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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Kid Jake's Avatar

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    Default Crazy Stuff Our Kids Say

    I've got a three year old niece that I've been more or less raising for the past three years and among the things I've discovered about child rearing, perhaps the most surprising is how gut-wrenchingly funny/mind-boggingly confusing some of the stuff that comes out of their mouths is. So I figured I'd share some of her gems with the Playground and invite you folks to do the same.

    When Asked: What Does The Clown Say?
    She instinctively responds: "Get in the van!"

    When Asked Who She Was Playing With At The Park
    She furrowed her brow and said: "I think she was a little girl...or maybe she was a vampire. I didn't ask."

    When I Dropped Her Off At Her Grandmother's To Spend The Night
    She hugged me, looked in my eyes and said: "I'll come back tomorrow. Please don't go die in a ditch."

    After Explaining Why She Hates Nearly Every Scooby Doo Character, I Ask Why She Keeps Watching The Show
    She replies "It's Fred. He's just soooo handsome."

    She Declares Herself a Princess and Thus Beyond Our Petty Rules, Her Mother Picks Her Up To Tickle Her In Response
    She immediately shouts: "Unhand me peasant!"

    I Turn The Corner To See Her Dragging A Large Doll Behind The Trashcan By Its Feet
    She's humming to herself "Dispose of the body...."

    No Context For This, I Just Walked Into The Room and She Was Shouting:
    "My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!"


    I Walked In On Her Mother Tickling Her For Calling Her A Tool
    Between giggles she manages to shout "This is something a Tool would do!"

    When Asked Who Her Favorite Character Was
    "Arnold Schwarzenegger!"*

    *Not a character mind you, but Ahnold himself. She now owns almost every action figure ever released with his likeness even though I'm pretty sure she's never actually seen one of his movies. They alternate between helping her feed her babies and waging a neverending war for her love.
    Last edited by Kid Jake; 2015-01-20 at 01:59 AM.
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  2. - Top - End - #2
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Ravens_cry's Avatar

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    Sep 2008

    Default Re: Crazy Stuff Our Kids Say

    Best. Niece. Ever.
    Seriously, that's thirteen kinds of awesome.
    Hmm, well, I didn't see this, but apparently my three year old nephew was on Santa's lap and it was going quite well, until Santa said how much the kid had grown since last year, and the kid, with all the affronted dignity of a Tsar, said "I was not here last year; you are mistaken."
    Last edited by Ravens_cry; 2015-01-20 at 04:03 AM.
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    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Brother Oni's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crazy Stuff Our Kids Say

    My daughter used to warn me to be very careful with the kitchen knife as 'it was a shark' (she meant it was very sharp).

    She was playing Halo: Reach with me and she kept on giggling 'Boom! Headshot!' every time she got one. I'm not allowed to play non-age appropriate games with her anymore.

    Both my children used to watch me play World of Tanks. While at kindergarten the following day, my son built a tank out of stickle bricks, complete with rotating turret. All the other children immediately wanted one and built them - I imagine the rest of the afternoon was much like a typical WoT game (only with more competence).
    Unsurprisingly, armoured warfare tactics aren't on the standard school cirriculum, so it made for an interesting meeting at the next parent-teacher consultation.

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BlueKnightGuy

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    Default Re: Crazy Stuff Our Kids Say

    These are equally hilarious and terrifying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    No Context For This, I Just Walked Into The Room and She Was Shouting:
    "My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!"
    I believe this is the definition of parenting done right...



    Quote Originally Posted by Milodiah View Post
    ...of course the ol' Katyushas and even modern rocket artillery systems aren't as pinpoint, scary, stick-a-hammer-on-the-end-of-this-155-round-and-our-gun-crew-will-drive-a-nail-through-that-2x4-then-blow-it-up-because-it's-a-155-round accurate...

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    Titan in the Playground
     
    Ravens_cry's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crazy Stuff Our Kids Say

    Quote Originally Posted by rs2excelsior View Post
    These are equally hilarious and terrifying.
    What a strange way of spelling 'awesome' you have.
    Quote Originally Posted by Calanon View Post
    Raven_Cry's comments often have the effects of a +5 Tome of Understanding

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    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Lentrax's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crazy Stuff Our Kids Say

    My daughter, on the subject of her underpants coming off her butt:

    "Daughter, I can see your butt crack."
    "Hey! My Butt not broke!"

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    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Crazy Stuff Our Kids Say

    We were working on his counting and I asked my son a question I thought would be pretty basic.

    "Ben, how many wieners do you have?"
    "Three!" *reaches down and checks his diaper region* "Four?"
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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Techmagss's Avatar

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    annoyed Re: Crazy Stuff Our Kids Say

    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    I Turn The Corner To See Her Dragging A Large Doll Behind The Trashcan By Its Feet
    She's humming to herself "Dispose of the body...."
    ...need some help there? My name's Winston Wolfe; I fix problems.
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    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Masterkerfuffle's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crazy Stuff Our Kids Say

    My friends 4-year-old child would call people he didn't like 'fat humps'
    Quote Originally Posted by Kelb_Panthera View Post
    Eat a hobo once a year and live forever.
    Aye me toenails be in sorry shape.

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    May 2013

    Default Re: Crazy Stuff Our Kids Say

    Can I deviate from stuff said and go for crazy things the kids do/like?
    The kids at my 2 year old niece's daycare have been watching toy porn. Toy. Porn.*
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mI0FKAIlSeU
    Making 21 minutes long videos of just that sounds weird but they actually love it!



    *: No, there's nothing inappropriate in the linked video, I call it porn because... you'll see.

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    Titan in the Playground
     
    Ravens_cry's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crazy Stuff Our Kids Say

    My younger sister would call all dogs 'BUMS!' in a surprisingly deep bellow when she was very small.
    As best as we can work out, the logic was puppy equals poopy equals poop and where does poop come from? Bums, of course, but we have no way to confirm or deny this.
    Quote Originally Posted by Calanon View Post
    Raven_Cry's comments often have the effects of a +5 Tome of Understanding

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