LGBTAI+ 54: A Full Deck

[Coidzor]

Well, I just read a commentary on valprehension that I should not have...

I now support the word wholeheartedly. Partly because it's a great word, and partly to spite that ass.

Well, that escalated quickly. I didn't think I was being quite that hard on them, though.

But seriously, that's just kinda weird. One would have to be running in fairly specific circles to have been exposed to valprehension because it's been ~5 years since its debut and it hasn't entered general consciousness, no?

Spoiler: Trigger

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An acquaintance of mine committed suicide recently. It is interesting seeing how my family reacts and how deeply it affects people. I have definitely been effected but after a few days I think about it less but it still seems like they are more affected than I am maybe. Looking into the past while I only really care for her ex girlfriend my sisters roomate. I hope they are doing okay.

I have somewhat common thoughts of suicide. Which is difficult I guess. Dwelling on this isn't necessarily healthy because it engages emotional centers best left undisturbed. I don't even know why I am typing this part. A desire to share something but no words exist it leads into selfish dribble. Insecurities, loneliness, fears of sociopathy. I am making this about me by typing this. Who knows.

Spoiler: Trigger spoiler continued

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Grief, mourning, reacting to death. These are for the living.

Definitely sounds like you have some things you need to unpack and work your way through here, though, rather than just relying on being able to keep them boxed away in the attic.

[golentan]

Well, that escalated quickly. I didn't think I was being quite that hard on them, though.

But seriously, that's just kinda weird. One would have to be running in fairly specific circles to have been exposed to valprehension because it's been ~5 years since its debut and it hasn't entered general consciousness, no?

Spoiler: Trigger spoiler continued

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Grief, mourning, reacting to death. These are for the living.

Definitely sounds like you have some things you need to unpack and work your way through here, though, rather than just relying on being able to keep them boxed away in the attic.

The guy was going on about the "a-sexual feminist agenda" and how women don't do anything during sex and have to get used to the idea that they're the ones being... *ahem* screwed.

I feel really sorry for his girlfriends if he thinks that anyone in a sexual relationship should be something other than an active participant.

[Grytorm]

That says nothing of you, sweet. It says more of them.

Consider though; ordinary people don't expect much from friendship as an institution. Everyone seems to feel that their desires for friends to be close and not just background characters in their escapades is a personal, selfish desire when that's truly what everyone wants. They may just be normalized and not realize they're crappy friends.

They are mostly great company when I randomly run into them. Often. I don't know if they are good friends. I wish I could spend more time with them. And they are the only friends I have. Like everything about me it is a lackluster part of my life.

[KerfuffleMach2]

Maybe.

I just realized nobody actually wants to talk to me. The only time I am in contact with those I call friends is when I reach out to them. Whats wrong with me.

Join the club. I know exactly how you feel there.

I try to talk to them. About half will hold a conversation when I initiate the contact. But none of them initiate the contact with me. None. Including a guy I've know since 1999. And a couple whose wedding I attended. As the best man. They stopped contact for some unknown reason a month ago. Won't respond to me. And the other friend hasn't responded to me in years.

It feels like, if there were a party where all of my friends were, and I was there, then they would talk to me and hang out a bit and stuff. But if I wasn't there, then none of them would wonder where I was, or try to get me there. They'd just act like I didn't exist and continue with the party.

Kind of upsetting. Also making me not want to find new friends again, because all of them so far have done this to me. Don't really feel like there's a point anymore.

Sorry. Bit of a rant there. Haven't really had anybody to share stuff with lately.

[SowZ]

Spoiler: Trigger

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An acquaintance of mine committed suicide recently. It is interesting seeing how my family reacts and how deeply it affects people. I have definitely been effected but after a few days I think about it less but it still seems like they are more affected than I am maybe. Looking into the past while I only really care for her ex girlfriend my sisters roomate. I hope they are doing okay.

I have somewhat common thoughts of suicide. Which is difficult I guess. Dwelling on this isn't necessarily healthy because it engages emotional centers best left undisturbed. I don't even know why I am typing this part. A desire to share something but no words exist it leads into selfish dribble. Insecurities, loneliness, fears of sociopathy. I am making this about me by typing this. Who knows.

Spoiler

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The fact that you are afraid of sociopathy and are insecure about it indicate that you aren't a psychopath.

[Kunie]

Spoiler: Trigger

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I feel I should share that I've had thoughts of suicide as well, which only exaggerated after my family forced me out of the closet, along with the hellish amount of rejection and abuse I went through afterwards. It's never easy to think about it, and I always try my best to help myself, but a part of it always comes back.

[golentan]

Spoiler: Trigger

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I feel I should share that I've had thoughts of suicide as well, which only exaggerated after my family forced me out of the closet, along with the hellish amount of rejection and abuse I went through afterwards. It's never easy to think about it, and I always try my best to help myself, but a part of it always comes back.

If you need to talk about it, or anything else, we're here for you.

[Astrella]

I just thought it might be a handy word for trans women and such to avoid dysphoria...

[Lentrax]

Hey everybody. I don't have time to address everyone specifically right now, otherwise I would be multiquoting this thread like a boss, but look, it all comes down to this.

If you need to talk. If you need to vent. If you need to rant or rave, or just cry. I am here. I have an open inbox. And for the next few months I should be coherent enough to do something to help, until I enter my dark months for the year anyway...

Just wanting to let you know...

[Kunie]

Thanks for the kind words, all.

Also, happy to meet you Astrella! *hugs*

[SiuiS]

Dropped quote I think. Wee'n runs in 9-12mo.
Luckily, she's not big enough to be into actual sizes yet...

I just thought it might be a handy word for trans women and such to avoid dysphoria...

It is, it's just a word worth discussing is all. :)

[Absol197]

I like this word and whole-heartedly support it!

However, I have questions about how to conjugate it. Anyone?

I valprehend
You valprehend
he/she/it valprehends? Am I on the right track?

Also, I am seconding people like Lentrax (hi again, Lentrax! I'm back-ish!): if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'll be here for you as much as I can. Talking is important. I almost gave in to that sort of unpleasantness once, and it was horrible for me. I also know what it's like to have someone close to you hurt themselves. It's not nice at all.

So, yeah...talk to us, please!


~Phoenix~

[Anarion]

I'm thirding Lentrax. I'm in a relatively stable position spot myself, and I'd be very open to talking privately to anyone that wants to chat about anything.

Also, regarding friends specifically, having people reach out or not isn't the way to think about it. It's not a rejection of you if nobody ever calls. A lot of relationships are not balanced and wouldn't even be good relationships if they were balanced. Some friends are very passive, and they think they're being a good friend simply by being available when you want to talk. Some of them might even worry that they'd be butting in on your private time if they contacted you instead of you contacting them. So, don't assume that someone thinks you're not important just because they're not initiating contact. If something does feel off, tell the person. "Hey, it seems like you haven't been in touch much recently. You really busy? Everything going okay? Anything I can help out with?"

[Kunie]

Also, I am seconding people like Lentrax (hi again, Lentrax! I'm back-ish!): if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'll be here for you as much as I can. Talking is important. I almost gave in to that sort of unpleasantness once, and it was horrible for me. I also know what it's like to have someone close to you hurt themselves. It's not nice at all.

So, yeah...talk to us, please!


~Phoenix~

*hugs you, offers cake*

Hello, Absol! I'm happy to meet you, and thanks for the kind words.
Love your avatar, by the way.

[Anarion]

golentan, be a pal and clear out your completely full PM inbox so I can PM you about getting together soon, please.

[Absol197]

*hugs you, offers cake*

Hello, Absol! I'm happy to meet you, and thanks for the kind words.
Love your avatar, by the way.

Cake! *noms*

Thanks, I love my avatar too! It was made by our own Juniper here! And feel free to call me Phee .

I used to be a regular around here, but I got really busy and wasn't able to keep posting. But I'm back, hopefully to stay!


~Phoenix~

EDIT: Oh, I forgot! A me update for those who remember me: I'm at 1 year on hormones (a little longer, but), and things are going well. I have my SRS scheduled for my trans-birthday this year (in August; only a little more waiting...). I also got my name officially changed! My family, all of them, yes even the grandma that used to be really LGBT-phobic, are supportive. Things are going quite well. So that means since I don't have many dysphoria problems left myself, my job has shifted to helping others who are not as lucky as I am. Anything you want to talk or gripe about, let me know!

[Kunie]

I have to say, I'm taken aback at just how many trans and non-binary members are on this forum. I'm used to being among the handful (usually due to open prejudices or personal fears), but to see such a laid-back community is pretty mindblowing.

[SiuiS]

Cake! *noms*

Thanks, I love my avatar too! It was made by our own Juniper here! And feel free to call me Phee .

I used to be a regular around here, but I got really busy and wasn't able to keep posting. But I'm back, hopefully to stay!


~Phoenix~

EDIT: Oh, I forgot! A me update for those who remember me: I'm at 1 year on hormones (a little longer, but), and things are going well. I have my SRS scheduled for my trans-birthday this year (in August; only a little more waiting...). I also got my name officially changed! My family, all of them, yes even the grandma that used to be really LGBT-phobic, are supportive. Things are going quite well. So that means since I don't have many dysphoria problems left myself, my job has shifted to helping others who are not as lucky as I am. Anything you want to talk or gripe about, let me know!

Oh, right on! I'm glad! So there wasn't any trouble with having to move and basically being a part of the wrong branch of the company any more?

[Absol197]

Oh, right on! I'm glad! So there wasn't any trouble with having to move and basically being a part of the wrong branch of the company any more?

Yes. Well, sort of. I did some math and by selling some possessions, I can afford doing COBRA insurance. It means spending $5,000 more than necessary, basically meaning I don't get to save that money for FFS, but, eh. I want to get the big one out of the way, and get my official gender changed on documents first. Then hopefully I can get family members to loan me some money for FFS.

I had to sell my baritone saxophone to afford it, though . I loved that horn...But she wasn't getting played at all and that wasn't likely to change soon, so now she's with a professional musician and going to get played a lot, which is what she deserves.Sorry for anthropomorphizing my musical instrument, but...gosh, I have a lot of memories with it. *Sniff*

~Phoenix~

[SiuiS]

... I would say I'm surprised about the COBRA thing but Anarion told me to do that very same thing like two months ago and I blew him off.

Well, nuts to me and my pessimism! Rock on for you! I hope to be trailing along behind you very soonly.

[Kunie]

Yes. Well, sort of. I did some math and by selling some possessions, I can afford doing COBRA insurance. It means spending $5,000 more than necessary, basically meaning I don't get to save that money for FFS, but, eh. I want to get the big one out of the way, and get my official gender changed on documents first. Then hopefully I can get family members to loan me some money for FFS.

I had to sell my baritone saxophone to afford it, though . I loved that horn...But she wasn't getting played at all and that wasn't likely to change soon, so now she's with a professional musician and going to get played a lot, which is what she deserves.Sorry for anthropomorphizing my musical instrument, but...gosh, I have a lot of memories with it. *Sniff*

~Phoenix~

I'm very glad that you're getting to transition, and it's nice that you at least found a good owner for your saxophone. Be happy for the good you've done, friend.

I just hope things don't go too bad from here. Selling possessions is never easy.

[Absol197]

... I would say I'm surprised about the COBRA thing but Anarion told me to do that very same thing like two months ago and I blew him off.

Well, nuts to me and my pessimism! Rock on for you! I hope to be trailing along behind you very soonly.

You really have to look at your finances, but if you think about it, COBRA is the smart way to go. Sure, id you had the insurance it would only be about ~$8,000, but without any it's more like ~$27,000. If your COBRA payments are like mine, then they're about $500 a month. So for 10 months like I had to do, it was tough but possible. $13,000 is still a heck of a lot cheaper than $27,000!

Oh, also! I got myself hooked on romance novels, so my current writing project is to write a romance! And of course, because this is me we're talking about, it's going to be a modern fantasy. And I'm going to tie the story into the world for my serious (is that a good word? Romance isn't not-serious...) stories I'm working on! It's going to be awesome! Detail available for those who want 'em...

[Kunie]

How neat, I'm working on becoming a writer, too! I'd love to hear more about your work, Absol.

[Anarion]

... I would say I'm surprised about the COBRA thing but Anarion told me to do that very same thing like two months ago and I blew him off.

It's also not too late to enroll for regular health ensurance right now. The several hundred dollars less than COBRA kind. Just saying.

[SiuiS]

Oh, also! I got myself hooked on romance novels, so my current writing project is to write a romance! And of course, because this is me we're talking about, it's going to be a modern fantasy. And I'm going to tie the story into the world for my serious (is that a good word? Romance isn't not-serious...) stories I'm working on! It's going to be awesome! Detail available for those who want 'em...

Spoiler: :D

Show

I have a Facebook group I need you to join once I make it!

It's also not too late to enroll for regular health ensurance right now. The several hundred dollars less than COBRA kind. Just saying.

I'm still vaguely working on the 'my GF has some of the best benefits in the pay bracket' angle, though we are having some differences of opinion on getting me into her benefits.

[Absol197]

Spoiler: :D

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I'm not quite sure what this means *is being serious* ...

Also, no one answered me question! How does one conjugate valprehension? This is driving me batty (-er than normal!)


~Phoenix~


EDIT: Also, I do not do Facebook. At all. Sorry

[KerfuffleMach2]

I'm thirding Lentrax. I'm in a relatively stable position spot myself, and I'd be very open to talking privately to anyone that wants to chat about anything.

Also, regarding friends specifically, having people reach out or not isn't the way to think about it. It's not a rejection of you if nobody ever calls. A lot of relationships are not balanced and wouldn't even be good relationships if they were balanced. Some friends are very passive, and they think they're being a good friend simply by being available when you want to talk. Some of them might even worry that they'd be butting in on your private time if they contacted you instead of you contacting them. So, don't assume that someone thinks you're not important just because they're not initiating contact. If something does feel off, tell the person. "Hey, it seems like you haven't been in touch much recently. You really busy? Everything going okay? Anything I can help out with?"

Well, when the length of time that they haven't made any effort to contact me can be measured in years, I think I'm allowed to get a little upset about it.

[Kunie]

It's also not too late to enroll for regular health ensurance right now. The several hundred dollars less than COBRA kind. Just saying.

I'm actually not too familiar with COBRA or anything like that myself. I personally have thought of transitioning in the past, but money issues and lack of support often got in the way. Now that I'm slowly starting to get more independant, might this be something to consider?

[Shadowscale]

I have never felt this sick before :( It's going on day 6.

[Absol197]

I'm actually not too familiar with COBRA or anything like that myself. I personally have thought of transitioning in the past, but money issues and lack of support often got in the way. Now that I'm slowly starting to get more independant, might this be something to consider?

I'm assuming you're American for this.

COBRA is some ridiculous acrynym for basically staying on your employer's insurance after you've left the company. You basically have to have worked for a company that has an insurance policy that covers SRS, and then have left. Now, obviously, remaining at the company would be the better alternative, because then you don't have to pay nearly as much for the insurance, and it still covers you.

What happened to me is that I worked for a company that covered SRS, then my division was sold to a company that doesn't a little more than a year before I was planning to get my surgery. So my options were: no insurance (not possible to afford surgery), or do COBRA to stay on my first company's insurance (very expensive, but possible).