New OOTS products from CafePress
New OOTS t-shirts, ornaments, mugs, bags, and more
Results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: My apologies.

  1. - Top - End - #1
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Lentrax's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    In the Final Frontier
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default My apologies.

    This is not the time of month where I am, as one would like to call me, sane.

    Today I spent hours scrubbing at my hands, trying to remove the blood I knew could never come away. I had to scrub it away.

    Tears, chocking sins, and tears. What do u do? Where do you go?

    How do you stand it, all of it in your heads? Sorrow is within my soul.

    Can it be free?

    Can I?
    Last edited by Lentrax; 2014-09-14 at 03:23 PM.

    Co-Founder of LUTAS.
    For all you lesser superheroes out there.

    Custom STO avatar by Durkoala.


    A novella about a wizard and a rock star, cross-dimensional travel, and healing wounds neither knew were there.

    Spoiler: Online stuffs
    Show
    Lentrax has a Deviantart now, check it out!

    Streaming Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 11CST on Twitch.

    Follow me on Twitter!

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    banthesun's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: My apologies.

    Dunno what's going on, but it doesn't sound good. I'm wishing you all the best. Stay safe.
    Spoiler
    Show
    Awesome Iron Chef avatars by Neoseph7! Murkrow avatar of coolness by Introbulus!

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Asta Kask's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Gothenburg, Sweden
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: My apologies.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lentrax View Post
    This is not the time of month where I am, as one would like to call me, sane.

    Today I spent hours scrubbing at my hands, trying to remove the blood I knew could never come away. I had to scrub it away.

    Tears, chocking sins, and tears. What do u do? Where do you go?

    How do you stand it, all of it in your heads? Sorrow is within my soul.

    Can it be free?

    Can I?
    I don't know. But you can probably get better than you are now. Is that worth something?
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
    ― Tim Fargo

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Miraqariftsky's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Stormwracked verdant hive
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: My apologies.

    Hold on, ma'am. Hold on.
    Wishing you the best
    This stranger's tiny prayers
    Hoping from woe, your heart to wrest
    Think of all those who make you smile
    Those whom you've carried many a mile---
    ---Feel their pulse, their gratitude
    Oh let hope and peace, into your heart
    Intrude
    Ma'am, comrade Lena, hold on.
    Avatarcred: HELL YEAH to THE Oneris! Ma'am, thank you, ma'am.
    Previous Avatars: by Dr Bath, Strawberries, zimmerwald1915

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Lentrax's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    In the Final Frontier
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: My apologies.

    Thank you all, my lovely forumites.

    You each gave me something I needed to survive.

    You each gave me a reason to live.

    And now as I must always do in the barren wasteland of my mind...

    Find 364 more ways to hold on.

    Co-Founder of LUTAS.
    For all you lesser superheroes out there.

    Custom STO avatar by Durkoala.


    A novella about a wizard and a rock star, cross-dimensional travel, and healing wounds neither knew were there.

    Spoiler: Online stuffs
    Show
    Lentrax has a Deviantart now, check it out!

    Streaming Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 11CST on Twitch.

    Follow me on Twitter!

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Troll in the Playground
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    France
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: My apologies.

    Found this thread late.
    Hold on, and remember there's nothing to apologize to us for.*
    Depression might be talking for you there. If it is, let it know that it sucks and that you've got better things to do than to listen to its lies.



    *Unless you've programmed a virus, that has already stealthily taken over this forum's code, and that will mind control everybody still logged on in 5 minutes into giving you our money and secretly-loaded dice, in which case, yes, apologies will be welcome.
    Quote Originally Posted by on Dwarf Fortress succession games
    I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dwarf Fortress 0.40.01 bugs
    - If an adventurer shouts and nobody is around to hear it, the game crashes
    - War Dogs appear to run from themselves in terror
    - New tree generation frequently causes birds to explode

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Banned
     
    SiuiS's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Somewhere south of Hell
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: My apologies.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lentrax View Post
    Can it be free?

    Can I?
    From a rhetorical perspective;

    No. You can work with it. Integrate it. Come to terms with it. But it's going to be there. What is important is not sins, but if you can make them... Not sinful? Actions and memories will remain but do not need to be a source of pain.

    I haven't done what you have. I can only speak of my own weight. But I would rather maintain my transgressions, and become stronger from them rather than expunge them from me. I understand the value of expunging, but doing so seems, deeply, a betrayal of my self.

    I'm philosophically different from you, though. Very Thyrsus. It affects how I relate to reality. I can only hope what works for me doesn't cause you deeper pain.

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Philemonite's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: My apologies.

    I am sorry I can't offer much, I am not really my best lately, but I just want you to know that you have all my support (even if it's not much) and my PM box is always opened for you. Unless it is clogged, in which case I have to clean it up.
    Spoiler: Quotes
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Xhosant View Post
    This is evil, evil GMing. Brilliant, good sir!

    LGBTAitP
    Philemon avatar by the awesome Morbis Meh.
    Suikoden Tabletop-Work in progress

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Lentrax's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    In the Final Frontier
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: My apologies.

    Some of the things I have done May have been for the right reasons, but they can never be right with the soul.

    And some of them will never be able to fade away.

    But, regardless of the source or the results, they were my choices, my decisions. I must bear the burdens of such choices myself. And though they indeed be heavy, and bear me down, I can come before you all and say:

    I still stand.

    I may be broken, battered, bruised and scarred. I may have been burnt and bleeding. I have been knocked down, and back, and to the side. I have been tossed about, throttled, shot, beaten and pushed past anything any human should be.

    But I still stand.

    Co-Founder of LUTAS.
    For all you lesser superheroes out there.

    Custom STO avatar by Durkoala.


    A novella about a wizard and a rock star, cross-dimensional travel, and healing wounds neither knew were there.

    Spoiler: Online stuffs
    Show
    Lentrax has a Deviantart now, check it out!

    Streaming Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 11CST on Twitch.

    Follow me on Twitter!

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Killer Angel's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Lustria
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: My apologies.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lentrax View Post
    But I still stand.
    For what it's worth, you have my sympathy, and my good wishes...
    Last edited by Killer Angel; 2014-09-23 at 06:47 AM.
    Do I contradict myself?
    Very well then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes. (W.Whitman)


    Things that increase my self esteem:
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Kaiyanwang View Post
    Great analysis KA. I second all things you said
    Quote Originally Posted by JoeYounger View Post
    Great analysis KA, I second everything you said here.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu_Bonkosi View Post
    If I have a player using Paladin in the future I will direct them to this. Good job.
    Quote Originally Posted by grimbold View Post
    THIS is proof that KA is amazing
    Quote Originally Posted by PairO'Dice Lost View Post
    Killer Angel, you have an excellent taste in books
    Quote Originally Posted by Eldan View Post
    Historical zombies is a fantastic idea.

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Melayl's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    In my own little world...
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: My apologies.

    I don't know what you've done or had done to you, but if you need help to work through it, you can look in the spoiler in my signature. There's references there for folks who can help you.

    Be well.
    Custom Melayl avatar by my cousin, ~thejason10, used with his permission. See his work at his Deviant Art page.
    My works:
    Need help?
    Spoiler
    Show
    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA)
    1-800-273-TALK (8255), 24/7
    www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
    In Australia: Lifeline, 13 11 14, 24/7
    Reach Out Australia
    Beyond Blue, 1300 22 4636
    The Samaritans (UK too) UK: 08457 90 90 90, ROI: 1850 60 90 90

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •