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2014-07-07, 06:04 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Location
- Italy
- Gender
Relationships and space-time stress limits
Didn't know what else to put up there as a title.
The subject of this thread is finding out what is the average breaking point in a relationship regarding the distance and time necessary for two people to see each other.
Like, for example, my girlfriend is in another city, which is more or less 1 hour away from me. She is now getting a doctorate after which she will move further away, to 2 hours away. I can already feel things getting less comfortable. I'm assuming one more hour would be the breaking point, so I'd put my relationship at a less than 3 hours limit.
Now, to clarify, this isn't about long distance realtionships. It's about realtionships that initially are within a comfortable reach but end up moving further away and finding out exactly where the limit for a traditional relationship is. Also a way for me to talk about this as a way to cope with the fact that I have no idea for how long the relationship between me and mt gf will last.
What's your experience?
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2014-07-07, 06:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Location
- Lustria
- Gender
Re: Relationships and space-time stress limits
A friend of mine, discovered that 2 hours (which amount to 4, if you consider the round trip) was his limit.
Which is funny, if you consider that he was used to travel a round trip of 5 hours each week, to go at university... so who knows? maybe it was only the sum of all the travels needed.Last edited by Killer Angel; 2014-07-07 at 06:19 AM.
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes. (W.Whitman)
Things that increase my self esteem:
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2014-07-07, 01:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
- Location
- PST (GMT -8)
- Gender
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2014-07-07, 02:13 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2009
- Location
- Ontario
- Gender
Re: Relationships and space-time stress limits
Long time ago... The distance was 4 hours or so but that didn't deter us in the least. Every week-end, one of us took the train. Not the best arrangement, but no a dealbreaker either. Of course, it helped that we could afford all that travel. If your finances are short than I can understand it may be hard.
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2014-07-07, 06:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2014
- Location
- Hell
- Gender
Re: Relationships and space-time stress limits
This is going to vary from person to person and from relationship to relationship. I had no problem with a 3 hour round trip that I normally had to make to see my now ex-girlfriend.
"A man once said do not meddle in the affairs of wizards for they are subtle and quick to anger. Tolkien had half of that right. **** subtlety." ~ Harry Dresden
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2014-07-07, 09:54 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- Tail of the Bellcurve
- Gender
Re: Relationships and space-time stress limits
I had this in reverse. We were great three hours apart with monthly visits. Fifteen minutes apart was a disaster.
Blood-red were his spurs i' the golden noon; wine-red was his velvet coat,
When they shot him down on the highway,
Down like a dog on the highway,And he lay in his blood on the highway, with the bunch of lace at his throat.
Alfred Noyes, The Highwayman, 1906.
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2014-07-08, 12:38 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2005
- Location
- Santa Barbara, CA
- Gender
Re: Relationships and space-time stress limits
it depends-a couple years with bi-monthy 6 hour trips worked okay. It was only when she moved back that we fell apart...and honestly we would have probably lasted another year had she not moved back. And we started 12 minutes apart for 8 months. Other than that I'd say one of the biggest questions is what kind of communication the relationship is based on (non-verbal or empathic communication could be more demanding of physical proximity than purely verbal).
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2014-07-08, 03:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2013
- Gender
Re: Relationships and space-time stress limits
A 2 hour round trip was no problem for us. It wasn't every day but a couple of times a week worked just fine. Of course that was the distance that we started at, so I don't know how it would have worked if the distance had suddenly gotten greater. If we suddenly had had a 4 hour round trip we'probably have not seen each other quite so often then but I don't think we would fallen apart over it.
I have seen relationships fall apart because of distance - the hassle of getting to see the other was greater than the joy felt at being in the other's presence.
I think a lot of it depends on what you want out of the relationship. If you want constant companionship travel time will be a lot larger a factor than if you want more personal space and time alone.
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2014-07-08, 08:31 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Location
- Dallas, TX
- Gender
Re: Relationships and space-time stress limits
It doesn't matter, and it's not determinable anyway.
Don't worry what the average is. Your limits aren't average; they are unique to you and her.
Spend your time on how you can help strengthen your relationship. Regular communication, visits, the occasional small gift ("Well, there's the usual: flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep..."), seeking ways to strengthen the bond.
These things will increase your (and her) tolerance for long distance. Don't measure it; improve it.