Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition III: Now with 50% more DigoDragon

[Ionbound]

"As the red-aligned tank, it is my job to facecheck anything that might be dangerous."

[DigoDragon]

GM: “So, thought experiment; how does Moonshadow think her three new pretty pegasus friends would do in the Enclave? In broad terms.”
Doc: “I'm assuming you've included Noise in that?”
GM: “Well, three new friends. Unless Doc has a terrible secret, the math checks out.”
Doc: “You said pretty pegasus friends, so Doc was not on my list of guesses for pony #3.”
Moon: “I was assuming Noise was number 3 as well from pretty pegasus. So Doc: Falls to his death cause he can't walk on clouds.”
Doc: “Pretty much! I'd imagine that during the fall he'd wonder why he was up there to begin with.”

Moon: “I get the feeling that if he hadn't we'd have had a hilarious three way—”
Viridia: “OH-”
Moon: “—sneak into and murder Snow situation happen, with only Stellar actually giving her a chance at a trial.”
Viridia: “Oh.”

Viridia: “Fun fact: It's been a whole thread since we killed Snow's final form.”
Doc: “Huh, guess we need to step up our game and do some more killing before this thread ends.”
GM: “And now my rampage begins.”

Moon: “Also, I think we should feed the donkey to Iris.”
Viridia: “Even better: Feed everyone to Iris. That way, she'll get more powerful!”
Moon: “No, we can't let her get a taste for pony blood!”
Viridia: “Are you sure? We can just point her at Tauronto and all the problems will be solved.”
Moon: “My problem of being poor won't be solved.”

Stellar: “Frankly the only foes who should be immune to her are the deaf, the insane, and the non-sapient.”

Viridia: “I have more sincerity when I accidentally bite my tongue than she did in that whole conversation.”

Fascine: “Where the hell is Snow?”
Moon: “Snow went psycho, and tried to kill everypony. Tirkes labeled her a traitor and we took her down.”
Stellar: “We have a dragon by the way. Just so you know.”

Moon: “Well, I guess it was a good call because now we've got pirates.”
Doc: “Pirates Pillage, Everyone Dies?”

Viridia: “They should have been coated in titanium. One that negates enchanted blades. And gives the wearer an orgasm whenever they might be hurt.”

Andante: “Your mare's upstairs, playing with little Seaweed. I'd go up and see her one last time, before all this pirate nonsense gets us all hung.”
Doc: “I blink, stunned. I’m not expecting Andante to describe Mirror like that.”
GM: “Andante Shine, shipping master!”

Fascine: “The inn's a big trap. Add'n a few more guns to it won't do diddly squat. See, Salt Marsh knows what's up.”
Doc: “Wait a sec... If the inn is a trap, and Salt Marsh knows what's up... why did he send me there?”

GM: “Doc's aim was impressive! The lake didn't know what hit it!”

Colt: “You going to drink that?”
Doc: “Sorry kid, this fireball's for our guests.” (Lights Molotov)

[Sith_Happens]

Moon: “My problem of being poor won't be solved.”

One word: looting.

[TheHoodedTeddy]

(Not quite from the session, but my friend bringing me up to speed on the part that I missed)
Me: So the one time I decide to not go to the bar with you to keep you out of trouble, you get yourselves mind controlled?
P2: See what I mean? Its much more fun without you!

(Now from actual session)

Sketchy Wizard NPC: What a magnificent vessel! Is that the hatch?
Me: Yes! (OOC:) He was pointing at the hatch, right?... Ok good, because it would be weird if he started trying to go in through a skylight.

Rogue: *Walks into bar.* How rich are the people in this bar?
Me: So we're deciding where to drink based upon how much you'll be able to pickpocket?
Rogue: You expected any less?
Me: I'm not lowering the bar for you... No pun intended.

Me: I field strip my arm.

[OctoberRaven]

Vertman: "I cast Vicious Mockery"
Matilda's Player: "'Yo momma's so fat, they call her a Will O'Whale'"
------
Matilda's Player: "What would that even be called, a Dwelf?"

[d13]

Bard: "I grab the old lady's balls and start juggling them around, while the rest feast with the dogs!"

Context (or the lack of it) makes stuff very beautiful.

[the OOD]

Player 1: I spin in a circle, fireing my assault rife the ninjas.
GM: what ninjas?
Player 1: I can't see them, but I know that they're there.
GM: *sigh* fine.
Player 1: *rolls*
GM: five ninja corpses hit the floor.

Player 3: ceiling velociraptor is watching me.
GM: no, no, ceiling velociraptor is droping on you.
Player 3: damnit, ceiling velociraptor!

Player 3: ...but what you fail to realize is that I'm dragging a flaming gelatinous cube!

Player 3: *crawls out from under corpse* what did I miss?
GM: you see a brontosaurus with a pair of velociraptors duct-taped to either side of it's upper neck.
Player 3:

GM: you can either fail the roll, or eat a stick of bubble gum

GM: you have an arsenal of 30 augmented roombas, with weapons randomly determined when it becomes relevant.
[...]
GM: the doomba is armed with...
GM: *rolls*
GM: ... R.O.V.E.R strapped to it's chassis.
All Players: O.O

Player 3: don't think about kittens.
Player 4: don't.
GM: no really, don't.
Player 3: actually, if you are in a tight spot, think about kittys and all your problems will go away.
Player 2: umm... what?
GM: Just relax, It's nothing to worry about.

GM: so you're driving a tank, strapped to the decapitated neck of an enemy mecha, witch you are controlling via an ethernet cable connected to a realdoll in the cockpit.

GM: the SWAT officer throws a coukoo strapped to a piece of c4 into your tank.
Player 3: GRENADE! Everybody Out!

[Inevitability]

Me: 'Blood' is not a color.

[Sith_Happens]

GM: the SWAT officer throws a coukoo strapped to a piece of c4 into your tank.
Player 3: GRENADE! Everybody Out!

[DigoDragon]

Viridia: “My rhymes are so potent that in this small segment, I made all of the ladies in the first two threads pregnant.”

GM: “Rolls for Doc's 'friend', Shooty Mcgee. Needs to be under 40 to hit.”
Shooty Mcgee: *Shoots Doc thrice in the chest, two critical hits*
Doc: “So THAT is where all of Stellar's good rolls went to.”
GM: “The power of friendship always hurts when it's used against you.”
Doc: “That was 141 damage dealt after armor. Doc does not have the hit points to soak all that!”
GM: “Doc, you act like suddenly being down from the count is a bad thing for a roleplay.”
Doc: “Well, with Doc being as horribly torn up as he is after a bad combat performance due to dice rolls and now effectively out of the fight at -61 hit points, I thought that his feelings of being useless was a decently valid response, all things considered.”

Viridia: “For the record, I'm betting that shape is the HipHopopotamus.”
Stellar: “Just as long as it's not the Rhymnocerous.”

GM: “All this fight needed was a lake serpent to show up and it'll be a metal album cover.”

Viridia: “There are two ways this ends. You turn around, lay down on that beach, and wait for a merciful judgment. Or...” (Tosses a junk rifle into the air, then slashes it in half with her Blueblood Blade) “…You end up taking a long rest in a shallow grave, just like the rest of your kind. What’ll it be?”

Moon: “I look around for Doc, expecting to see him helping the injured ponies.”
Doc: “Expectation broken in 3... 2... 1...”

Moon: “Hey, have you seen Doc around? Err, he's an Earth Pony, kinda cute if you're into the nerdy doctor type, tends to get himself into a bit more trouble than he can handle?”
Doc: *Eyebrow wiggle*
Andante Shine: “He got three bullets to the chest. He's laid out in my private quarters, for the privacy.”
[Beat]
Andante: “He's alive. I put him on a mix of Hydra, Med-X, and a few painkillers, so he's going to have to lay around a bit before he's up and talking.”
Moon: “Aw, ****. I know he had some healing potions on him. Did you give him one of those to get him back on his hooves?”
Doc: “What Andante just gave Doc was... I don't even. Hydra cures crippled limbs, Med-X is a painkiller, and then more painkillers on top of that? Welcome to Vicodin Land.”
Viridia: “Don't be so harsh on her. She had to use Med-X, because there weren't any leeches left.”

GM: “Yes, it is visibly the hippo, walking on the bottom of the lake.”
Viridia: “Y'all'd best pick up that phone, because I called it!”
Doc: “To a HipHop ringtone no less. Well at least if the ship sinks, nothing important is hurt.”

Doc: “What, no dream post or anything?”
GM: “If every near-death experience involved a prophetic dream, everyone and their mother in the wasteland would have some nugget of supernatural wisdom. Naw, Doc just has to answer the question before he can go on!”
Question: “Continue? Y/N”
Doc: “Of course YES!”

Viridia: “Hey, Brutus. Nice work with the ship! Do you think you're a bad enough dude to catch that pirate over there?”

Moon: “Is Doc alive?”
Doc: “I thought he was and will have some odd dream or something.”
GM: “He is! Something to keep him mentally occupied, as his brain slowly cools inside his skull or whoever's patching him up gets him back into working order.”
Doc: “I'm hoping the latter. I'd like him to be able to have a second chance to do something heroic. There's also the matter of him likely being the most skilled doctor in the entire town to put everyone else back together.”

[bulbaquil]

P5: "We want [P1] to carry an armored refrigerator on his back."

GM: "You see what appears to be a swarm of lidless eyeballs, on fire."
P1: "It's the Neversoft logo!"
P3: "NOOOO!"

P2: "The shark leans mildly neutral."
P5: "So it's a neutral shark, it doesn't care?"
GM: "Tell my shark wife I said hello."

P3: "But the other [summoned] eel died."
P4: "It went back to Eel-topia."
GM: "Eel-sgard."
P3: "Eel-ysium."

P5: "He speaks silently in his native tongue, 'I need to pee.'"
P1: "I was going to go with 'Yolo', but..."

[goto124]

Poor Doc 0-0

I'll send flowers a get-well card to him!

[Sith_Happens]

Moon: “Hey, have you seen Doc around? Err, he's an Earth Pony, kinda cute if you're into the nerdy doctor type, tends to get himself into a bit more trouble than he can handle?”
Doc: *Eyebrow wiggle*
Andante Shine: “He got three bullets to the chest. He's laid out in my private quarters, for the privacy.”
[Beat]
Andante: “He's alive. I put him on a mix of Hydra, Med-X, and a few painkillers, so he's going to have to lay around a bit before he's up and talking.”
Moon: “Aw, ****. I know he had some healing potions on him. Did you give him one of those to get him back on his hooves?”
Doc: “What Andante just gave Doc was... I don't even. Hydra cures crippled limbs, Med-X is a painkiller, and then more painkillers on top of that? Welcome to Vicodin Land.”
Viridia: “Don't be so harsh on her. She had to use Med-X, because there weren't any leeches left.”

Wait, is Andante the NPC I think it is?

*checks upthread*

It is.

[



intensifies]

[goto124]

And now it's even more complicated because Andante helped Doc with a sticky life-and-death situation!

...who's patching Doc up...?

[Necroticplague]

Shibu Prime+Delta:Wait, this isn't what it looks like!
Gene: Do you even know what this looks like to me?
Shibu Prime: Errrrr..........
Shibu Delta: Actually, not really.
Gene:Because it looked like you were screwing around with your ability to add and remove mutations radiation manipulations, when you accidentally cloned yourself. Then, one of you removed their hermaphroditism, and you've since been making out with yourself for quite a while, since neither of you need to sleep.
Shibu Prime: Oh. In that case, this is exactly what it looks like.

[chainer1216]

Dread Necromancer: "Crab-Ramp down!"

[DigoDragon]

Poor Doc 0-0
I'll send flowers a get-well card to him!

I honestly had an internal freak-out cause I thought Doc was as good as dead and I really gotten attached to him. ^^;
Luckily death isn't immediate and there were some NPCs nearby that saved him. Though sending flowers might help. He could use a good meal.

Wait, is Andante the NPC I think it is?
*checks upthread*

It is. [intensifies]

Can you let me in on this? I might have missed the connection if she's from somewhere outside the game.

And now it's even more complicated because Andante helped Doc with a sticky life-and-death situation!
...who's patching Doc up...?

Yeah, I definitely missed something with Andante.

As far as patching up Doc, err... basically Andante pumped him full of various meds and then left him alone. So... no one really.

[Senshi Akai]

Bard: "I grab the old lady's balls and start juggling them around, while the rest feast with the dogs!"

Wait... But... That doesn't... What the...


New campaign, new quotes.

Spoiler: Optional fun

Show

Also, for extra fun, the catfolk has a strong khajit accent (from Skyrim; really hard to fake in portuguese, if anyone want to know), and the crusader speaks like Johnson from Halo.

Crusader: So, what is your name?
Catfolk: Terhirr.
Crusader: And what does it mean?
Catfolk: … Terhirr.
Crusader: But don't you people have names with special meanings?
Catfolk: Your kin do not? Terhirr thinks that this is sad.

DM: Are you looting everything?
Crusader: Pretty much.
Rogue: Including the crops.
Barbarian: And the foundations of the house, if possible.
DM: Okay, are you leaving anything at all?
Catfolk: Sure, Terhirr will leave their skin intact.

DM: There are some fights and bets going on in the tavern.
Barbarian: Fight club!
DM: No, it is not...
Barbarian: FIGHT CLUB!

*party trying to hide, Crusader fails miserably*
Guards: What was that? I think it came from there!
Catfolk: Look, do not take this personal. Terhirr likes you a lot. *pushes Crusader against guards*
Crusader: … How ya doing?

Catfolk: Others claim to be as good as Terhirr, but they cannot be as charming as he. Thus, Terhirr always comes out on top.
*scores trip natural 20*
Catfolk: Also, Terhirr is VERY good!

Crusader: Looks like we have some dragons to hunt.
Catfolk: Terhirr has seen dragons. Perhaps you will see a dragon. Terhirr won't say where he saw one. Perhaps he did not.
DM: Please, stop quoting M'aiq the Liar.

[Beige]

Yeah, I definitely missed something with Andante.

quite a few of the older quotes implied andante was putting the moves onto poor, sweet, passivly-evil Mirror, which implies she may be an enemy/rival of doc's.

As far as patching up Doc, err... basically Andante pumped him full of various meds and then left him alone. So... no one really.

so she basicly works for the NHS then?

[goto124]

quite a few of the older quotes implied andante was putting the moves onto poor, sweet, passivly-evil Mirror, which implies she may be an enemy/rival of doc's.

-starts checking to see if Andante is male or female-

[DigoDragon]

quite a few of the older quotes implied andante was putting the moves onto poor, sweet, passivly-evil Mirror, which implies she may be an enemy/rival of doc's.

Oh! I see what everyone means now. Derp.

My assumption for why Andante patched Doc up was that she finds him a useful pawn towards her end game. And indeed, some of Doc's short-term goals align with Andante's so those two could work well together. Though it would be amusing if Andante actually wants Doc and was being close to Mirror in order to plot her demise. Or Maybe Andante is just greedy and wants them both.

so she basicly works for the NHS then?

*Snerk*

Also, for extra fun, the catfolk has a strong khajit accent (from Skyrim; really hard to fake in portuguese, if anyone want to know)

I can sort of picture it in Spanish... but... doesn't seem easy no.

-starts checking to see if Andante is male or female-

Female.

[Cristo Meyers]

As far as patching up Doc, err... basically Andante pumped him full of various meds and then left him alone. So... no one really.

so she basicly works for the NHS then?

Heck, by Fallout standards that's Dr. House-level of care.

[Beige]

Doc is just irresistible to the (potentially) evil unicorns

[Inevitability]

Me: And so, we all re-enter the Age of Backstab.

Wizard: Behold my plan to get an AWESOME NIGHTMARE MOUNT by sacrificing the BBEG!
Me: You have a paladin in the party who will almost definitely not allow you to summon a being of pure evil.
Wizard: ...Behold my plan to get an AWESOME NIGHTMARE MOUNT by sacrificing the paladin!

Me: At the moment, you are fighting a vampire T-Rex and his halfling vampire master on the back of a black dragon attacking the vampire's airship, while the other half of the party is mopping up skeletal parachutists in the courtyard of a lizardfolk castle besieged by warforged. The scariest part is that this makes perfect sense in context.

[Hunter Noventa]

Wizard: Behold my plan to get an AWESOME NIGHTMARE MOUNT by sacrificing the BBEG!
Me: You have a paladin in the party who will almost definitely not allow you to summon a being of pure evil.
Wizard: ...Behold my plan to get an AWESOME NIGHTMARE MOUNT by sacrificing the paladin!

This is why I look forward to there being an Anti-Paladin in my next campaign.

[Joe the Rat]

Gnome Cleric: Um, Guys? I think there's something big swimming under the boat.

[beat]

[Gnome Cleric goes flying overboard with a rope tied to his ankle]

Gnome Cleric: I HATE YOU ALLbrlugbbblubbble!

[Yukitsu]

Me: I think this person I kidnapped has Stockholm Syndrome. She's possessive and clingy and won't let me go out of the house without her now. But suddenly I'm starting to find those traits oddly endearing...
Shrink: OK, stop right there for a moment...

Me: This is probably just going to be data gathering, I find our mark's daily pattern, what classes she has, what clubs etc.
-later-
Me: OK, well, I didn't expect things to be going quite this well, I was not prepared for this level of success. Let me just think about it, since I figured the school would be on fire, the mark would be half dead and I'd be running from an elite security squad.

Me: But I'm not trying to seduce anyone.
DM: Well, whatever you're not doing it's working.

Me: I kind of didn't plan on this job going down the road it's going, but when life gives you lemons.
DM: So is that what we're calling them now.

[goto124]

Wizard: Behold my plan to get an AWESOME NIGHTMARE MOUNT by sacrificing the BBEG!
Me: You have a paladin in the party who will almost definitely not allow you to summon a being of pure evil.
Wizard: ...Behold my plan to get an AWESOME NIGHTMARE MOUNT by sacrificing the paladin!

What did the paladin say? Is he/she a PC or NPC?

-still wondering if the paladin was male or female-

[Inevitability]

What did the paladin say? Is he/she a PC or NPC?

PC, and it was a (half-serious) conversation in between two sessions so the paladin wasn't there.

[DigoDragon]

Doc: “Since Doc has been having a lot of these bad dreams, is there a chance he can attempt to realize he's dreaming? Maybe snap out of it?”
Viridia: “No kidding. He's had two ‘normal’ nightmares, one Snow-nightmare, and now a dying dream. All in two days.”
Doc: “Also the ‘daymare’ he had from that shrine he found at the beach with Seaweed. How does this stallion remain so positive and determined?”
Viridia: “Drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.”
Doc: “Apparently! ...except he doesn't take any.”
Viridia: “Take, no. Use on patients, yes.”
Doc: “So Doc gets high by proxy?”

Viridia: “New IC time?”
Doc: “Probably. We could help the GM speed things along by thinking up a name for it.”
Viridia: “Tarts and Tribulations?”
Doc: “I blame Monty Python for my inability to interpret Tarts as the pastry on the first try.”

Stellar: “Did we even get any shortcake?”
Doc: “I was shot, caked in blood, so... guess there was a typo in the thread title somewhere.”

Doc: “Alright, let's find who I gotta murder to get back. Cause it’s happening!”

GM: “And then he woke up, in a dark room with a candle burning, feeling really high.”
Doc: (Waving a hoof in front of his nose) “Hey... I could really use some munchies.”

GM: “Purplecicle garage fox xylophones! All hard every-turtles are gilded sands! Black stars, she robes! Very good tiny bird, scented candles!”

Doc: (Knocking on a door) “Help? Please assist? Ketchup?”

Shade: “You poor, tired creature. Do you need help?”
Doc: “Yeah. I... I think I died and went to the future. But now I'm here, though I'm not sure where 'here' is. And the ceiling's all... so very high.”

Doc: (Leans on Shade) “I'm sorry... don't mean to lean against... Ursa Major there. Your stars are pretty today.”
Shade: (Who’s much smaller than Doc) “Stars and moon, lay off the snack cakes.”

Doc: “Did I... just get a bunch of me on you? How rude of me!”

Fascine: “I'm the one that split the filly's head!”
Viridia: “I'll be gentle with it.”

Shade: (Sarcastically) “Oh, Andante Shine drugging a stallion and bringing him into her personal quarters. The scandal!”
Andante: “Shade, you shouldn't be talking. Celestia knows why you're keeping a whole family around.”
Shade: “You know me better than that, Andante. I help ponies.”
Andante: “You do. Can't deny that.”
Shade: “No, you cannot.”
[Beat]
Andante: “Want something to eat?”
Shade: “Of course. And then, we should discuss lunch.”