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    OrcBarbarianGirl

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    Default Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Inspired by my two favorite threads, Simple Q&A by RAW and Dysfunctions in RAW, comes a 'fun-post' that has a distant possibility to become useful. In this thread, we take conundrums of the human condition and seek answers to them in the truest of all wisdom, the Rules As Written. I am most familiar with 3.5's RAW, so that's what I'm going to start this with, but if any other edition of D&D or any other roleplaying system has entertaining answers, feel free to use them.

    For the 'flavor' of the thread, let's try to keep this as procedural as possible. This will allow us to swiftly set aside philosophy and let us get back to rolling dice.

    Q 1
    What is beauty?

    Q 2
    What is the meaning of life?

    Q 3
    How can I make a good relationship?

    A 1
    Blinding Beauty is a supernatural special attack possessed by the Nymph creature on page 197 of the MM. All humanoids within 30 feet of the nymph must succeed on a save (Usually DC17, from the Nymph's Charisma) or be blinded as though by the blindness spell. A nymph can suppress or resume this ability as a free action
    Take that Engie!
    A 2
    A living creature has a Constitution score. Some living things are technically objects because they lack a Wisdom or Charisma score, such as mundane plants. Note that 'living' and 'animate' do not always have to go together...

    A 3
    See the table on Leadership scores on page 106 of the DMG.

    Seek wisdom and have fun.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    I LOVE it! This next question is for the lady DMs.

    Q 4 Does size really matter?
    If you cast Dispel Magic on my Gust of Wind, does that mean you're disgusting?

    In real estate, they say it's all about location, location, location. In D&D I say it's about action economy, action economy, action economy.

    Crystal Mage -- a homebrewed arcane tradition

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Sorry to disappoint; you asked for lady DMs, but you got me.

    A 4
    A size increase affects any special ability the creature has that is affected by size. Increased size also affects a creature’s ability scores, AC, attack bonuses, and damage values as indicated on the tables below. (Source.)

    Q 5
    What is love?
    My headache medicine has a little "Ex" inscribed on the pill. It's not a brand name; it's an indicator that it works inside an Anti-Magic Field.

    Blue text means sarcasm. Purple text means evil. White text is invisible.

    My signature got too big for its britches. So now it's over here!

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Fel View Post
    Q 5
    What is love?
    "Elixir of Love:
    This sweet-tasting liquid causes the character drinking it to become charmed with the first creature she sees after consuming the draft (as charm person—the drinker must be a humanoid of Medium or smaller size, Will DC 14 negates). The charm effects wear off in 1d3 hours.

    Faint transmutation; CL 4th; Craft Wondrous Item, charm person; Price 150 gp."
    Last edited by Extra Anchovies; 2014-09-09 at 10:03 PM.
    Please use they/them/theirs when referring to me in the third person.
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    Lay on hands? More like Lay your Eyes on this sick elbow drop!

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    RogueGuy

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Fel View Post

    Q 5
    What is love?
    A 5
    Baby don't hurt me.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Timballisto View Post
    A 5
    Baby don't hurt me.
    A 5 Addendum
    Infant giants have no listed statistics and cannot harm or be harmed by anyone.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Dalebert View Post
    I LOVE it! This next question is for the lady DMs.

    Q 4 Does size really matter?

    A 4
    Only for attacks rolls and trip attempts.
    Avatar of Rudisplork Avatar of PC-dom and Slayer of the Internet. Extended sig
    GitP Regulars as: Vestiges Spells Weapons Races Deities Feats Soulmelds/Veils
    Quote Originally Posted by Darrin View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Snowbluff View Post
    All gaming systems should be terribly flawed and exploitable if you want everyone to be happy with them. This allows for a wide variety of power levels for games for different levels of players.
    I dub this the Snowbluff Axiom.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Q6 What is virtue and can it be taught?
    No levelled malice
    Infects one comma in the course I hold;
    But flies an eagle flight, bold, and forth on,
    Leaving no track behind.

    Andrew Eldritch Avatar by Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Fel View Post
    What is love?
    Shrek is love?
    Pew pew

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Kalaska'Agathas View Post
    Q6 What is virtue and can it be taught?
    A6: Virtue is an orison, and is available to anyone through proper multiclassing.

    Q7: Is there life after death?
    Last edited by QuickLyRaiNbow; 2014-09-09 at 11:35 PM.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    A7
    Yes, spells like Resurrection and True Resurrection allow you to return to life, even after a horrible death. In addition spells like Reincarnate even let you be reborn.

    Q8
    Why are we here?

    Q9
    Are we alone in the universe?

    Q10
    What does it mean to be human?
    Proudly addicted to pointing out where exactly rules can be found.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    A 10
    Humans
    Medium: As Medium creatures, humans have no special bonuses or penalties due to their size.
    Human base land speed is 30 feet.
    1 extra feat at 1st level.
    4 extra skill points at 1st level and 1 extra skill point at each additional level.
    Automatic Language: Common. Bonus Languages: Any (other than secret languages, such as Druidic). See the Speak Language skill.
    Favored Class: Any. When determining whether a multiclass human takes an experience point penalty, his or her highest-level class does not count.
    No levelled malice
    Infects one comma in the course I hold;
    But flies an eagle flight, bold, and forth on,
    Leaving no track behind.

    Andrew Eldritch Avatar by Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
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    Oh, and you can just call me KA.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    A8

    To play D&D.
    The D&D game is a fantasy game of your imagination. It’s part acting, part storytelling, part social interaction, part war game, and part dice rolling. You and your friends create characters that develop and grow with each adventure they complete.
    PHB, page 4.


    A9

    Note that in the previously referred to quote "your friends" also exist, thus enabling you to play D&D.
    By this we can infer that if you have no friends, you cannot play D&D, thus you have no reason to exist.


    A10, Correction, Addendum

    Being a humanoid with the human subtype. By use of the Human Heritage feat (Races of Destiny page 152) you do not have to be human to be human.
    Last edited by AmberVael; 2014-09-09 at 11:57 PM.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Val666 View Post
    Shrek is love?
    Nonono. Shrek is life.
    Please use they/them/theirs when referring to me in the third person.
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    Quote Originally Posted by AGrinningCat View Post
    Lay on hands? More like Lay your Eyes on this sick elbow drop!

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Fel View Post
    Q 5
    What is love?
    Quote Originally Posted by Timballisto View Post
    A 5
    Baby don't hurt me.
    Aw, I hate it when I show up late to a good joke.

    ... Don't hurt me, no more.

    Q11
    How can I tell if money can buy love?

    And a special answer that is applicable to almost any of these questions

    A(nth)
    "Pazuzu, Pazuzu, Pazuzu."
    In my dreams, I am currently a druid 20/wizard 10/arcane hierophant 10/warshaper 5. Actually, after giving birth to a galaxy by splitting a black hole, level is no longer relevant.

    Extended Sigbox

    Quote Originally Posted by Keledrath View Post
    I've never been able to put my finger on how to describe you Phelix, but I think I have an idea now.

    You're Tippy's fluffy cousin...

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    A 11

    See A5.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cirrylius View Post
    That's how wizards beta test their new animals. If it survives Australia, it's a go. Which in hindsight explains a LOT about Australia.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    A11 Addendum/Correction
    It's a question of "how", not if a question of "if".

    And how can you tell if love is buyable? When it got a listed price in GP value, most often seen at the end of an item description or in a table wih items. But indeed see A5 where the price is listed for love.

    Q12 Since 9 failed me.
    Is there life on other planets except Earth?
    Proudly addicted to pointing out where exactly rules can be found.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    A12
    This is a setting dependent question. In most, "Earth" is unknown. There is, however, life on Khorvaire, Toril, Oerth, etc. Going by Spelljammer, several of these have other planets in the same sphere, which generally all have life. Note that "Earth" is theorized to be the home planet of a man named "Ed Greenwood", who met and befriended the wizard Elminster through a portal in his bathroom.

    Q13:
    What is the speed of light?
    Last edited by Eldan; 2014-09-10 at 02:25 AM.
    I solemnly swear,
    To devote my life and abilities,
    In defence of the United Nations of Earth,
    To defend the Constitution of Man,
    And to further the universal rights of all sentient life.
    From the depths of the pacific, to the edge of the galaxy.
    For as long as I shall live.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Eldan View Post
    A12
    This is a setting dependent question. In most, "Earth" is unknown. There is, however, life on Khorvaire, Toril, Oerth, etc. Going by Spelljammer, several of these have other planets in the same sphere, which generally all have life. Note that "Earth" is theorized to be the home planet of a man named "Ed Greenwood", who met and befriended the wizard Elminster through a portal in his bathroom.

    Q13:
    What is the speed of light?
    A13:
    Depends on whether it's quickened or not. If quickened it is a swift action to cast a light spell. If not quickened it is a standard action. In some cases light may be slower. Light and some other things are treated as occurring instantaneously. I can say this because of multispell. As you can cast multiple light spells in a round to a limit of as many light spells as you have the multispell feat and spell slots then the speed of light is infinite with infinite multispells and spell slots.

    Q14:
    How much dakka is enough?
    Last edited by gooddragon1; 2014-09-10 at 02:52 AM.
    There is no emotion more useless in life than hate.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    A14:
    The creature with the most HP I can find by a quick look through the Epic SRD is the Devastation Beetle at 2880 HP. Though there could be templates involved, of course. A Paragon Devastation Beetle as 5760 HP and DR 10. Double it for good measure, 11540. Round up a bit... 12000. You should rarely need to deal more than 12000 damage.
    I solemnly swear,
    To devote my life and abilities,
    In defence of the United Nations of Earth,
    To defend the Constitution of Man,
    And to further the universal rights of all sentient life.
    From the depths of the pacific, to the edge of the galaxy.
    For as long as I shall live.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Eldan View Post
    Q13:
    What is the speed of light?
    How is that a question which can't be answered?

    Q 15
    What is Art?
    Last edited by Kalaska'Agathas; 2014-09-10 at 03:25 AM.
    No levelled malice
    Infects one comma in the course I hold;
    But flies an eagle flight, bold, and forth on,
    Leaving no track behind.

    Andrew Eldritch Avatar by Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
    Psionic Tricks Handbook (WIP!)

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    Oh, and you can just call me KA.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Q 16

    If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

    Q 17

    How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

    Q 18

    What is the sound of one hand clapping?
    Revan avatar by kaptainkrutch.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cirrylius View Post
    That's how wizards beta test their new animals. If it survives Australia, it's a go. Which in hindsight explains a LOT about Australia.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Kalaska'Agathas View Post
    How is that a question which can't be answered?

    Q 15
    What is Art?
    A 15:Art Objects

    Q 19: What are feelings?
    Last edited by gooddragon1; 2014-09-10 at 03:36 AM.
    There is no emotion more useless in life than hate.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Kalaska'Agathas View Post
    How is that a question which can't be answered?

    Q 15
    What is Art?
    A 15
    Art is a type of treasure possessed by some creatures, but more usually found in dungeons and palaces. It tends to have a good GP-weight ratio, and is only useful for selling to acquire funds.
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    The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.
    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    I just don't want to have long romantic conversations or any sort of drama with my computer, okay? It knows what kind of porn I watch. I don't want to mess that up by allowing it to judge any of my choices in romance.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Snowbluff View Post
    A 4 Only for attacks rolls and trip attempts.
    Well THAT's a relief... for my friend, that is, my friend who wanted me to ask that question on his behalf. *ahem*
    "Trip attempt" he heh heh.
    Last edited by Dalebert; 2014-09-10 at 06:59 AM.
    If you cast Dispel Magic on my Gust of Wind, does that mean you're disgusting?

    In real estate, they say it's all about location, location, location. In D&D I say it's about action economy, action economy, action economy.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    A 17

    depends on the result of his profession woodchuck check.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by sideswipe View Post
    A 17

    depends on the result of his profession woodchuck check.
    I'd say "Craft: firewood".
    I solemnly swear,
    To devote my life and abilities,
    In defence of the United Nations of Earth,
    To defend the Constitution of Man,
    And to further the universal rights of all sentient life.
    From the depths of the pacific, to the edge of the galaxy.
    For as long as I shall live.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Eldan View Post
    I'd say "Craft: firewood".
    true but then he would be a guy making firewood, not a woodchuck as a job.

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Quote Originally Posted by Eldan View Post
    A12
    This is a setting dependent question. In most, "Earth" is unknown. There is, however, life on Khorvaire, Toril, Oerth, etc. Going by Spelljammer, several of these have other planets in the same sphere, which generally all have life. Note that "Earth" is theorized to be the home planet of a man named "Ed Greenwood", who met and befriended the wizard Elminster through a portal in his bathroom.
    From Lords of Madness:
    The tsochari hail from a world distant in space, a cold and lightless place so remote that the sun is little more than a bright star in a black sky.
    Sounds a lot like Pluto to me. So if you're using Tsochar, there are aliens.
    Please use they/them/theirs when referring to me in the third person.
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    Quote Originally Posted by AGrinningCat View Post
    Lay on hands? More like Lay your Eyes on this sick elbow drop!

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    Default Re: Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

    Q20: What doth life? Are we just fleshy blips in some meaningless stew of cosmic oblivion? Or is it vice re-versa?


    ...Sorry, I couldn't resist this philosophical gem.

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