LGBTAI+ #52: Aces High

[Comrade]

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So... uh, I've been looking a lot at r/transtimelines, and while on one hand I've seen some truly amazing transformations on there that really bolstered my confidence in my ability to someday pass for female, they also make me question it as well. It got me thinking about how a lot of people are able to achieve a body and face that they're comfortable with using only HRT, whereas others need to rely on FFS, and moreover how the base foundation affects those prospects. Which in turn led me to thinking about my own face, and how much mileage HRT alone would get out of a foundation like... well, this (although I must warn you, you probably shouldn't look at that thing if you've just eaten, or if you intend on eating any time soon).

Basically, I guess what I wanted to ask-- and maybe this is sort of a dumb question, but... well, does anybody think HRT alone could turn that thing into something people could maybe see a female face in?

[Togath]

Coffee shops don't sell coffee anymore.
They sell cream and sugar coffee flavoured beverages. They often even serve other things as well. Some will even serve tea, though generally it's a tea bag on a string in a cup; a disgrace to the name Camellia sinensis I say, bah!

I actually like the teabag in a cup style...
Then again, I also favor black tea, served straight(usually room temperature or cold).

[Astrella]

@Comrade; the results you get from HRT vary a lot from person to person, so it's hard to tell in advance. Sorry. :s I'm also bad at like, evaluating people faces for stuff like this so I can't really tell what kind of bone structure you have and stuffs.

[Grytorm]

I'm having a weird day. I find my flesh... stifling. I don't know any other way to describe it. All my sensations feel a little off: pain hurts, but doesn't feel like it normally does, vision seems odd and a little baffling, music sounds different to me, and nothing has changed about any of these except that I feel... disjointed from all of them. My body can't keep pace with my mind, and feels like a dead weight I'm lugging around. Is this what dysphoria feels like?

Just have a question. (Insecurity!) Are there other ways of feeling dysphoria? I have not experienced anything quite this visceral. Just some frustration at gender roles. Occasional disgust at my arm hair. Sometimes a fear of mirrors. A constant background level of thinking about it. And strong positive responses to the idea of feminizing.

[Rain Dragon]

Just have a question. (Insecurity!) Are there other ways of feeling dysphoria? I have not experienced anything quite this visceral. Just some frustration at gender roles. Occasional disgust at my arm hair. Sometimes a fear of mirrors. A constant background level of thinking about it. And strong positive responses to the idea of feminizing.

Not sure if the response is welcome or not, but still.
Remember that such things vary very widely. I'd be willing to say there are almost as many ways of feeling dysphoria as there are of people who experience it.

Still, no matter what form it takes gender dysphoria really sucks (at least, in my experience). Thus, I wish you well for the future.

[Serpentine]

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Which in turn led me to thinking about my own face, and how much mileage HRT alone would get out of a foundation like... well, this (although I must warn you, you probably shouldn't look at that thing if you've just eaten, or if you intend on eating any time soon).

Basically, I guess what I wanted to ask-- and maybe this is sort of a dumb question, but... well, does anybody think HRT alone could turn that thing into something people could maybe see a female face in?

Spoiler: Brutally honest answer to the question

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Is that you? Honestly, my prediction is that it'll go a lot better than you think. It's hard to tell from that particular photo, but it looks like you have a pretty fine jaw, high cheekbones and a nice mouth. I think your biggest trouble will come from your nose and eyebrows but, well, they're not outside the range of cis women anyway.
tl;dr: You're already fairly pretty. My (completely unqualified) prediction is good results.

[Miriel]

Trans march pictures!

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Me giving the opening speech, and with a super cool trans* activist (<3) holding the megaphone:


"Gender Euphoria":


Marching down the hill. I'm holding the banner, with the red sunglasses:


At the end, we did a die-in in front of the office of the civil status director:


... and wrote our names on the wall:


This is mine and my girlfriend's:

Me and some of the organizers:


More pics of the march in general.

I'll never forget this.

---

In other news, I'm still everywhere in the media, which is great.

At the march, I spoke to another trans person who was at the movie I talked about and where I had a bad experience, and he had a much better one. It doesn't change how I felt mistreated, but I'm very much reconciled with the movie as a whole. I think that in the ambiguity I saw between good and bad treatment, the good may have been stronger than the bad overall, at least at the top -- they took out people who said or did transphobic/homophobic things from the movie, at least one of the actors is apparently genderqueer, and so on --, it's just I was not lucky when I was there.

Oh, and I won a big scholarship award for LGBTQ leadership

[Graustein]

Trans march pictures!

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Me giving the opening speech, and with a super cool trans* activist (<3) holding the megaphone:


"Gender Euphoria":


Marching down the hill. I'm holding the banner, with the red sunglasses:


At the end, we did a die-in in front of the office of the civil status director:


... and wrote our names on the wall:


This is mine and my girlfriend's:

Me and some of the organizers:


More pics of the march in general.

I'll never forget this.

---

In other news, I'm still everywhere in the media, which is great.

At the march, I spoke to another trans person who was at the movie I talked about and where I had a bad experience, and he had a much better one. It doesn't change how I felt mistreated, but I'm very much reconciled with the movie as a whole. I think that in the ambiguity I saw between good and bad treatment, the good may have been stronger than the bad overall, at least at the top -- they took out people who said or did transphobic/homophobic things from the movie, at least one of the actors is apparently genderqueer, and so on --, it's just I was not lucky when I was there.

Oh, and I won a big scholarship award for LGBTQ leadership

I am so so happy to read this, well done!

Just have a question. (Insecurity!) Are there other ways of feeling dysphoria? I have not experienced anything quite this visceral. Just some frustration at gender roles. Occasional disgust at my arm hair. Sometimes a fear of mirrors. A constant background level of thinking about it. And strong positive responses to the idea of feminizing.

There definitely are different ways to experience it. Mine is (generally) similar to yours.

[byzantineblue]

Trans march pictures!

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Me giving the opening speech, and with a super cool trans* activist (<3) holding the megaphone:


"Gender Euphoria":


Marching down the hill. I'm holding the banner, with the red sunglasses:


At the end, we did a die-in in front of the office of the civil status director:


... and wrote our names on the wall:


This is mine and my girlfriend's:

Me and some of the organizers:


More pics of the march in general.

I'll never forget this.

---

In other news, I'm still everywhere in the media, which is great.

At the march, I spoke to another trans person who was at the movie I talked about and where I had a bad experience, and he had a much better one. It doesn't change how I felt mistreated, but I'm very much reconciled with the movie as a whole. I think that in the ambiguity I saw between good and bad treatment, the good may have been stronger than the bad overall, at least at the top -- they took out people who said or did transphobic/homophobic things from the movie, at least one of the actors is apparently genderqueer, and so on --, it's just I was not lucky when I was there.

Oh, and I won a big scholarship award for LGBTQ leadership

This is AWESOME! Congratulations!

[golentan]

Just have a question. (Insecurity!) Are there other ways of feeling dysphoria? I have not experienced anything quite this visceral. Just some frustration at gender roles. Occasional disgust at my arm hair. Sometimes a fear of mirrors. A constant background level of thinking about it. And strong positive responses to the idea of feminizing.

I was asking if what I was feeling was dysphoria, not saying it was.

[Grytorm]

I was asking if what I was feeling was dysphoria, not saying it was.

I didn't mean to shame you or anything. I only quoted your post because it summarized something I feel insecure about. I did not mean to be judgmental of you or anything. Partly it was curiosity about others.

[Ravens_cry]

I know what you mean about not being sure if something 'counts' or not. It's something I wonder about too.

[Kesnit]

Trans march pictures!
(snip)
I'll never forget this.

Oh, and I won a big scholarship award for LGBTQ leadership

Congrats. Seems like the march was amazing!

I know what you mean about not being sure if something 'counts' or not. It's something I wonder about too.

Did you feel it? If so, it counts.

[Ravens_cry]

Did you feel it? If so, it counts.

True, but try telling that to the part of your brain that tells you are a deluded fool, and also, you are ugly and no one could ever think you are attractive, as a man or woman, but especially as a woman.
*sigh* I hate my brain sometimes. It makes a lousy home some days.

[Comrade]

Spoiler: Brutally honest answer to the question

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Is that you? Honestly, my prediction is that it'll go a lot better than you think. It's hard to tell from that particular photo, but it looks like you have a pretty fine jaw, high cheekbones and a nice mouth. I think your biggest trouble will come from your nose and eyebrows but, well, they're not outside the range of cis women anyway.
tl;dr: You're already fairly pretty. My (completely unqualified) prediction is good results.

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It would probably be pretty counterproductive if I posted a picture of somebody else, wouldn't it? To be honest though I always felt like I had a really strong jaw and chin. Here's another picture more centred on the lower half of my face, if that makes it easier to tell.

Also, thanks for the feedback!

[golentan]

Things always are clearer when I'm in the grips of psychosis.

Unfortunately, clarity comes with pain and regret. If I might paraphrase: The kindest thing in this world is the inability of the sane mind to correlate its contents.

[Astrella]

Bluh, how do you keep going? It all just feels like such a waste. I went through this whole trans thing and am still stuck with this gross male face and body, constantly have dark moods and can't support my friends cause of it and am a burden on them and a horrible girlfriend. Failed to get a degree, failed to do anything really, can't even manage to paint, just feel like such a failure. Wish I hadn't convinced myself I was trans, really.

[SiuiS]

There's no stopping and getting off this merry-go-round planet. No matter how bad thing a get it spins on. I find that since my body defies my will and continues to exist as discrete matter, I am better off playing along than not.

You're wrong though. You don't have a male face.

[Mina Kobold]

Bluh, how do you keep going? It all just feels like such a waste. I went through this whole trans thing and am still stuck with this gross male face and body, constantly have dark moods and can't support my friends cause of it and am a burden on them and a horrible girlfriend. Failed to get a degree, failed to do anything really, can't even manage to paint, just feel like such a failure. Wish I hadn't convinced myself I was trans, really.

Life often feels like a waste, but you do have friends around you who think you need support just as much as you wish to support them. Sometimes we can't succeed at what we tried to do and sometimes we need others to help carry the burden of life, but I don't think that makes you horrible or a failure. It just makes you a woman who has gone through a lot and need a lot of support, and people want to provide that support whether or not you have the ability to do something back. You're not making people be your friends, your friends choose to be so, and I think that means it's not a burden your friends don't want to carry. You're not a waste for being someone in need of support, no more than you'd be if you were bedridden and your friends supported you then.

As for failing at getting a degree; I don't think your worth is not tied to whether you ace academia. You tried even though there was so much else in your life that made it difficult. The fact that you tried is more than enough, and nobody should expect any more than that you try what you think is the right thing to do. Maybe you can't manage to paint or get a degree right now, but things may change and you may be able to do those when your life looks different, or you may try and succeed at other things. It hurts a lot to fail something, but you are more than the things you didn't succeed at, much more, and you certainly succeeded at being a wonderful friend and support in this thread, and probably at plenty of other things.

You even managed to start transitioning despite studying and everything else being obstacles against that. I can't tell you to see your body as less male or gross, even though I agree with SiuiS about you not looking male, but I can say that you've succeeded in coming this far, and I think that's admirable. I don't think that was something you just convinced yourself to do, especially with how difficult it was, and I think it's at least one thing that makes you a winner.

[Irish Musician]

I know what you mean about not being sure if something 'counts' or not. It's something I wonder about too.

Did you feel it? If so, it counts.

100% accurate If you feel it, then it is legit. I know your brain gets in the way sometimes, mine does too about certain things, but if you are feeling weird or bad or upset about something then those are feeling you are having and therefore worth something. Don't let that pesky brain tell you otherwise!

Sweeeeeeet Caroline, *BOM BOM BOM* Sorry, had that song stuck in my head. That seems like it was an awesome experience. Which person are you in that last picture next to the building?

M

[Miriel]

New article on the "girl in a boy's body" topos, on what vision it carries of the gendered human being, and on why it's effective at explaining, and other things. It's actually a translation from a speech I gave on Saturday.

Bluh, how do you keep going? It all just feels like such a waste. I went through this whole trans thing and am still stuck with this gross male face and body, constantly have dark moods and can't support my friends cause of it and am a burden on them and a horrible girlfriend. Failed to get a degree, failed to do anything really, can't even manage to paint, just feel like such a failure. Wish I hadn't convinced myself I was trans, really.

I keep going because there is no other way. No way getting back to [old name] makes anything better.

Honestly... I don't know about the other stuff (which may very well be untrue, or unrelated to transition), but you look great in all your pictures. I'm fairly certain this is low self-esteem talking. You certainly didn't convince yourself of anything.

Congrats. Seems like the march was amazing!

It was

I am so so happy to read this, well done!

This is AWESOME! Congratulations!

Thanks!

Sweeeeeeet Caroline, *BOM BOM BOM* Sorry, had that song stuck in my head. That seems like it was an awesome experience. Which person are you in that last picture next to the building?

Haha, I'm totally aware of the Neil Diamond reference. Actually, it's in my Facebook username

Thanks! I'm wearing the blue flowered dress with a white and gold purse.

[Irish Musician]

Haha, I'm totally aware of the Neil Diamond reference. Actually, it's in my Facebook username

Thanks! I'm wearing the blue flowered dress with a white and gold purse.

I thought I recognized you, but didn't want to put my foot in my mouth in case it wasn't. Which I am wont to do from time to time
Very cute.

M

[Heliomance]

Sweeeeeeet Caroline, *BOM BOM BOM* Sorry, had that song stuck in my head.

I prefer this one.

[Miriel]

Thanks, Mat!

I prefer this one.

Ooooh! Nice and blues-rocky! Yay

Anyway, consensus is, I'm sweet. I'm a strawberry.

Here, have a gratuitous selfie of strawberry-me at the library.

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[Serpentine]

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It would probably be pretty counterproductive if I posted a picture of somebody else, wouldn't it? To be honest though I always felt like I had a really strong jaw and chin. Here's another picture more centred on the lower half of my face, if that makes it easier to tell.

Also, thanks for the feedback!

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Mm, still pretty much the same. I'd prefer a full front-on photo to feel like I'm giving a proper review, but I still think it's not too bad to start with and will soften out more than you expect. Maybe I'm putting too much stock in before-and-after pics and a particular friend of mine (who makes a MUCH more attractive woman than she ever did a boy), but I'm constantly in awe at the effect of hormones.

Bluh, how do you keep going? It all just feels like such a waste. I went through this whole trans thing and am still stuck with this gross male face and body, constantly have dark moods and can't support my friends cause of it and am a burden on them and a horrible girlfriend. Failed to get a degree, failed to do anything really, can't even manage to paint, just feel like such a failure. Wish I hadn't convinced myself I was trans, really.

I suggest separating them out, as much as you can, while acknowledging where one has effected the other.
For your "failures", you've suffered a setback perhaps, sure. But no more and no worse than others - 3 years later, and I still feel 3 years behind after my aborted thesis attempt; I know people who have been working on degrees for 10 years or more. Then there's the other people who just plain didn't manage to get any degree, and they're still doing fine - my sister never finished hers, and she started her own business, and is now at the age of 35 going back to uni again to get a degree in politics. You're young, you have time, and none of your mistakes - if mistakes they really are - are fatal. Where do you want to be, and what do you have to do to get there, and what can you do now to get on your way?
As for your appearance, personally I think you're adorable. Already quite feminine, and with every sign of only getting more so. Is there anything specific that bothers you, and is there anything you can do to improve it? I kind of almost feel like you have a very slight advantage there (and I really hope you don't take offence at this, but it's just occurred to me): most of what's "wrong" with your perfectly lovely face will be improved with your hormones. Most the rest of us, what we've got is what we're stuck with - for me personally, it's my throat underhang, my weird chin, my knobbly nose, the soft cheeks... The only control I really have over it is my weight, and I'm screwing that up already. So I suppose, if nothing else, your concerns about your appearance, as much as they suck, makes you just the same as pretty much any other woman.
For your moods and mental state... blegh, that sucks, I'm sorry You have to look after yourself first, though I have also found that throwing myself into helping others can help myself as well sometimes (depending on the mood). I hope you're seeing a counsellor?

[gr8artist]

Hello again. Friendly (albeit often confused, annoyed, or argumentative) ally here, a Pathfinder nerd who usually hangs out in Homebrew.
I think I posted in a previous thread once, when my avatar was still the pyromancer with rainbow-colored fire, about some fairly simple question or general passing along of positive thoughts.
Anyway, I noticed you don't have Go Get a Roomie included in your webcomics list, which I felt was an odd exclusion or oversight. Is there a reason, or has it not been mentioned yet? I know the characters are very eccentric and almost overplayed, but I feel its a genuinely heartwarming cast of characters, even if a bit heavy handed with tropes or stereotypes (Dom/sub twin sister/brother).
Also, passing along more positive feelings and a friendly reminder that the most attractive quality in a person is their personality, and that an air of confidence or joy can make up for a lot of anatomical/feature values that you might feel aren't up to snuff.

[golentan]

I just read the most bigoted, hateful thing I've seen all year.

Transphobia is horrendous.

[SiuiS]

I just read the most bigoted, hateful thing I've seen all year.

Transphobia is horrendous.

I'm feeling masochistic. PM?

E: wow, love, you weren't kidding.

[Kesnit]

This isn't about the Alphabet Soup, but I need to vent, and this seems like the best place to do it.

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I've mentioned before that my wife was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome when she was about 15. All her life, she's had horrible periods, with massive bleeding and cramps that would double her over in pain. She was also told that, because of PCOS, she could never have children. Since at that time, she wanted kids, this was a heartbreaker for her. It also crashed her self-esteem, and led to her doing some stupid things with men because she thought she had no worth as a woman. (Obviously, that was before she met me. I don't mean that to sound arrogant, just a fact.)

She and I had always heard that doctors won't even consider a hysto/oopho on a woman under 30. ("What if she changes her mind..?") My wife turned 30 this year, and thanks to Obamacare, she actually has decent medical insurance for the first time in a decade. So she made an appointment with a GYN to see what could be done to solve her problem periods.

The appointment was at the end of July. (My wife and I have a habit of going with each other to medical appointments, so I was there too. The GYN she went to is the one that did my hysto 6 years ago.) The doctor started off by saying that surgery is not the normal initial treatment for PCOS. (Apparently, my wife had written that on her intake form.) She then went to ask about my wife's medical history and how she was diagnosed with PCOS.

Wife: I was seeing a psychologist, and she sent me to have a blood test. When I went back to see her after getting the results, she told me the blood test came back positive for PCOS.
GYN: PCOS can't be diagnosed through a blood test. Did you have any other tests done?
Wife (confused): No, that was it. She just told me I had PCOS, and what it meant. It was about this same time that I was taken off the Pill. Apparently, it was causing my blood pressure to rise. {My wife has very high blood pressure.}
GYN (clearly getting angry at my wife's previous doctors, though trying to hide it): The Pill doesn't raise blood pressure.

After the exam, the doctor gave my wife a prescription for a birth control pill and spirolactone for her high testosterone levels. She also wrote a consult order for a pelvic sonogram, so she could see what my wife's ovaries look like.

We went to the sonogram this week. The nurse who did the sono ask why my wife was having it, and my wife told her. When the nurse looked at my wife's ovaries, she said they looked normal to her. The radiology office sent the sonogram pictures to the GYN, who called my wife to give her an update.

My wife does not have PCOS. The doctor who told her 15 years ago that she did, that she could never have kids, and sent her into a suicidal depression... was wrong.

I'm furious, though I know there is nothing that can be done about it. My wife, on the other hand, is afraid to trust the GYN - or any other doctor. Not because the GYN did anything wrong, but because she trusted another doctor who screwed her over so badly.

Spoiler: One good thing

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Although I did remind my wife one good thing did come from her being told years ago she could never have children. It gave her time to come to terms with not being a mother, before she met a really great guy who despises children and decided when he was 10 that he never wanted any.

[Astrella]

Thank you everyone ans sorry for alwasy complaining.