1001+ ways to screw with your DM/Party

[Milodiah]

1047. Distract everyone else at the table with discussion of the lack of fleshed-out sleep rules while the cheater rogue guy inconspicuously nudges his miniature into sneak attack range...

[Ferronach]

1047. Distract everyone else at the table with discussion of the lack of fleshed-out sleep rules while the cheater rogue guy inconspicuously nudges his miniature into sneak attack range...

1047b: as the rogue use every and any possible chance to nudge yourself into SA range XD

[Milodiah]

1048: Build a character whose single over-arching goal is to open a bed & breakfast, and is only adventuring to procure funds and interesting conversation pieces. Begin building said bed & breakfast as soon as you're satisfied with the previous, regardless of the current status of the plot.

[Chd]

1048: Build a character whose single over-arching goal is to open a bed & breakfast, and is only adventuring to procure funds and interesting conversation pieces. Begin building said bed & breakfast as soon as you're satisfied with the previous, regardless of the current status of the plot.

1049: Create a Transmutation Mage, Learn metal to wood. Research the spell to create wood to metal.
Buy firewood, fabricate wooden weapons and armor, turn them to steel.

1050. Create a Transmutation Mage, Learn metal to wood. Research the spell to create metal to paper. Research the spell to create 'paper to metal'. Learn Craft: Origami Buy rolls of paper. Make origami weapons and armor, then cast paper to metal. Sell for profit!

[Ferronach]

1051: When your character is re-incaranted and changes race and gender, shout that you can't live this way and kill yourself asap.
as the DM: make the second re-incarnation a silly race that has no gender :P.

[enderlord99]

1052: As the DM, decide that the PCs should have to save the princess of a draconic nation from herself (meaning: send her to drug rehab); she smokes a narcotic often referred to as "the fire." Only tell the players that they need to save the princess from the fire-breathing dragon.

[LentilNinja]

1053: Play an online campaign as an Assassin. PM the DM about how you're putting poison in the waterskins of another player during the night watch. Roll the correct checks, pass, watch the player die. Keep doing this until caught.

[Ferronach]

1054: As the party roguue/assassin, break into the BBEG wizard's quarters and drug him. While he is passed out, cut his arms and legs off and cut his tongue out. laugh as he is now unable to cast the vast majority of his spells. Run away with all of his loot, magical items, gold, platinum etc. Burn his spell book and take his spell component pouch.

1055: Have a player with ranks in siege engineer. Using six catapaults launch a few hundred jars of aboleth mucus at a high level wizard. He only has so many time-stops and contingencies.... Muahahaha!

[Andezzar]

1054: As the party roguue/assassin, break into the BBEG wizard's quarters and drug him. While he is passed out, cut his arms and legs off and cut his tongue out. laugh as he is now unable to cast the vast majority of his spells. Run away with all of his loot, magical items, gold, platinum etc. Burn his spell book and take his spell component pouch.

Probably for another thread:

1056

Mindrape the rogue/assassin to think he has done the above and dominate him to do the same to his party. As if a proper wizard wasn't prepared for that trick, ha.

[Ferronach]

Probably for another thread:

1056

Mindrape the rogue/assassin to think he has done the above and dominate him to do the same to his party. As if a proper wizard wasn't prepared for that trick, ha.

You forgot the Assassin's identical twin who is identical in every way. :P

[Glue Styx]

1057. Base an entire campaign off of Game of Thrones, but only allow zombie players. First session: explain where there heading. Spend the next eternity telling them that they're almost there.

1058. Base an entire campaign off of Le Morte d'Arthur, but only allow Druid characters. Start the game off surrounded by a bunch of period-accurate Christians.

1059. Base an entire campaign off of The Hobbit, but in reverse. They must relinquish an infinite amount of gold to a dragon they resurrect, travel by barrel to their cells in Mirkwood only to be kicked out and abandoned in spider-filled woods, stay the night at Beorn's just before running into an old goblin hive and resurrecting an entire goblin civilization, passing through Rivendell, and breaking up the party after dinner in the Shire.

1060. Base an entire campaign off of The Hobbit, but not story-wise, party building wise. Let one player be an epic level wizard, one player be a mid-level Fighter, one player be a first level Commoner, and then the other dozen players must be level-one Experts.

[Glue Styx]

885 Optimize a character for the highest move speed possible. The moment the game starts, have him start running in a random direction. Never explain why, just watch people react to their party member running of at a speed no one will ever be able to equal.

I've always wanted to do something like this (the above and below).

1061. In an epic level game, come to the table with a character whose entire build has been focused on surpassing the speed of sound in one round. Argue that whenever your character does this that everyone within 150ft should get knocked prone, take 10d6 sonic damage, and be permanently deafened. And, of course, if you're feeling especially evil, neglect to tell your party members about this rule.

1062. As an epic level wizard in the above character's party, research an epic spell that let's the above character exceed the speed of light.
Now either . . .
A) Tell the character and win the campaign before it even begins with some time-travel nonsense.

Or . . .

B) Only tell the DM and gloat like all get out when the player does their shtick and finds out that they just ran into the Precambrian. Have fun xp farming when only the first multicelled organisms have evolved.

[goto124]

1061. In an epic level game, come to the table with a character whose entire build has been focused on surpassing the speed of sound in one round. Argue that whenever your character does this that everyone within 150ft should get knocked prone, take 10d6 sonic damage, and be permanently deafened.

1061b) DM: Okay, everyone includes you.

[Vhaidara]

1061b) DM: Okay, everyone includes you.

letmeallcaps
WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

[Glue Styx]

1061b) DM: Okay, everyone includes you.

I like the way you stink

[rockdeworld]

Quite on the contrary, the rules says that humans sleep.

In addition to what Andezzar posted, dysfunctionally, humans aren't humanoids by RAW - they have no monster manual entry, and nowhere states they are humanoids as far as I know. But before trying to use RAW in a game, maybe we should stop and take a deep breath.

On topic:
1062: (As a player) Play an Apostle of Peace
1063: As above, but with an addiction to casting Nonlethal Substitution Fireball
1064: ...and bad aim

[Glue Styx]

1065. As the DM, suddenly and without warning, begin responding to player statements by saying "I'm sorry, all actions must be put in the form of a question

[Vhaidara]

1065. As the DM, suddenly and without warning, begin responding to player statements by saying "I'm sorry, all actions must be put in the form of a question

1066. Following 1065, answer the questions with "No."

[enderlord99]

1066. Following 1065, answer the questions with "No."

1067. "The next time I ask permission for something stupid, what word or phrase will you use as an answer?" "Do you mind if I..."

[Inevitability]

1068. Create a Multiheaded Half-Blue dragon Half-Green dragon Half-White dragon Half-Black dragon Red Dragon. Pretend it is Tiamat.

1069. Create a Half-Blue dragon Half-Green dragon Half-White dragon Half-Black dragon Half-Red Dragon Hydra. Regenerating Tiamat!

[Ferronach]

1070: create an NPC that is critical to the story line who reposnds to any question with "That's a stupid question" and will only say something different if the players make statements as opposed to asking questions.

[IZ42]

In addition to what Andezzar posted, dysfunctionally, humans aren't humanoids by RAW - they have no monster manual entry, and nowhere states they are humanoids as far as I know. But before trying to use RAW in a game, maybe we should stop and take a deep breath.

On topic:
1062: (As a player) Play an Apostle of Peace
1063: As above, but with an addiction to casting Nonlethal Substitution Fireball
1064: ...and bad aim

The ranger favored enemy block says that humans are definitely humanoid. By RAW.

Because I'm not lazy:
1071: Negate the DM's "Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies" by having improved evasion. Proceed to roll a nat 20 on the reflex save for falling objects, and survive.

[Barbarian Horde]

Inconsistent and nonsensical rulings

[Andezzar]

The ranger favored enemy block says that humans are definitely humanoid. By RAW.

No, they say that a ranger can have humanoids with the human subtype as favored enemies. It does not say that a human (as specific creature) has the humanoid type and the human subtype. Those are not the same even thought the same word is used for both. A different example: assume the ranger has favored enemy humanoid (gnome). Unless the rules tell us that svirfneblin are humanoids with the gnome subtype, the favored enemy bonus does not apply. Exactly that classification is missing for humans.

[IZ42]

No, they say that a ranger can have humanoids with the human subtype as favored enemies. It does not say that a human (as specific creature) has the humanoid type and the human subtype. Those are not the same even thought the same word is used for both. A different example: assume the ranger has favored enemy humanoid (gnome). Unless the rules tell us that svirfneblin are humanoids with the gnome subtype, the favored enemy bonus does not apply. Exactly that classification is missing for humans.

I see what you're saying: Does THIS resolve any bit of the conflict?

[Andezzar]

I see what you're saying: Does THIS resolve any bit of the conflict?

It does indeed for Pathfinder. 3.5 has no such table.

[IZ42]

It does indeed for Pathfinder. 3.5 has no such table.

Oooooooooh. Silly me for assuming everyone was talking in pathfinder terms.

[Xalos]

Thank you to everyone who commented, contributed and viewed this thread... we are highish up on the 1st page of all-time views and all-time replies... I never even thought that this would be as popular as it is... i thought maybe it will get to 200 if im lucky.... but well past 1k im amazed... The funny thing is the OP was the 1st thing i ever posted on the site... I had no activity on the site, besides just looking at stuff... I decided this would be a fun thing to post, but it blew up faster and bigger than i had planned or even imagined... so thank you to everyone for contributing and laughing... :)

[Glue Styx]

1072. Amulet Against Chaotic Dungeon Master.
DM: "Rocks fall, you die."
PC: "I think you mean, 'Rocks fall, you die.'
DM:
PC: I thought so.

[Xalos]

1072. Amulet Against Chaotic Dungeon Master.
DM: "Rocks fall, you die."
PC: "I think you mean, 'Rocks fall, you die.'
DM:
PC: I thought so.

That sounds like an awesome item…..