Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then

[Mandark]

*I'm not allowed to threaten forth graders with non-lethal confetti cannons

**Probably should stop threatening fourth graders with a lethal confetti cannon.
*** Just because I have a handgun that deals 8d10+9, and you have 91 hit points, does not make it a nonlethal weapon
**** especially when using incendiary rounds.

[Taet]

*I am not supposed to bring dice and character sheets to IKEA and leave them in a living room set up to make it look and feel more like a place I would like to live in.

[DigoDragon]

*** Triply if they are singing bass.

**** And not even if you play for scale.

[AtlanteanTroll]

* I am no longer allowed to justify my LG Cleric's murder of Kobold children as an "insurance policy."

[GuesssWho]

* There is no such thing as FOOFbending.

**And gods forbid you try a ClF3-bender.

[Dewani90]

* I am not allowed to sell the burned cleric ashes as cocaine to get to HIGH planes...
** I am not allowed to sell medical herbs as marijuana either
*** and my class description cannot include a "was a shady drug dealer before becoming a"
**** if my party allows me to do all that, they shouldn't be surprised if the gm sends the guards after us for being accomplices of a drug dealer.
***** I cannot use a home-made orb of disorientation (thanks to home-made rules) as a quick way to make beer by submerging it on any kind of water till it for some reason absorbs its effects.
****** I cannot declare a festival in a town with said beer in huge kegs and call it Oktoberfest either.

[Anonymouswizard]

* There is no"Plot Armour" positive quality.
** Nor a "Partner of the GM's Crush" negative quality.


These are all just concepts waiting for clarification at the moment:
* If the game world is based on a certain real-world worldview popular 100 years ago, I cannot take Dark Secret (Homosexual) and use the points to buy stupidly high fast talk and bluff.
** I cannot flirt with people of the same gender as me, and then spin a ridiculous web of lies.
* I also cannot start with a demon trapped in my head.
** Nephillim are also banned.
*** Yes the demonhunter group you work for knows what you are, despite your Fast Talk 24 and Bluff 24.
**** The magic powers are not just special effects.
***** Any build that results in as much power as a demon prince is banned.
****** I may no longer play in a group with other engineers.
******* Flirting with people is still banned. So is repetition.

* When awarding experience, I may not ask "and what do points mean?"

[GuesssWho]

******* Flirting with people is still banned. So is repetition.

******** Because Hell is repetition.

* Painfully obscure references are still painfully obscure even if the author is otherwise well-known.

[Prince Raven]

******** Because Hell is repetition.

* Painfully obscure references are still painfully obscure even if the author is otherwise well-known.

Given that you said "author", I'm gonna go with Stephen King.

[...]

*May not use Gate as an offensive spell
**Cannot open up a Gate below my opponent's feet
***Especially if the gate goes to the Abyss
****If you don't stop sending my BBEGs into bottomless pits you don't get to play in this group anymore

[eulmanis12]

*Am to stop reminding everyone about the time when I died and took the very concept of death with me

*Am not to rewrite the song "Hero of Canton, the Man They Call Jane" to be about my or anyone else's character

*If I am the Captain of the town guard, I probably should not date the local head of the mafia

*At no point should I consume enough alcohol that anything which eats me will become drunk

*I can play either the town guardsman or the town drunk, I should not do them both simultaneously

*At no point should I, the disreputable dirty cop, be more honorable than half the knights, squires, and paladins in town

*During the naval battle during which I'm held prisoner on the enemy ship, I should not ask the enemy captain to buckle my swash for me as I'm a bit tied up right now.

[GuesssWho]

Given that you said "author", I'm gonna go with Stephen King.

Yup! He wrote the screenplay for "Storm of the Century", which was a really underrated miniseries ;)

*None of my characters may be thinly-disguised Stephen King villains.

[Rater202]

Yup! He wrote the screenplay for "Storm of the Century", which was a really underrated miniseries ;)

*None of my characters may be thinly-disguised Stephen King villains.

**Nor may they openly be Stephen King Villains.

[Leviting]

**Nor may they openly be Stephen King Villains.

***They may also not have the initials RF

[GuesssWho]

***They may also not have the initials RF

****They may not be clowns, spiders or any combination thereof.

[spineyrequiem]

* Radaway cannot cure death
* No using grenades to rescue people from close combats
* Before attempting to blow the door off the hut surrounded by bones which all the raiders seem to be avoiding, have to check there actually is a door
* If I warn that the wrecked caravan could have been trapped by the raiders because 'that's what I'd do', the rest of the party would like to know why I'd wish to blow up random potential rescuers.
* If one of the party wants to hand the orphaned child over to the raiders who kidnapped her parents ('cause he didn't want to deal with a kid for the whole adventure), can't agree on the condition she carry a 'present' from me.
* If the plan was to make the raiders give up all their slaves in exchange for drugs with no violence necessary, we can't count 'accidentally giving them one of the party in exchange for a big bag of drugs' as a success.
* If a party member says he can't carry a lock-busting charge, on the principle the raiders'll find it when they search him, can't ask the party medic for suggestions on where to hide it.
* This is not Shadow of Mordor, and thus the raider who accidentally stepped off the bridge while stumbling through smoke is probably not going to come back swearing revenge
* If a party member claims to have no knowledge of his rescuers, and in fact begins shooting at them to demonstrate his commitment, no shouting 'Don't worry, we're here to save you!' (this was another party member, he got told off)

[Ksheep]

* I may not run a Shadowrun or Paranoia game in the world of "Harrison Bergeron"
** If I do, I may not have a collection of random loud, distracting noises that I play every 20 seconds to distract the players
*** Nor may I have everyone swap out glasses and force them to wear the wrong prescription so that they can barely read anything
**** I may not make it so that everyone has the lowest possible stats, since these are the new "average"

[Anonymouswizard]

* I may not abuse the GM's dyslexia to munchkin the hell out of his homebrew system.
** I may not use the ability modifiers table to purchase abilities, under the reasoning that it didn't specify WHICH table to use.
*** The mental illnesses table is right out.
**** I do not have to revile the other players because I don't have the secret flaw.
***** I may not take the homosexual and homophobic flaws
****** If I have the highest INT of the party I should not roleplay the character as an idiot.
******* My replacement character cannot be Duh, the warrior with 5 INT
******** Dropping Intelligence, Faith, and Awareness to 5 to bump my Strength, Dexterity, Health, and Willpower to 14 is taking it a bit far.

[Rater202]

*When someone refers to themselves, Quite seriously, as the King of Bay-Conne, I may not respond with "Oh Yeah, well I'm the Lord of Time!"
**Even if I am, in fact, a Timelord.

[Thomas Hunter]

*I may not create a character that speaks entirely in quotes and/or references.
**Especially not if my GM has a rule that every time you make a reference, you have to eat a piece of your character sheet*
***If at any point you cannot see your stats because of eating too much or your sheet, your character immediately dies.



*Seriously. Everyone in our party - including the DMPC - has at least one corner of the sheet ripped off for this reason.

[Sith_Happens]

***If at any point you cannot see your stats because of eating too much or your sheet, your character immediately dies.

**** I may not argue that this instead causes my character to transcend the boundaries of the fourth wall and become Deadpool.

[Prince Raven]

* At no point should my neutral evil death cultist ninja be the most morally upstanding member of the party.

* I may no longer abuse my knowledge of the source material to prevent TPKs
** Especially if my character has 8 wisdom, 10 intelligence and no knowledge skills
*** I should have more faith in my GM that, despite all signs pointing towards it, we were not actually heading towards a TPK

* I may not use the justification "he's a ninja" for my ninja being able to take clearly magic ninja tricks in a campaign where none of the party is supposed to have magic yet
** "He's just that good" is also out

[Ksheep]

* When the party is revisiting a location a few days later to finish exterminating the ratfolk population, I shouldn't be surprised if they've set up defenses while we were gone
** I should be wary of EVERYTHING that has changed since we last visited
*** If I fail to find a trap and then get hit by it, I should look for it again and disable it
**** If I don't bother to disable it, I shouldn't be surprised when other members of the party also get hit by the same trap
***** I shouldn't be surprised when the Sorcerer, after realizing that everyone got hurt while walking through a doorway, decides to check to see if there's a trap
****** When the Sorcerer inevitably fails to find the trap, I shouldn't be surprised when he tries to bypass it by jumping over it
******* When this jump fails horribly and the Sorcerer lands squarely on the razor wire, it is my fault
******** When most of the party is killed or captured in the next room due to the injuries they sustained by this one razor wire trap, I shouldn't be surprised when the only remaining party member nearly dies to it while trying to escape

Yeah, that was a fun session…

[Rater202]

My Dragonwrought Kobald Dracolich may not abuse clone spells to have hundreds of bodies in an extradinesional space in case his current one is destroyed.

May not abuse conjuration(calling) magic circle spells, and the like to summon a fully advanced Great Wrym Adamantine Dragon into the material plane and kill it just I can self destruct and jack it's body.

[Dewani90]

- I cannot suggest that the big bad was a hobo we found at the beginning of the campaign turned into the Archduke of Bay-conn, Lord of Ham-iness.
- should we find an arabian assassin i must refrain of calling him Mustard-ffa the spicy.
- the plumpy dancer at the local strip club wasn't called Gel Athina the wiggly.
- i cannot name my pet dog/dragon/falcon "emergency rations" and i must refrain from eating it should the need arise.
- i cannot play DnD if i haven't eaten anything during the day period... i might get everyone hungry by the end of the session.

[DigoDragon]

* I am no longer allowed to guilt-trip the Royal Navy into joining my pirate crew just to make blockade runs for hot chocolate.

[Rater202]

* I am no longer allowed to guilt-trip the Royal Navy into joining my pirate crew just to make blockade runs for hot chocolate.

**Not even if we're all really just 11 year olds playing pretend.
***Though we are getting fed up at some of those Navy kids antics.

[toapat]

* I am no longer allowed to guilt-trip the Royal Navy into joining my pirate crew just to make blockade runs for hot chocolate.

Why dont you exist in every campaign and at every table

[SarcasticDom]

* I must not have my Inquisitorial Warband be saved by Ultra-Smurfs, as the psyker will explode out of rage
** Same for Necrons
*** And eldar

[Milodiah]

*Normal people's ideas of back-up plans typically do not consist of "wire the building/yacht/airplane/etc. with explosives beforehand."
**If I were to preemptively wire said building/yacht/airplane/etc. to blow, hearing someone say "Hastur" isn't a good enough reason to detonate. Especially if it's filled with innocents.
***Not allowed to "accidentally" resolve the debate on whether or not to detonate by handing the clacker to the least stable member of the party.
****No longer allowed to hold the clacker if I'm the least stable member of the party.
*****Pretending to trip while holding the clacker can only work so many times before people start getting suspicious.

*No longer allowed to order ramming speed.
**If ramming them the first time didn't work, ramming them again with the lifeboat probably won't either.
***Strapping machine guns to the lifeboat does not, in fact, make it a deathboat.
****On the other hand, the "don't fire on lifeboats" rule doesn't apply when said lifeboat is covered in machine guns and has "THE DEATHBOAT" spraypainted on the side.
*****No matter how much I try to think on the bright side, cannot rationalize the sharks circling us as an effective defensive perimeter.