Relationship Woes and Advice XXVI. Status: It's Complicated

[Aedilred]

Welcome to the Relationship Woes and Advice thread, home of any questions you may have: romantic or familial or friendship, we'll answer (or try to answer) them all. Eight years old and growing. This isn't a trade economy- feel free to ask if you have a question, even if you haven't ever given advice and don't intend to start. We won't stone you or ignore you or anything. All we ask is to know how a situation ends up, either in this thread or through a PM.

List of people with opened PM boxes:

-Asteron Questar
-Anyone else who wants to be added to the list


Here are the basics.

The biggest bit of advice I've seen bandied around is the truest- no matter what else is true about the situation, always be yourself. It's no good to act like someone else, because eventually the true you will come out and the other person will not be happy you hid that from them.

Rules Of Relationships:
#1- Communicate. If you can't talk with your partner, it's probably not going to work.

#2- Be yourself. Admittedly, if you have some really bad habits you should probably try to change them, but be honest about who you are. No one wants to find out they were loving a lie, and no one likes to live a lie (...well, normally).

#3- Accept your partner. In mine, and other people's, experience you have to be able to accept your partner as they are, because they probably won't be able to change. Also, don't change drastically for someone. I've tried it, my friends have tried it, it doesn't work and it doesn't end pretty.

#4- Hints. Do. Not. Work. Or they might, but the chance of that happening is limited. Some people are like me and just utterly oblivious unless it is blatantly stated, others are (also like me) and don't want to assume, and yet others don't care. You won't know which they belong to unless you actually spell out your intentions and/or feelings. I would consider this a corrolery to Rule #1 except that it comes up so often. Do NOT assume someone should know something from hints. Hints, by nature, are subtle. Clue Bats/Crow Bars/Mack Trucks are not. Try hitting them with one of those. ;) (No, not literally. I mean be upfront if you are trying to get someone to know something.)

#5- Don't be desperate. You don't need to be in a relationship and the healthiest mindset is one where you are happy as you are, even if you do not have a significant other. Don't stay in a relationship that isn't good if you aren't happy, just because you want someone. This is detrimental to both parties in the long (and sometimes short) run.

#6- Be a couple. Set aside some time every week to be together. Just an hour, if nothing else, where it's JUST you two. No computer, no others. Just the couple.

#6.5- Maintain the relationship. Ask your partner every now and then how they are feeling, if they feel like the relationship is still going in a good direction, etc. Also, make sure you don't hide it if you have an issue with your partner or a relationship. The only way it can change is if you talk about it.

#7- Let your boundaries be known. This goes for everything from intimacy to what you consider cheating to any other thing you can think of. Pretty much if it's something that would possibly upset you or your partner, let them know BEFORE a problem arises. An example would be letting your partner know you consider kissing cheating. They very well might think only intercourse is cheating. Having that known before anything potentially happens is a good thing.

#8- Know the signs of an abusive relationship. Both men and women can be abusers, and if you recognize the signs early on you are more likely to be able to get out of a bad situation before it gets out of hand. It's never easy, but if you know the general red flags, it can help you to avoid the situation.

A list - courtesy of Pheehelm

RULES. YOU READ THESE.
-Anything of a sexual nature, please PM to either myself or one of the regular advice givers. If you just want general opinions post something like: "I have this problem, but it is not board appropriate. Could one of you guys PM me?" I know from experience that you will in fact get help.

-KEEP IT NICE. Disagreements are bound to happen, but please don't be rude.

-Joking is all fun and games, within reasons. Please do not get derogatory.

-We are not allowed to dispense advice that should be handled by a professional, including psychological or medical advice.

I decided to put this up because, evidently, it was not apparent that these should be followed. I do not want this thread to be scrubbed again, and we were blessed to get it back.

So please - play nice, and if you're not comfortable talking about things over the open board, PM one of the regulars (too many to mention), and I'm sure they'll be willing to lend an ear - or if you're not sure who to PM, post asking for someone to PM you, and you'll soon get a response.

-Syka

Spoiler: Previous Threads

Show

-Relationship Woes and Advice 25: Now with extra Valentine
-Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vice versa.
-Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
-Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solution
-Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
-Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title
-Relationship Woes and Advice 19: Whatever Lola Wants.
-Relationship Woes and Advice 18: Finally Legal in Hollywood
-Relationship Woes and Advice 17: natural numbers
-Relationship Woes and Advice: Sweet Sixteen
-Relationship Woes and Advice: 15-Love
-Relationship Woes and Advice: A Sleepless Fortnight
-Relationship Woes and Advice: The Thirteenth Woerier
-In the 12th Relationship Woes and Advice Thread, my true friend gave to me...
-Relationship Woes and Advice - X (but not the factor)
-Relationship Woes and Advice, The Bridge Across Forever
-Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
-Relationship Woes and Advice, 2 cubed
-Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga
-Relationship Woes & Advice, Sex (6, you dirty minds!)
-Relationship Woes & Advice, Part V
-Relationship Woes and Advice, Part IV
-Relationships Woes & Advice III (Read First Post)
-Relationship Woes And Advice, Part Two (Read First Post)
-Relationship Woes and Advice (read the first post, please)
Yes, there is no thread 11, but there is 9.5. That's what makes it special.

We have a sister thread in Personal Woes and Advice, which is suited for any woes you may have with things unrelated to relationships.

[Coidzor]

6 years and what do you get? Hmm, no, probably wouldn't do to have a badly done reference to a song about coal mining and the labor movement.

I got nothing as far as title. 6 years, tho.

[Cyber Punk]

How about 'Answer Pending' for a title?

Or some sort of short sales pitch: 'Click here for Instant(-ish) Answer'

[Aedilred]

6 years and what do you get? Hmm, no, probably wouldn't do to have a badly done reference to a song about coal mining and the labor movement.

I got nothing as far as title. 6 years, tho.

It's actually closer to eight since the first thread: the count in the OP hadn't been updated for a few threads. Seven years and eleven months, which is close enough, I think.

[dehro]

Relationship status pending?
Apparently it's a thing on Facebook

[Xapi]

Relationship status pending?
Apparently it's a thing on Facebook

I'd spin that into: "Thread Status: It's complicated"

[Coidzor]

It's actually closer to eight since the first thread: the count in the OP hadn't been updated for a few threads. Seven years and eleven months, which is close enough, I think.

Hooray!

[Haluesen]

I'd spin that into: "Thread Status: It's complicated"

I like this one a lot. I'd second it.

[Cyber Punk]

I'd spin that into: "Thread Status: It's complicated"

Thirded! I like it, too!

[hawkboy772042]

I just went out on a date, but it's hard to really say how it went primarily because we were speaking to each other in a language (Hebrew) that I'm not fully fluent in as of yet. I didn't feel a connection for that reason, but it's also hard to know if it would've been stronger if we were both speaking the same language at the native level.

Should I ask her for second date or not bother?

[themaque]

I just went out on a date, but it's hard to really say how it went primarily because we were speaking to each other in a language (Hebrew) that I'm not fully fluent in as of yet. I didn't feel a connection for that reason, but it's also hard to know if it would've been stronger if we were both speaking the same language at the native level.

Should I ask her for second date or not bother?

I would say give it another try. Not force anything just see how things go knowing the difficulties. If you just end up as friends, fine, but a single false start isn't a sign that there is nothing there.

[Grytorm]

Hello again. I just want to share my frustration with loneliness. I have a crush who I have mentioned here before. And how I asked her out and she wasn't interested. And it is really difficult because I still have a crush on her and desire closeness, not anything vulgar necessarily, just closeness. And she let me hug her once, but anything seeking closeness feel inappropriate because she is not interested in dating. And I keep wishing I had tried rational counterarguments to her objections to dating. But that would have been foolish. Now so much later it would be rude. It is annoying.

[Cyber Punk]

First, let me say that I know how you feel, I'm giving this advice from experience. Some years back, that was me. Took me years for me to get over that, as I kept wishing and wishing. Back then I didn't realize that I was doing myself way more harm than good, as wishing kept me from moving on. Suffice to say, I was stuck in that state of mind for about 2 years. One day I realized what I was doing to myself and decided to move on.

Very recently, the same thing happened, but I learnt from my mistakes. After having my advances rejected, it didn't take me more than a week to move on. Why is that? Because I learnt from my experience and mistakes.

So my advice? Instead of wishing and wishing, use that as a lesson in experience. Next time, you make sure you're more prepared when you ask a girl out, and be prepared to hear the answer 'no'. And also, it's best you cut your losses and move on at this point. Continuing to think about what could have been would only hurt you, and your friendship with the girl.

To deal with loneliness, realize that you don't need a girlfriend to feel loved. Focusing on the fact that you don't have a girlfriend will only serve to make you feel lonelier. Focus on your friendships; surround yourself with close friends. Some may not agree with me, but I've found that relationships can potentially bloom from close friendships, either by dating a close friend or by dating a friend of a friend.

[Crow]

If you ask somebody out and they say no. Don't try to convince them otherwise, no matter how rational your arguments are.

There are plenty of other people out there.

[Cyber Punk]

Well, Crow's given you the short version of my post. Ish.

[Grytorm]

I have so few friends. I form fleeting friendships often, but they are so immaterial. And I know trying to be "rational" about dating is stupid. Mostly that post was venting.

There are so few people out there.

[themaque]

I have so few friends. I form fleeting friendships often, but they are so immaterial. And I know trying to be "rational" about dating is stupid. Mostly that post was venting.

There are so few people out there.

I don't know where you are, so I don't know your exact situation. If you're stuck in the middle of nowhere Alaska there might literally be no one there.

But even then, you are not as alone as you might think. There are people there and there are people HERE. It's not easy, but keep yourself open. Expand your horizons as to who you think you can talk with. You might be surprised how much you have in common with strangers.

You're as alone as you let yourself be. :-)

Now this isn't a sign to try and force something. People do come and go, but you WILL find that one person one day. :-)

[Gritmonger]

I'd also say that being comfortable with yourself is ultimately more important than finding somebody. I was a very late bloomer, and my one experience was ultimately marred by betrayal, deceit, and abuse.

Similar to the gamer saying, no relationship is better than a bad relationship.

[Thrawn4]

I'd also say that being comfortable with yourself is ultimately more important than finding somebody. I was a very late bloomer, and my one experience was ultimately marred by betrayal, deceit, and abuse.

Similar to the gamer saying, no relationship is better than a bad relationship.

So much this!

Also, we have a saying around here:
There are many mothers with pretty daughters.

[sktarq]

Also, we have a saying around here:
There are many mothers with pretty daughters.

I this a local version of there are many fish in the sea or something else?

[Coidzor]

I this a local version of there are many fish in the sea or something else?

That or people like to imitate Woody Allen...

[Deathslayer7]

I've posted on her once or twice previously and have always gotten truthful and honest advice, and that's what I'm in need of currently. So if you have time, read the spoiler below.

Spoiler

Show

I'm going to start from the beginning of the day. Before I do, I should mention that we recently got engaged (Feb) and moved in with my parents to help save money for a wedding.

Yesterday (Sunday), we both woke up and drove together to church. We were both on volunteering there from 9am-1pm. All goes well. We leave, and on the way home, I need to stop by a store. We have a little chat about whether or not if I take a highway entrance if there is an exit for this entrance.

The reason we made a wager, is because we the exit we needed to take is less than 1/2 mile away from where we are entering and we are unsure. So I bet a lunch of my choosing with no complaints from her, she bets no nagging from me. I think this stemmed from Saturday (when I asked her to clean her room multiple times, and it took her 5 hours to do it). Anyway, turns out she was right and there is an exit. The reason I mention this specifically is because it comes up later. Fine by me. I won't nag her.

We go get lunch and go home. I usually do D&D things with my group every Sunday at 4-9PM (local time) once a week over Skype. She knows this, and this has been going on for over a year now. Nothing bad happens from 4-9PM, and I finish around 9:10PM. She comes into my room and we start chatting.

I forget when but at this point I noticed she pulled out some amoxicillin (a drug used to treat infections caused by bacteria that was issued to me). She's been feeling under the weather most likely due to sinus infection or something similar. I ask her if its safe to use the amoxicillin, and google it just to be sure. Sure enough it says and I quote "amoxicillin is generally used to treat sinus infections." I agree and let it drop, but then this happened.

My fiancee flipped out on me and said I second guess her on everything. And points out today's car ride earlier as an example and demands an apology from me. I don't feel like I owe her an apology and tell her as much and we have several more fights. Frankly, I was half tempted to leave during these fights because it always seems like she makes me to be at fault and whatnot. I wanted to leave, but she asked me to stay to finish. I stayed.

Now, here comes the kicker. Her sister called asking for an emergency vet. They came home to find blood on the floor and one of the dogs had blood by his anus. So she gave them a place. She gets sporadic texts saying that the dog is most likely not going to make it. They took it in to the vet a week earlier and they thought it was some minor stomach problems and told them to change the food (or something along those lines). Apparently it was a bit more serious as he had an intestinal infection.

I try to comfort her (physically), and at this point we are still trying to communicate to each other when she gets up to leave. I ask her to stay but she doesn't and goes to the bathroom to cry. More about the dog than about us I believe. The reason I'm hurt is because when I wanted to leave and she asked me to stay, I did. But when the situation turned around, she left. She came back about 5 minutes later, got dressed and left to go be with her sister and the dieing dog.

They did put the dog down about an hour later, but I'm still hurt. I understand going to be there for your sister and all that. I even asked if she wanted me to go with her to which she said "if you want too". I just feel like I want the same courtesy I gave her (of trying to communicate and finish the conversation because we were having problems) and I didn't even get that. But then I think, well her sister's dog is dieing currently, of course she wants to go there.

I think the fat that I'm hung up on is more the fact that she left the room rather than she went to go to her sister.

Any thoughts appreciated.

edit: I just tried to talk to her this morning. I asked her how she was and if her sister is ok. I got silence back in return.

[Aedilred]

I've posted on her once or twice previously and have always gotten truthful and honest advice, and that's what I'm in need of currently. So if you have time, read the spoiler below.

Hmm. It sounds like there are a couple of things going on here and to be honest I'm a terrible communicator in relationships so take my advice with a pinch of salt.

Initially you made the bet over the exit and she requested "no nagging from you". This in itself suggests that she feels you nag her a lot, or at least enough that it's annoying, and it's preying on her mind. Now, regardless of whether you actually do or indeed whether you feel she needs nagging in order to get stuff done, that's not a great impression for your partner to have of you. Then you didn't actually keep to your end of the bargain, by nagging her about the amoxicillin, and that annoyed her.

About whether the apparent double standard about your leaving/her leaving was fair, I think there is certainly a difference in magnitude of circumstance. The initial argument was over something which on the face of it was relatively trivial (your apparent nagging of her) while the latter one was over something which was actually something of an emergency. The former is difficult emotionally by context, because arguments with a partner often are, but the latter is going to be difficult emotionally because of its nature. It's not directly comparable because there was actually a need and urgency to her leaving, whereas in your case it was just wanting to get away and you didn't have anywhere else to be.

I'm inclined to say that it's up to each party in any case over whether or not they want to stick out an argument or go and get some time out before returning, whether they come back after some reflection and apologise, or whether they want to continue the discussion in a calmer state more removed from the initial cause. This shouldn't be used as an excuse for avoiding difficult issues or ignoring your partner's feelings, but maintaining a grudge because you stayed when you didn't want to and she didn't is at least in part projecting your regrets over your own decision onto her. Trying to keep score in that sense just leads to annoyance and guilt and isn't good for anybody. Next time you think you need to take some time out from an argument, just say so and leave for a few minutes. Just make sure you come back once you've calmed down and/or marshalled your thoughts a bit better, and return with resolution in mind rather than escalation - and don't use it as an excuse to leave arguments frozen for hours or even days by walking out every time things get difficult.

It does seem like you need to have a proper discussion about the degree to which you interfere in her affairs and question her (whether it's called nagging, second-guessing, or whatever) because it seems to be preying on her mind. Even if everything you say is justified, she may feel pressured and therefore stressed if you seem to be nagging her about trivial things. Equally, you may feel that she needs someone to do that a bit to keep her affairs in order. It may well be that there is no right answer and both of you have valid points, so coming to a compromise is probably essential.

I would suggest raising this issue yourself, rather than waiting for her to complain again and starting the argument on a fraught basis. It might be that you agree to let some things slide, such as the state of her room: she is after all an adult and that is to an extent from what I understand (currently) her own space, and therefore not your business. She may feel similarly about her decision to take off-prescription drugs to deal with minor medical issues: it's a decision she is capable of making for herself. On the other hand, you probably feel that what happens to her is of importance to you and therefore is your business. It's where that line is drawn that is the question. You do make it sound like she is not very organised and needs someone to chivvy her along, but perhaps she is actually managing fine and your input comes across as patronising and officious (and on two of the instances you mention, it turns out that she was actually broadly speaking in the right all along). It could be that she knows she's a bit rubbish about such things and doesn't like being constantly reminded. Or perhaps you just have different expectations of what is a reasonable state of affairs. You probably will not ever get it quite right but if you agree broad areas where she will accept your input and you agree to ignore others, you can hopefully keep resulting friction to a minimum; in order for that to happen you really need to talk about it with her.

I suspect living with your parents doesn't help, either. That tends to make everything more fraught and exaggerate even minor problems in a relationship, no matter how accommodating and understanding said parents are. It's worth bearing that in mind.

[dehro]

Honestly, a number of red flags have risen in my mind. My impressions may be completely off target, I don't know you to make more than a mildly educated guess.
It seems to me the two of you are transmitting on different wavelengths.
You don't comunicate very well and seem rather confrontational (I'd lay off the wagers, especially if they contain elements of contention. Really, no nagging? That should have made you think a little)
Living at your parents' can't help either, as the impending marriage, which can add pressure. Then of course having a family member in distress may well be the wrong moment to look for problems In your relationship, because that too may affect ones communication patterns.
That said, it seems to me that you really should have a few good conversations to sort out your differences, your expectations and find ways to compromise on things that clearly bother you both.
Is this the first time you live together?

[Coidzor]

I've posted on her once or twice previously and have always gotten truthful and honest advice, and that's what I'm in need of currently. So if you have time, read the spoiler below.

Spoiler

Show

I'm going to start from the beginning of the day. Before I do, I should mention that we recently got engaged (Feb) and moved in with my parents to help save money for a wedding.

Yesterday (Sunday), we both woke up and drove together to church. We were both on volunteering there from 9am-1pm. All goes well. We leave, and on the way home, I need to stop by a store. We have a little chat about whether or not if I take a highway entrance if there is an exit for this entrance.

The reason we made a wager, is because we the exit we needed to take is less than 1/2 mile away from where we are entering and we are unsure. So I bet a lunch of my choosing with no complaints from her, she bets no nagging from me. I think this stemmed from Saturday (when I asked her to clean her room multiple times, and it took her 5 hours to do it). Anyway, turns out she was right and there is an exit. The reason I mention this specifically is because it comes up later. Fine by me. I won't nag her.

We go get lunch and go home. I usually do D&D things with my group every Sunday at 4-9PM (local time) once a week over Skype. She knows this, and this has been going on for over a year now. Nothing bad happens from 4-9PM, and I finish around 9:10PM. She comes into my room and we start chatting.

I forget when but at this point I noticed she pulled out some amoxicillin (a drug used to treat infections caused by bacteria that was issued to me). She's been feeling under the weather most likely due to sinus infection or something similar. I ask her if its safe to use the amoxicillin, and google it just to be sure. Sure enough it says and I quote "amoxicillin is generally used to treat sinus infections." I agree and let it drop, but then this happened.

My fiancee flipped out on me and said I second guess her on everything. And points out today's car ride earlier as an example and demands an apology from me. I don't feel like I owe her an apology and tell her as much and we have several more fights. Frankly, I was half tempted to leave during these fights because it always seems like she makes me to be at fault and whatnot. I wanted to leave, but she asked me to stay to finish. I stayed.

Now, here comes the kicker. Her sister called asking for an emergency vet. They came home to find blood on the floor and one of the dogs had blood by his anus. So she gave them a place. She gets sporadic texts saying that the dog is most likely not going to make it. They took it in to the vet a week earlier and they thought it was some minor stomach problems and told them to change the food (or something along those lines). Apparently it was a bit more serious as he had an intestinal infection.

I try to comfort her (physically), and at this point we are still trying to communicate to each other when she gets up to leave. I ask her to stay but she doesn't and goes to the bathroom to cry. More about the dog than about us I believe. The reason I'm hurt is because when I wanted to leave and she asked me to stay, I did. But when the situation turned around, she left. She came back about 5 minutes later, got dressed and left to go be with her sister and the dieing dog.

They did put the dog down about an hour later, but I'm still hurt. I understand going to be there for your sister and all that. I even asked if she wanted me to go with her to which she said "if you want too". I just feel like I want the same courtesy I gave her (of trying to communicate and finish the conversation because we were having problems) and I didn't even get that. But then I think, well her sister's dog is dieing currently, of course she wants to go there.

I think the fat that I'm hung up on is more the fact that she left the room rather than she went to go to her sister.

Any thoughts appreciated.

edit: I just tried to talk to her this morning. I asked her how she was and if her sister is ok. I got silence back in return.

Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that you're generally not supposed to just keep unused antibiotics around the house because they do expire and that whole antibiotic resistance thing that taking a partial course of antibiotics encourages.

The second thing that comes to mind is that you don't seem to be particularly prepared for marrying one another at this point in time. Nagging? Being unable to take a 10 minute break when you've apparently had not one, not two, but several fights in a short span of time? Something is clearly off-kilter in your communications.

The third thing that comes to mind is that, yeah, if she asks you to stop nagging her as part of a bet, there's some kind of deeper issue in terms of how you communicate here, possibly related to how she doesn't feel like she has any space of her own what with living together in your parents' house. But apparently in separate rooms, too, though it sounds like you might as well not be if you're policing her room in addition to your own.

The fourth thing that comes to mind is just what sort of grandiose wedding do you have planned that you're living with your parents to save up just to blow on the wedding. Is your fiance building up unrealistic and unhealthy expectations about the wedding instead of, y'know, the marriage that's supposed to come after? Are you? Bridezillaing, even on the part of the groom, typically bodes ill for the relationship after the wedding.

[Cyber Punk]

So this is more of a rant, but I'd like very much to hear thoughts/advice.

There's this girl I've known for about 2 years. We became fast friends and eventually, best friends. I'd asked her out once and she'd said no, and eventually I moved on and we became stronger friends.

Come the ending of last session, she started dating a guy in our class, a mutual friend. All was well and good, and nothing changed much. Not until the beginning of this school year.

I deferred a semester and am not doing classes with my mates until next semester. Still, I make sure to visit the class and my friends after hours. I'd noticed that the girl and I had become increasingly distant, but it never dawned on me just how much... not until a few days ago.

To be clear, I made sure to give her and her boyfriend their space.

I can't blame her for wanting to spend more time with her boyfriend, but it seems our friendship is paying the price. Her words insist that it's all in my head, but I know what I see, and her actions say otherwise. To elaborate, we don't get to spend as much time together, when we do get time together we act less like best friends and more like mere acquaintances. I'm even losing the desire to keep the fire of the friendship burning, so to speak! Since realizing it, I've started to resent the both of them for it.

Thoughts? I'm trying to be objective about this, I dislike jumping to conclusions.

[Crow]

So this is more of a rant, but I'd like very much to hear thoughts/advice.

There's this girl I've known for about 2 years. We became fast friends and eventually, best friends. I'd asked her out once and she'd said no, and eventually I moved on and we became stronger friends.

Come the ending of last session, she started dating a guy in our class, a mutual friend. All was well and good, and nothing changed much. Not until the beginning of this school year.

I deferred a semester and am not doing classes with my mates until next semester. Still, I make sure to visit the class and my friends after hours. I'd noticed that the girl and I had become increasingly distant, but it never dawned on me just how much... not until a few days ago.

To be clear, I made sure to give her and her boyfriend their space.

I can't blame her for wanting to spend more time with her boyfriend, but it seems our friendship is paying the price. Her words insist that it's all in my head, but I know what I see, and her actions say otherwise. To elaborate, we don't get to spend as much time together, when we do get time together we act less like best friends and more like mere acquaintances. I'm even losing the desire to keep the fire of the friendship burning, so to speak! Since realizing it, I've started to resent the both of them for it.

Thoughts? I'm trying to be objective about this, I dislike jumping to conclusions.

This is a classic example of the "friends budget" that I and a few others were citing in the last thread. When you are dating or getting into a serious relationship, a lot of the time you would normally have been hanging out with your besties turns into time you are spending with your (prospective) significant other.

This was brought up in response to accusations of men disappearing from a woman's life after finding out she wasn't interested in a relationship. My case was that it wasn't that the guy didn't want to be friends with her, but that she was receiving the exact same treatment that all of that guy's existing friends were getting while he was pursuing her.

To bring this back around, I suspect you are reading into this a little too much. Unless you become close friends with her new boyfriend and you guys hang out all the time, things are going to be different than they were. I just hope you have actually moved on like you said you did. It seems like maybe a part of you didn't. Though it could be something entirely different too; Perhaps she has been merely annoyed by something that you are doing?

In either case, I would just give her lots of space. If she's your friend you guys will still get on well when you do hang out, even (or especially even) if you guys haven't been hanging out as much as you did in the past.

[Cyber Punk]

I suspect you are reading into this a little too much. Unless you become close friends with her new boyfriend and you guys hang out all the time, things are going to be different than they were. I just hope you have actually moved on like you said you did. It seems like maybe a part of you didn't.

I'm sorry if I didn't make it clear, but the guy and I have always been close friends. In fact, these days I hang out with the guy more than I do the girl. I'm sure I've moved on, I wasn't interested in a relationship before she came around, and I'm still not interested in a relationship with her or anybody else at this point in time.

My main gripe, so to speak, is the fact that there's nothing that's changed between me and the guy (we're still close and all, while things have changed between me and the girl.

[Crow]

I'm sorry if I didn't make it clear, but the guy and I have always been close friends. In fact, these days I hang out with the guy more than I do the girl. I'm sure I've moved on, I wasn't interested in a relationship before she came around, and I'm still not interested in a relationship with her or anybody else at this point in time.

My main gripe, so to speak, is the fact that there's nothing that's changed between me and the guy (we're still close and all, while things have changed between me and the girl.

Sorry, you just said a mutual friend. I had no idea how close that friendship was.

Maybe she is feeling a little resentment when it comes to how much time you and he hang out then. What does he think/say?

[Cyber Punk]

Well, I don't know what he thinks. He doesn't seem to mind, though he's (understandably) protective of her. I've not spoken to him about it, like I said, I noticed this only recently.