The Romanov incident (a 3.5 campaign journal)

[curious-puzzle]

I've really been enjoying this game I'm playing in, and I figured that I would try my hand at entertaining others with our shenanigans. We are a crew working for our local city's Thieves guild (who unofficially does wetwork for the government when the cause and price is right), hired to investigate the sudden overwhelming prosperity of the nearby country of Romanov. Our mission is to find out who or what is causing it, and end it by whatever means we see fit. No pressure for some level 1 heroes, right? And speaking of, "heroes," well...kind of;

Kas, LE human rogue: The mission leader and only actual member of the Thieves Guild, Kas is a coldly professional burglar, assassin, and all around sneak. Despite having made an enemy (or enemies) higher up in the guild, Kas has survived through talent, following the rules exactly, and an extra double sized serving of paranoia. It also helps that she has a bit of an eerie aura about her (the Death Devotion feat).
Kas' player is planning on going into a homebrew prestige class, a Glass Ghost (assassin like, but more emphasis on mobility and disappearing quickly after dealing nasty sneak attacks).

Tywin (placeholder for terrifyingly long gnomish last name), N gnome artificier: A brilliant inventor and ally/sometimes fence of Kas, Tywin is the cover of our mission, as he is ostensibly moving his workshop to Romanov to share in their success. Tywin acts mostly through enhancing others, as he is crippled and unable to walk, restrained to his little gnome-sized wheelchair. He's ferociously intelligent and a ruthless bargainer; not the sort you want to be indebted to for long. He also has a talent for siege weaponry, more on that later.
I think Tywin's player is going with straight artificier. I keep urging him to make a golem mechsuit to ride around in, but I don't know if I've convinced him yet.

Frederick "Call me Fred" the Devout, CN (I think?) Half-elf Crusader: Tywin's muscle, Frederick's lack of concern for most day-to-day matters is matched only by his appalling talent for violence. He's quite happy for Tywin to keep him equipped, fed, and employed, and in return, will demolish whatever Tywin needs smashed. Just don't let him be on his own for too long, or property rates will rise.
As far as I know, Fred's player is planning on sticking with straight crusader, with maybe some small dips for feats and the like.

Haearnbydd, CN elf (conjurer) wizard: A piratical mercenary magi, Haearn is motivated by new experiences as much as money. Having done quite a bit of work for the Thieves Guild on the side, Haearn was more than willing to entertain a long term mission. After all, what's a few years when you live for centuries? As the only member assigned to Kas rather than chosen, however, he may have ulterior motives...*dun dun dun*
My character, I'm going into master specialist, then Malconvoker. I banned evocation and necromancy, so I can still kind of be the party face if need be...and the personality may or may not have been influenced by me reading Journey into Mystery and Loki Agent of Asgard while creating him :).

So there's the motley band, and here be our fitting group theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhwDxNqWtxk
Next time it'll actually be some adventuring, sorry.

[curious-puzzle]

Our merry quest of sabotage begins with Kas being called for an audience with the Guildmaster. Upon arrival, she was informed of her selection for a "special" mission to travel to Romanov. Authorized to hire several allies, there would also one member assigned to her detail; a wizard that had done prior work for the guild. Kas was to do this with all due haste, leave as soon as possible, and by the way don't come back if you don't succeed. Suitably motivated, Kas quickly headed to her best shot at a plausible cover and competent allies.

Arriving at Tywin's shop, Kas makes an offer and promptly proceeds to be out-negotiated. After some painful concessions, an accord is reached, and Frederick is sent out to hire teamsters and start packing the shop. Meanwhile, I chow down on brunch, waiting for Kas to find me and work out the final details. Now, when I was hired, I was given some additional tasks. I was to aid Kas any way I could, and do my best to unearth Romanov's mystery, but after that, I would receive a hefty bonus if Kas didn't make it back from Romanov. I was given a gem that could be used to communicate with my employer. Once she arrived we made plans to depart the following day, but before we could leave a gang of thugs, ruffians, and all around rapscallions arrived! With the advantage of numbers, the thugs quickly made their intentions clear; the girl's brain, all over the floor. I took offense to their attmpted derailing of what could be an intriguing adventure (plus any backstabbing wasn't to occur until after the mission). Initiative!

The thugs advance menacingly, surrounding us. I respond by using rapid summons to call up everyone's favorite pet: a bulldog sized tarantula. It takes a bite out of a thug, who does his best to squelch the creepy crawly. Kas does a magic trick, and makes a dagger appear in thug # 2's face. The other thugs jump in, and one manages to bludgeon Kas across the head. However, the thugs make the critical mistake of standing in a roughly 15' cone shape. Color spray drops two of the lunks, and Kas uses her death devotion ability to instakill another. After that, the remaining legbreakers quickly re-evaluate their life choices and flee. I find a quiet place to hide out until tomorrow, grab the gem, and demand just what the hell that stunt was.

"Plans have accelerated." The gem informs me irritably. "Why did you get in the way? She could have been dead right then-"

me:"And me as well, so you wouldn't have to pay me AND get the first part of the payment back?"
gem:"...you still have your mission. Do it as soon as possible."
me:"I'll take it under advisement."

The night passes attempted-murder free, and the wagon train full of miscellaneous parts, widgets, heavy equipment, and knicknacks leaves for Romanov. It'll be a several month journey by wagon. I'm sure nothing unusual will happen, right?

Right?

[Kol Korran]

This has an intriguing start, and I like the style so far! Will be looking into it.

"Kas does a magic trick, and makes a dagger appear in thug # 2's face." Ha!

[curious-puzzle]

Spoiler: There's gobbos in them there hills

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The first few days of the trip pass without incident. Tywin and I have a little "who knows more about the obscure theorems presented by Abraphonicus the Arcane Warmaster, who was actually blitzed out of his mind on pixie dust when he wrote his best work" (i.e. who has the higher spellcraft and knowledge arcana). Honor satisfied, we continue to mage-nerd out and scare everyone else away from the wagon. We make it into country "x" (I can't remember the name for the life of me), and the first town we go through warns us about goblins on the road. More importantly, they mention the bounty of a gold piece per pair of goblin ears. Money for violence? Fred (and the rest of the party, but especially Fred) are suddenly extra vigilant for some unfortunate little greenskins. Luckily for us, up in the hills before the next town, Kas scouts out a goblin ambush round the bend. Tywin infuses his crossbow and Fred's sword with goblin bane, and we set up some shields as cover in the wagon. Kas cuts out to the side to flank them, and Fred just grins, clangs his sword and shield together, and charges down the road.

Without the element of surprise, the goblin raiding party quickly becomes a bleeding to death-full of crossbow quarrels-missing ears party. They don't really stand a chance, and we scoop up a few pairs of ears. Sauntering into the next town, we gleefully collect our bounty. The mayor pays us just as cheerfully, and mentions that his trackers think they've located the den that most of the raids are coming from (about a half day's hard travel from the town using the tracker's routes), and is paying a sizable bonus for anyone willing to stop the raids permanently. We agree to kill more things for shiny coins, and park the wagons for a couple days. Before setting out for the den, however, Tywin whips up a few flasks of alchemist's fire. Kas makes sure her numerous knives are sharp, and continues to unnerve everyone.

Spoiler: But not once we're through with them!

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We reach the den, where the hills start to turn into mountains. Kas gets the drop on a very lazy sentry, and makes a note to collect the ears on the way out, as the corpse ragdolls Skyrim-style down the hill. Sneaking in-well, everyone but Fred sneaks in. He just clangs along behind us as quietly as he can. Reaching a fork in the tunnels, we hunker down while Kas ghosts down the right path. Eventually she comes to what must be the living quarters of the goblins, with pots of either stew or laundry bubbling away (it's hard to tell), and unarmed goblins lounging about with what must be children. Sneaking back, Kas reports in and we decide to check the other passage first. We're looking to take out the warriors, and preferably the chieftan. We're quicker on the draw than a pair of sentries, and the only alarm they make is a faint smack as they hit the ground. Emerging into a larger cavern, we hit paydirt.

A whole bunch of goblins (what's the noun for a collective of goblins? A stain? A scab? I like scab, but let's see some suggestions), at least 20 are all praying and chanting around a large altar. One goblin sits closest to the altar, and is clearly leading the ceremony (plus he's wearing some semblance of armor). Also, lurking off to one side...is an orc. There's the driving force behind the increase in raids. Kas sneaks into position inside the cavern, Tywin and I prep scrolls, spells, and crossbows, and then it's go time. Fred surges into the cavern, crashing through the edge of the goblins and on the warpath towards the orc. As everyone reacts to the crazy man in armor, the rest of us move in, lob a bit of alchemist's fire into the crowd, and then I move close enough to color spray right across a swath of the gobbos. Most fail their save and froth at the mouth as Sandstorm plays in the background. Fred and the orc crash together and exchange blows. Being a crusader, Fred then hits back even harder. The orc doesn't like this one bit, and uses his spiked chain to tangle Fred up and dump him on his face. This is where Kas slides in and does her best to ventilate the orc's kidneys. She lands some big hits, and manages to survive long enough for Fred to get back up, and they finish the orc leader off (the DM's pathetic dice helped too).

While this was going on, I retreated back towards Tywin, and attracted the goblin priest's attention (who made his save alas). He tries to hit me with some sort of will save, and I pass. I start trying to snipe him with my wand of lesser orb of fire, to little success at first. The goblins who are still awake start to mob towards us, and Tywin pulls out one of his big guns: a scroll of Sound Burst. As many goblins that can easily fit in a 10ft radius burst explode, and Kas and Fred make it to the priest. Tripleteaming does its work, and we mop up the remaining goblins with some dings and scrapes.

Patching ourselves up while collecting ears, Tywin and I examine the altar, discovering that it is dedicated to Gruumsh. I do the obligatory elf curse and spit, and Tywin pulls out a small adamantine chisel. Using his craft skill, he busily taps away for a few minutes at a fault in the statue. Then after being wheeled away by Anton (his hireling who wheels Tywin around, hides behind a tower shield if there's combat, and provides dry commentary), Fred delivers a mighty blow, and the statue crumbles. We score some nice loot off the orc and the priest. We check the living quarters on the way out, and they are eeempty. Satisfied that the goblin's ability to raid so aggressively is broken with the orc's death, we head back to the entrance.

We still totally light their stuff on fire though.

We collect the ear bounty and the bonus, and triumphantly continue on our way the next day, having reached 2nd level!

So, first few combats go smooth as butter. The DM had pretty poor dice for most of the combats, and we worked together quite effectively. The next few combats are going to be different, though...

And a side note for those who are a little curious; we all started with a bonus 3000g(!), meant to represent either being equipped for the mission (or payment for nefarious deeds in the future, mwaha). The DM also said this was to allow us to equip ourselves for not having a healer of any sort in the party (I also think it was so he could throw whatever he wants at us without feeling any guilt :p ). So Fred is in full plate, I have a healing belt, a couple 1st level wands, and extra spells in the spellbook, Kas has some nice leather armor and some poisons, and Tywin has...well, a lot of schtuff (plus he made Fred's armor). Don't worry that the extra equipment will let us breeze through everything (though it certainly helps); it'll balance out shortly.

[curious-puzzle]

I almost forgot one more thing that happened before leaving town! Kas stopped in with the local gang of thieves and cutthroats, who's home base was the charmingly named Rat's Nest (the actual tavern name was the Eagle's nest, but when the stench of urine, failure, and shame radiates all the way across the street, Rat's nest fits a little better). Impressing the brute of a boss, Kas picked up an apprentice; a skinny little thing by the name of Grass Clippings, who happened to be a little whiz at botany. As to the true reason for picking up a minion, none of us know. My bet is she wants a handy snackrifice when she goes full Michael Myers on everyone. Tywin seals the alliance with the thieves by drawing him a legible sign for the hours of their establishment; the past one used pictograms terrifyingly akin to monkeys eating paint and firing the leavings at a wall.

[curious-puzzle]

All right, let's try something a little nicer than BLOCKS OF TEXT.

Spoiler: Country 1 defeated!

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We depart with new treasure, more gold, and a minion! Kas quickly sets him to "practicing," which seems awfully similar to gopher duties at first. Later comes sneaking practice, and pickpocketing 202. Once everyone else has settled down for the evening, I grab a hold of my gemstone.

cranky gem: "Any progress? Is she dead yet?"
me: "Not yet. We're in the middle of nowhere, not like I can pass it off as a strange accident."
gem: "She must die! Do it as soon as poss-"
me:"Yeah yeah *cuts connection*"

The near obsession is starting to give me the heebie jeebies. Anywho, we make it to the border, and cross over into country "y." The border guards take note of our numerous weapons, and warn us to keep them at the ready. We think the last country had problems? This one has orc raiders. Everywhere. If you're not inside a walled town, you're in serious trouble. At least, that's what the guards have to say. The fact that they have a spare set of country "x"'s uniforms each in case things go pear-shaped speaks to their sincerity however (or at least their pragmatic cowardice). Strangely enough, the orcs became far more numerous and aggressive about a year ago...which is right about when the goblins in country "x" started swarming...and around the same time that Romanov's economy kicked into overdrive.

Some people believe in coincidence. Some people are stupid, and deserve to be treated as such.

Spoiler: A new challenger/country appears!

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This new country is quiet...not too quiet though, just a little muffled. We see nothing of people or orcs, other than a few burned out farmsteads. After a couple unnerving nights, we come across a heavily fortified town. It looks fairly grim; the guards are burning a pile of orc corpses as we enter, and it's just the latest in a series of raids. We chat with the guard captain briefly (a seriously armed caravan being a mite unusual lately), and he's pretty fatalistic about the town's chances to hold out if the raids keep coming at this pace. We question him about sallying forth and breaking the orcs metaphorical back; apparently it's been tried repeatedly. Either the heroes/mercs/plucky band of misfits kill a bunch of orcs and leave, and the raids just come back a little later, or the wannabes just don't come back at all. We don't start singing a pledge of allegiance, but we agree to wipe out any orcs we come across. Tywin takes note of the open central square, with a clear view of the gates and field beyond... and goes to the mayor with a proposition.

The proposition? Give him a crew of workers, lumber, stone, and a few days, and he will plunk a lovely trebuchet down right in the center of town. And what do the rest of us get up to?

Spoiler: Fight!

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I read.
And write.
And spend inordinate amounts of time scribing new spells into my spellbook. Why does it take a whole day? Wwaaaaahhh-sorry, pay no mind to the wizard, he's used to playing sorcerers. While I get my quill on, and Tywin directs the construction of the trebuchet, Fred decides that Kas needs to brush up on her martial skills. By duelling with whatever weapons are at hand!

...yeah, this'll end well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOvDTCbcHe0
In this corner, the paragon of pugnacious pummeling, armed with a club, Frederick!
And in this..no, stay there, you can't sneak up behind him that's not the point! Ahem, in this corner, the sinister silent slayer Kas, armed with...A lance?!

Tywin is pulled/wheeled away from the trebuchet long enough to slap merciful enchantments on the weapons. A small crowd spontaneously gathers, which seems to happen whenever violence of any sort is imminent. And they're off!
Kas wins initiative, and actually manages to land a solid hit! Which barely phases Frederick, who then bludgeons Kas repeatedly until she falls over. Round one, the man in full armor. Shocker, I know. Kas is revived from slumberland, and they switch weapons for round two, which has several key differences already;
1: The club is a simple weapon, with a throwing range
2: Fred didn't heal any of the nonlethal damage from before

Once again Kas wins initiative, and this time, she flings the hunk of wood right into Fred's face, dealing enough nonlethal that he would be out cold...except for the delayed damage pool. The club falls to the ground, a little trickle of blood, and then Frederick nonlethally Mountain Hammers Kas into next week (I have my doubts to the legality, but it was fun). Then the damage catches up, Fred snorts a gout of blood from his assuredly broken nose, and falls over, doubletapping said nose. Everyone agrees to no more sparring.

The trebuchet is now complete! It can even pivot and everything! With our meta-sense tingling, we hunker down for the orc raid that's sure to occur.

And wait a night.

And another.

And another.

And the day that we're finally about to pack up and leave, one of the foresters comes howling back into town, wailing about orcs. Turns out he almost physically tripped over some orcs sleeping in a copse of trees (side note, the DM had a tongue-slip and said corpse of trees, and we've been harassing him about it for weeks. We're supportive like that). He managed to outrun any that started to give chase. There is some brief AND SERIOUS talk about using the trebuchet to air drop someone into the general vicinity until I summon up a disposable mount for Kas to use to sneak in and out fast.

Our efficient scout does indeed find the orcs. A lot of them. Whoever would call it a raiding party would be grossly inaccurate. Warband is still a little soft, but it's thankfully not a Waagh, but I digress. She does the smart thing and hightails it back (but not before taking a bit of arrow fire from scary perceptive sentries). We lob a few stones in what we think is roughly the right direction, and wait for the orcs to arrive.

[curious-puzzle]

Appropriate music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fL22p2Ln-4c

Spoiler: It's a long night ahead

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We are obliged as soon as the sun sets. With the wail of horns, the pounding of drums, and a massed roar, the orcs charge towards the town! Tywin is at the trebuchet with his faithful servant Anton and some other lackeys to load and adjust, Fred is at the main gates to push back when they break (and with this many orcs, it's a matter of when). I position myself on the wall by the main gate, so I have a good view. Kas?

Kas decides that open combat is for suckers, and goes to check out that nice looking villa while everyone is rushing around preparing for the immediate orc invasion.

The half buried barrels of pitch outside the walls are ignited as the orcs close, both to give light for archers and to scorch any orc foolish enough to get too close. The townsfolk grimly brace for what will probably be the last fight of their lives.

Kas finds a purse full of coins! It's like someone just left it lying there for her...like they were distracted by something

The orcs surge through the arrows from the walls, nowhere near enough to slow the tide of savage greenskins. The wall shakes as bodies crash against it, and those not hit by javelins thrust spears downward and chop at heavy ladders.

Kas discovers that the villa belongs to the noble who's ostensibly in charge of this town. She also finds said noble passed out drunk trying to hide under his bed. Kas robs him blind, and is especially impressed by the golden drinking flask that is encrusted with gems. She merrily goes on her way, briefly wondering if there's something important she's neglecting

By this point, a tightly packed gang of orcs splinter the main gate! Which triggers my action to introduce them to the joys of (you guessed it) color spray! NSFW soundbite:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9E-UxiWmi0
They are either shot or stabbed by townsfolk and guards, and then trampled by the next wave of orcs. These orcs get to meet our living wall, a tight unit of spearmen led by our friend Fred. Fred proceeds to tank and annihilate numerous orcs through a combination of high AC (full plate, heavy shield, an ioun stone that we found) solid damage (orc bane infusion + martial manuevers, and luck.

I burn a couple more spells, Fred keeps murdernating, and Tywin keeps crashing boulders down outside the walls (by the by, the Trebuchet had been infused with distance and seeking at this point). Kas graces the battle with her presence () and starts stalking alleys in preparation for lone orcs. Things are actually going all right.

That's when huge chunks of ice start pounding down on the walls and main gate, killing a lot of the defenders and hurting me (not too high of a roll thankfully). Peering up for where the hell that came from, I see a familiar streak of orange light zip towards the gate and walls. I have just enough time to scream "GET DOWN!" and duck behind the wall before the Fireball erupts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BbU7DFfrJQ

Spoiler: And it's not over yet

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So the main gate is flat out gone, I'm down to 3 hit points (and the only reason I'm not barbecued elf is I was allowed to take Fairie Mysteries Initiate as a feat), most of the other defenders near here are dead or in no shape to keep fighting, and Fred is getting low on hit points. I use my keen elven vision to gauge the distance, and use a message spell to tell Tywin exactly where to drop a big angry boulder down onto. He obliges, but not before using a scroll of True Strike.

The DM glared at us a little for that one. Just a little. The boulder soars through the air, Tywin gets to roll a lot of dice, but it's too far away to tell if it splattered the spellcaster(s), or just pissed them off. Spoiler, it didn't kill them. Yes, THEM. With a puff of smoke, a howler bounds through the ruins of the gate, and promptly drops Fred. Uh oh. I look at the singed (but still conscious!) guard next to me, squelch the rush of guilt while I briefly apologize, and use benign transposition to swap the guard with Fred. I heal Fred with my healing belt while said guard gets eaten/skewered/chopped/hacked. Fred is about to hop back into the fight, but we notice the Trebuchet shifting and pointing downwards. Tywin's spotters had seen how bad the front gate was going, and the group of heavy orc infantry pounding feet towards it. So he aimed the trebuchet as low and close as he could...and rolls a 20. Remember that scene from Return of the King, where the orc leader sidesteps the huge chunk of stone and spits on it? Imagine that, minus the sidestepping. The howler gets bashed, the orcs get crushed, and the boulder continues on its bouncing path of death. The howler's not quite dead though (somehow) and the two orc spellcasters have almost made it to the gate despite my heroic blind fire from the smoldering battlements. Fred manages to finish off the Howler, then scrambles out of the way as Tywin fires another boulder right down the pipes just as the spellcasters arrive. The arcane one dives out of the way, but the priestly one (who had healed the two of them after the very first boulder apparently) gets clipped! Still standing though. Mildly panicked, the mage drops obscuring mist. I roll my miss chance, and snipe the priest for some more damage with my wand of lesser fire orb...which acts as tracer fire for Fred. He pounds up and MOUNTAIN HAMMERS the priest (sorry, felt that had to be in capitals). Kas finally makes it to the front gate after slitting some orc throats here and there, and sees the orc mage right before he drops the obscuring mist. She ghosts through it only to spot the orc mage prudently running for his life. Both Kas and I fail to put the mage down before he runs out of range. Hearing renewed screams from the center of town, we all turn and start running/staggering/limping towards the trebuchet.

While we were facing down the spellcasters, Tywin had noticed a fist of heavily armed and armored orcs cutting their way through everything on their way towards the trebuchet. These were no slapdash orcs with nothing but a loincloth and a greataxe, oh no. They stank of class levels and command. Tywin reviews his (completely empty) list of infusions, and his (completely empty) collection of scrolls. A volley of crossbow bolts drops a couple, but not the big important looking ones. So Tywin draws his little gnome sized scimitar, lets out a gnome sized "Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of WAR!", and "charges" forward with his chair.

...what? It was late.

The attack of opportunity from the orc fails to kill Tywin (presumably because he's laughing too hard). Tywin's heroic attack does nada, and the orc captain's attack knocks him to -3. Luckily, the captain is either too amused by Tywin or too distracted by the remaining militia to finish him off, so the three of us make it onto the scene and kill the last couple orcs and revive Tywin with his own healing belt at -7 or -8 (he had stabilized if I remember correctly though).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3suGfhnT2Sg

Spoiler: It's over?

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We all survive! I'm out of everything except for an obscuring mist and a detect magic, Tywin is out of everything, and we all used almost every consumable item we had, offensive or otherwise. Almost half the town is dead, but most of it isn't on fire, and you can count on one hand the number of orcs that escaped, so sweet victory by the skin of our teeth. And a trebuchet.

We were a good chunk through level 2 before this crazy battle, and thanks to things escalating a little out of hand on each side (we build trebuchet, he throws 6th or 7th level casters at us), and the sheer number of orcs dead, our xp gain skyrockets us right into level 4. The guard captain survived, and he promises once the town is no longer full of orc corpses and a little on fire, we all have VIP status in the village for the rest of his life (or in my case, his descendants lives too).

[Jeargroth]

As GM of this little campaign, I can inform you country 1 was Hamburg, Slovinia was country 2. The 3k gold was to offset no cleric and alleviate my guilt for attempting to kill off my players. I also know I am playing with a group of mechanically adept players who know the rules, exceptions and exploits available to players. Hence level 7 cleric and wizard attacking the town.... However the natural 20 on the trebuchet attack was just outright excellent timing or bad pending on perspective. It has also been proven I should never upon pain of death place anything of value on the outcome of my dice rolls... Narrator of story can confirm this. I have tried numerous times to kill my players and I make no bones about this and have been outmaneuvered, rolled and lost to the Gestalt of the ArtiFicer, Crusader, thief/fighter and wizard. I am now trying to figure out how to throw Mindflayers at them without making it seem petulant.

I am Game Master and I endorse this thread.

[curious-puzzle]

Spoiler: Aftermath

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We hobble to the inn, which thankfully is still intact, and sleep the sleep of the righteous. And by righteous I mean near death and exhausted. The next morning, the inn is empty, but there's a lot of food set out for us. We chow down, and are then drawn outside by the sounds of rabblerousing.

It's a mob of surviving townsfolk, shoving around the noble fop. Screaming about how he hid in his house while they bled, and how he never did anything to help the town, it's getting ugly fast. The mayor and the captain are trying to prevent a gang-lynching, but not doing so well. Partially on a whim and partially that I don't want to see the townsfolk murder the kid this early in the morning, I clear my throat, and the Dm asks for a Charisma check to take control of the situation. Even with a circumstance bonus for using prestidigitation, this will be sketchy.

But I roll a natural 20, and everybody freezes as I whistle and I let off a shower of sparks above me.

"Really? You're going to murder someone after all that death just last night? Whether or not he deserves it, to be that bloodthirsty is practically Orcish." I get a few guilty looks from the crowd. "You all have the right to be angry, and he should be punished, but let your mayor and captain do it properly. You've all got more important things to worry about." The mob has relaxed a bit, but they still aren't leaving. Tywin pipes up;

"Or if you want to see justice immediately, we could have a trial by combat." The crowd perks up, blood rising.

"But then I'd have to be his champion." Fred saunters forward, and the crowd magically disappears. Everyone alive saw Frederick take blows that should have knocked down trees, let alone people. I dart in close to the noble, who's shock-fogged mind is just starting to process what's happened.

"You do realize we just saved from being torn limb from limb?"
The noble warbles mostly incoherently. I don't speak wailing snotbubble, but I gather he agrees.
"So now you're going to listen. Whatever punishment they put forward, you're going to accept, and you're not going to try to weasel or buy your way out of it, understand?"
Okay, so a sob and two sniffles is yes. I'm starting to get this dialect. The guard captain drags the noble away,and the mayor reaffirms that we can stay in this town as long as we'd like, and will be treated as heroes the whole time. We're all still pretty banged up, so we spend the day going through all the goodies we scavenged off the orc corpses (savior-heroes get first dibs) and resting. We claim gold, multiple well crafted weapons, a few potions and a few scrolls, and manage to snag some enchanted full plate off the orc captain, There's far too much for a town of this size to handle, even if it wasn't nearly wiped out last night. Slovinia's capital is just a couple days off our route, however, and the mayor has a proposition for us...

Spoiler: Sidetrip!

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The mayor would actually like us to escort the noble-turned prisoner to the capital, along with a sealed statement of what has occured, to face justice. Also in the letter is a plea for aid seeing as how HALF THE TOWN IS DEAD. He names a very acceptable payment for such a task, and we all vote to do it. We need a large city to sell the wagonload of arms and armor we've acquired by this point anyways. Rested up, we head on our way with our new cargo.

The trip to the capital passes uneventfully, with the noble wisely keeping his mouth shut and his eyes down. We reach the capital, and after showing the seal on the envelope, the guard mutters something about being above his pay grade and scurries off, returning with someone much more ornate and official looking. We're paid for our troubles and the prisoner is transferred. As he's being led away, Kas takes a big obvious swig from the jewel-encrusted flask she filched earlier. The look of utter confusion and befuddlement mixed with indignation and despair is delicious.

We actually end up selling most of the weapons and armor to the guards/city watch, and then we go shopping. I buy some new spells and scrolls, and set a large chunk aside to give to Twyin (advance payment towards him eventually making me a Blessed Book). We stay in an extra nice inn, and relax without an army of ogres or giants spontaneously invading. I take the opportunity to chat with my mystery gem.

gem: "Finally! Did you kill her?"
me: "Just about to enter Romanov. I've forgiven you for trying to kill me (poorly), but the price has gone up."
gem: "Fine. Your payment on completion will be 5000 gold, so 8000 total including what you've received. Acceptable?"
me: "...Yes."

I am horribly suspicious. What happened, or what did Kas do to warrant this sort of assassination order? I'm very skeptical that even if I vaporize Kas and make it back to get paid, all I'll actually get is a free dismemberment and burial in the sewers. I think it's time to have a little chat with Kas...

[curious-puzzle]

Spoiler: Are we there yet?

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The last leg of travel is smooth, uninterrupted by brigands, bandits, or villains of any sort. The only excitement is when Fred mentions that he's never played poker. Kas sees the flames of demonic greed erupt in my eyes and quickly forbids Frederick from sitting down with me...next time, Gadget. Finally, after a very boring week or so, we arrive at the gates of Romanov.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFw0gbQk23M

Unlike the previous countries, which had guardhouses, and maybe a tower or a small wall and gate, Romanov has GATES. We're talking big, thick, very new looking stone walls, and quite imposing looking gates across the road. There's a small pullcord and a mandoor off to the side, so we wander over and ring the doorbell. There's the sounds of someone walking up steps, and then a view port chunks open. A gnome (presumbly on a ladder of some sort) squints out at us.

"Yes? May I help you?"

Sidenote: Gather information checks hadn't brought up much about Romanov other than its sudden prosperity, and that a very large portion of the population (at least half) is gnomish. I recall the DM mentioning that he is a big fan of Eberron, and I grace him with a suspicious glare. Inquiring if we've just walked into Zilargo, his poker face holds for now.

We explain our intentions to the gnome (the cover of Tywin moving his workshop and business to Romanov, and us being employees/minons. We're not quite high enough of a level to calmly explain to the guard that we're here to tear his country down and dance in the flames...yet). He nods and hands over a sheaf of papers thicker than my wrist. "Fill these out please." An emergency meeting is held, and the board unanimously moves to make Tywin fill everything out for us. After several bureaucracy and red tape checks, our entry forms are filled out, and we are granted entrance to Romanov. The massive gates open silently, and we can catch a glimpse of numerous gears and pistons spinning and pumping within.

Phase one, complete.

Spoiler: We made it? And no one is dead? Whoo!

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The overwhelming impression Romanov gives as we travel down the precise cobblestone road is tidy. It's orderly. The road is straight, level, and clean. The trees are cleared 20 feet from the road on each side (we measure). And there are little waystations with a lean-to, neatly stacked firewood, and barrels of water spaced out every 4 hours of travel (again we check. They're spaced the same distance apart exactly).

Naturally, this creeps me right out. After a few days of travel through the intimidatingly immaculate landscape, we come across the first town. We can see the gate guard a ways down the road. He marches to one side of the gate, snaps off a pivot, and marches to the other side. He then repeats, the exact steps, the exact pivot, taking the same amount of time to cover the distance every time. It's bloody unnatural. Hearing our wagons creak along, the guard plants in the middle of the road and holds up a hand as we get closer. We explain our purpose and destination, he inspects our papers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBQE_TNI7zw, and finds them satisfactory. Fred and I just keep our mouths shut and restrain the urge to break something just to see if gnome ninjas spontaneously appear to "fix" the offending party. Failing at silence, I ask the guard how long he had to practice his patrol to get it the perfect. He stares at me, confused. Ah well.

Spoiler: The day of failed spot checks

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-i6F6Gyj8w
The town is just as orderly as the roads were. Everything's clean, everyone's busy working diligently regardless of race. A freaking orc (not a halforc) with slicked back hair and a white spotless shirt takes our horses when we reach the inn.
The DM asks for a spot check from everyone.
"5"
"8"
"10"
"...3?"
We see nothing. We check into the inn, and decide on a slightly early dinner (it's late enough and we're all hungry). As we wait for food, it's explained that alchoholic beverages are not served until after the evening bell, and any of us who orders is given a wooden chit with a little picture of what we ordered. A large bell goes off while we eat, and like clockwork, the common room steadily fills with gnomes and humans and other miscellaneous. Seeing a line outside as the door swings open and closed, I lean over and peer outside to see a gnome standing outside the door, inspecting people's hands. "Who's that?" I ask the server.

"Oh, that's the bouncer. He's making sure everyone is clean and presentable."

I order more chits, and switch from beer to whiskey.

After dinner, we chat up a nearby fellow sitting alone, who expresses how pleased and content he is. He knows nothing of the nearby countries' plights other than "some sort of unpleasantess." Everything really shaped up around a year or so ago. The DM asks for another spot check.

"11!"
"2..."
"4"
"18! Wait, spot? Aw, 13."

Then people start getting up, and a few walk over to instruments, and this happens: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_4lxcle7OE . The DM cackles manically at our horrified expressions, and I ask for something stronger than whiskey. Much stronger.

Whatever it is, it's meant for orcs and larger, it comes in a bucket, and it smokes. After a moment, Kas orders one of the same. Tywin retires for the night (his player was away), and Fred notices a half-orc (who's slightly drunk) stumble and fall into someone else. The gnome "bouncer" is there immediately, wagging a finger in the half-orc's face, and banishes him from the hopping dance floor. Shamed and dejected (what the...?), he slinks/weaves his way out. Fred decides he wants to go chat with this poor half-orc. Kas and I are left drinking, and it's time to enact a cunning scheme. I roll a high Bluff, and slip a potion of lesser restoration in after pounding back my bucket of paint thinner to remove the intoxication. Kas fails her sense motive, and throws her bucket back as well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lt4329_W_s0 . However, Kas has the ability Absolute Unending Paranoia, and rolls a sleight of hand to spill out most of her drink. I fail my spot in a glorious explosion of ineptitude, too smug with my success. I offer to help my "drunk" companion to her room, and she offers the same, each convinced that the other is foolishly inebriated. We fake stagger and weave up to her room, alarming the staff. As I turn to close the door, I slip my wand of lesser orb of fire into my palm, and Kas does the same with a dagger behind her back.

Spoiler: Dirty liars

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ST2H8FWDvEA
"So, Kas, I'm curious. We never talked about it much, but who do you think sent those thugs after us back then?" Kas shrugs, nonchalant. "Do you have any enemies?"

She slouches in her chair and slurs slightly, "No more than usual for someone in my line of work." Unseen, she's tapping her fingers against the hilt of her second favourite knife.

"Really?" I reply. "I think you have more than that. I think you have some skeletons in your closet."

"Doesn't everyone?" She shoots back.

"True, but not all have ones worth killing for. So I have to ask, Kas..." I turn, and let the wand fall into my hand, a wisp of smoke curling from the end. "What did you do to warrant someone hiring me to murder you?"

Kas' eyes snap wide open, and her knife hilt creaks with the strength of her grip.

"Humor me. Tell me what you think is the cause of this, and be honest, because what you tell me will determine whether we try and kill each other, or I offer another option."

There's several tense moments. Carefully, Kas speaks up. She talks about the 6 sanctioned killings she's made for the guild, and the reasons for each. She speaks of several unassigned killings, necessary at that time. And she mentions one death, of the Guild Master's favored heir apparent. What Kas doesn't mention is that one happened when she was just a child. This chosen heir, the self appointed leader of the city's "pigeons" (gutter orphans, pickpockets and child thieves) felt a scrawny little frail girl would be a perfect example to display his dominance and leadership by forcing her into obedience. A bit of threats and beatings should do it.

The frail child stabbed him with a rusty blade, then kicked his still bleeding corpse into the open sewer.

Slowly, I holster my wand, and lean against the wall by the door. "I knew this job was messed up from the start. This is why I normally don't do assassin work. Now, about my proposition...I've been around several hundred of your years. You have potential, and...something else about you. I don't like people doublecrossing me, and I doubt you like being marked for death. We both like power. How about an alliance to suss out whoever's set this up, bring them down, and then carve a nice niche up near the top of your guild?"

Kas pulls her hands out from behind her back, and I let a small sigh, tension gone. She raises an eyebrow. "How do I know you won't decide to fulfill the contract anyways?"

I smile winningly. "You can rely on me as long as I'm entertained and interested. Beyond that, you'll just have to trust me. First off, though, I want to find out what is going on here in Romanov, and we need each other for that. Something strange is going on, and I want to find out."

After a bit more scheming and subversive plotting, we hear a faint rumble, then bells ringing and people shouting. We both jump up, panicked.

Did we just leave Fred...Unsupervised? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8Kyi0WNg40

[curious-puzzle]

Spoiler: Yippee ki yay

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Fred follows the drunk half-orc outside, and stalks him as he heads towards a longhouse of some sort.
"Hey!"
"Huh?"
"Hey you!"
"Whu...?"
Eventually getting his attention, Frederick asks him why he had to leave.
"I was acting disr-, disrep-, I was acting improper. I had too much, now I gotta go home." By Fred's scale, he's vomit clean and no one is dead, so the night is still young. Fred figures he'll get the inside scoop on this town's real nightlife.
"So what's there to do for fun around here, my good green fellow?"
"Well....dancing...cards...singing if it's early...reading..."
"what about fighting?"
"Fighting? That's against the rules!"
"Come on, it's not like anyone will get...well, not like anyone will get hurt much."
"No...no, I have to go home now."
Foiled, Fred watches the half-orc stagger away. Shrugging, he goes off to find his own fun. This is the sort of event that should be preceded by ominous stormclouds, birds dropping dead out of the sky, and taverns bolting chairs, tables, and kegs to the floor.

Bumping into a watchman that comes up to his thigh, Fred somehow charms his way past the watchman, assuring him that he's out on a walk and not up to anything nefarious.

The fool.

Continuing onwards, Frederick comes to a large stable, full of a herd of cattle. So he decides the only thing to do is free these poor bovine from their unjust bondage. He methodically breaks all the gates open, and with a deep breath and a shout, STARTS A STAMPEDE.

Spoiler: Damage control

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCRae5mRoRE
We rush outside, and see a bunch of lanterns bouncing around, chasing after a cloud of dust from the before mentioned stampede. We follow a hunch and go searching towards where the chaos came from. The two of us quickly find Fred in the fields.
"Oh hey guys, how's it going?"
"What. Did. You. DO?"
"...Nuthin?"
We save talking for later, and hustle back to the inn before anyone notices us. Later, there's going to be a very long talk about how if Fred has an idea again, he needs to come talk to one of us first.

Spoiler: The morning, in which a Spot check is made

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We aren't murdered in our sleep, or dragged away with black bags over our heads, never to be seen again. We might actually get away with this.
Then a few guards show up, and politely ask Fred to come to the central tower with them to answer some questions regarding an ongoing investigation. We're screwed, we're going to have to either cut Fred free, or leave him behind. But Fred goes all suave secret agent, and completely lies his way to freedom.
"Were you outside last night?"
"Yes, going for a walk."
"Did you go anywhere near the stables."
"I don't think so, not that I noticed."
"Do you know anything about the stampede that occurred?"
"Nope, sorry."
"The locks were all broken and the chains cut. Did you see anyone else around that area, or earlier that night?"
"I think I saw two people around there, but I couldn't recognize them."
"..."
BLUFF CHECKS SUCCEEDED
"Thank you for your assistance, sorry for the inconvenience."

I stare somewhat incredulously as Fred strides out of the tower, shakes hands with the guards, and wanders back over to us. We quickly finish packing up and are on our way. The DM asks for another spot check, and Kas finally saves us with a 25.

Everyone in the town is wearing the same type of jewelry. It might be a ring, an earring, an armband, or a necklace, but everyone is wearing something. They're all the same material, and all have a motif of numerous gears and cogs. A lot of them look like the gears would actually turn and spin within the jewelry. She points this out to me, and I take a hard look at the passing by townsfolk with detect magic. All of them radiate a very subtle and very tightly crafted compulsion effect...Kas tries to smoothly relieve the gate guard on the way out of her ring by shaking her hand. Even with an extra high sleight of hand, Kas nearly dislocates the woman's finger. A hasty bluff check and a hastier departure later, we're back on the road with some unnerving food for thought. Tywin and I need a piece of that jewelry to do more in depth study.

[curious-puzzle]

Spoiler: Through a glass, darkly

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It was Kas' player's birthday this session, so what better gift than to all conspire together to creep her out ? The plan was to have the beginning of the session be an extended dream sequence, with the 3 of us gradually acting stranger and stranger , until turning out to all have been subverted and taken over by some outside force. With Kas being a paranoid high-functioning sociopath, this will only end in a heartfelt discussion about the values of teamwork.

And blood. Lots of blood.

Kas finds herself the last one to wake the next morning, slightly unusual but nothing more. I'm studying, Fred seems focused on something in the distance, and Tywin is busy fiddling with a small piece of equipment. Peering over, she sees that he's working on a very fine piece of clockwork. This plays softly in the background, just enough to notice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCv3mBbvqXs
Tywin smiles, and wishes Kas a happy birthday. He asks Grass Clippings to grab the present, who rummages around in the wagon before emerging with a finely carved small wooden box. Inside is an elaborate metal pen, with a near razor tip, and several jars filled with dark liquids of various hues. Tywin explains that two of the jars are inks, but the rest are poisons crafted by Grass Clippings (his talent for botany turned out to be focused mainly on dangerous plants and the creation of various poisons). The pen is also solid enough to withstand being stabbed into someone if need be. Kas is touched, but a little unsure how to react. People don't normally do..."nice" things for her. We set out, and travel to exactly dusk, stopping at one of the waystations for the night. The next morning, Kas again is the last to wake, with everyone almost ready to go. Another day passes, with everyone being fairly withdrawn. The same thing repeats the next day, except Kas wakens to find me sharpening a knife (I drag a pencil against the side of the tray I use for my computer).
Sching
Sching
Sching
She watches for a few minutes, then inquires what I need such a sharp blade for. I smile vaguely and mention something about having to shave every few years or so, then go back to it.
Sching
Sching
Sching
Music switches to this, still soft:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ur96u_vHSzk
Tywin keeps working away at his little toy, and another couple days go by without change. We make it to another town, and it seems an almost perfect duplicate of the previous one.

The gate guard nods politely to all of us, then his head snaps over to Kas.
"Papers, please." We assure the guard that she's with us, and he relaxes, satisfied. "Very well, have a nice stay." Kas' player is a little weirded out, and fails a spot check. We stop for the night at an inn furnished the same as the previous one, in the same area of town as before, with the same menu. I march off to buy some supplies, and Kas shadows me, curious. I cut directly to the blacksmith and purchase a padlock and several long lengths of chain. The night passes with absolutely no incident, and we depart first thing the next morning.

Kas fails another spot check.

The gate guard shakes Tywin's hand, bids him farewell. He shakes Fred's hand, bids him farewell. He does the same for me, even shakes Grass Clipping and Anton's hand. He doesn't so much look at Kas. Now she's wondering what's going on...and fails another spot check.

We come across a waystation later that day, but something is different. Kas notices that the flag is missing from this station, something every other waystation had. As she mentions this, there's a strange noise ahead, and a horde of zombies spills out from behind the waystation! Initiative!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzMAwJ6OhI4

We beat the zombies, but there's a lot of them (hence, "horde"). We turn the wagons, Fred hops off, and we pretty much kite the whole group and gradually pick them off as they futilely stagger after us. The DM had the zombies going for grapple attempts on Fred to try and drag him down, but with Combat Reflexes, he hacks them down, retreats, and repeats. It takes a lot of resources, but we lay the zombies down to their second rest without too much risk. Grass clippings immediately begins pulling the bodies off the road, muttering about how disorganized it is. Kas sarcastically mentions he should sort the bodies. He nods, and begins organizing them from smallest to largest. Fred helps. Grass clippings inquires whether the decapitated ones should include their removed heads or not. I suggest they have their own category, and Kas laughs and agrees, not noticing my lack of sarcasm. She does however notice that as soon as the battle's over, Tywin immediately goes back to his work ,and I go back to my knife sharpening, murmuring that it's almost ready. She's right creeped out now.

All we find in the waystation is a dead gnome laborer and a slaughtered donkey, both stripped of everything. We all shake our heads at how unfortunate it is, then continue onwards. Kas finds it a tad difficult to sleep tonight. Awakening to yet again the same routine as before, Kas angrily stalks off to clear her head. We all stare in unison for a moment, then go back to our business.

Scouting us out from a distance, Kas finally hits a super high spot check, and notices a gleaming clockwork ring on Grass clippings' finger.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcEizDACxNk
Gritting her teeth, Kas quickly stalks over to him, and goes for the direct approach; she seizes him by the hand, and cuts the offending finger off! The boy understandably screams, and thrashes to the ground. We all rush over to see what's happening.
"What has happened?"
"Why would you do that, Kas?"
"What have you done?"
Grass clippings makes some choking noises, then stops moving. The wounded hand has turned a sickly black near the wound, and Kas looks in shock to see a telltale smear of purple on her blade. Someone has poisoned her knife without telling her...
"He was useful, Kas. We are not as efficient now."
"Why would you betray him?"
Kas notices two things; 1) We're all wearing the jewelry
2) I'm holding a length of chain, and casting a spell at her.
She fails her save, and crashes to the ground blind and stunned. The last thing she feels is the chain colliding with her skull, and everything goes white.

Spoiler: Through a glass, darkly continued

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Consciousness slowly returns to Kas.
Sching
Sching
Sching
Sching

"We talked about liars before, Kas. But did you know that we are both liars?" Kas finds herself chained upright, strung up by her arms. She's divested of most of her knives, only two still on her. Tywin sits silently staring at Kas, his hands clasped together.

"Everyone, in fact, is a liar." I continue.

"Oh?" Kas ventures, subtly testing the chains grip on her. She starts worming her wrist down ever so slowly.

"We lie with our skin. We lie with our breath. We lie each time our hearts beat. Life itself is a lie, and the only way to get to the truth is to peel away the lies." She freezes as I stop sharpening the blade, by this point razor-thin, and slowly stand. Tywin speaks up.
"There is another option." He opens his hands to reveal a gleaming clockwork ring.
"Join us. Be whole."

At this point, Tywin's player starts chanting, "one of us, one of us" and we join in until we can't keep a straight face and a good laugh is had by all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JLz...EB49C4E7626AC9
"I agreed to help protect you, Kas. This is what you need, whether you want it or not." Tywin gestures to Anton.

Anton slowly starts wheeling Tywin forward, a ring glinting on his finger while an earring shimmers in Tywin's left ear. Fred slowly advances, a headband across his brow. I stalk forwards with the knife in hand, a clockwork torc on one arm. Kas succeeds on her sleight of hand and escape artist checks, and snags a knife. As Tywin gets close enough, she lashes out with her blade and cuts Tywin's ear off, then kicks him backwards and scrambles away.
Tywin sits placidly, blackness spreading through the veins in his face. As kas retreats, she watches Tywin smoothly stand on his crippled, useless legs, pull out a wand, and point it at her. A point of blazing blue light smashes her shoulder, sending her spinning to the ground (and 0 hit points)! She looks up just in time to see me reach down and seize her by the hair, pulling her gaze to meet mine, my eyes glinting ruby red.

"WAKE UP!" I hiss, and drag the knife across her throat.

Kas wakes in an absolute panic, the kiss of the knife burning on her skin.

[Jeargroth]

Grass Clippings had poisoned her knives as part of her Birthday gift, and to show how much sneaker he had gotten under her tutalege. When the entire group started chanting "One of us..." The gnome bound to a wheel chair stood up and started walking towards her...

I am GM and I approve this thread.

[Picanet]

It took a while for me to notice what was going on that night. Two hours of ticking and strange acting players actually started getting to me to the point where I had to get up and go to the kitchen for a beer - I mean break.

I had players getting up in my personal space bubble and everything. Serious gaming jitters. What happens next, I think, is a very reasonable reaction to such a 'dream' sequence (more like nightmare COUGHCOUGHWEEZEHACKHEARTATTACK)
Also - dumb ass minion (apprentice my ass. Pah.) put poison on my blades without telling me. He can go cry and pout in a corner and meditate on the phrase 'no good deed goes unpunished' - especially dumb ass deeds.

No Jeargoth - I don't care how many times you try to garner sympathy for the botany urchin rat - you ain't getting it out of Kas. He is minion until he proves otherwise. This recent series of events do not pop up in the 'otherwise' category.

I play Kas, and I approve this board *thumbs up*

[curious-puzzle]

Hasty hasty people, the identity of the poisoner was left unsaid to make it more dramatic

Anywho, back to waking from extended horrific nightmares;

Spoiler: Just because it's a dream doesn't make it safe

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Kas had been sleeping in late while the rest of us lazed about. After hearing some movement in her tent, Grass Clippings pokes his head in.
"Good morning, boss! Happy birthday!"

Kas is quite distressed at the moment, and at the sight of someone her mind insists is dead, a traitor, or both, the cold murderous core of her subconscious takes over. Without thought, a hand snaps to the brace of knives and launches a blade solidly into Grass Clipping's shoulder.

The speed of the blow(plus shock) means the young poisoner thumps onto his back, and then notices the knife sticking out of his shoulder.

"Agh!"

He then really notices the knife embedded in his shoulder (and which knife it is).

"AAAGGGHH!"

We all scramble over to see what's happened. Fred's the closest, and is suitably confused.

"What the...?" Grass Clippings is bleeding a LOT for a wound that size. He speaks rather frantically to Fred (and the rest of us as we dash over).

"P-P-Poison, poison on knife. Antidote third, third, third shelf second drawer please please please." Anton shoves Tywin's chair close enough that he uses a scroll of [I[delay poison[/I] and then a healing potion, which gives Fred and Anton enough time to find the proper antidote. I peer into Kas' tent (carefully) to see a Kas on the edge. Her eyes are feral, she's nearly hyperventilating, and one hand is compulsively clenching around a knife hilt. The inside of the tent is painted with an eerie purple light, seemingly coming from Kas' hands.

"Who the hell stabbed you with a poisoned knife?" Tywin demands, once Grass Clippings seems out of death's immediate embrace.

"I didn't poison my blades." Kas remarks almost absent-mindedly, the same sort of tone you use when mentioning that all work and no play dulls your edge.

"Then who..?" Everyone stares at Grass Clippings.

"It was her birthday?" There's a unanimous facepalm, then we drag Grass Clippings out of the way and try to coax Kas out of her tent.

"What day is it?" She barks. "How far from Romanov's border?" Fred replies that we're about a day past the first town, doesn't get a knife thrown at him, and takes it as a good sign. He makes to brush into the tent though, and Kas bristles with metaphorical (and very literal) blades. I pass an intelligence check and realize something is very wrong (besides Kas trying to kill her minion, he does smell like dirt all the time). Taking into account our recent discovery about the ominous jewelry, I cast detect magic. The whole tent reeks of necromancy and...something else.

"Kas, I think something magical has influenced you. No one's going to hurt you, just come out please." Slowly, eeeever so slowly, Kas creeps out into the daylight, ripples of energy still playing about her fingers. I step closer, and concentrate on her eyes. Seeing as how the eyes are regarded as a window to the soul...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXpnI52cLEc
...that was a mistake. I feel my perception being pulled in, and my mind interprets the ludicrous amount of magic I've just stared directly into as two symbols, one in each of Kas' eyes.
A blood-red ruby, and a hideous bestial mask.
Failing a fortitude save, I have just enough time for a truly foul oath before I pass out, my mind playing the role of a guppy when a whale surges by.

Spoiler: How do you know you're truly awake?

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Fred has had just about enough of this. Two people have been taken out (indirectly or otherwise) by Kas, and that's not cool. He uses tact and diplomacy to express his opinion.

"Kas, put the knives down or I'm going to put you down!" She responds by gripping another knife and hunching in on herself.

"Everyone just wait. Kas, what happened?" Tywin steps-well, wheels in as the voice of reason.

"...Was it a dream? A nightmare? I..." Kas composes herself a little. "To me, we had been traveling for another week, and had passed another town. You all...changed. You were wearing that jewelry, and you tried to...I don't know, convert me? Change me? And then...then you Slit my BLOODY THROAT!" And you!" She points at Grass Clippings. "I don't care if you made poisons disguised in ink vials, that I can use with that knife-pen thing, you don't poison someone's knives and not tell them! Idiot! You're lucky you didn't get that knife in the throat!...Why are you staring at me like that?"

Tywin and Grass Clippings are more than a little creeped out.

"Kas? How did you know about the pen?"

"You gave it to me already...in the..nightmare."

Spoiler: Exposition at the low cost of Sanity!

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I awaken a couple minutes later with a divinely inspired migraine akin to my skull having been used as a flail. I see everyone standing about somewhat awkwardly, but no one else is bleeding or dying, so crisis averted.

"Tell me Kas, are you much of a church-going person?" A little confused, Kas shakes her head back and forth. "So any idea how you've managed to garner the attention of TWO gods?" I'm brought up to speed on the content of her dream, and am even more alarmed. "In the remnants of whatever power gave you that vision, I saw the mark of Wee Jas and Erythnul." Tywin recognizes the names, and is just as confused and unnerved as I am. Prophetic dreams of a sanity shaking nature? The ability to spontaneously channel the energies of death and the void? Two contradictory gods who's only shared interest is Death with a capital D? This is beyond the scope of my studies in such matters, we need to get to a library of some sort, and do a lot of research.

There's an irritatingly smug voice in the back of my head right now chiming in that maybe the people who hired me to kill Kas maybe had a VERY GOOD POINT.

We travel onwards at a somewhat heightened pace. We pass through the next town instead of stopping for the night, and Kas notices that there are two towers here, not one. Her vision wasn't completely accurate...we instead stop at the first waystation past this town. All a little jumpy, there's a bit of an "overreaction" when a gnome laborer rides up on a donkey.

I spin around with a wand in one hand and my crossbow in the other, all John Woo! Flights of doves are just waiting in the bushes for me to leap through the air oh gods it's just a gnome woodcutter. I sheepishly chuckle and stow my weapons.

"You, gnome." He looks over to Kas. "What happens to that ring when you die?" She rasps.

...

...truly, Kas' people skills are a wonder to behold. I bluff my face off talking about how we're prospective citizens, and were just curious if this jewelry that was gifted to everyone by the kingdom was theirs to keep, or reverted back to the kingdom upon death. Tywin helps smooth the waters being a fellow gnome, and Kas downgrades from specter of murder to brooding menace. We learn that the jewelry is reclaimed when you die, and that the jewelry was given to everyone when the towers were built in each town, around a year ago. The gnome then departs in donkey high gear. As we finish packing the wagons up and start moving again, we realize that was probably the dead gnome and donkey Kas saw in her dream.

We need to catch that donkey.

[curious-puzzle]

Spoiler: After that burro!

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We make haste, and see the waystation's flag over the next rise. Unlike Kas' vision, it's flapping proudly. Also unlike the vision, we see the gnome tying his donkey up as we crest the hill. Tywin begins infusing a massive iron greatclub (we joke that it's a two handed crowbar, and Fred's about to channel the power of the Freedman) with undead bane (we had a mental mixup on damage reduction types). Fred yells for the gnome to get away from the shed, it's full of zombies.

"Zombies?" I ask sharply. "Who said anything about zombies?"

"I'm certain I mentioned them to you." Kas replies with casual malice. "Everyone else knew about the zombies, you must have been busy." Tywin and Fred nod as Tywin hands Fred the greatclub of undead scrunching.

"I'm sure I would have paid attention to mentions of ravenous zombies!"

The gnome looks a little alarmed at our arrival, then at Fred's warning. He turns to the shed, sees nothing, then turns back to us as we approach. He looks really surprised when a green arrow punches through his chest from behind, then melts away along with a large portion of his chest. An ominous (short) hooded and robed figure stands at the corner of the shed, and then a horde of the walking dead staggers towards us from the woods! Initiative!

Spoiler: We aren't using the "Z" word

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9RKwlF_MXE
Fred maxes his initiative, and does a dead sprint right into the face of the greatest threat; the spellcaster. Tywin signals the wagons to circle around and start retreating slightly faster than the zombies, looks at his crossbow in disgust, and starts infusing a shortsword. Kas looks at her daggers, and shuffles a little further into the woods. The mysterious spellcaster steps away from Fred, and greases the ground underneath and around him (Fred makes his save). I hop off the wagon, and imperiously summon...*rolls* 3 fiendish monstrous centipedes! They skitter and chitter into the zombies, and then I realize that I can do a max of 1 pt of damage per attack due to DR. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX7wtNOkuHo Oh well, they tie up a large chunk of the zombies.

Fred calmly strides up to the robed figure (silly spellcaster, Balance is a class skill for Crusaders!) and two-handed max power attack-mountain hammer-crits the caster's head into an unrecognizable mess. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ht0EHGMWiM Then he turns to the closest gang of zombies.

Don't mess with Fred.

Kas and I retreat towards the wagon, which has the remaining zombies shuffling after us. Kas takes a shot with a sling, Tywin keeps infusing, and I cast mage armor and then protection from evil on myself to get up to very respectable armor for my class and level. I then realize that my go to weapon, the mighty Color Spray is totally useless. Nooooooo*cough*. Fred trades blows with the gang of zombies, wearing them down while taking some damage. He then realizes that he forgot about that whole Power attack thing, and crunches two zombies with a max power attack + cleave. I scan my spell list, discarding quite a few possibilities, then settle on using Glitterdust to blind most of the zombies. Tywin continues to infuse, and Kas takes some more pot shots. I then notice that Frederick has only one zombie left in front of him, he's almost 100 feet away from us, and I'm in charge range of the remaining zombie gang. So I benign transposition the two of us, figuring I can take out one zombie.

Spoiler: Battle for great honor

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The zombie (who shall henceforth be called Megazombie for the sake of my ego) is much larger and more muscular than the other zombies. He's also wielding a small tree that's similar sized to me as a club.

We stare at each other for a moment. I open my mouth, and Megazombie goes Ivan Drago on me and wallops me in the face for half my hit points. Fred wades into the other zombies, laying about with his greatclub of doom. Tywin hands Kas the newly infused shortsword, and she leaps up to support Frederick.

Ow. That's okay, I still have a trick up my sleeve. Snatching Megazombie's wrist, I burn all 3 charges of my healing belt, dealing a very respectable 25 damage bypassing DR. Frederick's player mentions that he hadn't dealt any damage to that particular zombie before we switched. I note that Megazombie hasn't fallen over, and sigh. Megazombie releases a compilation of his greatest hits, and cracks me in the head again, dropping me to 1 hit point. Tywin notices my plight, and sends a pity magic missile blast my way, chipping Megazombie but still not dropping him.

I utilize the ancient elven mage technique of Yurin Drego, which loosely translates to, "run like a coward so you don't die an ignominious messy death," and withdraw. Possessing the key advantages of coordination and working knees, I outpace Megazombie and blast him repeatedly with fire orbs until he keels over, and then a few more. Fred and Kas finish scything through the last few zombies. We ding to level 5!

And with that, I am all up to date on the campaign! We play every two weeks, and the next game is this coming saturday. I may try and put random bits of fun info up in the meantime. I hope people have been enjoying this, I know I've had fun writing it (and beating my sleep schedule into a weeping wreck).

[Picanet]

Two days precious! Twoooooooo *spooky fingers*

Though I suspect we won't see the update until Sunday night. Unless we spike Puzzle's ice tea with three 5 hour energy drinks.

[curious-puzzle]

Sleep is relative. But in the meantime, quick visual blurbs and theme songs cause why not!

Spoiler: Frederick the Devout

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Human Crusader 5
Frederick, or Fred as he prefers to be called, wears his armor like a second skin. Without it his gestures and movements seem over pronounced and boisterous. His eyes are a warm honey brown and usually glint in silent amusement at someone else's expense, or with a steel-sharp excitement at a foe or challenge he can cut down. For yet undisclosed reasons he hides the elven half of his heritage under a wavy mass of near-black hair that doesn't quite reach his shoulders. His laugh comes easy; almost as easy as wrecking anything that stands in his way.

Spoiler: Tywin

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Gnome Artificer 5
Filler till the description comes in

Theme song:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXiw...rfLQLn&index=4

Spoiler: Haearnbydd

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Elf Conjurer 3/Master Specialist 2

A tall lean elf with bronze-tanned skin raises an eyebrow at you. Amber eyes narrow as he rakes a hand through a shock of messy black hair. Dressed in a sleeveless shirt and dark pants, your eyes focus on the proliferation of bangles, armbands, and bracelets that adorn both arms. A riot of hues, shapes, and sizes, they clank and jingle softly with his movements. Quickly scooping up a leather sack by his feet, the elf turns swiftly as he gestures for you to follow.

Theme song:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPaz...rfLQLn&index=2

Spoiler: Kas

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Human Rogue 4/Fighter 1

Kas is often mistaken for being younger than she looks, because she never really grew out of that awkward lanky stage of her life. A certain frailty clings to her like she didn’t quite get enough fresh air, sunlight, or decent meals. Her face is narrow, sharp, and generally half hidden by the tall collar of her coat. She keeps her hair cut short and dyes it often enough that no one’s quite sure what the true colour is - though she’s partial to a dark black/purple when on night duties. She’s bleached it light blonde since leaving for Romanov - and it left her dark blue eyes looking almost indigo in the right light.

[Averis Vol]

I just caught up reading and I've got to say you're giving me quite a few good laughs at your companions expense, and to Jeargroth, I am absolutely loving how absolutely creepy romanov is. Keep up the good work guys, I'm lookin forward to continuing to read this for a while.

[curious-puzzle]

This has an intriguing start, and I like the style so far! Will be looking into it.

"Kas does a magic trick, and makes a dagger appear in thug # 2's face." Ha!

Thanks! Hope you have remained intrigued, or at least not repulsed

I just caught up reading and I've got to say you're giving me quite a few good laughs at your companions expense, and to Jeargroth, I am absolutely loving how absolutely creepy romanov is. Keep up the good work guys, I'm lookin forward to continuing to read this for a while.

Thank you, glad you're enjoying it! I hope the laughs are a little at my expense too, otherwise I'll feel slightly guilty (but not really that much so it's fine)

[curious-puzzle]

Pretty much a combat free night, but the plot! The plot!

Like a delicious conspiracy stew,It thickens.

We loot the (now headless) gnome necromancer. How do we determine that he was a necromancer? Well, besides the horde of zombies taking their cues from him, his spellbook is bound in elf skin, and has a pointy ear stuck to the front.

...Not cool, man. Not cool. I would feel worse, but he's dead and I have a new (albeit creepy) spellbook.

Necromancy and Evocation? My banned schools? Hrm...ah well, there's still a few good ones in here.

Spoiler: Sand in the cogs

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We travel on to the next town, and report that we heroically slew a legion of foul undead. Expecting a reward, we receive a "thank you." When we actually ask about a reward, we are told that we already received the reward of a clean conscience. Cheapskates. I think that the captain seems remarkably blase about the whole zombie thing, and ask if it's a regular sort of thing.

"There's always sand in the cogs, just have to deal with it. It's normally something that happens more to the south near the swamps, but we just deal with it and move on."

Oooookkkaaayy? Moving on past that unsettling statement, we split up in town. Tywin and Fred go to check out the large 2nd tower under construction, and Kas and I go to scrounge the town hall/library. Tywin is wheeled over to the tower, still obviously only partway through construction. It's quite ambitious, almost 50 feet tall, and there's what looks like the beginnings of...*knowledge (architecture) success!* a boom. After chatting with a nearby gnome and getting a peek at the blueprints, he learns that the tower will be around 80 feet tall once it's completed. Tywin is somewhat perplexed; just what do they need an 80 foot tower crane for? Realizing that he's on the east end of town, Tywin gazes to the east (or gets Fred to seeing as he's quite low to the ground), and sees an arrow straight swath clear cut through the woods, very clearly not the road. Tywin's super confused and annoyed, but Tywin's player knows what's going on. He glares at the DM.

"Choo. Choo."

Kas and I stroll into the town hall and upstairs to the library. Now, Romanov may be a seriously unsettling place that I'm pretty sure has mindraped most of their population, but they organize a library quite nicely. I peruse the books on religions and local history, and Kas checks the recent news sheets. I find a lot of stuff I already knew, namely that Wee Jas and Erythnul have nothing to do with each other, and a whole lot of vague boring history that cuts off right before the big economic turnaround for Romanov.
*Sidenote, whenever we talk about whatever happened to Romanov, we call it "The Great Initiative" with big finger quote gestures. I'm going to keep pushing for that to become the official title.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUpbOliTHJY*
Kas reads about a bunch of successful cattle births, good harvest, and oh yeah, a stampede the next town over west. Tywin's player notices it, but we don't register right away (and certainly not in character). News has traveled faster than us somehow, with no one passing us on the road...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVSRm80WzZk

We all meet back at the inn for the night. I activate my gem and lie my face off that the dirty deed is done, and Kas is lying dead in the wilderness. The laughter that comes from the gem is not in any way even in the same country as nice. The voice assures me my payment is waiting at Tyro's money lending back where I was hired. Curious, I ask what's to become of the mission. There's another bark of cruel laughter.

"What mission?" And the gem crumbles to dust. Well then...that complicates things a bit more. I keep the dust just in case.

Spoiler: Science!!

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We eat dinner, and hear that a famous travelling musician will be coming through tomorrow night. Sequestering ourselves safely in one of our rooms, it's time to do some experimentation with the clockwork ring we filched off the dead gnome laborer. Did I not mention that? Terrible robbers of the grave we be, even before they're buried.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVSRm80WzZk Tywin plucks the ring out of the bag, and uses an infusion of Identify, aaannd immediately has to make a will save. Even making the save, he's almost plunked the ring onto a finger before he even notices! Making an executive decision, Tywin grabs his adamantine multi-tool and snips the ring in half, destroying it with his retain essence class feature. The resulting rush of magic makes our hair stand on end and static spark through the room. That was a bit more juice than expected. The group decides to stay an extra couple days to do some crafting/research/snooping around/grill the travelling musician for info.

Spoiler: Grease the gears

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Tywin and I stay inside for most of the day, crafting and/or spell researching. Fred offers to go on a patrol for the town, and is boooorrreeedd out of hiiss miiiinnnnnddd. The only remotely interesting thing he comes across is an old campsite, at least several days. The watch captain seems strangely concerned by this tidbit, and marks it down before bustling off. Fred earns a whopping 10 COPPER for his efforts. Kas listens in on the local gossip, and learns that a local boy up and disappeared the night we arrived. Digging a bit further, she finds the disappeared lad's girlfriend...in a hayloft with Grass Clippings. After giving him a bit of grief, Kas confirms that the girl has been with Grass Clippings since last night, but she had seen her "boyfriend" that day. Going off her base of knowledge, Kas decides to check all the places she would think to stash a corpse. Hey, go with what you know I suppose.

Eventually making it to the cemetery (which if you think about is actually an ingenious place to hide a body aaaand I'm off topic), Kas stumbles on an interesting fact: no one has been interred since before "The Great Initiative." So either no one has died in this town in several years and it's a coincidence, or something's happening to the bodies.

Remember what I said about coincidences?

The musician finally arrives, an orc named Paul Brandt (don't ask). Looking like he's never heard of dirt, let alone mud, the squeaky clean greenskin sets out a selection of stringed instruments, smallest on the left going to biggest on the right, and starts playing. It's passable if disgustingly wholesome, but then we notice that it's quite inspiring. And we feel motivated, even more competent than before.

He's a bloody orc bard is what he is. We resist the effects out of a combination of paranoia and sheer contrariness. Chatting Mr Brandt up afterwards, Kas and I are surprised to find the orc bard speaks both Infernal and Abyssal (Kas speaks infernal for litigation, I speak both in prep for Malconvoker plus I love speak language as a class skill). He mentions that the shamans in the swamps used to speak them. Kas asks how long ago he left the swamps.

"I don't...what?" He tunes out, a thousand mile stare on his face. We try the question a couple times, and he just can't get anything out. Tywin comes up and asks a completely unrelated question about the town. The bard perks right up, all chatty and chummy in the way orcs aren't. We ask about the swamps again, and it's back to the Error please try again page. Thoroughly convinced he's been brain-whammied, we retire for the night, but not before planning the next phase of our plan.

Destroy one of these clockwork jewelry pieces while they're still on someone living. And Paul Brandt the Orc bard is leaving to return to the capital tomorrow, so he's contestant #1.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1zUQI2arc0

Spoiler: A plan most cunning and devious

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We travel on the road with the bard until we're a ways away from the town, then we brain him in the back of the head with a mercifully infused Falchion.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfaxquIn060 Don't knock the plan if it works. Shush!

We drag him into the waystation and set the minions on overwatch. Securely binding the orc, we then wait for him to awaken. Did I also mention this was the place in Kas' dream where we bound her up and killed her? Yeah, she was having some fun trigger moments what with the knocking out and tying up, and Tywin pretending to sharpen Fred's falchion while infusing it...

Gradually awakening, Brandt is understandably concerned. We try the hardline interrogation ("What's your name?" *meaningful dagger poke from behind* "What's your real name?" *slap* WHO DOES #2 WORK FOR?!" that last one didn't happen, but it could have), but get nowhere with it. Finally Tywin reaches up with his tool and *snips* the clockwork earring. There's the rush of magic, and the bard lets out a scream! Apparently there's a notable backlash when the item's destroyed, thankfully our subject is a big strong orc so he can take it. We heal him with a healing belt anyways, and he slumps, breathing heavily.

"Paul."
"..."
"Brandt."
"..."
"Bard."
"...WHAT?" The voice is guttural, hoarse, and thoroughly enraged. There's the brutal belligerent savage I was expecting.

"We have released you from your slavery. You do understand that, don't you?"

"...Yes. And for that I will not kill you."

"*pause* Fair enough. What's your real name?"

"Grsh'nack." I understand why it was changed to Paul. We grill Grsh'nack on just what happened to him. Apparently his whole tribe was ambushed and captured by some unknown force several years ago (all he can remember is fire raining down, like massed catapults). He'd woken with the earring, and his choices and actions were not his own since then. He describes his mind as being overwhelmed and filled with a horrific "ticking," constant and unrelenting. We make a wary alliance, contracting Grsh'nack to help with blending in and information in exchange for helping him find what remains of his tribe. Despite his race (and my natural elf-y prejudices), he is a trained performer and we're confident he can fake his way back in. Enlightened and worried, we travel on to the capital, Cassandra.

Spoiler: The road to Cassandra

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The last stretch to Cassandra is quiet, and strangely empty for a large stretch. Eventually, we come to a massive mist shrouded forest. Grsh'nack (who's true musical focus is an avant-garde form called rarghthump, a fusion of screaming and hitting stuff) mentions that this forest is always covered in this fog, regardless of the weather anywhere else. As we travel through, Grass Clippings pulls me over to the trees, and says that there's something seriously wrong with them. I can't recognize them at all with my knowledge (nature), even with a pretty good roll. I detect magic all throughout the trees, and Tywin uses an identify infusion on a tree. He blinks once, then twice. A deep breath, and his cry rings throughout the woods.

"WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN THIS PLACE?!?!"

With a bit more investigation, the trees are somehow linked to the Elemental plane of Air. We have no idea how or why, but the mist and fog is a side effect of said link. For added weirdness, Kas makes a super high spot check and sees a broken branch slowly floating upwards, casually giving gravity the raspberry. I lob an apple and it flops to the ground disappointingly, scuppering my plan of a levitating cafe. We reluctantly move on after noting this as a site of future interest (along with Grsh'nack's swamp), and travel the last week or so to Cassandra.

Spoiler: Welcome, one and all

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We slowly ride up to the gates of Cassandra, and they put the gates at the border to shame. The doors are gigantic gears, polished and gleaming. This should be warning us of something, but with blithely continue. A gnome guard in full plate halts us outside the gates, and we hand over our papers and explain our intent to immigrate. The guard quickly scans our forms, nods, and instructs to proceed to the Broken Crown Inn, and that Immigration will meet us there the next day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qC54mBUbRmo
With a rumble, the shining gates part to reveal a broad moat. With a rhythmic clacking, a metal bridge extends out to us and locks into place. After we pass, the bridge retracts and the gates slowly roll shut with a emphatic THUD. We may have gotten a little over our heads...

As we pass into the new and strange city, Kas' eyes lock onto a face that she inexplicably knows. Noting her recognition, the face melts into the crowd, and then a shadow strides into a nearby alley. Excusing herself, she sets off after the familiar stranger.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jamm7-6IY0
Kas uses all her wiles to catch up to the stalker, but to no avail. She finally spots a scrap of cloth on the edge of a balcony, and goes to vault up. As she just crests the edge, a blade gently rests against the back of her neck.

"Kitty, kitty. What are you doing here, little kitty? The old man think I can't handle it anymore?" Only one person ever called her that.

"Joss, what a surprise. I didn't know you were assigned here."

The blade presses a little more firmly. "When I saw you walking down the street, kitty, I could hardly believe it. Then I thought that the old man hadn't been liking what news I sent him, maybe, and he sent you to kill me. Is that why you're here, kitty?"

Kas swallows. "Come on Joss, you know my standing in the guild. You think I'd ever get assigned something that big?"

After a few tense heartbeats, the blade disappears. "What inn did they send you to, kitty?"

"The Broken Crown. I could use some intel, got any to share?"

"Oh, the things I could tell you. We'll meet the usual time and way." Kas has just enough time to look back and catch a glimpse of the figure vanishing into thin air.

Mmm, plot stew seasoned with mind control, counter-betrayal, and frenemies. Omnomnom!

[Jeargroth]

I had to practically beat them over the head with Paul Brandt. And as that was the only Country Western singer I could remember at the time that is what he was called. ( That and he is Canadian) I think it was only after describing the METHODICAL and ORDERLY performance and stage production that they finally clued in, that Bards aren't orderly by nature. After that it was just sheer Mind Freakery. The forest and city is now only the start of the adventure. Please tune in "Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel" in another 2 weeks when we have another installment of what I am now formally calling "A Golem in the Gears".

If you can't wait you can always PM me and I can tell you what is going on if your after something like it for your own game.



PS still looking for that OOT Artificer Avatar... peps someone must know how to make them... cause I can't

PPS- Its so cute. They think its a train. MUHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

[Picanet]

Spoiler: ShadowJack Joss and Kitten's Last Meeting

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*A year and a half ago....ish*

Joss had always had this thing about rooftops. He never met her in the guild halls, a side street, or somewhere public where they might blend into the safety of a crowd. No – he had to stand above the grubby streets and corners and look down upon the world during the darkest hours of night; exposed.

“Welcome Kitten, so glad you could make it on such short notice.” Joss grinned, bottle of wine in one hand and the other extended towards her as Kas carefully skipped past the loose clay tiles that would have betrayed her presence to the street below with a single miss-step. She flicked a grin of her own his way and allowed him to gently take her hand before escorting her towards a small table set with a single candle.
“Jossy,” she crooned, “wine and apple tarts? If I didn’t know you any better I’d say you were trying to get on my good side today for some particular reason.”
“And a gift,” Joss sat her down and lightly draped the soft black scarf across her shoulder. Kas reached up and felt the silk-like fabric between her fingers. It was light, but warm; breathable, but not thin; smooth, but not shiny. She couldn’t place the material, but she liked the feel of it and how it smelled like him. She held a corner to her cheek and watched Joss glide to the opposite side of the table.
“What’s the occasion? Did you manage to convince the Guildmaster that I’m capable of a lot more than night patrols and purse duty?”
Joss crossed his leg over his knee and leaned back into the chair as he corked the bottle of wine. His trademark smirk passively overtaking his features as though he was lost in some amusing thought instead of listening to her. The silvery scar along his jaw caught in the candle light for a moment; a gleaming reminder of the events that had lead up to it – and those that had followed after. A moment later Joss slid a wine glass across the table to her.
“I have some rather unhappy news, and I have some good news. Which would you rather have first?”
Kas scoffed and rolled her eyes. “News is news Joss, but if you insist on classifying it, as always, I’ll take the bad news first in case the good news can curb some of its unpleasantness.” She plucked the wine glass from the table and gave it a small tip in his direction before sipping away at the delightful beverage she indulged in on only the rarest of occasions.
“The bad news is I’ve been given a promotion of sorts…”
“That’s hardly bad news J-“
“which is going to take me out of reach for a while. A long while actually – and I leave tomorrow.”

Kas’s grip on her glass tightened significantly and she ran a fingernail along the side, avoiding eye contact as she took less of a sip and more of a proper swig out of her glass. She could hear Joss breath deep as he pushed along the ‘good’ news that was supposed to somehow make things better.
“Because of my sudden vacancy; however, I am allowed to pick my replacement – and that would be you. As of tonight you move to the Breakers Crew.” She still hadn’t looked at him. She had never been good at concealing how she felt about certain things, but gaging how upset she was… Joss still hadn’t worked that part out yet. He carried on; hoping for some glimmer of appreciation that might make the entire business less miserable. “It’ll all be second story work and higher from here. Greater compensation – you’ll have to supply your own tools and extras but I’m sure you can find some.”

The empty wine glass sat heavily on the table as Kas’s fingers began to twitch slightly. “You’re taking your extras, but not your apprentice?” She stood and suddenly swung the glass against the wire fence of the messenger pigeon coops. Clearly agitated, she paced from one foot to the other as she failed miserably to keep her emotions in check. Her voice came out low and somewhere near a growl, “I’m still on the back burner for a mistake I made when I was a ****ing pigeon – don’t bother coddling me on that. I’m not stupid.” She turned back and stared accusingly at him. “You probably made it a condition to accepting the mission that I got to move up in the work. Given you’re leaving so soon I’d hazard a guess that it took a couple days to negotiate. It wasn’t until it started to delay the mission that the bastard caved.”
Joss sighed at the loss of a perfectly good wine glass and shook his head in mild dismay. “You’ve hardly been apprentice for years now. As for the old crow keeping you on the **** list? Well. That will change. Yes I made it a condition, but they didn’t fight nearly as hard as they used to.” He left his own glass on the table and watched for one of her reflexive flinches that might end with one of her daggers in his side as he lightly stepped around the table and closer – ah. Nope. There was one of her claws already at her wrists. “Kitten….” He paused and held his arms open to either side. Less chance of getting clawed when she was upset if she came to him.

“You keep saying that – but everyone knows better.” Kas huffed and tried to swallow down the sharp nugget of anger caught in her throat. “Where? How long?”
“Could be six months, could be a couple years. I can’t say where, but when I get back I will get my choice of Day or Night Master slot. They know you got talent, the Crow can’t keep you down forever. Besides,” Joss inched closer and lightly tested a comforting hand on her arm, “second story work has a few perks. You don’t have to crawl through the muck to stay safe, and you can pick up the occasional extra on the way. I even found you a gnome crafter as a contact for good tools – his name is Tywin. He’s a cripple soooo it could make for an easy cut out.”
To his relief, her shoulders relaxed and Kas peeked over her shoulder at his best disarming grin.
“Day or Night? That’s a short step from full Heir-ship… and you’ve been ready for that as I’ve been past my apprenticeship.” The frustration eased out of her limbs as she found herself smiling – pleased with the idea. If Joss was Guildmaster one day – the natural progression would be for her to follow in her father’s footsteps as his trusted commander. She liked the idea of that very much.
“You took your share of flack when you picked me as your apprentice. I never asked why because it wasn’t my business…” Kas lost the tail end of her sentence; Jos was being distracting as his comforting arm began to snake around her waist and he pulled himself closer.
“Because I saw you shiv Brutus for trying to push you around. I knew you were something different.”
“You were there for that?” She tilted her head to the side so he could rest his chin on her shoulder. “You didn’t worry that I’d do the same to you? I’m good at killing heirs you know.” She could feel Joss shrug from behind her, “I was on overwatch at the time. He was only the favourite because he was a bastard of some stripe or another.”
“And now you’re the favourite.” Kas smiled and leaned back against him, “Lynch and HotPie know it too – maybe one of them came to me with a nice offer to shank you and put them back in the running. You let me get too close – It’s little soft spot of yours.”
“We already played that game Kitten,” Joss sneaked his other arm around her side and shifted his jaw around to stretch the scar out slightly. “Different reasons though – Besides, you scare them too much and they’re too busy trying to impress and don’t actually get any work done. You and me? We’ve been on the **** list, but we get the job done. No complaints. No praise. It says more about our abilities and confidence than all the cockadoodling they do.” He sighed unhappily as she shrugged him off in order to turn and face him.
“And yet,” Kas ran her thumb lightly along his jaw, “you are being sent off – and they get to prance about; feathers held high. I have a vested interest in you climbing up the ladder. Eventually you’ll be at a point to make better use of me rather than mugging merchants and body disposal.”
“I do make better use of you other than that –“ Joss grinned impishly
“You know damned well what I mean.” Kas rolled her eyes and gave him a light shove in the centre of his chest that did little to push him away. It did the opposite really. “You leaving for a long mission doesn’t warrant the wine and the gift Joss. You’re worried about something – but that doesn’t sound right either because the Great ShadowJack Joss doesn’t have time for silly things like worrying.”
“No I don’t – I leave this afternoon and wanted to leave a lasting impression.”

*PG Fade to Black*

[curious-puzzle]

Spoiler: Into the Robo-clockwork spider's web

Show

We're guided through the city of Cassandra to the Broken Crown Inn...and we are reaaallly in deep. This place is HUGE! It takes several hours to travel through the city, there's people everywhere, and they're all wearing the jewelry. So now we're right near the middle of a giant metropolis, with unknown magitech capabilities, and every single citizen is hostile to us if we're sussed out. Oh, and Immigration will be here in the next day or so with our own mind control accessories.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bzWSJG93P8

Oh, and we find out in-game that it's not railway tracks they're setting up. They're building towers for a crucial advantage over any other nation:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWynPcFRzWU&t=15m46s

We are in so much trouble.

Kas lets us know about Joss and her upcoming meeting. I'm totally of the opinion that Joss is going to betray us so hard, but we need any advantage or scrap of info we can get. We eventually arrive at the Broken Crown, and they're prepared for us. There are exactly enough empty wagons waiting, and as soon as we pull up, some drones start busily unpacking our wagons and repacking theirs; Tywin objects to this by first warning them to stop, then when they don't listen, telling Fred to stop them. The drones stop and stare, then start whispering furiously with each other. I prick my pointy ears forward, and catch, "they're not initiated! Why aren't they initiated, they're not supposed to be here without already being initiated?! Sand in the cogs, sand in the cogs!" They then apologize with creepy smiles and rapidly repack everything before scurrying off.

New rule: every time someone says, "sand in the cogs," they get a little mark against their name. When the forces of Evil(Tm) are my unwitting dupes, how many marks a person has will determine exactly how terrible a vengeance I wreak upon them.

Spoiler: Grab the thread with both hands and shake it!

Show

We mosey into the Broken Crown, masking our unease behind moxy and bravado. The innkeeper greets us all by name, then takes a headcount and asks where Grass Clippings is (who out of game we never woke up and left under the wagon since before entering Cassandra). I lie smoothly that everyone's here, but the DM rolls a natural 20 on the sense motive. He sharply corrects me and describes Grass Clippings to a T. I mutter sullenly about humans all looking alike to me, shrug, and tell the truth that I hadn't seen him since before we entered Cassandra. Kas backs me up, since none of us have seen Grass Clippings since last night. The innkeeper makes a note, then hands each of us a white ribbon. He explains that our room + board is complimentary, and immigration will be here in the next day or so (he mentions that our paperwork had some irregularities; Tywin made numerous subtle clever errors to hold up the process), but we must stay within a block of the inn "for our own safety." The white ribbons are to signify what zone we are allowed into. We thank the innkeeper and head up to our rooms to chat privately. I grab a chessboard to play some games with Tywin; the first idea is Pirate Chess which you take shots of rum as pieces are taken, but neither of us want to dull our wits after remembering where we are.. The day passes as we all plan ways of somehow not ending up mindraped or dead, then Kas goes off to meet with Joss. Who, by the way, we determine from his clothing and questioning the innkeeper and Paul Brandt/Grsh'nack, is posing as a member of the Enforcers, the group in charge of finding subversive elements and dealing with them. So our inside intel has either infiltrated the Secret Police (which is an awesome cover), or we are done for already.

Grsh'nack also mentions that immigration normally work in teams of 4 or 5...per person to be initiated. So our planning picks up in intensity.

Spoiler: That's Amore!

Show

Kas ninjas her way up to the roof, then notices a a single candle flickering on a table set on the nearby balcony. Not seeing Joss, she sighs and goes over and takes a seat. After a moment, Joss appears and sidles into the other seat. She raises an eyebrow.

"We're hiding in plain sight. Anyone who looks up will just see two people having dinner. Easier than trying to stay out of sight entirely." Joss beams a big fake "play along or someone's gonna get shanked" smile. "So why are you here, little kitten?" And the two reconnect as only formerly intimately acquainted mentor-student professional killers who don't trust each other can. Kas grills Joss on what he's been doing, why, for how long, and who he's been reporting to. So:
1) observing and keeping under the radar.
2) cause he was ordered to.
3) 2 years, ever since he just disappeard
4)The Day Master, like clockwork. He's been sending reports regularly using his little red sending gem. A gem just like the one I used to have...and for added fun, the Thieves guild has 3 leaders:
The Day master, the Night master, and the Guildmaster proper. We were sent by the Guildmaster - oh, and for another twist, the Day Master is Kas' father. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bW7Op86ox9g
Joss also points up at the clouds; with the setting sun, the shadow of a massive airship is visible. He's seen at least 5 so far, and has been waiting for a chance to sabotage whatever he could and make off with one.
"Just one? Such limited vision." Kas teases Joss, and asks exactly what sort of chance he's waiting for.
"Well, I haven't had anyone I could rely on until now. You realize how lucky it was that you came through in my sector? When I was on patrol? Someone is looking out for you." Joss gestures with a glass. Kas smirks bitterly.
"Which one?"

Joss warns Kas when his immigration team will be by in the morning, and that he's the only one who isn't subverted. The rings/earrings he'll bring by will be clever fakes, but we will have to sell it to the squad. The more dramatic a shift the jewelry forces, the more dramatic and "blissful" the reaction. He also warns that we'll most likely be separated after initiation, and we'll have to play it cool until we can slip through the system to get back together.

No one is alarmed at all by this, right?

Spoiler: Schemers and their schemes

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Meanwhile, Tywin and I are losing our minds plotting and counter-contingency planning. Using Prestidigitation to change the ribbon colors and hightail it out? We don't know the color pattern, and we don't know the best way out. Hide out in the sewer systems? I can make it in no problem, but Fred will have to lose his armor and Tywin will have to leave his entire livelihood behind. Summon monsters, light stuff on fire, and go forth with guns blazing? Currently plan one at the moment.

Then Kas comes back and gives us a plan that doesn't involve mass property damage and legions of fiendish dire badgers. We're naturally suspicious; seems like an easy way for us all to join the Overmind. But while the other option involves the badger brigade, it also involves likely getting beaten down and killed or worse. So Tywin feverishly crafts up a Divination to get some guidance. He asks if we should go with Joss' plan, or make a run for it. And since he worships Moradin, he receives his answer in the form of a...song?

Wut.

"There once was a gnome
Who tried to make it alone
But then he skinned his knee
Trying to get free
and got trapped in the woods and the zone"

I may not be remembering it exactly, but the gist is clear enough. We can't leave that little suspicious mist forest if we even make it that far. So we hunker down and wait for Big Brother to arrive.

[curious-puzzle]

Spoiler: Breakfast of DOOM

Show

The Enforcers come in led by Joss. And keep coming. And keep coming until there's 20-some in the room, and the impression of more outside. They very politely allow us to finish our meal, then present earrings for Fred and Tywin, a ring for Kas, and an armband for me. Tywin super subtle 'Klaatu Veraata Neckties' an Identify; looks like they're clever fakes. We take the plunge and put them on...

And the campaign doesn't end right there, so it's okay! Yaaay! We still have to bluff the rest of the jackboots though. Kas' passes smoothly; it's a minor change for her honestly. She smiles a little, and that's all. Fred passes, and sighs happily. I roll a natural 20: A stupid grin pastes itself on my face, my head lolls back, and it's probably a good thing I'm sitting behind a table.

Tywin rolls a 1. Thankfully he roleplays it very well, demanding an itemized list of everything he needs to accomplish, in descending priority. A tense moment passes, then the Enforcers shrug a little. Not everyone reacts the same, after all. We are escorted to our own carriages: Tywin is off to the Artifice quarter (there's a disgustingly lawful argument over how quarter is no longer accurate, a sixteenth would be more precise), Fred is off to the Hippogriff Riders, I'm off to the Towers of Magic, and Kas is going with Joss to the Hexadecagon in the center of the city.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUMCIn2swTU

Spoiler: Frederick

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After looking at stats, we all decide that instead of a normal hippogriff, Fred needs a Hippo-Griff. So we need a hippopotamus, an amorous dragon, Barry Manilow music, and a LOT of wine. Or if we can't find a dragon, a really desperate demon. FLYING HIPPO-FIEND GO!

So Frederick is given some bad news; he has to give up the full plate. Instead, he gets an adamantine breastplate with a permanent Feather fall effect. Downgrade, so we shall have to get the full plate back later...after being led through the stables, Fred comes across the Bastard. The Bastard is a hippogriff with bright tropical plumage, a jagged looking beak, and it apparently hates all living beings equally and with great fervor. So it's a bit of a surprise when it chirps softly at Fred, tromps forward, and shoves its head forward for scratches. The trainer is so stunned he assigns Fred to the Bastard on the spot.
*The Bastard is also an in-joke about one of the player's foul tempered pet bird, who's personality is much like how I already described, and is fueled by an unholy lust for junk food*
Fred's given some training time to familiarize himself with his new mount, but the saddle he is given binds Bastard's wings for now. As soon as he's alone though, Frederick snips the wing halters and soars off into the blue! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbzLB1wTwfA
After some, "adjustments" Fred makes a surprising number of Ride checks despite not having ranks in it. Outside the city however, over the western forest (not the creepy mist part, before that), an arrow whizzes right in front of them. The Bastard squaws and dekes, and tosses Fred right off! He gently floats down, through the thick foliage, while Bastard circles overhead, unable to get through. As he lands, a cheery (vaguely British) voice politely asks that Fred leave all his equipment, and he can leave with his life. Fred scoffs, and the DM rolls a warning shot...and rolls a natural 1. An arrow clunks against Fred's chest, then clatters to the ground in the awkward embarrassed silence.
"Sorry about that, but you do really need to leave your arms and armor. I'm sure you can get more."
"Oh, I can get more. I can get you all a lot more, if you work with me." Fred smiles.
"I'm sorry, what?" The voice is a little confused. Fred sighs, plucks the earring out of his ear, waves it about, and then puts it back in. "Can we talk somewhere where my bird can land so someone doesn't notice? I have a proposition for you."

A cloaked hooded figure appears after Fred reaches a clearing and calls the Bastard down. When the figure is vague as to whether it's the leader of this band of possibly merry outlaws, Fred surges up right in the figure's face, snarling that he'd better be! The outlaw tumbles backward smoothly drawing two blades, then sheathes them after seeing Fred's open hands.
"I suppose I am. You can call me the Raven. Now how did you do that with the earring? Whenever we try that, the poor sod dies."
"Well, we'd have to know each other better, but I have half a dozen other people just like me. And we're looking for some assistance in taking this place down to the foundations." Fred also allows himself to be strip-searched to prove he's not wearing a hidden piece of clockwork.
"You want to - what, overthrow those bastards?"
"We want to burn them down."
The Raven is stunned. "I won't help you destroy Romanov, no, but my-the people need to be freed." Hmm, interesting slip. "Tell you what; you get my men more equipment, we build some trust, and then we'll talk."

Fred flies off after receiving a signal arrow to alert the Raven when he's back. Potential ally gained! When he's grilled over flying without permission after he returns, Fred just explains that the Bastard is ornery, and wouldn't calm down until his wings were freed. Then the bird just took off with him stuck on it. The trainers slowly nod and accept his (technically) true explanation.

Spoiler: Tywin

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Twyin is given a custom carriage to ride in, leading his wagons to his new workshop. He's given a massive workspace, tools, numerous assistants, personal quarters in the workspace (due to his legs), and a choice of small or large scale objects to work on. Gesturing at his wheelchair, Tywin takes the small object choice. He's given a mass order of 100 Glitterdust scrolls, and the minions start filing in with components and paper. When Tywin inquires about the energy (xp) required, he's given a collection of small purple gemstones. Using his magic sense and an Identify, Tywin is given an alarming sensation; confusion, chaos, combat, and then nothing. That's a soul, with just enough energy (xp) to create a scroll!

Well, there's our reason (as if we needed any more) to tear this entire place down brick by creepily precise brick.

Kas swings by on an "inspection" (strangely enough, the secret police don't get questioned that often), and they swap info. She also has Tywin check out an enchanted Kukri that she requisitioned...that somehow got into the inventory without any record...and has unknown abilities...and "called" to her.

I keep telling people about coincidences, but no one seems to listen. Someone with capital letters in their names and lots of scary titles is playing with us mere mortals. Twyin inspects the blade, the silver inlay, the hilt, and then focuses on the black and white pearl set into the hilt. And then he has to make a Will save, ha! Tywin passes, and is assaulted with strife, conflict, the struggle between life and death, law and chaos, smooth and crunchy. The colors of the pearl seem to be moving back and forth, incredibly slowly. Tywin has Kas touch the blade and channel her little trick. You know, tapping into the power of death and oblivion for Science! The colors swirl around one another rapidly, oil and water. Interesting...in a creepy pawn of death and destruction sort of way. Kas gets a letter from Tywin that the blade should stay with her, and requires more study from him. She then mentions that she's going to come visit me next, then Fred.

Spoiler: Haearnbydd

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I am gently led to my carriage, where an overly enthusiastic gnome gushes about how wonderful his initiation was . I nod blissfully, and internally gag. I'm quizzed on my specialties, and once I tell them Conjuration, the gnome makes a little notation. Eventually we come to the Towers. There are 8 massive towers, and my new diminutive friend cheerfully exclaims that each has 10 floors.

Ugh. It's so organized I could go on a murderous rampage. Not yet though. Upon entrance, I am greeted by a matronly woman who seems very happy with my experience and knowledge. As a welcoming gift, she gives me free reign to transpose one spell from any of the towers, up to the third echelon of magic.

Urge to rampage...falling. At least until I'm done transcribing my new free spell. I pick up Dispel Magic, very happy to pick it up earlier than I originally planned. The next day after I'm done, Kas stops by to chat with me. After sharing relevant info, I decide to begin an important task.

Grilling Kas shamelessly for gossip and drama on the "vibe" I got between her and Joss. Hey, when you've been around humans for a century or so, you learn to spot those things, and take your entertainment where you can find it.

"He was my...mentor."
"And something more?" My eyebrows waggle. Her glare fails to drive me to a new topic.
"He's the best source of intelligence we have about this place, and he's come through so far." Kas leans back.
"I don't think we should trust him, though." Kas' glare very clearly expresses her opinion that I am both a moron, trying to teach her grandmother to suck eggs (disgusting human habit, never understood it), and also duuurrrr. I raise my hands, acknowledging defeat. I try a different angle. "Well, if you feel we can cautiously rely that he hasn't been subverted by clockwork, what about whoever he's working for with your Guild?"
"You mean my father?" Ooh, awkward. I play it smooth, simply saying yes. She considers it for a moment, mulling over the fact that I've asked if her father could have put a hit out on her. She replies that her father is quietly ambitious, and is always been big on appearances rather than actually being close to her. Sounds like a possibility.
"And if he does turn out to be working for whoever wants you dead, and turns?" I ask bluntly.
"I'll put the knife in myself. Won't be the first time I've cut him." Strangely enough, I believe she'll have no problems doing so. Note to self; invest in more Protection from stealthy stabbing spells.

Spoiler: Kas

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Kas is assigned to Joss' squad, and designated as his errand girl and messenger. It's a perfect cover for wandering about the city (within reason). They first travel to the Hexadecagon, another ridiculously large building with massive fortifications. It's like a nest of ants inside, everyone bustling about with perfect purpose and direction.

*shudder*

Kas is introduced to Joss' captain, and explains her skills in Observation and Acquisition (finding people and stealing their stuff), Infiltration (sneaking up on people and getting away with said stuff), and Elimination (stabbing people a whole bunch until they die). The captain nods and agrees with Joss' request to add her to his squad, and tells him to take Kas to the Armory.

Wandering the Armory, Kas' eyes and hands are immediately drawn to a wickedly sharp kukri, with silver inlay and a curious looking pearl in the hilt...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sRnZWSLP5w
The clerk is quite flustered that the records on this weapon are incomplete, nearly having a fit, but Kas soothes him by promising to take it to an artificer to be examined and returning the findings. Kas finds Tywin, and has her talk with him. The next day she makes her goosestepping way over to the mage towers and visits me, our little exchange occurring. Later that night, Kas sneaks her way into Joss' quarters and waits for him. When Joss shows up, he's only mildly surprised that she's there. Idly playing with a knife, Kas opens with a friendly icebreaker.

"What's the most important info I need to know from you in case you were to die suddenly?" Joss laughs, but he doesn't turn his back on Kas. "What do you need to know, kitten?"
Resistance groups that are known of: There are necromancers in the north (ugh), scattered goblins and orcs in the southern swamps (eh), but the only one that is actually an organized threat is the Raven and his men to the west (hee hee).
What happens to dissidents? Dissonance, as Joss refers to them, are dealt with by initiation. There are no prisons. As for those who are resistant to initiation, well, the artificers need energy to create new items for the city. The remains are used to fertilize the forests.
Authority figures? Joss has been working on this a while, and has a list of titles/names:
The Trapper
The Toymaker
The Cannon
The Self-maker
The Armorer
The Father (Thiloff Flowalough)

And they all apparently answer to someone or something "On High." So, names to be added to my Demonomnomnomicon.

Kas expresses the urgent need to get her specialists (us) back together. Joss shakes his head, he just doesn't have the pull to feasibly do it without attracting too much attention. Kas' minions (Kas notes a little bit of jealousy towards Tywin) will just have to sit tight. She calls Joss on the jealousy, and he admits to a bit for the level of trust Kas seems to be showing.

"You don't understand though, Joss. We can't leave Frederick alone for too much longer."
"Why?"
"Last time he was left to his own devices, he started at a bar and ended causing a whole herd of cattle to stampede!"
"Oh gods, that was him?!"
"Yep, and the ONLY person he'll listen to is Tywin. The ONLY person." Joss is distressed, he'll see what he can do, but he really can't see how to pull this off. Kas is going to have to talk to Fred and keep him calm. Otherwise, she might have to remove a liability.

Easier said than done.

So we have a cover, targets, and potential allies. All we need is to somehow join back up before someone slips up.

[Averis Vol]

I like fredrick, he's a good murder machine Really interesting session, I'm lookin forward to learning a bit more about the city, and I get think I know how The Raven is gonna fit in, the slip up kinda gives it away

Excellent read, keep em comin!

[Picanet]

Write! Write! Write!

[curious-puzzle]

Yeah, yeah, blame the new Borderlands.

I also tried for the life of me to find the music from the newsflash-style recaps on Legend of Korra, but my net-fu was too weak. So we'll have to use our imaginations and read this in a dramatic pulpy radio announcer voice:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMK8zv0q6Os
When we last left our intrepid adventurers, they had been separated and sent to different sections of the dreaded city of Cassandra! Unable to rely on each other for backup, they must maintain their cover and avoid a fate worse than death!

Spoiler: Starring Tywin, in: A dinner in the clouds, with a view to Kill for

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Tywin keeps working away at his Glitterdust requisitions, gaining a new assistant: it's Grass Clippings! He's not dead or brainwashed! Yaay! At least for now...
There's suddenly heavy, methodical footsteps echoing down the whole street. And they're getting closer....
Thud
Thud
Thud
THUD
A bizarre group strides into Tywin's workshop; a dwarf, who looks partially mechanical, a homunculus, and a massive iron golem. They all make no bones about studying Tywin (including the golem somehow). The dwarf speaks up.
"So ye're Tywin?" *Since all Dwarves have a mult-universal contractual obligation to sound vaguely Scottish :)*
"I am. How might I help you?" Tywin surreptitiously shoos Grass Clippings away; this group seems more than a tad dangerous.
"We had heard the latest Maker te join oos was a mite...unusual, and we wanted to come see for ourselvesl."
"Most unusual, yes." The homunculus pipes up, flitting off the golem's shoulder. "I say, won't you need that part your assistant is leaving with?"
Tywin ignores the homunculus and speaks to the master. "Not till later. I assume by unusual, you were referring to my "condition?" He gestures to his legs.
"Aye, not sumthing ye see every day." Okay, enough of that, he speaks with a Scottish accent. "The stories we had heard of your journey here interested us just as much. You seem to be quite the accomplished adventurer, especially given your state."
"Speaking of that, we can help with that. There's no reason for you to still be sitting in that chair." The homunculus settles back on the golem's shoulder. Tywin looks at the dwarf again, and as he's about to reply, the homunculus cuts in. "My eyes are up here, you know."

Uh oh. Tywin twigs back to what the dwarf said: "we." He looks at all 3 again, and the golem has snagged a piece of chalk and carefully drawn rudimentary eyes and a smirk on the featureless plane that serves as a face. Realizing he's facing most likely 3 members of the ominous council that was discussed last time, Tywin stifles his skyrocketing heartbeat. "How might you help me?"

"How about we discuss that over dinner? Say, this evening? We'll send someone to pick you up at 5th bell."

"I look forward to it." And with that, the three tromp/stomp/flutter their way out. Tywin sits for a long few moments, trying to steady himself as the adrenaline slowly fades. Grass Clippings comes back a bit later, and Tywin explains that he needs to get to Kas and explain what's happened, and then get himself somewhere less under watch by the Council. Grass Clippings finds this quite agreeable and vanishes (he's getting better at that). The day passes quickly, and at exactly 5th bell a flying palanquin settles outside Tywin's shop, and he ascends into the sky. There's a lot of jokes about how high up he's going to go, and if it'll be high enough in order to infuse feather fall onto himself in time (it's not, but it's high enough that the DM might just say, "you're pancake. Dead pancake"). These airship/zeppelins are MASSIVE, and the trip onto and through one is long enough that Tywin stealthily infuses levitate into his chair. Finally, after going by what looks like a control station with three pilots, he arrives at a large table with six people at it already; a mix of human, gnome, dwarf, and one halfling. There's a gnome at the head of the table who greets Tywin, and gestures for him to roll up to an open setting (thoughtfully at his height). He introduces himself as Thiloff Flowalough. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmTDAVTVLa0
What follows is a delightfully tense (at least on one side) dinner, with this most likely incredibly dangerous gnome casually grilling Tywin on his exploits, indulging counter-questions about what's happened in Romanov, and Tywin doing his absolute best to not break cover. Tywin wows this group of spellcasters/artificers/magical craftspeople with the tale of the siege especially; the halfling practically has to be physically restrained before she calms down about the trebuchet. Then the topic turns to "improving" Tywin's cirppled legs, and the table (less Thiloff) all break down into bickering, arguing, and squabbling over who's theory and style is superior. Shoving your consciousness into a construct, thought controlled siege armor, flat-out chopping them off and replacing them with steel legs. This goes on for a few minutes, until Thiloff scolds the rest of the table for ignoring their guest. Everyone shuts up as soon as Thiloff speaks up (the halfling gets a cuff in the side of the head though). Tywin deftly avoids committing to any of the suggested plans, and thanks them all for their ideas. Instead, he gets them to agree to send him some more research on several of the options, thus putting off a potential date with a maniacal artificer and several sharp blades.
Now, Tywin is very firmly Neutral, and feels that too much of any of the other alignments lead to bad news. So when Thiloff assures him that the council's (and his) mission will ensure that Order has a permanent grasp on this world, snuffing chaos out entirely, he gets the super heebie jeebies. He keeps it together for the rest of the dinner, though, and Thiloff eventually bids him good night and jumps out a window.

...Wait, what? The rest of the group rolls their eyes, mentioning that he's probably a bird of some sort right now...druid baddie, time to be paranoid of all animals and plants. Tywin is flown back down to his workshop (and sleeping quarters), and takes a LONG time to settle enough to sleep. Good news: not exposed or dead. Bad news: several of the council members are interested in him, and may or may not be checking in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Noudjnk7so

Spoiler: Fred, starring in: Quoth the Raven, give me more stuff

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Fred has the face of a saint. When he tells his CO that he's ready to fly the Bastard out on patrol with some other soldiers, they just go along with it and send some shmucks out with him. He promptly leads the patrol to the section of forest where he met the Raven, and nonchalantly fires of the signal arrow the Raven gave him.

"What was that?" Asks one of Fred's squadmates.
"What?"
"I said, what wa-"BALLISTA BOLT AMBUSH!

The other birds promptly panic and buck their riders except Fred and one other. Fred "accidentally" swings his bird into that one by pretending to lose control, and boots him off his bird. He then flies after the (feather)falling squadmates, just not getting quuiiittee close enough to grab them before they slip into the forest. He yells that he's going to land at a neaby clearing and try to help. What Fred instead does is land, get chummy and joke with the Raven some, then gives him his gear too. Then Fred tells the Raven to punch him for authenticity. Strangely enough, the Raven isn't overly reluctant, and flattens Fred with a 12hp nonlethal punch. Stripped of their gear and dignity, the squad limps/flies back to home base, and Fred complains loud and long about how something should be done about that rascally Raven. His squad captain agrees, and says he's going to push an idea up the chain...

Keep a low profile, you say? Operation: Give Tywin and Kas ulcers is a go!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkSGmlbNyhI

Spoiler: Starring Haearn, in: The Book that shouldn't have been there

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After transcribing my spell, I'm given a research project that some of the other acolytes (yeah, they full on say acolytes. Party of creeped out, your table is ready...) have been not having any luck with. It looks like they're researching ways of summoning powerful elementals and then binding them into various objects forcefully in order to use their powers at will. I'm given dispensation to wander the research wings as I see fit, and told to focus as much as I can on this task.

So I naturally crank the Spellcraft roll (plus I have a pretty high spellcraft for level 5), and figure out what they've been doing wrong within the first few hours. I then proceed to use the next 3 days or so (while everyone else is bustling about doublecrossing squadmates, freaking out about the council, or freaking out in general) to cheerfully goof around and transcribe a couple new spells into my spellbook.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfcEHOrhJmQ

However, while I'm working/goofing around in the libraries, I find a thin book bound in black scales in the middle of a bunch of matching red tomes. Curious, I snag it, and read the title: The Vital Pact. Intrigued, I flip through it and am enraptured with the mysterious content within...enough so that I almost don't notice the fact that there's no longer a space where I pulled the book from, like it was never really there. I smuggle that particular tome into my personal collection. Guess what I'm taking next level ?


I turn in my findings and solution after that, but with a minor twist; I leave a couple wards and equations out, which means if they perform the binding, it'll work...for a while. Then the binding will flex, weaken, and break. Preferably at a very important moment. I impress the higher-ups I hand it in to, they weren't expecting anything for at least a few days more, and certainly not a potential solution.

Spoiler: Starring Kas, in: What's a little Murder amongst friends?

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Kas is awakened by Joss banging on her door. She blearily shuffles over and opens her door to Joss having a panic attack over Fred's escapades. Not only has he managed to tame a bird that no one else could even go near, he's encountered the Raven, gotten a whole squad's gear stolen by said Raven, he's now talking about how he wants to go after the Raven and take him out for good!
"He's going to blow. Our. Cover!!!" Hisses Joss once his rant is over. Kas just smirks and reminds him that this was what she meant when she said Fred couldn't be alone. Joss demands that Kas take care of it...one way or another.

Side note, we calculate how much damage Kas can do with two-weapon sneak attack and her death devotion, and possibly some good poison. It would require the planets aligning to make all of her dice explode for her to kill Fred in one round. And we know what Fred can do to someone in a round...

So instead Kas goes and has a "chat" with Fred. And by chat I mean she tries to convince Fred to do nothing out of the ordinary and be a good little soldier so he doesn't attract attention, while Fred obfuscates, ignores, and trolls Kas until she nearly stabs him anyways.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEwlW5sHQ4Q
Kas goes off to try and talk to Tywin; maybe he'll have had an easier last while, and might be able to help with Fred. Fred, meanwhile, continues to talk to his commanding officer about how a small, skilled team could sneak into the forest and eliminate the Raven. It would take some people he had worked with previously, however...

[curious-puzzle]

Spoiler: Tywin and Kas in a double feature!

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Kas makes it to Tywin (this is after his council meeting and after Kas' failure to convince Fred of anything) and they compare who's had the worst day. Meanwhile, Fred and I each kick back and reeeelllaaaxx. They share info, and acknowledge that there's really little to nothing Tywin can do if the Council actually takes an intense interest in him, other than making a LOT of Explosive Runes and hoping for the best while everyone else books it. On the Fred front, however, Tywin can do something. He grabs a scroll of Sending, and buffs himself up with infusions. He needs a UMD roll of 17 to pull this off. First attempt?

Critical failure. Backlash damage? Max.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ytCEuuW2_A
Failure. Failure. Another critical failure, with the backlash damage of 11. Failure. The only other time Tywin has taken this much damage was at the hands of that Orc Captain...

And finally, with one of his last infusions, Tywin pulls it off, and fires a stern sending off. Of course, it catches Fred in the privy. Tywin tells Fred to keep a low profile, and not draw attention to himself. Fred responds that he has everything under control, and not to worry.

I can't understand why Kas and Tywin keep getting these big throbbing veins in their forehead...

The next morning, Kas is roused from her slumber at an even earlier hour by Joss trying to turn her door to splinters. Not only has Fred not kept a low profile, his idea to take out the Raven with a strike force has tweaked enough ears high enough up that they're going to go ahead with it! And Joss is summoned Upstairs! By upstairs, I mean the council in their Zeppelin of Doom. Joss is losing his mind, and we're starting to wonder if he's lost his nerve after being alone so long. However, Joss did manage to suggest that the Enforcers send someone along, and that someone will be Kas. Joss has also heard that there will be a mage sent along as well, to retrieve some magical items that are rumored to be in a ruined estate that may or may not be the Raven's home base. I wonder who that could be...?

Spoiler: The gang's back together!

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyz_2DEah4oYep, since we've all been impressive, and reports of us fighting off that orc horde have trickled through the city, our group has been reunited and tasked with several objectives.
1)Make it to a ruined manor/estate deep in the forest/swamps, and retrieve whatever magical items we can find, in particular there should be a powerful object designed to contain spirits and magical energy, with a necromantic theme. Kas and I are co-leaders for this main mission
2)If we happen to run into the Raven and his soldiers, we are to take care of them. Permanently. Fred (along with 4 footsloggers) are ostensibly in charge of this...poor Fred, he thought he was going to be the whole mission leader. He turns to issue orders, and the three of us (Kas, myself, and Tywin) are already heading out. Also, Anton and Boyd aren't dead/enslaved! Yaaaay! They're Tywin's NPC meatshields/chairpushers, if you forgot.

It takes a few days, but we make it out yet again to Fred's favorite ambush spot, aaaannndd surprise, we get ambushed. Well, our soldiers get ambushed, Kas sneaks around the whole ambush and prepares to counter ambush them. We are thoroughly unimpressed with the Raven's claim that we're surrounded (nope) by 40 archers (15, tops). After the soldiers are knocked out, Kas appears and scares the pants off the Raven's men. Tywin and I prep our stuff, and we pull the rings off the soldiers one by one, buffing and healing them as much as we can. Two make it, two don't. Tywin refuses to accept this, and manages to make two Reincarnate infusions. One comes back as a gnome (used to be human), and the other comes back as a human. We even get their genders right! The Raven is extra impressed by his efforts, and after the men call him, "My Lord," hits us with several pounds of exposition.

Spoiler: Double bacon Expositionator with cheese

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Turns out the Raven is an elf, and used to be the Lord Marshall of Romanov. He explains that Thiloff used to be a druidic advisor for the King, but he changed dramatically after travelling the different Planes of existence. Slowly but surely, people in authority were persuaded (in various ways) or disappeared until Thiloff's faction held a ridiculous amount of power. Finally, the King's Gift was given out; the clockwork jewelry. The King was never seen after that. The Raven has managed to gather everyone who hadn't put the jewelry on, and tried to make himself a thorn in Thiloff's side. Also, the Raven is the only known person to throw off the influence of a ring and not die. On a possibly related note, he's a devout worshiper of Kord. We make some arrangements for two of the soldiers to stay with the Raven, and two we wil have to find some more fake rings for (at least to last long enough that they can slip away later). There's two other bits of info we learn:

1)There's a group of druids off to the east that have stayed neutral and unaligned by messily dismembering/sacrificing/eating anyone who bothers them. This is also the druidic group Thiloff used to belong to, aaaannndd happens to be a large contingent of Fred's family.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bW7Op86ox9g
They didn't part of friendly terms. Or any terms other than, "DDDIIIIEEE!" unfortunately. So we'll put them down as a "maybe" in the allies/source of info/resources category.

2)The manor we're supposed to be finding and looting belonged to a very powerful and very unfriendly necromancer, who had escaped the King's Gift by living in an ominous forest/swamp and being a very unfriendly and angry necromancer. The Raven just let rumors slip that his base of operations was there, and the city of Cassandra firebombed the whole place. Since then, it's full of undead and magical traps, and no one goes there, and the former master of the house hasn't been seen. So the most likely undead necromancer will have lots of reason to hate both the people we're pretending to work for, and the people we're actually helping, and we're going to try and steal his stuff.

This is going to be awesome!

This last session was very very long and absolutely chock full of plot and exposition. This is a pretty short and dirty summary, I'm certain I'm missing some stuff. Sorry for taking so long to punch it out!

[Jeargroth]

Ya got most of it... just wish somebody instead of being all worried he was going to die would have asked some names at the dinner table... may have been very "Enlightening"

Jeargroth
the GM who hasn't killed his party yet.
Bladebeard