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  1. - Top - End - #181
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Mirror of Change Self: When you look in this mirror, and speak the command word, you can cause your reflection in the mirror to change, as if your reflection is affected by a Change Self spell. Nothing happens to you, but your reflection in the mirror, and in that mirror only, is changed.
    Sic Bisquitum Disintegratum - Thus Breaketh Ye Bisquit

  2. - Top - End - #182
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Feb 2015

    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrmox42 View Post
    Mirror of Change Self: When you look in this mirror, and speak the command word, you can cause your reflection in the mirror to change, as if your reflection is affected by a Change Self spell. Nothing happens to you, but your reflection in the mirror, and in that mirror only, is changed.
    Mirror of Mirroring: Upon looking in this mirror, you instead are mirrored, swapping all of your handedness and symmetry as if you were the mirror image instead. This effect can be reversed by you casting "Mirror Image" on the mirror.

  3. - Top - End - #183
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    I found this one in my copy of the Encyclopedia Magica:

    Arrow of Sleighing

    "When this powerful item is drawnin a bow, in a combat situation, it immediately expands and unfolds into a full-size, four-place toboggan."

  4. - Top - End - #184
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Feb 2013

    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Wand of Wands.

    This wand contains one charge. After the charge is used, the wand becomes an ordinary, mundane piece of wood. When touched to a mundane piece of wood of sufficient size, the charge is expended, and the wood becomes a Wand of Wands.

    Charm of Mending:

    When this small clay disk is broken, and the command word is uttered, it casts Mending. On itself.

    Potion of Potions:

    When this potion is mixed with another potion, both become a Potion of Potions.

    Bag of Bags:

    Whenever a bag is placed in this bag, it becomes a Bag of Bags.
    Last edited by bloodshed343; 2015-03-25 at 11:27 PM.

  5. - Top - End - #185
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Arrow of Sleighing

    "When this powerful item is drawnin a bow, in a combat situation, it immediately expands and unfolds into a full-size, four-place toboggan."
    Now THIS is an item that is sure to cause confusion, the first time it is used
    Sic Bisquitum Disintegratum - Thus Breaketh Ye Bisquit

  6. - Top - End - #186
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by EvanescentHero View Post
    I think it means that the potion itself can be resurrected.

    I very much plan to give my party a Duck of Many Things now too.
    Some of them are worded to see who's paying attention. But yes, the Potion of True Resurrection is intended to true resurrect potions, not people.

    The Magic Stone is my favorite gag to use against a party deep in a dungeon. And the Stone of Jordan has hilarious implications in game. As does the Duck of Many Things.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    Kill a PC's father? Well that's just the cost of doing business.
    Steal a PC's boots? Now it's personal.
    Please take everything I say with a grain of salt. Unless we're arguing about alignment. In which case, you're wrong.

    Former EMPIRE2! Player: Imperator of the Nihoni Dominion
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    My Awesome Campaign Setting

  7. - Top - End - #187
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Dec 2014

    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by BootStrapTommy View Post
    Some of them are worded to see who's paying attention. But yes, the Potion of True Resurrection is intended to true resurrect potions, not people.

    The Magic Stone is my favorite gag to use against a party deep in a dungeon. And the Stone of Jordan has hilarious implications in game. As does the Duck of Many Things.
    I'll probably toss the Magic Stone at my party sometime, but the Stone of Jordan seems too mean. I'm all for cursed items, but...there is a line, and in this case the line is made of horrible duplicating rings.

  8. - Top - End - #188
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Dec 2012

    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Murlynd's Magic Jar of Mayonaisse

  9. - Top - End - #189
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    MadBear's Avatar

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by BootStrapTommy View Post
    Cannon of Canon: A cannon that when loaded with a piece of literature and fired at a church immediately causes whatever is in the literature to become part of the canon of that religion.
    That's not mostly useless at all. that's just amazing. I can see a character or villain reeking havok with this item.

    PC: Bow down and worship me, your living god
    Priest: Pfft go away you nutter

    Fires cannon with a piece of paper that says said PC is the churches living God

    PC: I said BOW!!!!!
    Priest: I'm sorry oh mighty one. Unfortunately, I worship a cannibal god, and we eat the vessels of our living God. (Starts eating said player)

    PC: DRATTSS!!!!! WHY DIDN'T I BOTHER LEARNING ABOUT THEIR RELIGION SOon.....ARG (dies)
    DM: Muahahaha, you'll never win in my campaign.
    Last edited by MadBear; 2015-03-26 at 04:00 PM.

  10. - Top - End - #190
    Troll in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by bloodshed343 View Post
    Wand of Wands.

    This wand contains one charge. After the charge is used, the wand becomes an ordinary, mundane piece of wood. When touched to a mundane piece of wood of sufficient size, the charge is expended, and the wood becomes a Wand of Wands.

    Charm of Mending:

    When this small clay disk is broken, and the command word is uttered, it casts Mending. On itself.

    Potion of Potions:

    When this potion is mixed with another potion, both become a Potion of Potions.

    Bag of Bags:

    Whenever a bag is placed in this bag, it becomes a Bag of Bags.
    Pour a potion of potions in the alchemist's/Artificer's lab's main water source. They can now no longer brew any potions but Potions of Potions.

    This thing is an Ice-9 scenario for alchemy waiting to happen.

  11. - Top - End - #191
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Dagger of Wind Direction: When held, and the command word is spoken, this dagger will point in the direction of the wind.
    Sic Bisquitum Disintegratum - Thus Breaketh Ye Bisquit

  12. - Top - End - #192
    Troll in the Playground
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    Protecting my Horde (yes, I mean that kind)

    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrmox42 View Post
    I have one of those in my garden

    Carpet of Instant Orchestra: When this carpet is unfurled and put on the ground, an orchestra will instantly appear on it and start playing. They will do this until the carpet is rolled up again.
    There are several types of Carpets of Instant Orchestras:
    Carpet of Instant Harp Trio
    Carpet of Instant Banjo Band
    Carpet of Instant Peruvian Pipe Players
    Carpet of Instant Military Brass Band
    Carpet of Instant Tuba Quintet
    Carpet of Instant Bagpipe Deluxe Band
    Are the Bagpipers dwarves? They have to be dwarves. The banjo band must be two halflings that can of course only play Dueling Banjos.

  13. - Top - End - #193
    Banned
     
    Anderlith's Avatar

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    Jun 2011

    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    The Dueling Chicken

    This weapon always appears to be of an ornate & elaborate design, to configure to the current culture's views on dueling, even going so far as to be a pair of leather cloves with studs. One consistency is that the design never changes from that of a fighting **** (chicken) When first worn/wielded the weapon disappears into an extradimentional space, to be pulled out when the command word is spoken. This item is cursed though & has a random chance that the wielder instead pulls out a harmless rubber chicken. You may make up whatever percentage chance you'd like to adjust to the levity of your game, don't let me tell you how to play

  14. - Top - End - #194
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Anderlith View Post
    The Dueling Chicken
    Holy crap, I love this so much.

  15. - Top - End - #195
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Thingy of Random Weaponry: (also known as the Swiss Army Thingy) This unshapely thing (made of metal and wood Things - about the size of a Wand) can change shape and turn into a random weapon on the push of a button.
    When the button is pushed, roll a D20. The Thingy turns into one of the following weapons:

    1 - A normal Longsword
    2 - A Longsword +1
    3 - A normal Shortsword
    4 - A Shortsword +1
    5 - A normal Rapier
    6 - A Rapier +1
    7 - A normal Longbow
    8 - A normal Sling
    9 - A normal Spear
    10 - A normal Dagger
    11 - A Dagger +1
    12 - A normal Quarterstaff
    13 - A normal Catapult
    14 - A normal Trebuchet
    15 - A normal Whip
    16 - A Whip +1
    17 - A normal Greataxe
    18 - A Greataxe +1
    19 - A normal Greatsword
    20 - A Greatsword +1

    The Thingy changes shape and functions as the weapon type for 2D6 rounds. It then reverts to it's Thingy shape Again, and is inert for 2D6 rounds. The button can then be pushed again.
    Last edited by Mrmox42; 2015-03-29 at 09:46 AM.
    Sic Bisquitum Disintegratum - Thus Breaketh Ye Bisquit

  16. - Top - End - #196
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    Canada eh?
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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Water Clock of Absolute Time - A standard sized and weight water (very large, very heavy) clock that keeps perfect time relative to its native prime material plane. Must be full of water from it native prime plane to operate.

  17. - Top - End - #197
    Troll in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by kaoskonfety View Post
    Water Clock of Absolute Time - A standard sized and weight water (very large, very heavy) clock that keeps perfect time relative to its native prime material plane. Must be full of water from it native prime plane to operate.
    I could see a bunch of these in Sigil next to known gates to various Prime worlds, like how you used to see big clock pillars or walls with three dozen faces at railroad stations.
    Last edited by JAL_1138; 2015-03-28 at 07:37 AM.

  18. - Top - End - #198
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    HalflingRogueGuy

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Tiara of sound detection
    While worn, this tiara vibrates when any audible sound reaches the wearer. The tiara vibration generate an audible buzz, wich creates an unfortunate feedback loop. It is also incredibly painful and usualy prevents hearing the initial triggering sound.
    Yes, I am slightly egomaniac. Why didn't you ask?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fyraltari
    Also this isn’t D&D, flaming the troll doesn’t help either.

  19. - Top - End - #199
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Kurald Galain's Avatar

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrmox42 View Post
    Thingy of Random Weaponry: (also known as the Swiss Army Thingy) This unshapely thing (made of metal and wood Things - about the size of a Wand) can change shape and turn into a random weapon on the push of a button.
    When the button is pushed, roll a D20. The weapon turns into one of the following weapons:
    Needs moar Glaive-Guisarme-Voulge
    Guide to the Magus, the Pathfinder Gish class.

    "I would really like to see a game made by Obryn, Kurald Galain, and Knaight from these forums. I'm not joking one bit. I would buy the hell out of that." -- ChubbyRain
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  20. - Top - End - #200
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Needs moar Glaive-Guisarme-Voulge
    That would be the Thingy of Assorted Polearms.
    Sic Bisquitum Disintegratum - Thus Breaketh Ye Bisquit

  21. - Top - End - #201
    Troll in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Kurald Galain View Post
    Needs moar Glaive-Guisarme-Voulge
    Quote Originally Posted by Mrmox42 View Post
    That would be the Thingy of Assorted Polearms.
    Glaive, glaive-guisarme, voulge, guisarme-voulge, bill, bill-guisarme, ranseur, spetum, partisan, fauchard, hook fauchard, fauchard-fork, military fork, bardiche, awl pike, halberd, lucern hammer, bec de corbin, spear, long spear, trident, light/jousting/medium/heavy lance, mancatcher.

    Bohemian earspoon.
    Last edited by JAL_1138; 2015-03-29 at 10:06 AM. Reason: Typo in one of the many instances of "guisarme."

  22. - Top - End - #202
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Dec 2014

    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Wand of Fireball. This golden-brown wooden wand has intricate red carvings of flame curling up its length. It has three charges which replenish daily at dusk. Expending a charge causes 375 ml of cinnamon whisky to leak out of the wand's tip. Expending two charges causes 750 ml of whisky to appear, and using all three charges summons 1.75 liters. Every time all three charges are used, there is a five percent chance that the wand creates an actual fireball, as per the spell, centered on the user.

  23. - Top - End - #203
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Right...

    Thingy of Assorted Polearms: (also known as the Polearm Emporium Thingy) This unshapely thing (made of metal and wood Things - about the size of a Wand) can change shape and turn into a random polearm on the push of a button.
    When the button is pushed, roll a D20. The Thingy turns into one of the following polearms:

    1 - Glaive or Glaive-guisarme (roll 1D2 for type)
    2 - Voulge
    3 - Guisarme-voulge
    4 - Spetum
    5 - Bill or Bill-guisarme (roll 1D2 for type)
    6 - Partisan
    7 - Ranseur
    8 - Military fork
    9 - Morning Star
    10 - Fauchard, Hook fauchard or Fauchard-fork (roll 1D3 for type)
    11 - Lucern hammer
    12 - Halberd
    13 - Bec de corbin
    14 - Bardiche
    15 - Awl pike
    16 - Trident
    17 - Mancatcher
    18 - Spear or Long spear (roll 1D2 for type)
    19 - Lance (roll 1D4 for a Light/Jousting/Medium/Heavy Lance)
    20 - Greatclub

    The Thingy changes shape and functions as the polearm type for 2D6 rounds. It then reverts to it's Thingy shape Again, and is inert for 2D6 rounds. The button can then be pushed again.

    So there.
    Last edited by Mrmox42; 2015-03-29 at 09:45 AM.
    Sic Bisquitum Disintegratum - Thus Breaketh Ye Bisquit

  24. - Top - End - #204
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrmox42 View Post
    Right...

    Thingy of Assorted Polearms: (also known as the Polearm Emporium Thingy) This unshapely thing (made of metal and wood Things - about the size of a Wand) can change shape and turn into a random polearm on the push of a button.
    When the button is pushed, roll a D20. The Thingy turns into one of the following polearms:

    1 - Glaive or Glaive-guisarme (roll 1D2 for type)
    2 - Voulge
    3 - Guisarme-voulge
    4 - Spetum
    5 - Bill or Bill-guisarme (roll 1D2 for type)
    6 - Partisan
    7 - Ranseur
    8 - Military fork
    9 - Morning Star
    10 - Fauchard, Hook fauchard or Fauchard-fork (roll 1D3 for type)
    11 - Lucern hammer
    12 - Halberd
    13 - Bec de corbin
    14 - Bardiche
    15 - Awl pike
    16 - Trident
    17 - Mancatcher
    18 - Spear or Long spear (roll 1D2 for type)
    19 - Lance (roll 1D4 for a Light/Jousting/Medium/Heavy Lance)
    20 - Greatclub

    The Thingy changes shape and functions as the polearm type for 2D6 rounds. It then reverts to it's Thingy shape Again, and is inert for 2D6 rounds. The button can then be pushed again.

    So there.
    Needs more rhomphaia.
    Last edited by bloodshed343; 2015-03-29 at 10:31 AM.

  25. - Top - End - #205
    Troll in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by bloodshed343 View Post
    Needs more rhomphaia.
    +1.

    Also more Goedendag and Bohemian earspoon

  26. - Top - End - #206
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Feb 2013

    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Mobile Stones:

    These pocket-sized stones are incredibly interesting for some reason, and they compel their owners to ignore the world around them for long stretches of time to stare at the stones.

    Yew Tubes:

    For some inexplicable reason, anyone who looks through these hollow tubes of yew wood has visions of cats doing various humorous or adorable things.

  27. - Top - End - #207
    Troll in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Aug 2014

    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by bloodshed343 View Post
    Yew Tubes:

    For some inexplicable reason, anyone who looks through these hollow tubes of yew wood has visions of cats doing various humorous or adorable things.
    While regarded as an amusing distraction today, in ancient times these were torture devices used to terrify low-level wizards and commoners.

  28. - Top - End - #208
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Bohemian earspoon
    Ah yes, the Bohemian Earspoon. I always forget the Bohemian Earspoon. If only I had a penny for every time I forgot to put the Bohemian Earspoon into a list of random weaponry.
    Sic Bisquitum Disintegratum - Thus Breaketh Ye Bisquit

  29. - Top - End - #209
    Troll in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Aug 2014

    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrmox42 View Post
    Ah yes, the Bohemian Earspoon. I always forget the Bohemian Earspoon. If only I had a penny for every time I forgot to put the Bohemian Earspoon into a list of random weaponry.
    Despite the name, the weapon itself isn't very amusing. A broad spearhead with a couple of piercing spikes or small cutting edges underneath it to either side, mounted on a heavy spearhaft (sometimes further reinforced with langets), broadly similar to a ranseur or later-design partisan. Sort of a cross between a partisan and a lugged spear with sharpened lugs. Looked mean as heck.

  30. - Top - End - #210
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Feb 2013

    Default Re: List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

    Quote Originally Posted by JAL_1138 View Post
    While regarded as an amusing distraction today, in ancient times these were torture devices used to terrify low-level wizards and commoners.
    I laughed harder than I should.

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