Serious Plots 5: No lulz.

[Recaiden]

[Oryza Biological Products]

"What is the distinction in principle between the creatures of different dimensionality?"

Tavlii nervously leads them to a table/bar/blanket/other eating area and begins too quickly trying her dishes. It's been a while since she's bothered to eat something and pay attention to its taste.
...

[Fenric]

[Oryza Biological Products]

Inari blinks, then chuckles

The distinction is between "possible, but something I choose to not do", and "impossible for all practical purposes".

But even should we find a way for chickens to be easily raised here, I would still choose to not raise, kill, and eat them. It is unnecessary and therefore cruel and pointless.

[Recaiden]

[Oryza Biological Products]

A cunning side-step of the question.
Tavlii nods and smiles, burying their increasing dislike for Inari. She's the boss here, and too powerful to confront anyway.

"So this compound is...not distant, necessarily, but taking some effort to access from other locations? Or just so large that the cafeteria makes sense?"

[Rebonack]

[Somewhere Awful - Will]

"That's what I said," Paranoia replies. "Precipice. I heard the doctors talking about you."

And it was also very nice of Will to move into the bathroom so as not to aggravate Paranoia's... well... paranoia. He's very protective of his cans after all. Placing items into the PANDIMENSIONAL TOTEBAG proves to be an... interesting exercise. The bag contains four non-dimensional slots of arbitrary size, but it can only hold a single type of thing in each slot. That might be kind of tricky... And weird.

After none too long Paranoia finishes his shower and climbs out, giving himself a good shake to remove most of the water.

"Oh yeah, that was really the best. I feel so much better now!"

Before the creature's fur was kind of matted and gross. Now he's all clean and shiny! Too bad there aren't any towels in here. What kind of bathroom doesn't have towels?

"I really meant what I said about helping you out, honest. Whatever you need help with, just so long as it doesn't involve taking my cans."

See?

Those cans are important.

What does Will do?

[Fenric]

[Oryza Biological Products]

After Caravan and Tavlii finish their lunch, Inari leads the way back to the conference room

There are enough people working here that it is far more convenient for them to have a place they can come - it is a convenience for my employees to have a pleasant and well-stocked place they can come to. Otherwise, while it is a respectable distance to the city certainly people can and do take their meals elsewhere.

And back to the conference room where they began. There are two more people here now: one is decidedly human looking, without so much as a hint of distortion in the air around him. Black hair, dark eyes, and general oriental features somewhat difficult to pin down precisely.

The other is decidedly NOT human... it looks sort of like a deer: slender and graceful. The perception filters cry at the spatiality and spin changes that are native to it, making it gently eye-watering to look at for too long.

[Deathkeeper]

Somewhere Awful

Next pen Will sees is going to be used profusely as he writes his name on everything he owns. Although if these things seriously don't actually hear what he says it would make a lot of things make more sense.

"Well, I honestly have been pretty lost in the place. Do you know the layout at all? Ooh, and do you have a cup or a funnel or something? I was going to take a scoop from the blood-shower for this snack machine I found but all I have is this big bowl that would be pretty awful for pouring.
Oh, and I'm sorry, I never asked. Was there something you liked to be called?"

[Rebonack]

[Somewhere Awful - Will]

Writing his name all over everything might be a decent idea! Though, given how awful this Hospital is something might just come in after him and clean it all up.

Paranoia fidgets a bit. "Well... Sort of. I know about a few of the rooms near mine, but the layout might have changed since then."

The layout of the Hospital changes?

...of course it does.

"I got stuck in my room because I used to try escaping the Hospital, which is crazy of course. There's Nothing outside the Hospital. Now if the nurses catch me in one of the nurses' stations they'll kill me," the creature explains. "And I'm Paranoia. The other head is also me. He doesn't really talk, just whispers things to me that he overhears."

Actually the other head just makes things up whole-cloth or twists the truth. But Paranoia doesn't know that.

At the mention of the vending machine he glances over at the blood-spurting shower. "Oh... That won't work. The blood in the shower is denatured since it's boiling. The vending machines only take fresh or frozen blood. I do have a few empty blood transfusion bags that I've collected, though. Do you want one?

What does Will do?"

[Deathkeeper]

Something Awful- Will

Will frowns.
"Oh. Sure. I'm not sure if I should really bother with my own for now. I'm just going to feel light-headed from losing blood, so food isn't going to actually help. But the bag might be useful. I'll take it." he says, completely ignoring the idea that there's nothing outside of it.
If that's true, he has nothing to lose, so there's really no harm in trying.

[Lost_Deep]

[Somewhere Awful - Nepira]

"Bye friend!" Kevin yells as Nepira departs. "If I get some nachos later I'll let you know, okay?"

When Nepira returns to the hallway she'll discover that the dermoid cyst has inverted itself, now looking like a disgusting mass of hair and teeth and a long, dangling, hair-like tongue hanging out of its mouth. The bundle of greasy black hair is swiftly whipping back and forth in a rather rhythmic fashion.

What does she do?

[Somewhere Awful - Napira]

Napira does warm-up stretches. This isn't anything she cant handle. Watch for patterns, spot where the most dangerous parts are. As she warms up, momentary tiger-like stripes appear on her arms and legs. From there? It's pure parkour, and Napira has a good bit of experience with that. Roll, cartwheel, flip, lunge, wall run, whatever is needed. Given the chance to warm up, she's a good bit faster than even other athletes.

[Rebonack]

[Somewhere Awful - Will]

Paranoia gives a little nod and suddenly he's holding his own tote bag. Said bag just kind of... starts existing. Suddenly. For no reason. He rummages around inside and pulls out a bag to give to Will. "If the doctors know you're trying to escape the nurses will kill you on sight if they run into you outside of your room," he says. "That'll get the doctors to bump up your surgeries and get rid of your parasitic organs faster. Once they're all gone you'll feel a lot better. I know I did!"

Of course, that's also when his second head started whispering to him.

But it provides him with so much useful information!

"You should just give up on trying to escape. Once you convince the doctors that you're not going to do anything crazy they'll let you explore the hospital. I'm still trying to get them to trust me after all the stuff I did while I was delusional."

What does Will do?

[Somewhere Awful - Napira]

Just look at those moves!

She goes tumbling past the swaying hair-tendrils and tries the door-!

Only to discover that it's locked.

How the hell does someone lock a sliding paper and bamboo door? Should she try smashing through the thing she'll discover that it's just a facade for a steel door below. Ouch...

What does she do?

[Recaiden]

[Oryza Biological Products]

Now, Tavlii, be polite. Do not scorn or pity these people just because they work here.
She takes a seat in the conference room, not waiting for anything, leaning forward in the seat with evident interest.

"Hello. If you have not already been told about us, I am Atorre Tavlii."
Glance to Caravan for her introduction.
"And if you have, pleased to meet you."

[Deathkeeper]

Somewhere Awful

Will gives Paranoia a sad smile.
"Sorry, but I have to try. If there's nothing else out there, then I have nothing to lose. And of course there's something else out there. I was there yesterday. After all, how could I have acquired so many 'parasites' if I was here at a hospital the whole time? But thanks, Paranoia. It's nice to have a friend."

Well, he really isn't that close, but it really is nice to know someone who's a bit more harmlessly crazy. And he was helpful.

[Lost_Deep]

Oryza Biological Products

Caravan does not comment on the meat discussion (Inari is vegetarian, or maybe vegan, and therefore not going to unneeded steps to procure meat, Caravan guesses,) and when she gets back to the briefing room... she lets Inari introduce these new people first. It's polite.

No comment on what Tavlii does.

[Fenric]

[Oryza Biological Products]

The man smiles and holds out his hand

Liu Fang, Director of Genetic Development.

Oh. He is a human. Or was. Or whatever.

Inari chuckles at Tavlii's impatience

Very good. Guilded Caravan, this is Kylee, Director of Information Services. Kylee, this is Guilded Caravan, our new sourcing agent. I need you two to work together to get our systems back up to working levels.

Kylee laughs musically

It is about time, my lady: you've been putting this upgrade off for far too long.

Inari sighs

Yes, yes: you told me so. I am sorry, and I will give your department more attention from now on.

[Recaiden]

[Oryza Biological Products]

No one should ever wait needlessly. And politeness is not a need.
Tavlii takes Liu Fang's hand and shakes it. Nods once.
"How many levels above me is your position?"

[Lost_Deep]

Oryza Biological Products

"Yes! I am Gilded Caravan, Transrealital Trade Magnate!" She poses with a flare of her mane and tail she then offers Kylee a hoofshake. "I'm not a big computer person, I want that on the table right off, but I pride myself in being able to get people what they want. So, Miss Kylee, what do you want?"

Somewhere Awful - Napira

Napira tries to break open the door! She then says some words not repeatable in polite company.

Okay. That hair beast thing has to go. Not sure how, but somehow. Is there someway to make a firebomb? Napira knows enough about aerosol to know that the fogger might be used as a flamethrower, if she can find a scource of flame. Hmm... wood. She needs wood. Were the clown paintings wooden?

[Ionbound]

[Somewhere Awful - Tanya]

Tanya frowns and says, "If you think that, it's your business." If there's another door in the room, she walks towards that. Otherwise, she turns and leaves the way she came.

[Fenric]

[Oryza Biological Products]

Liu grins

I'll be your new boss, Tavlii. We've got a VP and an Exec VP between us and Inari over there. Now normally I'd go over the options for your subordinate managers, but you already have your own organizations so we aren't going to be interfering.

----

Kylee shakes Caravan's solid hoof with her dainty split one, and she grins broadly

Inari loves to talk and talk, but I've already been working on this: I'll send you a prioritized master requisition list and a part equivalency matrix so you can haggle among the vendors. I've noted the dependencies on the list so you can manage the timing, and I'll send it to your tablet so you can get right going!

[Lost_Deep]

Oryza Biological Products

Caravan will get her tablet out and check. "What definition of equivalency matrix are you using? That's one of those terms that is oddly common and varies greatly." She suspects that it isn't a device that turns matter into energy, or matter into other, similar matter.

[Fenric]

[Oryza Biological Products]

Inari nods

I will leave you to it, then. Message me when you have finished.

And she walks out.

Kylee opens the spreadsheet on her own tablet

It gives manufacture and part numbers for equivalent products. Different items as you go down, equivalent items as you go across.

She highlights a random row

So here, under multiplexed fabric load balancers: an Alliance XVS-4455 is equivalent to an Elysiumtech 9948-J is equivalent to a FarPointe Cavalier 9ni or 10ni. Sometimes you'll see a red entry with a cell note - those are things to avoid.

Other times... like here, the MentalFabric 98xx system monitor: I don't care which of the 9800 series you get - 9820, 9830, 9840... whichever works out best.

I don't really care which - this way you have scope to haggle without having to come back and ask me for every little thing.

[Lost_Deep]

Oryza Biological Products

Caravan nods "Will you be doing installation yourself, or will I have to find someone to do it? Also, could you mark ideal items as well? My organization is extensive enough that finding ideals isn't so difficult. If you've included a series of effective requirements, I might be able to find some more fitting items to add onto this chart."

[Recaiden]

[Oryza Biological Products]

Tavlii wonders if that organization of titles makes sense only to 6th dimensional beings, only to bureaucrats, or not even that much. It certainly doesn't make sense to her.

So she just smiles back.
"Sounds good to me. What do I most need to know, then?"

[Wizards' Field]

Cleosepha bows deferentially.
"Right you are, Jerlynfran."
Looks right back up.
"I have to notice I'm the only one without a new name. Titles only for the senior members, is it?"

And a smile spreads over her face as they go over the tower.
"It works through song, and it focuses on plants. Save the lights, leave the interior to me."

She moves through the golden light, getting things ready. This will be quite a work, after all. Hum a song to her pendant, calling up appropriate seeds, acorns, and cones. Sing a song of summoning, to conjure up a harp; this will be more than even two voices are good for, she thinks. Then, once they have the perfect location, she can get to work, setting the seeds and filling them with carefully measured tunes of life, causing them to grown down and form a bed for the foundation that sets deep into the earth, and grow up, sculpting the trees as they grow into stairs, floors, rooms and shapes.

[FireFox]

Vinose Woods

Ashley is too busy focusing on not being caught and sent to prison again to notice that Ally isn't following them. While she's sprinting away from two of the bandits, she digs through her pouch for something, anything that'll help her.

Carrie sprints alongside Ashley, weighing the options of using her powers. She could maybe slow down one, but that'd do little good...

[Vinose Woods]

It's going to be hard to go to ground and hide in the woods without even knowing a lick of fieldcraft. But if Ally manages to get out of sight of the bandits, she'll manage all right. Yup, safe and sound, all alone... in a foreign world... without knowing anything about where she is... Well, ****.

[Rebonack]

[Somewhere Awful - Will]

Harmlessly crazy IS less terrible that 'trying to eat your face' crazy. Or at the very least it results in less face eating.

"I hope you get better, soon," Paranoia says before heading back into his room, leaving Will alone.

Or...

Not alone.

That giant liver is still sitting in the freezing stall frozen in a block of ice. That hasn't changed at all.

What does Will do?

[Somewhere Awful - Tanya]

And thus Tanya walks back into the gross hallway. Sharps makes a plaintive noise, holds his breath, and follows after her. The gross sphincter door closes behind them. Now all that's left is the acid-smelling hallway...

What does Tanya do?

[Somewhere Awful - Napira]

The frames for the clown paintings were made of wood, yes. They could potentially be set on fire. Especially if they get doused in highly flamable infectant desanitizer first!

What does Napira do?

[Deathkeeper]

Somewhere Awful- Will

Will sighs and goes to see if the door in the stall is still there, and if he can still get through. Might as well start back at that crossroads.

[Ionbound]

[Somewhere Awful - Tanya]

Well...Nothing for it. She hefts her spear and cautiously makes her way down the tunnel to the south, watching out for any traps or other hazards.

[Rebonack]

[Somewhere Awful - Tanya]

After a few twists and turns Tanya arrives at another gross sphincter door, though instead of a gross button this one has a gross key-hole for shoving a key into. ...at least I hope that's a key hole. There are several other holes around the door, though they look like they were gnawed in rather than something that's supposed to be there.

What does Tanya do?

[Somewhere Awful - Will]

The doorway in the handicapped stall is still there and still a medical curtain rather than an actual door. Why? Because Will took the door with him of course! The nurses' station slash waiting room beyond seems to be empty this time around. There aren't any monsters sitting in the chairs and the nurse doesn't appear to be here either.

...if you can even call a golem made of plastic bags and used needles a nurse...

By all accounts the way forward is open!

What does Will do?

[Deathkeeper]

Somewhere Awful- Will

Will goes over to the station and checks to see if the terminal still works there. He isn't expecting it to, but he might as well try, although he'll dash back out if he hears the slightest bit of noise. He doesn't want to get caught in the station.

[Ionbound]

[Somewhere Awful - Tanya]

Tanya looks at the door and then looks at Sharps as she says, "So...Ideas on finding a key?" She looks around the ground nearby, looking for a key of some sort.

[Rebonack]

[Somewhere Awful - Will]

Will sneaks over behind the counter and discovers that the computer back there is still on. Unlike the public access ones, this appears to be an actual computer. It has been left on a program showing a map of the whole hospital. Mousing over a room shows who is staying there, their species, what they're sick with, and what treatments they're being given. There are several doors leading outside, but all of them appear to be marked 'to the unspeakable gulf.'

Except one door.

A door at the northern side of the hospital still some distance away from where Will is now.

That door is marked 'to the Hedge'.

He should be able to get there if he keeps traveling north with a slight eastern lean to his path.

As Will fiddles with the computer he may notice an odd yellow glow being reflected in the screen moments before he feels the sensation of ten thousand needles being driven into him all over his body. Shortly there after he dies.

He'll wake up again back in his room, feeling even fuzzier than he did previously, both in mind and in body. His memories from beyond the hospital are even more muddled and what was once a phantom coat of fur is now very real. The tail, the ears, the paws, the wings, everything. It still looks ghostly and transparent, though. Will can easy see his own hands inside of the fuzzy paws that have enveloped them. Perhaps most unsettling is the fact that having new limbs and fluff doesn't feel the least bit unsettling. It feels...

Normal. As if that's how he's supposed to be.

"Wonderful, you're awake!" comes the voice of Doctor Ebola. "How's my favorite phobia feeling? I've been told you were quite naughty."

What does Will do?

[Somewhere Awful - Tanya]

There doesn't appear to be a key anywhere nearby, at least none that's visible. "I haven't ever really run into keys before. None of my doors were locked, they were all just hidden," Sharps replies. "But hidden things are almost always clown-related, somehow. And there aren't any clowns in here that I've seen."

Can you imagine that?

Clown faces on the wriggling villi.

Wouldn't that be terrible?

What does Tanya do?