Iron Poet XX

[The Extinguisher]

@Garwain

Spoiler

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Thank you, first of all :D

I actually think the title is a very important part of a poem. You're right it does guide expectations, but I don't think at the cost of "explaining" the piece.

I dunno. A lot of poets I know don't see titles in the same light. Probably a personal thing.

[Garwain]

Spoiler: @The Extinguisher

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I actually think the title is a very important part of a poem. You're right it does guide expectations, but I don't think at the cost of "explaining" the piece.

I dunno. A lot of poets I know don't see titles in the same light. Probably a personal thing.

Whether or not to title a work of art is a topic of discussion I've taken interest in lately. On one hand it can help reader/viewers to search for all the different aspects that you as a creator wanted to express. On the other hand, this narrows down the possible interpretations. But I believe that in the end, the reader/viewer will anyway make from it what they want / can relate to / fits in their word. Therefore I was glad that you decided to title the poem, something to many authors unnecessarily shy away from. If it is done right, it can add something to a poem. However if the poem is unsubstantial to begin with, a title will drag it down even further, because it *needed* the different interpretation. (PS: yours definitely wasn't in that case )

[PhoeKun]

Spoiler: @The Extinguisher

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Whether or not to title a work of art is a topic of discussion I've taken interest in lately. On one hand it can help reader/viewers to search for all the different aspects that you as a creator wanted to express. On the other hand, this narrows down the possible interpretations. But I believe that in the end, the reader/viewer will anyway make from it what they want / can relate to / fits in their word. Therefore I was glad that you decided to title the poem, something to many authors unnecessarily shy away from. If it is done right, it can add something to a poem. However if the poem is unsubstantial to begin with, a title will drag it down even further, because it *needed* the different interpretation. (PS: yours definitely wasn't in that case )

Spoiler: It's An Interesting Topic

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Titles are as open to interpretation as the poems they headline. They're a living, breathing part of the work and even though they don't always show up in people's works, it's silly in my mind to talk about them like they're a separate decision. Like, the choice to not have one informs a reader just as much as the inclusion of one; I don't think there's any significant change in reader/author interaction by adding a few more words to the top. Unless the words are chosen well, in which case...

Basically, see the last bit of your comment here. Titles highlight and magnify whatever is there. If the poem's good, the title makes it better. If the poem's sloppy and unfocused, the title calls attention to it and the poem suffers for it. And so on and so forth down the line, accounting for the care and skill that went into the title itself. Double basically I don't see a downside, but it's an interesting concern. Lot of people get really tripped up on either end of the argument about how much control if any an author can or should exert over their readers. Who gets to be upset when a poem is "misinterpreted"? Iono either!

[Duck999]

Has anyone been poked? I don't want to go PMing people if someone else already did...

[Dr Bwaa]

I planned to get judgments done this weekend, but I've been sick. I'll get them up by mid-week. :)

[CWater]

I planned to get judgments done this weekend, but I've been sick. I'll get them up by mid-week. :)

Kinda similiar story here. I'll try to get them done soon too. ^^'

[Vaynor]

Let's get those judgments in, guys!

[CWater]

Sorry, been swamped with work and studying for exams. Don't think I can get the judgements up before Sunday.

[Duck999]

I planned to get judgments done this weekend, but I've been sick. I'll get them up by mid-week. :)

Sorry, been swamped with work and studying for exams. Don't think I can get the judgements up before Sunday.

*Peeks around corner into thread*
Not complaining, but just wondering if you guys have an idea when they will be up now.

Edit: Trust me, I understand being swamped and/or too busy with other stuff.

[CWater]

*Peeks around corner into thread*
Not complaining, but just wondering if you guys have an idea when they will be up now.

Edit: Trust me, I understand being swamped and/or too busy with other stuff.

To be honest, it looks kind of bad right now. I've got two big exams at the end of the week, and still too much to study. I have almost no free time until they're over. Maybe if I need a breather, but unless you want to wait I might have to skip judging this round. (Which is kind of a shame, since there are some really nice poems.)

I'm sorry I said I could get them done earlier, I didn't think I'd be this short on time, but some other stuff came up and ate the little free time I had in the weekend. :(

[Dr Bwaa]

I'll have mine up today.

[Vaynor]

Thanks, Dr Bwaa!

[Dr Bwaa]

Finally!

Dallas-Dakota vs. FinnLassie: Suspense, Grubby

Spoiler: Dallas-Dakota

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I'll be honest; I don't really see "grubby" in here. Certainly a lot of other negativity (and suspense), but nothing that brings to mind the griminess or juvenile filth that "grubby" implies. It's a theme that's easy to hit in a restaurant, and I kept waiting for it to appear, but it never did (though you get bonus suspense points for that!)

The shifting rhyme and rhythm is an interesting take. It works better in some places ("Grumblingly waiting for some seating") than in others ("this new diver others positively talked about"). The inconsistent punctuation and capitalization, too, although I couldn't find any solid interpretation or reasoning for why certain lines got a capital and others didn't.

Spoiler: FinnLassie

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Wowza. That was pretty dark. Thank you for the note at the end, by the way, because holy crap is that a different story otherwise.

I feel more... inevitability here, than suspense, but it's a similar sort of mood, and you've certainly nailed grubby without being overbearing about it. "led paint" feels like a typo, unless maybe you were going for an extremely subtle musical reference All in all, this was very writing.

Spoiler: Verdict

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FinnLassie

The Extinguisher vs. Duck999: Persecute, Incarnate

Spoiler: The Extinguisher

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Very dark. Typo aside (I think-- "Your dreaming."), this is very well composed. I don't think the title was strictly necessary, though the quotes do add another layer that I enjoy. The only criticism I have is that the line breaks don't feel consistent around the shorter phrases. I'm not clear on why, for instance, "But for now. Your dreaming." is one line, while "Maybe one day/You'll accept me." is two. But other than that, I enjoyed this quite a lot.

Spoiler: Duck999

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This is a great improvement over your previous piece; the language is much more fluid and for the most part it doesn't feel like you're forcing it in order to fit the rhyme and meter you've chosen. There are still a few rough patches, and I think some punctuation would have made certain phrases clearer, but on the whole it's solid.

Thematically, I'm a little skeptical of your ties to "persecute". "Incarnate" was pretty well locked down, even with some nice foreshadowing in the first two stanzas, but "persecute" feels like you really had to wedge it in there. I mean, I know for most D&D player characters "wow, you went a whole day without killing anyone" is a legitimate compliment, but it's not at all clear why being nice to someone is being framed as "not persecuting anyone". You know?

Spoiler: Verdict

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The Extinguisher

Techwarrior vs. Targ Collective: Grovel, Jaunt

Spoiler: Techwarrior

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Well executed, for the most part. I especially like the half-rhyme at the end; it feels almost like the sort of choke you get when talking about a painful subject. The story itself isn't particularly original, but the telling is strong.

Spoiler: Targ Collective

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Ha! A fun story and ending, though I do have a few nits to pick. Foremost among them: "I'll leave that for the reader to decide" doesn't make an awful lot of sense, coming from someone telling a story aloud!

There are several places, throughout the piece but especially as you near the end, where the meter suffers for the sake of the rhyme, which is unfortunate. You can get away with it in some of the lesser cases since we learn it's a story being told or probably sung, but some of the lines get really long, so much so that the rhyme would get lost anyway if it were told aloud.

Spoiler: Verdict

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Techwarrior

Exegesis vs. 3SecondCultist: Forlorn, Impromptu

Spoiler: Exegesis

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Wow. This is a true, physical pleasure to read. My only complaint is that I can't feel the "impromptu"; in fact the whole thing feels very much like a a state of affairs that has gone unchanged for ages. But frankly, the strength of this piece for me is the sound and feel and taste of the words, and on that account you've done just a tremendous job.

Spoiler: 3SecondCultist

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Ow, right in the feels. Maybe it's because this hits a little close to home, or maybe it's because once more you've delivered a terrifically executed piece, but damn that's some fine work. The "impromptu" drop was quite abrupt, and maybe unnecessary; as you get the theme included without it, but it doesn't detract from the piece as a whole. You set up a beautiful, tragic atmosphere right from the start, and it doesn't let up.

Spoiler: Verdict

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3SecondCultist

Spoiler: Also,

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This was a particularly rough pairing. This choice was actually one of the reasons it took me so long to finish judgments. I'd send you both to the next round if I could.

[Vaynor]

Thanks again for getting those done, Dr Bwaa. As CWater is unable to do her judgments this round, I broke the one tie we had. Here are the results of this round:

FinnLassie
The Extinguisher
Techwarrior
3SecondCultist

Congratulations to the winners! The next round will be up tomorrow as soon as I get the prompts done.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Told ya.

Grongratulations, winners!

Remaining contestants and judges, I wish you a most enjoyable contest.
I shall be reading.

[Vaynor]

Iron Poet XX: Round 3

This round's theme is "the surreal." Feel free to incorporate the theme as you wish, but the important part is the images. The images have no titles given here on purpose, and the title/description/etc. of the image in the link should not be taken into account. Or, they can be if you wish, but they are not considered part of the prompt. Bonus points for incorporating surrealistic themes into your poem.

The Extinguisher vs. Techwarrior: Image
3SecondCultist vs. FinnLassie: Image

Deadline: Monday, November 3rd 2014 at 11:59 pm (EST).

[FinnLassie]

Oh gosh. I was not expecting to get this far at all. I was sure Dakooters would be in my place now on third round...

[Vaynor]

Don't sell yourself short! You've done some great work this contest.

[FinnLassie]

I'm gonna try my best this round, but as I'm moving countries tomorrow and have an entrance exam on Thursday... I think I might end up using my 12 hours. I'm determined to submit at least something.

[3SecondCultist]

Alright, here's my submission! I've got your dream/reality surreal theme right here.

Spoiler: Surrealism

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The dawn brings them:
columns of new mire
and a hurricane of black pigeons
screaming through the putrid fog.

Those who walk among these tombstones
know in their bones
there can be no paradise,
no loves that bloom and wither on the vine.

Only light is buried here,
like the sticky urban zeal
cannot escape the noisy chains
of the early morning.

But he morns not night’s quick passing.
His eyes and ears
are filled with overflowing fires
of an endless waking.

This wanderer lives
in the demesne of living dreams.
Who knows what kingdoms
- great or small -
he slides through?

The dawn brings him,
and no one sleeps.

[FinnLassie]

It's entry tiemz.

Spoiler: poyem

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he

it was empty

walks

like

pure in its finest form

he

never

comparing it

knew

what

with the birds in the sky

was

waiting

was a huge mistake

on

the

my destination is as follows

other

side

hollow

of

this

like the thoughts pouring out

miserable

mirage

mixing with the rain

we

call

gone.

life

[The Extinguisher]

I was freaking out, cause I thought this was due yesterday.

Spoiler

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“Everything is Fading, Graying, Waiting for You To Make Sense of it All”

I’ll keep waiting
On this dusty road.
I’ll keep searching
I don’t know what I’ll find.
It’s getting so much harder
To make any sense of this.
I’ve never been a part of anything.
I’ve never been a part of anything.
I’m waiting, for a chance to be
Someone who I never thought I’d be,
         (A little less loney
          A little more tired)
And maybe I could finally smile




I’m waiting
On this dusty road
The hungry fog
Breaks in through my windows
Waiting
For something, I don’t know
Waiting
To let you go.




I guess                                                                   I guess
I’ll be waiting here a little bit longer and
I guess                                                                   I don’t know
I could have been a little bit stronger and
I guess                                                                   (another thing)
I’ll keep waiting here for you
And waiting for the moment
That everything makes sense and
I guess                                                                   (a more final thing)
It doesn’t make a little bit of sense.

And even though                                  I’m here

And even though                                      I keep trying
                                                              To disappear



I’ve been hurting
I’ve been needing
          wishing that I was a ghost
Ghosts don’t feel pain
And ghost don’t feel hurt
I guess I wouldn’t really know
I’ve never met a ghost
I don’t think I ever will




I’ll keep waiting. On this dusty road
I’ll keep waiting. On this dusty road
I’ll keep waiting. On this dusty road
I’ll keep waiting. On this dusty road
I’ll keep waiting. On this dusty road

Please ignore the code tag. Only way I know to get the formatting to work.

[Garwain]

I assume Techwarrior is using his extension, so I'll hold off from judging for now.

[Techwarrior]

Spoiler: Surreal

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I remember a time when the grass was green
I can tell you about when my grandfather wore flannels
There's a tree in the yard that no longer leaves
That we planted together before I was an obnoxious teen

The times fly by, but make sure to stop and smell the roses
Everyone in life seems to be all in to much of a hurry
Speeding here, driving there, making sure the shopping's done
But sometimes you need take a break from all of the scurry


I remember a time when the grass was green
Before playing outside all day required an adult
There's a tree in the yard that no longer leaves
Where I spent the night with the prom queen

The times fly by, but make sure to stop and smell the roses
One moment you're a kid, and life's all about playing
And then you get older and your thoughts began to change
Until eventually you find out, life is all about the waiting

If I need to use my extension so be it. I was going to post this last night, but then the servers were down.

[Vaynor]

Because the servers were down I'll allow you to post without using your extension, just in case you need it for the next contest.

Glad to see we got four entries this round! Now it's time for judgments.

[Garwain]

First I must say: what an outstanding performance of all four competitors. A joy to read and explore, so thank you guys.

Spoiler: The Extinguisher vs. Techwarrior

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Spoiler: The Extinguisher

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I can clearly see how you’re inspired by the image. In fact, both reinforce each other. I like the tension between coming, going or waiting, which is apparent on both image and poem. I’m feeling inner turmoil and a certain emotional disjunction. And then the title gives it an extra punch. Creative formatting adds to these sentiments. Punctuation not consistent. Fivefold repetition at the end is clever.

Spoiler: Techwarrior

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I’m a sucker for these stories of reminiscence. It has a nice flow, clean execution, technically polished as I would expect at this stage of the contest. A sense of motion is introduced, both through time (looking back) and space (speeding here and there). I do see some repetition however where it’s not needed. I believe that a more condensed form would carry a stronger punch.

Spoiler: Winner

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Yikes, I admit that I left this open for as long as I could. In the end I decided on The Extinguisher. I guess his poem came closest to that surreal feeling.

Spoiler: 3SecondCultist vs. FinnLassie

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Spoiler: 3SecondCultist

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There are some very strong lines in this poem (i.e. sticky urban zeal cannot escape the noisy chains of early morning). In fact, I think this is a very strong poem, rich of symbols and imaginative descriptions. I would never have been able to distill this poem out of this image. Technically it all fits, and the text alignment adds more flavor. I wasn’t so thrilled with the ‘wanderer’ part as it becomes the subject of the poem, while it the ‘surreal’ atmosphere of the previous lines doesn’t need it.

Spoiler: FinnLassie

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You played with formatting, as 2SecondCultist and The Extinguisher, but none did it as captious as you did. When I found the left/right aligned line, I was hit by a hammer! You nailed it. “the other side of this miserable mirage we call life”. Beat that ladies and gents. Your poem is not tied to the image as much as the others, but still captures the feel and action of it very well. The alignment led to a little exploration, but I’m lost on the letters in bold. Must be something I missed. Your poem counts more than 50 words and is otherwise well executed.

Spoiler: Winner

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I’m sad that one of these 2 needs to leave the contest. I believe both make a real shot at winning this contest. The winner is 3SecondCultist.

[CWater]

Horribly late and shorter than what I would have hoped, but at least I got these done this round. ^^'
Good work all contestants, it was nice to read your works.

Judgements

Spoiler: 3SecondCultist vs. FinnLassie

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Spoiler: 3SecondCultist

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I like the atmosphere you paint with this piece. It's strange, dreamy, yet not too alien to picture. The poem carried itself nicely from beginning to finish, I tried to find a weak spot, but didn't really succeed. The first and fifth stanzas (that is the word, right?) are probably my favourites. The composition of the poem also works, it is... like a seesaw. Balanced and yet not.

Spoiler: FinnLassie

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Ohkay. If the 3SecondCultist's poem was a seesaw, then this is reminds me of tied shoelaces. Crossing from one end to the other in front of the bulk of the foot. It has its charm and the idea is fun, though the actual content doesn't feel particularly original. It works, yes and it's not bad, but no line gets stuck in my head. I like it, but the best part is definitely the composition. I might work on the words a little more.

Spoiler: Winner

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3SecondCultist.

Spoiler: The Extinguisher vs. Techwarrior

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Spoiler: The Extinguisher

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I felt this needed to be read almost entirely in whisper. There's a lot of feeling in it, though I find it a little difficult to grasp it in the beginning of the poem. I like the ending a little more, hard to say why exactly. Odd compostions are nice, but I'm not really sure what more it brings to this poem. Why are these few lines 'out of place'? Not saying that there always should be a clear reason, but I can't really see what their aim is.

Spoiler: Techwarrior

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Like a moment stopped in time with windows open to the past, that's the image I get from this. I like how the 1st and 3rd stanzas have two similiar lines and two that change. In general, I like the odd lines with 'grandfather's flannels' more than say 'smell the roses', which feels a bit worn.

Spoiler: Winner

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Both made good use of the prompt, for winner I choose Techwarrior.

[Vaynor]

Thanks for the judgments guys, just waiting on Dr Bwaa to finish up this round and head into the final round!

[Dr Bwaa]

The Extinguisher vs. Techwarrior: Image

Spoiler: The Extinguisher

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This is quite melodic. The first stanza is a little bit weak compared to the rest, but the overall effect is quite good. The inspiration of the prompt is obvious (and I liked the ending 5x repetition) but not critical; the two pieces support each other, which is a feat. Some of the "offset" pieces work better than others. Overall a very strong entry.

Spoiler: Techwarrior

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The reminiscence is a good choice for this; it carries a feeling of stationary reflection on discrete pasts, which pairs well with the prompt. I think you could have done more with this, though; I would particularly have liked to read more individual past time periods.

Technically this falters a bit. There are a couple of typos, and the rhythm is frankly difficult to follow. "Stop and smell the roses" feels very out-of-place in a piece that otherwise uses very original language. It almost feels like the discrepancy is intended to be satirical, but there's nothing to substantiate that reading.

All that said, your third stanza is easily my favorite. The visuals are strong and somewhat ominous, and the meter here flows better than anywhere else in the piece. The final line of the poem is very thematic as well, and again, strong.

Spoiler: Verdict

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The Extinguisher

3SecondCultist vs. FinnLassie: Image

Spoiler: 3SecondCultist

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As usual, your language is simply exquisite, and your technique unflagging. This prompt sounded like it would play to your strengths, and I'm glad to see that it did. "morns" is a very clever addition as well.

Spoiler: FinnLassie

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You hit "surreal" right on the nose, here. The language is evocative; the tempo keeps my attention. The layout cleverly evokes the image--very well done, there. The content itself is a little sparse, but there are a lot of good ideas hinted at here.

Try as I might, if you did something clever with the boldface letters, I cannot figure out what it is.

h wlks never e on id sera

The best text I can find is only a partial anagram, for "never die alone". Which is profoundly creepy, but doesn't seem very closely related to the piece, and even then, I'm missing things. So if there's something in here, congratulations, you bested me!

Spoiler: Verdict

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3SecondCultist

[Vaynor]

Congratulations to this round's winners, 3SecondCultist and The Extinguisher. The next round should be up tomorrow.

Edit: Sorry for the delay, Thanksgiving celebrations got in the way. Here's the final round!

Iron Poet XX: Round 4

3SecondCultist vs. The Extinguisher: Repetitious, beguiled

Deadline: Tuesday, December 9th 2014 at 11:59pm EST.