LGBTAI+ Questions, Information and Discussion thread!

[Lissou]

Typically you think about stuff. It's difficult to honor people who are not there by any physical, current gesture. I think it's about remembering that it happened. Hopefully the "not letting it happen again" part is present year round.

[Gwynfrid]

That is a very good question. How does one do days of remembrance?

The only ones I know how to "properly" do are those that society organizes for me (Remembrance Day / Armistice Day / 11 Novembre / whichever name is used in your part of the world), or for departed loved ones. For other kinds of remembrance, we can all just remember every day that there is a lot of pain and suffering in the world; not pretend that it doesn't exist or isn't a big deal; and try every day to make it better, or at the very least, not to add to the overall level of ignorance and hate.

Relevant to this thread: I've been participating here in an attempt to reduce my own level of ignorance, and it does help in a small way. Hopefully I can pass on some of the benefit to my kids. Come to think of it, I recently scored a small point against anti-homosexual prejudice at the dinner table (I didn't need knowledge from the thread to do that, though). Y'know, little steps.

[Zrak]

I understand the idea behind days of remembrance, but they always leave a bad taste in my mouth. I can't help but feel having one official public day of remembrance often ends up functioning as excuse for 360-some unofficial public days of forgetting. I guess it's sort of the same way I feel when they do one big memorial for all the homeless people who freeze to death in the Winter.
I guess what I mean is people have to struggle for recognition, self-determination, or even basic survival every single day and there's something I can't stomach about the idea marking down one date on your calendar to remember that.

[SowZ]

I understand the idea behind days of remembrance, but they always leave a bad taste in my mouth. I can't help but feel having one official public day of remembrance often ends up functioning as excuse for 360-some unofficial public days of forgetting. I guess it's sort of the same way I feel when they do one big memorial for all the homeless people who freeze to death in the Winter.
I guess what I mean is people have to struggle for recognition, self-determination, or even basic survival every single day and there's something I can't stomach about the idea marking down one date on your calendar to remember that.

I understand. Of course, everyone can't champion every cause. Acknowledging the moral side, offering your support, and occasionally thinking about a given worthy causes even if you aren't being that active about that particular cause is the most the majority of people can offer. There are just too many issues and noble pursuits to think about and act on them all every day. So you act on the ones that you connect with most with what time/energy you have left after work and spending time with loved ones, (as well as yourself.)

For this reason, I think days of remembrance are a good thing. It brings the issue to light so people can acknowledge the problem, validate the people suffering or who have sacrificed, and hopefully encourage the people who need encouraging. Yeah, the vast majority of people are going to put it in the back of their minds the next day. But even a brief acknowledgment is better than none at all.

[SiuiS]

I understand the idea behind days of remembrance, but they always leave a bad taste in my mouth. I can't help but feel having one official public day of remembrance often ends up functioning as excuse for 360-some unofficial public days of forgetting. I guess it's sort of the same way I feel when they do one big memorial for all the homeless people who freeze to death in the Winter.
I guess what I mean is people have to struggle for recognition, self-determination, or even basic survival every single day and there's something I can't stomach about the idea marking down one date on your calendar to remember that.

On the flip side, it doesn't work like that. It's not an excuse for 364 days of ignorance; it's slapping 365 days of ignorance and demanding a place, from which to grow.

We aren't neglected because of the day. We are neglected despite it.

[Zrak]

Like I said, I understand the reasoning behind days of remembrance, I just don't know if I believe they ultimately do more good than harm for their intended cause. I understand that one day is better than zero and demands for recognition have to start somewhere, but I also think things like days of remembrance encourage vapid humanist feelgoodery at the expense of things like meaningful discourse or action to incite real change. They're like the Greeting Card Holidays of the social justice world, offering well-meaning dilettantes the opportunity to give some shallow acknowledgement of others' suffering for a day and feel entitled to spend the rest of the year patting themselves on the back and demanding others — typically those whose suffering they have deigned to acknowledge for the day — do the same. Can you honestly say you've never known someone who, for example, seemed to feel their casual homophobia was excused entirely by their participation in a day of silence?

More theoretically, I think it's hard to evade the fact that declaring one day for remembering implies that all the others aren't whether it is intended to or not.

EDIT: Just to be clear, I don't mean this as insult or judgment on those here who choose to participate in any Day of Remembrance.

[SiuiS]

Stupid people and entitled people exit and both stupidity and entitlement must be combatted. This is a separate issue however. There is overlap – this is what is called ... Oooh, what's the word? Dang.

But that problem should be handled separate from the remembrance being important problem. We are not artificially limited to one. We can both make this day matter and also fight the idiocy that makes people complacent with their actions. If anything, this day did no harm, and merely exposed existing problems to be tackled. An action taken which clarifies issues (even as base as "John is a pillock who thinks participating in gay pride excuses his sexism and homophobia") is a successful action.

[Miriel]

That is a very good question. How does one do days of remembrance?

At my school, we held a thing to sensitize people, and posted the list of this year's dead. At some point, we read them all.

[Astrella]

So there's this (I think good) trans man portrayal in the new Dragon Age

[Axinian]

So there's this (I think good) trans man portrayal in the new Dragon Age

Wow, I need to talk to Krem more often! And I agree that that's a pretty good portayal. Though it's slightly annoying that most of the dialogue options inquiring about it make the inquisitor look like a dingus.

[BladeofObliviom]

And I agree that that's a pretty good betrayal.

I tried to make sense of this like five times before I realized that it was a typo.

[Axinian]

The only betrayal was that of my brain :P

[Zrak]

Wow, I need to talk to Krem more often! And I agree that that's a pretty good portayal. Though it's slightly annoying that most of the dialogue options inquiring about it make the inquisitor look like a dingus.

Plus, Mr. Exposition over there sitting next to Krem. I was expecting one of those The More You Know shooting stars to go across the screen when he was explaining how his ridiculous people have a ridiculous fantasy word for trans.

Still, it's nice to see a goodwill gesture to repair any hurt feelings after the debacle with that one dialogue tree.

[Anarion]

Plus, Mr. Exposition over there sitting next to Krem. I was expecting one of those The More You Know shooting stars to go across the screen when he was explaining how his ridiculous people have a ridiculous fantasy word for trans.

Still, it's nice to see a goodwill gesture to repair any hurt feelings after the debacle with that one dialogue tree.

Considering that a big chunk of people playing the game may, in fact, be totally ignorant, I think they needed Mr. exposition for that one. If you just threw it out there with a couple one-liners without the other guy explaining it, I'd bet you'd wind up with a lot of really confused players.

[Zrak]

I just mean that just because I guy looks kind of like he might have been literally sculpted out of ham doesn't mean he has to be so figuratively ham-fisted in his explanations.

[SiuiS]

It's also accurate. Indian Hijra likely wouldn't simply consider themselves a local term for transgender, say. That's the same sort of thing that led the Romans to assume everyone else just had less civilized versions of the same culture. ;P

[RabbitHoleLost]

If you don't spell it out, you get jerks denying it completely
"You're just READING into it wrong/to suit your wants"
This way, not a single person can deny it because it was SPELLED OUT

[GrayGriffin]

Does anyone have a transcript of that scene? It sounds really interesting to me, but videos are kind of awkward for me to parse in this case.

[Marnath]

Considering that a big chunk of people playing the game may, in fact, be totally ignorant, I think they needed Mr. exposition for that one. If you just threw it out there with a couple one-liners without the other guy explaining it, I'd bet you'd wind up with a lot of really confused players.

Also consider the level of education in the Dragon Age universe, and the fact that the greatest communication tool is still messenger birds. The inquisitor doesn't have access to the internet and that conversation is almost certainly the very first encounter with the concept of gender identity.

[SiuiS]

Also consider the level of education in the Dragon Age universe, and the fact that the greatest communication tool is still messenger birds. The inquisitor doesn't have access to the internet and that conversation is almost certainly the very first encounter with the concept of gender identity.

And yet the inquisitor themself was transgender? Or am I crossing titles?

[Zrak]

It's also accurate. Indian Hijra likely wouldn't simply consider themselves a local term for transgender, say. That's the same sort of thing that led the Romans to assume everyone else just had less civilized versions of the same culture. ;P

Oh, sure, and I didn't mean to imply that different cultural understandings of similar ideas were identical. I just thought the scene scanned more as inventing a goofball alien term for trans because nothing says "atmosphere" like nonsense words expressing totally familiar concepts.

If you don't spell it out, you get jerks denying it completely
"You're just READING into it wrong/to suit your wants"
This way, not a single person can deny it because it was SPELLED OUT

Sadly, this is a good point.

[Marnath]

And yet the inquisitor themself was transgender? Or am I crossing titles?

In this case, the inquisitor is the smaller of the two horned guys, the one who was asking the questions in that video. As far as I know you can't have your inquisitor be transgender although I haven't played very far myself yet.

[Delusion]

In this case, the inquisitor is the smaller of the two horned guys, the one who was asking the questions in that video. As far as I know you can't have your inquisitor be transgender although I haven't played very far myself yet.

I keep hearing that you can have female inquistor have adam's apple and other options that can hint at your character being trans, even if it desn't actually come up in game. Which is what I intend to do (wont be buying the game for another month D: )

[Athedia]

Just as someone who pre-ordered and has logged over 50 hours on the game so far (between classes and meeting and work and setting up a RL Pathfinder game) it is one of my favorite games of all time. Your decisions matter, you want to do the side quests and the find 10 meat things actually have meaning.

[Serpentine]

Graaarrgh. Stop rubbing it in, guys. I won't be able to play it til probably after Christmas, cuz I need a new hard drive that'll actually fit the game, and that's before I can even afford it and check whether my sad old laptop will actually run it

[SiuiS]

Oh, sure, and I didn't mean to imply that different cultural understandings of similar ideas were identical. I just thought the scene scanned more as inventing a goofball alien term for trans because nothing says "atmosphere" like nonsense words expressing totally familiar concepts.



Sadly, this is a good point.

Aye, you clarified while I was posting. Looks like it's either Ham it Up or Don't Bother.

[Kesnit]

Graaarrgh. Stop rubbing it in, guys. I won't be able to play it til probably after Christmas, cuz I need a new hard drive that'll actually fit the game, and that's before I can even afford it and check whether my sad old laptop will actually run it

Same. I need to save up for the game, which will take a while. (Since I can't find a job as a lawyer, I recently started a job in retail. It's a job, and it's pay, but it's part time and low wages. Most of my pay has to go to keeping up on my bills, but I hope to be able to save a little for "fun stuff.")

Spoiler: Having ambition

Show

I actually applied for a supervisor job at the store where I work. I didn't get it, but do have a suspicion about why. The store manager didn't want to hire me as a supervisor because he isn't sure how long I'll stay. (If I got an offer as a job as an attorney, I will leave.) It's better to train someone as an associate and then make them a supervisor, rather than train someone as a supervisor.

There's nothing that says I can't work my rear off, show the store manager I'm awesome, and move into a supervisor position later. And there is the fact that they are cross-training me for the very section that I originally applied to supervise. And the position I'm in - restocking - is the best to learn the entire store...

[Icewraith]

Same. I need to save up for the game, which will take a while. (Since I can't find a job as a lawyer, I recently started a job in retail. It's a job, and it's pay, but it's part time and low wages. Most of my pay has to go to keeping up on my bills, but I hope to be able to save a little for "fun stuff.")

Spoiler: Having ambition

Show

I actually applied for a supervisor job at the store where I work. I didn't get it, but do have a suspicion about why. The store manager didn't want to hire me as a supervisor because he isn't sure how long I'll stay. (If I got an offer as a job as an attorney, I will leave.) It's better to train someone as an associate and then make them a supervisor, rather than train someone as a supervisor.

There's nothing that says I can't work my rear off, show the store manager I'm awesome, and move into a supervisor position later. And there is the fact that they are cross-training me for the very section that I originally applied to supervise. And the position I'm in - restocking - is the best to learn the entire store...

Spoiler: Ambition:

Show

Working a low-wage retail job was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I was so miserable and desperate to get out of there I finally got past the depression and fear of rejection and applied to grad school. The "you're more likely to leave so we won't bother training you as a supervisor" happened to me too. It sucked at the time because less money, but I know a couple capable people who have gotten stuck in retail because they stayed too long. You gotta pay the bills, but don't let the job suck so much of your energy that you can't be bothered to get out of there!

[Zrak]

To anyone who's feeling stuck in retail but doesn't yet want to apply to grad school or whatever, I'd recommend the various hospitality industries pretty strongly. Back when I lived in Boston, I was actually offered a job at a fairly prestigious medical publisher as a technical editor that I turned down because it would have been a drastic pay cut from what I was making as a fancy waiter. If I'd stayed around long enough to move up to bar, who knows what I would have made.

[Ravens_cry]

Has had anyone had any experience with soliciting donations to help out with the expenses? Right now, I couldn't afford hormones if I took that plunge, let alone electrolysis or other hair removal techniques, or, gasp, surgery, Heck, I can't afford clothes and make up.