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  1. - Top - End - #1471
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    On Bandana: I'm pretty sure that before long, the shipping will be stronger than the hating.

    Quote Originally Posted by Heliomance View Post
    Mrr. Was volunteering in the charity shop today, and there were a bunch of kids, and now suddenly I'm feeling broody. I want to find a girlfriend, I want to settle down, I want kids. I don't see any of this happening any time soon.
    I understand that feeling.

    *hug*

    Quote Originally Posted by Ravens_cry View Post
    Went to a local LGBTAI+ group picnic and shaved my legs and wore fem clothes.
    It was quite nice. I had a lovely chat with a transitioned women.
    A friend, when she's feeling better, is taking me makeup shopping soonish, which will be awesome.
    Yay I hope the makeup thing goes well!
    Ash nazg durbatulūk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulūk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.

  2. - Top - End - #1472
    Titan in the Playground
     
    golentan's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Hey, I have a question for people. Do you differentiate between romance and friendship?

    For me, it seems like romance is just a really intense friendship. I like having friends around, I actively seek out the company of people I am romantically interested in. I feel comfortable enough to wear casual clothes and hug friends, I feel comfortable enough with romantic partners to be naked or have sex. All of these things are things I would do with a friend with a sufficiently strong bond of trust and affection, at which point I usually call it romantic interest. It feels qualitatively different, but it's a difference of quality rather than nature: Friendship feels good, romance feels better.

    Edit: Also posting this in the Questions Thread.
    Last edited by golentan; 2014-07-28 at 12:55 AM.
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    My motto: Repensum Est Canicula.

    Quote Originally Posted by turkishproverb View Post
    I am not getting into a shootout with Golentan. Too many gun-arms.
    Leiningen will win, even if he must lose in the attempt.

    Credit to Astrella for the new party avatar.

  3. - Top - End - #1473
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Lanaya's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    I feel a very clear distinction between the two, though I'm having a hard time putting it into words exactly what the qualitative difference is. The physical aspect of it is the most obvious and easiest to explain; there is just no way that any desire for physical contact could ever come from even the deepest friendship, while even the mildest crush makes me want to get all hand-holdy. Other aspects are tricker and more nebulous, but there are a lot of romancey feelings I get that I don't get to any degree from friends. Maybe if I was really close with a friend I think they're an amazing and interesting person to the same degree as I would think that of a girlfriend, but even at the same intensity it would feel different. And the drive to be around someone all the time and share my life with them just doesn't exist with friends. I enjoy their presence, but I don't obsess over them no matter how strong that friendship may be.

    Bah. Explaining emotions is tricky, there aren't any proper words for any of it. I hope that made some amount of sense, anyway.

  4. - Top - End - #1474
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ElfMonkGuy

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    So, uh, hi there. Pansexual cis male here. I've been lurking this thread here for a while, intending on hopping in on the conversation at some point, but it seems something has come up that will necessitate my involvement now. Namely, I am planning on leaving my (abusive) home for Fort Wayne, Indiana, where me and my girlfriend have been able to make arrangements. The point of this is, does anyone have anything that may help an LGBT youth who may very well be homeless if things go south? Any possible resources would be greatly appreciated.

  5. - Top - End - #1475
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lanaya View Post
    The physical aspect of it is the most obvious and easiest to explain; there is just no way that any desire for physical contact could ever come from even the deepest friendship, while even the mildest crush makes me want to get all hand-holdy.
    That's interesting. I definitely want to hug friends, including friends of a gender I m not attracted to. This desire for contact and intimacy, for me, is not linked to romance, and can appear with family members as well (and pets, for instance, who aren't on the same level at all). Yet I would not want to hug a complete stranger (while some people may have no issues with doing so).
    Last edited by Lissou; 2014-07-28 at 02:43 AM.

  6. - Top - End - #1476
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    Hey, I have a question for people. Do you differentiate between romance and friendship?

    For me, it seems like romance is just a really intense friendship. I like having friends around, I actively seek out the company of people I am romantically interested in. I feel comfortable enough to wear casual clothes and hug friends, I feel comfortable enough with romantic partners to be naked or have sex. All of these things are things I would do with a friend with a sufficiently strong bond of trust and affection, at which point I usually call it romantic interest. It feels qualitatively different, but it's a difference of quality rather than nature: Friendship feels good, romance feels better.

    Edit: Also posting this in the Questions Thread.
    Yes, but only arbitrarily and because I've been told to all my life. There's a divide that consists entirely of "society thinks it's okay to play on this side of the friend/flirt divide so I don't feel wiggy thinking about it". I've always been too close to my friends and treat minor squabbles the same a I treat break ups. My understanding of romance consisted of ten years of mental exercises (playig make-believe) and then HORMONES AAAAAAH, so my basic understanding is that romance is when you go to a friend and say "hey we should do more than friend stuff, what say?" With a thin veneer of "I suddenly want to four-asterisk the other-four-asterisk out of something for about ten seconds" that I really really wish would just freakin' go away.

    Quote Originally Posted by mythmonster2 View Post
    So, uh, hi there. Pansexual cis male here. I've been lurking this thread here for a while, intending on hopping in on the conversation at some point, but it seems something has come up that will necessitate my involvement now. Namely, I am planning on leaving my (abusive) home for Fort Wayne, Indiana, where me and my girlfriend have been able to make arrangements. The point of this is, does anyone have anything that may help an LGBT youth who may very well be homeless if things go south? Any possible resources would be greatly appreciated.
    Not yet, love, but I'll keep you in mind. Have you looked into local support networks? Social media for the area?

  7. - Top - End - #1477
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    http://www.theguardian.com/society/2...nt-home-sweden

    Getting old is not always a bad thing. =3

  8. - Top - End - #1478
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lissou View Post
    That's interesting. I definitely want to hug friends, including friends of a gender I m not attracted to. This desire for contact and intimacy, for me, is not linked to romance, and can appear with family members as well (and pets, for instance, who aren't on the same level at all). Yet I would not want to hug a complete stranger (while some people may have no issues with doing so).
    Oh, I absolutely hug pets. Particularly my cat, because he's just the cutest little furball I ever did see, even if he is mildly evil. I just don't get anything out of hugging humans. You put your arms around them and they do the same to you, then at some point arms are removed and I'm left wondering what anyone gained out of the exercise. Unless it's with someone who I'm romantically interested in, in which case I just melt into their arms and want to squeeze them as tight as possible and whisper sweet nothings into their ear and for some odd reason I just started feeling really lonely. But yeah, I'm probably a bit of an oddity in that regard. I've never been able to get that close to platonic friends.
    Last edited by Lanaya; 2014-07-28 at 03:00 AM.

  9. - Top - End - #1479
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Song?
    Iron Maiden, from the album Powerslave.
    I've also been told that I appear "perma-stoned" so I guess I'm an Ace High.

    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    Hey, I have a question for people. Do you differentiate between romance and friendship?

    For me, it seems like romance is just a really intense friendship. I like having friends around, I actively seek out the company of people I am romantically interested in. I feel comfortable enough to wear casual clothes and hug friends, I feel comfortable enough with romantic partners to be naked or have sex. All of these things are things I would do with a friend with a sufficiently strong bond of trust and affection, at which point I usually call it romantic interest. It feels qualitatively different, but it's a difference of quality rather than nature: Friendship feels good, romance feels better.

    Edit: Also posting this in the Questions Thread.
    Yeah, this came up on AVEN at some point. They feel different to me but I don't know how to explain it. Romantic attraction is like an added thing on top of friendship, but it's a different added thing, not just more friendship. I also have a highly limited sample to work from here, which might not be helping much.

    Quote Originally Posted by mythmonster2 View Post
    So, uh, hi there. Pansexual cis male here. I've been lurking this thread here for a while, intending on hopping in on the conversation at some point, but it seems something has come up that will necessitate my involvement now. Namely, I am planning on leaving my (abusive) home for Fort Wayne, Indiana, where me and my girlfriend have been able to make arrangements. The point of this is, does anyone have anything that may help an LGBT youth who may very well be homeless if things go south? Any possible resources would be greatly appreciated.
    Hey there. I'm way up in New York so I can't offer any help, but good luck.

    ------------

    Edit: Oh yeah, I was gonna share some semi-relevant stuff from my weekend.

    So on Friday I went to an orthopedist. I've had chronic tendonitis in my left flexor carpi ulnaris for years, and my mum decided I needed to see somebody again. Turns out I've had a slowly-growing cyst in my triquetrum. Guess it was too small to show up last time I saw somebody like five years ago? Anyway, fun stuff. Check it out, there's a hole in my triquetrum.
    Spoiler: x-ray
    Show

    Anyway, the relevant part of the visit was in filling out the intake forms for the new doctor's office. I got down to sexual history and it asked whether I were attracted to men, women, or both. I wrote in another box "none" and checked that off. Last time I did one of these I had to select "lesbian" from their drop-down menu (computerised intake forms) because it wasn't believable and I figured they'd have to ask about it. And another time I got one with a Kinsey scale on it. I had to write in √(-1) because I don't fall on the Kinsey scale (and they didn't have an X option anyway).

    Then I met up with some friends up in Massachusetts. At a frozen yogurt place after dinner, there was a flyer saying "parties at [store name]" with "parties" in a fancy cursive font. I had the following exchange with a female friend.
    Friend: "Oh, parties. I thought that said panties."
    Me: "Huh, I thought it said pastries."
    Friend: "Well, I guess that shows where our minds are."
    Last edited by noparlpf; 2014-07-28 at 06:22 AM.
    Jude P.

  10. - Top - End - #1480
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Graustein's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    Hey, I have a question for people. Do you differentiate between romance and friendship?

    For me, it seems like romance is just a really intense friendship. I like having friends around, I actively seek out the company of people I am romantically interested in. I feel comfortable enough to wear casual clothes and hug friends, I feel comfortable enough with romantic partners to be naked or have sex. All of these things are things I would do with a friend with a sufficiently strong bond of trust and affection, at which point I usually call it romantic interest. It feels qualitatively different, but it's a difference of quality rather than nature: Friendship feels good, romance feels better.

    Edit: Also posting this in the Questions Thread.
    For me, romance is linked up with sexual attraction, and that's the difference, kinda. I can get extremely close with people I have no sexual chemistry with (in fact I have a major talent for clicking intensely and becoming very close friends with people who're in monogamous relationships, it's weird), and that closeness definitely includes physical touching (I'm a very tactile person in general), hugging, hand-holding, arm-linking, kissing on the cheek, changing in front of each other, all of it. All of that's dependent on how comfortable the other is, of course, but I am in general extremely affectionate to people I'm comfortable with.

    On the other hand, even though I can develop a sexual interest in someone I'm not close to, I never really act on it because I don't feel comfortable in that situation. Not with someone I intend to ever see again, at least. And I guess that's where romance would come in, that perfect storm of availability, mutual attraction and close friendship and being comfortable with them.

    But it's really, really different for lots of different people and I doubt there's an objective approach to it. I know people who're asexual, aromantic, poly, mono, pan, bi, all of it, in many diverse combinations. It may be the kind of thing that's uniquely individual

  11. - Top - End - #1481
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    Sobol's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Quote Originally Posted by Enrico Dandolo View Post
    On Bandana: I'm pretty sure that before long, the shipping will be stronger than the hating.
    Hmm... Bandana / Hel? :)

  12. - Top - End - #1482
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    SiuiS's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Speaking of shipping, have any of you folks ever watched the new cgi Tinkerbelle movies? There's some adult undercurrents there, like woah. Silver Mist totally has the hots for Tink. I wonder if there is fanfic of that? If not I may have to write some.

  13. - Top - End - #1483
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    golentan's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Quote Originally Posted by SiuiS View Post
    Speaking of shipping, have any of you folks ever watched the new cgi Tinkerbelle movies? There's some adult undercurrents there, like woah. Silver Mist totally has the hots for Tink. I wonder if there is fanfic of that? If not I may have to write some.
    Huh. I would have thought your sprog was too young for most movies yet. How obvious is this subtext? And did they have to make the gay people fairies?
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    My motto: Repensum Est Canicula.

    Quote Originally Posted by turkishproverb View Post
    I am not getting into a shootout with Golentan. Too many gun-arms.
    Leiningen will win, even if he must lose in the attempt.

    Credit to Astrella for the new party avatar.

  14. - Top - End - #1484
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Quote Originally Posted by The Succubus View Post
    Well, there's 52 cards in a deck of cards, not counting the jokers, so how about LGBTAI 52: Aces High!
    That's an awesome title.

    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    Hey, I have a question for people. Do you differentiate between romance and friendship?

    For me, it seems like romance is just a really intense friendship. I like having friends around, I actively seek out the company of people I am romantically interested in. I feel comfortable enough to wear casual clothes and hug friends, I feel comfortable enough with romantic partners to be naked or have sex. All of these things are things I would do with a friend with a sufficiently strong bond of trust and affection, at which point I usually call it romantic interest. It feels qualitatively different, but it's a difference of quality rather than nature: Friendship feels good, romance feels better.

    Edit: Also posting this in the Questions Thread.
    For a moment there, I was thinking I had multiples of the same thread open and kept closing it to open the other to find I'm an idiot.

    So, other people have said most of what I feel as well. Romantic feelings has that something slightly different, though the two blur and get jumbled together when there's both there for me. I've never had very successful relationships without very solid of both really, though my sample size is incredibly small.

    As for how sexual feelings factor in, absolutely no idea.

    Oh, also, as for the statement it varies widely for everyone, I agree with that 100%.
    /As an aside, if we were all the same then the world would be less interesting, I think/
    I go by they/them/their or he/him/his pronouns

  15. - Top - End - #1485
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Athedia's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Romance is different from friendship because there is a different form of vulnerability in it. With friends you share and have some physical contact but there is an understanding of lines that must never be crossed. With romance those lines still exist but they are allowed to be questioned and discussed and they are also further in the distance and take more effort to cross.
    Moved my stuff over to HERE!

  16. - Top - End - #1486
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Quote Originally Posted by Enrico Dandolo View Post
    Yay I hope the makeup thing goes well!
    Me too!
    Quote Originally Posted by Calanon View Post
    Raven_Cry's comments often have the effects of a +5 Tome of Understanding

  17. - Top - End - #1487
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    I have absolutely no idea what the difference is. I think that romance is just friendship+, as all of my close friends I would be fairly happy to date. Maybe that's me being picky with friends, or the fact that my romantic preference is 'people I like'.

    (It doesn't help that I cheerfully share porn with my friends.)
    Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
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    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  18. - Top - End - #1488
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lix Lorn View Post
    (It doesn't help that I cheerfully share porn with my friends.)
    No Lixie, I think that does help. :P

  19. - Top - End - #1489
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Hmm, not much experience, I admit, but I think, while a good romance that is meant to last and mean something to both parties beyond 'Let's make our bodies feel good together' should be based on a per-existing friendship, I think there is more to it then just a friendship that's really strong.
    Quote Originally Posted by Calanon View Post
    Raven_Cry's comments often have the effects of a +5 Tome of Understanding

  20. - Top - End - #1490
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    golentan's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lix Lorn View Post
    (It doesn't help that I cheerfully share porn with my friends.)
    Hey lix, we're friends right?
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    My motto: Repensum Est Canicula.

    Quote Originally Posted by turkishproverb View Post
    I am not getting into a shootout with Golentan. Too many gun-arms.
    Leiningen will win, even if he must lose in the attempt.

    Credit to Astrella for the new party avatar.

  21. - Top - End - #1491
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    noparlpf's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

    Yo, I made the new thread.
    Jude P.

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