Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

[No brains]

Inspired by my two favorite threads, Simple Q&A by RAW and Dysfunctions in RAW, comes a 'fun-post' that has a distant possibility to become useful. In this thread, we take conundrums of the human condition and seek answers to them in the truest of all wisdom, the Rules As Written. I am most familiar with 3.5's RAW, so that's what I'm going to start this with, but if any other edition of D&D or any other roleplaying system has entertaining answers, feel free to use them.

For the 'flavor' of the thread, let's try to keep this as procedural as possible. This will allow us to swiftly set aside philosophy and let us get back to rolling dice.

Q 1
What is beauty?

Q 2
What is the meaning of life?

Q 3
How can I make a good relationship?

A 1
Blinding Beauty is a supernatural special attack possessed by the Nymph creature on page 197 of the MM. All humanoids within 30 feet of the nymph must succeed on a save (Usually DC17, from the Nymph's Charisma) or be blinded as though by the blindness spell. A nymph can suppress or resume this ability as a free action
Take that Engie!
A 2
A living creature has a Constitution score. Some living things are technically objects because they lack a Wisdom or Charisma score, such as mundane plants. Note that 'living' and 'animate' do not always have to go together...

A 3
See the table on Leadership scores on page 106 of the DMG.

Seek wisdom and have fun.

[Dalebert]

I LOVE it! This next question is for the lady DMs.

Q 4 Does size really matter?

[Red Fel]

Sorry to disappoint; you asked for lady DMs, but you got me.

A 4
A size increase affects any special ability the creature has that is affected by size. Increased size also affects a creature’s ability scores, AC, attack bonuses, and damage values as indicated on the tables below. (Source.)

Q 5
What is love?

[Extra Anchovies]

Q 5
What is love?

"Elixir of Love:
This sweet-tasting liquid causes the character drinking it to become charmed with the first creature she sees after consuming the draft (as charm person—the drinker must be a humanoid of Medium or smaller size, Will DC 14 negates). The charm effects wear off in 1d3 hours.

Faint transmutation; CL 4th; Craft Wondrous Item, charm person; Price 150 gp."

[Timballisto]

Q 5
What is love?

A 5
Baby don't hurt me.

[No brains]

A 5
Baby don't hurt me.

A 5 Addendum
Infant giants have no listed statistics and cannot harm or be harmed by anyone.

[Snowbluff]

I LOVE it! This next question is for the lady DMs.

Q 4 Does size really matter?

A 4 Only for attacks rolls and trip attempts.

[Kalaska'Agathas]

Q6 What is virtue and can it be taught?

[Val666]

What is love?

Shrek is love?

[QuickLyRaiNbow]

Q6 What is virtue and can it be taught?

A6: Virtue is an orison, and is available to anyone through proper multiclassing.

Q7: Is there life after death?

[Yanisa]

A7
Yes, spells like Resurrection and True Resurrection allow you to return to life, even after a horrible death. In addition spells like Reincarnate even let you be reborn.

Q8
Why are we here?

Q9
Are we alone in the universe?

Q10
What does it mean to be human?

[Kalaska'Agathas]

A 10
Humans
Medium: As Medium creatures, humans have no special bonuses or penalties due to their size.
Human base land speed is 30 feet.
1 extra feat at 1st level.
4 extra skill points at 1st level and 1 extra skill point at each additional level.
Automatic Language: Common. Bonus Languages: Any (other than secret languages, such as Druidic). See the Speak Language skill.
Favored Class: Any. When determining whether a multiclass human takes an experience point penalty, his or her highest-level class does not count.

[AmberVael]

A8

To play D&D.

The D&D game is a fantasy game of your imagination. It’s part acting, part storytelling, part social interaction, part war game, and part dice rolling. You and your friends create characters that develop and grow with each adventure they complete.

PHB, page 4.


A9

Note that in the previously referred to quote "your friends" also exist, thus enabling you to play D&D.
By this we can infer that if you have no friends, you cannot play D&D, thus you have no reason to exist.


A10, Correction, Addendum

Being a humanoid with the human subtype. By use of the Human Heritage feat (Races of Destiny page 152) you do not have to be human to be human.

[Extra Anchovies]

Shrek is love?

Nonono. Shrek is life.

[Phelix-Mu]

Q 5
What is love?

A 5
Baby don't hurt me.

Aw, I hate it when I show up late to a good joke.

... Don't hurt me, no more.

Q11
How can I tell if money can buy love?

And a special answer that is applicable to almost any of these questions

A(nth)
"Pazuzu, Pazuzu, Pazuzu."

[Sith_Happens]

A 11

See A5.

[Yanisa]

A11 Addendum/Correction
It's a question of "how", not if a question of "if".

And how can you tell if love is buyable? When it got a listed price in GP value, most often seen at the end of an item description or in a table wih items. But indeed see A5 where the price is listed for love.

Q12 Since 9 failed me.
Is there life on other planets except Earth?

[Eldan]

A12
This is a setting dependent question. In most, "Earth" is unknown. There is, however, life on Khorvaire, Toril, Oerth, etc. Going by Spelljammer, several of these have other planets in the same sphere, which generally all have life. Note that "Earth" is theorized to be the home planet of a man named "Ed Greenwood", who met and befriended the wizard Elminster through a portal in his bathroom.

Q13:
What is the speed of light?

[gooddragon1]

A12
This is a setting dependent question. In most, "Earth" is unknown. There is, however, life on Khorvaire, Toril, Oerth, etc. Going by Spelljammer, several of these have other planets in the same sphere, which generally all have life. Note that "Earth" is theorized to be the home planet of a man named "Ed Greenwood", who met and befriended the wizard Elminster through a portal in his bathroom.

Q13:
What is the speed of light?

A13:
Depends on whether it's quickened or not. If quickened it is a swift action to cast a light spell. If not quickened it is a standard action. In some cases light may be slower. Light and some other things are treated as occurring instantaneously. I can say this because of multispell. As you can cast multiple light spells in a round to a limit of as many light spells as you have the multispell feat and spell slots then the speed of light is infinite with infinite multispells and spell slots.

Q14:
How much dakka is enough?

[Eldan]

A14:
The creature with the most HP I can find by a quick look through the Epic SRD is the Devastation Beetle at 2880 HP. Though there could be templates involved, of course. A Paragon Devastation Beetle as 5760 HP and DR 10. Double it for good measure, 11540. Round up a bit... 12000. You should rarely need to deal more than 12000 damage.

[Kalaska'Agathas]

Q13:
What is the speed of light?

How is that a question which can't be answered?

Q 15
What is Art?

[Sith_Happens]

Q 16

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Q 17

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Q 18

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

[gooddragon1]

How is that a question which can't be answered?

Q 15
What is Art?

A 15:Art Objects

Q 19: What are feelings?

[Heliomance]

How is that a question which can't be answered?

Q 15
What is Art?

A 15
Art is a type of treasure possessed by some creatures, but more usually found in dungeons and palaces. It tends to have a good GP-weight ratio, and is only useful for selling to acquire funds.

[Dalebert]

A 4 Only for attacks rolls and trip attempts.

Well THAT's a relief... for my friend, that is, my friend who wanted me to ask that question on his behalf. *ahem*
"Trip attempt" he heh heh.

[sideswipe]

A 17

depends on the result of his profession woodchuck check.

[Eldan]

A 17

depends on the result of his profession woodchuck check.

I'd say "Craft: firewood".

[sideswipe]

I'd say "Craft: firewood".

true but then he would be a guy making firewood, not a woodchuck as a job.

[Extra Anchovies]

A12
This is a setting dependent question. In most, "Earth" is unknown. There is, however, life on Khorvaire, Toril, Oerth, etc. Going by Spelljammer, several of these have other planets in the same sphere, which generally all have life. Note that "Earth" is theorized to be the home planet of a man named "Ed Greenwood", who met and befriended the wizard Elminster through a portal in his bathroom.

From Lords of Madness:

The tsochari hail from a world distant in space, a cold and lightless place so remote that the sun is little more than a bright star in a black sky.

Sounds a lot like Pluto to me. So if you're using Tsochar, there are aliens.

[Jagernaut]

Q20: What doth life? Are we just fleshy blips in some meaningless stew of cosmic oblivion? Or is it vice re-versa?


...Sorry, I couldn't resist this philosophical gem.