LGBTAI+ 53: The Nefarious Rainbow Syndicate

[golentan]

So, for the first time ever I encountered an official form with "other" as an option for gender. So I checked it.

[Lentrax]

so three months ago I asked on another forum if they thought I had a hope of passing one day, and most of the responses were basically, "uhhh, you're not full time yet? You're part time then, right?" When I'm like... Not even close to part time at all. As one of the only cashiers in a busy store, I see at least 500 people a day. If I'm trying really hard I can get like 4-5 misses or ma'ams throughout a day, otherwise it's all sits and buddies. if I don't put any effort into it im lucky to get 1 miss. It's really soul crushing, especially when I come online and people are like, "just jump into full time, you're ready for it and everyone else will pretend to see you as a girl cause it's rude not to". I have recently started doing something that's not only really helping my self confidence but also earning me extra money to save up and move somewhere more progressive, but I still feel niggling little thoughts that I will never pass and I know that's dysphoria but ugh, I thought I would be better at dealing with it by now...

I don't think we ever get good at "dealing" with dysphoria. We just have some good days. And we have bad days.

[Grytorm]

Its nice going to a community college because things classes are a bit more personal and it doesn't cost as much. But it kind of sucks that it is so limited and I can't really do anything worthwhile there anymore. Just finding classes to fill the time until I exit the place.

Edit: On the subject of crushes it seems like all of my crushes are already dating someone else.

[MonkeySage]

I feel so useless, all I can offer is my friendship... But I want to help.

My friend, D, is asexaul. Specifically, he's a heteroromantic asexual. He fears that he's never going to find a heteroromantic asexual woman who shares his interests.

Does anyone else have experiences with this that they might be able to share? I can understand the feeling of loneliness, having been the only gay guy I knew until I got to college... But I at least know other gay people.. he doesn't know any other asexuals, and he's confident that where he lives, he'll never meet any at all. And he's depressed...

[golentan]

I feel so useless, all I can offer is my friendship... But I want to help.

My friend, D, is asexaul. Specifically, he's a heteroromantic asexual. He fears that he's never going to find a heteroromantic asexual woman who shares his interests.

Does anyone else have experiences with this that they might be able to share? I can understand the feeling of loneliness, having been the only gay guy I knew until I got to college... But I at least know other gay people.. he doesn't know any other asexuals, and he's confident that where he lives, he'll never meet any at all. And he's depressed...

Asexuality is not necessarily a turn off. As someone who evidently is incredibly attracted to asexuals myself, umm... yeah, there have been people I would have gone celibate for in the past. And present. Basically, while I enjoy sex it's not an essential part of a relationship, and if he's willing to show affection other ways a great happiness can be had by all. Of course, I'm male, so I can't solve his problem even if he happened to be nearby and we clicked, but... yeah.

[noparlpf]

I feel so useless, all I can offer is my friendship... But I want to help.

My friend, D, is asexaul. Specifically, he's a heteroromantic asexual. He fears that he's never going to find a heteroromantic asexual woman who shares his interests.

Does anyone else have experiences with this that they might be able to share? I can understand the feeling of loneliness, having been the only gay guy I knew until I got to college... But I at least know other gay people.. he doesn't know any other asexuals, and he's confident that where he lives, he'll never meet any at all. And he's depressed...

It can happen by chance (like me and my ex), through asexual communities (at college or online), or through asexual-specific dating sites (of which there are a few rudimentary ones). It's also possible for an allosexual partner to go celibate. It's not like sex is a physical requirement for life. Anyway, it can be tough. Good luck to him.

[SowZ]

I feel so useless, all I can offer is my friendship... But I want to help.

My friend, D, is asexaul. Specifically, he's a heteroromantic asexual. He fears that he's never going to find a heteroromantic asexual woman who shares his interests.

Does anyone else have experiences with this that they might be able to share? I can understand the feeling of loneliness, having been the only gay guy I knew until I got to college... But I at least know other gay people.. he doesn't know any other asexuals, and he's confident that where he lives, he'll never meet any at all. And he's depressed...

Is sex a turn off to him to the point where engaging in it would be unpleasent, or something he would feel he was being pressured/compromising himself to do? Or is it something he has no specific problem with, but just isn't appealing? Plenty of romantic asexuals find sex okay, or even a little enjoyable, it's just ultimately insignificant to them. That is, it doesn't feel bad or gross to have sex, but there are plenty of other ways they would rather spend their time and would be fine not engaging at all.

Asexuality, like most things, exists on a complex spectrum.

Spoiler: Personal Experience, sexual talk

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Anyway, I do not presume to know your friends situation, and don't identify as asexual. As for you, I haven't experienced anything that is a parallel to the issues gay people experience, I don't think. But I can relate to asexuals some. I never seriously pursued dating or even kissing a girl back in high school despite being reasonably popular. Up until age 21 or 22 I never masturbated, (no moral reason, I just didn't feel like it,) and still haven't engaged in traditional sex.

I recall a long term girlfriend had a higher sex drive than I did in college but when we fooled around I enjoyed myself. My first orgasm happened during this time, I liked it, but didn't really pursue them. I didn't have another for many months and I was perfectly fine with this. My last was, oh, probably over a year ago. It's whatever. My sex drive did kick in to a higher level during that relationship and I've even developed several kinks but I still find myself not too interested in nude women or pursuing sex at this time in my life. Women in less than typical clothing, think bikini or underwear, can increase my libido but nudity I find distasteful the vast majority of the time. I do not think this makes me asexual, it may not even be worth mentioning, but you asked people to share experiences so there it is. I am sure I would enjoy sex if I had it. I more than likely will eventually, but right now I don't care to.

While I hold zero expectation that your friend's sex drive will ever increase, like mine did, people that don't really pursue sex aren't necessarily opposed to it. Like I said, it is a spectrum. I'm somewhere on it as is your friend. Your friend is probably farther along it than I am, but that does not necessarily mean sex is distasteful to him. Maybe it is, which is fine, and maybe it isn't.

The point? All that is to say this; plenty of romantic asexuals are in relationships with sexual people. For it to work, more often than not, (in my knowledge at least, it could be inaccurate for countless couples,) the couples still engage in sex and the asexual person's pleasure may be largely dependent on knowing they are pleasuring their partner. I've also heard of people who engage in sex when they get no pleasure or displeasure out of it, (though they may still try things they know their partner likes.) For these asexuals, I've heard it described like watching James Bond movies or playing a board game for your partner's sake when you aren't actually into it. As long as there is give and take, equality, respect, and no one feels pressured into anything, this is perfectly fine.

It of course wouldn't work for everybody and there are those asexuals who never want to engage in sex. Which is perfectly fine. And if they don't want to they shouldn't feel like they have to. Anyway, I'm sure your friend knows more about himself than any of us but I hope he doesn't feel like the only people who would ever date him are other asexuals. There are definitely heterosexual people out there who don't have a problem dating romantic asexual people.

Not sure if I've ever really gone into detail about that before. Huh.

[Coidzor]

So, for the first time ever I encountered an official form with "other" as an option for gender. So I checked it.

Neat! Nifty! Government? Business? Medical? Research?

I feel so useless, all I can offer is my friendship... But I want to help.

My friend, D, is asexaul. Specifically, he's a heteroromantic asexual. He fears that he's never going to find a heteroromantic asexual woman who shares his interests.

Does anyone else have experiences with this that they might be able to share? I can understand the feeling of loneliness, having been the only gay guy I knew until I got to college... But I at least know other gay people.. he doesn't know any other asexuals, and he's confident that where he lives, he'll never meet any at all. And he's depressed...

What, is he something like a juggalo where the only potential partner he'd be able to be with would have to be 100% like him aside from being a woman?

Sounds like he really needs to get in touch with AVEN or something though, if he knows 0 other asexuals.

It can happen by chance (like me and my ex), through asexual communities (at college or online), or through asexual-specific dating sites (of which there are a few rudimentary ones). It's also possible for an allosexual partner to go celibate. It's not like sex is a physical requirement for life. Anyway, it can be tough. Good luck to him.

Or, y'know, an arrangement could possibly be worked out that isn't just the allosexual person completely repressing themselves, that's potentially a possibility that has happened for people in this very thread too.

[SiuiS]

It can happen by chance (like me and my ex), through asexual communities (at college or online), or through asexual-specific dating sites (of which there are a few rudimentary ones). It's also possible for an allosexual partner to go celibate. It's not like sex is a physical requirement for life. Anyway, it can be tough. Good luck to him.

It can certainly feel like it though. I can't be sure of how anyone else's relationship works but part of the reason folks like sex is the touching and emotional intimacy. If they're conditioned to view those activities alone as fulfilling that role, they not is a need if only by degrees.

That's always been a pickle. No, your body won't die if you abstain but your soul might shrivel up. And it's personal; how so you convey that meaningfully, without making it sound universal? Etc.

Or, y'know, an arrangement could possibly be worked out that isn't just the allosexual person completely repressing themselves, that's potentially a possibility that has happened for people in this very thread too.

Sarcasm aside, aye. I don't want to sound crass but if folks would open themselves up to understanding the spirit of monogamy instead of abiding by a rule ingrained but unthought, thing a would be a lot easier for some folks.

Not all, mind. I fully expect detailed self analysis of monogamy to result in no functional change, but for those edge cases where it helps, it helps.

[golentan]

Neat! Nifty! Government? Business? Medical? Research?

Medical. My new mental health provider.

It can certainly feel like it though. I can't be sure of how anyone else's relationship works but part of the reason folks like sex is the touching and emotional intimacy. If they're conditioned to view those activities alone as fulfilling that role, they not is a need if only by degrees.

That's always been a pickle. No, your body won't die if you abstain but your soul might shrivel up. And it's personal; how so you convey that meaningfully, without making it sound universal? Etc.



Sarcasm aside, aye. I don't want to sound crass but if folks would open themselves up to understanding the spirit of monogamy instead of abiding by a rule ingrained but unthought, thing a would be a lot easier for some folks.

Not all, mind. I fully expect detailed self analysis of monogamy to result in no functional change, but for those edge cases where it helps, it helps.

Touching is a must for me. Skin on skin contact, aye, it's the number one thing I miss from being in a relationship. Sex not so much. I think I could get by for forty or fifty years with no sexual contact with someone else, but if I was in a relationship where we couldn't go to sleep together and cuddle, where I was expected never to touch someone else... That would be a dealbreaker. Nudity would be a huge plus in the cuddling, but wouldn't have to get sexual beyond that to be satisfying.

[Philemonite]

Piggeh!

Between you and Golentan, it seems like guinea pigs are becoming the default pet of choice for LGBTers. :p



(Above comment is tongue in cheek pouch and does not accurately reflect the awesomeness of bunnies, ferrets or other huggable small furry mammals and marsupials)

No guinea pig can stand up to the mighty kitten army.

Thanks. It is nice to see another persona fan.

If you wanna see more I have a Persona game that has been going on for quite some time, and it's about to start recruiting again.

[Astrella]

so three months ago I asked on another forum if they thought I had a hope of passing one day, and most of the responses were basically, "uhhh, you're not full time yet? You're part time then, right?" When I'm like... Not even close to part time at all. As one of the only cashiers in a busy store, I see at least 500 people a day. If I'm trying really hard I can get like 4-5 misses or ma'ams throughout a day, otherwise it's all sits and buddies. if I don't put any effort into it im lucky to get 1 miss. It's really soul crushing, especially when I come online and people are like, "just jump into full time, you're ready for it and everyone else will pretend to see you as a girl cause it's rude not to". I have recently started doing something that's not only really helping my self confidence but also earning me extra money to save up and move somewhere more progressive, but I still feel niggling little thoughts that I will never pass and I know that's dysphoria but ugh, I thought I would be better at dealing with it by now...

*offers hugs* I had the same thing at my job too, work clothing doesn't really help. Also I don't know if what gender you signed up for the job as, but if you singed up as male people do talk, so like, it spreads adn people are more likely to misgender you cause of it.

[noparlpf]

Yeah, I'm just tired of all the "the asexual partner can compromise! some of us can have/enjoy sex! we're normal too!" going around the internet when there's not really any "well you know the allosexual partner could compromise too? did anybody think of that?"

[Marnath]

Yeah, I'm just tired of all the "the asexual partner can compromise! some of us can have/enjoy sex! we're normal too!" going around the internet when there's not really any "well you know the allosexual partner could compromise too? did anybody think of that?"

Hmm, that doesn't really sound as fair though. To me at least. Unless you're at the very end of the spectrum where it's actively distasteful, the ace partner isn't really losing anything to accommodate their partner while the reverse of that is a sexual person who's denying a pretty basic desire. It kind of seems to me like only one person is really losing something in that exchange.


Of course this opinion was developed in a vacuum so if what I said is out-of-touch or offensive I apologize. I could never actually be in a position to worry about what a romantic partner wants, so I have no real basis for assuming I'd handle this question a certain way.


Wow that was extremely unhelpful, huh? Forget I said anything.

[Serpentine]

I think it's a situation where a compromise is necessary, but where exactly that compromise lies and what form it takes has to be up to the individuals and circumstances involved.

[Zalphon]

Yeah, I'm just tired of all the "the asexual partner can compromise! some of us can have/enjoy sex! we're normal too!" going around the internet when there's not really any "well you know the allosexual partner could compromise too? did anybody think of that?"

Compromise really is key. Both parties have needs which they wish to have respected and taken care of. Which is why my girlfriend and I have discussed extensively on the matter of sex and it'll be something that happens, but not with a high or even moderate level of frequency. But every once in a while.

[noparlpf]

To me it feels kind of like saying something like "well a gay man can have/enjoy sex with a woman" which while technically true in a physical sense completely bypasses the bit where the gay man does not want to have sex with a woman. (Change it to biromantic/homosexual, which is a real thing I've encountered, and you run into a case where that might actually come up.)

[SowZ]

Spoiler: Continuing the Asexuality Discussion

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Yeah, I'm just tired of all the "the asexual partner can compromise! some of us can have/enjoy sex! we're normal too!" going around the internet when there's not really any "well you know the allosexual partner could compromise too? did anybody think of that?"

Most allosexual people wouldn't be happy in a celibate relationship, though. When romantic asexuals really don't want to have sex, and some really don't and that's perfectly fine, it does limit their options. There is nothing wrong with that, just like there is nothing wrong with an allosexual person wanting to be in a sexual relationship, but if an asexual person can be happy in a relationship where sex is a thing, but the allosexual person cannot be happy in a celibate relationship, it makes more sense for the couple to have sex. There is of course going to be compromise from both sides in a healthy relationship.

To me it feels kind of like saying something like "well a gay man can have/enjoy sex with a woman" which while technically true in a physical sense completely bypasses the bit where the gay man does not want to have sex with a woman. (Change it to biromantic/homosexual, which is a real thing I've encountered, and you run into a case where that might actually come up.)

But expecting an allosexual person not to have sex isn't so different than expecting a gay person to have heterosexual sex. It is asking them to go against their sexuality. Depending on where the asexual person falls on the spectrum, having sex isn't necessarily against their sexuality. For some it would be, for some it wouldn't. It isn't anyone's fault or anything.

With an asexual/allosexual couple, I think some people could do sex quite a bit less frequently, (for myself, I'm in that group,) and some people couldn't. Just like some asexual people would be happy in a fairly active sexual relationship and some wouldn't. If a biromantic homosexual and a heterosexual wanted to be together, it would be pretty challenging if the heterosexual craved sex and the biromantic one didn't. I'm not saying it would be impossible, but there would certainly be challenges.

[Zalphon]

To me it feels kind of like saying something like "well a gay man can have/enjoy sex with a woman" which while technically true in a physical sense completely bypasses the bit where the gay man does not want to have sex with a woman. (Change it to biromantic/homosexual, which is a real thing I've encountered, and you run into a case where that might actually come up.)

It's not that she has a disdain, just a lack of interest.

[Reality Glitch]

Continuing the Asexuality Discussion

This is starting to get into the territory so vague, nuanced, and all-encompassing that I'm starting to think "Do we really need all these different labels anymore?" It's like the difference between class-based and classes R.P.G. systems; just say what you want/like, what you don't want/like, who with, how often and how much you're willing to compromise. So instead of saying "I am asexual." and possible confuse others with exactly what that means, say "I don't draw please from intercourse, but I'm still willing to partake." or what my response would if someone asked me, "Nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope........NOPE! !"

[noparlpf]

Spoiler: Continuing the Asexuality Discussion

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Most allosexual people wouldn't be happy in a celibate relationship, though. When romantic asexuals really don't want to have sex, and some really don't and that's perfectly fine, it does limit their options. There is nothing wrong with that, just like there is nothing wrong with an allosexual person wanting to be in a sexual relationship, but if an asexual person can be happy in a relationship where sex is a thing, but the allosexual person cannot be happy in a celibate relationship, it makes more sense for the couple to have sex. There is of course going to be compromise from both sides in a healthy relationship.

But expecting an allosexual person not to have sex isn't so different than expecting a gay person to have heterosexual sex. It is asking them to go against their sexuality. Depending on where the asexual person falls on the spectrum, having sex isn't necessarily against their sexuality. For some it would be, for some it wouldn't. It isn't anyone's fault or anything.

With an asexual/allosexual couple, I think some people could do sex quite a bit less frequently, (for myself, I'm in that group,) and some people couldn't. Just like some asexual people would be happy in a fairly active sexual relationship and some wouldn't. If a biromantic homosexual and a heterosexual wanted to be together, it would be pretty challenging if the heterosexual craved sex and the biromantic one didn't. I'm not saying it would be impossible, but there would certainly be challenges.

Spoiler: Asexual stuff

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I dunno, from my perspective as a demisexual, I feel like doing something sexual when you're completely uninterested but not necessarily actively repulsed (been there) is much much harder/more uncomfortable than not doing something sexual when you are interested (been there). That could just be me though.

My main point is simply that there's too much out there about how asexual people can participate in sex but very little about how allosexual people can abstain from sex and that both are possible.

[Reality Glitch]

^Proves my point.^

[SowZ]

Spoiler: Asexual stuff

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I dunno, from my perspective as a demisexual, I feel like doing something sexual when you're completely uninterested but not necessarily actively repulsed (been there) is much much harder/more uncomfortable than not doing something sexual when you are interested (been there). That could just be me though.

My main point is simply that there's too much out there about how asexual people can participate in sex but very little about how allosexual people can abstain from sex and that both are possible.

Spoiler

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I've known almost no allosexual people who are okay just abstaining from sex indefinitely. For a time, maybe, but not as a lifestyle. That's just my experience, though. But as far as I've seen, such a thing seems unlikely to work. Eventually, the allosexual person is probably going to want sex quite a bit. Thing is, I don't think abstinence or chastity is something that really works for most people. You see gay people encouraged to abstain because of narrow mindedness of relatives, or people in various priesthoods who try and abstain, and it never really seems to be a healthy thing.

As said earlier, sex and orgasms aren't really something I do, or have ever done. (Never done sex, I mean. Never really pursued it. I've had a few orgasms that I could probably count on one hand.) So I'm not really talking about me that much. Though if I was married to someone, I would expect and hope there would be sex from time to time. But anyway.

An allosexual/asexual couple have several options, of course. They can engage in sex frequently, and hopefully the asexual person doesn't mind, but this clearly favors the allosexual partner. They can abstain entirely, but I can't see this working for most people. Or they can engage in sex occasionally but not too frequently, which to me sounds like a compromise in the middle assuming sex isn't repulsive to the asexual partner. Or they could have a sexually open relationship, which would work for some couples and clearly not for others.

You may be right that there is stuff there telling asexual people they can just have sex even if they don't feel like it. And people should not feel pressured into such a thing, so that isn't right. But there isn't a lot out there telling people how to make chastity work because most the time I don't think it does.

[SiuiS]

Touching is a must for me. Skin on skin contact, aye, it's the number one thing I miss from being in a relationship. Sex not so much. I think I could get by for forty or fifty years with no sexual contact with someone else, but if I was in a relationship where we couldn't go to sleep together and cuddle, where I was expected never to touch someone else... That would be a dealbreaker. Nudity would be a huge plus in the cuddling, but wouldn't have to get sexual beyond that to be satisfying.

Aye. And a lot of sexual stuff is bound so close to basic emotional intimacy and a sense of entitlement by societal mores that it's a morass. All I can do is describe the surface patterns, I don't dare even begin to try untangling the processes beneath to get at the root.

Yeah, I'm just tired of all the "the asexual partner can compromise! some of us can have/enjoy sex! we're normal too!" going around the internet when there's not really any "well you know the allosexual partner could compromise too? did anybody think of that?"

Aye. A legitimate complaint.

Hmm, that doesn't really sound as fair though. To me at least. Unless you're at the very end of the spectrum where it's actively distasteful, the ace partner isn't really losing anything to accommodate their partner while the reverse of that is a sexual person who's denying a pretty basic desire.

But it's not a necessity and it's not any more of a desire than an asexual's desire to not have sex.

I think it's a situation where a compromise is necessary, but where exactly that compromise lies and what form it takes has to be up to the individuals and circumstances involved.

Wise.

Most allosexual people wouldn't be happy in a celibate relationship, though.

If you need sex in a relationship, the key is to not date someone for whom sex is off the table, not force them to bend to your whims because you're the majority and society supports your needs over theirs.

[SowZ]

If you need sex in a relationship, the key is to not date someone for whom sex is off the table, not force them to bend to your whims because you're the majority and society supports your needs over theirs.

Which is precisely what I've been saying. I don't know if I could have made it more clear that you should never pressure someone into having sex or that someone wanting nothing to do with sex is absolutely okay. My point is not that asexual people should just deal with having sex, but instead an argument against chastity of a sexual person as a good solution. If there are two people, one has an average sex drive and one actively does not want sex, there probably isn't going to be a good solution here if a sexually open relationship is off the table. One partner feeling pressured into sex, or the other partner going celibate when they don't want to, either way I don't think this is healthy.

And there's a spectrum. You have asexual people who do not have an active desire not to have sex just as there are people, like myself, who do not identify as asexual yet don't pursue sex or even orgasms. Some asexual people don't mind sex, some do. Some allosexual people pursue sex and it is a big part of their life, some are perfectly happy without it. It all varies.

[SiuiS]

My faux pas then.

[SowZ]

My faux pas then.

No, it's fine, if my post came off as frustrated that is my bad, I didn't mean it that way. I totally understand that sex entitlement is a massive part of most cultures and so your response was perfectly understandable.

[Kesnit]

I ended up with a cat with no genitals, myself. Had to have his urethra rerouted through his bellybutton due to bladder issues, but his owners didn't want to pay for it and abandoned him, so he ended up with me because nobody else at work could take him.

I had a dog who - for reasons we never could figure out - would bleed from his penis. He didn't seem to be in pain when it happened, and the vet could never find a urinary infection. Just, about ever 6 months, he would drip blood.

Spoiler: My reaction the first time it happened, spoilered because it isn't a necessary story

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I was still in the Navy, though on shore duty. I'd only been at my command a few months, and had not found a vet for him yet. (His shots were still good and he hadn't gotten sick.) I came home from work one day to find blood on the carpet and him dripping blood. I frantically ran to my computer to find a vet near me that I could actually find. (I wasn't all that familiar with the area yet.) Finding one, I called, hoping they were still opened and accepting patients. Thankfully, they could see him.

After several years and various treatment attempts, the vet finally recommended a surgery done on male cats who get urinary tract infections a lot. His penis was removed and an opening created between his legs. However, he never figured it out, and continued to lift his leg for years. (He finally started squatting when the arthritis in his hips got too bad for him to be able to balance.)

If you need sex in a relationship, the key is to not date someone for whom sex is off the table, not force them to bend to your whims because you're the majority and society supports your needs over theirs.

This is my idea. I've seen a lot of talk of "compromise," but wonder if that is actually the best approach. Sure, being single sucks, but would you rather be in a relationship with someone with whom you have such a major difference as sexual desire? Wouldn't it be better to hold out for someone that you fit with?

[Coidzor]

Spoiler: Tangent Ahoy!

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Yeah, I'm just tired of all the "the asexual partner can compromise! some of us can have/enjoy sex! we're normal too!" going around the internet when there's not really any "well you know the allosexual partner could compromise too? did anybody think of that?"

Well, sure, it's just that the initial statements presented something that would not be a compromise as if it were one.

[SiuiS]

I had a dog who - for reasons we never could figure out - would bleed from his penis. He didn't seem to be in pain when it happened, and the vet could never find a urinary infection. Just, about ever 6 months, he would drip blood.

That happens in humans, too. The causes can be anything from trauma and venereal diseases, to abstinence (?!).

This is my idea. I've seen a lot of talk of "compromise," but wonder if that is actually the best approach. Sure, being single sucks, but would you rather be in a relationship with someone with whom you have such a major difference as sexual desire? Wouldn't it be better to hold out for someone that you fit with?

Compromise is a weasel word in this sense. Did you compromise at a low level, and have sex anyway? Compromise at a mid level and come to an arrangement? Compromise at a higher level and decide "better to be friends than forlorn lovers" and break up? What does compromise even mean?

I'm all for part amicably, or for find a funbuddy for the physical needs your partner can't meet (with their knowledge and assent).