First Contact between D&D and Earth: a thought experiment

[DeltaEmil]

What about armies (as in over a million humans 1st level warroir or better) with guns, tanks, fleets of warships, aircraft, the need to rest for spells, ICBMs, nukes, carpet bombing, little kids on an epic quest to defeat a great evil, the power of love, taxes, the DMV, food posioning, falling down stairs (your a wizard.....), the wrath of people angry that the internet is dead (so no porn, MMOs or facebook), meeting the inside of a jet engine the fast way while using a Fly spell or not looking both ways before you cross the street?

There's a spell for each of those things. Generally, all those wizards are probably astrally projecting ethereal ghost-form wizard, or something like that. While in an indestructible mind-switched aleax ice assassin wearing pants made of mind-raped aleax ice assassin gold dragons polymorphed into the threads of that pants or whatever is used nowadays for total overkill. And if somebody tries hard enough, there's probably even a way for a level 1 adept to rule Earth with that mediocre spell-list.

[Ion]

Speaking of Ultimate Moon Bases. If I wanted to turn Earth's Moon into some approximation of the Forest Moon of Endor (or British Columbia), what are my options?

Is there some something we can do with False Gravity (SpC) to make walking on the moon a little more earth link? If control water gives us the Decanter of Endless Water, maybe we could do something similar with Control Winds.. which would very slowly give us water and air... is there any way to speed that up?

Is there anything cheaper than Verdigris Tsunami to get some vegetation growing?

[Renen]

Speaking of Ultimate Moon Bases. If I wanted to turn Earth's Moon into some approximation of the Forest Moon of Endor (or British Columbia), what are my options?

Is there some something we can do with False Gravity (SpC) to make walking on the moon a little more earth link? If control water gives us the Decanter of Endless Water, maybe we could do something similar with Control Winds.. which would very slowly give us water and air... is there any way to speed that up?

Is there anything cheaper than Verdigris Tsunami to get some vegetation growing?

Nah, theres a druid cantrip (i think its cantrip, or a lvl 1 spell or something), that allows you to make seeds/saplings grow ANYWHERE.
I remember it because it was brought up in a thread we had a while back on how to re-greenify Athas.

[Ion]

Nah, theres a druid cantrip (i think its cantrip, or a lvl 1 spell or something), that allows you to make seeds/saplings grow ANYWHERE.
I remember it because it was brought up in a thread we had a while back on how to re-greenify Athas.

I think I found it! A great place to start. Thanks!

[Admiral Squish]

Well, anything I could possibly do in such a situations would almost inevitably create massive societal upheaval. But, if we assume that it's impossible for we to hold/destroy the portal forever... There's really only one vaguely equitable way of handling things. It's all gotta go public.
So, my first step once I finish establishing a line of defense around the moon portal is to find a partner from this world. I would suspect I'd have to find somebody reasonably young, somebody who I could brain-scan to make sure they would handle the knowledge bomb responsibly. I then take them to my private timey-wimey demiplane, teach them magic while they teach me about technology. When we've both reached a certain level of proficiency, we prepare release plans. Then I send him through the portal to my plane with the technology needed to uplift the civilization, while I remain behind on the new world.

We both go public. He releases all the big technological advances as quickly as possible. Printing press. Scientific Method. Sanitation. Steam power. Electricity. Microscopes. Medicines. All the big scientific developments, all printed out in mass quantities and disseminated. I release the secrets of magic into the world. Maybe it's a big ol' book, maybe it's a video series, maybe it's just beamed directly into every human brain at once. Whatever gets me maximum exposure. Then, on our relevant sides of the portal, we spend a couple dozen years steering the worlds through the transition process. Try to introduce some of the harder concepts, such as multiple sentient races, the importance of toilets, the concrete existence of the divine, space... Maybe enjoy it a little bit. Maybe trade places a couple times to check progress and keep each other honest. Then, when the time is right, reveal the portal, and brace for the inevitable conflicts. Once the cross-pollination begins, I predict lots of conflict, but the single entrance/exit point will probably limit conflict to a certain degree, and then rapid and extreme growth and advancement on both sides of the divide. Imagine the revolutions in every field that can be accomplished by hybridizing modern techniques with supernatural powers.

[Bob of Mage]

Speaking of Ultimate Moon Bases. If I wanted to turn Earth's Moon into some approximation of the Forest Moon of Endor (or British Columbia), what are my options?

Is there some something we can do with False Gravity (SpC) to make walking on the moon a little more earth link? If control water gives us the Decanter of Endless Water, maybe we could do something similar with Control Winds.. which would very slowly give us water and air... is there any way to speed that up?

Is there anything cheaper than Verdigris Tsunami to get some vegetation growing?

Your biggest issue is the mass of the moon is too small to keep air, water and heat from following away. The fastest way to fix that would be an Epic level spell of some sort. However since this whole thing is based on you NOT being god like powerful (and thus giving a rat's ass about finding a new world), we need to do this "low-tech". Also I would like to point out here that there are

First you need to rasie the Moon's mass. (Also I would like to point out here that there are
crazy effect on the Earth if you rasie the mass of the Moon too fast too close to the Earth so you are also going to have to some how move the Moon) The best way to do that is with a spell that makes an object, and spam as much mass as you can into the center of the Moon (don't want the thing loop sided). The best I can find is Wall of Iron (or a Wish if you want to risk it back fireing), so you might try making a wall of Lead or antoher high mass object. Of course there's always the risk that if you rasie the mass too much the whole thing blows up (think sun going nova).

After the Moon can keep it's air, water and heat better you can add those. This however will take a very long time so I hope you are immortal and have a way to pass the time (or are really good with wishes). The fastest way might be to open portals to the plane of water and leave them open. If you do this before you add most of the air and heat you will hopefully kill anything that happens to flow out. Otherwise this is risky, but might finsh before you die of boredom.

You're also going to have to find tons of dirt if you want your new world grow on it's own. The Earth plane will be a good source, but will require you to move all the dirt around yourself.

Air will be as easy as the last two. In fact I'd say you'd end up with quite a bit stolen when you robbed all the water and dirt.

Since you now have air you can now have weather and thus can make things warmer with magic.

Growing the tree will be rather easy as you can hire hordes of Duird to work low level magic over a massive area.

Finally you need Ewoks. To get those you need to find some wild ones or make your own. Either way you will need Epic magic or a many lifetimes of work.

Of course this will all take insane amounts of time, and magic.

[Judge_Worm]

At first I thought... an Allip of a Tarrasque, that can't be a trivial task can it? ... and then I found this.

So, I guess, when you do make that deal with Asmodeus and wind up floating down the River Oceanus and finally make it to the Sea of Thasasia, that some of the strongly good aligned nature of that plane finally seeps in and you feel at least a pang of guilt for the genocide you've committed.

Give the Tarrasque an Int boosting item, use its regeneration against it while using torture techniques that wouldn't work on something more fragile (like a great wyrm gold dragon) because it would horribly destroy it. Mind rape it to believe living life is worthless. So and so on, and then give it a means to kill itself. Bam! Tarrasque-Allip.

Also, I'll be floating down oceanus on a raft made of still living solars with a pit fiend helmsman and an erinyes feeding me the roasted thigh of an eladrin noble, so I doubt I'll pick up any sort of alignment switch, and I already buried those feelings of guilt somewhere deep in my shriveled rotting heart, or lack thereof I mean with me being undead and all.


As an aside, I might also conquer the planet the Illithids evolved on, it's supposed to be in the same crystal sphere as us (us as in the real world and/or Earth).

[Ion]

As an aside, I might also conquer the planet the Illithids evolved on, it's supposed to be in the same crystal sphere as us (us as in the real world and/or Earth).

While you are at it, why don't you take care of the Ethergaunts too. I've always felt like those guys have had it coming.

[Inevitability]

At first I thought... an Allip of a Tarrasque, that can't be a trivial task can it? ... and then I found this.

WARNING: This big enemy is approaching at full throttle. According to its data, it is identified as 'Shameless Self Promotion'. NO REFUGE.

Meet Madness.

[Sewercop]

Because there's no clear RAW on becoming a god by any method besides a grateful diety bestowing you with Divine Ranks and the fact that you can't grant cleric spells so you can't accomplish step 1 of your plan.

There are ways to gain divine ranks by raw.

[Inevitability]

There are ways to gain divine ranks by raw.

12 levels in Dragon Ascendant (Divine rank 0), becoming a proxy (Divine Rank 1), Demigod Epic Destiny (Divine rank ?)... Are there more?

[Ion]

WARNING: This big enemy is approaching at full throttle. According to its data, it is identified as 'Shameless Self Promotion'. NO REFUGE.

Meet Madness.

Madness Tarrasquekiller is amazing!

[Sewercop]

12 levels in Dragon Ascendant (Divine rank 0), becoming a proxy (Divine Rank 1), Demigod Epic Destiny (Divine rank ?)... Are there more?

Not really as i know. Except Ice assasin , simulacrums, to make it give you its ranks.
Or if you can dimplomance or get a god friendly and fuse with it with psionics.

But straight forward epic destiny is the best one. And far easier then people think.

[Inevitability]

Madness Tarrasquekiller is amazing!

Thanks!

[Ion]

I'm betting a Psi Crystal would be amazing combined with a phone. Telepathic Speech and some actually intelligence trumps Siri, and with half my hit points the damned screen better not break!

[Arbane]

Congratulations, optimizers. You've managed to take the prospect of subjugating an entire world to your will, and make it BORING.

[Trasilor]

WARNING: This big enemy is approaching at full throttle. According to its data, it is identified as 'Shameless Self Promotion'. NO REFUGE.

Meet Madness.

I know this is not part of the thread but, this bothers me...why do you think an Allip - which does ability damage can hurt the Tarrasque which is immune to ability damage?

Regarding the post...
Why does everyone want to immediately enslave the entire population?

[Malistrae]

I know this is not part of the thread but, this bothers me...why do you think an Allip - which does ability damage can hurt the Tarrasque which is immune to ability damage?

Regarding the post...
Why does everyone want to immediately enslave the entire population?

To be fair, I wanted to have some 'fun' before the enslavement begins. And my answer to your question is this: how many of us, if granted awesome magic powers (since everyone in the thread chose a caster as class, if I remember correctly), wouldn't use said powers to live out our wildest fantasies, when we are unleashed on a world without access to said powers, therefore an almost defenseless one?
Some would justify the enslavement by saying that they are doing it for the greater good, that they need to be in control in order to solve Earth's problems. Some would reason that they need to enslave Earth in order to protect if from outside threats (like the Lower Planes) or inside dangers (like terrorists / rogue states getting access to magic). Some only wish to satisfy their egos by enslaving the world. Me, I would see Earth's population as a mere stepping stone in my inevitable ascension to omnipotence and absolute freedom.

[Inevitability]

I know this is not part of the thread but, this bothers me...why do you think an Allip - which does ability damage can hurt the Tarrasque which is immune to ability damage?

Allips do not cause ability damage. They cause ability drain, which the Tarrasque isn't immune to. The difference is small, but very important.

[incarnate236]

Class/ Build can vary but general premise:

Step 1: Show up with a high level divine spell list and start healing the sick.

Step 2: Cultivate a massive following.

Step 3: Claim status as Messiah

Step 4: Lead Millions of Willing Followers into electing you President of the United States.

Step 5: Suspend Term Limits by Constitutional Amendment and rule for life.

Step 6: Convince other countries to surrender autonomy to the one true king.

Step 7: Rule the World.

[Trasilor]

Allips do not cause ability damage. They cause ability drain, which the Tarrasque isn't immune to. The difference is small, but very important.

fair enough, learn something new

[Ion]

Congratulations, optimizers. You've managed to take the prospect of subjugating an entire world to your will, and make it BORING.

So how would you make it interesting?

[atemu1234]

So how would you make it interesting?

I suggested resurrecting Robin Williams, but no...

[Renen]

MINDRAPE!

[atemu1234]

MINDRAPE!

Now I'm humming, 'let my people go'.

[Renen]

[Ion]

Your biggest issue is the mass of the moon is too small to keep air, water and heat from following away. The fastest way to fix that would be an Epic level spell of some sort. However since this whole thing is based on you NOT being god like powerful (and thus giving a rat's ass about finding a new world), we need to do this "low-tech". Also I would like to point out here that there are

First you need to rasie the Moon's mass. (Also I would like to point out here that there are
crazy effect on the Earth if you rasie the mass of the Moon too fast too close to the Earth so you are also going to have to some how move the Moon) The best way to do that is with a spell that makes an object, and spam as much mass as you can into the center of the Moon (don't want the thing loop sided). The best I can find is Wall of Iron (or a Wish if you want to risk it back fireing), so you might try making a wall of Lead or antoher high mass object. Of course there's always the risk that if you rasie the mass too much the whole thing blows up (think sun going nova).

I'm definitely have concerns about raising the mass of the moon, because I think that will throw the whole orbit of earth out of whack and lead to a cataclysmic collision... though given some of the responses to this thread, it may be preferable than eternal enslavement.

I'm playing around with a way to alter the gravity trait of the moon but have the effect end before it gets to Earth; a giant planar bubble with an alternate gravity trait or something.

[Renen]

Actually now that I think about it, I would make all scientists cry, by proving that law of conservation of energy can be negated with even the low level spells, and that "time" and "causality" can be made your B****.

THEN I would mindrape... Did I mention how much I love that spell?

[atemu1234]

Actually now that I think about it, I would make all scientists cry, by proving that law of conservation of energy can be negated with even the low level spells, and that "time" and "causality" can be made your B****.

I'd agree if I didn't already think Neil Degrasse Tyson was an epic-level wizard.

[Ion]

I'd agree if I didn't already think Neil Degrasse Tyson was an epic-level wizard.

Yea, that space ship of his has gotta have some pretty good stats too!