Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

[Sith_Happens]

This is the most fitting thread for this (not my party sadly): http://imgur.com/gallery/6yxLL

"Consistently does half of the party's total damage."
"Gave the Barbarian a saucy pick-up line and promptly learned never to do so again."

That's a Barbarian alright.

[ZeroGear]

From a Myriad Song game:

"You have decided to drill a big hole into something."

"Going though the whole questioning montage,... [PC2] gets mugged..."

"Oh, he said 'bulbs'! I thought he said something else."

[PC4] "Do you know what is great for distracions? A GIANT DRILL!"
[PC5] "If you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail."
[PC4] "If you have a drill, everything looks like it needs to be pierced!"

DM "Do you have a weapon out?"
[PC4] "My arm is a drill, I ALWAYS have a weapon out!"

(P.s. [PC4] was a synth)

[GPuzzle]

Why am I picturing PC4 as a mix of Kamina and Simon?

[Jay R]

"Feats, don't fail me now!"

[Sith_Happens]

Why am I picturing PC4 as a mix of Kamina and Simon?

Beats me. This space intentionally left blank.

[ZeroGear]

Why am I picturing PC4 as a mix of Kamina and Simon?

I have no idea, but I can give you a better Idea of what he looked like:

Remember GutsMan from the old MegaMan cartoon? Picture that, slightly taller and more angular, with one arm thicker than the other at the shoulder and a big drill instead of a hand. give him a bit of a head decoration that looks like a scrap version of hair and you're done.
He was pretty much started out to run in and rip enemies to shreds with his drill, tanking damage along the way, while yelling: "CRIGGER SMASH!"

[Rater202]

Spark? You're not allowed anywhere near my new leg.

[Cowardly Griffo]

"I'm part of a secret society of crotchety old badasses."

[Neli42]

Pugilist, challenging Barbarian: A fight then! Not to the death, but to the non-lethal unconsciousness!

PC1: So, what's the name of the village a little to the south?
GM: It's called "That Village a Little to the South."

Player1: So, just make your dog morbidly obese and suddenly he can carry more.
Player2: Physics is crying in a corner.

[Codex]

"Oh crap, a Dolphin! We're doomed now."

"Okay, so the Gnome's being attacked by a Tinkerbell."

"Summon Monster 1 is pretty much Summon Flanking bonus."

"That thing almost ate our Monk! We are not calling it Altie!"

If anyone wants context, just PM me.

[DigoDragon]

New PC?

Was an out-of-town old friend who joined in for a couple sessions. He had great chemistry with our group.

I'm laughing really hard at this and I'm not entirely sure why.

This might actually be your best batch yet, and that includes the Shadowrun ones.

Thanks. I just don't think it'll ever be easy to top the Majestic 12. That was one of the best.
My brother found a handful of recordings from some of the Shadowrun sessions, so I should go through those and see if I missed any quotes.


Peanut Gallery: "Anyone want chapstick?"
Nicolette: "No thanks, I'm not hungry."

Nicolette: "Amaya, you're suddenly run over by 3 topless nurses in a wheelchair."
Ronnie: "Hello, not a bad way to go."
GM: "Depends what the nurses look like."
Nicolette: "Completely topless."
Ronnie: "Well, are they cute?"
Nicolette: "No, topless as in no upper torso."
Ronnie: "That's not a nurse, that's a trunk."

Alexander: "Oh, for a moment I thought we bumped into another Amaya."
Amaya: "There's not enough goth in the world to share."

Alexander: "Huh, I went up a level."
Amaya: "We all did, we just climbed the stairs."
Alexander: "No no, I went up a level after going up a level."
Ronnie: "Hello, we're only on the second floor. You should only have gone up one level."
Alexander: "I did! Only one level for going up a level."
Trigger: "That's still two levels partner."

Alexander: "Okay, I got 10 skill points to burn."
GM: "12 of them will go into your Creamy Nougat skill."
Nicolette: (Puts a Three Musketeer bar on the table) "Here's three of them."
Trigger: "That's only 3 points. 3 very light and fluffy-"
Alexander: *Yoink!*
Nicolette: "3 GONE points!"

Alexander: "My Sense Motive skill is now an ungodly 16."
Ronnie: "Ha, ironic choice of words, cleric."
Amaya: "With a 16, Alexander could know someone's sins just by looking at them."
Trigger: "Forgive me Pelor, for I hav-"
Alexander: "GUILTY!"
Trigger: "I was just gonna to ask a question."
Alexander: "That changes nothing!"

Nicolette: "That's a great gag gift idea! A claymore that opens up to reveal a medical kit!"
Party: *Stares at Nicolette*
Amaya: "You're a sick, sad woman Nicolette."

GM: "I like how your first line was 'You find a beached manatee on the whale'."

MOAR Quotes~

Spoiler

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Alexander: "Why do you think they're called Humpback Whales?"

Amaya: "What's in the terrace?"
GM: "The terrace has several plants, gardening tools, two Jersey Devils, and two now broken glass windows leading outside. Everyone roll initiative."
Alexander: "By the grace of Pelor, my initiative bonus went up by 1 so my total roll is... 3."

GM: "Amaya, your initiative?"
Amay: "17. It's an average roll for me."
GM: "Right now you're the fastest character. You even beat Trigger who's got a bigger bonus than the Jersey Devils do."
Amaya: *Deadpan* "Yay... faster than the gun bunny."
Nicolette: "My total is a 19."
Amaya: "Damn, beaten out by the Jiggling Juggernaut."

Erik: Jiggling Juggernaut?
Amaya: "Nicolette is 6 feet tall and about 270ish pounds. She's a large woman."
Aries: "If she was a real person she wouldn't jiggle, she'd ooze. I'm that good of a cook."
Amaya: "...Um, okay?"

GM: "The Jersey Devil's turn is spent breaking in through the glass window. Nicolette's turn."
Nicolette: "Okay, first I-"
GM: "Lose your turn. Next!"
Nicolette: "I flick the devil off and then flash it."
GM: "It loses its turn."
Alexander: "Me too."

Alexander: "I figured that would grab a bunch of Dersey Jevils- wait, no."

Amaya: "I open the door."
GM: "As you open it, you hear a shotgun 'ka-chink' sound."
Amaya: "I duck to the side and mouth to the others: 'Crazy shotgun cult guy!'"
Alexander: *Gets low to the ground with his Ruger*
Nicolette: "This is the FBI! Put down your gun and come out with your hands up!"
Cultist: "I don't think so."
Nicolette: "Let's calm down, we just want to talk to you."
Cultist: "I'll only talk to the young girl Amaya there."
Amaya: "Me? I don't even know these cult members, why do they want to keep talking to me?"
Ronnie: "Hello, I think you're the lovable one."
Trigger: "Lovable like a cactus pillow."

Amaya: *Throws a lit road flare into the room with the armed cult member* "Fire in the hole!!"
Cultist: *Dives and locks himself in the bathroom*
Amaya: "Ha, it worked."
Ronnie, Nicolette, & Trigger: *Storms the room and barricades the bathroom door*
Cultist: "Wait... %$^#%@&#!!"
Ronnie: "Hello, nothing you can do in there now, stupid."
Cultist: *Blasts holes in the bathroom door with his shotgun*

GM: "The closet has a bag of dog food. Someone crossed out the word 'dog' and wrote in 'Jersey Devil'."
Alexander: "Devil chow?"
Amaya: "Sure, why not."
Nicolette: "Great, a Jersey Devil spots us so we distract it by throwing a bag of Devil chow. The 22 pound bag will cave in its head nicely."

Nicolette: "Remember, this banana will be the difference between starring in Tony Hawk or starring in Jackass."

Ronnie: *Pulls on his gold chain, gets a replacement clean suit unfolded over him*
Trigger: "I thought you weren't magical."
Ronnie: "Hello, got this over at K-Mart."

[Necroticplague]

Kreig:Wait, so the new boss is whoever managed to kill the last one?
Ork:dats do long an' short of' it.
Kreig: That sounds open to abuse.
Ork:it means dat whoeva has da might or da guile tah leed us does so.
Kreig:Hmmm...Hey, can I borrow you Choppa for a sec, this macraggeii's been tough to crack.
*Chucks it at the current Cheif hard enough to one-shot him*
Kreig:Now that I'm the cheif, open my freaking beer. I have wars to make.

[Cowardly Griffo]

Kreig:Now that I'm the cheif, open my freaking beer. I have wars to make.

Wait, did he just seize control of an Ork horde without actually being an Ork? But only some kind of tactical genius could...

KREEEEEIIIIGGGG!

[Sith_Happens]

Alexander: "Huh, I went up a level."
Amaya: "We all did, we just climbed the stairs."
Alexander: "No no, I went up a level after going up a level."
Ronnie: "Hello, we're only on the second floor. You should only have gone up one level."
Alexander: "I did! Only one level for going up a level."
Trigger: "That's still two levels partner."

Wow, never thought I'd see that gag again.

Nicolette: "That's a great gag gift idea! A claymore that opens up to reveal a medical kit!"
Party: *Stares at Nicolette*
Amaya: "You're a sick, sad woman Nicolette."

Even better gag gift: A claymore that opens up to reveal a medical kit... and then explodes.

(Oh yeah, I've been meaning to ask, who does "Peanut Gallery" represent?)

Wait, did he just seize control of an Ork horde without actually being an Ork? But only some kind of tactical genius could...

KREEEEEIIIIGGGG!

Thread. Done.

[Marnath]

(Oh yeah, I've been meaning to ask, who does "Peanut Gallery" represent?)

Housemates who don't actually play with them, maybe?

[DigoDragon]

Wow, never thought I'd see that gag again.

I honestly forgot we even did that one. I don't remember anyone in that group reading OotS besides myself.

Even better gag gift: A claymore that opens up to reveal a medical kit... and then explodes.

I think I would go sulk in a corner if that became a thing.

(Oh yeah, I've been meaning to ask, who does "Peanut Gallery" represent?)

Housemates who don't actually play with them, maybe?

Marnath is pretty much correct. Peanut Gallery represents the occasional friend who was there, but wasn't actively participating in the game.

[DigoDragon]

Amaya: *Rolling a single d8 for no reason*
d8: 3
d8: 2
d8: 1
Amaya: "At what point does randomness come in?"
Nicolette: "I think your die is counting down to self-destruct."

GM: "Would you all like EXP?"
PCs: "Yaaay!"
GM: "Well that's too damn bad."
PCs: "Noooooo..." D:

Ronnie: "Hello, not stupid. I'm riding the Short Bus by choice."

Nicolette: "That's what I need! A flare gun that's belt fed!"
Alexander: "And why would you need that?"
Nicolette: "You never know when it would come in handy!"
Alexander: "Not even in Russia, comrade."

Nicolette: "The gun bunny can take the second devil."
Amaya: "Guns in melee cause attacks of opportunity. Maybe she can kick or rabbit punch... I did not intend that pun."

GM: "Alexander's turn."
Alexander: "Okay, both Nicolette and Ronnie are hurt so-"
GM: "Lost turn due to your visa expiring."
Alexander: "...okay, I can believe that."

Alexander: "Nicolette, accept this healing from the grace of Pelor!"
Nicolette: *Gets healed for +9 hit points*
Ronnie: "What, no vodka? And why is she smoking?"

Ronnie: "Hello, fiery vacuous death. Do Not Want."

MOAR~

Spoiler

Show

Amaya: *Casts burning hands at the meat golem*
Meat Golem: *Takes bonus damage as it cooks*
Amaya: "Huh, this thing is vulnerable to fire."
Meat Golem: "GRRAWRR!" *Now it's on fire and tries to body-slam into Amaya*
Amaya: "Help! I'm about to be hugged by a burger patty!"
Nicolette: "You know, that belt-fed flare gun would come in handy about now!"
Alexander: "Shut up!"

Nicolette: "Okay, so Alexander said he's dragging Onnie back, minus the J in his name."
GM: "The J that Ronnie never had?"

GM: "Nicolette, roll me a Reflex save."
Nicolette: (Chanting at her dice) "Roll a 1! Roll a 1!"
d20 die: *Rolls a 1*
Amaya: "Seriously?" ¬.¬
Nicolette: "Woohoo!" :D

Ronnie: "Hello, you got sucked up a vent duct and popped out of a pillow. The fact that these cultists cut out out the middle man and made it so that you don't need LSD to trip on this place really pisses me off."

Amaya: *Opens the door*
GM: "This room is full of coffins."
Amaya: *Closes the door*
Nicolette: "You don't want to check in there? I thought you liked morbid things."
Amaya: "In the normal happy world, sure. In F'ed-Up Screwy world? No."

Nicolette: "It seems this is a puzzle involving Shakespeare plays. Amaya, you're the smart one."
Amaya: "Recall that I flunked out of high school."
Nicolette: "Yeah, but these stories all involve murder, incest, betrayal, and dark magic. That describes you to a T!"
Amaya: "I sense some murdering coming on about now."

Ronnie: "Hey, King Lear. Haven't read that one in ages. You know, the one about the king with the three daughters. Two were just ass kissers, but one never spoke and truely loved her papa. Heh, Here's a good one, MacBeth. Man, I love the castle guard and his rambling about alcohol and it's usefulness..."
Party: *Stares at Ronnie in bewilderment*
Ronnie: "What? Come on now. Murder, incenst, betrayal, and dark magic. What kid growing up in public schools hasn't heard of those concepts?"

[GorinichSerpant]

[Quote/]
Ronnie: "Hey, King Lear. Haven't read that one in ages. You know, the one about the king with the three daughters. Two were just ass kissers, but one never spoke and truely loved her papa. Heh, Here's a good one, MacBeth. Man, I love the castle guard and his rambling about alcohol and it's usefulness..."
Party: *Stares at Ronnie in bewilderment*
Ronnie: "What? Come on now. Murder, incenst, betrayal, and dark magic. What kid growing up in public schools hasn't heard of those concepts?"
[/QUOTE]

I'm starting to feel that me and Ronnie share a particular mindset on a certain level, the more I think about it, the more we're similar. Even thought I don't know what he is talking about, but the ramblings of a supporting character(s) are usually my favorite parts in Shakespeare plays.

This of course means that after a dramatic story there will be a plot twist where Ronnie and Gorinich turn out to be the same person.

[D.KnightSpider]

Lisa: "I need to build a church so that I can get a bookie."

--

Ray: "Good evening, gentlemen pirates. May I interest you in some fine elvish crockery? If you order in the next sixty seconds, I'll throw in a set of Ginzu-Steak-Knives-to-the-face!!"

--

Lisa: "I don't care how old he is. That fisherman has the overdue library book. He's. Mine."

--

Ray: "Did... did you just pull a minigun out of a miniskirt?"

[Kid Jake]

These aren't from my usual group but from a new Pathfinder campaign I started tonight:

"I don't think that unicorn is going to let us leave here alive regardless of what we do."

Crazy PC: "What's that, in the river?"
Sheriff: "What? I can't see anything."
Crazy PC: *draws his bastard sword and raises it over his head*
Saner PC: *shakes his head frantically and makes the 'not here' motion* "You need to get your eyes CHECKED."
Crazy PC: *lowers sword confused*

Crazy PC: "I push the Sheriff into the spiders!"
*rolls terribly to trip*
Sheriff: "The hell are you doing?"
Crazy PC: "Watch out, you nearly fell into some spiders!"

[Balmas]

"If we get him enough cursed items, can we turn him into a mech?"
"Maybe."


"You see a baby dragon."
"I claim the baby dragon! I shall take him, and I shall name him Gavin."
"Along with the crossbow?"
"It's a very confusing relationship."

[Sith_Happens]

Lisa: "I need to build a church so that I can get a bookie."

You know you're an Orzhov when...

These aren't from my usual group but from a new Pathfinder campaign I started tonight:

"I don't think that unicorn is going to let us leave here alive regardless of what we do."

Crazy PC: "What's that, in the river?"
Sheriff: "What? I can't see anything."
Crazy PC: *draws his bastard sword and raises it over his head*
Saner PC: *shakes his head frantically and makes the 'not here' motion* "You need to get your eyes CHECKED."
Crazy PC: *lowers sword confused*

Crazy PC: "I push the Sheriff into the spiders!"
*rolls terribly to trip*
Sheriff: "The hell are you doing?"
Crazy PC: "Watch out, you nearly fell into some spiders!"

I don't know, it sounds an awful lot to me like you started a Pathfinder campaign with your usual group.

[Cowardly Griffo]

Vampire PC: "I don't feel like going out to eat. Let's just stay in and order a pizza guy."

GM: "So... your letter basically reads 'sorry about your son getting shot in the face with a shotgun, boy those humans sure are dangerous huh, how about we team up?'"
Sonja: "Yeah, but it's written in a friendly tone."
GM: "Pinning the letter to their fridge after breaking in and stealing their serial killer map does not a friendly tone make."
Richard: "Also, we're signing it 'Love, the Ma'atley Krewe.'"
GM: "That doesn't help."

<Table Chatter:> So we just have to tag the pigeon's DNA with a genetic marker before we send it back in time. Then we can do genetic tests on the city's pigeon population today, and we'll know if this is an actual time window or just an elaborate hoax.
GM: Yes, that seems like the simplest solution.

GM: Guys, no, you cannot use time travel to become an NPC's grandfather retroactively.
PC 1: What about proactively?

[Rater202]

These are from a Play by Post here on the forums
Part 1 of 2

Hey! Hey! Everyone. Listen. Check thes out: What if we thake the paper on th' walls...and th-th-ssss...sthuff the holes with, um, the paper? Or...other sthuff.

"I love you guys. You're all my best friends."[/QUOTE]

You're warm. And soft.

Oh my gosh, my hoof is huge!

Aww, whadya do that for? The semi-coherent Adepha complains to Spark, seeing her big shiny delicious glowy-thingy suddenly drain empty.

Hey, quit foolin' around...hey! Adepha waves to Sabina. Sabina, ya never told me ya had a twin! By the queen she's so fluffy! Adepha flies over, attempting to hug Sabina, somehow managing to pick the right one from the doubles she is seeing.

"My... twin?" "D-Did I... miss something?"

Guys! The Room is spinning!

Yer right Gear, she is soft. An' warm. Wait, room spinnin'? Grab my hoof Gear! The room isn't spinning over here! Heheh, that rhymes.

Um, are they ok?"

"You mean in general or just right now?"

[Rater202]

Part 2 of 2

Naah. Yer warm. Yer like an, uh, big, walkin' E-Rock. Except better. Ya know why? 'cuz yer mah best friend.

Yer my best friend too Adepha. Y'all er. every last one of you guys is the best friend I ever had. Better than Silver Dagger. Guy sold out his siblings-his blood, and ponies that were my friends, to get out of the empire, only for the thugs to go back and take him to the mines anyway. Heard they worked that backstabbing bastard to death. Good riddance. But still, poor Golden...


But know. You guys ain't nothink like him. Y'all are good friends.. I love you guys. You guys are awesome, and I love all of ya.


Love ya guys. Love ya....

Guys! My hoof is made of metal!

Wait, I knew that already. *Yawn* why am I tired now? What just happened, and why am I craving hay-tacos?

Cystals! Coming out of the Walls.

Oh by the heart, nopony tell mother.

Spoiler: Context

Show

A Trap does all of us with Hallucinogens.

With the Exception of Sabina, we were all tripping

[Ninjaxenomorph]

"It's a move action to flip them off."

[bulbaquil]

P2: "We have [former villain NPCs] in the party! Why *wouldn't* there be sarcastic jabs?"

GM: "Why did you buy a headband of alluring charisma +6 for yourself? No, for your bird?"

P4: [imitating Sonic] "You're too slow!"
P3: "We're fighting a quickling, so yeah, I am too slow."

P2: "I DON'T GET FAKE DYSENTERY!"

P3: "13 plus 11 plus 2 for cold terrain... do I catch anything?"
P2: "In six seconds of fishing!?"

[Lakaz]

"So wait, have i been healed yet or what?"
"Yeah, Irak got a friend in who was a specialist in Magical Lung Healing(Tm)"

"You sat on the baby again"

"Hey, it's not my fault. You just have this aura about you, it's... it's practically palpable. It just makes anybody near you want to shoot you in the face"

"STOP IN THE NAME OF THE FROG PATROL!"

[Neli42]

So, I had the opportunity to observe a Pathfinder campaign my son has been GM-ing for over a year now for the first time. One from them for you today:

Spoiler: PG language

Show

PC1: Attempt to seduce backpack.
GM: Really? The backpack?
PC1: Yes. Attempt to seduce the backpack.
GM: Fine. You attempt to seduce the backpack.
PC1: [rolls a 20]
GM: The backpack sprouts a vagina.

[Cowardly Griffo]

Rio Grande: I fall through the skylight, covered in feral cats.
GM: No you don't.
Rio Grande: Okay.

GM: You block the giant squid with your bulletproof bishie sparkles.