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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    ReturnOfTheKing's Avatar

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    Default The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    I am ashamed to say I came up with this myself.

    OK, Frosty the Snowman is being hunted by Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is playing the Terminator and Dr. Freeze at the same time.

    While Frosty runs for his life, Arnold draws upon a freeze gun and fires, striking Frosty in the back. As Frosty slowly turns, he finds himself hardening as his snow is turned to ice.

    Grinning, Arnold produces a pistol and prepares to shatter Frosty into a million pieces. He then utters this phrase:

    "Frosta la vista, baby."


    …excuse me while I go hide under a chair.
    My shameful creation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Honest Tiefling View Post
    I greatly suspect that Lovecraft had an unfortunate incident with seafood to produce the creatures he did.
    Quote Originally Posted by GAAD View Post
    Well, I assume that you assume that she assumes that he assumes that everyone assumes that everyone else is a hipster.
    Quote Originally Posted by GorinichSerpant View Post
    The only way he could shoot himself in the foot more is if he literally shot himself in the foot.


    Kudos to smuchmuch for the fantastic 11th Doctor avatar!

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReturnOfTheKing View Post
    I am ashamed to say I came up with this myself.

    OK, Frosty the Snowman is being hunted by Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is playing the Terminator and Dr. Freeze at the same time.

    While Frosty runs for his life, Arnold draws upon a freeze gun and fires, striking Frosty in the back. As Frosty slowly turns, he finds himself hardening as his snow is turned to ice.

    Grinning, Arnold produces a pistol and prepares to shatter Frosty into a million pieces. He then utters this phrase:

    "Frosta la vista, baby."


    …excuse me while I go hide under a chair.
    I love you.

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Eldritch Horror in the Playground Moderator
     
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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Eh. I told this to a friend of mine, who works in a butcher shop making sausages. After I'd finished, he thought for a minute then said "Eh, I've heard wurst."
    Quote Originally Posted by GungHo, on Battletech
    The Atlas is also goofy but it has that whole "Stay Puft Marshmallow Man" menacing smile thing going for it. The guy who drew that one up was obviously taken to the Nutcracker when he was a child... and he was screaming in terror the entire time.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enterti, Cogidubnus
    Glyphstone, out of all the playground I think you scare me the most...
    Quote Originally Posted by Zombimode
    Glyphstone, you are an evil person :D

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Troll in the Playground
     
    the_druid_droid's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Best thread. Calling it now.
    This Machine Surrounds Hate And Forces It To Surrender

    Quote Originally Posted by Anarion View Post
    DD, your unicorn is stronger, prettier, and higher-ranking than mine, and her secret lab has a better name than mine. THERE SHALL BE NO QUARTER.
    Ponythread Learns to Draw!

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    Bleeeeh! Alfalfa Monster!


    Avatar by Aruius

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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    *waits for half-remembered story about a talking snake and a "end-the-human-race machine"*
    A sufficiently poorly-written vampire will, when exposed to the sun's rays, turn into a purple unicorn.
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  6. - Top - End - #6
    Troll in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Here's one of mine I wrote about twelve years ago:


    A lumberjack goes into the woods and finds a perfect tree. He raises his axe, then hears a voice.

    "Wait, stop."

    The lumberjack is puzzled, but readies himself for another swing.

    "Please, don't," says the voice.

    The woodcutter recognizes this to be the tree itself and is fascinated. He wonders how smart a talking tree is and, being a fan of riddles, asks it a fairly easy one. Quick as a wip, the tree gets it.

    "Not too shabby," he says, "but here's a really challenging one."

    Without even pausing to think, the tree answers correctly. Impressed, the lumberjack decides to ask it his legendary riddle. One of his own creation that no-one, not even the smartest folks he knows, has been able to guess. Just like the others, the tree solves it without skipping a beat.

    Enraged, the woodcutter raises his axe. "Wait, what are you doing?" the tree pleads.

    The lumberjack responds,
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    "I want to stump you."
    Last edited by SowZ; 2015-01-02 at 01:51 AM.
    Homebrew PrC: The Performance Artist
    Avatar by Kymme

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    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    The Aristocrats.
    My motto: Repensum Est Canicula.

    Quote Originally Posted by turkishproverb View Post
    I am not getting into a shootout with Golentan. Too many gun-arms.
    Credit to Astrella for the new party avatar.

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    Gunslinger in the Playground Administrator
     
    Roland St. Jude's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Not one of these again. Last time we had one of these threads, I posted ten different puns hoping at least one would win the thread. But no pun in ten did.
    Fedoruman Roland by Chris the Pontifex

    Forum Rules

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    I think this is mandatory.

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    Ogre in the Playground
     
    enderlord99's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    I think this is mandatory.
    I half-remembered that.
    A sufficiently poorly-written vampire will, when exposed to the sun's rays, turn into a purple unicorn.
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  11. - Top - End - #11
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    golentan's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    I think this is mandatory.
    It is probably the worst joke I've ever read, which is why it's frustrating that people mention it as a great one in other threads.
    My motto: Repensum Est Canicula.

    Quote Originally Posted by turkishproverb View Post
    I am not getting into a shootout with Golentan. Too many gun-arms.
    Credit to Astrella for the new party avatar.

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    It is probably the worst joke I've ever read, which is why it's frustrating that people mention it as a great one in other threads.
    I rather enjoyed it when I first read it. I forgot it was a joke half-way through so when it came to the end I had a slow blink moment as my brain scrambled for purchase.

  13. - Top - End - #13
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    SiuiS's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Quote Originally Posted by enderlord99 View Post
    *waits for half-remembered story about a talking snake and a "end-the-human-race machine"*
    Better Nate than lever.

    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    It is probably the worst joke I've ever read, which is why it's frustrating that people mention it as a great one in other threads.
    It's not a bad joke. As you've said, it's the weird "this is a personality test" thing that's stupid and makes no sense. The joke is neat though, just wish there were more world building.

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    This'll probably come in handy a *lot* in this thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by enderlord99 View Post
    *waits for half-remembered story about a talking snake and a "end-the-human-race machine"*
    I still remember that one's punchline.

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    BETTER NATE THAN LEVER!


    Even though it was very anticlimactic, it was a very good read with a good plot in my opinion.
    Last edited by jhunter_d; 2015-01-02 at 08:06 AM.

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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    I like how a third of the posts are about th longest joke in the world :)
    My one and only handbook: My Totemist Handbook
    My one and only homebrew: Book of Flux
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    A comment on tiers, by Prime32
    Quote Originally Posted by KillianHawkeye View Post
    As a DM, I deal with character death by cheering and giving a fist pump, or maybe a V-for-victory sign. I would also pat myself on the back, but I can't really reach around like that.
      /l、
    ゙(゚、 。 7
     l、゙ ~ヽ
     じしf_, )ノ

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    Troll in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    So, great thread or best thread?
    How vampires work in OOTS.

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    Quote Originally Posted by oppyu View Post
    There is nothing more emblematic of this forum than three or four pages of debate between people who, as it turns out, pretty much agree with each other.

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    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Killer Angel's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    We could also open the dam of "A guy walks into a bar... "
    Do I contradict myself?
    Very well then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes. (W.Whitman)


    Things that increase my self esteem:
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaiyanwang View Post
    Great analysis KA. I second all things you said
    Quote Originally Posted by JoeYounger View Post
    Great analysis KA, I second everything you said here.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu_Bonkosi View Post
    If I have a player using Paladin in the future I will direct them to this. Good job.
    Quote Originally Posted by grimbold View Post
    THIS is proof that KA is amazing
    Quote Originally Posted by PairO'Dice Lost View Post
    Killer Angel, you have an excellent taste in books
    Quote Originally Posted by Eldan View Post
    Historical zombies is a fantastic idea.

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Titan in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    I rather enjoyed it when I first read it. I forgot it was a joke half-way through so when it came to the end I had a slow blink moment as my brain scrambled for purchase.
    Yeah, as a story, it could use some work, though it was all right.
    It certainly made you care about the characters.
    Not much of a joke, but I read it. I have a strange feeling I read it before.
    Quote Originally Posted by Calanon View Post
    Raven_Cry's comments often have the effects of a +5 Tome of Understanding

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Duck999's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Quote Originally Posted by Killer Angel View Post
    We could also open the dam of "A guy walks into a bar... "
    "Ouch"

    There are at least a few good walk into a bar jokes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Roland St. Jude View Post
    Not one of these again. Last time we had one of these threads, I posted ten different puns hoping at least one would win the thread. But no pun in ten did.
    I would say you win the thread for that one, but the pun in the sentence is at the end. Normally you say no pun intended after saying the pun, not at the same time.
    Last edited by Duck999; 2015-01-02 at 09:55 AM.

  20. - Top - End - #20
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    jhunter_d's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Quote Originally Posted by Killer Angel View Post
    We could also open the dam of "A guy walks into a bar... "
    Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!

    A guy walks into a bar! He dies from the concussive impact.

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Eldritch Horror in the Playground Moderator
     
    The Glyphstone's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Quote Originally Posted by Killer Angel View Post
    We could also open the dam of "A guy walks into a bar... "
    A guy walks into a BAR. He dies in a hail of machine-gun fire.
    Quote Originally Posted by GungHo, on Battletech
    The Atlas is also goofy but it has that whole "Stay Puft Marshmallow Man" menacing smile thing going for it. The guy who drew that one up was obviously taken to the Nutcracker when he was a child... and he was screaming in terror the entire time.
    Spoiler
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enterti, Cogidubnus
    Glyphstone, out of all the playground I think you scare me the most...
    Quote Originally Posted by Zombimode
    Glyphstone, you are an evil person :D

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Ravens_cry's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    A man walks into a bar.
    The hobbit walks under it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Calanon View Post
    Raven_Cry's comments often have the effects of a +5 Tome of Understanding

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Maralais's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    Quote Originally Posted by enderlord99 View Post
    *waits for half-remembered story about a talking snake and a "end-the-human-race machine"*
    Hey, I remember that one!

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    Better Nate than Lever.


    Holy hell I should have read the others' comments before I wrote the same thing 1000th time.
    Last edited by Maralais; 2015-01-02 at 10:38 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andmcmuffin2 View Post
    Any reason the Positive Energy Plane isn't a flavor you like? You do die of overhealing there.
    lol so they go something like this?

    "omg i'm so HEALTHY! RWARRRR!" <kursplode>

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Nerd-o-rama's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    A fish runs into a wall.

    "Dam", he says.
    Let's Play Super Robot Wars Alpha


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    Character avatar of Rin is courtesy of Maestro.
    Stealthy Snake avatar by Dawn
    Signum Zeichen Nachtgott by Tengu
    SOS Banner by Gorbash Kazdar

    AIM: Nerdorama09

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

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    Only one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.


    How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

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    Two- one to hold the giraffe, the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored power tools.


    Or, from Angel.

    Two men walk into a bar. The first man orders a scotch and soda. The second man remembers something he'd forgotten, and it doubles him over with pain. He falls to the floor shaking and then through the floor into the earth. He looks back up at the first man, but he doesn't call out to him. They're not that close.
    Avatar courtesy of Kaariane!

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    Orc in the Playground
     
    SeptimusFabrius's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    How many logicians does it take to change a broken lightbulb?
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    Two: One to decide what to the change it into and the other to determine what sort of bulb emits broken light.
    Avatar by the awesome linkele, upon whom all glory should be bestowed!

    Life would be tragic if it weren't funny. - Stephen Hawking

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    How many reference librarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
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    Well, what kind of lightbulb is it?
    Avatar by the one and only Ceika.
    "I'll be whatever I wanna do." - Philip J. Fry
    my fake wizard|my fake one-shot|my fake link

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Razanir's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    I've heard worse.

    Once there was a man who wanted to build a house. But being a bit eccentric, he wanted to use exactly 99 bricks. Unfortunately, the hardware store only sold them in groups of 100. He argued back and forth with a salesperson, because the store would not sell less than the full 100 bricks. Eventually, the man gave in and bought 100 bricks. He then went outside and threw the spare brick into the sky.
    Last edited by Razanir; 2015-01-02 at 12:11 PM.
    Avatar from anythingcomic.com

    Quote Originally Posted by Razanir View Post
    Everyone knows frying pans are actually weapons that people repurpose for cooking
    I am an 11/11/12/15/12/14 LG Wiz 1/Clr 1

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    I don't get that one... is there some wordplay on "spare brick" that I'm missing?

    Ooh! I remembered one of my own terrible jokes:

    Why did the chicken cross the road?
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    Why do chickens do anything?


    No one has ever laughed at that. Not even little kids.
    Avatar by the one and only Ceika.
    "I'll be whatever I wanna do." - Philip J. Fry
    my fake wizard|my fake one-shot|my fake link

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    Titan in the Playground
     
    Traab's Avatar

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    Default Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

    A nun a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, the bartender looks at them and goes, "What is this? A joke?"
    "Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europae vincendarum"
    Translation: "Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe."

    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd-o-rama View Post
    Traab is yelling everything that I'm thinking already.
    "If you don't get those cameras out of my face, I'm gonna go 8.6 on the Richter scale with gastric emissions that'll clear this room."

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