[3.5e] What happens when a character pisses off his girlfriend...

[Dimers]

I like Cards Against Humanity, but still consider a lot of the suggestions pretty off - there's no reason to think that this isn't a serious game, and the ideas being presented are being presented as if they're just the logical consequences of the girlfriend being magically powerful.

The format of the OP is reason enough to think that the girlfriend's spellcasting is why the question is being asked. So people look at spells a level 15 wizard can cast ... find funny horrible things (which is because very few D&D wizard spells are intended to be cast on a person you like but are mad at) ... post those ideas ... get scolded for it by someone who doesn't seem to be separating in-game behavior from RL morals. If the OP had at some point said "No, that's not what I'm asking, this is a group with very serious in-character interaction, here's our RP background including how wizards are feared because FITB, and I mention the boyfriend being a cleric because his religion is all about X, Y and Z" and so on, and then people had given demented CardsAgainstHumanity-worthy ideas, the scolding would make sense to me. But just out of the blue? when the OP had seemingly added fuel to the fire by mentioning another class construct while naysaying nobody? Nah. Let's see some silly.

[AMFV]

The format of the OP is reason enough to think that the girlfriend's spellcasting is why the question is being asked. So people look at spells a level 15 wizard can cast ... find funny horrible things (which is because very few D&D wizard spells are intended to be cast on a person you like but are mad at) ... post those ideas ... get scolded for it by someone who doesn't seem to be separating in-game behavior from RL morals. If the OP had at some point said "No, that's not what I'm asking, this is a group with very serious in-character interaction, here's our RP background including how wizards are feared because FITB, and I mention the boyfriend being a cleric because his religion is all about X, Y and Z" and so on, and then people had given demented CardsAgainstHumanity-worthy ideas, the scolding would make sense to me. But just out of the blue? when the OP had seemingly added fuel to the fire by mentioning another class construct while naysaying nobody? Nah. Let's see some silly.

Well the fundamental issue for me is that we have no idea how she is, or about her personality... Even supposing that a 15th level wizard will react with magic to this sort of thing, we need to know about her. A passive-aggressive person will react differently and do different amusing things than somebody with an explosive temper, an Ice Queen will react differently still.

[Phelix-Mu]

I'm pretty sure she can planar bind an ifrit to wish up a couple scrolls of ice assassin to double ice assassin her boyfriend, giving her a perfect, but not quite real substitute, which she can variously use in place of the real thing, or kill in order to deal with her anger, or just use to humiliate the real one, if that's her thing.

Alternately, she just ice assassin's Elminster/Mary Sue as her new crush, and makes the cleric boyfriend feel totally inferior.

I can picture it now.

GF: Oh, fancy meeting you here.

BF: I always eat here.

GF: Oh, really, I never noticed.

BF: We always used to eat here...before...*mumbles*

GF: Hey, I'd like you to meet my new boyfriend, [important person]. He's really good to me. Really opened up my mind to new...possibilities.

BF: That's...um...that sounds nice. *tries to focus on eating hamburger*

GF: When we are together, he likes to [censored].

BF: *chokes on hamburger*

GF: Come on, [important person]. Our work here is done.

BF: *can't quite reach milkshake...dying slowly...in more ways than one*

Yeah. So I went with the "not-so-serious" camp, it seems.

[Sith_Happens]

The format of the OP is reason enough to think that the girlfriend's spellcasting is why the question is being asked. So people look at spells a level 15 wizard can cast ... find funny horrible things (which is because very few D&D wizard spells are intended to be cast on a person you like but are mad at) ... post those ideas ... get scolded for it by someone who doesn't seem to be separating in-game behavior from RL morals. If the OP had at some point said "No, that's not what I'm asking, this is a group with very serious in-character interaction, here's our RP background including how wizards are feared because FITB, and I mention the boyfriend being a cleric because his religion is all about X, Y and Z" and so on, and then people had given demented CardsAgainstHumanity-worthy ideas, the scolding would make sense to me. But just out of the blue? when the OP had seemingly added fuel to the fire by mentioning another class construct while naysaying nobody? Nah. Let's see some silly.

Okay, how about this:

She casts Binding... chaining you to the couch for a year per caster level.

[Hazrond]

Okay, how about this:

She casts Binding... chaining you to the couch for a year per caster level.

This. you win the thread. everybody go home.

[Telonius]

Absolutely nothing. The girlfriend had already used several divinations to find out exactly what the boyfriend was going to do, and has already set up several contingency plans for when it happened. Also, if you think she's mad at you, that's because she wants you to think that.

[Hand_of_Vecna]

Absolutely nothing. The girlfriend had already used several divinations to find out exactly what the boyfriend was going to do, and has already set up several contingency plans for when it happened. Also, if you think she's mad at you, that's because she wants you to think that.

Now this is the best possible answer. She treats the challenges of relationships, just like any other challenge she faces. Before you met she already knew that you'd live happily ever after, or exactly when she'd need to break things off to start a relationship with the real love of her life. Maybe she'll let you down easy and leave you with a double ice assassin of herself mindraped to be satisfied with you.

[John Longarrow]

I'm pretty sure she can planar bind an ifrit to wish up a couple scrolls of ice assassin to double ice assassin her boyfriend, giving her a perfect, but not quite real substitute, which she can variously use in place of the real thing, or kill in order to deal with her anger, or just use to humiliate the real one, if that's her thing.

Alternately, she just ice assassin's Elminster/Mary Sue as her new crush, and makes the cleric boyfriend feel totally inferior.

I can picture it now.

GF: Oh, fancy meeting you here.

BF: I always eat here.

GF: Oh, really, I never noticed.

BF: We always used to eat here...before...*mumbles*

GF: Hey, I'd like you to meet my new boyfriend, [important person]. He's really good to me. Really opened up my mind to new...possibilities.

BF: That's...um...that sounds nice. *tries to focus on eating hamburger*

GF: When we are together, he likes to [censored].

BF: *chokes on hamburger*

GF: Come on, [important person]. Our work here is done.

BF: *can't quite reach milkshake...dying slowly...in more ways than one*

Yeah. So I went with the "not-so-serious" camp, it seems.

GF: <Gives evil eye as she walks arm in arm with [important person] and is passed by impossibly built teen cheerleader who comes running in> "And who is SHE?!?"

BF: <Catching sex on a stick as she jumps in his arms> "Oh, her? You mean one of my Planar Cohorts? Buffy, can you grab your sisters Candie and Cherri? I want to introduce you to my OLD girlfriend..."

**** Restaurant clears out before anyone takes cold damage from GF... ****

[Hand_of_Vecna]

GF: <Gives evil eye as she walks arm in arm with [important person] and is passed by impossibly built teen cheerleader who comes running in> "And who is SHE?!?"

BF: <Catching sex on a stick as she jumps in his arms> "Oh, her? You mean one of my Planar Cohorts? Buffy, can you grab your sisters Candie and Cherri? I want to introduce you to my OLD girlfriend..."

**** Restaurant clears out before anyone takes cold damage from GF... ****

What's good for the goose . . .

It's true that beyond a certain level chastity, loyalty to a lover, etc are the only reasons for a spellcaster not to be sexualy satisfied on a day to day basis.

[Arc_knight25]

I was expecting a Tiny Hut comment for sure. No sleeping in the well guarded tower for you no, you get the tiny hut spell that she had ready just for such an occasion.

If you really upset her, then expect to be hit with hurricane force winds while you sleep.

Also if she really wanted to know what you were doing scrying is a thing, and don't think she doesn't have any hair/blood/skin/mucous...(you get the idea) in her lab for trying to find you, increasing that save dc even more.

Or why not just clone you, and dominate the clone, that way these things just don't happen. Heck, dominate you and just make you say sorry. Maybe sign a pact or two while she has you under her spell.

Really she has a lot of options.

[ArqArturo]

Isn't it obvious? He has to sleep on the couch.

Mordekainen's Couch of Shame?.

[Hazrond]

Maybe sign a pact or two while she has you under her spell.

Nope, contracts made under coercion (magical or otherwise) are rendered void

[Brookshw]

Mordekainen's Couch of Shame?.

The simplicity and versatility is somewhat the strength of the joke I think but feel free to play around with it as you like (and on the note of spells "Bigby's Boyfriend Correcttion").

[ArqArturo]

The simplicity and versatility is somewhat the strength of the joke I think but feel free to play around with it as you like (and on the note of spells "Bigby's Boyfriend Correcttion").

Also, I think Mordekainen may have a hand fetish, I mean... All those hand spells.

[Sith_Happens]

It's true that beyond a certain level chastity, loyalty to a lover, etc are the only reasons for a spellcaster not to be sexualy satisfied on a day to day basis.

[Saved for future extended sig.]

[ArqArturo]

I was expecting a Tiny Hut comment for sure. No sleeping in the well guarded tower for you no, you get the tiny hut spell that she had ready just for such an occasion.

If you really upset her, then expect to be hit with hurricane force winds while you sleep.

Also if she really wanted to know what you were doing scrying is a thing, and don't think she doesn't have any hair/blood/skin/mucous...(you get the idea) in her lab for trying to find you, increasing that save dc even more.

Or why not just clone you, and dominate the clone, that way these things just don't happen. Heck, dominate you and just make you say sorry. Maybe sign a pact or two while she has you under her spell.

Really she has a lot of options.

And being friends with the Lady of Pain might be one of them.

[Spacebatsy]

Just out of curiosity, what if the question had been asked: What happens when a character pisses off her boyfriend... who just happens to be a level 15 wizard?

Would anyone have considered answering (switching the he/she as appropriate):

She can cast 8th level spells. Let's see what that gets us...

• Pressure him into submitting to a Probe Thoughts spell (Wiz 6, Complete Divine), or cast it on him in his sleep, or use any number of magics to coerce him into it. Either way gets her the answer to 1 question per round, straight from her man's brain, as long as she wants to maintain concentration. Even if she does it in his sleep and he starts making saves after a few rounds, that'll give her plenty of ammunition.
• Throw down a Quest/Geass or Bestow Curse until she's satisfied.
• Various divinations to keep an eye on him at all times, know where you've been and what you've done.
• Plane Shift him somewhere nasty and leave you there as punishment.
• Dominate Person (Sorc/Wiz 5) gets her 15 days of control, and a whole month if she Extends it. Since the target is her boyfriend, it's hard to imagine many tasks being sufficiently against his nature to allow a saving throw. Regardless, she's a smart girl (18 Int at minimum) and probably knows his limits well, and is therefore unlikely to trigger such a save.
• As mentioned elsewhere, PAO lets her turn him into something humiliating like a turtle to humble him.
• She could Flesh to Stone him until she stops being angry. And then she can Shrink Item him and keep him (now little more than a miniature statuette) next to her bed or on her desk, as a reminder of what happens to men who wrong her. If she's truly mad, she could also grind the statue into a fine dust, mix it with water, get someone to cast Purify Food and Drink, then sprinkle the resulting liquid into the infinite bodies of water on several different planes of existence (the first layer of celestia and the Plane of Water come to mind), ensuring that her boyfriend never lives again or sees the afterlife.
• She could cast Alter Self or Polymorph on herself and use the disguise to test his loyalty by seducing him, or make a planar-bound Succubus do the same thing while she uses a spell to watch.
• She could Feeblemind (Sorc/Wiz 5) him before using her other spells. It becomes easier for him to fail saves when his Wisdom is 1. Mind Fog can help as a save-reducer, as can negative levels.
• She could get hold of his soul somehow, then use it as a material component (as per BoVD), forever erasing him from existence.

Saving the best for last: if she can UMD a scroll of Love's Pain (Corrupt 3, BoVD), that's a pretty definitive test of who his "dearest loved one" is. If girlfriend-wizard doesn't take damage from casting that spell, that's bad news for her man. The best part? No save, no spell resistance, for either the target or his dearest loved one.

Would that still qualify as “Nah. Let’s see some silly”?

[Super Evil User]

OK, I regret not saying this earlier.

Yeah, this was supposed to be not-serious. Hell, the situation that led to this involved a bad decision he only agreed to because she slept with him.

[Spore]

http://youtu.be/W3KgDVG_x2s?t=19m15s

[ArqArturo]

I like to think that we're all mature enough to poke fun at everything for the sake of humor.

[Blackhawk748]

GF: <Gives evil eye as she walks arm in arm with [important person] and is passed by impossibly built teen cheerleader who comes running in> "And who is SHE?!?"

BF: <Catching sex on a stick as she jumps in his arms> "Oh, her? You mean one of my Planar Cohorts? Buffy, can you grab your sisters Candie and Cherri? I want to introduce you to my OLD girlfriend..."

**** Restaurant clears out before anyone takes cold damage from GF... ****

*falls out of chair laughing*

Anyway, she could just Fabricate several dozen statues of him and then cast HammerspaceTM and destroy all of them Ysma style.

[Metahuman1]

She makes him sweat.


"I'm gonna go to the Semi-elemental plane of milk chocolate for awhile and think about how I want to handle this."

As a GM I had a player who wanted in his back story that he was married to a high level caster (party was level 6 and he had also insisted on being a werewolf so he was level 3.). I think he was expecting later down the road to be able to get favors form her or something. Anyway, while they were in town something attacked them in there dreams and tried to take over there minds.

He failed the save, and attacked the party, and got beaten down for it but was not killed. But then I mentioned to them that what they were dreaming about was being out in a field on a lovely spring day with an amazingly beautiful, naked woman (and the girls got a freaking guy that should have been in a Harlequin Romance Novel.) and then he starts freaking out that "his characters wife is gonna kill him for this!".

So anyway he comes too and starts hoping she didn't find out and then I have her drop a spending spell that she knows and she's gonna have to think about how she want's to respond for this. He let out the most epic "Nooooooooo" I'd ever heard, much to the whole tables amusement.

[ddude987]

Mordekainen's Couch of Shame?.

along with some Mordekainen's Lubrication Lucubration

[ArqArturo]

along with some Mordekainen's Lubrication Lucubration

And Rary's tissues.

[Hazrond]

-snip-

I agree with this sentiment

[Segev]

Just out of curiosity, what if the question had been asked: What happens when a character pisses off her boyfriend... who just happens to be a level 15 wizard?

Would anyone have considered answering (switching the he/she as appropriate):





Would that still qualify as “Nah. Let’s see some silly”?

This is, incidentally, a game I like to play with many TV shows, books, and other stories. Swap all the genders, changing as little as possible while keeping it from becoming a farce. See how the behaviors change in tone.

Spoiler: Garibaldi

Show

One that has some less-than-obvious elements is Babylon 5. Mostly, things don't change much, but there are a few incidents...

Such as the episode where the "ground-pounders" are moving through the station on their way to a deployment. A female army grunt meets Garibaldi and the two of them hit it off, have a date...and then she tries to jump him for sex at the conclusion thereof. He is immensely put off and asks her to leave - he was not looking for a quick one-night stand.

The next day, she comes back to talk to him, and explains that she isn't out for a relationship, but sometimes she just has needs, because she's going into a life-and-death situation and doesn't know if she'll make it out. Garibaldi is understanding, and the whole tone of it is a little slanted towards how Garibaldi was being unfair for expecting otherwise and how she just had perfectly understandable motives that he should have understood and accepted without the reaction he had.


If you swap the genders here, you have an army grunt coming through town, sweet-talking a local woman, and then trying to jump her for sex and, the next day (after being told to get out because she's not that kind of girl), he comes back and basically explains to her that he just wants a one-night-stand and how it's acceptable and even to be expected. And the tone is making the girl out to be a jerk for having refused him.

Interesting how the latter comes off as more disturbing in its message than the former, no?

[Slipperychicken]

If you swap the genders here, you have an army grunt coming through town, sweet-talking a local woman, and then trying to jump her for sex and, the next day (after being told to get out because she's not that kind of girl), he comes back and basically explains to her that he just wants a one-night-stand and how it's acceptable and even to be expected. And the tone is making the girl out to be a jerk for having refused him.

Interesting how the latter comes off as more disturbing in its message than the former, no?[/spoiler]

Exactly. Why have standards when you can have double-standards?

[Sith_Happens]

Just out of curiosity, what if the question had been asked: What happens when a character pisses off her boyfriend... who just happens to be a level 15 wizard?

Would anyone have considered answering (switching the he/she as appropriate):

Would that still qualify as “Nah. Let’s see some silly”?

Depends. Is the girlfriend still an 11th level Cleric in this scenario?

[Hand_of_Vecna]

As a GM I had a player who wanted in his back story that he was married to a high level caster (party was level 6 and he had also insisted on being a werewolf so he was level 3.). I think he was expecting later down the road to be able to get favors form her or something.

Really cool story in its entirety. I can't help but think that high level wizard's ECL 6 SOs shouldn't be allowed to adventure.

Note: I hate the use of the word "allowed" in relationships. I've always felt that it suggests that the relationship is unequal. Or the relationship is equal and the word suggest inequality; you don't really mean allowed you mean "we've discussed this and my So has strong feelings about this which I've choosen to respect."

@ Rule 63 Babylon 5

Excellent show, it isn't brought up nearly enough. Rule 63 wouldn't be very disruptive for the Human and Minbari. The Vorlons and Shadows are genderless or at least their genders are unknown and irrelevent. I do see some significant changes in gender swapping the Centari and the Narn. The Centari have a caste system that includes systemic sexism.

The Narn seem to have a Spartan style hyper masculinity. Females can progress in their society but they have to excell at things like hand-to-hand combat while have equal or greater sexual dimorphism than humans. Also unlike Humans and Membari, when we see a dozen Narn soldiers they're all male.

You could of course gender swap the entire races, but both races exude a number of (mostly negative) traits that are generally associated with patriarcal sosieties. You could turn them into matriarcal societies, but to preserve the integrity of the show they would need to be female dominated societies that felt like patriarcal societies and this would change their general message and impact on the viewer in ways different from the usual gender swap.

Oh, the Lennier/Marcus Cole episodes would be super waifu fan service.

[Coidzor]

Well, she's not an ex-girlfriend, so presumably she still wants him capable of having boy-girl relations, or at least, capable of being restored to such a state...

Okay, how about this:

She casts Binding... chaining you to the couch for a year per caster level.

I don't know about you, but usually when significant others are tying me to horizontal surfaces, it ain't because they're mad.

Isn't it obvious? He has to sleep on the couch.

The couch is also a mimic.