Iron Poet XXI

[Garwain]

Iron Poet XXI: Round 2

Prompt: Newborn

Poem:

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You are
but a dream
away and nested
in your dream
world of difference.

You find your inner
peace that protects
outside effects
of cold and indifference
to harm or to shape.

I wish I could
protect your dream
shelter and nest
warmth and comfort
I can't find.

I feel no self
pitty or regret
what shapes you
harms you or protects
you are escaping
outside effects.

You will find
rest assured
of dreaming
of cold or warmth
that will shape you.

[FinnLassie]

I will have to drop out. Having some really bad time with fever topped with migraine. I know the 12 hour extension will not help me.

[Vaynor]

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better!

[Cuthalion]

To be clear the deadline is tonight or tomorrow night?

[Benthesquid]

Round Two:

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Every single movement
Calculated. Evaluated.
Aeons before movement
Was initiated.

The immaculate design.
Of some vast cool ancient mind.

Or, just possibly it's chaos,
A wild and bloody mess.

With such odd-shaped parts
Lightning fast eccentric arcs
It can be hard to tell.

This is surely the machinery of heaven.
This is surely the machinery of hell.

[Vaynor]

The deadline is tomorrow night, Tuesday the 7th.

[truemane]

Poem time. I might edit this before midnight. But I'm posting it here, just in case.

Prompt: Extraordinary Machine

Poem:

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poem poem poem

[The Extinguisher]

I almost forgot to post this.

Prompt: Play with clouds

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“Rapid Mouth Movement”

I think I must be dreaming
Or else I should I be screaming
As high as I am up here
The ground still seems so near
Far far away
I once was there
Far far away
I never really cared
Far far away
Far far away
From my vivid
Imagination
And my conscious
Exacerbation
I’m broken
I’m missing
I’m hurting
I’m dreaming
I should have pretended
I was a little
Bit stronger

Drifting through listless anticipation
Missing conversation
In a sea of crowded dialogue
To be free from my frustration
It’s a goal I’ll never know
And I wonder should I go
Forward through the smog
Of fixation on the thoughts
To describe my aspirations
And I know I must be dreaming
Cause my thoughts
Are never
This clear

I think I must be dreaming
Cause I sometimes wake up screaming
Far far away
I’ll be believing
I’ll keep dreaming
I’ll keep scheming
Even if nothing really comes through
Even if…
If I...
Can’t say…
What’s on…
On my mind...

[Cuthalion]

Round two. Neext time I need to start earlier on in the week. >.<

Spoiler: Poem

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Went on a walk
To see the sun
Sat on a rock
A big rock
That was fun

The sunset shone
In colors warm
I did not moan
This was the norm
Right?

But the werewolf
Didn't see it coming
Wait, a werewolf?
Why is there a werewolf?
I started running

Then there was a vampire
This is getting silly
I ran towards a fire
I was scared, really

And I jumped over the fire
But they went right in
And died
I sighed
And listened to the din

As they screamed
Owww this hurts
Yes, they screamed
I squirmed
Imagine that, fire hurts

And then it was over
The fire was out
I got up and ran

And I ran

It was dark
And cold
Wet

I
Fell
Asleep

I am sleep
I am dream
Alone
By myself
And there's nothing
That can hurt me
Because I'm here
I'm safe
Safe

[TFT]

Here's my entry

Spoiler: Memories

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She opened the wooden door.
It creaked in surprise, paint chipping,
as it revealed the dust covered room.
I stared, for a moment, at the furniture,
The couches we had deemed boring,
The diamond patterned rug we hated,
That weird vase we couldn’t touch.
All there, covered in dust or sheets.

“It really has potential,” She said,
The woman in the formal black leading
As we wandered through the front hall,
Past the dining room, home of family dinners,
Silverware still on display, obscured by
now opaque glass that my mom would have scrubbed.
“A little old, sure, but we can fix that.”
Continuing through, we peeked through rooms,
The master bedroom, bed covered in silk,
My room, covered in the toys
My sister's room, equally cluttered.
I saw an old bunny, my sister’s
She outgrew years ago, when we left
This home, abandoning it to age.
I grabbed it for her.
She'd appreciate it.

We walked to the back, another aging door
Leading to wooden stairs covered in plants.
We walked down the stairs, creaking with each step,
To the dirt we used to play on
From dusk ‘til dawn.
Pretend adventures or little games,
Jumping and laughing at the freedom of outside.
“The back property is nice though.”
The woman gave me a small smile,
Walking back up the stairs.
I stared for a moment, reminiscing,
then followed suit.

We made our way back to the front.
The woman turned to me, calculating.
“This property could easily sell well.
What are you looking for it?”
“No sale.”
I stated. Her face twisted to surprise.
She could find another place to fix and sell.
I’ll stay here with this home, and the memories.
Both good and bad.

[PhoeKun]

Prompt: Duel. Using my 12 hour extension. I didn't want to write this poem, but it's the only thing I could think of looking at that god damn picture.

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Boxes and wrappers from weeks old takeout were scattered on the carpet
Nestled atop the cables and controllers all coiled like serpents
In that dusty, unkempt Paradise you found and gave to me.

That night, I remember, I walked across the room
Bare feet tiptoeing from one end to the other
Like a practiced dance that left everything hanging delicately in the balance we left it in.

You weren't home yet. I pulled open the curtains and lifted the window
To let the last of the evening light mingle with the lamps lighting in the streets
And hear the ocean wash over the quiet hum of engines and soft footfalls outside.

The air was cool and it rolled across my face while I stood there with my back to the door.
I pursed my lips, but I drew in my breath through my nose with a sharp huff and
With a clatter of a turning key, you opened the door and cast your shadow over mine.

We talked, though I don't remember what we said
Our quiet voices mingling with the noises from outside
Until you gestured at me, then at the couch against the yellowed stucco wall.

That couch was always so oddly pristine among the clutter of the rest of the house
And I think the plush brown softness of its fabric will stay burned into my mind forever.
You ran your fingers along its arm and gestured at me. I sat down.

And then, nothing changed.
Except everything did.
You stole kisses from me with your tongue.

I whimpered 'please' into your throat
But you took my words away
And pinned me against that stupid couch.

Body frozen
(no)
Hands wander
(no no)
Flipped on my stomach
(no no no)
Face shoved into a pillow.

I lost my skirt
Then
More

"You want it."

All I did was lie there.
Later I showered, but no amount of water washed away the shame or the filth
From the only clean thing in our house.

[truemane]

And here's your round summary, hopefully with more accuracy this time!

Iron Poet XXI: Round 2

truemane vs. Benthesquid: Extraordinary Machine
FinnLassie vs. The Extinguisher: Play with clouds
Garwain vs. Cuthalion: Newborn
TFT vs. PhoeKun: Duel

[truemane]

Hey judges! It's been a week. I can't speak for my fellow poets, but I'm anxious to get this thing moving.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Hey judges! It's been a week. I can't speak for my fellow poets, but I'm anxious to get this thing moving.

Will get to them by next week. I've been working a lot of overtime, so its been pretty hard to find the time to dedicate to these. I'm not giving up voting, just asking for a bit of patience.

[Szilard]

Hey judges! It's been a week. I can't speak for my fellow poets, but I'm anxious to get this thing moving.

I literally remembered about this last night. So it's been on my mind, just sorta busy with work/school. Definitely by the end of tomorrow. 👍

[Szilard]

Okay, let's do this judging thing.

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truemane vs Benthesquid

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Prompt: Extraordinary Machine

truemane

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First thoughts: Damn dude. I'm loving the rhyme, the internal rhyme, the rhythm, the occasional alliteration and assonance. Just absolutely love it. Lots of circular imagery. Makes sense considering your title. Felt like a song.

Delving deeper: I still like it. This person will go far for forgiveness.

Benthesquid

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First thoughts: Short, direct, and fairly concise--I suppose efficient like a machine.

Delving deeper: I like that the first two stanzas are more staccato and machine-like when you talk about how calculating this machine is, but then when you start to write about the chaos, your words seem more fluid--more commas and longer words and it just seems to flow better. Then of course the matter of factness of the last two lines are just sorta confusing, but the poem seems to be about how one isn't sure how chaotic or orderly this machine is, so it makes sense. More or less. Seems here and there you have some rhyme, but I'm not entirely sure it is intentional (otherwise rhyming "movement" with "movement" is just sorta lazy), and a lot more of the rhyme is more slant than not. Of course, rhyme is not necessary.

Winner

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truemane

FinnLassie vs The Extinguisher

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Prompt: Play with clouds

FinnLassie

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No entry.

The Extinguisher

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First impression: Seems.. wistful? I can't seem to English today, but that seems like an okay word. Very flowing, I felt like a lot of the time one line really led me onto the next.

Delving deeper: Second line: "Or else I should I be screaming" I think you have an extra "I" in there. I like the rhyme here or there, and I like how the thing flows, as I've mentioned. And if you were trying to portray someone tripping balls, I'd say you did a fairly good job.

Winner

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The Extinguisher

Garwain vs Cuthalion

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Prompt: Newborn

Garwain

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First impressions: You spelled "pity" wrong, but I suppose I shouldn't be fixated on that.

Delving deeper: In your second stanza, did you mean "protects from"? Because from here it sorta seems that cold and indifference is being protected in this dream world. Or maybe I'm just reading it wrong. The whole thing just sorta seems very disjointed--but of course that could be what you were going for.

Cuthalion

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First impression: Definitely had that dreamlike quality of things not-entirely-rational happening.

Delving deeper: Not entirely sure what to say about this one. It just kinda works.

Winner:

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Cuthalion

TFT vs PhoeKun

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Prompt: Duel

TFT

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First impression: A sweet little poem. Wanting to get rid of something, but then deciding not to let go, because of sentiment or whatever. Very touching.

Delving deeper: I don't see anything wrong. I like it.

PhoeKun

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First impression: Oh damn. Damn. That kinda came out of nowhere.

Delving deeper: Like, it hurts reading this. Maybe crying a bit. A bit emotional. But hell. This seems perfectly believable, and that scares me. The first few stanzas seemed to start kinda prose-y, but by the end... Damn.

Winner

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PhoeKun

[Dr Bwaa]

I'll get mine up shortly (a day or two at worst). The email updates stopped for some reason so I totally forgot the round was over.

[Dr Bwaa]

Round Two
Spellcheck Your Entries

Spoiler: Judgments

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Spoiler: truemane vs. Benthesquid

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Prompt: Extraordinary Machine

Spoiler: truemane

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This is great. The connection to the prompt is clear, but not forced, and the imagery is spectacular. There are some spots where the meter is a little weird, but for the most part the form is really enjoyable. Well done.

Spoiler: Benthesquid

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I like the duality here, though there are some places where the reasons for your punctuation choices are somewhat obscure. The last stanza does a good job of tying it together, though personally I feel like the whole thing relies a little too much on the prompt for descriptions: reading this out of context makes it much more difficult to tell what's going on, or visualize anything. Otherwise it's a very cool piece.

Spoiler: Verdict

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truemane

Spoiler: FinnLassie vs. The Extinguisher

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Prompt: Play with clouds

Spoiler: FinnLassie

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No entry.

Spoiler: The Extinguisher

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(Presumed) typo in the second line notwithstanding, this is quite interesting. It's always a challenge to write introspective pieces like this, but you've done a good job of it. You're also capturing the prompt without leaning on it, which is nice. The first stanza in particular is a bit mysterious to analyze. It sets the tone well. Nice entry.

Spoiler: Verdict

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The Extinguisher

Spoiler: Garwain vs. Cuthalion

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Prompt: Newborn

Spoiler: Garwain

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You've done some very fanciful playing with form and grammar here. You evoke the prompt without relying on it for the description, which I appreciate. There's some weirdness in the second stanza that I'm still not really sold on, but overall the piece does a great job of capturing the dreamlike state you were shooting for.

Spoiler: Cuthalion

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This is a pretty, lighthearted (well, sort of) little piece you've got here. You came at the prompt in a very original way; I like it. I'm unsure of the reason for the structure shift near the end, but that's not to say I don't like it. At the very least it has some visual appeal. On the whole, it took me a while to come around to this one, but I like it.

Spoiler: Verdict

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Cuthalion

Spoiler: TFT vs. PhoeKun

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Prompt: Duel

Spoiler: TFT

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I was really expecting a twist ending all the way through this. The atmosphere of abandoned memories comes through very strongly. That's the strongest part here, and the general suspense of the piece as you take this journey through a house frozen in time. I'm not really sold on the end; it's a little too predictable for my tastes, and it gives up the atmosphere you built up in the first three stanzas. Otherwise, this is a very strong entry.

Spoiler: PhoeKun

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Wow, what a dark (and clever) take on this prompt. The form is loose, but easily coherent enough to make the transitions meaningful. This is really just a well executed piece from start to finish.

Spoiler: Verdict

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PhoeKun

[Cuthalion]

I... what? Garwain, I thought you had this in the bag. Mine was not very good, I thought. I just would rather make a not very good one than not make one.

[PhoeKun]

Will get to them by next week. I've been working a lot of overtime, so its been pretty hard to find the time to dedicate to these. I'm not giving up voting, just asking for a bit of patience.

Hey buddy, how's it going? It's been a while without an update. Is life going ok? We could use your judgments, if you can find the time.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

My apologies. I'll try to have those up today. It's been a little busy, but honestly it kind of slipped my mind. Thanks for the reminder.

[truemane]

My apologies. I'll try to have those up today. It's been a little busy, but honestly it kind of slipped my mind. Thanks for the reminder.

So this is almost a week ago now. Update?

[TheWombatOfDoom]

I apologize for the lateness. It's been a trying couple of weeks...

Round Two

Spoiler: Judgments

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Spoiler: truemane vs. Benthesquid

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Prompt: Extraordinary Machine

Spoiler: Verdict

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truemane

Spoiler: FinnLassie vs. The Extinguisher

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Prompt: Play with clouds

Spoiler: Verdict

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The Extinguisher

Spoiler: Garwain vs. Cuthalion

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Prompt: Newborn

Spoiler: Verdict

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Garwain

Spoiler: TFT vs. PhoeKun

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Prompt: Duel

Spoiler: Verdict

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TFT

[Cuthalion]

Oh, good. Someone agreed with me.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Oh, good. Someone agreed with me.

I wasn't sure what you meant by that until I back read. I did like yours as well, and I'll probably later add reasons for my deliberations. For now, I just wanted to get out the judgements in a timely manner, to avoid delaying the contest any further.

Looking at the other judgements, it seems my judgements really didn't hold any sway on the contest anyway.

[Cuthalion]

I wasn't sure what you meant by that until I back read. I did like yours as well, and I'll probably later add reasons for my deliberations. For now, I just wanted to get out the judgements in a timely manner, to avoid delaying the contest any further.

Looking at the other judgements, it seems my judgements really didn't hold any sway on the contest anyway.

Ah, sorry.

I'm just quite surprised that something I threw together at the deadline beat a pretty decent poem on his end.

[Vaynor]

Congratulations to the winners of Iron Poet XXI: Round Two:

truemane
The Extinguisher
Cuthalion
PhoeKun

Now, on to the next round...

Iron Poet XXI: Round Three

PhoeKun vs. The Extinguisher: plausibly, intrude
Cuthalion vs. truemane: nigh, delude

Deadline: Thursday, May 21st 2015 at 11:59 pm (UTC -4).

[truemane]

Spoiler

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poem poem poem

[Cuthalion]

Cuthalion vs. truemane: nigh, delude

Spoiler: DEADLINEEE YAY!

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Why didst thou come?
If not meaning to stay,
If 'twere to dwell, and love, with faith and trust

But rather, thou camest,
And jettison'd
Me, my heart, my love.

What led thee to this?
Unnatural beast
Thou had come nigh
To nearly deluding
Me, my heart, my love.

Thou play'd, thou trifl'd,
With me and all mine,
With naught a thought
To what thou hadst done.

And now
Tha'rt gone
To wreck
That pain
Again

And truly? I pity thee
Thou knowest not what
Thou had. And lost
And ne'ermore shall have.
I pity thee.

[The Extinguisher]

Oops. I forgot how time zones work I guess. My bad. Good luck to everyone else.