LGBTAI+ 53: The Nefarious Rainbow Syndicate

[noparlpf]

So what if you experience fairly normal levels of sexual attraction, have kinks, enjoy sexual contact, etc. but are just not interested in doing the deed, so to speak?

Sounds like allosexual with low libido.

[Heliomance]

Interesting article about being trans in the British Army

[Philemonite]

Both fixable problems.

I'll have to fix that, as soon as I dig up a decent picture.

By the same logic, you have no incentive to be truthful with me either. And in my experience, in today's world brutal honesty is considered horrible while feeding delusions with blind praise is considered a good thing, for some reason. So I don't exactly trust that.

Cheep flattery is reserved for people I don't care about, but I need something from. I care about all the people here, so I don't lie to them. That includes you, naturally.

[golentan]

So, in a grand display of bisexual erasure, someone refused to believe that I could be attracted to both men and women.

[Philemonite]

So, in a grand display of bisexual erasure, someone refused to believe that I could be attracted to both men and women.

Hugs?
And cuddles, naturally.

[golentan]

It's more hilarious than anything else. I thought people would get a chuckle out of it.

[Sobol]

it's not easily possible to suppress physical arousal

When I was a teen, I discovered a technique which still works for me. When I'm starting to feel an unwanted arousal, I take a random four-digit number and begin factoring it in my mind. That's usually enough. Although sometimes a five-digit number is needed.

[SowZ]

Sounds like allosexual with low libido.

That is what I thought and how I identify, I've just had it suggested that I may be asexual. I've never agreed, though.

[Anarion]

A wild nitpick appeared! Allosexual isn't in the OP glossary. Worth adding?

[SowZ]

When I was a teen, I discovered a technique which still works for me. When I'm starting to feel an unwanted arousal, I take a random four-digit number and begin factoring it in my mind. That's usually enough. Although sometimes a five-digit number is needed.

Careful with that advice. Math nerds like myself might get more aroused.

[SiuiS]

There are also people who believe lying is one of the worst possible things you can do. Just saying.

Indeed. Friendships have broken because someone thought a little manipulation was cool, as long as it was good for the group in the end.

So, in a grand display of bisexual erasure, someone refused to believe that I could be attracted to both men and women.

Pffff.

[Shadowscale]

Does it make any sense and does it make me a bad person that despite being 19 I feel so old and done with everything and just want to stop essentially everything and retire from the world?

[Mystic Muse]

Does it make any sense and does it make me a bad person that despite being 19 I feel so old and done with everything and just want to stop essentially everything and retire from the world?

No. I'm 21 and feel the same way any time something bad happens.


So, it makes sense to me, and you aren't a bad person for it.

[golentan]

Does it make any sense and does it make me a bad person that despite being 19 I feel so old and done with everything and just want to stop essentially everything and retire from the world?

I think it means you're in the teenager to young adult range.

[noparlpf]

A wild nitpick appeared! Allosexual isn't in the OP glossary. Worth adding?

I think so. I've seen a lot of arguments about it around AVEN and tumblr but because it's used online often enough it's probably worth defining.

Careful with that advice. Math nerds like myself might get more aroused.

It's actually a commonly used technique in fMRI studies. In between scans they "tare" out the brain by giving a simple but distracting task like counting backwards from a random large number by sevens or something.

[Coidzor]

Shadowscale: It's not uncommon amongst teens stuck in the teen zone, but it's also not ubiquitous, either. For most kids it is just a phase, and for others it persists.

The general adage of "It Gets Better," should apply here, though, even for those who feel like old men at a young age and keep on feeling old up to the point where they actually are old.

Like myself, for example.

Well, yes, it's one of the worst things you can do to yourself that's not immediately lethal, lying to yourself. Hard for anyone to stop you, though.

[The Succubus]

Well, yes, it's one of the worst things you can do to yourself that's not immediately lethal, lying to yourself. Hard for anyone to stop you, though.

Indeed, especially if you can't or refuse to trust someone.

It kind of puts me in mind of folks that say "I always assume the worst because when it doesn't happen, I'll be pleasantly surprised." Brains don't work like this because if you keep doing it, you become better and better at assuming the worst. Eventually, it reaches a point where you assume the worst about even the most inconsequential thing and fear and doubt prevent you going through with any plan.

It's one of those odd safety mechanisms that harms you a lot more than it protects, like staying inside when you're depressed "until you feel up to going out", or avoiding conversation when you're anxious so that "there's no risk of embarrassment and damaging my self-confidence."

All of it begins with trust, whether it's another person or trusting yourself to be stronger than you think. For what it's worth, most of the time, people are.

[Coidzor]

This reminds me of the facebook groups I'm in as well. So much talk of sexual desire and acts and such. I really can't comprehend it even in others what's so great about or impossible to restrain when it comes to desire. IT's like its assumed that its easy to relate and understand desire.

Ok, so your first glaringly obvious problem with understanding allosexuals here is the pretty damn big and pretty damn unsupported assumption that people who aren't you should want to repress or restrain themselves from ever feeling any desire towards others.

Your second is that you seem to think that people are actively reveling in the act of desiring itself instead of it being a means to an ends and a facilitating or motivating agent. Or possibly that you think people are consiously choosing to desire, which, sorry, that's bupkis.

It is assumed that it is easy to relate to and understand desire because the majority of the human populace is assumed to be allosexual even where asexuality isn't being erased. Even though it's not exactly great for asexuals to be erased, there's also not that much gained by addressing one's discussions of one's personal allosexuality to, or asking for advice about allosexuality or sexual relationships from, asexual people.

What would you prefer to be the case instead, other than everyone be as sex-negative as you are?

[Shadowscale]

Ok, so your first glaringly obvious problem with understanding allosexuals here is the pretty damn big and pretty damn unsupported assumption that people who aren't you should want to repress or restrain themselves from ever feeling any desire towards others.

Your second is that you seem to think that people are actively reveling in the act of desiring itself instead of it being a means to an ends and a facilitating or motivating agent. Or possibly that you think people are consiously choosing to desire, which, sorry, that's bupkis.

It is assumed that it is easy to relate to and understand desire because the majority of the human populace is assumed to be allosexual even where asexuality isn't being erased. Even though it's not exactly great for asexuals to be erased, there's also not that much gained by addressing one's discussions of one's personal allosexuality to, or asking for advice about allosexuality or sexual relationships from, asexual people.

What would you prefer to be the case instead, other than everyone be as sex-negative as you are?

I don't really think much of that. More so just how an allosexual doesn't understand me from instinct and the get go I to for them. I was just speaking personally I don't think they'd want to do any of those things just based off of how I am it seems just as alien to me to have desire as it must to them to not have it. I've just noticed majority seem to assume one has desire in one thing or another. I don't mean any of this negatively and I am sorry if I seem that way.

[Skeppio]

Well, yes, it's one of the worst things you can do to yourself that's not immediately lethal, lying to yourself. Hard for anyone to stop you, though.

That's not what I meant and you know it.

What I obviously meant was: I hate when people lie. Which is why I get annoyed when people try to pass off empty flattery as honesty instead of just being honest, even if the truth hurts.

[golentan]

Skeppio, stop biting people's heads off. It's not helping.

[SiuiS]

That's not what I meant and you know it.

What I obviously meant was: I hate when people lie. Which is why I get annoyed when people try to pass off empty flattery as honesty instead of just being honest, even if the truth hurts.

Heart of the matter: why do you think Golentan would rather lie to you than not? Especially for someone who says they won't lie? Who do you think is more likely to actually see you in a positive light, you or someone outside of you? The spotlight effect is the name for when you are so familiar with something you see it's flaws and intricacies and assume everyone else judges them. You have no reason except insecurity and self-denigration to insult Golly by saying they're lying. You certainly don't have proof or reason to believe they're lying to base the accusation off of.

[golentan]

Heart of the matter: why do you think Golentan would rather lie to you than not? Especially for someone who says they won't lie? Who do you think is more likely to actually see you in a positive light, you or someone outside of you? The spotlight effect is the name for when you are so familiar with something you see it's flaws and intricacies and assume everyone else judges them. You have no reason except insecurity and self-denigration to insult Golly by saying they're lying. You certainly don't have proof or reason to believe they're lying to base the accusation off of.

Though my initial warm feelings are pretty clouded by anger right now. Calling someone a lying fool for giving honest support is a pretty self fulfilling way to make sure you won't get compliments, regardless of anything else.

[Coidzor]

I don't really think much of that. More so just how an allosexual doesn't understand me from instinct and the get go I to for them. I was just speaking personally I don't think they'd want to do any of those things just based off of how I am it seems just as alien to me to have desire as it must to them to not have it. I've just noticed majority seem to assume one has desire in one thing or another. I don't mean any of this negatively and I am sorry if I seem that way.

Ah, I grossly misread you then, sorry.

That's bog standard asexual erasure and/or ignorance, then, and, yeah, many people do have a difficult time wrapping their head around asexuality at first.

That's not what I meant and you know it.

What I obviously meant was: I hate when people lie. Which is why I get annoyed when people try to pass off empty flattery as honesty instead of just being honest, even if the truth hurts.

Consider why I would say what I did in this context though where it is your own insistence that the world is out to get you and anyone to the contrary is lying and evil that is pushing away those who would like to assure you that it is not, in fact, out to get you.

[golentan]

Why can't we all just be happy not understanding each other and let life get itself along. I like people. Even when I'm mad at someone there are very few people I don't like, but I don't understand the people I like. Drives me insane, because I keep thinking I understand my closest friends and then the rug gets yanked out from under me and I'm left scratching my head in confusion, but I still like people.

[SiuiS]

Ah, I grossly misread you then, sorry.

That's bog standard asexual erasure and/or ignorance, then, and, yeah, many people do have a difficult time wrapping their head around asexuality at first.

Aye. I had that problem with an ex. I'm not proud of how I handled things at first – I still doubt she's truly asexual, a bit of baggage that – but we ended up coming to more of an accord. In the interim I've learned that it's not fully possible to separate one's understanding of a situation from the emotions that inform that situation, and that the issue would continue to be bad because no amount of rationality would bridge the bad blood until an emotional accord was reached.

I vaguely understand a sexuality now, but I freely admit that I can't grok it in person-scale. I understand what it is but I rationalize. You know? How you can know academically that sexism exists but, say, have a valid and logical reason for why each sexist event occurred that isn't just sexism?

Why can't we all just be happy not understanding each other and let life get itself along. I like people. Even when I'm mad at someone there are very few people I don't like, but I don't understand the people I like. Drives me insane, because I keep thinking I understand my closest friends and then the rug gets yanked out from under me and I'm left scratching my head in confusion, but I still like people.

Thats a good question. I think the above is why. There's a very real effect where if I am emotionally comfortable with you, and you shock me, you will need (or we will need, in a healthier friendship, I suppose) to make amends emotionally before the body will let the brain do it's logic thing.

The closest to good I've gotten is telling someone "that makes sense and you're right, but I'm still mad, so I'm going to leave and vent and we need to work this out later".

[golentan]

I can grok asexuality just fine, there are plenty of folks I have never considered sleeping with and I can imagine generalizing that out to everybody. Aromantic I don't get. But I already said that.

[The Succubus]

If you don't mind a slight change of topic, how are Braz and your little one doing Siuis? Hope all three of you are okay. =)

[SiuiS]

I can grok asexuality just fine, there are plenty of folks I have never considered sleeping with and I can imagine generalizing that out to everybody. Aromantic I don't get. But I already said that.

Mm. I mean, it's an outside-context thing for me. I do not believe that I will ever interact with someone and think "maybe they're asexual" without being told. Or maybe I mean a romantic? They intertwine because my understanding of romance and sexuality intertwine.

I'm getting defensive though. Sorry. ^^"

Oh! Sleepy. We are all sleepy. Braz works like, 16 hours a day and is only home during the 8 hours I work. @.@

Little Trouble I doing grand though. She learned how to use a SIPPY cup today! SIPPY is apparently an accronym? Silly phone. Anyway, she learned suction makes the water come out, which is neat because when dehydrated she flips out. And she's almost walking! And occasionally says like, pseudo words that's are just darling~

She's growing too fast though. I don't know if I will be practiced enough in martial arts and philosophy when it comes time to teach her. I've grown lax in my dotage <_<

[golentan]

Excellent. I approve of children wholeheartedly. My one objection is that no matter what she'll be too old to be happy being a playmate for my kid whenever that happens. And sorry, wasn't trying to put you on the defensive.