Sburb - sardonicEscapist [IC]

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

A young man stands in his room.

Your name is DEVIN and today is the 25th day of May, 2014. It is also coincidentally two other things; your day off, and your friend ANDY's 26th birthday. He will be spending today likely without you, as you are home alone for the first time in a while and by God you're going to play video games and laze around if it's the last thing you do.

When I said you were home alone, that was something of a lie. You're fully aware that downstairs your trusty hound BENNY, lies sleeping healthy and alive. If this thought compared to reality is in any way depressing, just remember to think on the side of positivity.

What do you do?

[Ellas Aramond]

Devin: Retrieve arms

While your shotgun is locked in the gun safe like it damned well should be, your staff is within reach. This surely must be what you are referring to, since you already have a pair of perfectly good arms. You give the staff a few badass spins, and promptly shatter the the overhead light. Crap.

Devin: continue reading fantasy novel

You put the staff back in its place and pick up the novel you've been working through. Its got all the good stuff; knights, snarky dwarves dragons, even the occasional dungeon. Unfortunately, it is also super long, and not even the last book in the series.

Devin: throw book down in disgust

You toss the book aside. It would take too long to get through, anyway. Someone was only going to die at the end of those thousand pages anyway.

Devin: abandon adventure game way of doing things

Yeah, its going to take way too long to get anything done if you have to put in a command for every little thing. You're a man, damnit! You have important man things to do!

Well, maybe one more time. Just as a nice transition to the next post.

Devin: go to laptop and check email

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

It's absolutely mind-blowing how few important emails there are today. Mostly junk, but one from your distant friend WILL sent some time last night.

When is your next day off? I bought a new multiplayer game for Andy and myself to play tomorrow for his bday and it came with like ten extra codes for other players. Hit me up if you have the day off, I'll be on pchat all day.

-imperfectWarlord

Buy a game? This is clearly the wrong Will. Best investigate and see what this Washingtonian fool is up to.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

-- sardonicEscapist [SE] began pestering imperfectWarlord [IW] --

Spoiler

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SE: Hey man, turns out this is my day off.
IW: what a coincidence, mine too
SE: But is it truly?
IW: when you work part time, the world is your oyster
IW: you want a code for the game?
IW: actually, you ever heard of it?
SE: Suuuuuuuure. I don't even know what game you're talking about? Is it a steam thing, cause I feel like I would have noticed a deal like that.
IW: I got an email advertising it, and it seems legit enough. It's advertising itself as 'an immersive cooperative worldbuilding sandbox extravaganza' so in other words 'we are trying too hard'
IW: figured I'd check it out, and it's a decent idea for Andy's bday
SE: What's this game called? And have you installed it yet?
IW: Sburb, and not yet
SE: Kind of a weird name. And this is from the guy who can't come up with a good book title to save his life.

You do an internet search for Sburb. You find some random forum posts and blogs talking about it. It looks like a game from an independent gaming company called Skaianet. Most posts are talking about how they received a mysterious email selling the game for cheap with a bunch of free codes to let your friends play. Apparently it's some kind of MMO?

Spoiler

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SE: This seem kinda shady. It's supposed to be some kind of MMO...and it doesn't have a website.
IW: I don't think it's an mmo, it just looks cooperative. like tf2 but no opposing team
SE: So basically like Castle Crashers.
IW: yeah pretty much
SE: Eh, hell with it. I'll just back up my computer before I install it. Anything extra I should know?
IW: yeah, I'm gonna be you like... GM for this. then you'll be someone else's GM. there's like this circle we gotta finish to ensure the game works alright
IW: all cooperative
SE: Yo dogg, we heard you like gamemasters. So you GM while you're GMed, so that they can play while you play.
IW: so said the wise poets. here's your code
IW: G37I-N3HL-Z3PH-R
SE: Sounds good. So if everyone needs to be on at the same time, then who's GMing for me, and who am I GMing for?
IW: whoever installs after you. I have the GM client installed so I can start you out
SE: Word. Well, let's get this party started.

-- imperfectWarlord [IW] has disconnected. --

You begin typing the code into the Skaianet site and go through checkout... until the page suddenly can't be found. A wave of frustration suddenly overcomes you and you get a prompt on your taskbar. There's no words that a person hates more than these...

No

connection

FOUND

[Ellas Aramond]

"Great. The router's out. AGAIN."you mutter under your breath. Because that's what you do when you're home alone. You talk to yourself and not worry that anyone will think you're crazy. "I swear, this is the third time this week."

You get up from your chair and crack your knuckles. It was time to venture into the garage to reset the cursed router. This could only end two ways. One, not being able to get it to work and instead going to town on it Office Space style. You'd probably need your staff for that. You throw your lamp-slaying weapon into your STAFFKIND SPECIBUS, most humble of all specibi, ready to kick some inanimate ass. You in fact get so ready for this eventuality that the other way this could go doesn't even get another thought as you leave your room.

You know.

The one where it gets fixed easily.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

That blasted thing will be the death of you, but more importantly it will be the death of it. You enter the upstairs hallway of your family's home, and the sweet sound of silence continues to pervade. You look down the curved steps on your descent and see the mail's been left haphazardly on the floor in front of the front doors. Among the letters and coupons there is an unmarked package. Benny wakes up at the sound of you and wanders over, as dogs are wont to do. Someone has left the t.v. on, albeit muted.

[Ellas Aramond]

"Sure, I'll clean this up. No problem. Thanks for asking." You say, picking the scattered mail up as Benny makes sure he sniffs each and every piece. When you come to the package, you can't help but be curious about it. "Do you know who sent this, Benny?"

From his doggy stare, you can tell that he's clearly just as confused as you are. Curiosity getting the better of you, you grab a pair of sizzors and head over to the couch with the package, completely ignoring whatever is on the nearby screen. Its probably just sports. Stupid sports.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

The mysterious package lacks a return address, making it impossible to venture a guess at it's venture to your home. Upon opening the plain brown box, you see several odd items inside. A heavy, high quality router. A copy of GameSir Magazine, if that's even a real publication. A translucent green plastic squirtgun sized for a child. An open bag of doggy treats that honestly smell so good you're tempted to eat one yourself. Lastly, a note scrawled with bright red pen.

Thanks for your purchase. Because we value our customers, we've given you some extra goodies to keep you extra loyal.

-GS

As soon as Benny smells the package he goes wild, especially for him. Despite his normal DOCILITY levels, he lunges for the snacks!

What do you do?!

[Ellas Aramond]

Eyes widening, you pull the entire box out of the path of danger. You are simply not used to this level of anarchy. Fortunately, you can be quick on your feet, especially since you've lived with the dog for years. You grab the squirt gun and loose a few small streams at Benny, not even thinking to see if there's any water in it or not. This works on cats as far as you know, so why not dogs?

"SIT, boy!"

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

You aim the weapon with such deftness and accuracy that you can barely believe it yourself. Your aim and skill with a weapon has never been so overwhelmingly accurate. It also helps that he's a dog and he's like a foot from you. You give him a small flurry of little splashes of water that cover his eyes and nose in lukewarm ammunition. He whines and immediately sits down, looking at you, then the treats, then you again. He almost sunk his teeth into that router as well and that would be a damned shame.

Upon closer inspection you notice the logo on the router, a big green SN.

[Ellas Aramond]

You fix your dog with one of your best eyebrow raises, still finding it hard to believe what just happened. Next thing you know he'll start barking at something that isn't the poor guy that comes around to check the water meter. Benny continues to stare intently at both you and the bag of treats, his expression reading something along the lines of "Soooooooooo...whatcha gonna do with those, buddy?"

Rolling your eyes, you toss him one of the treats. He snatches it out of the air, then taking it over to his doggie bed where he starts happily devouring it. Crazy dog. You then whip out your phone and send a IM over to Will before you go to put an end to the router funny business.

SE: Hey man, ever hear of a magazine called GameSir? They just sent me a router. Its weird, but I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Hopefully I'll stop having connection problems.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

Luckily your phone is not reliant on that scoundrel middleman of a router.

IW: yeah I dunno. I got something from them like an hour ago, with a copy of GameSir from like 1982. I didn't get a router though

[Ellas Aramond]

SE: What else did you get?

You make your way to the garage after captchalogging everything in the box. And then captchalogging the box as well. You never know when you'll have need of a good box. You grab and then set up the small footladder that will allow you access to the shelf the router from hell currently occupies. Being as rough with the damned thing as possible, you throw it to the ground, and put the mysterious new machine in its place. With any luck, this should make your life a bit easier.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

IW: just random crap
IW: GameSir '82, an empty sword scabbard, a pretty sweet sd card for my phone and a shotglass

The router clatters to the ground with a loud sound. If it wasn't broken enough it is now. You connect the necessary wires and voila, it's little bright green lights come to life. The internet is now at the touch of your fingertips.

[Ellas Aramond]

SE: wtf?
SE: Is it a kool shotglass, at least?

With a satisfied grin, you leap off the stepladder and summon your staff. Cackling, you land blow after blow on the accursed machine, letting off some long-held frustration. Damn, it feels good to be a gangster. You spend about five minutes doing this. Probably more then you need to, really.

Seriously, you've already beaten the **** out of this thing.

There's really nothing left to destroy at this point.

You may have to clean this up with a vacuum cleaner. That's how much you've beaten this thing.

...

ITS DEAD, ALREADY! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY! ITS DEAD!

Sorry, lost control for a second there. Not entirely sure where that came from.

Anyway, after what felt like an eternity, you stop your massacre. You can't help but be satisfied with your handiwork. Where now a pile of small metal and plastic bits lies, once stood a piece of state-of-the-art consumer electronics. Yeah, it was a piece, alright. A piece of ****.

You captchalog both the pile of scraps and the stepladder. No sense in leaving a mess, but you ain't got time for this crap. You have INTERNET THINGS to do! You head back to your room. Its time to get things started.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

You head back up the stairs with incredible alacrity, which is to say you run instead of walk, and find yourself once again in your room. You can almost feel the internet connection thrumming from your laptop. Your Vapor^tm client is sitting there just waiting for that code. It's almost time.

This is getting overly dramatic. Just install the game.

It also appears your friend ANDY is now online. Once you begin your magnanimous installation, you decide to bother your celebrated bro.

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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-- sardonicEscapist [SE] has begun pestering paradoxicalPenguin [PP] --

SE: Happy bday dude!
SE: Rake in any insane loot yet?
PP: More like it's insane how little I care about said loot. 90% of them are just $10 games from my wishlist which will not just be added to the bottom of my ever expanding "play later" list
PP: My dad got me a heavy book though. Not just philosphically heavy though, this thing could probably be used to break down castle walls if you tipped it over. Makes up for the rest though since that's probably going to take the rest of my year to finish
PP: Have you started playing Will's game yet?
SE: Hah!
SE: Not yet. Been having router problems.
SE: Again.
SE: But as we speak, the damned thing is downloading.
SE: Has Will told you much about it? I can barely find a screenshot of this thing.
PP: No clue, the only thing I know about it is that despite being completely unknown, they have like a buy one get a billion sale on keys
SE: Let's hope he didn't get that many keys.
SE: We can barely get a small group together for a weekly game.
SE: I can't imagine coordinating that many people for an online game.

It looks like your friend ELLIOTT is also online.

[Ellas Aramond]

-- sardonicEcapist [SE] continued pestering imperfectWarlord [IW] --
SE: This is officially the fanciest installation screen I've ever seen.
SE: Seriously, I want to rip this music from the program and make out with it.
SE: Or at least set it as my wake-up alarm or something.

You move your head in time with the music as you type up your messages. Like you mentioned, this music is fly-ass krunk. That's how awesome it is, you aren't even using real words anymore. Feeling as though you must spread the word about this, you begin chatting with your friend Elliott.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

Though Elliott seems to be unresponsive, it looks like Will is still trying to speak with you. It seems your copy of Sburb has finished installing, Sburb is in big green letters across your screen.

Spoiler: Pestelog

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IW: oh wow
IW: this is actually pretty incredible
IW: I can see right into your bedroom, dude. it's like you're my sim
IW: I'm glad you decided not to walk around in your shorts, too. good call
IW: hold on, it looks like there's more stuff I can do here

After a few moments pause, the wall behind your computer suddenly juts out into a small alcove, your room gaining at least twelve extra square feet, including extra wall, floor and ceiling. Another few moment's pause and there's a terrifying crunch sound coming from downstairs followed by the sound of spraying water. You feel your stomach drop out as a few moments more pass, and there's a loud thud coming from the roof.

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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IW: okay, so. don't panic
IW: or go downstairs
IW: or on your... roof

[Ellas Aramond]

You can't help but sit there in confusion as your room more then doubles in size right before your eyes. No real freaking out. After all, this can't be structurally sound. I mean, seriously, unless there's something load bearing supporting this sudden add-on, its all going to collapse. Also, the entire thing blends seamlessly with what's already there. It looks like it's been a part of the house since ever. This isn't normal.

Then you start to freak out.

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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SE: Will, are you trying to tell me you just did all this!
SE: If so
SE: WHAT WAS THAT CRUNCH?
SE: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??
SE: WHY SHOULDN'T I GO ON THE ROOF???
SE: WHERE DID ALL THIS SPACE JUST COME FROM????
SE: WHAT IN THE NINE OUTER HELLS IS GOING ON?????

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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IW: now now devin. don't be irrational
IW: all I did was take your dowstairs toilet
IW: for a... ride
IW: ... to your roof
IW: let's just be adults here and blame this on magic
IW: this was clearly magic's fault

[Ellas Aramond]

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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SE: Yes Will
SE: Let's blame a unseen force for something you've already claimed responsibility for.
SE: Like.
SE: 5 seconds ago.
SE: ...
SE: Because that clearly makes all of the sense.
SE: All of it.
SE: ...
SE: So can you please put the toilet back?

You swivel around in your chair towards where you hope Will is watching through the invisible camera, and give him your best annoyed stare. Yeah, that's it. That should set him straight.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

He doesn't take the time to respond this time around. You hear the roof crackling as if being relieved of pressure and a few sounds of stone clicking against stone. Then the sound of water stops and a loud thud and splash comes back up from downstairs.

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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IW: okay so the epiphany toilet is back in the downstairs bathroom, and there's only like a few inches of water
IW: but I might be able to make it up with a few freebies in the game
IW: just gotta expand your place a little more

[Ellas Aramond]

You shake your head and sigh, resisting the urge to go downstairs and see the damage. This is completely ridiculous, and you're not even sure what the appropriate reaction is anymore. Well, at least your day off won't be boring.

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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SE: Thank you.
SE: So, barring the obvious "it's magic" response.
SE: Why exactly do you have godlike control over the layout of my house?
SE: And how many sponges am I gonna need to grab for downstairs?

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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IW: well I think long answer, it's a function of the game utilizing physical forces we're as of yet unaware of
IW: short answer, magic
IW: I'm gonna expand your tv room to make room for these
IW: alchemiter, cruxtruder, or totem lathe?

You hear the sound of architectural creaking from downstairs and furniture being moved around. You're unsure if giving Will godlike power over your parents' house was such a good idea. There's another loud thud/splash.

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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IW: cruxtruder

[Ellas Aramond]

Spoiler: Pesterchat

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SE: Yeah.
SE: None of those were anything close to words.
SE: But you're clearly doing more things.
SE: What are you doing?
SE: You know what?
SE: Frak it.
SE: I'm going downstairs.

Rolling your eyes, you captchalog your laptop and start heading downstairs. You can easily rely on your phone until you need something with processing power. Sponges are going to be a bit more necessary right now, anyway. Now, where on earth did you put those absorbing things?

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

You go downstairs to see a pooling of water from your sitting room on through the dining room, kitchen and into the TV room. It also looks like the couches and coffee table have been pushed up against the sliding glass doors, trapping Benny outside. Sitting in the middle of the floor is a tremendous device.



It looks like Andy is trying to pester you.

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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PP: Do you know what's going on? Will said he was in game with you, and st hit the fire so fast I didn't even have time to come up with a cogent simile
SE: Ummmmmm.
SE: I guess you could call it "in game"
SE: I call it more
SE: "Will fking with my st."
SE: He turned my damned living room into a wading pool.
SE: I am not amused.
SE: There is no amusement here.
PP: So what, this is like some twisted co-op "Sims" game? where other people fk with your home and you just cry yourself to sleep?

[Ellas Aramond]

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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SE: I hope that's not all it is.
SE: I mean, I haven't exactly seen an instruction manual or anything.
SE: But now he's put some weird thing in that may or may not be a bomb.
SE: I'm going in for a closer look.

You walk into the room. You are quickly annoyed by your instantly soaked shoes. But you'll get Will back for that later. As Benny whines and paws the glass door, you give him a shrug, gesturing futilely at the upholstered barricade. You then walk over to whatever the hell it is that Will put into the room and poke it.

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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sardonicEcapist [SE] continued pestering imperfectWarlord [IW]
SE: Sooooooooooooooooo.
SE: What exactly am I looking at here?

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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IW: it's a cruxtruder, dude
IW: it does
IW: something
IW: probably something important. the game gave it to us as a freebie, one of four freebies

[Ellas Aramond]

Spoiler: Pesterlog

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SE: Oh of course.
SE: The fabled CRUXTRUDER of fables!
SE: The thing that will allow us to do ALL OF THE THINGS!
SE: All of them.
SE: How have I been living my life before I was gifted with this?
SE: I feel so blessed.
SE: But seriously.
SE: Did you not get an instruction manual either?
SE: Because I'm not entirely convinced that this isn't a bomb.

Still mostly confused by everything that is happening, you go over and start turning the wheel of the newfangled cruxtruder. Time to be proactive, dammit!

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

The last thing two things you remember are first, what appeared to be a brightly flashing ball of light in the middle of your living room, a vivid display of white and azure. The second was having a massive heavy object collide with your head.

What a bad dream. Good thing you're awake now among the golden spires of this wonderful land. A young man awakes in his room, one of golden accents and beautiful blue walls and carpets. There is elegant finery of a gentleman Hero of your station, and outside you see pillars of clean, white steam rising steadily into the sky.

What's that? It looks like the Moon on which you reside is swinging once again past the white clouds of the grand object around which your world orbits.

What a great time to be alive.