LGBTAI+ 53: The Nefarious Rainbow Syndicate

[Grytorm]

I just wasn't certain about the debit card thing. I probably will be able to use mine then. Payning in cash is kind of an option but I haven't had a lot of cash lately and debit makes it a bit easier. Thanks for the information.

I'm not quite sure I follow the question you're trying to ask here, sorry.

Sorry. It was an oddly worded question. Mostly I feel fairly confident about my gender identity but I want to feel more certain before telling my family. And it is hard to figure it out more if I don't have much space to try and figure things out in. Just wondering if their were any ideas on how to make a bit more space to be myself.

Also I am in a Sci Fi lit class and wrote a short paper on The Left Hand of Darkness and wondered if anyone might want to read it. In the grand scheme of things it probably isn't that original but it connects with the thread so I just felt like checking.

[Lycunadari]

Also I am in a Sci Fi lit class and wrote a short paper on The Left Hand of Darkness and wondered if anyone might want to read it. In the grand scheme of things it probably isn't that original but it connects with the thread so I just felt like checking.

I'm interested in your paper. I've read the book a few years ago and I'd love to hear others opinions on it.

[Astrella]

I'm interested in your paper. I've read the book a few years ago and I'd love to hear others opinions on it.

I haven't read it yet, but have been wanting to do so for quite a while.

[Grytorm]

Sure. I can post it. It still needs more work because I wasn't entirely up to date on the assignment but it seems decent.

Spoiler: Paper

Show

Two are One
People are obsessed with duality. It is an expression of our desire to see order in the world. Ursula LeGuins The Left Hand of Darkness focuses much of its time on these dualities people observe in the world around them. The main ones hinted on in the book are the dualities of light and dark as well as the dualities of male and female. These two pairs are ultimately shown to be somewhat immaterial concepts. They are expressions of each other and expressions of a deeper truth. This interwoven duality is expressed explicitly in the case of light and darkness and implicitly in the case of gender through its parallels with illumination.

Light and darkness is a clear theme in the novel. There is the poem which provides the title which establishes united duality, “Light is the left hand of darkness and darkness is the right hand of light.” (pg 233). This concept of unity in opposites, that ultimately both light and dark is expressions of some greater truth is clear and later shown in their travels across the ice. “I came to long for snow, for blizzard, for anything: but morning after morning we came out of the tent into the void, the white weather, what Estraven called the Unshadow.” (pg 261). Here the white light takes the form of darkness. It is so bright it passes into a white night. Out on the ice the light is darkness and only with darkness can you see the way.

As above so below. The explicit merger of darkness and light implies a similar statement on the reality of gender. Because these two are parallel it suggests the idea to the reader that male and female are not only blended in this world but they also are in ours. “No. Yes. No, of course not, not really. But the difference is really important…. I can’t tell you what women are like.” (pg 234). Our dualities are incomprehensible. Genly Ai cannot say what the difference is because on a fundamental level everyone is human. Our shared humanity is what is important but to understand the world, to explain it to others we need these designs. The schema of gender is an important part of our lives but it is only an expression of our fundamental human nature.

The theme of our fundamental nature as humans is further emphasized by Genly Ai’s mission from the Ekumen. Throughout the story it returns to the specifics of his mission. That people always come alone to a new world. Near the beginning he states that it is to calm the locals. Make them treat the emissary with respect but not fear. But as the story progresses he wonders about this considers if it is to influence him rather than the newcomers. “When the rest of the envoys arrive Genly notes, “But they all looked strange to me, men and women, well as I knew them. Their voices sounded strange: too deep, too shrill. They were like a troop of great strange animals, of two different species; great apes with intelligent eyes, all of them in rut, in kemmer.” (pg 296). A stage of culture shock is to seek people like yourself. Whom speak with the same tongue. But Genly Ai is sent alone. All the better to see Estraven and the others as nothing more or less than people.

Ultimately The Left Hand of Darkness is a book about people. And deeper than that it is about men and women. How men and women ultimately are people. And the story shows this through the parallels it establishes between the duality of light and dark as well as the parallels between Genly’s quest to understand the Gethenians as people and how strange women are to him. But they are still people, still human.

Light is the left hand of darkness
And darkness is the right hand of light.
Two are one, life and death, lying
Together like lovers in kemmer,
Like hands joined together,
Like the end and the way.

[Zurvan]

Yeah so I'm very angry with myself today because my trans friend decided to come out to our friends and they had terrible reactions and I could not support her because I was afraid they would find out about my own sexuality.

So I stood there. Doing nothing while they said all those horrible things to her.

So right now she don't want to talk to me since she is very sad and disappointed. My other best friend well now ex-best friend is a homophobic jerk and my other friend is a 22 years guy who is depressed and suicidal(And thinks he is too old!!!). I never felt so alone. I never felt so bad not gfor doing soemthing qwrong... But by doing nothing and slowly losing all people that I care.

[golentan]

Yeah so I'm very angry with myself today because my trans friend decided to come out to our friends and they had terrible reactions and I could not support her because I was afraid they would find out about my own sexuality.

So I stood there. Doing nothing while they said all those horrible things to her.

So right now she don't want to talk to me since she is very sad and disappointed. My other best friend well now ex-best friend is a homophobic jerk and my other friend is a 22 years guy who is depressed and suicidal. I never felt so alone. I never felt so bad not gfor doing soemthing qwrong... But by doing nothing and slowly losing all people that I care.

Frankly, you should have stood up for her. Choosing not to act is itself a choice and an action.

[BladeofObliviom]

Yeah so I'm very angry with myself today because my trans friend decided to come out to our friends and they had terrible reactions and I could not support her because I was afraid they would find out about my own sexuality.

So I stood there. Doing nothing while they said all those horrible things to her.

So right now she don't want to talk to me since she is very sad and disappointed. My other best friend well now ex-best friend is a homophobic jerk and my other friend is a 22 years guy who is depressed and suicidal. I never felt so alone. I never felt so bad not for doing something wrong... But by doing nothing and slowly losing all people that I care.

Gosh, that's terrible! Internet Hugs are available if you want them.

I'd suggest sending some kind of reassuring message to her if you can, like a text or something else she can read on her own terms. I know that I, at least, would be downright elated to learn that I still have someone left if I were feeling like everyone around me had rejected me.

Frankly, you should have stood up for her. Choosing not to act is itself a choice and an action.

You're not wrong, but I think Zurvan's perfectly aware of that (based on the "Angry with myself" bit) and intensifying regret doesn't help anyone.

[Zurvan]

I know I know! I regret so much... But it was so out of the blue. We were talking about perfume or something like that and then she decided it was time. I did not know how to react no one was prepared to and she started talking and talking and everyone was so...urgh it was terrible.

I think if she had chosen a more appropriate time. But now I know everyone will gossip about it and her father will end up...Urg I don't even want to think about it.

[Zalphon]

Yeah so I'm very angry with myself today because my trans friend decided to come out to our friends and they had terrible reactions and I could not support her because I was afraid they would find out about my own sexuality.

So I stood there. Doing nothing while they said all those horrible things to her.

So right now she don't want to talk to me since she is very sad and disappointed. My other best friend well now ex-best friend is a homophobic jerk and my other friend is a 22 years guy who is depressed and suicidal(And thinks he is too old!!!). I never felt so alone. I never felt so bad not gfor doing soemthing qwrong... But by doing nothing and slowly losing all people that I care.

...Zurvan, don't blame yourself. You're only human and we all make mistakes, not that that was necessarily a mistake. You were afraid--don't blame yourself too harshly.

[Serpentine]

You need to forget everyone else, stop making it about yourself, and step up and reach out to her now. Call her up right now - or if it's too late or she's in class or something, send her a message and call her at the best appropriate time. And next time, do better.
When you talk to her, whatever you do, don't make it all about yourself - don't self-flaggelate, don't bang on about how sorry you are and how terrible a thing it was for you to do, and so on. Just apologise, assure her you intend to do better next time, ask her what support she would like, and ask her how she's doing.
And then maybe you can talk to her about your own issues with your sexuality, and you can both work through it all together, having each other's back.

[The_Snark]

Call her up right now - or if it's too late or she's in class or something, send her a message and call her at the best appropriate time.

I'd suggest sending some kind of reassuring message to her if you can, like a text or something else she can read on her own terms. I know that I, at least, would be downright elated to learn that I still have someone left if I were feeling like everyone around me had rejected me.

This seems like good advice to me. If you can't stand up for your friend in public, that's... not ideal, but it's not the only thing you can do, and making sure that your friend knows you support her in private is better (for both of you) than berating yourself. If she's angry at/disappointed in you, an apology might be in order, but basically just make sure she knows she's not alone - you're scared, not unsupportive.

[Lex-Kat]

I agree with Serp completely. You really need to reach out to your friend as soon as possible. Let her know you are her friend, and apologize for not being there in her time of need. I don't think she will turn away a friendly voice, if all others have been nothing but abuse. Best of luck.

[golentan]

Also, it's not too late to stand up for her. Speak up on her behalf to the people who were cruel to her. Because, frankly, it's time to stop hiding and start standing up for what's right and for people who are vulnerable.

[Serpentine]

Random thought: the webcomic SMBC mixes up its panels so that some "couples" depicted are different sex, others are same sex, and some others the art style makes it unclear what some figures sex is meant to be. The creator, in other words, makes a point of including gay/bi people in his comic.
Let's say he'd also like to include transsexual or nonbinary people. His comics are all one-off jokes, so there's no long-running character development, and little information not essential to the punchline. Is there any reasonably easily understood, non-offensive visual cue that would allow him to expand the representativeness of his comics to include trans people?
I'd be interested to expand this to media in general, as well, to discuss ways trans people can be casually introduced to media to increase representation without it being a key plot/character point or a big deal. I imagine for live-action stuff having more trans actors would be a big step, but then you have a Catch-22 situation of there being not many trans actors and so what few trans characters there are often being played by cis people and then getting heavily criticised for them not being played by a trans actor so discouraging the inclusion of trans characters which reduces the opportunities for trans actors so there's not many trans actors so... But that doesn't really help my original example of something like SMBC anyway.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Zurvan: I know its scary when faced with the idea that you might be outed before you're ready to come out, but there are plenty of ways to stand up for you friend without outing yourself. There are, after all, plenty of allies who are heterocisnormative and who know well enough not to let such things pass
It's hard, but sometimes being a good friend is putting that self-preservation aside because, in the end, I don't think you'll be keeping those friends that said such horrible things to her today - and you'll need eachother and you'll need to stand in solidarity with eachother.

[Icewraith]

Yeah so I'm very angry with myself today because my trans friend decided to come out to our friends and they had terrible reactions and I could not support her because I was afraid they would find out about my own sexuality.

So I stood there. Doing nothing while they said all those horrible things to her.

So right now she don't want to talk to me since she is very sad and disappointed. My other best friend well now ex-best friend is a homophobic jerk and my other friend is a 22 years guy who is depressed and suicidal(And thinks he is too old!!!). I never felt so alone. I never felt so bad not gfor doing soemthing qwrong... But by doing nothing and slowly losing all people that I care.

The cost of not acting is often higher than the cost of acting. Now that you know, the best you can probably do is try and patch things up with your trans friend and not freeze up when this kind of thing comes up again.

If people are saying hurtful things, you can always use a line like "I don't care what's up with her, you shouldn't be saying that kind of thing about anyone."

If you get a "what are you, gay or something?" if you don't give it away with your facial expression you can respond with something like:

"Standing up for (person X) doesn't mean I'm gay, it means I'm still person X's friend."

[noparlpf]

Random thought: the webcomic SMBC mixes up its panels so that some "couples" depicted are different sex, others are same sex, and some others the art style makes it unclear what some figures sex is meant to be. The creator, in other words, makes a point of including gay/bi people in his comic.
Let's say he'd also like to include transsexual or nonbinary people. His comics are all one-off jokes, so there's no long-running character development, and little information not essential to the punchline. Is there any reasonably easily understood, non-offensive visual cue that would allow him to expand the representativeness of his comics to include trans people?
I'd be interested to expand this to media in general, as well, to discuss ways trans people can be casually introduced to media to increase representation without it being a key plot/character point or a big deal. I imagine for live-action stuff having more trans actors would be a big step, but then you have a Catch-22 situation of there being not many trans actors and so what few trans characters there are often being played by cis people and then getting heavily criticised for them not being played by a trans actor so discouraging the inclusion of trans characters which reduces the opportunities for trans actors so there's not many trans actors so... But that doesn't really help my original example of something like SMBC anyway.

Hmm. It'd be hard to do it in a non-stereotypical way. Maybe something small like a trans flag wristband (like some people wear rainbow wristbands)? Dunno. It's possible for a character to come out casually, but probably not well in the format of SMBC. (I'm also still worried where Questionable Content is going considering how easily the coming out scene went.)

[Serpentine]

The Australian program Four Corners is going to have an episode about a trans girl next week. You should be able to watch it on iView if you want to.

[Lentrax]

So, I am seriously doubting my identity lately. And have wondered about even being around at all.
It doesn't help that I am so stressed out, and not sleeping well, and I just don't know about myself anymore.

[Grytorm]

That is really to bad Lentrax. Just the self doubt can be so frustrating. When you have no real way of figuring things out today and until you do you can't stop thinking about it. And lack of sleep is really annoying to. Hope things calm down a bit for you.

[golentan]

So, I am seriously doubting my identity lately. And have wondered about even being around at all.
It doesn't help that I am so stressed out, and not sleeping well, and I just don't know about myself anymore.

If you need a sympathetic ear... I like having you around.

[Grytorm]

That is a good idea. If you want me to I can talk to you to Lentrax. I might not have much experience helping people but I can listen. I would like to get better at that.

[Miriel]

So, I am seriously doubting my identity lately. And have wondered about even being around at all.
It doesn't help that I am so stressed out, and not sleeping well, and I just don't know about myself anymore.

I'm here if you need someone.

Otherwise, *hug*

[Astrella]

*offers hugs to Lentrax*

-----

I have so much guilt regarding being trans; I'm getting gendered female more often but it just makes me feel guilty cause I'm still dysphoric and still dislike stuff about my body. I feel guilty cause I'm depressed and isn't HRT supposed to make you feel good? Makes me feel like I'm not trans really.

[Lentrax]

That is really to bad Lentrax. Just the self doubt can be so frustrating. When you have no real way of figuring things out today and until you do you can't stop thinking about it. And lack of sleep is really annoying to. Hope things calm down a bit for you.

If you need a sympathetic ear... I like having you around.

That is a good idea. If you want me to I can talk to you to Lentrax. I might not have much experience helping people but I can listen. I would like to get better at that.

I'm here if you need someone.

Otherwise, *hug*

*offers hugs to Lentrax*

-----

I have so much guilt regarding being trans; I'm getting gendered female more often but it just makes me feel guilty cause I'm still dysphoric and still dislike stuff about my body. I feel guilty cause I'm depressed and isn't HRT supposed to make you feel good? Makes me feel like I'm not trans really.

Thanks everyone. I just don't know what I am doing anymore. I'm just lost right now. I'll probably be back to myself soon, but it just overwhelms me sometimes.

[Reality Glitch]

If its any help, I'd suggest inner reflection: think long and hard about what things enjoy or enjoy doing or that you believe defines you and make it your life goal to pursue one or more of those.

[Grytorm]

Sigh. Frustrating trying to hide my emotions from my family. If I feel awful I feel that I must hide that from them. I try to keep a neutral expression as I keep mentally gagging at my own reflection. Or when I feel good about myself, like I am enjoying the sensation of fresh shaved legs, and I feel that I must stop smiling or they will ask why. Frustrating.

[golentan]

Sigh. Frustrating trying to hide my emotions from my family. If I feel awful I feel that I must hide that from them. I try to keep a neutral expression as I keep mentally gagging at my own reflection. Or when I feel good about myself, like I am enjoying the sensation of fresh shaved legs, and I feel that I must stop smiling or they will ask why. Frustrating.

Why not come out to them?

[Grytorm]

Just because of a lack of confidence and because it is really scary. I know it is probably the best thing to do but it is hard to work up the nerve. Would make a lot of things simpler and get things moving.

[golentan]

Just because of a lack of confidence and because it is really scary. I know it is probably the best thing to do but it is hard to work up the nerve. Would make a lot of things simpler and get things moving.

There's a wise old cat saying that is applicable here... But you don't want to hear it right now.

What would help you work up the nerve? Bring in an ally, perhaps? Say you have something important to discuss but ask for time without being pushed while you work out how to say it? Memories of past triumphs? Write it as a note?

Remember, bravery is not the opposite of cowardice, but the overcoming of it.