Spells you're surprised don't exist

[Nettlekid]

healing touch and blood of the martyr: book of exalted deeds
hoard life: races of the dragon.

empathic transfer also lets you feed a friend your HP.

Healing Touch is also in the Spell Compendium.

[Yael]

Create Coca-Cola. But I'm trying to deal with it.

[Dalebert]

Spell to create a false duplicate of an object. This is something that magicky types do a lot in stories. I made a homebrew that transformed a particular type of gem into a duplicate of a nearby object of no higher value (disregarding magical powers) than the gem. The duplicate obviously didn't have any magical properties of the original. It otherwise was the same.

[Heliomance]

Create Coca-Cola. But I'm trying to deal with it.

2e had rules for a magical vending machine that I'm fairly sure could dispense Coca-Cola. It was sentient and evil, but that's beside the point.

[Venger]

It was sentient and evil, but that's beside the point.

2e in 5 seconds.

[Andion Isurand]

A spell to transfer magical properties from one item to another. Its more for a fluff perspective than crunch, but its one of those things that makes some sense. You spent a lot of money on that full plate dragon armor, and you want to show it off. Too bad you're going to have to keep wearing your gauntlets of ogre str which don't match the plate armor. Or putting the properties from a new magical weapon onto your ancestral sword.

Yeah, absolutely this. It would especially help if your GM uses random loot tables. You found a cool new axe! But you're a guisarme tripper. No problem, just transfer the enchantment from the axe to the guisarme! But there's no spell to do that.

At best, I would make a spell that could switch all the magical properties of one weapon with another of at least masterwork quality, since stacking the properties of two weapons together in the same weapon would result in a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts.

[Rubik]

Doesn't have to be a spell, but I'm surprised that there's literally no way to transfer ownership of a golem or other construct to someone else.

Rod of construct control, from the A&EG.

2e had rules for a magical vending machine that I'm fairly sure could dispense Coca-Cola. It was sentient and evil, but that's beside the point.

We also have Create Acid, because when you drink Coke you're drinking acid.

Makes you think, dunnit?

So just cast Create Acid, mix it with a bit of water, then cast Prestidigitation for the taste (eugh) and the carbonation (also eugh).

[Dalebert]

We also have Create Acid, because when you drink Coke you're drinking acid.

Makes you think, dunnit?

Yes. It makes me think that you're also drinking acid when you drink orange juice or grape juice or when you eat anything with vinegar in it. I think those are all more acidic. I'm more worried about the sugar. I'm a big fan of seltzer water which is similarly acidic but without the sugar.

[atemu1234]

Rod of construct control, from the A&EG.

We also have Create Acid, because when you drink Coke you're drinking acid.

Makes you think, dunnit?

So just cast Create Acid, mix it with a bit of water, then cast Prestidigitation for the taste (eugh) and the carbonation (also eugh).

This makes a scary amount of sense.

But doesn't the acid deal 1d3 damage? I don't think Presti can get past that.

[Sith_Happens]

Rod of construct control, from the A&EG.

Doesn't remove the original creator's ability to give the construct orders.

[Rubik]

Doesn't remove the original creator's ability to give the construct orders.

But it's the closest you'll get.