monk Feat, which is understood to mean "without meeting prerequisites", it seems pretty clear that this was simply a slip from the designer and that the Martial Monk, unlike the Monk, still needs to qualify for their feats, although they can choose any FBF. This is, in my opinion, the RAI for the Martial Monk because I seriously doubt any designer would create a class that can pick Weapon Supremacy at lv 1, and if someone wants to play him at my table, I'm fine with his choice. Now, if you want to argue that "no, he can pick any feat because that's what's written". Well, now we have a problem because the RAW also says you can only choose from a non-existent list and even then you can only select them, not use them. So if you argue by RAW, you should be prepared for a RAW answer, despite both instances of RAW, the one where they can have any FBF without prereqs and the one that Monks can't use their feats, being idiotic in my version of RAI.

881.c - Every time your players meet "spooky" and "scary" skeletons, play a certain song and make the players roll Will saves not to be spooked or scared.
Also, be sure to emphasis on how they send shivers down the PC's spines.

This is awesome! Now what should be the DC? 10+1/2HD+Cha seems like a good place to start, seeing as this is the DC for Frightful Presence

[Ferronach]

881b: have another template called meaty - "scary meaty skeleton"

881b' : I know I know... But I just have to...

New templeates: "Skinny" and "Morbidly obese" - can only be applied to skeletons...
Let the party know what they are up against and then pause while the image of a "scary skinny skeleton" and a "spooky morbidly obese skeleton" carry out their surprise attack round on the party XD

[Reaper217]

How'd THAT one happen? A wish simply can't impose that many negative levels. You'd have trouble doing that with maximized empowered energy drain. (Which would deal 8+1d4 negative levels.)

Otherwise, next evil superboss I see, I just wish him down to level 1.

I got enervate up to 96 negative levels to two different targets and 48 negative levels to everyone within 30 feet of them as a 15th level wizard once.

887 DM Inflict 96 negative levels on a Zombie Wyvern
(I did that once, but I promise I had a good reason)

[Osiris]

I got enervate up to 96 negative levels to two different targets and 48 negative levels to everyone within 30 feet of them as a 15th level wizard once.

887 DM Inflict 96 negative levels on a Zombie Wyvern
(I did that once, but I promise I had a good reason)

HOW?? I need to do this, and neuter anything that isn't that epic templated tarrasque somewhere in this forum.

[Ferronach]

887 DM Inflict 96 negative levels on a Zombie Wyvern
(I did that once, but I promise I had a good reason)

Are zombies not immune to neg levels?

[lytokk]

888 Have the PC's loot a potentially valuable trophy item (dragon skull). When the PC's decide to make a helmet out of the trophy item, they then decide to roll a gather information for the best bonecrafter in town. When the PC finds said vendor, base the vendor's personality off of Benny from (the original) Total Recall, claiming he has an ever increasing number of kids to feed. When negotiations turn south, have "Benny" chase after the PC yelling things akin to "I didn't want you here anyway, you better run." When the PC turns around to fight, have Benny hide back in his shop and lock the door.

888a When the PC decides to go back to Benny to get his helmet made, and opens up the negotiation with a small amount of gold, have Benny instantly accept, telling the PC to come back in 2 days.
When the PC returns, have Benny skip town, with the trophy skull. When the PC complains about his high gather information roll finding the most dishonest criminal vendor in town, remind PC he said the best, nothing about the business being reputable. And you based the personality off of Benny from Total Recall. Seriously, why would you trust that guy?

[Ferronach]

888 Have the PC's loot a potentially valuable trophy item (dragon skull). When the PC's decide to make a helmet out of the trophy item, they then decide to roll a gather information for the best bonecrafter in town. When the PC finds said vendor, base the vendor's personality off of Benny from (the original) Total Recall, claiming he has an ever increasing number of kids to feed. When negotiations turn south, have "Benny" chase after the PC yelling things akin to "I didn't want you here anyway, you better run." When the PC turns around to fight, have Benny hide back in his shop and lock the door.

888a When the PC decides to go back to Benny to get his helmet made, and opens up the negotiation with a small amount of gold, have Benny instantly accept, telling the PC to come back in 2 days.
When the PC returns, have Benny skip town, with the trophy skull. When the PC complains about his high gather information roll finding the most dishonest criminal vendor in town, remind PC he said the best, nothing about the business being reputable. And you based the personality off of Benny from Total Recall. Seriously, why would you trust that guy?

Oh how decidedly evil of you :P - I take it that you were the DM?

[lytokk]

Oh how decidedly evil of you :P - I take it that you were the DM?

That's a big affirmative. I have no clue why he went back to the guy. Had one player laughing her ass off, apparently the only other person to see the movie. The player in question has now been rolling sense motive on every NPC who talks to him.

[razorfloss]

did they hunt him down or let him escape?

[lytokk]

did they hunt him down or let him escape?

They were going to. Until I reminded them that if they want to see him again, I will make sure it happens. I didn't want to devote a bunch of time to tracking down this guy yet. We only meet once a month and I'd just make sure it happens down the road. For some reason the last scene in True Lies came to mind with Arnie once again, and Bill Paxton. I really don't like railroading, and the whole party was down with tracking this guy, but I really didn't want to devote time to this. I let them know the meeting would happen, it's just going to be later.

[Jurai]

889: When the fighter asks for a "great sword", give him a masterwork replica of a +5 Vorpal Keen Flaming Burst Evil Outsider Bane toothpick.

[aethel27]

889A)
Make it grape colored....

[Ferronach]

889A)
Make it grape colored....

889B and mint flavored XD

[Deox]

890. As a DM, extinguish light and obscure vision for PCs. Further down a hallway, PCs can see a torch. Trap the torch.

[Ferronach]

890. As a DM, extinguish light and obscure vision for PCs. Further down a hallway, PCs can see a torch. Trap the torch.

Totally reminded me of this.

[calam]

891.Next time the party kills a red dragon look to them in horror as you reveal it was a golden dragon "Going for a new look"

892.Use the leadership feat and then sell the equipment of all your followers then make them your unpaid slaves to break the WBL

893.Next time low level players try to raid a goblin camp. Base the encampment on the Roman legions

894. (In Pathfinder) spend all your starting money on trained rats. Flood the initiative.

895. Make a diplomancer and use him to convince the quest giver that they can do it on their own. Later use diplomacy to ask to be protected from your now homicidal party.

[Ferronach]

895. Make a diplomancer and use him to convince the quest giver that they can do it on their own. Later use diplomacy to ask to be protected from your now homicidal party.

895b. when the party kill that character, make a hagglebot. Use the haggle skill to get as low a price as possible on everything useful. Buy all of it (ever potion, every wand, every scroll etc. that the merchant has. Sell items to your party members at much elevated prices..... or if feeling nice, sell at just below normal and still obliterate wbl XD or you can sell to a different merchant and haggle until he pays you incredible sums...

[Judge_Worm]

#896
Have Anti-magic fields surround the whole material realm, only allow sorcerers and wizards as pc classes. Start them at level 1 in the material plane.

[Oddman80]

#897
If DM ever accuses you of powergaming, offer to play the next campaign as a lvl1 dirt farming commoner. Use starting wealth to buy a shovel, and a cart. Write elaborate back story that is really more of a business plan, whereby you character starts offering to collect the village's waste to help clean up the town, for just a minor fee. Use the waste on an unclaimed crop of land to start making compost, which you sell back to local farmers as the best soil money can buy. Slowly grow your composting/waste management business, until you need to move to a big city, hire employees, and horses and wagons. Create franchises in neighboring towns/cities, whereby you gain loyal business partners by training homeless beggers off the street, pay for an apartment for them, and train them in the waste management/compost trade.
Become hella rich and decide with the influx of cash (minimum 8,000 gp/month on top of you mr accrued wealth) you feel like setting off on an adventure... And that's where you enter the DMs story...

What??? Your just a lvl 1 commoner.