Most interesting thing said in a D&D Session

[SVentura77]

"I pick up one half of the innkeeper's body and use it to bash the guard's skull in."

"I just want the face. Can I cut off just the face?"

~S~

[incarnate236]

Infiltrating a Drow Encampment:

"What If I cut off his face and wear it as a mask? Do I get a bonus on my disguise check?"

(shakes head)

"Yes a +2."

Closing a Planar Gate:

"The two angels notice you are trying to affect the gate and start flying towards you."

"I **** myself."

[Nibbens]

Some backdrop: I play a halfling barbarian in 5E who has a hat. This hat has a pair of antlers as tall as he is, so instead of 3 and 1/2 feet tall, he's 7 feet when you take into account the height of the hat. The hat has become sort of the party flag, so when my character got captured and brought before the BBEG and interrogated... they took the hat.

All attempts to bluff my way out the situation abruptly ended as I gave the dwarf who took the hat the dirtiest stare ever.

Eventually I made my way out of the dungeon they kept me in, and instead of escaping the enemy encampment I went searching for the hat... openly and without trying to conceal my movement.

I found the hat on top of a table, with the dwarf who took it and a human playing cards together at said table. What transpired was funny at the time (not sure how it's going to come across on this platform)

DM: You see your hat on the table with two people sitting at it.

Me: I calmly approach the table.

DM: The dwarf recognizes you and stares, wide eyed and in shock.

Me: I keep his gaze as I pull out a dagger, then I reach for the hat on the table and put it on.

DM: Okay.

Me: I then proceed to murder him broad daylight.

All in all, the game went well and one player pulled out his cell phone and started streaming the song "Murder Train" by the Foreskins.

And that's how my character got his theme song.

[zeifly]

DM: You see your hat on the table with two people sitting at it.

Me: I calmly approach the table.

DM: The dwarf recognizes you and stares, wide eyed and in shock.

Me: I keep his gaze as I pull out a dagger, then I reach for the hat on the table and put it on.

DM: Okay.

Me: I then proceed to murder him broad daylight.

All in all, the game went well and one player pulled out his cell phone and started streaming the song "Murder Train" by the Foreskins.

And that's how my character got his theme song.

xD I laughed so hard at this! absolutely brilliant. You get bonus experience for good roleplaying!

[weckar]

[We have a houserule that someone who comes back from unconcious is still considered helpless until they can do an action. This happened as a minor villain who seriously dragged my character over the line was partially recovering from a Color Spray.]

DM: "Okay, he is opening his eyes and looks at you in utter fear."
Me: "Opened his eyes, you said? Guess where I'm landing this next Coup de Grace?"

[thethird]

As a tax payer of this city I demand death by catapult. Now pull that lever!

*After confused NPC catapults my PC*

Feather fall. Joke is on them, never payed taxes anyway.

[Novawurmson]

"...and as our fee for negotiating this treaty, we're taking your peacock. It's...a feecock!"

"I still get my sneak attack while polymorphed into a bunny, right?"

[Ferronach]

I was helping a buddy out by "playing" some of his NPCs for him while the aprty were in a town.
Two of the NPCs were teenaged boys that survived by stealing from adventurers.
They say the Party Paladin, one distracted her while the other stole her gold.

When she noticed (chick playing a female elf that all agreed was extremely attractive and charismatic who wore very form fitting armour), she chased after the boys and cornered them.
this is what she said "I do a quick search check to see if there are any bulges in their pants"
Needless to say, every nearly died of laughter.


In a different group my warforged (dm ruled to be excessively heavy, 800lbs heavy) was introduced to the party shortly prior to the incident as a statue in an ancient abandoned church (my warforged travelled through time in a portal accident to a time/place where no-one knows what a wf is). We were hoplessly outnumbered by undead and cornered in the main chapel fo the curch. One of the players noticed that the floor sounded hollow when I walked around.
Player: "I shout to the statue and say 'Hey! temple guardian' and then do this" Rather than standing up an mimicing a jumping action, "this" turned ot to be a seated air humping motion....

[Yael]

"I rolled a natural 20, oh, another natural 20, oh! Another natural 20! Per the rule, a three natural 20 in a row equals to instakill, so I feel very sorry for Mr. Ruby Rod, there."

[LoyalPaladin]

My party is currently playing a 3.5 version Baldur's Gate and some of us were tasked with robbing a corrupt dwarf tax collector. The people tasked happened to be our CN Fire Genasi Fighter and our TN Yuan-Ti Pureblood Warlock. The Genasi was the "distraction" and the Yuan-Ti was the burglar. Here is how it went down. I'll split this into two parts.

Spoiler: Genasi

Show

Genasi "I look around shiftily, while in line of sight with the city guard."

DM "Okay... they notice you and begin to walk over to you."

Genasi "I run down a dark alley as soon as I see them!"

DM "They chase you and start yelling for you to halt."

Genasi "I ignore them until we are 3 blocks away and then drop to the ground doing pushups"

DM "The guards approach you and ask what you are doing."

Genasi "I am a fighter and I have to stay in top physical condition!"

DM "They tell you not to roam the streets at night and work out during the day from now on."

Spoiler: Yuan-Ti

Show

While the Genasi made the distraction, our Yuan-Ti became a snake (forcing him to ditch his clothes) and broke into the dwarf's home. He stole the chest and booked it out the front door (naked). Now here is where it gets tricky, the dwarf saw him and called the guard. So while trying to redress himself in an alley, he was accosted by the guards who were looking for a naked man with a chest. Here is how it went.

DM "The guards want to take you into custody because you fit the profile of a naked man with a chest."

Yuan-Ti "That's not me! A man just mugged me and tried to take my clothes from me! He ran that way!"

He then proceeded to roll a nat-20 on his bluff role and pulled off the smoothest, weirdest heist in our group's history of D&D.

[Venger]

"I rolled a natural 20, oh, another natural 20, oh! Another natural 20! Per the rule, a three natural 20 in a row equals to instakill, so I feel very sorry for Mr. Ruby Rod, there."

Oh hell no!

[(Un)Inspired]

Oh hell no!

I had a fellow pc in a game I played in run a bard. Over the course of several sessions it became very apparent that the player had built Ruby Rhod. The apex of his character's Rhodness was spending an entire combat screaming in the middle of a melee instead of fighting. It was like an 8 round combat!

I know I should have hated the character as much as I hated Chris Tucker's annoying DJ in the Fifth Element but I could help but laugh every time the group got together. I'm still smiling and shaking my head just thinking about it.

Why the hell did he want to roleplay a character like that?

[ArqArturo]

After a player was Balefully polymorphed into a baby seal, and failed all the saving throws he could get, the ranged picked it up and hugged it.

"I will love you, and cuddle you, and feed you and call you George".

[Lightlawbliss]

Party had just killed a large dragon in the middle of a now destroyed town.
the party Factotum (really low cha): "I crawl inside the dragon using the wound from the killing blow, pull out my barrel, and start gathering the blood and skinning the dragon from the inside. The party will handle the entire town better without me."

[ArqArturo]

In my first PF game, I wanted to implement the called shot rules; they looked simple, clean and concise in my opinion, but one of my players didn't. He played a ragechemist/barbarian and, during a fight with some mercenaries he dismounted one of the mercs and grabbed the horse.

"I throw the horse to the mercenary lord"

"Ok, throw the dice to..."

"I do a Called Shot with it. To the eye".

Next session, called shots were no longer allowed.

[supersonic29]

"The party will handle the entire town better without me."

Dang, that sounds so depressing, maybe I just love being the silvertounge face of the party though I dunno.

[Lightlawbliss]

Dang, that sounds so depressing, maybe I just love being the silvertounge face of the party though I dunno.

In his defense, he had 6 cha after the +2 item, had used hide and move silently for his social interactions, and the party (ignoring the CN crusader who didn't care) didn't want to kill the entire town.

[Venger]

I had a fellow pc in a game I played in run a bard. Over the course of several sessions it became very apparent that the player had built Ruby Rhod. The apex of his character's Rhodness was spending an entire combat screaming in the middle of a melee instead of fighting. It was like an 8 round combat!

I know I should have hated the character as much as I hated Chris Tucker's annoying DJ in the Fifth Element but I could help but laugh every time the group got together. I'm still smiling and shaking my head just thinking about it.

Why the hell did he want to roleplay a character like that?

that's pretty hilarious. probably novelty? who can tell with stuff like this.

[SiuiS]

Can we please stop discussing the many nuances of magical abortion?

[ArqArturo]

Can we please stop discussing the many nuances of magical abortion?

I leave this thread for one hour and this happens?

[Red Rubber Band]

Can we please stop discussing the many nuances of magical abortion?

Are you using Internet Explorer? Badum-tsch



"So while you guys are failing horribly against the second in command, your summoned squid has stopped the BBEG for the last three turns by face sucking him."

Squidley went on to become the MVP and gained a permanent place in the Material Plane.

[SiuiS]

There's no party like an iron heart surge party.

Please don't continue in poor taste because of a request to stop.

Are you using Internet Explorer? Badum-tsch

No. Why is that relevant to asking people to adhere to the forum rules?

[Red Rubber Band]

No. Why is that relevant to asking people to adhere to the forum rules?

It wasn't.

[Gnome Alone]

It wasn't.

Yeah, so, why'd you ask that, then? I didn't get that either.

[Red Rubber Band]

Yeah, so, why'd you ask that, then? I didn't get that either.

Because of the time and post difference between the magical abortion conversation and the request to stop it.

I hope this doesn't turn into a thing. It'll be the second lame joke in two days that has gone south.

[SiuiS]

Because of the time and post difference between the magical abortion conversation and the request to stop it.

I hope this doesn't turn into a thing. It'll be the second lame joke in two days that has gone south.

Forums are time magic. Whatever you say a week ago with days or hours in between is one conversation to me, and seeing it happen again, and again, and the fact that Venger took a pot shot afterwards, clearly indicate a request was necessary.

[Red Rubber Band]

Forums are time magic. Whatever you say a week ago with days or hours in between is one conversation to me, and seeing it happen again, and again, and the fact that Venger took a pot shot afterwards, clearly indicate a request was necessary.

Well. Looks like it's a thing now.

2 minor quibbles. Using Venger's quote which was posted in response to yours actually doesn't reinforce your point. And forums aren't really time magic as threads do expire. <- Please take note of the emoticon thingy. It's there for a reason.

I wonder if this would have turned out differently had I used blue text?

[Venger]

Forums are time magic. Whatever you say a week ago with days or hours in between is one conversation to me, and seeing it happen again, and again, and the fact that Venger took a pot shot afterwards, clearly indicate a request was necessary.

Yeah, I think that's what's going on here

Because of the time and post difference between the magical abortion conversation and the request to stop it.

I hope this doesn't turn into a thing. It'll be the second lame joke in two days that has gone south.

This is basically the case. Since no one had mentioned anything about the subject in a couple of days, I thought that your statement was a quote from your table and you were playing the game, since the posts in this thread are strange statements out of context, so I posted in response not to "take a potshot" at you, but to build on what I thought was a comment of yours. After you made it clear it bothered you, I went back and deleted my post. I did not understand that you were actually commenting about the content of the thread itself.

Well. Looks like it's a thing now.

2 minor quibbles. Using Venger's quote which was posted in response to yours actually doesn't reinforce your point. And forums aren't really time magic as threads do expire. <- Please take note of the emoticon thingy. It's there for a reason.

I wonder if this would have turned out differently had I used blue text?

Blue text is your friend.

[SiuiS]

Well. Looks like it's a thing now.

Not so. If I'm referring to a message board as arcane witchery then I'm clearly moving to a lighter tone.

And forums aren't really time magic as threads do expire.

That's true.

I wonder if this would have turned out differently had I used blue text?

Nah, woulda been worse. Sarcasm is specifically used to mock or convey contempt. Would have had the opposite effect you intended.

This is basically the case. Since no one had mentioned anything about the subject in a couple of days, I thought that your statement was a quote from your table and you were playing the game, since the posts in this thread are strange statements out of context, so I posted in response not to "take a potshot" at you, but to build on what I thought was a comment of yours. After you made it clear it bothered you, I went back and deleted my post. I did not understand that you were actually commenting about the content of the thread itself.

That's fair. I had not noticed any deletion, but then I haven't gone looking. Sorry then; I presumed my being so blasé about it would convey that it was in the past, and would be acknowledged but not held on to. Tone in writing, however. Well, we all know that one.

[atemu1234]

"You got your sci-fi peanut butter in my fantasy chocolate!"

To a player who was angry about me backporting Androids from PF: Inner Sea Bestiary. And homebrewed timelords.

...and cyberman daleks...